SPEAKER_01 0:24

So taking a layer deeper, so this is all really good insight for connecting, and that's where all relationships start connecting. Then going a layer deeper, you're in relationship with people. What are some um healthy relational boundaries that you've had to either enforce or establish as you've as you've built relationships and maybe um maybe you're in a small group and there are just some boundaries you have to instill with the people in the group? Maybe you've been connected and friends, like friendly and acquainted for a while, but the relationship got a little bit more um developed. You spend more time together and you start to really understand some deeper levels about these people, and you have to either form or hold a boundary. What are some of those? How do you keep your relationships healthy?

SPEAKER_00 1:10

I'm gonna deflect this time because you did last time. Yeah, there I just passed you the ball.

SPEAKER_05 1:15

Yeah, I'll take it. I uh yeah, I just think person personally, so in college, I was when I found the Lord my I wanted to say early, it was first semester, into first semester of my sophomore year. And so uh at the time, you know, I was an average or just your average college student, um, probably an average college student too. Um but uh, you know, in high school I grew up uh going to a church of Christ. Uh I love my family, but we didn't go to church every Sunday. I played baseball every Sunday in tournaments, I traveled the state and the country, and so faith wasn't as big of a deal for us. Um, but we were Texan, so we were already Christian, right? So that's kind of how I'm yeah, yeah, exactly. So that's kind of how I feel like I wrote uh I was raised. And so I knew, you know, I knew of God, I knew of Jesus, I knew he died for our sins, did not have a relationship. The concept of him still being alive and he he rose from the dead, didn't even think about that. And so um, so I did but my dad was a cop also growing up, so I didn't drink at all. Just a little, you know, in in high school, like all my other friends did, and uh going into college I didn't drink, and then I remember having my first sip of alcohol and just thinking, you know, I'm doing something wrong, like God's gonna strike me down. And it he didn't. And I was like, huh, okay. And so, you know, that at that point I became the average college student and I would drink and party and all of that. Once I found the Lord, I had some really good friends uh through rugby that I loved to death, but I found that hanging around them and and partying with them uh was allowing me to go down a path that I knew that I I was convicted about. I knew wasn't right and I knew it wasn't of the Lord, that's not what God wanted for my life, and so I kind of cold turkey quit some of those uh relationships, or at least very much diminished the depth of our relationships. And some of those relationships I had were very, very close, like still my best friend to this day. And I just remember it hindering our friendship to a point where I was like, I question, is this the right decision? Am I am I is cold turkey the right move here for me to to flee from immorality? But also how um am I forgetting about the love part of you know, am I cutting something evil off that's har hard, or am I cutting something evil off that's harming me? And so uh I at the end of the day I found that once I got over the harm part and I realized it was just hard, I still slowly kind of rekindled that relationship, if you will. And uh we're we're one of them is we're we're best friends to this day.

SPEAKER_01 3:54

So you put a line on drinking.

SPEAKER_05 3:56

I at the time, yeah. At the time, I mean it didn't help that I was illegally drinking. I was 20 at the time. And so it made it easier to not do it. But um uh yeah, it was it was harm because it harmed my my faith and my relationship with God. Uh but it was also hard because he they were one some of my best friends, and I you know played a sport with them on on weekends, and so um, you know, everybody's faith journey is different, everybody's tolerance to be around certain things that they struggle with is different. And so I feel like once I reached the part of the best way to put it is it wasn't harming me anymore, it was just gonna be hard to do, is when I slowly reintroduced, you know, the the depth of those friendships to where I could be uh solid in my faith, but still be around them to love them and and help them grow and lead them, you know, towards towards God in their faith.

SPEAKER_01 4:50

So how did you you held that boundary and then you re-established relationship?

SPEAKER_05 4:55

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 4:55

How did you do that? Um and did they they struggle with that boundary?

SPEAKER_05 4:59

A hundred percent. Yeah, a hundred percent. I mean, I thought I was gonna lose some of my best friends uh for for a while. And um but you know, some of those conversations were hard. It was like, oh, you're hypocritical, like this is what you were doing, and now all of a sudden you're like better than than us, like what's the difference type of stuff like that. Um but ultimately it's my faith was more important than harmful words. And um that's good, Toby. Yeah, and and um re-establishing it was honestly uh some some apologies on my end of hey, I this is or egg uh explanations and apologies. Is this why I did this? You know, forgive me for you being hurt by this, but this is why I did this, and then also apologize for hey, I could have handled this a little better, and I love you, and this is what I want out of our relationship.

SPEAKER_01 5:49

And you you initiated that?

SPEAKER_05 5:51

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

Out of a love for relationship.

SPEAKER_05 5:54

Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's you know, I going back to we all we all want to be liked, um you have to get to a point to where it doesn't matter if you lose a a friend over something that's gonna harm your faith or or draw you away from your faith. Like if they're not on the same like you think about it in marriage, you you know, you want to be on the same path, or when you're dating, if you're not on the same path, they're not the one for you. Um it's the same with friendships. If if you can you can have a friend over here that's going in the opposite direction, and if it's gonna harm you, then remove it. If it's just gonna be hard and difficult, it's probably worth you know keeping them in your life to some degree to be able to show girls God's love. So Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

That's a very practical boundary, and I think you mentioned it started in college, but now you hold it in a different space as an adult. Um how how has that been going forward, holding that boundary and and keeping a relationship?

SPEAKER_05 6:52

Uh yeah, easy the uh the easy way to put it is I feel like my circle is a lot tighter than it was in college, and so the new friends that I do gain uh are oftentimes around the church. Uh there's not much with two kids, not not many, not many uh opportunities for me to go make new friends outside of of church and and work. And with work, I travel four states, so can't really be best friends with someone in Louisiana and Oklahoma. So um yeah, so uh cheating a little bit on the answer is my circle's a little tighter. Uh the opportunities I give myself to to uh open up to someone to be that level of friendship is pretty much designated around the church or the neighborhood, which is fine being in Alito now. So yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:36

That's a family in and of itself.

SPEAKER_05 7:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:38

What about you, PJ?

SPEAKER_00 7:39

Well, every every relationship has a connection. There's some connection for that relationship to happen. So you're in the same school together, college, and it's a high school, uh, work in the same place, play on the same team, go to the same church. There's a connection point in every one of your relationships. So that's one thing I would throw in there is recognize the connection point. If the connection point is a temporary phase of life, it might be that that connection point, when that phase of life changes, goes away. So um I don't keep up with any of my friends from high school because when I went to college, all that changed. Uh when when I went from college into ministry, pretty much those relationships changed, but not because of faith, because all of my friends in college were were were Christ followers as well, but it was logistics. You know, we were miles and hours apart, and so it all changed. Plus, I moved to Texas. So you have to recognize I've experienced enough of life that circumstances do change things. Um the best the best relationships are the ones where uh you built a commonality on friendship, and the friendship had a connection with the Lord if you're a Christ follower and they are, such that you can go years without without talking, without you know being able to be together. But then something happens, you end up at the same conference, or they come to town because their daughter got engaged to a guy in this town they met at college, but he lives here and she's from Alabama, but they're gonna come meet their family. And hey, can we get together with you all? Or you're going to a conference somewhere where you got someone that you went to school with and they they live there now. And I'm gonna be at this conference in your city, and and then as soon as you see each other, boom, it's like the conversation three years ago finished, and it's like a second later, the new conversation is beginning. And those those are the ones that I love that that um the the connection point for the relationship is beyond circumstances or beyond uh well, like for Christ follower to be away from the Lord during college, make a bunch of party friends, and then come the realization I don't want to live this life. Because you see people, and no offense to if you're listening or watching, I'm not trying to call anybody out or throw anybody on the bus, that are 50 years old and they're still living like they're they're 21 in college. And it's like your growth is stunted. You're still thinking and acting like your kids, because you got kids that are at age that are doing the same thing, and you're thinking, okay, there's something, something not right there. That's that's uh not a healthy mindset for that person at that place in life, and then you realize that was the best part, that was the best their life was ever had ever been. Yeah, was the partying and the friendships that they had during college, and they haven't had anything that good since then, and so they're stuck like in a time warp. Yeah. And so you have to recognize and realize, because friendships do change, relationships change, except for covenant relationships. I believe that when we're in covenant uh around the Lord, marriage, family, uh those don't change. They they change logistically, they change um with uh age, uh, but our family value has been uh the the way that we raised you all is um friends will come and go, uh, but your family's always going to be your family. And so we've always tried to help you all realize the importance of keeping your siblings as friends, and so and you all do that, and then like Toby and Taylor uh and others uh fall into that, and it's like you're you're living your own life, you have your own relationships, but then you're in this bigger circle of Christ followers who have a value on friendship and relationship and connection, and it ebbs and flows. You might not do anything with them for a year, but then you get on the same softball team, and then boom, it's like the the the new community that has some other newer people in it, but it all rekindled, and that that's the best way to go.

SPEAKER_01 11:47

What about like relational boundaries within those? Like, yes, lots of live seasons and all that, but just speaking to boundaries themselves, I think to your point, setting healthy boundaries was a big part of growth for you, and it was a growth moment missed for these references that you had for people who didn't move past it. So, have there been times where you had to recognize, oh I need to set some boundaries here. There's places I can't go and relationships I can't keep. What were those boundaries and how did that go for you?

SPEAKER_00 12:18

Well, if there are requirements to be in that setting that are not uh requirements that I hold for my life, then I draw a pretty tight boundary. For example, um uh we heard you're a good softball player, you want us to be on we want you to be on our team. We we need a pitcher and heard you're a good pitcher. We want you to be on our team. But here's the deal. We go we go to um hornytoed grill after every game. That's the actual place, right? Yeah, okay. I just thought of a little rundown hole in the wall uh uh bar out on where the offices used to be out on the west side of Fort Worth. Yeah, and but here's the deal.

SPEAKER_05 12:57

I'd pass it when I'd visit Taylor at the office. Yeah, I've never been there.

SPEAKER_02 13:02

That's not what I was looking at.

SPEAKER_00 13:05

Yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 13:06

How do you know about this, Toby?

SPEAKER_00 13:09

But uh yeah, so so uh we want you to play on our team, and you're a good dude, and man, we we you know we'd we'd like to have a connection with the pastor, and will you be the team chaplain and all this? But here's the deal it's an unspoken thing that we always go to Horny Toad for a burger and a beer after the game. And if you can't do that, then then you know we're not gonna have you be on our team. That's an easy boundary. Yeah, yeah, that's an easy boundary for me. I'd love to play with you guys on that team, but you're taking you're adding you're adding something outside of my purview for life, which is enjoying softball, which I haven't done in a long time, but I might do again. Um and you're putting in going to uh going to a place that I don't frequent. If I want a burger, I'm going to Jake's Burgers. I'm gonna go somewhere and get a good burger. I'm not gonna go to the horny toad bar and grill, which the purpose is it's kind of like you know, it's a wonderful life, you know, whenever whenever uh he's allowed to see the dark side when Clarence has to go and he goes to um uh oh who owned the bar, the restaurant. Anyway, Martini goes in and it's now uh it's completely it's dark, it's different, and he's there and talking to him, and then get and the the owner goes, This is a place where men come to get drunk. And you're thinking, uh, you know, if that's a requirement for friendship, I'm out. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so there has to be boundaries. We can't just be everything to all people, and those that are uh watching, you know. See what I'm doing here? I'm quoting, but those that are and I'm doing finger quotes here to because the scripture says be everything to all people that you might win some. But there is there is a requirement on us to also just be able to say clean before my Lord, do it, do I stand? Yeah, and so you you can't you can't compromise for the desire of trying to reach people, you can't compromise values and not have any.

SPEAKER_02 14:58

Yeah, it's good.

SPEAKER_05 14:59

It before we move on, you you mentioned time, uh, and just you know, over you can you can go a few years and and just pick up where you left off. Uh and those are the types of friends that I've I feel like I have a lot of friends like that where I can go a month, couple months, a year and pick up probably where we left off. And that might be more of a man thing than than a than a woman thing. I think women need that constant connection with each other to feel close.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

But um very possible.

SPEAKER_05 15:23

But yeah, but but the time the time also brings up another uh point. You know, often it friendships are are sometimes good for a season. Um but remember, like the Lord's gonna work in their lives, whether you're involved or not. Yep. And so that time away, it's it's what I'm from Weatherford, grew up in Weatherford, and when Parker County was announced as it's gonna be launching a campus out here, I was like, I want to be a part of that because I can guarantee it, someone's gonna walk through that door that I haven't seen in 18 years, and we're gonna connect and it's gonna be awesome. And that's happened dozens and dozens of times, and it's so cool to see somebody who I thought I knew 18 years ago to who they are today, and that's sometimes that's people my age, sometimes that's little siblings of people I knew, sometimes it's parents, and and all it's just so cool to see the Lord work in people's lives over time. And so remember when you're in these friendships and you have to cut it, it doesn't mean it's forever. Make sure as a Christian, you're not holding grudges, you're offering forgiveness on your end if there's anything that needs to be forgiveness about. Very good. Because God's gonna work in their lives if they open if they're open to that. So yeah, yeah. So sometimes time is a good thing.

SPEAKER_01 16:32

That's a really good point. You know, um, right now, this next generation, Gen Z-ish and below, are incredibly more likely. I don't have the statistics in front of me on my computer today, um, but incredibly more likely by that by the time they reach their mid-20s to have cut off one or two close relationships being friend or family. And like by cutting off the statistic, this is what is it Barnum that does these studies?

SPEAKER_00 16:59

He's one Christian, Christian researcher.

SPEAKER_01 17:01

Yeah, I think it was one of his um reports, but Bar Barna.

SPEAKER_00 17:04

Did you say Barnum? Barna, Barna? Barnum.

SPEAKER_05 17:06

I was gonna say the other one's a circus.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

Yeah. Barnum is a good one. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 17:09

Barnum. I was like, I know I know both words, but I don't know why.

SPEAKER_00 17:12

Barnum and his partner Bailey had a circus.

SPEAKER_01 17:14

There it is. I'm gonna chalk that up to pregnancy brain. Yeah. Anyways, moving on. So um You're so pretty pregnant.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

Thank you, Dad. You got a pregnancy glow about you.

SPEAKER_01 17:23

So sweet. Also, so the they're cutting off relationships, and when he explained the study, it's not cutting off like we don't hang out anymore. It's cutting off as an I don't want you in my life anymore. And they're they're making those statements, andor they are cutting people off from access and saying subliminally, I don't want you to have access to my life anymore. What do you all think about that? And how would you um speak to people who either know someone like that, because that's a good portion of our population now, um, or are in that category and they've made those those relational you know severances, and you just said like God works in the in the space, which I love that you said that, and extending forgiveness into even if they have to end, end them well, because you never know what the Lord could do. How would you speak to that that pattern? Do you think it's healthy, do you think it's not? And how would somebody go about protecting themselves maybe in a necessary way, but do it the right way?

SPEAKER_05 18:21

I think uh immedi the immediacy of it, I don't know, it depends on the situation. It could be healthy, but I I think number one, uh what is it saying, James, be quick to listen, so to speak, and so to get angry. So if you're cutting off a relationship because you're offended, uh you might want to take a step back and check yourself before you give that person an ultimatum or make a decision that you're gonna regret. Um but I think it goes back to is this relationship harmful or is it just hard? Because I think you know, life is gonna be hard, especially if you're a Christian. We have a target on our back. And so uh I think ask that question before you make a decision and make sure your decision isn't ultimate or final. Because like I said before, God can change anybody's heart in any situation. So um yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:13

Yeah, it used to be before cancel culture became popular and running almost simultaneously, another work of the flesh of the evil one was reality, uh reality TV, reality media. Uh prior to that, um, people didn't cancel each other. Now relationships changed, but there wasn't what you just described, the emotional I'm cutting you out of every cutting you off and removing you from every part of my life. That started when cancel culture hit. I'm gonna say, was that 10 years ago when that started? Yeah, just keeps picking up speed in reality TV where you know the the audience wants to see the conflicts and the and the stuff. I don't we don't watch it, but you can't help but see commercials and see promos for stuff, and I'm thinking this is ridiculous.

SPEAKER_01 20:00

Like reality TV, the drama?

SPEAKER_00 20:02

Yeah, all the drama, all the all the uh the ugliness, the pettiness, the the uh the the anger, the it set the table for all this prior to that, and I'm not saying back in the good old days, I'm not gonna be the old guy saying it used to be really good, but still the most popular sitcom of all time, I think, is Friends. And while I didn't watch it much, they worked everything out. Every episode it's had some issue, and they they worked it out.

SPEAKER_01 20:33

No, that's a really interesting thought.

SPEAKER_00 20:35

That was prior to cancel culture, and that was prior to reality TV, where the drama and the arguments and the pushing each other in the pool and all the crazy stuff, you're like, this is so ridiculous. Yeah, hopefully people don't live this way, but now it's become people are living this way. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, man, I wish we could go back, and here I don't sound like the old guy, I wish you go back in reverse time. And but if we could pull that mindset out or replace it, it would make things so much better because that's not the way Christ wants us to live. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:06

Is there an element to soul health that lies within the ability to work it out and work through what you said is not necessarily harmful, it's just hard. Um, is that what's maybe hurting and stunting some people's growth in their soul and growth in relationships that you just can't get through the hard of a relationship?

SPEAKER_00 21:27

Well, people don't like to be inconvenienced, people don't like uh it, you know, it's my way and my way now. And if it's not that way, it's so it's so empty and so weak. And um not not to throw anybody under the bus, but statistics are showing that at some point there's gonna be a complete crumbling of society because of the broken relationships, or at some point there's gonna be a enough of that, we're gonna get back to the way things should be. Our country is kind of founded. That way. There's a lot of stuff going on in the nation that we came from. At least the white Anglo-Saxon Protestants came from that they came to start over. And when they did, they started over based upon the Lord. You know, the the ones that came to the United States started, the colonies all formed in the in the origin of the colonies, the way they're going to educate, the primer, first primer was almost always a little Bible, and all the stuff that we've learned from wall builders on the founding of our country, they did that because they were getting away from so much crud and and breakdown of society and belief systems that were wrong and turning away from God. And that type of thing is is gonna need to happen again unless the Lord returns first.

SPEAKER_01 22:48

Do you think it's important that we build relationships that are in communities and with people that are not like-minded? And how important is that? Not like-minded and different in some way, like they're referencing what you were saying, founding of our nation, people did also tend to gravitate toward like-minded communities, and they're we're riffs and issues with that. But embracing relationship as a Christ follower, do you find value in making relationships outside of your circle and your sphere and your common think and your you know, same worldview? Is that important for us?

SPEAKER_00 23:25

I do underneath Christianity, though. So I don't I'm not gonna try to create commonality and act like there's everything everything is all well and good with someone who's a Muslim. Because I can't. I I don't I I can't I can't um there's not a connection I can make with their worldview and the way they believe.

SPEAKER_01 23:46

And you mean like a friend, not like being friendly? Correct.

SPEAKER_00 23:50

Oh, I'll totally be friendly. Yeah. Try to have all the conversations. Tell me about uh uh what's what's working, tell me about it's it's obviously working, tell me about it. I'll totally do that. But if it gets to the point where their requirement on me for the relationship to be more is that I become like them, and that's gonna require I've got to compromise Christ, it's not happening.

SPEAKER_01 24:09

Right. Up until that point, though, is there a value in relationship?

SPEAKER_00 24:15

There's always value in relationship. Do uh be everything to all people to win some. You know, Paul, to the Jew, I'm a Jew, to the Gentile, I'm a Gentile. To the educated, I'm educated, I'm filling in the blanks, but to the non-educated, I'm not educated, he he found a way to connect with everybody. Yeah. Like Toby.

SPEAKER_05 24:32

Yeah. Yeah, I think I mean we're we're called to spread the gospel to all nations, and so that doesn't happen unless we get a little bit comfortable outside of our our like-mindedness and our our sphere of of influence. Um but you know, a relationship and a friendship doesn't mean you have to be best friends with that person. So sometimes, you know, it it's I I think the value is is uh introducing a thought, uh a mindset, ultimately or faith into uh uh someone that's different than you is can be the depth of a relationship if that's where you want it to be. So yeah, there's always value.

SPEAKER_01 25:09

Yeah. Man, relationships are really key. I would love in our like closing thoughts and our closing statements about relationship. Um because we're gonna dive into in this series like marriage relationships and marriage dynamics. This is this is purely relationship of friend, connection, community podcast to get it to get the conversation going. Um so we'll talk about that. We'll talk about you know, best friends over long periods of time. We've got lots of things you want to discuss in this this conversation. But if y'all could give me a closing um piece about relationship that has strength in your soul, whether it was a personal story, like one person strengthened you, or it was a choice you made in how you befriended people that added strength to your soul. I would love to hear that. And I think our listeners would too. Like, love to hear how relationships can minister to them, what to look for. Like again, it could be one relationship or just a way you do relationships.

SPEAKER_00 26:06

You're first.

SPEAKER_05 26:07

Oh goodness. I'm trying to think of an example, but I I think if I were to think of just what what the most impactful um realization I had is I feel I I think I mentioned it a few times in the podcast, is uh I'm not the one that's gonna save somebody. So if I'm befriending someone because I love them as a person and I just want to spend more time around them, that's one thing. But if I'm befriending someone because I simply want to introduce them to the Lord, uh let the burden be the introduction and and that be it. The rest is gonna be up to the Lord. So it's all about who you can communicate, how you communicate to them, who you can connect them with, and and how you get them plugged in. But the burden should be uh what I've learned is introduce them to the Lord, introduce them to the faith, and don't be the one that feels don't don't feel like you have to change them because the Lord's gonna do that. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:01

I think and I'll add to just give a girl's perspective because I realize I haven't given it given a lot of my own thoughts in this podcast.

SPEAKER_00 27:08

Yeah, that's unusual.

SPEAKER_01 27:09

I know. Um, but I think one shift I had in the last probably four years of friendships is I started asking myself, um I giving in the investment that I want to be receiving? Do I take as much interest in others as I want them to take in me? Um I showing up for them as much as I want them to show up for me, and I approach relationships, whether they're deep friendships I've had for a long time or or further away, like people I don't frequent as often or see as much. I think about am I giving to them what I would love for our relationship to look like first? And am I leading in that space? And for some people, you know, I can't be a friend in their life every single week, every single day. Um, but I want them to be my life, and so I'm like, okay, I I can only be in their life to a certain point, but I want to make sure that every other month I'm connecting with them and I'm putting an investment there because I do love this person. I just life is busy. So that way I don't have an expectation from them that they give more or less. It's like I'm I know I want to invest this much, and if I get it in return, great, but I'm not gonna expect something I haven't invested in. Yeah. Um and my investments, I view my friendships that way. I view an investment aspect of time, conversation, showing up, those I invest a lot in over time. If the investment's not returned, that has become a natural way for me to go, okay, maybe this isn't as close of a relationship, and it's not hurtful. Yeah, it's not bad, it's just okay, it's not work not in this season, so I can shift that investment to someone that maybe could balance out the investment load.

SPEAKER_02 28:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:44

Um, but this is a woman talking about relationships. We've gotten a lot of perspective of men.

SPEAKER_05 28:49

I mean, you should have been talking the whole time. That was good. Yeah, that was good. Agreed.

SPEAKER_00 28:53

Yeah. The highlight of this podcast comes at uh one hour and three minutes. Oh goodness, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:58

I don't know, but yeah, just thinking about that's added strength for my soul because it's given me a way to um be aware, be you know, intentional, and to make space for those evangelistic connections, but also fostering and protecting those deeper connections that we need to have good strong souls, good strong community, good strong health.

SPEAKER_00 29:22

I can't I can't have anything better than that.

SPEAKER_01 29:26

Well, have you um what's been one like thing you really appreciated about a relationship in your life? A friendship specifically?

SPEAKER_00 29:35

Um good thing. Um the ability to just be real.

SPEAKER_01 29:45

Yeah. And what is that for your soul? Why is that so important?

SPEAKER_00 29:49

Um, because I don't feel like I have to hide. Nor do I feel like that they're trying to hide. Which is the hardest thing being a pastor. Because when you're friends with the pastor, you've got to be able to lay down your comparisons to uh the I'm thinking the other person's thoughts. To be friends with the pastor, you gotta lay down your insecurities, lay down your thoughts that you're not gonna measure up, and they don't realize everybody puts their shoes on one foot at a time. Everybody only laces one set of laces at a time. I mean, there's some things that that you just need to have, you know, be the foundation rather than how to how do I be your friend? You're perfect, you don't you don't ever have a a temptation thought, and I have them all the time. So I I just said be real, and then I'm you know, if they're being real and they're saying that, but it still makes it awkward. Yeah. So there are some there are some um how do I say this? Some people in life and their profession doesn't naturally lend to friendships. And being a lead pastor is one of those. It's just even with each other, it's hard.

SPEAKER_05 31:00

I was gonna say, do you feel like you get the real version of your friends being in your position?

SPEAKER_00 31:06

Yes and no. Um it's a topic for another podcast, probably, but pastors have insecurities. There's always comparisons being made. And you know, the Bible's clear there's some that can govern a hundred, some that can govern a thousand, some that can govern ten thousand. But everyone thinks that, you know, the one that's made it is the one who's governing or leading ten thousand. Not realizing if your assignment is a hundred, if God's assigned you to to shepherd a hundred and you're in that spot, that's a great spot to be. Just accept it, love it, be there, and not be insecure if you're with somebody that's their their assignments to govern a thousand or to govern ten thousand. So that's it's just a unique thing. I guess it'd be the same for lawyers, you know, on how many cases they win or lose. It'd be the same with pharmaceutical sales, uh uh hospital equipment sales, you know, what your sales level is, etc. And how can I be your friend? You sell a million dollars a year, and I only sell a hundred thousand a year. Yeah, whatever the case may be. If you people can just be real and not have all of that be the thing, and it can just be, hey, tell me about you. And then I want to return the question, hey, you tell you I told you about me, now you tell me about you. And you're able to have just the commonality where two human beings walking on planet earth and for Christ followers that love the Lord. So can that be that can that be the foundation to the relationship and not all the stuff we think makes us significant?

SPEAKER_01 32:38

What would be your your closing statement on like your hope for our church taking a growing in relationship and taking a step forward in relationships?

SPEAKER_00 32:47

My hope would be that we would all have a heart for people that we would truly want to strengthen people for life. And so how that plays out for each person is going to be different. Toby's able to make friends everywhere and in Tarrant County, he's just two or three people removed from everybody in the whole county. Probably. Uh that's not the case with that many people.

SPEAKER_02 33:09

It's like, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:10

Because maybe everybody has somebody they can pray for, befriend, yeah, um, encourage, and and an easy setting in in our type in our practice of Christianity is we we do a large gathering. So uh they met in the temple, Acts chapter 2, and we do a small gathering. They met in the temple and they met house to house. That makes it so much easier. Some people don't like the big crowd, but others like it because it's it's easier to kind of hide for a while until you're comfortable to make a connection. Others like the intimacy and the connection of a small group. Um, and and so the the fact is, is the way we practice Christianity has two options to start connecting. So my hope and my prayer would be that all of those that we have the joy of pastoring, eliting, serving with, etc., um would be able to make connections. That's my hope. That nobody would come in, um, not be noticed, uh, walk out with church hurt when the hurt was not intentional at all. It happened via negative osmosis. Yeah. So my hope would be that we would that we would truly understand strengthening people for life has a starting point. Be willing to start. Ask questions, engage conversation, pray, you know, take those steps to connect.

SPEAKER_01 34:32

Yeah, that's good. Toby, what are your closing thoughts?

SPEAKER_05 34:36

Um, I I agree with everything you just said. Uh I think ultimately, you know, obviously we have a great church here at High Ridge. Um when we encounter somebody that goes to a different church or doesn't go to a church at all, and they try Higher Ridge out and it doesn't work out for them, the end goal is for them to know Jesus. Yep. And so continue to invite them, um uh continue to invite them to groups sometimes sometimes even if they don't go to higher, but it's a way for you to build community in your neighborhood with somebody through a group versus inviting them to church on a Sunday. That's I think a win in itself. So um I yeah, I would just say just be involved in people's lives, even if it doesn't mean they're in your sphere all all the time. So yeah, yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 35:22

That's good, yeah. I like what you said. Yeah, be involved, even if they're not gonna be in your sphere all the time. Just be involved, yeah. Yeah, be connected. Well, thank you guys for this conversation. Thank you for helping add strength to relationships, strength to the soul. Um, you're probably gonna see Toby at a campus near you this Sunday.

SPEAKER_05 35:40

So uh I'll be in Austin for a wedding. Just kidding.

SPEAKER_01 35:44

Uh campus near you at some Sunday.

SPEAKER_03 35:46

Yeah, yeah, two weeks.

SPEAKER_01 35:47

Coming up in the future. How many weddings have you been in?

SPEAKER_05 35:50

Uh I'm not in one. I'm just attending one. Yeah. But how many weddings have you been in? Uh I couldn't tell, yeah. It's been a few.

SPEAKER_01 35:57

If you had to guess.

SPEAKER_05 35:58

Uh in, I would I don't know, maybe eight or ten. But my favorite ones, I've I've officiated three. So no kidding. My sister, uh my best friend Joe, and then my one of my best friends, Graham. Well, officiated three. And so uh you said you will not ordain me, but you give me a certificate to officiate, to license a license to wed or bury. Yep. That's how you say it.

SPEAKER_00 36:23

Pastor Pastoring's marrying and burying.

SPEAKER_05 36:24

Yeah, marrying and burying. So yeah, yeah. So got to do that. So that was my favorite part to be involved.

SPEAKER_01 36:29

That's cool.

SPEAKER_05 36:30

That and being with Johnny and his was cool too. So yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:34

Bottom line is make friends. It's gonna add a lot of life to your life, it's gonna add strength to your soul, and it's gonna help bring a depth to you that you need and that people need out of you. So have fun, build some friends this week. We love you guys.

SPEAKER_05 36:47

Peace out.