Learn to Value Yourself.

Learn to Value Yourself.  | Mindset Daily Podcast

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Transcript

0:08

so I want to start today's show by sharing a story with you and putting some things into perspective. Back when I was first starting my business in 2013. One of the struggles that I had was converting and mind you at the time. I didn't know what to do or how to do it. I was learning by doing, I thought that starting a blog. Was going to be the best way to go about it. I'd write articles and I would publish them. And I would generally look for people's responses. I'd see, who would read something who wouldn't read something. Who was paying attention to certain topics and who wasn't. And I was growing an email list. While doing that and. So that was how I started, but the struggle was how do I convert that? Into. Revenue stream. So how do I make money off of a block? If you're not going to have a massive blog, With, millions and millions of readers and nobody does when they start. How else can you monetize it? How else can you take something that you've created and start to make some money off of it? That was the struggle. And then what I started to realize. Was people became interested in. Certain topics versus others. And so what I did actually, funny enough, I went through and I looked at. I had written about 20 something or so articles and. I went and I looked through of those, which ones were most important and what I found at the time. Was people were most interested in. Core strength. Right now. It wasn't it wasn't like drastically different. Let's put it that way. Like the numbers weren't drastically different. But it was enough, for me to see. Okay. So this is something people are interested in. So what I thought I was going to do. Was then. Create a whole blog post on. How to basically. Building taking an online course and stuffing it into a blog post to that meant. There was videos in there, there was training plans. There was all sorts of, it was very detailed, right? Like this post was like, well over. Like 20,000 words, it had tons of videos on it. And I thought I don't know. This is going to bring more people. To the blog, because they're going to want to follow this. They're going to want to do it. And they're going to want to. Take advantage of what I'm offering for free. Now. Lo and behold. It had the exact opposite effect, which was. Yeah, it's too long. It's too massive. It's like a book that you get. It's a really big book, right? If someone puts a 700 page book on your desk or in front of you, it's yeah, I'll get to it eventually. But there's a lot of pages, right? So you typically procrastinate now. What happened? Was that exact effect. And I was a little bit discouraged because I put all this work into something and I, I put all my time in research and into it, and I thought people were going to love it. And generally it was crickets. Crickets for the most part. And. Nobody was going through it. And, I had a small email list at the time of, like a few thousand people. And. Relatively small, I should say too. Obviously now the size of the email list that I built, but at the time, that was I thought that was a pretty big. Big list. And. I emailed it out to them to show them and they were all like, yeah, that's great. I'll get to it eventually. But generally, nobody really did anything with it. And what I wanted and my thought process. Was. Look, I can put this thing out for free. And that is going to. Get a bunch of people that go through and validate my program and I can get a ton of testimonials from people going through the program. And then that will lead to something else. Now. Again, Opposite effect. So I tried to. I tried to figure it out. What was that? What was the thing that I was missing? And. Because at the time also, I thought to myself. I'm not really. I'm not really 100%. Sure of what I'm going to do. I'm not a hundred percent sure of how I'm going to create. You know how I could create a product or charge something. So this was like my remedy. I was like let me just create something that I could charge for, but not. And then that will get more people to go through and do it. And then I'll be able to get some testimonials and that validated now. Complete wrong approach. Completely wrong approach. I was not validating my, I was not valuing my own expertise. It's just a form of the imposter syndrome. So actually what I did, which opened up my eyes was I joined a business program. And one of my mentors in the, in that program. Basically said to me, you've got to drop. The free stuff, drop it and charge for it. And there was something that he said that always stuck with me is that. You have to pay attention. And what that means is that if people aren't willing to invest capital. If people aren't willing to. Put their money where their mouth is. They are not going to pay attention. They're not going to value. What you do, they aren't going to value you, right? So you need to pay attention and think about it. If you've ever been. If you've ever walked through a mall or somewhere, and they've got those little light kiosks, in the middle where people are trying to hand out like free samples. Of different things, have lotions or tonics or whatever it is. They're trying to hand out. You don't want it. It's like you're running from them. They're giving you, they're offering you something for free. And you're, you don't want it. It's almost as if something is free, you have to sell it even harder because there's no associated value with it. That's exactly what I was doing. I was being that person in the mall kiosk, trying to hand out some lotion or trying to hand out. Whatever it is to, get people to try it. Yeah, my mentor at the time said just drop it, drop the free stuff people need to pay. To pay attention. In fact. You don't have to do anything different. All you have to do is take down. What you created? And put it into that is a course. That's more than a course. And start charging people for it. And when you charge people for it. They will start to. Pay attention. Lo and behold, I took exactly what I created. I took it down. Free. I took down the free format of it, and I essentially turned it into an online course. And then started. Selling it to. My list. And. What I found out immediately was that. Half the people when I was offering it for free. Weren't even bothered by the fact that they couldn't even be bothered to look at it or pay attention to it because. It's free. It's it's here. I can do at any time. I'll get to it eventually. Nobody cared. But then the second people heard the outcome and they heard the price tag. Instantly, they were ready to now they were paying attention. And what I did was I put a price tag on it. It was like$300, I think. And. I went through and all of a sudden I sold it and, within the first. It's like month of actually putting a price tag on something. There was, if I remember correctly, there was like, About almost like 400 people. I think that bought the course. I don't think that was, there was a long time ago. I think actually that was not in the first month that was in the first couple of months. I think there was anyway, there was a few hundred people that ended up buying it and. Aye. I was shocked because here I was trying to give away something for free that nobody wanted. And then as soon as I decided to put a price tag on it and sell it. All of a sudden people wanted it and people were buying it. And. The exact thing happened, people went through it. People did the course. They loved it. I got the testimonials, all of the things that I thought were going to happen by giving it away for free. Now the lesson in this. Is that there's a certain level. Of there. There's a certain level of confidence that you have to have, and there's a certain, there's a line you have to hold, which is. I know my value. I know what I'm worth. I know. Who I am. I'm not going to let anybody else. Shake that, or I'm not going to cheapen myself. Two. For the approval of someone else or another group of people or whatnot, I'm going to have my own strong identity. And so for you, the lesson. To learn here and to pay attention to. Is to check in with yourself, like in your life ask am I really. Am I really. Valuing myself. Am I looking. Am I taking the time? Am I doing the things to actually realize my own value? Are you discounting yourself? Subconsciously are you telling yourself you are not worth something or are you telling yourself that. You are not capable of something or. Do you look around at what you do? Versus what everybody else does and what everybody else does always seems better. Always seems more. Established always seems like they have the right credentials, the right experience. And you don't. Are you subconsciously just discounting? Yourself. And is that. Is that. Discount that you place on yourself, is that preventing you from moving forward? And it doesn't even have to be in. The business arena, it could be even like at work, right? Are you afraid to. Go. And maybe ask for a race or are you afraid to go and ask for a promotion or apply for a promotion within your company or, wherever you work, are you afraid to do that because you don't value yourself. You haven't learned to value yourself, right? Or. Maybe it's in the personal arena, right? Like maybe you're afraid to go out and date, or maybe you're afraid to ask someone out on a date because you don't value yourself. You are subconsciously putting yourself. In a lesser state. And so you start to act in a way. That you start to act in a way that kind of perpetuates that lesser value. And so as a result in life, you're getting. Exactly how you see yourself, right? Your life then just becomes a mirror. For who you think you are? And that's the vicious cycle of the whole entire thing. It's if I don't value myself, I'm going to act in a way. Which. Is going to validate the fact that I don't value myself. In fact, I'm going to act in a way. Which I believe is my own intrinsic value. So the more that I believe, the more that I see my value. Is more of what I'm going to get in life. Reality just becomes a mirror for how you see yourself. Taking the time, to shift now that you understand that I think to shift and you ask yourself and you say, Okay. So what do I do? Like I, if I know I don't value myself enough. What can I do? To overcome it. What can I do? Too. Learn to value myself more. That's the question, right? Because I think first. You just have to identify. Okay. Am I. Am I putting myself in a position. Where I can truly see and understand and own my true value. Am I doing that? And once you get there and you realize, okay, I'm not ask yourself how it's an honest question to write, and you can write this down somewhere. You can ask yourself. How do I see myself? And then ask yourself, how do I want to see myself? So how does that, there's a gap there, right? There's going to be a gap. And if you were able to see your higher value. How would your life be different as a result? And I think. When you go through this process, the first. All you have to do. All you have to do is go through this one time and realize, okay, cool. So a lot of what I'm not doing in life I'm afraid to do because I don't value myself enough. And, as humans also, the irony of this is oftentimes the things that we fear the most. Are the things that we need to do. Those are the things that move us forward. But we experienced the fear because we're allowing ourselves to devalue ourselves. And the de-valuing is what creates the imposter and what creates the. Being a perfectionist and all of these other types of things. So the question is, how do you learn. Devalue yourself. And I think. This is also a process that. You have to go through and do it a lot to train your brain, to look for your strong points versus training your brain, to look for the, the bad points and the negative qualities. This is really, heavily rooted in training your psychology and training. And your mind. To find the things that you've done well and eliminate that. Eliminate the harshness from the mistakes. It's not yeah, we all make mistakes and it's not that you're just removing the mistakes from your psyche and pretending the never happening. It's when you make mistakes, it's not necessarily oh, this is an opportunity to be harsh on myself. The mistakes are an opportunity to learn. To become better. And learn from that, not to be harsh. So the first thing you have to do. If you want to learn to value yourself in a higher light is you need to take Nina to get in a Google doc. You need to get on a piece of paper or something and you need to write down. All of. The airy all of the times in your life, where you have succeeded at something. Write down all of the things that you have. Succeeded. And. That way you have a list in front of you make a long list at everything, right? Every F and think back, like actually do the work on this. Think back. Like the, this becomes, these become this becomes a really valuable. Item or heart, no pun intended there, but like a really valuable. Item that you can refer back to and say, wow, this is a list of all of my successes. I've got 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, and you should just add to this and make this an ongoing growing list. And whenever you have moments of self doubt, go back and look at that list. And remind yourself, these are all of the ways I've succeeded in life, and it doesn't matter how big or how small they are. The point is you have succeeded at things and it's in front of you. And it's amazing how simply that changes your psyche. Which is if I'm doubting myself a little bit, or I'm feeling down in some way, shape or form, and I want to improve and I want to go out and do something, but I'm a little bit afraid when you go take that list of successes that you have and start to read through all of them. And go through it. It changes your emotional state by simply reading those things. Like you can't read all of that. You can't read a list of all of the areas in your life that you've succeeded without smiling. It's impossible. You're your own physiology will start to change your own. Your emotions will start to change. That's one really powerful way of going about it is keep that list next to you. And so that way, what you're doing is you're validating your successes and what happens is in the reason this is ultra powerful. Is because we always like to, we hone in on our failures, right? It's in psychology. There's something called a negativity bias. Which means we focus on the negative. We focus on the bad. We remember we have negative experiences that we remember. Far longer. Then our positive experiences, right? We tend, we have positive experiences and we tend to dismiss them, but bad experiences and negative experiences. Tend to stick with us. So you have to get, you have to realize that by default, your brain is going to want to go to those things. And whenever you find yourself going to those things, those negative things. You have to then. Pull up that list and reverse course and start reading those areas that you succeeded in. Because here's the thing. That the things that we say to ourselves, the things, the thoughts we think to ourselves and the. The dialogue in our head, the negative dialogue. Isn't true. But we believe it's true. Because we're saying it to ourselves, we're having that conversation with ourselves. So we start to accept. Those kinds of things. That aren't necessarily true as truth because we're saying them to ourselves in our own mind. So you have to catch yourself and you have to be aware enough in this state to say, okay, whenever I find myself going into one of those like negativity loops or the negativity spirals. I am going to break that pattern by pulling out my success list. And I'm going to start reading those things to myself. I'm going to read them to myself over and over so that I can a, I can shift my emotional state. But B. I can remind myself of all of the ways in life that I've already succeeded. I'm going to go to that every single time. Every time. And that's why it's great, which is even if one of the most powerful ways to implement this is put it on a Google doc. Access it on your phone. So instead of it's instead of mindlessly scrolling on social media all day, if you're waiting in line somewhere, you're doing something, make it a habit to literally pull open up that document on your phone and start reading it, read it to yourself. Like instead of if you replace even scrolling on social media, Nine, 10 times a week with scrolling through your success list and reading those things. By just doing that for one week. You will notice a huge difference in, in how you view yourself and how you see yourself. And you will start to clue in, and the other really powerful thing about this. Having a list like this. And this is the way this is like one of the most beneficial things at it. Is, it's an ongoing list. You're adding to it. What it does is by simply knowing that you have this list of creating areas to succeed, you're subconsciously motivating and wiring yourself to want to succeed. You're setting yourself up to say, look, I want to make this list bigger. So I want to do something because now I'm accountable to my own list of things I'm creating. And I know this may sound woo or it may sound silly, but this is really powerful stuff. When you're trying to. Break out of. Whatever that is your lesser value, your low self-esteem your lack of motivation. The imposter syndrome, perfectionism BS. Doing things like this are like the most powerful exercises that you can do for yourself. I can't emphasize how powerful. Something like this is when you do it on a daily basis, right? That's, that is one of the most powerful things. And. The more you get in the habit it's acknowledgement, right? The value when you don't value yourself the root and the reason it's powerful is this. This is that when you don't value yourself? The thing that you're not doing is acknowledging you're your own value, right? Acknowledgement. So you have to train yourself to acknowledge what you are. So by now having a list. Of successes and having a list of things in front of you, you are now shifting. From. A position of. I can't acknowledge myself to, I have to acknowledge myself. And it's that sense of acknowledgement? That then. Trains you to start to hone in on all of the value that's inside you. You just have to acknowledge it. So by just doing that, I'm looking at the time I could keep going on and on about this. I try not to make these episodes too long. So that way they're easy to. Go through and digest, but the. The fundamental reason. Or the fundamental reason why you don't value yourself is because you haven't learned to acknowledge the value that's inside of you. So by simply doing an exercise where you can now acknowledge yourself. You're training. You're subconsciously training your brain. To find the good things in you. And. To not hide from them, for them to be right there that immediately by doing that. Changes the way you see yourself and you can go on there's plenty of layers. You can go on and do this. Like acknowledging your successes is one thing. Acknowledging your good traits is another. List of things you could do, there's another one that you can do, which is. Sometimes you feel like when we don't value ourselves, we sometimes don't feel like, we're good people. The other thing is there's a, you could acknowledge all of the things that you've done or the kind of things you've done for other people. Which can help acknowledge that you're a good person, right? So you can create all sorts of lists and all types of different things. And it, by doing this fundamentally, it's all the same. You're learning to acknowledge who you are and that in turn helps you now see the value that's inside of you and in turn, realize the value. So that's the show. That's the message for today. Again, if you learn something from this. Share it on Instagram and tag me in a story. Let me know what you've learned. Let me know. How you're going to apply it. I was going to say if you're going to apply it, but no, of course, you're going to apply this. This is how you learn to value yourself, share it on Instagram. Let me know. Tag me in a story and then take the time, like two other things. To share the podcast, share this episode with someone who you think could benefit from it. And number two, take some time to leave a review. On wherever you listen to podcasts, those two things are things you can do to help support the show is just by sharing it or leaving a review. That's what helps. This to grow and that's what helps it to get out there to the people who. Could really benefit from that. All right. So that's all I've got for you on today's show. Have a good rest of your day. And I will talk to you soon.