2. Build Your Village

You have probably heard the saying "It takes a village," not only is it applicable to raising a child, but it's also relevant to positioning yourself for success. Navigating life, love, and business comes with many challenges, and you need to surround yourself with people who can support your journey. In this episode, I will discuss how to choose your own village people who will hold your hand, keep you accountable, and contribute to your success.

Top reasons to listen to the entire episode:

• Learn how to select your village members
• Find people who "get you" and will support your journey.
• Discover how to develop a safe space for you and your villagers.

I hope you enjoy the episode and find the information helpful for building your own village.

Mentioned Resources

Positioned Network

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:04

Have you come to the point in your life where doing that work, church, home, repeat just isn't working for you anymore, and you know there's gotta be more to life than this, then girl, you've come to the right place. I'm Kimberly Knight, and this is the Position Podcast. As a certified coach, consultant, author, and speaker, I've had the privilege of helping women to position themselves for success in life, love, and business. So if you're ready for some wisdom wrapped up in a little bit of girlfriend, join me and other experts each week as we give you the conversation coaching and keys you need to take you to your next steps. Have you ever heard it takes a village to raise a child? Well, that's the same thing that it takes to position you for success. In my business, I have a whole cabinet of business advisors that I can go to, including a bookkeeper, a podcast producer, and others who support my journey and cut my learning curve. It was the same thing when I realized I wanted to get married. Girls, I needed a whole village for that one. The problem was that the people who were in my village weren't able to support me in that way. Some of them were muddling through trying to figure it out for themselves, and they were having even less success than I was. And then there were others who I didn't feel safe enough to be vulnerable with and really tell them how I was feeling. Still others were nursing their own relationship hurts and pains and wounds, and while they wanted to be supportive, they were too wounded to give me wise and unbiased counsel. Still others thought I was better off grown and alone. And by the way, one of them actually said that while she was holding her husband's hand. And then there were other villagers who supported my journey, but did not have the skill set to help me find lasting covenant love in my late 40s. Girls, I told you I needed help. I needed help at a whole new village. I know that I wouldn't be where I am in business if it were not for the insight of my villagers. And I know for a fact I would not be married today if it were not for the insight of my village. I would tell them about the progress of my relationships, my thoughts, my hopes, my concerns, my feelings, and my temptations. I would get advice on how to handle tricky situations, and they would give me sound wisdom, prayer, support, and advice. So on today's episode, I'm going to talk to you about how to choose your own village people. Now, first, you want to be really, really wise in choosing your village members. They have to be strong enough to tell you the hard truths that you may not want to hear. And then there are also several other qualifiers for village people. They've got to be able to say no to you and they should also know you. So they've got to be able to tell you no when you're about to make a foolish choice or at least something that's unwise. And they should know you. They should know what usually runs you off your eels. They should know what makes you tick and what ticks you off. Also, they've got to be able to hold you accountable without being judgmental. They have to be safe space for you. Listen, they also have to be able to see you blessed and not be jealous or envious. I have to tell you the truth, and my own life has played this out. Nothing reveals a hidden hater quicker than an open blessing. Watch what I tell you. Not everybody can handle both your tears and your laughter with genuine love, like it says in Romans 12, 15. You really have to make sure that this person is for you, whether it's on the good stuff or it's in the bad stuff, whether you're getting blessed or you're going through the valley, your villagers have to be there and be strong for you. They also have to be healed and whole enough to give you unadulterated support. There were people in my life who really loved me, but they weren't healed enough from their own journey to give me unbiased counsel. You know, when I was single and I wanted to get married, I was clueless. I had been single again for almost 15 years, and I was so determined not to do something wrong that I spent more time thinking about what not to do than what to do. After all, many of you may not know this, but at that time I was a divorce paralegal. My area of practice was marriage and family, and I had seen so many things go wrong, and I was scared to make another mistake myself. I knew I needed a village to hold my hand and guide me through the process. I also knew my present village wasn't going to be able to handle that. So I hired a coach. I hired a coach who helped me to work through my readiness. She taught me the practical points of meeting and dating a high-quality man. She held me accountable and pointed out some destructive and self-defeating patterns. She helped me to shift my mindsets and paradigms so that I could handle the love that I said I wanted. My village also included my mentor who held me accountable to my value system. I wanted to make sure that I was still walking the walk, right? And she held me accountable to that. I also had several intercessors who prayed for me and with me. They covered me spiritually and they helped me to make good, God-honoring decisions and to practice better discernment. Additionally, I needed friends to giggle with when I received flowers. And I had one who bought me a new lipstick because she said the old one was tired. She was right. It was tired. I'll tell you the truth, ladies. I was wearing that same lipstick for probably 10 years or more. Same color, no matter what the outfit, no matter what else was going on, no matter what the event, same color. She was like, let it go. Release it. Let it go. I had another one who owed an odd over my Valentine's candy. She ate it too. By the way, girl, you owe me candy. You know who you are. Mm-hmm. I also got a new hairdo, and I will tell you the truth. I got a new stylist and I got two packs of hair. And I'll tell everybody, two packs of hair will change your life. Now, whether you dyed, fried, or laid to the side, doesn't matter. Whether you get it weaved or braided, it doesn't matter. But I am telling you, a good do will change your life. All of these villagers help me in the process. All these villagers help me on my journey. Now, and I will tell you, I have other villagers for other projects, but for this one, this is what I needed. That said, I have to say this. Please don't fight your help. If you are not willing to receive the counsel and the support and the correction that they're going to give you, don't do it. Don't do it to them, don't do it to yourself. Now you don't have to do everything that your village people tell you, but you have chosen them because of their wise counsel and their ability to direct you and cut your learning curve in areas where you're not as strong. So you have to trust that they may know a few things that you may not yet be privy to. So don't fight your help. Don't make it hard to support you. Now that said, I wanted to give you the descriptions of some villagers that you may need on your journey, whether it's life, love, or business. Here are some traditional and non-traditional villagers you might need in your village. Let's start with a good sister friend. Now I call it sister friend because she's going to enjoy the journey with you. This woman is the sister you would have chosen if you had a choice. She's someone who will put your flowers in a vase and smell them with you too. She'll walk that journey as you learn and you love and you grow and she'll be right there by your side. You may also need a counselor or mental health professional that can help you to reconcile anything that was emotionally painful in your past so that you can move forward unencumbered by trauma and past experiences. Ladies, if you need this type of help, do not be ashamed. In the multitude of counsel, there is safety. There's also a non-traditional village member that you might need. I call it the I'm about to do something stupid monitor. This person knows you and is not afraid to know you. Their main purpose is to alert you when you're about to do something that you're going to regret later on, and they hold you accountable to your core values. You'll also want to hire a coach, a wise and impartial woman who's walked the same walk as you and shares your value system. She can cut your learning curve and help you to position yourself for success much quicker than if you had done it on your own. Lastly, always include an encourager. And this is someone who inspires you, who gives you hope and courage, and who always says to you, you can do this. You've got this. Everybody needs a cheerleader. Now, there's some other village people that you will probably need that may be very specific to whatever it is you're trying to accomplish, whether that's in business or you're trying to have a successful marriage, but these are just some to get you started. I hope that as you build your village, you'll include me and the physician network. If you're ready for a whole lot of wisdom wrapped up in a little bit of girlfriend, we got you. Membership is free and there's a link in the show notes. So if you have any questions or you want to share something with me, my contact information is in the show notes as well. So until next week, be wonderfully blessed. Bye now. That's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this week's episode. Be sure to subscribe to the show wherever you're listening so you never miss one. I would love it if you would share the podcast with your friends, post about it on Facebook and Instagram, or leave a review. That way you can help me to bring you more great content and expert guests. Until next week, be blessed.