32: Love, Laughter, and Boundaries: A holiday survival guide

Are you dating, newly married, or engaged and find the holidays more stressful than joyful? Maybe you're struggling to navigate challenging relationships during this time of year. In this episode, we are diving into how to handle the holidays, especially when it comes to newlyweds and serious relationships. If you need guidance on sharing traditions, setting expectations, and creating a harmonious holiday experience, this episode is for you. Tune in as I share valuable insights and actionable tips for a joyous and stress-free holiday season.

In this episode, you will be able to:

1. Learn how to navigate and handle difficult or challenging relationships during the holidays.
2. Understand the importance of discussing and setting expectations with your spouse, fiance, or significant other regarding holiday traditions and celebrations.
3. Gain valuable insights on creating a budget, practicing emotional amnesty, and addressing disrespectful behavior towards your spouse to maintain healthy and mature relationships during the holiday season.

Connect with Kimberly

Join the waiting list for Positioned for Love - Ready to find the love you've prayed for and deserve? Join Kimberly's Positioned For Love program, tailored for single Christian women, and gain exclusive early access to our next enrollment.

Follow Kimberly on Facebook

Connect with Kimberly on Instagram

Visit her website

Download your copy now -> Should You Take Your Ex Back

Transcript

Speaker: 0:04

Have you come to the point in your life where doing that work, church, home, repeat just isn't working for you anymore? And you know there's gotta be more to life than this, then girl, you've come to the right place. I'm Kimberly Knight, and this is the Position Podcast. As a certified coach, consultant, author, and speaker, I've had the privilege of helping women to position themselves for success in life, love, and business. So if you're ready for some wisdom wrapped up in a little bit of girlfriend, join me and other experts each week as we give you the conversation coaching and keys you need to take you to your next steps. As you know, the holidays can really be stressful. And especially navigating relationships, well, let's face it, they can be complicated. So let's talk today about how you can handle the holidays, even those difficult or challenging relationships. Especially if you're a newlywed, this is going to be really important. Share your holiday and family traditions with your spouse, or you know, if you're now engaged or in a very serious relationship, share your traditions, talk about your expectations and what the holidays will look like. A lot of times we have issues because we haven't had these discussions and we just think, well, these are fun for me and I've always done them. Of course, they'll be fun for you. Well, you know what? I don't want to come to your ugly sweater contest and I don't want to eat fluffinutter. I don't. Thank you for inviting me though. So have those conversations, be deliberate, and talk about what your expectations are. A lot of times the stress that we experience in our relationships during the holidays are because of unmet expectations. Guess what? We can't navigate something we haven't discussed. So let's be deliberate about it. Number two, discuss with your husband, your fiance, or your significant other. What family traditions have you shared in the past that you would like to continue? So first talk about your expectations and what you've done with your family, and now talk about what you would like to continue because there may be some things that you don't want to continue. Perhaps you don't like fluff another either. I'm just saying, not crazy about the fluffinutter. All right, number three. Decide together what new traditions and practices you want to incorporate into your newly formed family or your newly formed relationship, as well as what you will continue with your family of origin. So there's two different things you need to decide here. What are you going to do with your newly formed family? And what are you going to continue to do with your family of origin and his family of origin? And whether or not you will attend the other person's family functions. Again, you've got to have the conversations. Don't take for granted that that person is going to go or want to go. And here is number four, and it's really, really important. Once you've done that, notify your friends and family in advance. Let them know whether or not you're coming to the celebration. Let them know whether or not your spouse or your fiance or significant other is going to attend as well. And that's going to help to eliminate some of those hard feelings and bad feelings people get and the misunderstandings if we're having these conversations on purpose ahead of time. A lot of hurt feelings have come from folks who didn't want to come and eat the fluffinutter, but it's all in the way it's phrased. And let's head it off at the past instead of waiting for it to come up at the dinner table. Number five, decide what each of you is going to need during holiday events to feel loved and supported. So for example, someone who grew up in a small family may feel overwhelmed by your 12 siblings and all their children. Now, to you, that level of noise and laughter and lovely chaos is just your background noise. To this person, they are overwhelmed by your 50 cousins. So have that discussion ahead of time about what they would need in order to navigate the holidays and still feel happy and healthy and enjoy them. You should have that conversation. He should have that conversation, and you should find a way to support and respect each other. Now, number six, this is a biggie. And we've talked about money before because money is one of those things that is a very touchy subject. And even good relationships can be ruined by bad money talks or lack thereof. So you definitely want to determine a budget on your celebrations and then stay on budget. Oh my gosh, nothing is going to kill your romance faster than debt. Let me say that again. That was really good. Nothing kills romance faster than debt. So make a budget, stay on budget. You don't want to be paying off Christmas gifts at Easter. Personal opinion, but I'm right. Number seven, use a safe word that can be communicated discreetly if either of you is uncomfortable or ready to leave. So have that safe word ready so that there's not a big scene made. They don't have to go into a soliloquy. The other person, your spouse, your significant other does not have to sit there rolling their eyes. Come on. And making everyone uncomfortable. They can just give you the safe word that you've agreed upon and then you start wrapping it up. I'm telling you, I'm saving relationships all over the country. Number eight, practice emotional amnesty with your spouse, your fiance, or your significant other. They may not feel comfortable celebrating the way you do, but don't shame them or blame them because they don't celebrate the way you do or enjoy the same things. Don't try to manipulate him into celebrating the way you did when you were single. If you are now in a serious relationship or you are engaged or married, everything shifts. Listen to my other episodes. Everything changes. Everything. So I was going to say, don't put your foot down because you don't know what you're going to end up stepping in, right? You want to be flexible. Of course, you want to enjoy some of the things that you've enjoyed in the past, but also be open to new things. And if the two of you can't agree, whatever you do, don't manipulate, don't shame and blame. Have more conversation and come to a mutual understanding. This is what it looks like to have healthy and mature relationships. So don't blow it at the holidays. Lastly, now this is a big one. And I have to tell you, I see this a lot. One of the things about the holidays is it can be a touchy time for some people. And also you see a lot of things come to a head. I don't know what that's about. I don't know if it's the stress from the season. I don't know if people are just feeling uh light and happy, so they are loose with their tongue. But if someone disrespects your spouse, like a family member, friend, if it should happen, you need to address it quickly and lovingly and directly with them, right? And if it should reoccur, then you need to determine whether the two of you need to remove yourselves from the situation until uh more decisive action can be taken. But don't tolerate someone disrespecting your spouse. That's not okay. That is not okay. You two are one, right? The two shall become one flesh, and let no man put asunder what God has joined together. So I have to tell you, this is a sticky one because here's the other side of that coin. Sometimes what they're saying may be disrespectful, but it may also be true. My, my, my. Even if it's true, it doesn't mean it needs to be said in mixed company. Even if it's true, it doesn't mean that that gives that person the right to say it at all. And it's okay to say we're not going to have that discussion today. This is not the time or the place. My my. I'm just thinking back to some of the things that I've witnessed and how out of hand they got and how it took years for people to be reconciled. So determine ahead of time how you would handle any such situation. Remember to remain calm. You don't need to make a drama out of it. Be resolute, be succinct, be deliberate, and then have that discussion with that person, if need be, outside of the situation. All right. I hope those were helpful. Um, those are just some of the tips that may help you to get through the holidays, especially if this is your first one married or your first one engaged, because everything is shifting, everything is new, and not everybody has adjusted to your changes yet. So I'm hoping this is helpful. If you have a tip for navigating relationships during the holidays, please send it to us. My email is in the show notes. Be sure to like and share the episode. Until next time, be wonderfully blessed. That's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this week's episode. Be sure to subscribe to the show wherever you're listening so you never miss one. I would love it if you would share the podcast with your friends, post about it on Facebook and Instagram, or leave a review. That way you can help me to bring you more great content and expert guests. Until next week, be blessed.