EP97: How the TEDx Nearly Broke Me -- And Why Business Can't Stay the Same

In this raw and unfiltered episode, I reflect on the aftermath of delivering my first TEDx talk — an experience that was both empowering and uncomfortable. 

I share how stepping onto that stage and finally speaking my truth sparked a deep reckoning about my work, my impact, and the online business space as a whole.

After years of playing by the unwritten rules of visibility — curated vulnerability, algorithm games, and selling success over substance — I. AM. DONE. 

I lay bare the exhaustion of constantly battling an industry that prioritizes profit over integrity and marketability over real impact. But this isn’t a resignation — it’s a revolution.

Heed my powerful call to action for ambitious women leaders: Stop shrinking to fit spaces that were never meant for you. Stop waiting for permission to claim your expertise. Stop being the hidden force behind others' success and step into your own.

The DragonFIRE Advisory is born out of this realization — an elite advisory for women who are ready to lead with power, purpose, and profit — without playing the games that drain them. This episode is a must-listen for women who are tired of fitting in and are ready to rise with significance.

Chapters

• 0:30 Business Blasphemy Podcast Host Reflects
• 8:17 Online Business Frustration and Reflection
• 16:13 Embracing Significance
• 24:27 Embracing Your True Visionary Self

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:30

Welcome to the Business Blasphemy Podcast, where we question the sacred truths of the online business space and the reverence with which they're held. I'm your host, sarah Khan speaker, strategic consultant and BS busting badass. Join me each week as we challenge the norms, trends and overall bullshit status quo of entrepreneurship to uncover what it really takes to build the business that you want to build in a way that honors you, your life and your vision for what's possible, and maybe piss off a few gurus along the way. So if you're ready to commit business blasphemy, let's do it. Hello, hello, blasphemers.

Speaker 1: 1:05

Well, you probably have noticed that I dropped season four, episode one a few weeks ago and then radio silence. I didn't drop any other episodes. Yeah, a that is super unusual for me and B I am not making myself wrong for it. I dropped that first episode a couple of weeks ago, just in advance of my TEDx talk, which happened on the 19th of January, and, honestly, after that talk, everything just kind of exploded or imploded or ploded. I don't know which direction they ploded in, but they ploded and everything has just been a lot for the last two weeks. Everything has just been a lot for the last two weeks. So let me take you on a little bit of a deep dive. Two weeks ago about thereabouts, I had the privilege of taking the TEDx stage and, honestly, that has been something that's been on my bucket list for a while now. Like it's, you know, it's something I've been working toward for a few years. Like it's, you know, it's something I've been working toward for a few years and so it finally happened and I was able to deliver a talk that, honestly, has been on my heart for most of my life. If I'm honest, right Like, the story of how I got the TED Talk is probably an episode for another day, but, in a nutshell, I've been applying for TEDx Talks for about two years now like legitimately applying for them, putting the applications in, et cetera and I've worked with a variety of coaches. I've worked specifically with coaches who are ex-TED producers. I've worked with speaking coaches who promised to you know, when you're finished with them, you're going to have a TEDx ready talk, you're going to have signature keynotes, you're going to have all of that stuff and, honestly, none of them panned out.

Speaker 1: 2:57

And you know me, I did the work. It's not like I didn't do the work. I showed up, I did everything that I was supposed to do and I submitted the talks that they helped me craft and every single one of them got rejected, and it was, I think, primarily because I wasn't being allowed to. I don't know, wait a second. I don't know if allowed, is that the right word? Allowed? No, I wasn't being encouraged let's say that's probably a more accurate word. I wasn't being encouraged to talk about what they thought I should talk about, what they thought in their expertise, ted would want to hear what they thought people would understand and what would quote-unquote sell. And it was very much one of those situations where, as happens with a lot of coaches not all, but a lot of coaches they filter your vision through their own lens and their own perspective.

Speaker 1: 3:52

So, getting to the point, I ended up pitching this particular TED Talk as just something I wanted to talk about. I was frustrated, I was tired, there was a lot going on and I said, if I'm going to put this application in, I don't like any of these other talks that I've crafted with these people. I'm just going to talk about what I want to talk about. I didn't overthink it, it was just. You know, this is my story. This is what I really want to share. I pitched it and I got selected. So there's a lesson in there that we'll talk about for another day.

Speaker 1: 4:18

But delivering that talk, this talk that was so deeply personal to me, was an incredibly powerful and very emotional experience. And very emotional experience Because in that TEDx talk I shared something that I've never actually spoken about out loud and I shared the journey of what I would affectionately refer to as my own inner dragon awakening, and I know people associate me with dragons and they think they know who I am and all of that, but the why I am who I am, that is not something I've really shared until now. So, having said that, I cannot wait for you to see the TEDx talk. It's going to go live, I think, in a few months. They didn't really give us a time frame, but they said probably around two or three months before they edit and get it up on the website and whatnot. But as soon as it's up, you'll be the first to know and I'm really looking forward to seeing how it resonates with you. So, yeah, stay tuned for that. But here's why there hasn't been an episode for a few weeks and what that experience really kind of unleashed for me and within me.

Speaker 1: 5:28

After the show was over and the audience started to file out, I would say probably just over a dozen women came up to me, one after another, and they thanked me. They thanked me for speaking my truth and for saying all of the things they have been told their whole lives not to talk about, not to say. They thanked me for helping them unburden even a little bit that curse of humility and shrinking and devaluing that we are burdened with as women. Right Seeing their worth only in what they do for others, like all of these things that we women have been told, is our birthright right. Seeing their worth only in what they do for others, like all of these things that we women have been told is our birthright right. Service is our birthright. Productivity is how we measure ourselves. And these women were coming up to me and thanking me and it was such such a validating experience Like I cannot even explain to you how much that just validated something within me and it made me realize that what I had to say, what I wanted to share, was not something that I had to keep hidden anymore because, you know, it was too hard to talk about or it wasn't good marketing or people wouldn't resonate because clearly they did, like there were actually people who needed to hear it and I was like it was such a wonderful, wonderful experience.

Speaker 1: 7:01

And then we went back to the hotel and I went to bed and the next day we drove home and I intentionally gave myself a few days to really digest the experience. And even my speaker advisor was like you know what, give yourself a few days to really digest what you've done, because I mean, I'm a fucking TEDx speaker, man Right, and my book came out the same week and like all of this stuff is happening and I just I really wanted to give myself time to revel in the accomplishment of how far I've come, instead of just jumping into what's next, which is, I think, what a lot of us do. You know, we do the thing, we accomplish the thing, okay, cool, what's next? We don't really give ourselves time to sit in and appreciate how far we've actually come. And, as an aside, I think this is one of the reasons why a lot of women don't feel as accomplished as they really are, and I thought that time off would allow me to really just sit and appreciate it, and I did, but it ended up actually doing a hell of a lot more. It actually nearly fucking broke me. It actually nearly fucking broke me and I have struggled since then to do really anything like send emails, post meaningfully on social media, talk to people, call people like hell, even you know, hey, do my podcast.

Speaker 1: 8:17

I have struggled for the last couple of weeks to do anything and that's when it started to dawn on me I fucking hate this All of it. I hate this shit. What shit? Well, not the podcast, but I'm just. The more I sat with it, the more I realized I'm really just over this empty, vacuous nonsense we call online business. Now, before you freak out, let me qualify what I'm saying here. I'm not saying online business is bad. I will always be an advocate for women-owned, minority-owned business. I will always, always, always champion entrepreneurship as a vehicle for agency autonomy and choice and freedom for women.

Speaker 1: 9:03

That is not the nonsense I'm talking about, because it's not nonsense, it's legitimate. What I am talking about is what we have turned online business into Algorithm roulette, pimping ourselves out for likes and shares, chasing virality, curated vulnerability, focusing on the stellar marketing and not sparing a thought for delivery or customer experience or even freaking outcomes. This feeling of constantly needing to keep up with the smoke and mirrors, bullshit coaches and hustlers of the online space, because they're quote unquote killing it. So we have to do what they're doing, because they look like they're being successful, but instead they have perfected this virtual sleight of hand that they're so adept at Like. If you've been listening for any length of time, you'll know that that is what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1: 9:52

I've been railing against that shit for years, trying to save people from the schemers and dreamers in the online space who are taking advantage of this collective need for safety and security and acceptance and success. And I'm tired I'm so fucking tired. And all those young women who came to me after the TEDx to share how they were, for example, the smartest woman in the classroom and still being made to act as secretary in group projects because they were the only girl. Or being told not to take credit for picking up the slack and doing the most on a report because it made the team lead look bad or because it was too braggy. You know, stay humble, stay in your lane. You know, stay humble, stay in your lane. Or or they're being discounted for their brilliance and their genius and their smarts because someone in a more privileged position was getting the opportunities they wanted, simply because they talked a better game.

Speaker 1: 10:53

And I and I sat there and I thought, despite everything, this shit is still happening. And yeah, of course it is. I'm not naive. The world is the world. It's going to keep doing what it does, but it's still happening. And these young women are going to leave school and get jobs and build careers where they're always going to be and I say this with sarcasm the DEI hire, because women are always the DEI hire. And then maybe they'll leave the workplace because entrepreneurship has this siren song of freedom, and they come into entrepreneurship thinking it's an easy way to get their agency and power back, only to be preyed upon by all the shit that shouts loudest in the space, shit that doesn't deliver, Even though it promises the moon, but constantly delivers a shit fucking sandwich, because for too many people, it is not actually about helping lift other people up. It's about making as much money as possible, as quickly as possible, no matter who gets tripped over on the way to the top.

Speaker 1: 11:48

Now, before you get your knickers in a twist, understand this. This is not about making money. I fucking love money and I intend to make a shit ton of it. I want it and that's not the issue. And I'm saying this as a caveat, because usually when I share sentiments like this, how I'm feeling I will undoubtedly get comments in my DMs from people who are like oh, your money mindset needs work bullshit. This isn't about wanting to make money or even really how you make it. How you want to make money is entirely up to you. I am done caring or judging or even wanting to give it any more energy. We all need to and should make it. How you want to make money is entirely up to you. I am done caring or judging or even wanting to give it any more energy. We all need to and should make money. So then, what the heck is my point? What am I talking about? What do I want to do about it? Honestly, I just I don't want to play the game anymore. I don't want to play this game anymore.

Speaker 1: 12:39

The TEDx really helped me see how everything in the online business space it's like it sucked the life out of me and I was struggling to muster the energy or enthusiasm to do it that way anymore. And I realized I have been feeling like this for months this angst, this weird, like I don't even know what I'm doing or how I want to do it or what I should be doing, like some days I even ask myself do you even have the enthusiasm to do it at all? But unfortunately I'm probably unemployable at this point, right, I love entrepreneurship. I love the creative freedom it allows me and the freedom it allows me period, like you know why we're all here, so I'm not giving it up. But the frustration has been brewing for months and the TEDx was just kind of the spark that lit the fuse.

Speaker 1: 13:26

And then the other day I had lunch with a friend and you know she started talking about her passion, about how she wanted to reframe for women how we are talked to, and about menopause, right, how she really wished there was a way to reframe it as a liberating experience instead of a sentence of some kind, which is how we are generally talked to about it. And then I read an email later that day from a former colleague who has been working so damn hard for so long I know because I was there with her and she shared how she wanted to spend more time with her kids, who were growing too fast, and how she wanted to enjoy her family and not just hustle harder, indefinitely waiting for retirement age to do things that mattered to her, like give back to her community and donate to causes that were important to her. And then I saw a post from a contact who I've known for a while and who shared that they had lost yet another friend who was only in their 50s and how they were so sad because this person had finally gotten a position at work that they'd been working so hard for for so long and they had so many plans with what they were going to do with their newfound access and clout and it was all cut short excess and clout and it was all cut short and the futility of it all. I broke down and over the last two weeks I have cried myself to sleep more nights than I care to admit. And I shared this sentiment with a friend that I was just done. I was over it. I didn't know how to move forward or what I wanted to do or even what I was feeling. I couldn't articulate it and I said you know what? I just want to give up. Why the heck am I still doing this? Because it's all just shit right. And I think a lot of us have felt that way and I'm tired of fighting against the current like the proverbial salmon swimming upstream. And I was tired of talking about it and I won't go into detail. But and in a very Sarah-esque, snarky way I replied with come on, all of our voices are needed. And when I tell you that, that little snark, that little comment that I made to her beautiful reframe is when everything became crystal clear the frustration, the angst, the last few months, all of it.

Speaker 1: 16:14

Too many of us have spent too many years being and doing what other people not only saw value in but told us had value. I mean, as an aside, there's a great deal of irony in me just realizing that, considering that was literally the foundation of my TEDx talk. Let me tell you. But we have been forced to shrink our genius, our talents, our gifts, our passions, our purpose, because people don't get it, because people don't understand our vision, they don't understand our desire to make an impact and make change, because change is not always sexy and it requires a different way of being and doing and thinking. That requires people to get really, really fucking uncomfortable. And so we have spent our lives and our careers, and now our businesses, working hard, trying to slowly shift the sands, slowly trying to interject our brilliance into conversations and ecosystems and spaces that are dedicated to superficiality and quick wins, that don't include everyone, that don't care about the long-term ramifications of the work they're doing, because it's only the now that matters to them.

Speaker 1: 17:41

We have supported the supposed game changers and change makers and people on the front lines and helped to shape their missions and their actions. We've inspired and taught and molded with the hope that we will liberate people if we can just show them a better way, a way that we can clearly see, because we see 20 steps ahead. We see what is needed for their work to really have impact, to really make change. But the sparkly experts who talk a good game are so much more exciting and flashy and say all the right things. I mean honestly.

Speaker 1: 18:19

How many times has a coach told you don't talk about the effort it's going to take, don't talk about the work in your marketing, because people don't want to work, they're tired, they want quick, they want easy. Well, let me ask you this Consider that maybe it has less to do with them not wanting to do the work and more to do with the fact that they have been consistently doing the wrong work because that is all that is ever available. How many of us want to do paradigm shifting work because we know what's at stake? But this burden of humility keeps us small. We feel like having to get the level of attention required for people to actually see us requires us to have to compromise on our ethics or our values or our integrity. I'm here to tell you that that is not the case.

Speaker 1: 19:14

Every single fucking time I've compromised my values to get success or to get access, I have lost something so much greater my integrity, my passion, my drive, my success. Really. And every time I've done exactly what I've been called to do. I have made the kind of impact people only dream of making. And, yes, I have made money doing it. But it has required me getting really fucking uncomfortable with being visible Not just visible like posting and having all these platforms, no, but being significant, really embracing the idea of wanting to be significant. I have had to step into and believe that who I am and what I want to do and what I have to share is significant and requires nothing less than doing it in the most elevated way possible.

Speaker 1: 20:25

I realized it is time for us people like you and me to stop being catalysts for other people's surface-level greatness. It is time we stepped into our own greatness, stopped waiting for people with quote-unquote power to give us the space and the stages to talk about what's on our hearts or to even deem it worthy of being spoken about. It is high time we acknowledge that we can. We can cultivate that power for ourselves. It's time we built businesses and platforms of significance so that we can stop playing in the arenas where we are required to shrink, so other people can make sense of what is important to us, the way that we see things Like.

Speaker 1: 21:12

Here's a great example like having to write and speak at a third grade level when your heart really wants to talk to people who are graduate level experts. So now that is the work Acknowledging and cultivating our expertise and authority, so we can not just step into spaces of leadership that others have created, but we can create our own. We have done the work. We have found success in our own way. We know deep down we are badasses and, quite frankly, so does everybody else. It's time to create the spotlight that you've known for a long, long time you deserve, and it's time to share your expertise to create waves of change in spaces that matter to you in ways that matter to you online, offline, in your homes, your schools, your churches, your communities, you name it. And that is the work Blowing the lid off of humility, coloring outside the lines, rejecting, staying palatable and likable to the status quo so that you can get the likes and shares from people who, ultimately, do not give a shit and don't matter and are never going to buy from you anyway because they don't understand you. It is time to ignite your own inner dragon, and so that is the work.

Speaker 1: 22:31

This past week, I launched the Dragonfire Advisory for women who are ready to do just that. It's a bespoke, one-to-one advisory program. You can call it coaching, consulting, whatever floats your boat, but it's going to help you clarify your unique purpose and put power behind it, so that you are out there leading and operating in a way that you were meant to, so that you can actually make an impact as a true leader and use that as the vehicle to scale your business. I mean, imagine that growing your business on your fucking expertise and experience and authority, not just how hard you hustle or whose proximity you have to get into. Imagine having people covet working with you without having to play algorithm roulette and dance like an ass on TikTok. Imagine having people come to you instead of chasing them to explain why you have what it takes and why you have to say what needs to be heard. It is possible and it's time we did it.

Speaker 1: 23:37

It's time to stop trying to change the way business is done and just create a new way altogether for us and for the young women coming up behind us, because, at the end of the day, all of this needs to mean something. It needs to mean something, so get on my calendar and let's talk about the Dragonfire Advisory. It's for the woman who is ready for significance. And, if nothing else, I want you to sit down this week and I want you to really think about what you're doing, how you're doing it and why. Is it what you were meant to do? Or are you taking the easy way out? Because that's what everyone tells you you should do, or it sells, or it's sexy?

Speaker 1: 24:27

Because if this is not what you were meant to do, then we really need to fix that sooner rather than later, because your voice is needed, your presence is needed, your genius is needed, your gifts are needed, you are needed and I need you to know you are not alone in feeling that pull, that need for significance, for doing something that actually means something and matters, because you are not just a dreamer, you are a true visionary and, honestly, not a lot of people can say that, no matter what they call themselves, you are valid. I love you. Let's do this. You can have success without all the BS that we've been fed for so fucking long. I'll talk to you next week, that's it. You next week.