Business Blasphemy
Sarah Khan, Business Advisor and Leadership Consultant, is calling B.S. on the hustle-focused status quo of business and entrepreneurship, and getting real about what it takes to grow a business or career and NOT become a statistic. In each episode, Sarah helps navigate the rampant B.S. that permeates business strategy, marketing, operations, and mindset that has business owners hustling and pivoting themselves into burnout. She cuts through the noise and gives you guidance on how to view the status quo with a more discerning eye. If you're ready for success without the B.S., buckle up for hard truths, fun rants, terrible puns and (more than) the occasional curse word.
Business Blasphemy
EP99: The Dirty Secret of Online Business Coaching
The online business coaching industry doesn’t want you to succeed — it wants you to stay dependent.
In this episode, I share the truth behind high-ticket coaching, why so many programs fail ambitious leaders, and how to break free from the cycle of feeling “not enough.” I share my own experience with TEDx, speaking and business growth coaches, the moment I stopped following their rules, and the game-changing realization that led to my success. If you’ve ever felt like your ambition is being shrunk instead of supported, this is the wake-up call you need.
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Welcome to the Business Blasphemy Podcast, where we question the sacred truths of the online business space and the reverence with which they're held. I'm your host, sarah Khan speaker, strategic consultant and BS busting badass. Join me each week as we challenge the norms, trends and overall bullshit status quo of entrepreneurship to uncover what it really takes to build the business that you want to build in a way that honors you, your life and your vision for what's possible, and maybe piss off a few gurus along the way. So if you're ready to commit business blasphemy, let's do it. Hello, hello, blasphemers, you know, let me. Let me take you back for a second.
Speaker 1:I was pitching TEDx talks, probably for about two years, two years of working with coaches who were TEDx coaches. Speaking coaches had year-long programs, not just one, like there were several. I worked with three in particular. You know it was all about. Here's exactly what you need to say and how you need to say it. Here's the topics that are trending. Here's how you write a keynote that you can then sell into other spaces, and blah, blah, blah. As an aside, that is something that I think a lot of us need to stop doing. Right, this thing will allow us to use it in multiple ways after, when we haven't even gotten the first thing yet right? So, for example, if you are trying to put together a TEDx talk, don't worry about how you can leverage that later on until you get the TEDx talk. So you know, they're telling you all of this stuff and they're guiding you to write these keynotes and they're guiding you to and I mean, I was in one program where it was very, very pricey because this person was supposedly an expert and guaranteed you a TEDx talk at the end of it. And I mean they ended up pivoting their business about six months into the engagement. But 30 minutes a month with a coach, and then you're left to your own devices to figure things out. That's not really high ticket coaching and that's not really helping anybody. So all of that aside, all of that aside, I spent a lot of time working with coaches to put these talks together, and I wasn't the only one, because obviously a lot of these group programs, they have cohorts and you get to talk to each other. So we were not the only ones.
Speaker 1:Long story short, didn't get a single one, did not get a single TEDx talk, with all of these high-priced, perfectly curated talks that I paid a lot of money for and did a lot of work to perfect. I have five of them in total. They're still in my hard drive and they are crap. I look at them and I'm like this is not even me, but on paper they look fantastic. So I stopped because when you're pitching events over and over and over again and you are getting rejected left, right and center, it can be a little bit demoralizing. I'm human, right. So I stopped pitching. I was like I'm going to take a break.
Speaker 1:Then we ended up moving and mid-move we're in an Airbnb and I'm like you know what? I saw a TEDx event come up that was kind of local to my area, so I and everything set up, yet I was just working off of my iPad. I didn't have access to where I had put these talks, but they weren't working for me anyway. So I decided you know what fuck this? I'm just going to talk about what I want to talk about. So I pitched an idea that I had been feeling so deeply on my own heart and this was kind of the space I was in.
Speaker 1:The move was a big change. I was feeling really emotional about that and I was feeling a whole bunch of feelings about everything that had transpired that year 2024, because it was a hard year, right, I had had a lot of eye-opening experiences and a lot of wake-up calls and I just decided I'm just going to talk about what I feel. A lot of experiences, a lot of wake-up calls and I just decided I'm just going to talk about what I feel. And so I pitched it and wouldn't you know, I got the fucking talk.
Speaker 1:I got the talk, it got accepted, and I started to think about why afterwards and it's easy for me to sit here and say I pitched the talk on my terms, saying exactly what I wanted to say, and it's kind of true, on my terms, saying exactly what I wanted to say. And it's kind of true, right, I was speaking from my heart. I was speaking to something that look, a lot of you probably see me as somebody who just speaks her mind, right, business blasphemy, she is the dragon, she says whatever she feels like. But the reality is I really hold a lot back. If you've been listening to the podcast or if you follow me in any capacity, you're probably thinking bullshit, sarah. No, but it's true, I do. I hold a lot back, and a lot of it is because there is still that fear of like, what are people going to think, what are people going to say?
Speaker 1:And you know, this was one of those weird moments where I just didn't care anymore and I said what I truly wanted to talk about, the very thing that my very first coach told me not to talk about because nobody would understand it. It was too personal, it was too emotional and you don't want to do that because you want people to buy into the transformation and you want people to buy into the possibility. And there was some of that in there. But I was speaking from my heart. I truly was. It wasn't doom and gloom by any stretch of the imagination, but it was a very honest and raw story about my experience getting to this point as a woman of color who is ambitious and who did all the things, and it got accepted. That was the one that resonated. That was the one that, after the event, had young women coming up to me and saying thank you, thank you for saying what we have wanted to say for so long, but we've never been allowed to say, we've been too afraid to say out loud it was. I mean, I've talked about it on the podcast before just how emotional that moment was for me and honestly, it was a gut punch. It was a huge wake-up call because it made me realize something, not just about how we show up as people in the online business space, but it made me realize something about the entire coaching industry.
Speaker 1:So years ago I went on a bit of a tirade in my blogs, because I had a blog back then and I talked about how much I hated self-help, the whole self-help industry. Now, first of all, don't get me wrong, I think self-help is wonderful. It's been very, very helpful and really supportive of people who need it. But the way it's been spun over the decades right, and you have these gurus in the self-help space, your Tony Robbinses and whatnot who profit off you never feeling quite good enough. You're always just a little bit. You need a little bit more work, a little bit more work, and that's fine. I'm not saying the work ever stops, but the mindset work, that's maintenance work. Right, that's not the work that actually fundamentally changes you at a behavioral level. It's not. That's the work you do when you have begun the change, and now you're maintaining the change. But the whole self-help industry rely, and I'm talking about the industry, okay, relies on you never quite feeling good enough.
Speaker 1:And the online coaching space, the online coaching industry, is exactly the same thing. It requires you to never feel good enough. It requires you to never feel right enough because it needs you to constantly feel less than in order to sell to you. That's the bottom line. That's the truth. It is predicated on making people like us bottom line, that's the truth. It is predicated on making people like us right, people who have real visions and who actually want to leave a mark. And for all of this to mean something, it's necessary for us to never feel like we quite fit.
Speaker 1:Your sales aren't good and they break it up. Your sales aren't good enough. Your messaging isn't good enough. Your operations aren't good enough. This isn't really like it's. It's a never ending cycle of you need more, you need more. It's not good enough yet. Now, yes, I get that. This is nuanced because you obviously need to continually do the work. You're never finished working. I get that.
Speaker 1:But at some point there there has to be an elevation, and the entire coaching industry is built to make sure that elevation doesn't happen, because it requires them to shift. We've seen a little bit of this shift recently, with a lot of online coaches suddenly switching tactics right, and I mean, I don't know if you remember when vulnerability and authenticity became a thing, because there was this pushback against all of the curated bullshit on Instagram and whatnot. So they do kind of pivot a little bit, but they never elevate. And the truth is a lot of these business coaches cannot handle big visions. They tell you they can, right, they promise you they can, but when you come to them with something that is different, something that requires breaking the status quo that they have been benefiting from and profiting from for so long, they panic, they start trying to shrink it down, they start trying to say no, no, no, you got to clarify it more, you got to make it digestible, you got to make it relatable and, like all of these buzzwords, right, they aren't expanding your vision, they are dumbing it down so that they can understand it, because the horrible truth is a lot.
Speaker 1:I'm not saying all this is never an all or nothing, but there are a lot of coaches out there who did the equivalent of a $7 weekend course and got a certification and they'll call themselves coaches, and most of them never even did that. They just decided one day that it was probably easier to coach than actually making a living serving people in a different way Actually, you know, putting your fingers on the keyboard, so to speak. So I'm going to become a coach because I did a thing, so now I'm going to coach other people to do that thing, but I only know how I did it and not taking into consideration how my life, my circumstances, my resources, my time, my energy, my money all of these things are completely different than everybody else's. Okay, but they think that it's just cookie cutter. I did it this way. I'm going to take a cookie cutter of that, put it on your business and you're going to have the same success.
Speaker 1:And if you don't, well, my dear, you didn't work hard enough. Maybe your mindset was shit. That's my favorite one. Your mindset was shit. You weren't ready, you weren't clear.
Speaker 1:Honey, the problem is not you. It's the problem that most coaches don't know how to guide people who are actually leaders at the level they claim to be teaching at, because most of them aren't leaders. They're good marketers. They sell a proven methodology and, yes, you need a methodology. You do. You have to have some kind of framework. You take people through.
Speaker 1:But the problem is 99.9% of the frameworks that are out there are frameworks based on how that person did it and you have to do it in the exact same way, because they don't know how to handle the detours. They don't know how to handle the things that don't fit. Instead of trying to accommodate them, they just cut them off. You got to fit in the fucking box, because if you don't fit in the fucking box, I cannot guide you to the very deliverable that I'm trying to get you to, not your outcome. They're deliverable. There's a difference. A good framework will help you walk through certain milestones like there's a process to getting where you want to go, but it allows for differentiations. It allows for things to be different. It allows for people to come with their own lived experience and you accommodate for that because it's not a deliverable, it's an outcome and there's a difference between the two.
Speaker 1:Having an idea that doesn't make sense to someone who's only ever had one idea is not a mindset block. It's a coach who can't see past their own limitations. And what happens when they realize their frameworks don't work? On limitations? And what happens when they realize their frameworks don't work? Well, now they start essentially doing lifestyle coaching. Yes, I can help you make money. Look at me. I'm so successful, I'm so glamorous, I live this incredible life. I have enormous success. You should be paying to be in my proximity, in my energy. Guess what? Proximity doesn't do shit. You still have to do the work yourself. And this is, I think, where a lot of people get stuck.
Speaker 1:Because, in my experience, what I have seen, what I have learned, is that people who truly, truly have a service heart, people who truly are building these businesses or trying to build these businesses, because they want to make a difference, they want to leave an impact, they want this to mean something, they want to give back, they want to do good in the world. We are the ones who feel it the most, because our vision is not like theirs. It's not Look, wanting to make money is not a value add to a business, it's an expectation. And people like us, we don't just want to make money, we want it to mean something. And that's why, when these quote, unquote successful coaches and whatnot, tell you that your mindset is shit or you're not working hard enough, or blah, blah, blah, blah, we take it personally, we internalize it. We internalize it because what else could it possibly be Like?
Speaker 1:Even I've worked with coaches who at first made me feel really seen. They said all the right words and they made me feel like, yes, they understand me, they get it. Until we got into the work and I realized they were giving me the exact same advice they were giving to every other client. How do I know? Because their messaging strategies were the same, their thought leadership tactics were the same, their frameworks were exactly the same. They were calling themselves the same things, but my vision isn't like theirs and theirs isn't like mine, and yours isn't either.
Speaker 1:This is the problem with this industry it's built for people who are following a game, not for people who are trying to redefine it. And if you are the kind of person that sees things differently, if you know you're like 10 steps ahead of everybody else and they're just still trying to figure out how to put. And I know it's hard to get, because a lot of the time you don't know what you don't know until you know it, and that requires you being in the space of a coach or a program before you start to realize this isn't really for me, but you do need guidance from someone who isn't threatened by your ambition, who isn't going to try to stuff you into a template because it's easier for them. Someone who knows how to honor and sharpen your vision and not just water it down for them. Someone who knows how to honor and sharpen your vision and not just water it down.
Speaker 1:So if you're sitting there thinking, okay, sarah, so what the hell do I do about it? I wish I had concrete advice. I don't, but there are a couple of things you can start to do, and the very first one is stop outsourcing your vision to people who can't hold it. You have to learn to trust yourself again. The number of people that have come to me after working with a coach and they needed to rebuild that self-trust, that inner knowing, I can't even begin to tell you. So many people have been beaten down morally by these coaches.
Speaker 1:And so how do you start trusting yourself again? Well, be really aware of your feelings and no, I'm not talking about leading from your feelings, that's not what I'm talking about. Like you can't be in your feelings and you're making pragmatic decisions, blah, blah, blah. But start reacquainting yourself with the sensations that are happening in your body when a coach or a mentor or a consultant or whoever asks you to do a thing a certain way and you feel some kind of way about it. I want you to pause, take a moment pause and I want you to ask yourself does this make me feel icky or does it just feel hard?
Speaker 1:Because a lot of the time when you're feeling resistance to something, you know the resistance is when the coaches start to gaslight you into thinking that you're not trying hard enough, you don't want it, blah, blah, blah. You got to try something different. A lot of the time, that resistance you're feeling is actually misalignment with your values, but we often will misinterpret it as I don't want it bad enough, I'm not trying hard enough, I just got to buckle down, double down and do it. You know, no matter how hard it is, there's a very, very distinct difference between something that is hard and you're feeling some kind of way because it's challenging you to work outside your comfort zone, and something that is fundamentally misaligned with your values and how you want to work and what you want to do, and if you're quiet long enough, you can differentiate between the two. That has got to start being your first order of business whenever you feel resistance, is it because it's hard, or is it because I really don't want to do that? Because your gut knows, and the more you can tap into your gut to make those decisions, or at least help inform them, the better you're going to be. But you got to be really, really honest with yourself, though.
Speaker 1:The other thing you need to do is surround yourself with people who are going to challenge you, not just affirm you right. A coach who just cheerleads you is not a helpful coach. You need someone who's going to challenge you, not just affirm you right. A coach who just cheerleads you is not a helpful coach. You need someone who's going to push you, who's going to call you out, who's going to question you Not in a way that makes you feel bad. All right, that's got to be clear. Not somebody who's going to make you feel terrible every time you get off a call with them, but someone who is going to push you in a way that helps you realize your potential and helps you realize how fucking magical you actually are, but not just rah, rah, rah your way to whatever. Who's actually going to say look, I see your vision and I see how important it is to you and I'm not going to let you off the hook because you deserve it. You deserve that. That's what you need, whether they're coaches or biz besties or just friends, and if people in your space are not helping you feel that way, then you need to start blocking them with vigor.
Speaker 1:Look, this is not meant to be a. Coaches are bad rant, because there are some really great ones out there. But if you are feeling like every coaching experience has left you feeling smaller and not bigger, trust that instinct. You are not the problem. The industry was just not built for women like us.
Speaker 1:Now, if this episode resonated with you, please share it with a friend. Hell, share it with your coach. See how they react. You know I really appreciate you being here and listening to this and this podcast is my passion project. So if this episode resonated, I would very, very much appreciate a share. I would appreciate a review on Apple Podcasts. And you know what, if you're feeling extra spicy, leave me a text. Head to the show notes and you'll see a link to do just that, because, at the end of the day, you can absolutely have success without the BS, and it's time we started calling it out. I'll talk to you next week. That's it for this week. Thanks for listening to the Business Blasphemy Podcast. We'll be back next week with a new episode, but in the meantime, help a sister out by subscribing and, if you're feeling extra sassy, rating this podcast. And don't forget to share the podcast with others. Head over to businessblasphemypodcastcom to connect with us and learn more. Thanks for listening and remember you can have success without the BS.