EP110: F*ck the Struggle Narrative: The Truth About Success for Women

In another raw and unfiltered episode, I call bullsh*t on the struggle narrative, the illusion of balance, and the weaponized performance of “empowerment.” If you’re a high-achieving woman who’s done everything right and still feels frustrated, invisible, or exhausted — this is your wake-up call.

Let's unpack why the current definition of success doesn’t work, how empowerment has been hijacked by hustle culture, and why balance is just another marketing scam. You’ll learn why exhaustion isn’t a failure, it’s a signal. And why redefining success, power, and ambition on your terms is the only way forward.

Whether you're a CEO, entrepreneur, or executive, this episode will help you reconnect with your truth and challenge the expectations that keep you over-performing and under-living.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

• Why “balance” is a lie that keeps women blaming themselves
• How empowerment has been commodified into endurance
• The real reason success feels hollow (even when you’ve “won”)
• What happens when self-trust replaces sacrifice as your strategy
• 3 steps to reclaim clarity and redefine success for yourself

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Business Blasphemy
• 2:15 The Exhaustion That Never Goes Away
• 5:04 The Lie of "Having It All"
• 7:16 Why Balance Is a Scam
• 9:38 Mistaking Endurance for Empowerment
• 13:36 Permission to Outgrow Your Dreams
• 16:53 Practical Steps to Reclaim Your Life
• 20:28 Episode Closing and Call to Action

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:30

Welcome to the Business Blasphemy Podcast, where we question the sacred truths of the online business space and the reverence with which they're held. I'm your host, sarah Khan speaker, strategic consultant and BS busting badass. Join me each week as we challenge the norms, trends and overall bullshit status quo of entrepreneurship to uncover what it really takes to build the business that you want to build in a way that honors you, your life and your vision for what's possible, and maybe piss off a few gurus along the way. So if you're ready to commit business blasphemy, let's do it. Hello, hello blasphemers, welcome back to the Business Blasphemy Podcast, the place where we don't whisper the truth. We shout it out loud and clear.

Speaker 1: 1:13

I want to talk to you about something that's been sitting pretty heavy on my chest for the last little while and, honestly, if you're like most of the brilliant, high-achieving, ambitious, multi-talented women that I work with and that I call friend and that I'm in community with, you've probably felt this too, even if you haven't had the words for it, and the reason I want to talk about it is because I've been out and about networking with local women here, talking to women in my online networks, and it kind of feels like we're all in the same place, we're all in the same boat, so to speak. Right, but it's this feeling that something is off, even though everything looks right, everything looks fantastic on paper, but there's something deep down that just doesn't feel like like. You feel like this, this constant feeling of almost an unsettledness. You know it's part exhaustion, but it's an exhaustion that doesn't seem to go away, no matter how much rest you get, no matter how many routines or retreats or redirections you try. It's like this simmering rage under the surface because you have done everything right and it still feels like you're sprinting on a treadmill and you don't even like to run. So let me not sugarcoat it for you like to run, so let me not sugarcoat it for you. Fuck the struggle narrative. There we go. I said it. Fuck the struggle narrative.

Speaker 1: 2:41

Now, before I continue, I know a lot of you are listening to this going. But, sarah, I don't buy into the struggle narrative. Cool, okay, cool, yeah. Neither do I. And yet when I sat down and really thought about it, I don't know.

Speaker 1: 2:51

You know, as enlightened and as empowered as we are. A lot of women, especially ambitious, multi-talented women, who do a lot of things, wear a lot of hats. We kind of do buy into it, this idea that we have to do everything, this idea that I'm the only one who can do it right, I'm the only one who can hold it, I'm the only person who knows exactly how it needs to be done. Moms, especially, are really fucking guilty of this. But this is the struggle narrative, this struggle that we wear as a badge of honor, because we have been told that we need to embrace the struggle because that's where empowerment comes from the overcoming of the struggle.

Speaker 1: 3:35

But honestly, if empowerment means exhaustion and if freedom means juggling 17 different fucking balls and identities without dropping any of the balls, and if your success requires your silence and your sacrifice and your self-abandonment, then what the hell are we fighting for? So let's dive into this, because I really feel like we need to talk about this giant fucking elephant in the room. We have wholesale bought into a big lie, and that lie is that we can be anything we want and that we can have anything and everything that we work for, and we can do absolutely anything we set our minds to doing because we are fucking awesome. And the women who came before us, man, they fought so damn hard so we could have choices. Now I'm not denying any of that, okay, but somewhere along the line that truth got twisted and it turned into a performance. It turned into something that was even bigger than we really anticipated or, honestly, really even wanted it to be.

Speaker 1: 4:44

And I'm telling you now, that is not liberation, that is expectation. Expectation Because we feel this unspoken requirement. I don't even know what the word is, but we feel like they made this big sacrifice for us, and so now I have to honor it in some way. That means being the best that I can possibly be. So you are supposed to be the CEO and the gentle parent. You're supposed to build an empire and keep your marriage thriving. You are supposed to be the CEO and the gentle parent. You're supposed to build an empire and keep your marriage thriving. You're supposed to drink the green juice journal, walk 10,000 steps, manifest, meditate, get promoted, hit six figures, nay, seven and eight figures. Now I mean I've even heard nine figures. Speak up, but be humble. Lead teams, volunteer, post relatable content about it on Instagram without a humble brag and a hashtag that says I woke up like this, jesus. I'm tired of just saying all that.

Speaker 1: 5:39

Look, let me ask you something. At what point did freedom start to feel like a freaking checklist and at what point did the checklist become the entirety of our identity? You didn't ask for this script, neither did I. We just got really, really good at performing it. And here's the kicker when you're great at something, people stop asking if it's actually what you want. People stop asking if it's actually working for you. They just expect you to keep doing it.

Speaker 1: 6:09

And while we're here, let's go ahead and kill another truth the concept of balance. We have made out balance to be this like holy grail of womanhood work-life balance, balance, balance, whatever you want to call it. But we've made balance this thing that we all have to somehow magically accomplish in our lives right Because we get to have it all. So now we need to balance this, that and the other. But balance is a scam. It's just another metric to measure your failure, another moving target that you're supposed to hit without making a mess.

Speaker 1: 6:44

Look, here's what balance really says If you're burnt out, it's your own damn fault. You haven't figured out the right ratio of ambition to affection, or of grind to gratitude. You just need to time block better, bitch. You need to meditate more. You need to say no more. You need to say yes more often. Read another friggin book about how to be more productive and peaceful. That is not balance. It's a game, and the game is rigged, let me tell you. And while you're trying to play the game, you're blaming yourself for feeling overwhelmed, stretched thin, disconnected from your own goddamn life because you don't know the rules. I'll tell you what I hear.

Speaker 1: 7:20

When people say the word balance, okay, the thing that comes to mind for me, like the vision that comes to mind, is a scale. You know those oldie timey scales like the lady the law lady with the scales. Scales like the lady the law lady with the scales. When you put weight on one side of the scale, what happens? Eh, imbalance. Okay, the only way to balance it now is to put more weight on the other side. See what I'm saying. So what you end up doing when you're chasing this fiction of balance is just adding more and more and more and more weight to either side to balance it out. So maybe we need to offer ourselves a different frame for this. Maybe balance is not the goal. Maybe what you need isn't more equilibrium. Maybe what you need is to get really, really clear on what's actually yours to carry and to cultivate the courage to drop everything that isn't or never was.

Speaker 1: 8:14

We are told we are empowered, we just have to go out and grab it right. But we've dressed empowerment up as a virtue. It's just another lie. It's just another thing they want us to do that actually keeps us trapped. Because empowerment has been marketed for too long as doing more, owning more, handling more, mastering more. It's become this twisted badge of honor to say I've got it, I'm fine, I'll figure it out. I always do, because I'm a badass woman. We've confused empowerment with endurance. But endurance is not power, it's survival, and you don't earn power through suffering. You don't become a leader by proving how much you can tolerate. And yet we do. We keep proving, we keep pushing, we keep performing, because somewhere deep down we still think that we have to earn our quote unquote worth. You don't have to suffer to be significant, my love, and you certainly don't have to prove you can carry it all just to feel powerful or to prove that you have some modicum of power.

Speaker 1: 9:21

Empowerment was always meant to feel like agency, but for some reason, for a lot of women it never has. It was meant to feel like we have choice, like we have alignment, like we have peace, inner peace. But you know what? All it's ended up doing is making us feel like we're ready for another damn performance review. Did I check all the boxes? Am I doing all the things I'm supposed to be doing, that people say I should be doing? Am I hitting all of the metrics of success that everybody tells me I have to hit in order to qualify as a badass, ambitious, high achieving woman? I did not leave the corporate space to feel like my life has to measure up to some fucking performance review.

Speaker 1: 10:01

This whole concept of balance, empowerment, high achievement it started to feel like an obligation. It's like we've mistaken our capacity as our identity, who we are and what we're capable of. And honestly, don't get me started on being capable, because being capable has started to mean to us that we're available to everything and to everyone at all times. But that's what happens when empowerment becomes yet another brand of capitalism, when even your healing and your leadership and your ambition get turned into content and get commodified, when empowerment starts to feel like you have something to prove, and empowerment and balance and all of these, they're just another standard no one can meet. It's a mirage, it's a marketing pitch, it's a fucking guilt trip in yoga pants, right? If you're just a little more organized, just a little more disciplined, a little more grounded, you could do it all. You could balance, you could be an empowered bitch. Honey, you're not tired because you're doing it wrong. You're tired because it was never really meant to work. You don't need balance, you don't need empowerment, you need boundaries.

Speaker 1: 11:25

And this is the awakening you start to have when you wake up inside a life that you built but don't start to recognize yourself in it. You look around and you see success, you see achievement, you see everything you said you wanted, but it feels hollow. It almost feels like a, like a vice in your chest, like you've outgrown it, but you're terrified of admitting it out loud. Because what the hell would that mean? What would it mean to say this thing that I've built, all of these things that I've accomplished, I don't fucking want them? Does that mean you're ungrateful? Does it mean you've wasted your time, the best years of your life, man? Could it possibly mean that you made a mistake? No, it means you're a fucking human being and you're evolving, which is what humans do.

Speaker 1: 12:29

So many of us wake up in this life that we've built. But we never really chose. We followed a script do well in school, get the degree, get the job, get promoted. Or maybe you build a business, build a brand, get married, have kids, buy a house, keep climbing the fucking ladder of success. Get married, have kids, buy a house, keep climbing the fucking ladder of success, whatever that ladder is, whatever wall it's leaned up against. And now we're here and we're not okay.

Speaker 1: 13:06

You look around and you realize you've architected a life that matches everyone else's expectations and version of success, except your own. Like you played the game and you won. You won, but you never liked the game. Like you can love your work and you can love your family and you can love your business and still, weirdly, feel like you're not in the room, like you are invisible in the midst of your life. So I want you to hear me when I say this you are allowed to outgrow a life that once felt like a dream. Let me say that again. You are allowed to outgrow a life that once felt like a dream. You are allowed to question things you never thought you were allowed to question and you are allowed to give up on things that no longer bring you joy. That is not quitting. That is self-trust. We've heard people say, yep, you're allowed to change your mind and it feels so easy and true, but it's really one of the most radical and difficult things you'll do, particularly in an environment where there is so much expectation of what success is supposed to look like.

Speaker 1: 14:33

You are not locked into a version of yourself that made decisions under different conditions, with different needs, in a different season of life. You can decide that what you thought you wanted no longer fits who you are today, and you can decide that what you thought you wanted no longer fits who you are today. And you can decide that who you had to be in survival mode isn't who you want to be in your next chapter. You don't owe consistency to a system that was never made for your evolution. Most of us do not make space for that honesty. We stay in the thing that's no longer working for us because it's familiar, because we're scared of disappointing people, because we're scared to start over. But your life is allowed to change as you change. Your ambitions are allowed to change with the seasons of your life. If the cost of staying is your self-respect and your joy and your clarity and your peace, then it is already too fucking expensive.

Speaker 1: 15:30

You are allowed to choose differently today than you did last year, last week or even fucking yesterday. You are allowed to evolve past whatever identity you built for safety or success or approval, and you're allowed to say this version of success no longer serves me and no, you do not need some rock bottom, pick yourself up off the floor moment to justify that shift. You do not need some big moment to be the catalyst. You don't need to wait until your body breaks down. You don't need to wait until your relationships collapse. You don't need to wait until you're so burnt out you can't fucking breathe. You can choose something different before it breaks. You can decide that self-trust is the new strategy, not sacrifice, not performance, not perfection. You are allowed to change your mind, and if this mini rant has stirred something within you, here are a couple of things that you can do right now.

Speaker 1: 16:26

Today, I want you to audit your life without judgment. Okay, I want you to go through your day-to-day, go through your routines, your calendar, look at what you're saying yes to and again, we are not judging ourselves, we're just looking at what we're saying yes to, and for each one, I want you to ask do I want this? Do I actually want this? Or am I stuck in a role, performing something I never consented to? Or maybe you did consent to it, but it's different now you don't want to consent to it anymore. So audit your life without judgment. Don't rush it, don't justify it, because, again, we're not judging what. I just want you to look, I just want you to notice, because clarity starts when you stop explaining your exhaustion and you start listening to it. So take the time to do this. Take yourself out for coffee, go sit at a coffee shop with a journal in your google calendar and just look and listen as you're doing the exercise, listen to the feelings that come up. And then, on a different day not the same day, okay on a different day I want you to take 15 minutes and just challenge the definition of success that you've been carrying.

Speaker 1: 17:40

Who defined success for you? Was it your parents, your family? Was it growing up in whatever environment you grew up you? Was it your parents, your family? Was it growing up in whatever environment you grew up in? Was it your industry, your mentor, your friend group? Was it fucking Instagram? Because, god knows, social media has had a really, really big impact on a lot of our lives and our versions of success. Let's be completely honest, especially in this online business space. So sit with the question what does success feel like for me? What does a successful life feel like, not just look like? What does it feel like for me?

Speaker 1: 18:14

If your current version of success does not match that feeling, guess what you get to change that definition. Does life need to feel more spacious for you? Do you want more time to do things that you thought entrepreneurship was going to allow, but you find it hasn't because you're so busy keeping up? And then the last thing that I would love for you to do I don't want you to ignore whatever feelings this episode stirred up in you, whether it's discomfort or anger or whatever. I want you to understand that's not a problem. It's a red flag, it's a signal. We really need to start dismantling this entire narrative, not with more advice, not with another damn strategy or clarity session, but with honest to goodness truth that we source from ourselves. It is time to burn down what doesn't fit anymore and rebuild something that does, something that is rooted in your definition of power not mine, not someone else's and if you're sitting up a little straighter right now if I hit a nerve or just tickled something.

Speaker 1: 19:24

Come back and listen to this episode again whenever you need that little loving butt shove. You know what. Send this to a woman you know has been carrying too much for too long and let's start that conversation. Let this be the thing that starts the conversation that has needed to happen for a long time. A conversation that has needed to happen for a long time Because, like I say every single week, you can absolutely have success without the BS, and now it's time we define what that looks like for us. I'll talk to you next week. That's it for this week. Thanks for listening to the Business Blasphemy Podcast. We'll be back next week with a new episode, but in the meantime, help a sister out by subscribing and, if you're feeling extra sassy, rating this podcast, and don't forget to share the podcast with others. Head over to businessblasphemypodcastcom to connect with us and learn more. Thanks for listening and remember you can have success without the BS.