Business Blasphemy

EP115: When Hustle Stops Working: The Entrepreneurial Midlife Crisis with Bri Seeley

• Sarah Khan • Season 4 • Episode 115

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You know the invisible scripts that shape how ambitious women are supposed to show up in business? This week I'm joined by Bri Seeley, success strategist and certified hypnotherapist to talk about how we over-identify with productivity, sacrifice joy for output, and sabotage ourselves without outdated beliefs.

From entrepreneurial midlife crisis to redefining ambition without burnout, we cover it all. Bri shares what she's had to sacrifice, how identity work changed her success trajectory, and why "doing less" isn't laziness -- it's strategy.

If you've ever felt like you have to earn your rest or prove your worth by checking off another box, this episode will shift something deep. And maybe even piss you off in the best way.

Guest Bio:

TEDx Speaker, Success Coach and award winning business woman Bri Seeley works with ambitious, high achievers to defy reality by bringing their most unrealistic goals to life without overworking, under living or sacrificing themselves for their audacious visions. Bri uses her signature DEFY process to help you design and create long-term and sustainable success – unapologetically.

You may have seen her winning awards for Entrepreneur of the Year, Business Coach of the Year, Business Woman of the Year and Los Angeles Mayor’s Small Business of the Year or on any number of press outlets such as Good Morning America, The TODAY Show, Forbes, Entrepreneur, Women’s Health and more. 

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And if you’re ready to dive even deeper, grab a copy of my book Bite-Sized Blasphemy and ignite your inner fire to do life and business your way.

The Business Blasphemy Podcast is sponsored by Corporate Rehab® Strategic Consulting.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Business Blasphemy Podcast, where we question the sacred truths of the online business space and the reverence with which they're held. I'm your host, sarah Khan speaker, strategic consultant and BS busting badass. Join me each week as we challenge the norms, trends and overall bullshit status quo of entrepreneurship to uncover what it really takes to build the business that you want to build in a way that honors you, your life and your vision for what's possible, and maybe piss off a few gurus along the way. So if you're ready to commit business blasphemy, let's do it. Hello, hello blasphemers, welcome back.

Speaker 1:

We have a treat for you today. I mean, come on, we have a treat every week, but this is an extra special treat. I have known my guest today for a while now I'd say probably a couple of years and let me tell you when I say she's like the best kept secret, but she's not really a secret, and I've just been holding out on having her on the podcast because, honestly, it's not fair to keep her to myself, but I also didn't want to share because I'm an asshole sometimes. Welcoming to the show my friend and yours, brie Seeley. Hi.

Speaker 2:

Hello, I know I think we met in like 2021 or 2020. Time is a flat circle.

Speaker 1:

I know it's been a few years, yeah, and we were in a mastermind together and like I just I don't know what it was, but I instantly clicked with you because you have a very similar no bullshit straight from the hip, but also very grounded in like I know what I'm talking about because I've walked the walk kind of business ethos. So I don't have people on the podcast that I don't genuinely respect. And I'm really excited to have this conversation today because knowing you, you knowing me and just what has been going on in the world lately, particularly as it relates to women in general and the kind of, you know, agency and advocacy work that we have to do in over and above just living day to day, I'm really excited about this conversation. But first can you please introduce yourself to everybody.

Speaker 2:

Yes. So hello everyone. I'm Brie Seeley, I am a success strategist and I also brainwash people for their success. I'm a certified hypnotherapist as well and I really combine in my work the inner and the outer. If you don't believe you can be successful, we can put together the best strategy in the world and it's never going to work for you because, guess what? You're probably going to self-sabotage if you even try to do it in the first place.

Speaker 2:

So I get people subconscious on board with where they're at, where they're going, what they're wanting, and then from there we look at the action plan. I'm very different in that a lot of strategists will just go in and give you an action plan and walk away. And while I can do that and I have done that and for certain people I will continue to do that but I know the power of the subconscious and if we're not also addressing your rulebook, your operation system, your guiding principles, like you, can't fight against 95% of your brain every day and win. So yeah, that's what I do in the world. I brainwash people and then I also give them success strategies, and it's lovely.

Speaker 1:

I love that and you know it's funny because I do tend to rant a lot about mindset as a whole and to contextualize it for those of you who are newer to the show. I do have a huge issue with mindset coaches, because a lot of the mainstream coaching is mindset focused only, like if you just believe in it enough you can be successful. But what's different about what Bree is saying is that you have to have the other part of it as well, like it's two sides of the same coin. Mindset doesn't work without strategy, strategy doesn't work without mindset. You have to have them together and I think that's the nuanced difference. So I'm really glad that you you're honest about the fact that, yeah, I'll brainwash you and make you feel good about stuff, but you're still gonna have to put in the fucking work.

Speaker 2:

End of the day, yes, also that, and for me, too, part of like what I've really learned over entrepreneurship and I called myself an entrepreneur coach for many, many, many years instead of a business coach is because it's about the person, right like if your identity is. I actually worked with a woman several years ago and I unfortunately didn't find this out until like the very last session we had, and I couldn't figure out why nothing was working for her. Her identity was her mom had told her at a very young age that being successful is selfish. Oh, and so she would show up every week and be like I need actions to take, I need things to do, and I would give her all these brilliant, brilliant strategies to do, and she would do none of them. And it's truly that identity piece. If your identity is such that you don't believe you can be successful, being successful is selfish. Only billionaires are greedy or all those things. If that's your identity and the operating system from which you are operating, you literally cannot create. You cannot surpass your identity. So there's a quote that I say all the time is that like people think that they can rise to their goals, but the truth is we all actually fall to our identity.

Speaker 2:

So, whatever that identity piece is and I'll tell, I'll be really honest with y'all. We're recording this at the end of April. I'm in the middle of Arkansas right now for two weeks by myself, house sitting for complete strangers that have a dog, two cats and 16 chickens, because I'm here doing my own identity work, because there are pieces of me that are not on board with where I want to go in the world and if I don't do this identity work, I'm never going to fucking get there. So I don't, like Sarah said, like I don't just preach this stuff. I know this stuff works and that it's true because I've studied the science behind it and because I fucking do it myself.

Speaker 1:

And I think that's the key, like I've talked about this on the podcast for the last few weeks, probably longer than that, but you know, I've been going through a similar journey myself and one of the things I remember saying this to a client years ago and I reminded myself of it recently and it's this idea that, because I'm a very pragmatic person, like you know, give me the, give me the thing, I can figure out how to do it and you need to take action. But I realized that you can collect as much strategy and action and you know the steps and the whys and the wherefores, but if you don't actually get on board with it, like you said, from a belief perspective, right, if you've got all the strategy in the world, you've had all the clarity sessions and you're still like I'm not making progress, it's not the strategy, it's not the clarity you have, that there's something holding you back from a belief perspective. So, yeah, I can relate to that. The last few months have really been about who am I and what do I actually want, but then, do I believe that I'm capable of attaining it and am I worthy of it? Like, do I actually believe this is something? Because what you were saying about your client.

Speaker 1:

I've been told a lot in my life that you know people like us. We're not rich, we live to our means and that's it. We don't need millions, we don't need more than our means, and that was like a really, really big belief hurdle to overcome, because, when I look back at my history, we've always had just enough money, do you know what I mean? Like just enough to cover whatever calamity, whatever thing fell, but we never had more, and it's a fascinating correlation. But you're absolutely onto something I want to ask you, then, in this vein what does ambition mean to you.

Speaker 2:

So I have also been unpacking a lot ambition, and part of it is for myself and part of it is I work with highly ambitious people. I always say that like I'm the person people call when they're ready to turn their impossible dream into their inevitable future. Like those are the people I work with. In that journey and in my own journey, I've recognized the ways in which ambition has sabotaged me and hurt me and left me with a lot of disappointment, and similarly for my clients. Right, we want not just the world, we don't want to shoot for the moon and reach the stars Like we want the entire fucking multiverse.

Speaker 1:

Speaking of.

Speaker 2:

Dr Strange, as we were just talking about, like that's what we want and I know that we also want it yesterday. So I've really been unpacking, like what does it look like to want more than just getting by, like you just said, without that ambition, killing me in the process, right, like stripping me of who I am in the world, really having me overworking and underliving, like what does that mean and what does that look like? So I tend to kind of straddle two worlds a lot, and one is the future world. I did my StrengthsFinder gosh probably close to 20 years ago now, and Futuristic was one of my top strengths Surprise surprise.

Speaker 2:

But the thing that I've learned is, because I live so much in the future, it takes me away from my life now, and I don't know if you've ever noticed the future actually, like tomorrow never comes, it's always today. The future is an abstract construct.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:

So I have really started being like okay, yes, that's the future. And also, how am I present right now, in this moment, in what I'm focusing my attention on right now, while also giving myself permission to elicit the feelings that my future self feels, because a lot of ambitious people also wait to say well, I'll feel successful when, or I'll feel abundant when, the thing is a little quantum-y, is like what came first, the chicken or the egg? Did the success come first and then you felt successful? Or did you feel successful first and then the success followed that right successful, or did you feel successful first and then the success followed that right? I'm of the latter camp, and I'm also of the camp that, like I don't want my journey to feel like shit on the way to my success or to my abundance or any of those things. So I have this vision of where I want to go in the future, while also anchoring it and experiencing bits and pieces of it in the present moment.

Speaker 1:

So what have you had to sacrifice for your ambition? And like, where are you drawing the line these days in terms of what you're willing to sacrifice?

Speaker 2:

I mean, really, when you and I met, I was definitely in the overworking underliving camp, definitely in the overworking underliving camp, and I sacrificed a lot of relationships. I've missed friends' weddings Because I overworked and because I was so committed to my vision. I have sacrificed my financial health in pursuit of my vision. I mean a lot of things. I've sacrificed my personal health in pursuit of my ambition and nowadays I'm just not really willing to sacrifice any of those things. So I got married about seven or eight months ago. Congratulations again, by the way, thank you. I knew even before I met him. I knew that something was going to have to shift because I didn't want to overwork myself through my marriage, like I was single for 12 years. So getting to that point where I found someone that I actually wanted to commit to was a big deal and I don't want to miss that.

Speaker 2:

Now are there seasons and sprints and, like I said, I just left Tulsa for three weeks to come do my own thing. But he also conveniently got a promotion at the same time and is really having to overwork right now in his job because he's getting set up for his promotion right. So there are seasons, but for the most part. We have date night every single Tuesday. We go out to eat at least once a week. We spend time together on the weekends, right? Friends are non-negotiable to me. My health is non-negotiable to me. I just got done doing a six-week cleanse. I told you I've had frozen shoulder and I, every Monday, go to see my bodywork practitioner. I have non-negotiable mornings where I'm in my spaciousness, communing with my higher self, my vision, my meditating, journaling, all those things. So in the past it's been that my business has held more of a priority than me and what I've realized is that without me, there is no fucking business.

Speaker 2:

Exactly, and most of the ambitious people that come to me are so burnt out, they're at their last, like string on their rope. They're like because they have sacrificed themselves so long in pursuit of this big vision. And I've just really been playing with over the last few years. Like what if it wasn't an either or conversation? What if I could be ambitious now?

Speaker 2:

Maybe not at the like 165% that I was running at before, but maybe at, like you know, like 85%, and then the other 25% is personal. We're still working out those percentages. But like what if I could redistribute that energy so that the journey. Feels better I have better relationships in my life. Feels better I have better relationships in my life. My wealth means more? I don't know. I've just really been playing with all of those questions and some days I feel like I have more questions than I have answers, but I'm really committed to finding a new pathway because I feel like I'm having a midlife crisis, like an entrepreneurial midlife crisis, and almost every single colleague in my life is at the same point in their journeys as well.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, gosh, so much of what you said resonates and I think people who are listening are probably feeling the same way, because I think a lot of women, particularly who have been in business for a while, who have had careers you know balancing home life and career, I think a lot of women, particularly who have been in business for a while, who've had careers you know balancing home life and career I think a lot of us feel this way. This idea of you know we've been told we have to choose. We have to put all our eggs in either basket. You can't have it all. And then you had the swing to the other end of the pendulum. Is that the phrase? The pendulum swing? Yeah, yeah, um, you know that pendulum, yeah, yeah, you know that well.

Speaker 1:

Who wants it all, like you, can have a little bit of everything. Nobody wants to have all of it and it's like well, why? Why is it such a binary perspective? So I would love to know what your advice would be like, how? Because I know I've, I've always felt like you. You only value what you make visible in your life. Right, we talk about values, we talk about priorities, but unless they're front and center, it's probably not a priority or a value in this season of life. So what advice would you give or how would you suggest starting to boundary your ambition, especially if you're somebody who has been full throttle in their ambition, like, how do you now start to boundary it without really sacrificing the end?

Speaker 2:

goal. So part of it is some identity work, like we talked about earlier. Right, we have to decouple ourselves and kind of release that hustle mentality that has been just so ingrained subconsciously into our world. Ambitious people also tend to place their worth and their value on how much they get done. So we need to uncouple this idea that we have to do more in order to have more, because we don't. You actually get to do less to have more, which is super cool. And we have to find a new identity where our worth and our value is not tied to our productivity, because when our worth and value is tied to our productivity, no amount I don't know if anyone else has noticed this no amount of getting shit done makes us feel like we've done enough. There is no quantitative value for enough and our brain will always trick us into the fact that we didn't do enough. So we have to decouple those things and we have to find worth and value in who we are rather than what we get done.

Speaker 2:

So that's the first thing, and that just takes a lot of evaluation, a lot of journaling, getting present, being observatory and just really reflecting on like, why do I do this thing? Why do I have a to-do list that when I get a hundred things done, magically a hundred more things show up on it Like how is this the thing? And then we have to really start looking at and this is the part where I love, because this is data-based, this is like actual I don't want to say science based, but it's like based in real, tangible things. It's like we all know we've all heard that 20% of our actions result in 80% of our results. So what if you could simply focus more on that 20% and do less and and create better results? And the way you do that again is reflection Okay, cool, it's Friday.

Speaker 2:

What actions did I take this week that actually produced results? What actions did I take this week where, literally, it was like crickets, cool, okay. Now, going into next week, what do I need to do differently? Am I willing to redo all those actions that produced crickets? Or what if I just took the 20% and did double that? So even if you just doubled the 20%, notice how that's only still 40%. So you still have 60% to play with. And if you want to take more actions, you can like whatever, but then it's rooted in data, like what is working for you what's not working for you, and can you give yourself permission to not do the things that don't work for you and decouple your value and worth from the amount of actions you take? What if it was about quality and not quantity of actions you take? What if it was about quality and not quantity of actions?

Speaker 1:

And that's so important because, when you think about it, so many of us operate on autopilot. You're talking about evaluate what you did this week, look at how that pans out for next week, but so few of us actually do that. We run to the finish line every week. We collapse or, like me, do laundry on Sunday and then again, you know, again Monday morning you're like full throttle and there's very little time to sort of sit and evaluate. That is something that I've I've definitely started to do over the last year take that Friday afternoon and really kind of sit down and evaluate.

Speaker 1:

But one of the things that I know personally I've struggled with and I man this. This feels like a huge failure on my own part as a mother, but my 16-year-old came to me the other day and she was just really down like really sad, and I was like, baby, what's going on? And she couldn't articulate it and you know it took a while to get it out of her. But she goes I haven't done anything this week. I haven't done anything this week and I was like what do you mean? You haven't done anything. And she's like I haven't done anything, like I've just sat around and read books and blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1:

And I will never forget how, the first time I felt that myself right, this idea that, yeah, okay, you're saying Bree, like do 20%, slow down, you know, only focus on quality versus quantity. But we are so conditioned to feel uncomfortable when we have space. And I mean, I've worked with clients where we have cleared their calendar and given them that white space back that everybody talks about, and they immediately feel like they need to fill it back up, exactly. So how do we start changing that very deeply ingrained belief that, if I am not and spoiler alert, this is actually what my TED talks about but this idea that my value as a human being, my worth as a human being, lies only in being of value to other things and people, and constantly doing, how do you start shifting that?

Speaker 2:

So here's the good news we're starting to shift it right now. So for those of you that are listening, congratulations. This is step one, huzzah. The first step to any shift or any change is awareness, and my clients like to always say damn it, brie, once I know something, I can't unknow it and I'm like I'm not sorry. So the first thing is awareness. Right now, in this moment, every single one of us is becoming aware of our programming. We're becoming aware of how uncomfortable that spaciousness is, and now we get to go out and start making changes to it. So I'm going to challenge everyone I know you didn't listen to this podcast for homework and I'm real sorry, and I actually, to help me cement this into my being, because spaciousness is a key ingredient in success Period. Full stop, end of sentence, microphone off.

Speaker 2:

I actually schedule spaciousness into my calendar. Now you can't override it, you can't snooze it, you have to actually sit with it. And this is going to look a bunch of different ways. Spaciousness can be reading a book, but a fiction book, y'all. A fiction book, no business books. During the spaciousness time it could be doing a puzzle. It could be taking a walk without a podcast in your ears. Y'all Shock, horror. I know right, it could be sitting at a fire. It could be just having like smelling a cup of tea. It could be like connect in with your senses and just let yourself be Now. If you need to start with five minutes, start with five minutes. You're not gonna be able to start with three hour blocks. Start with five minutes. Start with five minutes. You're not going to be able to start with three hour blocks. Start with five minutes. But don't override it. And it has to become a muscle, just like you would train a muscle in a gym.

Speaker 2:

Our brains do not change overnight. They change through repetition. When I do hypnosis with people, we do the hypnosis once and then there is a 30-day process that happens after it, so that you're literally repeating to your brain what you want and what you're moving towards, rather than the old narrative, right? So repetition is key. So if you're even scheduling five minutes into your calendar every day, I don't heaven forbid, go eat lunch, not at your laptop, I don't care, but like, turn it off for just five minutes. Yeah, I, that is where.

Speaker 2:

So for me, I'm I'm deeply, deeply, deeply spiritual and I firmly believe that I am co-creating with something that is way the fuck bigger than me. Every day, when we are busy, when our brains are full, when our calendars are back to back, to back to back, the universe can't get in and talk to me. My higher self, goddess, whatever you call it, whatever you call it, cannot commune with me if I'm not making time for it. So for me, those dates are to get guidance, get insights, get next steps from a perspective that, as a human, I physically cannot have but I need because I'm aiming for the multiverse. Y y'all yeah.

Speaker 1:

I love that. A couple things came up. So, first of all, you talked about books. I, just as an aside, I don't remember if I told you Addie LaRue Beautiful, oh my God, the way I mourned when that book was over. If you haven't read the Invisible Life of Addie LaRue, like honestly, go and get it. It was so good, oh my God like, honestly, go and get it.

Speaker 2:

It was so good, oh my god. And okay, I'm telling you, go on. I that is the one book I regret reading because I will never be able to read it for a first time again. That book was so good. I literally the book I'm reading right now. I chose because it has the same font as addy larue and I'm like it's gotta be connected somehow.

Speaker 1:

It's gotta be as good well, it's because that's how you described it to me. And so a little bit of backstory. And this actually speaks to the second thing I wanted to talk about. So y'all know my phone got stolen when I was in Barcelona. It was traumatic, it was awful.

Speaker 1:

Also, my phone was stolen and that's when I kind of put out the call, like do you guys have any book recommendations, or whatever because I don't have a phone for the next two weeks and I don't know what to do with myself and I'm in a different country and Brie very kindly, very graciously, recommended the Invisible Life of Addie LaRue and that's exactly how you explained it. Like that, you will never be able to experience it again for the first time, and it was. It was such a unique way of putting something and I don't know if that kind of set off the domino of what happened later. But when you're talking about taking five minutes and savoring the cup of tea, I've told the story a few times. I don't know offline, but I was in a cafe in Leeds because we went to England afterwards to visit my husband's family and I'm sitting in this cafe and they serve this Kashmiri pink tea and it's like a very unique tea. It's hard to make and to get it authentically is really, really challenging, and so we found this place that does it, and my husband's with me, my kids are with me, they're all on their devices and I'm like fuckers, like I don't have a phone. What am I supposed to do? Just sit and drink my fucking tea.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so I sat and drank my tea and the fact that there was nothing to distract me that I had to actually savor the taste and feel the warmth and look at the environment that I was in. When I tell you and I am not just saying this for showmanship it was that quietness and that sort of connection to like being in the present moment that cracked open a realization and like a truth that I have been chasing for the last six months. It was the catalyst in me going oh, this is what I meant to be doing here and it's super unrelated, like I wasn't looking for that in the moment, but I've been chasing it for so long and trying to force it and, like you said, reading the books and the podcasts and going for walks with stuff in my ear. And it was in that quiet moment where I was like you know what? I'm just going to sit here and enjoy my tea and let my brain kind of do what my brain does best. And it was. It was fucking magical. So I think that's yeah.

Speaker 2:

I think that's listening to that story seriously like and that is, that is the magic, because all the noise you can't hear the whisper of yourself, yeah, through all the noise, and like that's really where the magic lies is like I mean I've taken it to the extreme literally two weeks by myself in a tiny home with a dog, two cats and 16 chickens which, by the way, I'm also terrified of birds, but that is an entirely different story. I mean I've spoken to maybe five people in the last week and I have a week left, and like I'm here to just be fucking quiet and listen because the guidance that I need and crave and want right now cannot be found out there.

Speaker 1:

No, it absolutely can't. And I think the other thing, too, is that, like once you do find that whatever you're looking for in that quiet, it's not a one and done deal right, like this is why you're saying like you have to build this into your schedule, because if you have the realization and then you're like, okay, got it, and then you go full throttle again, you lose it. There's no space to actually allow it to expand. Right? I want to quickly switch gears for one second. I would really love to know, because I don't know if we've ever talked about this, but what is your villain origin story? How did you come to entrepreneurship?

Speaker 2:

It's all my mom's fault. I love her so much. So a few things. One she definitely raised me. I was an only child for 10 years, so I was definitely raised for like, what do you want for dinner? What movie do you want to watch? Like I got to call all the shots when I was a child, and even down to when my grandmother would take care of me and my cousin. If we wanted different things for lunch, she would make both of us different lunches. Like I was a very spoiled child and I just got what I wanted. I had a vision and I was handed it. What I wanted. I had a vision and I was handed it.

Speaker 2:

My mom then left a corporate job where she was being underpaid and disrespected and her boss was having an affair with one of her co-workers and like all these things. She left that when my sister was born and started a daycare and basically got to start calling her own shots. Well, I helped out with the daycare when I got home from school and then they bought a candy store and I started working the candy store and in the summer she would toss me the keys and be like, don't burn the place down, I'm going to be at the pool and so you know. I think it was a combination of a few things One, being super stubborn and just like dancing to the beat of my own drum all the time, and then, two, seeing the freedom that happened with being able to call your own shots and make your own schedule and not have to deal with the bullshit of coworkers and hierarchies and bureaucracy and all those things, and then mix all of that with me moving to Washington State after getting two fashion degrees and I don't know if you know this Washington State is not a fashion mecca. Really, it was like Patagonia or this crazy bridal designer who was fucking nuts or working in retail and I was like I don't want any of those things.

Speaker 2:

So I got a day job and started doing fashion on the side and those one-off bridesmaids dresses and flower girl dresses and prom dresses turned into my first collection and awards and my first runway show, which I won an award for, and selling on Zapposcom and dressing Toni Braxton and all these things. And by the point that I let go of my day job then I was like, yeah, I'm never. I'm never doing that again. I had my day job for about seven years of my eight years of my fashion label and then story for a different day. I was meditating 10 years ago and the universe was like fashion isn't it? Shut it down, walk away. And that's when I was guided to this business. But entrepreneurship is. I don't know if I'll ever not be an entrepreneur. I fantasize about it sometimes and then I'm like yeah, no, I'd hate that it's like you said earlier.

Speaker 1:

right, it's like you can't unknow what you know and the freedom and the just the autonomy that is available as an entrepreneur because I'm a reluctant entrepreneur, I never wanted to do this, are you kidding? I liked my nine to five, where I got a paycheck every two weeks and could tell people to fuck it on a Friday afternoon and come back on a Monday. But now that I've tasted it right, like now that we've been in it, it's really hard to do that. First of all, trusting that voice. That is something that I think a lot of women struggle with just trusting that knowing, or that voice that says, hey, maybe this isn't the thing, or maybe is the thing because we overthink stuff a lot.

Speaker 1:

But what do you think and I mean I think the world reinforces that a little bit too I think that we are. You know. The world reinforces the idea of you can't possibly know what's best for you. You have to make decisions in committee at all times, regardless of who the committee is, but everybody's always more knowledgeable than you are. So you know, get that advice. But what do you think the world is still getting wrong, particularly in the business space, around women's ambition, women's desire for more power, more money, more impact. What do you think is still really at the crux of like holding us back from fully unleashing and I'm going to say this in a kind of a cheeky way, but please don't just say patriarchy, because it's a cop-out.

Speaker 2:

I was not what I was going to say, but double will not say it. I mean I, I I do think that obviously that is like the water that we're swimming in, right, Like that is the perspective that all of us have known forever. It's really been I think I was just reading a book. It's been like 4000 years since the matriarchy was last blooming, right? So none of us, nor our immediate direct ancestors, know what that looks like. So we are all swimming in that and I think piggybacking off of your idea of like this committee, is that we do go outside of us again to like find those answers. Now I will tell you, had I gone to my parents I love my parents so much, right? This is not them saying we want bad things for you. Is not them saying we want bad things for you. This was them, operating from their conditioning, saying you can't possibly walk away from this. You've been building it for eight years. I did not go.

Speaker 2:

When I heard that voice inside of me in that meditation in March of 2015, it came with such a visceral knowing that I didn't talk to anyone about it. Now it was also on the heels of me hiring a business coach and totaling my car. There was a lot going on in my life that weekend. I was in a particularly, also very vulnerable state, but also I had been miserable for at least a year, if not two years, leading up to that point. And people are like, oh my gosh, how could you make a decision like that overnight? And I'm like, well, the moment came in that moment. But that moment was a culmination of two years of feeling like shit in my business, being stressed out, having panic attacks, basically vacillating between running a marathon on a hamster wheel and being in the fetal position in my bed. Like that was my life. So the voice that I heard and the visceral sensation I had, I trusted it because it was relief and there was a part of me that knew that if this was my life, for the rest of it I was not interested in that. There was part of me that needed to know that there was something else available to me and that whatever that something else was might not be easy, but it was going to be way more worth it than spending the rest of my life vacillating between the hamster wheel and the fetal position.

Speaker 2:

And I think way too often there's that saying about the devil. We know that, like we would rather sacrifice the unknown greatness for the known mediocrity or even the known goodness, right, and in that moment 10 years ago, I was like fuck, mediocre, fuck. Feeling like this every day, like there has got to be something better out there, and I burned the boat, pulled the rip cord and just decided to go all in on it. And my business just celebrated 10 years this month and I'm not saying that it's gotten any easier. Obviously I'm having an entrepreneurial midlife crisis right now, but like it's gotten way more worth it to like I know, whatever is on the other side of this entrepreneurial midlife crisis that I'm in is going to be so fucking good Because I'm also creating it from.

Speaker 2:

Be so fucking good because I'm also creating it from a different place. When I created the business 10 years ago, I was creating it from like holy shit, I don't have a business and now I have a really expensive business coach and also I have a car payment for the first time in a very long time and I'm living in LA and I now have no income. Like what the fuck am I going to do? Whereas now I have a little more cushion, I have a partner, I have some more freedoms afforded to me, where I'm like, I can create now from a place of abundance and alignment, rather than creating from a place of, like, scarcity and fear, fear.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I mean, there's something to be said about letting go, right, like I used to be the kind of person that saved every email that I got, every email newsletter, everything. I put it in a folder because one day I will read it, because there is something in there. I would sit through movies that I fucking hated. I would finish books because, well, I started and I got to finish, and we are rewarded for like persistence and stick-to-itiveness, and the day I was like you know what, it's okay if I don't like this and walk away from it, and that's something that I think more people need to allow themselves to do this idea that just because you built it doesn't mean you're married to it. Like you can leave it. But I wanted to share something.

Speaker 1:

You've talked about this entrepreneurial midlife crisis and I think it kind of goes hand in hand with this feeling of like letting go. I read something the other day and it was more specifically about just like a life midlife crisis, but I think it applies. I don't know that it's a midlife crisis so much as this is the first time you have enough data to realize what you actually want and what's bullshit, and it goes back to again, right, knowing what we know and not being able to unknow it, and a lot of people get to the stage where everything that has worked for you up to this point just doesn't work anymore, right, and you're allowed to reinvent or refine or whatever you want to call it. We need to do a longer episode. This is so much juiciness.

Speaker 2:

I'm actually sitting here thinking I'm like this is, and maybe it's because you and I know each other. There's an established level of like, trust and camaraderie. I don't know. I'm like this. This is a really good podcast interview. This is what's going through my head as we're talking. I'm like this is probably one of the better podcast interviews I think I've ever done. So thank you for like the space and the like this is.

Speaker 1:

I'm very excited about this episode, me too, and what's funny is I joke about it. I'm not really very woo, I'm like woo adjacent, but I totally believe in like the multiverse and making space and like the universe will fill the space because it abhors the vacuum and all of that stuff. So it's a really interesting like I love having conversations like this. I do want to ask one last question before I let you go. If we've got women out there who are listening and they are, you know, because my people tend to be the highly ambitious, overworked unicorns who are unicorns because they were told from a very young age that the more you are able to do for people, the more valuable you are, and so break your back as you bend over for people. How do we start putting into place boundaries? What small steps can we take before we just fuck this shit and burn it all down?

Speaker 2:

Okay, so the first thing I want to introduce is just a level of curiosity, because, also, we tend to. I was actually going through some of my like sub personalities this morning, and one of my sub personalities is like, for me to feel safe, I have to know everything. Yes, but when we know everything, we're literally cutting ourselves off from so much, and so I would encourage everyone to introduce a sense of curiosity. First of all. What if, what if? And just start asking yourself what if? What got me here is not going to be the thing that gets me there? What if I could have all the things that I crave in my life? What if? Just start asking yourself that question?

Speaker 2:

And then the boundaries thing comes down to, first of all, a high level of awareness and being in tune with yourself to say, oh, that didn't feel good. Like that person just texted me a thing and, like that, that didn't feel good. Or that person just spoke to me in a way where, like that didn't feel good. Or they're asking me to do, like that didn't feel good. Or they're asking me to do something and that doesn't feel good. Or I'm disrespecting my own boundaries again, and that doesn't feel good. So we have to have the awareness to know and be able to spot and point out like there's a thing that's happening that doesn't feel good. And then the next question becomes like okay, what do I get to do about this? So if it's another person as much as I, really I do not co-sign on this whole thing, but the theory works. Is the let them theory.

Speaker 2:

I have not read the book and I'm not reading the book and I'm not interested in the book, but the idea behind it is like if someone wants to disrespect your boundaries, by all means let them.

Speaker 2:

That's their issue and not yours. So things like my phone is on do not disturb. Probably 90% of the day I turned off all of my notifications. I do not know if I get an email unless I open up my email. I don't get notifications about Instagram or Facebook. Well, I'm not really on Facebook anymore, but anyways, you get the idea Like I have put in place the blocks that I need to be my best self and if someone I have people they're like oh my gosh, I texted you at 11 o'clock, I'm so sorry and I'm like my phone is off, so like I'll periodically text my mom and she'll be like it's after nine o'clock, don't text me and I'm like I love you and that sounds like a you problem, like if you want to, if you want to have boundaries, amazing, I, I very much co-sign on your boundaries, but those are your boundaries.

Speaker 1:

Don't make it my responsibility.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you get to endorse and endorse and enforce them, right? So what are the boundaries that you need to put in place? What are the systems? What are the processes? Do you need to just schedule 30 minutes? I just got an email today from a woman that was like hi, I check my email on this day at this time and this day at this time You'll get a response back after that. And I was like fucking fantastic and I deleted it and was like she'll respond to me when she's ready, like.

Speaker 2:

So it's up to you to understand then and know, okay, this doesn't feel good. And now, what do I need to put in place? And I'm a big fan of, like automation systems, processes, things where, like, you don't even have to worry about it. My phone just turns itself off at nine o'clock, it's great, I don't have to worry about it, like, and then it's not taking up bandwidth, that's not. I'm not having to think about it, I'm not having to reinforce it, it just does it. So, awareness, you have to understand when you're not feeling great. And then you have to ask yourself when you are not feeling great, what am I willing to do about this or change about this or put in place so that I'm not stuck feeling like shit all the time.

Speaker 1:

It's the whole idea of if you're not going to do something about it, don't complain about it.

Speaker 2:

We have so many options to like. Go into your settings, turn your notifications off on your phone, set a screen time of 15 minutes on Instagram a day. My phone is like nope, you're done for the day. There are so many things that we can do and lean on to help us prioritize boundaries that so many of us, just frankly, don't do.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, my brother actually ended up buying I don't know, but he bought this box that he puts his phone in and then he sets the time on how long the phone will be locked in the box. So he's not tempted by. Well, I know I put a timer on it but I can just undo it, like he physically cannot get into the box until the time is up. So yeah, like there, there's a lot of things you can do. You know, put your phone in a different room, put it in a fucking lockbox, I don't know, but the boundaries have to have to start with you and I and I love that because it does put the onus back on you to take responsibility for yourself. Yep, like it's got to be your, your choice, totally agree. Amazing. This has been such a juicy conversation and I don't know what I'm going to do now because I think we're gonna have to have another one at some point very soon.

Speaker 2:

Well, we should just have you on my podcast so people can find me on my podcast. It's the Big Goal Energy podcast, and also we have our own app now too. So if you'd like to join a community of ambitious high achievers, go to either the Apple Store or the Android Store and just search Big Goal Energy it is the only one and come join us. There are free meditations in there. All my podcast episodes are in there. There's also additional paid resources in there. There's events and community chats and like all the things. I actually have started releasing secret podcast episodes in there as well.

Speaker 2:

So come join us on the Big Gold Energy app, and then, if you have any interest in bringing a success strategist onto your team or into your world, you can go to briecelecom. And then you can also find me on Instagram. Unfortunately, it's like the one social media that I like have not yet unplugged from, but I'm like, I'm working on it. I'm working on it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I'm feeling the same way. It's a whole conversation, but all of those links will be in the show notes. Brie, thank you so much for being here and just being your wonderful self and giving us all the juice and the goods and the meat of the thing. And, as I say every week, my friends, you can have success without the BS. You've just got to know where your boundaries are. I will talk to you next week. That's it for this week. Thanks for listening to the Business Blasphemy Podcast. We'll be back next week with a new episode, but in the meantime, help a sister out by subscribing and, if you're feeling extra sassy, rating this podcast. And don't forget to share the podcast with others. Head over to businessblasphemypodcastcom to connect with us and learn more. Thanks for listening and remember you can have success without the BS.