BEWARE‼️ It’s cuffing season! Don’t get caught slipping!!

Ever felt unseen and unworthy amidst the highs and lows of the dating world? You're not alone. Join me, Faye, as I recount personal experiences and lessons learned from a journey filled with rocky relationships and self-doubt. You'll discover why taking a time-out to heal and cultivate self-love is crucial before diving back into the world of dating. Together, we're forging a community anchored in biblical dating principles - because love shouldn't come at the cost of your beliefs or self-worth.

In a world where many settle for less in relationships, it's time to step up and recognize our worth. From my difficult childhood to painful rejections, I've weathered it all. Now, I'm here to help you navigate the intricate maze of Christian dating. You'll get insider access to resources, expert advice, and testimonies, all aimed at empowering you to steer clear of rebounds and half-hearted relationships. Remember, you're not desperate for love. You are love.

But where does God fit into the equation? We'll journey together towards breaking free from cycles of rejection and abandonment and finding solace in God's promises. Learn how to build a meaningful relationship with the Lord, trust in His plan for you, and find strength and purpose in His word. Don't miss out on a prayer for healing and sage dating advice. Let's share our journey, spread our message, and create a ripple effect of love and self-worth in the world. So, are you ready to join the ride?

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hello, hello, hello, hello, how y'all doing. It's your girl, faye, hope you're doing amazing. I wanted to hop on here and just thank y'all so much for the love and just for opting into my free downloadable guide that's geared just to help and shed light on what could possibly be hindering your dating and relationship life, and so I've got a few people to hit me up and be like okay, faye, quick question. So if I'm one of these seven, what's going to happen next? Like do you have recourse? Do you have answers? Can you help a girl out? And I just want to pop and just let them know yes, we will have literally classes and courses and all kind of stuff.

Speaker 1: 0:46

My hope is to build this community where we can make talking about dating biblically, according to biblical standards. So I'm going to make it clear again if you're not a Christian or if you don't like the Bible, the same for you. I am talking to those who want to do it God's way, and so I've done it, both the my way and biblical way, and the biblical way, 1000% hands down, best decision I've ever made. And so if that's you, I want you to just often follow, follow after me. I got you, I'm going to bring in some other experts. I'm actually a relationship life coach now, so your girl got a little expert teeth as well as experience with relationships, lots of experience, relationships, and I'm going to continue to do what I do, which is keep it 100% tactical, real, raw, straight to the point, because we've played enough with Christian dating, like to the point where statistics says that the divorce rate in the Christian community is just as high as the divorce rate is in the woolly like sector, in the secular, secular sector, and so it's times I plan to have some real conversations and I want to be that person, to be here with you, to walk with you, and I want you all to be like hey, I got married, I'm dating.

Speaker 1: 2:05

I want to hear all those testimonies like how you've been applying what you've been learning, how have you been growing and developing. I want to hear it, I want to hear from you. Feel free to send me an email or leave a comment or join a membership which is coming out soon, and just let me know what's up. And don't be afraid either to ask questions, like even if you want them to be anonymous, because I do have people like Faye I want to ask this question, but it's just so out there, and my girl, it ain't nothing that you could say. That's going to surprise me, okay and so, yeah, let's get into it for you.

Speaker 1: 2:40

Okay, and so today what I want to do is talk about cuffing season. Have you ever heard of cuffing season, like that mean? Like when it gets cold outside, you got the people who homeless, or the people who need the place to stay, or the people who always, don't, never want to be with you. These men never want to be with the woman when it's warm outside, when it's hot girl summer, when it's spring swing, but they want to lay up with you when it's getting cold and they hungry and they got needs and it's tax season, and so I want to talk about it, okay, and so if this is you and you see that you've been in this off and all situation, ship this off and all relationship, and he don't seem to come around until get cold, you got yourself in the situation you need to get out of. He using you. I need you to hear me. He is using you.

Speaker 1: 3:32

Don't be fooled. Do not be fooled. I see it in. I see them in our family. I see them friends.

Speaker 1: 3:38

I've seen it happen so many times. Where it be Christian women, it be non Christian women, it just be women who just desire companionship and desire to be loved. All those things are so important but at the end of the day, you got to do it guys way. Are you going to continue to reap terrible consequences? And so I just want to encourage you like, stop being desperate. Stop being desperate. Stop just accepting anybody willing to give you attention. Stop just just, you know, lowering your standards. That was one of the seven on my free God. A lot of times we settle you have no self worth, you don't feel like you're worthy today, maybe because you've fallen, maybe because of issues from childhood wounds, or you've experienced some things. You've gone through some things. That's really like the make you feel defeated in a relationship game and I can speak to that myself, especially coming out of my childhood.

Speaker 1: 4:32

That wasn't the best at times and ending up in a, in a relationship that I thought was going to be everything, and it crashed and failed. I remember literally y'all like talking to people and they'll be like, hey Faye, like are you going to date? And this is what I would tell them this would be my friend. Girls would be sitting there talking, and this before I got married or engaged to my husband, right after I had Nadia. I would have my friends to be like hey Faye, like are you going to date again? Are you going to jump out there again? I'm like no, no, because I'm a single mom who wants to single mom. And I was like it's already hard enough out here for Christian Women's Day anyway, and I've just shrunk my, my pool. I've literally just like shot my own stuff in the foot. And so it took a minute.

Speaker 1: 5:20

Like y'all felt like I was unworthy. I felt like I was unseen, I felt like I was unwanted. My self worth took a hit, my self esteem was to the floor and if you are in that space, you don't need to be dating no ways. You need to actually pull back, fall back and work on yourself, get your heart and your mind and your identity in Christ together, because I completely, y'all, I completely forgot who I was. I forgot who I belong to. I forgot everything, cause I got so tied up in that relationship and when it broke down, crashed and burned baby, I just thought my life was over. I thought my life was over, I thought that was it, thought that was the end of my love story, thought I would never get married, and I was like I'm not going to settle. So I guess I got to be single and that's what I did. I just decided I'm going to be happily single. I'm not going to spend my single years bored. I'm not going to spend my singleness all frustrated, all emotional. No, I'm going to get out of my life.

Speaker 1: 6:23

And it was a journey. I can't lie. It was a journey. This was a journey, and so I'm going to share this journey. I'm literally going to lay out in our membership all these different type of courses like how to overcome rejection, how to deal with trauma, how to learn your self worth. What does that look like? Self care we're going to deal with the whole gamut, because when you're hurt or broken or even you don't know how to date, you need all of that. You need somebody who's been there, who can show you their rooms. So then you can look at my rooms. I'm not saying I know everything and everything for my life won't fit your life per se, but you can use my life as an example to like what to do, what not to do.

Speaker 1: 7:07

All fame when it has six out of what lock. Maybe I should do that All fame when and she almost dumped her husband that she has now. Oh, I might not. I might not want to be that mean to my future potential mate and so all type of stuff I want just to lay out for y'all and just to love on y'all and just share. Just, I want to share my heart. This whole point of this podcast, whole point of everything I'm doing, is because I want to make Christian dating less awkward. Y'all. It gets so awkward when you get into a Christian bubble and you talk about this type of stuff. But back to what I was saying. Y'all I got, I went on a tangent. I'm sorry about that. But yeah, back to what I was saying.

Speaker 1: 7:43

Do not accept somebody who just want to be with you when it's cold outside. They don't want to be with you when they don't want to bring you around friends. They don't want to be with you out in public. They want to be with you when it's convenient or easy or rebound for them. Do not find yourself in situations where you're the rebound. Let's not walk in Leah's way. What am I saying?

Speaker 1: 8:11

Leah's way is you know the story of Leah and Rachel, how Jacob was in love with Rachel and his father-in-law tricked him into marrying the oldest daughter, leah. He didn't think Leah was all that. In fact, the Bible, you know, kind of let us know what he thought about her. He didn't think she was most attractive person in the world, he just accepted her because he was still so in love, so wanting Rachel, he was willing to do anything for Rachel and so he just was like, come on, girl, I guess we got married, so you come on up in here and I'll just you know, let you be my wife, but who I really want is this. And so she did everything she could. She thought. She thought if she continued to give him baby reason to serve him and to be all this for him, that that would make him change his mind.

Speaker 1: 8:59

I'm here to tell you. I'm here to tell you shut up to your face, well, to your eardrums. I'm here to speak to your ears. If you are taking Lea's way in dating, you are making a huge, grave mistake, because there are men out here who will love you and honor you and respect you and see the image of God in you and want to honor that and reverence that and won't take advantage of you A lot of times when you're being in these relationships and I know it's non-Christian to follow me too. So I'm speaking to both non-Christian and Christians right now, because it works both ways, like I've seen it, where the man will continue to accept the gifts, accept all the benefits that come from being with you, from being a part of your life, You'll keep on consuming everything that you have to offer, only to dump you after three years of spending you alone and marry somebody else in six months, because that's who we truly wanted.

Speaker 1: 10:02

I don't want you wasting your time, especially if you got somebody who he only want to see you at night time. He only texting you at night time. He only want to say hey to you at church when you're in front of a bunch of people, but then he get kind of weird. It should not be that way. Where it's weird, if it's starting weird, you get weird and remove yourself from the situation. You understand me. You never let somebody treat you like you are option. You are a priority, do you hear me? You are a priority, and if he can't treat you as such, you make your exit stage less.

Speaker 1: 10:39

I am so serious about this because it wasn't until I stood up and who I was as Fay Love Merlion, and I was cool with whatever. If it worked, great. If it don't work, great, I was cool with whatever. It wasn't until I got to that point that I was unwilling to compromise who I was, who I belong to, my daughtership and my servant position as a daughter of the king. I wasn't compromising nothing. It wasn't until then I got to that point, right there, where I was like I don't care Either you can date me or not, but I'm not compromising, I'm not going to come down on my standards, I'm not about to let you play with me.

Speaker 1: 11:19

That's when I met my husband, because the one who really wants you, the one who really is for you, he's going to be willing to honor that commitment you have to Jesus, number one he's never going to abuse you. His intentions will remain known to you. My husband I have now y'all I'm not even kidding In about 30 days. He knew what was up. He was like hey, I'm going to make you my wife and I'm looking at him like bread. I was like you playing with me. I was like don't be talking big talk If you can't walk with the walk, okay, I hope y'all can understand what I'm saying. I talk a little e-bunny from time to time. I'm going to make you my wife and I'm going to make you my wife and I'm going to make you what's straight up about what his intentions were. And you got somebody who've been with you and I get that.

Speaker 1: 12:02

A lot of men I hear they say they want to get themselves financially situated. That's very important. They want to get their ducks and rogues very important. But if you in a relationship often known with somebody for two, three, four, five, six I've seen it 10, 15 years and this person in a natural life, this person never made a real commitment to you, this person, especially if this person only want to highlight you when it's cold outside, when it's tax season and yes, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm gonna do an episode about this tax season love, because that's a hot mess. He on him, claim this kids all year. He'll claim you all year. And as soon as tax time roll around, baby, he looking at you saying I want my family back, mm-hmm. And that's just a reference for us Americans. If you from America you know I'm talking about. Okay, but I don't want you with somebody who just want to use you as a rebound, use you for your benefits and discard you like you trash, because there's another man waiting. He's praying that you will get yourself together, that you will get underneath the shadow of the wing of the Lord and you allow God to heal you, make you, hold free you from all Rendezvous and build you into that wife. You need to be so that when God presents you, like he did with even Adam in a garden, when God presents you in front of your husband to be, potentially, he'll be able to see you and he'll say border my bone, flesh of my flesh, this here is my wife. That's the goal. Okay, we're trying to be a girlfriend.

Speaker 1: 13:33

If you date in the play, you messing up, you ruin somebody else future, you playing with somebody life, understand me, if you are dating just to play with somebody, just have sex, just to have a little fun and dating should be fun, I mean wrong, they didn't should be fun. But there's a serious component to it as well. In this community we date to make meaning, courtship meaning. The whole objective is to learn how do I become that wife, how do I begin to grow and become and get over those traumas, get over that, those triggers, get past those strongholds so that when God do usher in this husband into my life, I'm able to receive him and not set self sabotage. That's what we are. And so if you want some play play type stuff, this the wrong room gonna log off. Right now. I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to the women who really want a relationship.

Speaker 1: 14:24

I get so sad. I get so sad when I hear, when I hear women like, hey, faye, like what's wrong with me? Have you ever thought that you was like man, faye? What's wrong with me? Why, why nobody warned me? Faye, if I'm such a good person, why don't nobody want me? Sometimes God got you in hiding. Sometimes you got to be okay with your wilderness season. You have to be okay with allowing God to be good and be sufficient for you In those seasons.

Speaker 1: 14:58

I often tell I love what one of my girls said, like it was so profound and I'm gonna share this with y'all. She said fade, in this season where I feel unseen, I am married to the Holy Spirit. I'm learning how to commune with the God and how to build a relationship with Him. I like she literally goes on dates with God when she'll lay out her dinner. Light a candle, bring out her word and her scripture, have her worship music playing and she'll just eat with the Lord and she'll literally like lay out a table before Him. That's it. That is where you go, literally find everything that you need. And when I say this girl living her life, this girl is traveling, this girl's making her money, this girl is doing community and discipleship and she is hidden in Jesus, hiding in Jesus until it's time for her to be found.

Speaker 1: 15:47

And so, if you feel that way, I need for you to get back to the basics. Go back to the drawing board, get your butt out of that mindset by praying and fasting and word getting that word. Get off YouTube. Stop following all these random people. Plug yourself into your church. Get active and very, very rooted in your church and you grow. Start traveling.

Speaker 1: 16:11

What do you wanna do? What do you like to do? And ultimately, I want you to do. What I want you to do is to stop accepting these half Relationship, these peace of a man. He give you a piece of himself, he give her a piece of himself. He give that person a piece of himself, like why you let people play with you. As women, we are very smart, we're very smart, we are like super smart. You know, you know what's up. Okay, now let me come to this phone, or come to your computer screen, or come to your radio and put my finger on your nose. You know, you know better and you know for a fact you deserve better.

Speaker 1: 16:53

And right now, by the promise of the Holy Spirit, I come against any foul spirit of rejection, any spirit of abandonment, and I plead the blood of Jesus against you. I break your power from off my sister's life. Now, in the name of Jesus, get off of her. Get off of her. No more doubt, no more confusion, no more wallowing, no more accepting inferior thoughts. I come against those intrusive thoughts that tell you you're not worthy, that tell you you're not enough, that tell you you'll forever be single, because that's not true.

Speaker 1: 17:29

If God's giving you a word that you're going to be married, you must treat trust in your God. We submit to you, oh Lord, and we will rest in you, we will hide in you, because you are a hiding place. Can I thank you, lord, that you are with these sisters of mine, you with my ladies, you with my girls. Lord, you with us all. Lord, I thank you that you're going to help them to make it. They're not going to compromise, they're not going to accept a counterfeit, but they're going to be strong in the Lord, in the power of his might, and they're going to lean and they're going to depend on him and they're going to cast all their cares on you, god, because they know you care for them.

Speaker 1: 18:11

God, thank you now for this time with them, actually, that you, god, will go to each and every individual home or car or wherever they are right now, lord, and I ask that you, lord, will just begin to touch, begin to minister, I ask that you just will sit and healing angels, just to touch and bless and just to really begin to heal those wounds, those wounds of pain, those wounds of tragedy and trauma. God, just begin to do a work in my sister's life now. In the name of Jesus, god, we thank you, god, we bless you, god, we thank you that you're raising up Godly wives and Godly moms that will get, that will return back to their seat of influence, that will begin to guard and have a desire to protect and to raise in, nurture or household and a family. In the name of Jesus, god, that I thank you, that these women will not compromise their integrity. They will not compromise their bodies, they will not compromise their identities in order to be loved by anyone. Any friendship, any relationship, any intimate relationship. They will not compromise God. I ask that you just will be a fortress around them. Now, in the name of Jesus, I pray all these things, amen. And if you agree with me, I want you to say amen. Okay, you hang in there.

Speaker 1: 19:25

And if that guy who been coming around off and on for years show up, you know what to tell him to do. You know exactly what to tell him to do. Better go on somewhere, not this year. We done with that. We done with this, because you will no longer continue to participate in somebody game. You will no longer become an option when you are a priority. You will no longer be a snack when you are a full, untrained meal. Do you understand me? And so if you want to be taken serious and dating, it's time to get serious in dating, especially if you're trying to do it the biblical way. The biblical way, to me, is the only way. So what we want to do, I love y'all so much, thank y'all so much for all the love. Feel free to share, share, share this podcast, y'all. I'm trying to reach as many people as I can because I know it's so hard. I just want to be here for you, walk with you on your journey, and I know God's going to bless it. Y'all take care, y'all have an amazing night.