The Bumpy Road of Romance: A Christian Perspective

Ever found yourself hung up on someone who simply doesn't feel the same way, or wrestling with self-doubt that threatens to spoil a budding relationship? Let's walk through this tough terrain together - I'll share my personal experiences and practical strategies to help navigate the complex world of Christian dating. We'll also have a frank talk about marriage - that it's not just a destination but a lifelong commitment that requires sacrifice.

Feeling stuck in your single season? Instead of being consumed by the uncertainty and longing, let's shift the narrative. I'll show you how I learned to make the most of my singleness, serving in God's kingdom, and finding worth and identity in Christ. Moreover, we'll delve into the daunting, yet fulfilling role of a wife in a Christian marriage, underscoring the importance of submission, honor, and respect. So, join me on this journey of  faith, and love, as we walk through biblical wisdom and learn to navigate the joys and challenges of Christian dating, singleness, and marriage together.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hello, hello, hello, hello. And we're back for another episode of Christian dating talk. Thank you all so much for just following and listening and subscribing. If this podcast is blessing you, I just want to ask that you just share it and also give me a comment. I want to hear what y'all think and, okay, and eventually I'm working on it. Now I almost got the community built and I am working on the YouTube space so you guys can see me in action, you can see my face and get to know and we can really just hang out in a better space. I love the podcast stuff, but I want to. I want to bring this closer together, because we're literally all over the world and I appreciate each and every one of you guys for tuning in. Thank you so much, and so today we're gonna talk about this question.

Speaker 1: 0:46

I got from one of my mentees. She said what happens, faye? What's wrong with me? Why is it that every guy that seems to want her, she thinks they want her, but she's never the one chosen? So what happens if you like a guy but he didn't like you? He may be like your friend, or he may be like the pretty girl that's in your connect group or your type of group or whatever. What happens if you're? You're feeling like you'll never be the chosen one and that's very sad. Okay, just that question itself.

Speaker 1: 1:21

I've been there. I felt that many, many times in my life and here's a story. For instance, I remember when I first came out of that relationship and I got back to a good space and I was open to dating. I remember when I first got back on to the dating market, I went to church and there was a new guy. You know I'm talking about when there's a new guy that come to your church and he's serving and you just so happen to try to put yourself in his, his sights. You want to get in whatever group he in. You want to get in a prayer group he in. You want to serve wherever he's serving honey, because you want him to see you.

Speaker 1: 1:58

That was me y'all, and I know there's a bunch of y'all too. That is dangerous number one. I just want to put it out there to be that type of attention, have a type of level of attention seeking, even if it appear to be innocent, very dangerous, but anywho, that was me and it always seemed to be where he would be a friend of mine, but it was almost like I was never good enough to be the wife or good enough to be the girlfriend. I was always just a cool friend, and that was so discouraging to me. I was like bruh, when am I gonna be the one, when am I gonna be the apple of his eye? And so I had to learn a few things in that season.

Speaker 1: 2:38

Number one to not take that so personally and as hard as this. That is so hard not to do. It's so easy. You're sad. Then done honey. Okay, it's easier said than done. It's so much easier said.

Speaker 1: 2:53

Well, it's not personal, it's not against me, but then every time a guy shows up and you think he cute or you think he might like you, he picks money. Else that can really tear down your your, your self-esteem and really begin to play with your mind and your identity. And so the first thing I want you to do, if this is how you've been feeling, I want you to. Number one breathe, take a moment and breathe, take a moment and rest. Like, stop looking, stop hunting for your husband, okay, like, a lot of times we get let down because we're on a prowl baby, we is hunting, we looking every which way? Where he. Yet, lord, my man it. And that's how a lot of us be. We be out here like like, like some dog on predators looking for husband. And so stop looking, take a breath and live the life.

Speaker 1: 3:45

Guys giving you number one, number two, because you feel that way, let me know, deep down you have some insecurities you haven't dealt with. So I've asked you, while you're walking through the season of just loneliness and by yourself, you need to go through counseling, go talk to your mentor or your pastor and deal with those insecurities, because those are here is, if not dealt with in your singleness will begin to surface in your marriage. It's like I don't matter how cute this guy is, it don't matter who God brings for you to marry one day. If you don't deal with those insecurities, it will begin to make you self sabotage your marriage. It'll begin to roll over in even into your parenting. And so this number, this number two, deal with insecurities. Everything you you get handled and taken care of in your sickness is one less battle. You know, spouse got a fight.

Speaker 1: 4:47

And being married y'all, it's not no piece of cake, it's not easy. It's a struggle. Like I love my husband, I love being married, but a lot of times we don't hear the full story about marriage. Like women, I can talk to women. I can't talk to men about this, or if men, if you listen and just kind of sit to the side, okay, anyways, women, you don't count the cost, what it means to submit and to honor and to respect the man, because God said to do it. You don't understand what God's saying. He's, he command you to respect that man. He command you hey, that's your covering.

Speaker 1: 5:23

You don't get the gravity of what that look like, especially if you are a Westernized person, a modern-day thinker, if you are especially from America. Honey, we don't understand that because we're so used to, we were raised in almost like a Jezebelic, modern, independent time period, and so, because we're raising an environment, you grow up. Everyone's tell you what you want to be. You grow up and what do you want to do when you grow up? And it's never pointing us to being a good mom, being a good wife. Most times it's pointing us to I want to be a doctor, I want to be a lawyer, I want to be a business owner. You're got you. You are literally groomed to be super and hyper ambitious and you do all that work for all those years, you get all those accolades only to get married.

Speaker 1: 6:11

And you have to change your name. You have to ultimately change your identity. You have to begin to put your mission to the background in order to help fulfill the call on the new family guys install. Yes, I know I'm saying this might make sound crazy, but what I'm saying is biblical, and a lot of women are not prepared for marriage. They think marriage is going to fulfill. I won't be lonely. I have a companion. But you need to understand what it means to be a helper. A helper has to die herself daily. A helper has to choose her family, choose her kids, choose everyone else over herself. In man, a helper, you can easily get lost because all you do is serve and love, and serve and love, and it's literally all day, 24, seven, and never stop sometimes, especially if you mess around and marry a man who's called to ministry. And so I need you to understand the weight and the gravity of what it means to be a help mate, a helper suitable for a husband. Think about it.

Speaker 1: 7:13

The Bible talks about the prophet 31 woman and how her husband is, is seated, like you know, with the elders and so he has a seat of influence. He's a faithful man, but because he's away from home being faithful to what God calls him to do, where was the? Where was the problem starting one woman she was home, getting it done and then make it, make her look and she looks fabulous, and don't get around. I want to. I try to be proper 31 all the time, but it looks like so easy how the Bible rose it out. But becoming that proper 31 woman is not easy. It takes so much work, so much dying to yourself, so much, denying yourself all the more freedoms we got out the door. The real question I'm asking you when you get married and you are excited about the wedding and all this right here, are you willing to, you know, become a housewife? Because me.

Speaker 1: 8:11

I remember trying to negotiate with God. I remember at a conference Matt Chandler was there. I thank God for him. He blessed my walk with Jesus in so many ways. So I was at this conference. He was there and he literally was like. He literally said y'all, some of y'all, think y'all better than y'all. Think y'all better than me and the housewife? You think me and the housewife are just beneath you, but God's going to call y'all, some of y'all, into that and you're going to have to learn how to, how to basically learn how to see your worth and identity in Christ and not in your career, because those kids you're going to be influencing and growing up into the things of God, that's your assignment, and y'all.

Speaker 1: 8:57

I remember in that moment, right there, I was like, oh no, not me, lord. Send me to the jungles, send me to the, send me anywhere, lord. Send me, you can send me anywhere, but please don't send me to the house. You know what God did? I remember sitting there, y'all negotiating, telling God I would do anything for you, but that I know it sounds crazy, but this is not what I wanted. As cute as it is, as much as I love my little adorable babies, I did not want to be nobody housewife. I was like uh-uh, uh-uh, baby, I didn't want to be out and about in these streets. You know, not like that, but you know, you know what I'm trying to say. And so I wanted to have a little freedom. I wanted to, you know, be a boss queen. You know all that right there, what society had grown me to be, what culture had grown me to be. But then God started to deal with me and I was not trying to hear it. And so I remember getting married, moving to Florida, tampa, florida, and my husband he was beautiful, beautiful man and he had a job as a worship pastor. Oh, my God, I'm now married to my ministry. Not what I wanted, and so it was so funny how everything I thought I would be, everything I thought marriage would be, was totally not what it is. And it's been beautiful. But it's been a beautiful disaster because it's been literally guys, one attack or one like suffering, or one chaotic moment or one thing after the next. It's been a godly wife.

Speaker 1: 10:27

You first, when you first get married, you have to begin to take off the layers of what cultures told you of a powerful woman looks like Okay. You have to begin to literally be stripped and washed and cleansed of all that stuff that we're given and granted. That stuff worked great. The independent boss queen, get it done, get her money, get her back. All that stuff is cute in the world, but in trying to build and cover and grow a family as a homemaker, honey, let me tell you something it's some work, and so I need you to count up the cost of what it means to be a wife. It ain't, no, always feel good. Through through. We skip through. The days is every day. It is work and you have to be willing to put in the work.

Speaker 1: 11:18

And as much as you adore your husband and adore your and adore your children, part of you I'm just being honest right now a part of you will be very sad because you're, you'll begin to miss the independence. You begin to miss that single woman and God, god showed me in my first year of marriage. I love my husband and I love my babies. I was birthing and growing, but I learned that I lost my singleness. I just wanted somebody to sleep with. I know that sound crazy, but it's true. I just wanted somebody that I could be with intimately and I wanted a companion and I didn't want to live alone and I wanted me a cute man by my side, but I think about what that meant to be his wife, and so count that cost.

Speaker 1: 12:00

Number three if you're feeling like man, what's wrong with me? Why am I never chosen? I want you to begin to put your mind on Jesus, begin to go through his word and see what he says about you, because clearly you didn't forgot. You didn't forgot what God called you. You didn't forgot what he said about you being the eyeball of his eye. You didn't forgot what he did for you when he was questioning across for you, because you're looking at what another man's not doing for you A lot of times when you're feeling that way.

Speaker 1: 12:35

I've learned with you always looking for somebody else to love you. I'm probably about 90% right. You don't know how to love yourself because a lot of y'all I realized we don't know how to be single. We don't know how to have fun. We don't know how to live our lives. We wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and just hope and desire this marriage, but you let all your singleness just kind of drift by. You don't travel. You don't go experience new things, eat new foods, laugh like crazy with your friends.

Speaker 1: 13:08

Like you, waste time just sitting waiting for a man to come and swoop you up. Like you, a new princess, snow white or somebody. It's like no. Get up and live your life. Woman to God. Get up and get active in the kingdom and you can do way more than just babysitting and child care. God's giving you a voice where you can reach other women, where you can serve people in your surroundings like you can literally be about serving and loving and be in the hands of Jesus.

Speaker 1: 13:40

And so, if this is you, I want you to get up, shake yourself off. Like, get up right now. I want you to start shaking left, right, left, right, left right. Shake yourself off and repent for just being a stagnant. And I know it sucks, I know that waiting period is sucks, but one thing you need to remember there's a lot, there's something, a way more worse than waiting on God to prepare you for that God. He wants you to be with. You want to know what's worse. What's worse is you wishing you had a way to.

Speaker 1: 14:18

I know plenty of friends who were just so excited and so anxious and so just just jumping and gonna get married and be with somebody, and now they are miserable, now they are like fate. I don't know what I did, but I gotta learn how to live at peace with this spouse of mine. No, ma'am, no sir, hold your horses, get in prayer, take a cold shower and go work out. Okay, and stop tripping. Okay, and I know it may sound real hardcore, but sometimes we need a good good but, but, but kicking, we need a good heart shrimp reminder and and and you got to understand.

Speaker 1: 14:59

Stop taking this that personal just because he chose somebody else. Don't make you less valuable. Don't make you less beautiful. Stop comparing yourself. Comparison is a thief of joy, do you hear me? Comparison it's a thief of joy, and your joy of the Lord is your strength. And joy comes from putting your eyes on Jesus and thanking him for what he's done for you. He's done so much for you. He wakes you up every day. He give you ears to hear us see a body that functions and you're beautifully and wonderfully main. Okay, you can do this.

Speaker 1: 15:37

Do not compromise because you feel like the man will never come. You feel like you will never be married. You feel like you're gonna always be the boss. May be never to bride. Your day will come. And when they come, girl, make sure you hit me up, because I want to know. You know. I want to see what's going on. But any who? I love you all so much. You're amazing and I cannot wait. I cannot wait to connect with you guys soon. So let's pray out. Dear Lord, thank you so much just for being with us. Thank you, god, that you are a healer and gotta access you. Right now.

Speaker 1: 16:09

We touch every heart that feels like they're not enough. It feels like they're unseen. That feels like they'll never be someone's bride and that's what their heart longs for. That feels like man God, am I just gonna die single? That feel like they have a compromise and just embrace whomever approaches them because they think it'll never happen for them. But I teach them how to trust you. Teach them how to walk by faith. Teach them how to desire you, god, above everything. Teach them that, even if you, even if they never get married, you are enough and Lord, I thank you.

Speaker 1: 16:45

God, I ask you just to allow them just to feel your presence. I just you just, would send mighty warning to stand guard over their minds and their hearts as they're walking through the season. Lord, I ask if you just don't allow them to not miss this season. God, help them not to miss this beautiful moment, this season of just walking in purity and in love with Jesus and having fun all they can, and we pray all these things in the name of Jesus, amen. Thank y'all so much for your time. I love y'all. Y'all be at peace and trust God, I'll take care.