Ever find yourself grappling with maintaining purity in your relationship? Struggling with the tug-of-war between physical intimacy and moral values? Well, we've been there too. Today, we tackle these tough questions, sharing our thoughts on the need for clear boundaries and open conversations. We dive deep into how even a simple act like kissing could stir urges that might eventually lead us to compromise our moral values, straying us further from our relationship with God. It's not an easy discussion, but it's one that needs to be had.
. Join us as we unpack these complex issues in the Christian dating landscape.
Ever find yourself grappling with maintaining purity in your relationship? Struggling with the tug-of-war between physical intimacy and moral values? Well, we've been there too. Today, we tackle these tough questions, sharing our thoughts on the need for clear boundaries and open conversations. We dive deep into how even a simple act like kissing could stir urges that might eventually lead us to compromise our moral values, straying us further from our relationship with God. It's not an easy discussion, but it's one that needs to be had.
. Join us as we unpack these complex issues in the Christian dating landscape.
Hello, hello, hello. How are y'all doing? I am just so thankful for you. Thanks so much for joining me. I just wanted to get right into it.
Speaker 1:Today I had a great conversation with one of our fellow podcast followers, and it was such a good conversation and I just felt like this is something that not only me and that person needed to talk out, but maybe this is a conversation for all of us, and so we're gonna hop into it. So the question this beautiful person asked me was they've listened to my podcast talking about what happens if you fall, how to avoid it, and so they wanted practical steps on how can they maintain purity and sexual integrity in their relationship, and so I guess that's a question that definitely needs to be dealt with over and over and over and over. That should be like a fresh reminder, a fresh conversation, cause a lot of times, a lot of the stuff go untalked about because it could be uncomfortable, it could be very put you in a place where you feel too vulnerable, you feel embarrassed, you don't be judged, but I finally believe that you actually need to put that out in front of street. You need to be having these open conversations, because that's gonna literally help you, and so here's some things that I told them about how do you navigate this? How do you maintain that purity and that level of purity in sexual stuff and the chemistry you be feeling Like, how do you really maintain that? So, number one, you wanna establish clear boundaries, like I always talk about. What boundaries have you established? Have you all sat and talked about what means what to what? What are my expectations? What are my boundaries? What am I not willing to do? Because a lot of times we be rolling off assumption, and assumption is so dangerous in a Christian relationship because if you're assuming this person is, you know he got the same mindset you got, you're on the same page and you haven't had that conversation. That's how stuff get very, very, very, very twisted up.
Speaker 1:When the rubber meets the road or when you're all coming off a hot, nice, beautiful date and you feeling all beautiful, you be feeling all five, you all really just vibing with each other, you all really just connecting with each other, and one thing leads to another and you wake up and you've had sex, and so you need to establish a clear boundary. So you gotta start communicating openly with your partner about your expectations and boundaries regarding physical affection, y'all know how I feel now. I don't believe in kissing, even though I've kissed in relationships. Kissing for me leads to babies. You gotta go before the Lord and ask him is kissing something I wanna incorporate in my relationship or do you feel like you're strong enough? The flesh is weak, even though the spirit is willing. You gotta remember that.
Speaker 1:And so it's easy for you to argue, because I've had so many people to argue with me. Fae, I think that's too far, fae you being legalistic, fae whatever. But I've walked this road before. I know what physical, intimate, physical affection can do. Physical affection leads to physical intimacy. It literally like, almost like. It's almost like going from like a crock pot to a microwave in the space of intimacy. It literally, when you're touchy-filly too much, touching too much, all that little goo, goo, gaga stuff that can literally endanger your walk with Jesus, endanger and threaten your walk with this person, and y'all both gonna be finding yourself in situations you're not supposed to be. Let's be honest. And so I think you need to establish limits on what is permissible within the context of your Christian values, and I'm fully aware that some of y'all are not completely sold out. Some of y'all are more cultured in kingdom and so you better make sure that when you're in this relationship or you're dating someone, or you're thinking or dating somebody, you have a believer that's on the same page, because even believers can be unequally yoked. That is dangerous, okay, and so have that conversation.
Speaker 1:I've heard where people legit y'all this is a straight up thing they feel like because they're in their 30s and they haven't gotten married yet, there's no prospects at this point. It's okay to have sex because Jesus understand that. I'm looking at them like baby, show me the scripture. Where is scripture at? Because I don't. I don't see that in the Bible, like where you get that from? That is false. That is Literally from the enemy himself. He wants you to settle, he wants you to compromise, because once you compromise sexually with physical intimacy Guess that you're gonna compromise. You're not gonna. You're not gonna want and desire things of God it's gonna pull you from your relationship with the father. You got to understand the threat of why it's so important to maintain physical and sexual purity. Understand all that kissing, hug and touching all that stuff. Well, you're like, hey, we do everything but we don't penetrate. Baby, you might as well penetrate, because you already penetrated each other spiritually. You penetrate each other emotionally. You penetrate each other mentally.
Speaker 1:I know many virgins who are nasty virgins. Yeah, I said it, you're a nasty virgin because you are here, touching, feeling you, watching anything, you're masturbating, you're doing everything but having a physical act of sex. At that point, your rigidity, in my opinion, its value, is totally on clearance, and so I think you need to go before the Lord that is you and repent, and the Lord Will make all things new. Understand me, and so there's no condemnation. But I want you to hear the truth. Like you can't be out here talking about I'm a virgin, I'm this, I'm that. But you are here, touch you, feeling you, you Worst than the people who've had sex before you, watching as much porn, if not more porn. You're masturbating, you're all over the place sexually because you have no boundaries and you think that because you haven't had actual sex, that's makes you better or that makes you innocent or that makes you stay up here. You placed your virginity on clearance.
Speaker 1:You have started to eat away at your own Heart, at your own spirit, at your own relationship. You've taken your eyes off the king and you're trying to control the situation and satisfy yourself. Your body's not yours, and so you've been bought with a price, and the price was high, as you just was questioned across for you. And so you can't just do what you want with your body, because this body is a temple of the Holy Spirit and we're called to walk holy. Yes, you will not be perfect, but you are to be blameless and you can't just make an excuse, well, say I feel like this and say, well, I'm not having sex, but we're doing this. No, baby, you better get them boundaries up strong. If you can't handle it, get out the kitchen. What am I saying? You can't handle a heat in the kitchen, get out the kitchen. Meaning there's a season when you can date and it's safe for you and it's something that you can comfortably handle, and there are seasons where you better get your blood far away from dating as you can.
Speaker 1:When I was a young believer and I had just made my mind I wanted to follow Jesus and I just came out my relationship out the world, I knew there was no dating for me because I was gonna mess up somebody. Son, I'm showing me honest, because my biggest struggle was for an occasion I Enjoyed physical and sexual pleasure. I really, really, really enjoyed it and I just thought I literally no one told me this. But because, but because no one sat and talked to me about sex. The only thing they told me was don't be out here Bringing the getting STD, sleeping with some of our condom, and don't be getting pregnant before you're 18. Those were the only things that I was taught, and so what I did was I just looked around me and I saw that anybody, like everybody if if someone I was watching, like a woman I was watching, had a boyfriend, she had sex with him. So I thought that if you got a boyfriend, that meant have sex with him, that mean, okay, now Can have sex with him, because at least I got a boyfriend, you got it.
Speaker 1:We gotta explain this stuff. We got a, really lay it out and really show what God really says about it, because just because you have a boyfriend means nothing. That's still not your spouse. I'm sorry you single long as you single until you marry. You single if he ain't wiped you up, you single and I'm not saying be out here playing with people, but I'm trying to make it very clear a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship that's not heading towards marriage. You plan with somebody future. You plan with your future to be honest and y'all. I don't want to attend you, but in who? We gotta establish some clear boundaries.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's get back to this. These boundaries may include, and they need to include, no pre-marital sex. Okay, I don't believe in a bunch of physical touch. Cuz you touch me, baby, we're gonna do some things and that's why I got all these kids I got now, because they enjoy it. I enjoy physical touch. It's better by my man. But now I'm married I can do it, you know, godly. So it's fun over here so I'm able to enjoy it in a godly manner.
Speaker 1:But before I was married I had to be like no, bro, we can't do none of that, because I know myself be true to yourself, be honest with yourself. Ain't nothing wrong with how you feeling. God gave you those feelings. But you need parameters, you need boundaries. Them boundaries I put forward to guard you. They put in place to guard your heart, to keep you from experiencing heartbreak and sickness and disease and and whatever Consequences that come down a pipe when you do things outside the order of the kingdom.
Speaker 1:Like I didn't have to become a single mom. I love my beautiful little girl. Like she's now 11. I love her so much, but that wasn't God's perfect will for my life. He didn't want me out here with a baby, homeless, sleeping in my car, praying no one would break in my car With me, my kid in there. He didn't want me crying and stressed out and can't eat, can't sleep, the press Suicidal because of one stupid decision, because I couldn't say no to my flesh, because I desire to be loved and be seen more than I desire. Him wasn't his desire, but he used to off his glory. He's redeeming me. I thank God for that. And so I don't believe in a lot of physical touch.
Speaker 1:Maybe y'all need to come to agreement where we hold in hands. You know, we can hold on hand and put a lick or whatever, but me personally I feel like because I know human nature Too much touch, too much talk, too much time. You're gonna find yourself in a very, very weird place, okay, and so y'all need to really have a conversation about personal convictions, about Boundaries and what does that look like for your relationship, and you need to even have those set before you even start dating. Let's just talk about it. Have those set before you even start dating. Okay, let's keep going number two.
Speaker 1:I told her you need accountability, honey accountability. Can you account to ability? Yes, you need accountability. Honey Can't be in isolation. I have no idea that. I have no idea why we, as believers, when we start dating, it's like we forget how to be friends with our friends. That is insane to me. Y'all. I don't understand how that is the case when you start dating somebody like you, straight up, like you, like you like shut up, check it on your friends. Why do we do that y'all? That's a real problem. It's a real conversation we're gonna have one day. But you need to find trusted friend or friends. You need to find them, keep them close, fight for their relationship.
Speaker 1:A Mentor, even a church couple that you know and trust, that can hold you accountable, hold both of you, both the boyfriend and the girlfriend, accountable. Okay, that is so important. Like couples that meet my husband mentor. We asked you to be straight up. Hey, what y'all do last night. Hey, how y'all peered what y'all peered he looking like. Hey, what y'all over there doing. Have y'all watched some funny y'all touching each other body parts or y'all sexting what y'all doing? And, yes, you should see a look on their faces when we come out that up front.
Speaker 1:But I firmly believe that if you don't deal with a head-on, it will never be dealt with. I'm not one of those people. If you could say, hey, I want you to mentor me, hey, I want you to walk with me in this. And I'm just gonna say, you know we all fall short and you know there's grace, and you know we're just gonna pray. Yes, I'm gonna say it, we all fall short. Yes, I'm gonna say there's grace for that. Yes, I am going to be your biggest cheerleader, I'm gonna be your biggest big sister, I am going to love you through it. But I am also going to challenge you. I am going to call you out on your mess. I am going to ask the hard questions When's the last time you masturbate?
Speaker 1:When's the last time you kiss the maid out and touchy-feel, doll up on your booze private parts? Yes, just like that. I know y'all, probably in y'all car, whatever you listen to me at like cringing right now, you like, oh my god, faye, be quiet. But you need that and the per person can't give you that type of realness, that type of rawness, that type of I Love you so much to make both of us uncomfortable. You need to find another accountability partner and not some partner who doing what you're doing. You need to find somebody who actually trying to live this thing out for real, like you need to find the real Church, the real body, the real believers does not afraid and not ashamed and not embarrassed To do what God tells, doing a word.
Speaker 1:I'm not talking about no water down Foo-foo, just little weak Christian who has no power over nothing, who don't know their authority, who don't know who they are in Jesus. They just accept anything. They always oppress. No, find you somebody who's strong in the Lord and their desire is to please him. Those are the best people to have in your life. I got plenty of me, all plenty of them. My question is, now that I'm on the Mary side, is Faye, how you been talking to your husband, faye, how you been handling this right here? They asked me real questions About how am I being a biblical wife, even when he don't deserve it? And so those are. So that's so, so, so, so important.
Speaker 1:You got a regularly share your struggles, victories in progress with someone you trust so they can help you stay on track. You can't date in isolation, baby. You can't date alone. That's, that's, that's a, that's a trick from the enemy. I remember when I dated my daughter's dad and I talk about that a lot because that relationship shaped my life in so many ways that that relationship, honestly, almost cost me my life. I almost committed suicide afterwards because I lost my identity in him. I thought he was my everything. We had planned to be married. I got pregnant and things went south and so I didn't know who I was coming out of that and while in that Relationship I did have people warning me like, hey, I don't think you should do that, but I'm the type who need to be basically like Shut up, that the way, like if you see a like say, you see, like a big old truck coming down the street, big old semi truck and you got somebody just walking my street headphones on, they just made own the world.
Speaker 1:You can't just be like, hey, might be a bad idea For you to be walking out of fun in front of the truck like that. Or hey, I'm gonna pray for you. People like me, you need to push me out the way. You need to get in my face. You need to say, faye, you tripping, and I didn't really have that.
Speaker 1:I have people being trying to be nice to me. I'm not gonna be the nicest person to you when I see your life, your spirit, your walk with Jesus on the mind. Yes, I'm gonna be loving, but being loving is not always being nice. It's two different things. To be nice and kind, that's two different things. I am never going to be put nice so nice is towards you over the Wanting to see you walk and wanting to see your, your relationship with Jesus be strong. I am never Going to put. I just want to. You know, I don't want to be confrontational Over me, seeing you about to make the biggest mistake of your life. Yes, you might be mad at me, but guess what? You gonna thank me later and that's how I rock. You need to find somebody who rock the same way.
Speaker 1:Yes, I can't stand what my friends tell me, what I don't want to hear. Like one of my friends, I told about my. My head had a situation that popped up in my personal life, about housing, and these people did my family so wrong and I wanted to destroy them. I'm just being honest, being very upfront right now. Okay, I wanted to get, even I want revenge. I'm just gonna tell the truth. Okay, and I told my friend and my friends that faith. I was like, well, I didn't do what, I just wanted to. I was angry, but I didn't see it and my friend girl said, fat, you need to repent because your heart is trash right now. And I was like, oh, excuse you. But she was right and immediately I had to go and ask God that Lord, help my heart, lord, renew the right spirit in me, search my heart. Oh God, why am I so vengeful right now? And so you need that accountability.
Speaker 1:Number three the third thing we talked about was now you need to work on avoiding temptation. Are you to work on avoiding tempting situations? You need to put up God rails, meaning what y'all doing at night with each other, like past 9 pm, 10 pm, like in private, why you at his house, why y'all doing late night caps, why y'all, you know, long romantic walks in the park all by yourself, why y'all laying in a car. A lot of stuff go down in the car after a date. I ain't crazy. A lot of stuff go down in a car at night after a date. And so you know I'm saying I ain't gotta, I ain't gotta put it out here too, too, too much. But you know I'm talking about, yeah, and even when you home, y'all, y'all Face time with each other, showing each other body parts, showing each other all types of Saying weird pictures to each other.
Speaker 1:You need to avoid these situations. So you gotta be mindful of the environments and situations you put yourself in. You gotta avoid being alone In these private romantic places for extended periods of time, especially when you know you know that. You know that you know temptation gonna be a factor in Temptation going in, because we be weakest water in those spaces, because our body is literally like, it's literally like in flames and all it take is one little thing, one little touch, one little kiss, one little something to totally Baby, send you off into a spiral of passion and lust. And so avoid this stuff. Stop playing with your life and so choose group activities or public settings for your dates. Get up, go to coffee, go to breakfast, go to brunch, like there's other options. You don't have to. You know, play with your walk like that, play with your intimacy like that, because the thing about it Is that if you cross these boundaries you find yourself y'all already have had sex and y'all doing Married people do.
Speaker 1:It's gonna blind you, you won't be doing the proper dude, you will not fulfill what you supposed to fulfill in your singleness. If you do this, what am I saying? What I'm saying is you won't ask the right questions, you won't see what you need to see. You will miss the interview stage where you need to find out. How is he when he's angry? How is he was his mother? How is he with kids? Is he mentally stable? Is he emotionally stable? Because you'll be drunk and love drunk and lust with this person. You gonna miss every red flag there is to be seen, because the Lord warns his children. The Lord cares about you. He don't want you to enter into a relationship. That's not his perfect will, although he'll allow it because of free will. It'll be his permission. Will he permit you to do that? Because you chose it. But I don't.
Speaker 1:The reason we avoid this stuff, y'all, is because you gotta Stay grounded. And when you are all lovey-dovey, fruit for fruit, you're not grounded. You are floating on the cloud. You are just happy that someone's hugging you and touching you and loving on you and and you are missing everything you need to see so you can make a solid decision. And so y'all I got three more. We're gonna jump into our next episode. Thank you so much for listening. I want you to drop comments. I want you to email me. I want you to hit me up. I want to know what you doing out there. How's your walk? Do you need accountability? Yes, I am still working on bringing this community together in one little tribe so we can hold you accountable and really date the biblical way. And so I love y'all. Y'all are amazing. You all stay beautiful. Y'all take care. Bye, bye you.