Part 2: Between God and Desire: The Christian Dating Dilemma

Welcome back for Part Two!! 

Navigating the Christian dating scene can be a tricky endeavor, but what if we told you there's a blueprint that guides you through it all? This episode brings to light the importance of purity in Christian dating, highlighting the power of prayer and God's guidance in shaping relationships. 

Tune in, as we navigate these fascinating discussions on Christian dating and marriage.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hello, beautiful people, we are back. Last week, we started talking about how to maintain purity and sexual integrity in a Christian relationship, and I'm not talking about no little play-play Christian, I'm talking about real believers. So if that ain't, you just saying, the conversation for you and you will be mad at me listening to this okay, but if you're really trying to honor God in dating, this is for you. So last week we talked about establishing clean boundaries, accountability and avoiding tempting situations, and so if you didn't hear that, go back, listen to part one. But thank y'all so much just for jumping in here and being with me again. I am just so thankful that God's allowed me to use my story for his glory and I really do pray every time I talk to you guys that you would glean something where you can honor God, even in your dating relationship, and so let's hop into it. So number four we're gonna talk about pray. I let my girl know that when we had this conversation she got to get a stronger prayer life. You can't be out here weak in prayer. You don't know how to pray. You got to pray. You got to pray and ask Holy Spirit to help you resist temptation, and so you can't walk this thing out by yourself. So stop trying to Stop walking on the island. You got rid of all your friends and now you don't pray. That's crazy. You need to keep your friends around you and you better learn how to pray. And so you got to get into your secret place and seek God's guidance and strength through prayer, and so you can even pray together as a couple and I'm not talking about a deep stuff, though, don't be going too deep with this person but just both of y'all need to make it a part of your prayer life where you're both praying for wisdom and asking God just to help y'all navigate this. This time we all can honor each other. I want, when you date this one, it should look like in all honesty I know a lot of us have gotten kind of twisted up by what the world shown us and what culture says, and we've actually adopted a lot of the worldly ways of dating which is so, not not healthy for the church. We got to stop pulling madness at the world and bring it into our church, okay, and so a lot of times we we cross boundaries, we we be boyfriend and girlfriend for four, five, six, seven, eight years. We start pulling in culture and we never stop to ask the Lord, holy Spirit, god, is this how you want me to date? And so you got to make that a, I guess, make it a part of your everyday. God, is this who you want me to date? God, am I dating? That is this dating honoring you. He needs to be a part of conversation because, guess what, if God's not a part of your dating, I highly doubt he be part of your marriage. And if he's not a part of your marriage, you are putting yourself in line for divorce in devastation. Okay, so let's keep going.

Speaker 1: 2:51

Number five I encourage you to make you in your word. You got to be a woman of the word, meaning you got to know what the Bible says about premarital sex, know what the Bible says in the example of given in scriptures. There's not like a black and white in scripture about dating, because dating is not honestly not a thing in biblical times. They literally you would like that show wife, let's get married. And so I finally believe to in the believers world and kingdom.

Speaker 1: 3:20

We don't date to play with each other. We date to mate. Meaning I'm not dating you just to have fun with you. Because, number one. I'm not gonna play with somebody who God takes serious. I'm not gonna, you know, be out here wasting your time, resources, energy, when you need to be accomplishing and fulfilling the mission that God's put on this person's life and you distracted them from it. I will not be calling that and granted, I was a lot but I want to encourage you to don't play with somebody.

Speaker 1: 3:50

If you don't have an attention or desire, you can see yourself marrying him. You need to vacate and while we there, we need to stop allowing these. I'm just gonna say it. You gotta stop allowing people to mishandle you. They miss handling you anytime. They willing to date you all that time and I'm not saying Y'all got a plan or if y'all talked about it where it's like we need to finish college, or we need to do certain things, or he needs to go overseas, or you go overseas, or whatever it looks like.

Speaker 1: 4:22

I'm not talking about that type of stuff. I'm talking about this person is treating you like an option, treating you like one of his options. He's always telling you well, I gotta pray about it, well, I got this right here. But you always see in him like, like it is. It's hard to really explain this. I don't really know how to say it, but I'm gonna put it like this.

Speaker 1: 4:43

I've seen it where women have been led on for years and this man, once he finds what he looking for, which wasn't her at the beginning, he marries the next woman in less than a year, after wasting four to three to three to five years, his other woman's life, and she's left broken-hearted because she was hanging on to the false hope that some type of way this thing would work out. May that not be you. In Jesus name, may you seek God. Next, god, lord, show me if this person's leading me on and then you act. You act up, you act on that insight, on their revelation. If God show you this person just playing with you and you keep continuing to be played with, that's your fault. So when God reveals to you this person not taking you serious, this person's playing with you first leading you on, be strong enough to pick your head up and walk off. Okay, let's keep going.

Speaker 1: 5:42

Number six you got a um Sorry. Number five we talked about being a word. Number six you got to start seeking counsel and support groups. So you need to have a supportive community around you. So now only you have intimate accountability. You need a supportive A group or somebody to hold you accountable, okay. The next one is you got to stay focused on the future.

Speaker 1: 6:05

Gotta remember, keep in mind, just because you're dating, I don't mean this is him, because, guess what, you single till you're married, okay. And so you have to remember that the ultimate goal of Christian dating is to discern whether this person is potential spouse. That's the goal. That's the goal. Can I Bear with this brother but arrest him on natural life Because divorce not an option, okay, can I? As a woman I'm speaking to women right now Can you see yourself coming underneath his leadership? Is he a good leader or is he just cute? Can you? Are you willing to give up all your dreams, all your goals, all your hopes, all your desires if God calls you to do that, to follow this man and to raise up a family? Cause, guess what?

Speaker 1: 6:54

I wanted to be the super power house lawyer and entrepreneur, and I was working really hard to get that done and I got married and y'all, I had to give that up. I had to give it up and it was so hard. I'm still in the process of giving it up right now. It's one of the hardest things I had to do in my life, because we've taught a lot of us, especially in America. We're taught to go get it, to be this powerful woman, and there's nothing wrong with that, but it's like, almost like we lost the excitement that comes with becoming a wife and a mother. It's like we love the wedding, but the work of marriage, the sacrifice of marriage, the cost of being someone's wife, being a helper, what that looks like, it ain't no joke, ain't nothing to be played with.

Speaker 1: 7:42

And so you need to make sure that, even though he cute fine and all that right there that's cute Is this person worth you being his wife? Could you follow them for the rest of your life? And if you follow into sexual sin and emotional stuff, it'll be hard for you to see that until you're in the marriage. And once you're in the marriage, you can just walk out like that, like it's not that easy, okay. And so make sure you stay focused on finding out, asking those questions, those important questions, okay. And then you wanna also practice stuff control. This is an opportunity for you to practice stuff control.

Speaker 1: 8:18

That's another reason why sexual purity is so important, because if you can't control yourself while dating, you ain't gonna control yourself while married, okay, hear me out. If you can't abstain while you single, which is person, you can't un-aggress your body while you are y'all single together, it's gonna. You're gonna probably experience some, some dishonor in your marriage. Okay, I'm just saying that. I've seen it where women they've dated these guys, and guys seem godly, very strong, but he's had a porn addiction, okay, and the lady would compromise a bit. Let him touch on her, they touch on each other, they cross boundaries. And she was thinking like, hey, once you get married he'll be able to have sex with me openly, it'll be great. No, he now can have sex with you, and that's something he's conquered and that's something he's that he's gifted as a husband. But this man is still struggling with pornography, still struggling with masturbation, even in marriage.

Speaker 1: 9:19

So marriage is not a fixer, okay, marriage just exposes who you are, and so if you can't have self-control, which is a feudal spirit, while you single, you ain't gonna have it when you marry. Okay, so let's keep going. You wanna make sure that you all know our self-control in every area? The next one we talked about is you wanna avoid sexual content. Y'all don't need to be watching nothing explicit, okay, cause watching all that explicit stuff, listen to that explicit music. It's just opening you up for the enemy to send intrusive thoughts and send intrusive pictures and you'll find yourself struggling. And so watch what you're watching, okay. And lastly, I talked about how, if you make a mistake and cross boundaries, you gotta repent and forgive yourself and ask the Lord what he had you to do with this relationship.

Speaker 1: 10:12

Okay, and so that's what we talked about, and I really hope that you guys are blessed by this. I would love to hear from you, hear what you think about it, hear what you thought. All that wonderful stuff, and I'm just thankful and I can't wait for y'all to start getting married and y'all share with me how this podcast possibly impacted you in the smallest way, but I love y'all to spread us out by the God name of Jesus. We come before you, lord, and we submit ourselves Lord. We honor you, lord. We desire to Raise up the standard in Christian dating. We desire God to just really please you and all that we do, including dating, including friendships, including every little thing we do because we love you, lord.

Speaker 1: 10:56

God, actually just give these ladies string to endure, god, I ask you just to touch your hearts, all those who are mourning, who are sad, who feel hopeless and lost. Lord, I ask that you just would touch them, or, father, you just will show them, lord, if you have a Beautiful end in mind. You have a hope in the future for them. Oh God, and it is good, guys, you just allow them just to grow in and what and grow and trust in you, and that you just will begin to show them more your heart for them and you begin will leave them and they will have ears to hear and Ask to see, and they will follow you all days of their life. God, actually, just you just will help them just to focus on Jesus, not on what's going on around them, not on who's dating who, who's doing what, but they just will focus on fulfilling the assignment their life. And when you're ready for them to be be married or start dating, you make it so clear to them, father, that they would Not make a mistake, that they would know this is from you.

Speaker 1: 12:00

God, pray all these things. I love you. I praise you in Jesus name. Amen. Love y'all so much. I.