Which Christian Dating Site is best? Digital Dating

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Have you ever navigated the choppy waters of online dating and wondered if your soulmate is just a swipe away? 

My own quest for love led me through the virtual doors of Christian dating sites, where I encountered more than just potential partners—I stumbled into a whirlwind of self-discovery and spiritual reflection. 

Join me as I share a candid and raw recount of post-breakup vulnerabilities, the sometimes awkward dance of digital self-presentation, and the surprising lessons learned from an unexpected deep dive into church life, following my interaction with a pastor on Match.com and eHarmony. It's a journey through the complexities of identity, divine timing, and the delicate balance of presenting oneself truthfully while seeking a connection that's more than skin deep.

This episode is not just my story; it’s a window into the broader themes of trust, service, and the stark realities of Christian dating that many of us face. I reflect on a year committed to supporting a man's ministry in the hopes of proving myself as a spouse, and how this experience illuminated the importance of self-respect over the longing to be chosen. 

Transcript

Online Dating and Church Pitfalls

Speaker 1 0:01

All right , y'all , we are back . Eventually y'all are gonna upgrade this podcast . I just kind of like , just like the just raw , just raw rugged type podcast . I don't know about y'all , but now that it's been a podcast I get kind of annoyed with all of the intros and all . And even though it's really nice sometimes I can get kind of annoyed with it , and so that's why I kind of shoot straight from the hip . But I'm going to do better , I promise you guys . Okay . But thank y'all so much for everyone who joined the Crown mentorship and thank y'all so much for all y'all who still follow me with my put this podcast . Y'all , we family today we want to heartbreak into it .

Speaker 1 0:33

I had a girl hit me up . Y'all never hear of her . She asked me . She said , hey , which Christian dating site is the best ? First story time Okay .

Speaker 1 0:42

So listen , I remember when I was dating , after I met a little heartbreak , I was dating y'all , and I was dating and I just couldn't find anybody . I couldn't find anybody in the city I was in and it just seems hopeless . And I was like you know what ? I'm going to try dating websites . And so this is before . It got like super big and first I was pretty scared about it because I was like you know what if they're a killer ? What if they're not what they think they are ? You know what if they like you know weird , what if I get catfished ? You know all the stuff that could happen . And so I got on y'all I remember , and I was like , okay , I think I'm ready to date . And I tried to date . And then this was probably about two or three years after me and my dad , my daughter's dad , broke up when I was like , okay , I'm ready to try date again . And it was right before I went on a year consecration , now got tired of dating Cause dating was just so frustrating to me , and I went and did a membership on Christian Mingle , on eHarmony and I did one also on matchcom . There we go . And I was gonna do one on blackpeoplemeetcom but I was like , no , I'm gonna stick to them three right there , I really like eHarmony and matchcom . Let me tell you about my matchcom dating shenanigans . Y'all ready .

Speaker 1 2:05

And so I get on matchcom and eHarmony and all that good stuff and I meet this guy . He was , I said , to my profile which those profiles are kind of hard to actually even navigate , to be honest , because you want to put your best foot forward . But you don't know , then you kind of uncomfortable and so I did the best I could put cute pictures up there and I tried to make myself accessible and available . And I was nervous cause I was like , you know , I'm a single mom now and I don't know who's gonna wanna date me , and so I'm just gonna try . I put my information out there Y'all .

Speaker 1 2:38

I get this person who reached out to me . He was a pastor for my like a huge church and I'm like , oh my God , is this a whole pastor right here ? And I began to chat back and forth with him and it seems to be all great . And this is why I be wanting y'all be like a do not count your eggs , for they hatch number one and number two , do not . You gotta know your identity . You have to not try to bend your life around this person that could possibly be your groom or your spouse , because a lot of times that's because you don't trust God and you're trying to control the situation , you're trying to manipulate the situation . And so I learned a hard lesson in this whole online dating situation .

Speaker 1 3:19

And so I meet this guy , we start chatting . He seems to be great , he seems to be awesome Y'all . I totally start going to his church . I start going to his church because I liked him . I thought he was pretty great and I was like he seems really nice . He's a pastor . I felt like man , he got status . He seems to be loves . God got status , seems to be a type of man I want to be with , and so I joined his church . It's a big church too , so I can easily blend in and I joined . Now , all I did , I joined his church . I also joined his ministry .

Speaker 1 3:49

I joined this guy's ministry so he could see me every time needed to meet and I wanted him to know that I was serious about getting to know him on a deeper level than just online . And so we started to hang out . I'm just so excited , y'all . I'm already , in my mind , planned out we're going to get married , we're going to be together , we're going to this many kids .

Speaker 1 4:08

I didn't already ran down the street , run a corner , cross the road in my whole life with this man , and so I had no idea I had wrote , literally started to wrap my life into his life . I had started to literally become woven , you know . You see , like a braid , I was like like I was literally like putting my life into his life . I had paused my entire life for him . I wasn't dating , I wasn't trying to see nobody else . I had plenty of the men on eHarmony and Mashedcom to respond to my dating profile . I shut the dating profile down because I knew this was it . I was like this is it . And so y'all are so crazy . Now I think about it .

Speaker 1 4:48

I go and I go in on my at the church all the time I'm trying to serve . I became this man's assistant Y'all . I'm doing every thing to get this man's attention . I mean every thing . I even joined . I signed up to volunteer to go to the church on a weekday , y'all on a weekday , to help him write thank you cards . I remember it just like it was yesterday . I'm up there writing thank you cards , I'm up there doing everything . We're still , you know , he's . He's saying I'm gonna do everything I can to show him I'm a great catch .

Speaker 1 5:19

And so eventually I guess he starts to see like man , she really liked me . And so he came to me and he was like hey , I just want to let you know , I don't want to let the ministry . I don't want to let our dating profile , what we've been talking and stuff on why I'm getting away of this ministry , so let's just put that on hold . And I'm like , okay , no problem , you got to be very careful , ladies . You got to be very careful when you are just so zealous and you just really want this man to be your man , okay . And so I just fell for the Okadote . I literally all pause my whole life . It was like we're gonna get this ministry off the ground . I'm helping , go to help him grow his ministry and we're going to be a power couple in the

Lessons Learned From Online Dating

Speaker 1 5:56

church .

Speaker 1 5:56

Yeah , I had made this whole facade in my mind , in my head looking crazy , looking like a lunatic , looking like a loony tune , y'all looking crazy because I didn't trust God , right . And so I'm sitting here , ladies , and I'm like planting this stuff out of my head . I'm serving and I'm loving and I'm honoring and I'm laying out the red carpet to show him I'm a good wife , I can be a good first lady or a good past swiper whatever you want to call it . And so y'all , after about after months , close to a year of serving and helping him build this ministry and doing everything I knew to do to make him see that I didn't cook for the brother , because you know they don't do that right there , but I was doing everything else that I could do . I mean , we didn't , we didn't , we didn't even date y'all this man . He took me to maybe a coffee day once or twice , but I thought , because he said , let's , let's pause our dating in order to just focus on ministry , I was thinking , you know , eventually , at some point we'll pick back up .

Speaker 1 6:50

And so , y'all , about about about a year or so , in a year or so in , yeah , I go to him and I'm like , hey , like no , no , no , no , no . This is what happened . About a year or so went in and I this is years ago , y'all , so y'all give me a minute . But about a year or so went by and I was in his office writing thank you letters , y'all , and he basically tells me in so many words that we need to , he needs to back off of me and I'm like , whoa , I've been serving , I've been supporting you , I've been doing all this stuff . Why are you going to back off all of a sudden ? And so you know me trying to be a good Christian , trying to show him I'm a good wife , I'm like no problem , no problem , no problem . But do like straight , like so I treat me like , like not okay .

Speaker 1 7:36

He started to like kind of mishandle me , act like I was invisible , like you know how Cole shouldered me and it wasn't wrong technically it went wrong , but it was just really hurtful . And so eventually I worked out the courage to Write down what I was thinking , how I felt , and I texted him asking for a meeting . And then we go and we sit down for this mean ladies , we sit down for this meeting because I'm so hurt , because my dreams have been crushed , because I had thought we was going to get together . This all started from um mashcom and I meet up with him , he invites me to the church and y'all . I get to the meeting and he's like Very , very , like you know , not really nice , very , very pointed , very , very short , almost like he got a bad attitude with me and I sit down and I'm Visibly mad , y'all and I'm , but I'm still trying to put on this front , put on this like , like you know , little fake , little personality , like look at me , I'm a great catch , trying not to show him I'm so mad . But at the same time , let him know , like , like , this is not okay . And so I'm sitting there reading to him hey , this is what happened . You met me here , we did this , I did this , I did this , I read , I read the whole list so I didn't forget what I was feeling .

Speaker 1 8:43

This man looked up at me , y'all and he basically was like I don't owe you nothing . Uh , I know what we had on mashcom , but honestly , I don't want you , I want your friend . Y'all about that , y'all I'm about came up out , my , my , my , my , my , jesusuit and went straight ghetto on him . Y'all I lost it , y'all I was so I was so , so mad . He was like I don't want you , I want your friend , and that's just what it's gonna be .

Speaker 1 9:11

I got up y'all and I was storming out . It was crazy , it was slick , embarrassing , because I was trying to storm out but the door was locked . So he had to come up and unlock the door to let me out . But y'all I was so I was so mad because I had literally spent a year in my life Trying to show this man that I was the one , that I was good . Catch , he told me I don't want you , I want your friend . And ladies . This is why I want to warn you . The lord said he who finds a wife finds a good thing and I know I'm gonna get back to the question in a minute he who finds a wife finds a good thing .

Speaker 1 9:49

I was hunting , I was looking , I got on mashcom , so my heart and my intention Was to find somebody and I was on our hunting baby . I was hunting , and so if you can get on there and not hunt , do your thing . I just want to . I was trying to like you know , let you know , like , like you know this , what could happen to you . But I don't think there is a better or best platform for Christians . To be honest , I think you just have to choose which one's good for you . You can look at christian mingle . You can look at mashcom , christian cafe e harmony , christian connection . It's so many opportunities out here .

Speaker 1 10:24

I don't want to get on tender , though . Do not be on on tender . What is y'all doing ? Okay , tender is not okay ever . Um , it's it's several lines that you can get on and Possibly just put your profile out there . Let people know , like , hey , I'm open .

Speaker 1 10:39

But I just want to also tell you be mindful that you're not out there pursuing a man to date , you , okay , don't be out there pursuing , because if you get there and you start pursuing , pursuing might lead you to a situation . But I've also seen people who you know , they've gotten on there and they found their spouse . I've seen it happen before too . So I'm not telling you what to do . I'm telling you just to use this , use biblical discretion , and also feel free to go to Coffee meets bagel that's a good one too . Go to bumble , go to hinge these are different ones that I have friends who actually got married for meeting their spouse on here , okay .

Speaker 1 11:17

And so I think tender is more of a hookup app and you need to be mindful , like you , to know what's up on there , and you also need to know there are a lot of Christians who get on these apps just to hook up , and so let's um be very vigilant About not allowing our hearts to get too far gone . That we're not doing . I do diligence , and so don't be afraid to go to senior groups in your church and go to Christian socials , facebook outings , go to meetups , like if you want to date ladies , you gotta get cute and put yourself out there . Don't be out there doing like I was doing . I was out there trying to find a man Baby . I was looking for my husband , I was hunting him down . But I want you just to know there are several , several Christian dating sites and there's not a right or wrong to put yourself out there . But I don't want you guys out there trying to pursue . You are the prize . Okay , you need to stay hidden . You need to stay before the Lord .

Speaker 1 12:11

Now , I gotta say this too , because some men are kind of like my husband , where they'll like you and they'll drop a ton of hints , and so it's not . I don't think it's a problem Personally . I don't think it's a problem to give a little nudge , to let this person know you're open . Because I let my husband know I was open . And how did I do that ? When everyone was dancing , and he was kind of dancing too , I kind of went and danced next to him and we started dancing together . That's how he knew , okay , she's open . And I went out there , you know , laying out the red carpet , cooking a five a course meal , all that right there . I was very subtle but very fun with it and I left it at that and it was up to him to pick it up and pursue me . I was not going to be out here doing the most and so , just when you're out there online dating , just keep the same biblical standards in mind and know that the Lord is with you

Invitation to Join Mentorship Program

Speaker 1 13:02

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Speaker 1 13:02

Hope you all enjoyed this episode . Also , before we go , there are more seats at the table . There are more room for you , my sisters in the crowd , mentorship , so feel free to join . The link will be in the bio . I love you all so much . Y'all take care .