Christian Dating Talk
Christian Dating Talk
When Kisses Lead to Compromise: Navigating Boundaries in Christian Dating
How far is too far when it comes to physical affection in Christian dating? Join us for a candid conversation with Faye Hope as she shares her personal journey and insights into the potential dangers of kissing while dating. Faye opens up about her own experiences, discussing how physical acts like kissing can lead to sexual temptation, especially for those who have previously engaged in sexual activities. She encourages listeners to seek guidance from the Bible and remain true to their personal convictions, underscoring the importance of aligning actions with scriptural teachings.
Through heartfelt stories and scriptural references, we delve into the emotional complexities that physical affection can introduce before marriage. We explore why maintaining boundaries is crucial for honoring the sanctity of marriage and avoiding compromised judgment. Faye brings to light the notion of guarding one's holiness and upholding the integrity of future marital covenants, sharing poignant anecdotes that illustrate the slippery slope that can result from minor compromises.
Finally, we shift our focus to the significance of prioritizing spiritual and emotional intimacy in relationships. Faye emphasizes the rewards of waiting on God's timing and the importance of avoiding regret by guarding one's heart. She shares her own story of waiting and the fulfillment that followed, offering encouragement to those navigating the challenges of singleness and dating. As we wrap up, Faye introduces her upcoming book, "10 Reasons Why I Hate Christian Dating," promising further guidance and support for listeners on their journey. Join us for an engaging discussion on navigating Christian dating with faith and integrity.
Hello, how's it going? Welcome back to the Christian Talk with your girl, faye Hope. Y'all are doing absolutely amazing. We're going to hop into it this time. This was actually an episode that was just audio only. It was the most downloaded episode and for that I thank y'all so much.
Speaker 1:And what we're talking about right now, y'all, is what is wrong with Christian kissing. And while we're dating dating and I know people were a little in a feelings when I dropped this episode it was like what you mean? I'm like, listen, I've been around long enough. Your girl's 35 years old, didn't get here overnight. I've seen some things and I'm only telling you what I think and so what I always try to do after each episode don't take my word. Don't take my word, baby, go get your Bible, go get your Bible, go get your word, get in it and see what the Bible has to say about it.
Speaker 1:This episode here is going to deal with why do I think kissing is a dangerous thing when you're dating, especially, honestly, only if you really want to be a so-not-believer. I have been there, I did it the wrong way, I tried to do it the right way and failed and finally got it, and so I'm not just speaking what I think I know. I'm speaking from what I do know. But, like I always say, I don't know everything. Take what you need, do you know? But, like I always say, I don't know everything. Take what you need. Leave what you don't, let's get into it.
Speaker 1:Christian dating is a very complex topic and a lot of this kind of depends on a lot of personal convictions and personal beliefs and values. And also it can depend on your interpretation of the scripture, because some of us like to bend, you know, like try to bend the Bible a little bit, try to meet our standards or we'll try to cherry pick scriptures that kind of go along with what we want for our life and leave the rest. And so I am a person who fully believes the Bible. I believe the full and arid Bible. I believe every comma, every period, every semicolon, baby, and so if you are that type of believer and you want to hear well done and you want God to be pleased in every area of your life, this episode's for you. Let's hop right into it. The reason why I say kissing in relationship is a no is because kissing leads to temptation sexually, especially if you're a person who's not a virgin, your non-virgin self.
Speaker 1:Do not need to be out there making out. I'm just going to be real. If your kids fake, they'll do something else. I ain't got five kids for nothing, y'all. God made six. I know you're like my Lord. This is a lot. Just follow me. Just follow me. I'm going to go out your heart, okay, but I'm also going to say the truth. I must always tell the truth. That's something you ain't never gotta worry about. I'm gonna tell you the truth, baby. God made sex.
Speaker 1:God made all this amazing stuff as it deals with dating and marriage and love. God made that. It was his idea. God put Adam in a garden and say you know what? It is not good for you to be alone, and I think that can be interpreted several ways. But anywho, let me focus on dating God. It is not good for you to be alone, and I think that can be interpreted several ways. But anyhow, let me focus on dating. God said it's not good for you to be alone. You need community. Animals have their companions, the trees have everything they need. But God knew because God, he's a triune being. So he knew he can't just leave Adam by himself. I'm going to make a helper suitable. And so he made the helper suitable for Adam. And he didn't say, adam, thou shalt marry, he allowed Eve to sashay. Look good, smell good, queen stuff. Come on, adam would say whoa, my bro, flesh of my flesh, I shall call you. You is me and I is you. We is is one. And that's where we see the first poem first love, first sight.
Speaker 1:Okay, I believe that kissing in your dating relationship is a threat to your sexual purity, and especially if you are one who's already had sex, either before you got saved or within your walk with Jesus. You kind of slipped up and most of that slip up. There don't be no slip up. Let's be real. Most of that be a choice. You walk into sexual sin.
Speaker 1:You are heavy, making out all of each other face, doing all the most what you think you're doing. You are opening each other up for something that shouldn't remain closed until it's too open to get. It's literally like it's almost christmas time, which is my favorite holiday. It's literally like it's almost christmas time and your mama hide all the gifts and you take your little sneaky step up in there and you go and you what she put them gifts and you're gonna try to open it. You should feel ashamed of yourself. You should feel like, you should feel horrible. I'm telling you, I'm with you Because if you're heavy pad and you're doing all that, I'm with you. There's something we got to really talk about. If you can literally do all of that, get all the way to the end, so y'all about to have sex for real, and all of a sudden now we'll stop, you're playing with fire. You are playing with fire. It's obvious that we got to have a conversation and you need to go talk to your disciple leader Because you are on the verge of falling prey to sexual immorality. I'm going to be real with you. How do you know?
Speaker 1:I used to be one of those people. When I got married, before I became a Christian, I literally had sex before I became a Christian and I was trying my best to live the holy way. I was like I'm gonna do this, I'm not gonna touch nobody else, I'm gonna consecrate myself, I'm a widow, jesus. Then I met this amazing guy. He's still really dope. We had a beautiful daughter together and I had sex with him and I felt so awful, but it was like I couldn't. I couldn't fuck myself because I opened the door all started from heavy putting, touchy, heavy kissing. Because I know for a fact that I can speak for both men and women in this because I come from a family with a bloodline of sexual morality and perversion, so I can speak from both of it, a bloodline that was riddled with lust.
Speaker 1:And if you get past a certain point in the touching, kissing, hugging, heavy petting phase, you are going to go further than you want to go. I'm just going to be real with you. There's only so much self-will that a human body has, especially if you're a man. I don't care what nobody say. A lot of times and I'm about to get on a tangent here, just follow me I was talking to one of my disciples and she's dating now and I love him. The guy's really incredible. She's incredible. He's supposed to lead the way, but right now he ain't your leader. Did you hear me? Right now you're trying to place on him what belongs to your husband. He won't lead the way.
Speaker 1:I'm here to tell you men, at a certain point, especially when it deals with sexual stuff and touchy-feely stuff and purity stuff at a certain point they stop thinking with this. They think straight from the body. At a certain point. They stop thinking with this. They think straight from the body. At a certain point, if you showing all your breasts and showing all your hips and letting them touch you, letting them kiss on you and stuff, at a certain point I don't care for your version it's going to be a point of no return. You got to understand that, woman of God. You can't be like are we going to do this? And I'm going to allow him to lead the way. You better lead your own body. You better keep yourself under restraint. You better, because I'm telling you right now there's a certain point that's called the point of no return, that neither one of y'all be able to recover and you will find yourself in places, in spaces, in an intimate settings that you should not be.
Speaker 1:I've seen this so many times where I'm discipling a girl, she begins to date and then one thing leads to another they're kissing, they're touching, facetiming, naked pictures to each other. It begins to go into a snowball effect, because dating is like a pretty low fire and you've got to keep it contained. And how do you keep that contained? You contain it with strong boundaries. You contain it with making sure them boundaries ain't crossed, baby. And how do you double barrel? Contain it? Accountability who in your business and I watch it so many times you have one of the two fighting for their ability to kiss each other and I'm like, are y'all just picking? Y'all just going on? No Point, exactly. This is why I don't subscribe to Kissing Day, because because you kiss me, we're gonna do something else, and some of y'all just like me. I'm just saying number two, you gotta set boundaries. Baby.
Speaker 1:Kissing will start to blur lines. They will blur the boundaries. It will begin to mesh up stuff you can't even see clearly that kissing has power. God didn't say. It's power in the tongue, not just for words. Okay, there's something else up in there too. There's a in the tongue, not just for words. Okay, there's something else up in there too. There's a key that opens a door, and we ain't trying to open that door too soon. You open that door of love and lust too soon. I'm telling you, right now it's going to be almost impossible to put that thing out. If you end up calling someone to stumble, someone could possibly be hurt.
Speaker 1:So you have to make sure boundaries are in place and especially if you're a person who comes from a fornicating background, like I was. You can't kiss nobody. Kiss me if I'm with and I need you to hear me. I'm going to speak it for everybody. Some people may be like but it's not me, that's not your girl. The girl with that self. If that's your struggle, k, that's your girl. The girl with that self. If that's your struggle, kudos to you. Don't be in my comment talking crazy. But if you struggle and your body on fire, it's on fire. And on top of that, you don't want to be one of those people who marry just because you cannot have sex. You better chill out, you better put that boundary up.
Speaker 1:And so Kissing man blew the lines between what's appropriate physical affection and what belongs in marriage. There's a such thing of what's appropriate before we're married and what belongs strategically in marriage. You do not want to defile your marital bed before time. You want to, with all your might, leave that thing intact, and so some Christians need to put firm boundaries. You don't need to be up with this man night capping at the 10 pm. What y'all doing down there at the park looking at the dark lake at nighttime? What are you doing? If I'm up in there, baby you must believe. Faye doing something, faye touching something, faye, doing something. And you got to get real with yourself. I feel like a lot of Christians who they are delusional and you think, because you got saved, that your flesh ain't still fighting against you. Babe, I'm telling you right now, your flesh gonna fight against you with everything in it and you're gonna put it to death over and over and over and over. And some of y'all don't even need to be dating, y'all just jumping from one thing to the next thing. Get yourself together. Okay, focus.
Speaker 1:Number three the next reason why I don't subscribe to kissing. I don't think that's a boundary. I think that's something that needs to be left alone, because that is a little wow, cute, little fire that if you allow it to go too far, you will go too far. Okay, number three kissing creates emotional attachments. At times, that kissing stuff, especially that deep, passionate kissing y'all bikes coming all together and stuff you're doing too much. You're doing too much. So physical intimacy, even something as simple as kissing, can create deep emotional bonds that you not know, that it can cloud your entire judgment. You can't. You like I didn't have sex, but he always in my mind, can't get them off my mind. Have y'all been heavy kissing. Huh, have y'all been heavy kissing? Because you've been having kissing. I'm telling you right now, you, you, you all trapped to have a little fornication going on.
Speaker 1:Okay, number four, you want to respect the sacredness of your marriage. A set of friends a couple of them actually who they were both virgins and they did not kiss each other at all. They honor God to the T and I am just amazed at how God's been so faithful and he's really just gave them a super lit sex life in their marriage. How God honors. The Lord honors when you honor what he put in place. A lot of times we forget, because of what the world tells us and because of what we've seen or haven't seen, that marriage is a sacred covenant between man and a woman that God put in place.
Speaker 1:Okay, and so God wants it to be a place where you can be completely open, you can be completely yourself, completely vulnerable, because your girl was like six in a wedlock, had a deed air pain, had a baby in a wedlock too, and I just had a lot of things that were holding me hostage emotionally and mentally that it took time for my husband to begin to wash me in the word of the lord and help clean me up and of course my word and prayer and discipleship did a huge help me heal and help me get whole. But my husband had to put in unnecessary work rebuilding the damaged parts of me. It was certain things I was like I just can't do that because the things that had happened prior, because they opened myself up and got mishandled, and so you don't want to put somebody else's spouse because that's not your spouse. If you just dating, it's not your spouse Until y'all say I do, y'all did not, okay, and so that's not your spouse. Until it become your spouse, understand me. And so you do not want to mishandle someone else's spouse. You do not want to desecrate that which God count as sacred. You do not want to damage somebody that then someone else has to go and re-put them back together. And I am just so thankful for how God allowed me to marry a man of God that saved himself a marriage Because your girl did not qualify.
Speaker 1:I was straight up like out here doing my thing. I ain't gonna lie. I was out here having sex. I was out here having babies and it is what it is. But the Lord allowed me in his amazing love for me to be restored. He allowed my husband to come into my life and help put pieces of damage that happened to me over years back together. You don't want to be that person that damages somebody else's spouse Understand and you definitely don't want to be that person that desecrate that which is sacred that our god put in place. So by waiting to engage in this level of physical affection, it can help you honor your future covenant in marriage and it's gonna make your sex like super when you get married.
Speaker 1:Okay, and so kiss it. It's neither right, no right. It depends on your individual convictions and you gotta get in your scripture, you gotta prayer, you got to get with your disciple leader and y'all got to comb this. But this is just how I feel, okay, and so I don't want nobody saying if I said the Bible said no, I ain't say that, I'm just telling you what I think and what I've seen and why I think it is very dangerous for you to do this, because it glurs lines and it can cause you to mess up somebody else's life and mess up your own life.
Speaker 1:Okay, number five, we got a couple more. Number five you want to guard holiness and guard your witness, understand? I don't know how many times I've seen powerful men and women of god get with somebody who are not as strong as them spiritually. They begin to make a little couple of lines here, a little couple of lines here, a little couple of knots here. The Bible says this like very clearly. It says a little leaven, leavens the whole loaf, something like that. But basically it's the small foxes that kill the vine. It's those little bitty things that you don't think are that important that mess your stuff up.
Speaker 1:If I take this ocean water down, if I take this ocean water and I just pour a little bit of pour a little bit down my gas tank, what's gonna happen? And I'm not saying that just because you kiss, you gotta go to hell. No, and anybody's saying that. So relax. What I am saying is you will be mindful of that little compromise that we do, because once you start kissing, you start touching.
Speaker 1:Once you start touching, you're going to start doing something else. You're going to start touching each other in your privacy. I'm just going to be real. It's going to go from one thing to the next thing. Right, I'm not right, I know I'm right. I don't care. I don't care what you say. You can't tell me nothing. Now you can have your own convictions, but I'm a bit worried with you If you kissing all that deep, passionate y'all mouths, all in between each other, mouth and stuff, you can't tell me. Your hands behind your back, I'm waiting. Yep, I see what I said.
Speaker 1:And so you want to guard your holiness and guard your witness, because sometimes you have your pen and scissors and see what I'm doing anyway, you don't know what that's doing to the other person. You don't know what that's even doing to the person you're kissing. What if that person has just come out of a life of fornication, be it heterosexually or homosexually? They're finally able to stand strong. And because your little snaky stuff can't stick your butt down, you're so hot you just want to make out. All the time you are locking something in there that needs to be shut down. What is wrong with you? I'm not saying we got to live our life all super, holy, legalistic, but some of y'all need some legalism. Some of y'all need some locks and bones, because some of us come from a place of abundance to lust, a place of abundance to fornication, a place of abundance in so many different things. You need some handcluffs, baby, and I know I might be like man fans, you being so extra. Well, baby, if it ain't for you, it ain't for you. Good luck, okay, because I ain't here to play with the flesh. I can't play with the flesh. The flesh is not team Jesus. I don't know what you thought. The flesh is team Jesus. The flesh is trying to hinder what God is trying to do in your life. That's why God said put it to death. Okay. So it's time to make compromises and make alibis for the flesh and put it to death, okay.
Speaker 1:Number six you want to prioritize spiritual intimacy, so focusing too much on the biblical can take away from you building that spiritual and emotional intimacy. Not that you need to be racing Now. I got something to say about that too, because I don't think you should mix it too much. But while you're over there kissing him, you better be trying to make sure that this man's a great father to be. You better be trying to ask the right questions and make sure that he ain't compromised in no way. You better make sure he got a relationship with Jesus. While you're trying to kiss people, okay.
Speaker 1:And so some Christians they able to finagle. I'm not a finagler. I'm going to be real with you. I can't be all physicality. I'm kissing, I'm touching. I'm always over here and I still got my eyes on your walk with Jesus, because at some point, if I'm too touchy-feely-feely, I am going to begin to compromise and accept things that I wouldn't accept if I had clear sight, if I had clear judgment. So you want to prioritize that and make sure both of y'all's spiritual life is tight with the Lord.
Speaker 1:Okay, the last one. You want to avoid regret and guilt. I don't know about y'all, but I remember when God captured my heart and I was really trying not to have sex, I felt myself because I was kissing and touching and stuff. I was doing some other things too. I don't want to feel so condemned and immediately after the act I'll be just so heartbroken. Oh my God, I feel so stupid. I want to take notice and I go to South 51. Let me go to it real quick. No-transcript. I'll be like Lord, be gracious to me. O God, according to your love and kindness, according to the greatness of your compassion, blot out my transgression Because I knew that wasn't a sin, that wasn't a mistake.
Speaker 1:I knew because my flesh was out of control. I lost all restraint Once my boyfriend touched a certain thing on me me, it's like I lost all control and all I wanted to do to be with him and give him everything that I had. It's because I was in that place. I'm like my heart and my spirit and my soul and my body were all fighting because my body wanted that sexual intimacy and that emotional intimacy and that physical intimacy, but the spirit was like no, faye, wait on Jesus. I was just caught in the body and the spirit and I was just like, oh my Lord, what have I done? What have I done? And the only way for me to have gotten out of that, god had to break it. Like God had to break me out that cycle and the only way the brokenness was going to change me.
Speaker 1:God knew that I've got to kill this. I got to kill that pride and arrogance in my daughter, got to allow her to have what she's been begging for. See, a lot of us have been begging God, give me a man, give me a man, give me a man. And you've been begging God for this so much. So he keeps saying wait for me, daughter, wait for me son, I am going to give you this gift of marriage, but wait in my time, because I'm trying to do something in your life, because you keep begging, you keep pleading, you keep begging. What even earthly parent is going to keep saying no to somebody he loves so much? And so eventually God just say you know what, since you don't have my perfect will, I'll give. Give you your will, I'll permit you to have what you want. But what you don't understand is when God permits you to have what you want, it come with a lot, it come with the total cost. Everything God was trying to keep you from See.
Speaker 1:God didn't ordain for me. He didn't ordain for me to become a single mom. God did not ordain for me to sleep behind a hospital. God did not ordain for me to sleep behind a hospital. God did not ordain for me to be broke to shatters because my daughter's dad walked off and left me. God did not ordain none of that. It was God's will for me to be kept in hiding until God allowed my husband to find me, and so I don't want this for you. I want you to guard your heart with all diligence, guard your body with all diligence.
Speaker 1:Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and I know you look all fair here all the time, but I'm 35. I'm 36. I'm 26. I'm 25. Where's my spouse? I'm here to tell you if you would go. Hide yourself. Hide yourself in serving in the kingdom. Hide yourself in making sure the father's will is being done in the life that he's giving you. Hide yourself in him. He's going to come through, and when he comes through, he is going to blow your mind. And so I'm a living witness of how, when you choose against God over and over how he turns you over to what you want, you reap all the consequences of what you ask for, and it's not going to be pretty. It's not going to be pretty. It's going to be very hard. And I'm a witness to when God say okay, you listen, babe. All right, let me pick you up, let me dust you off, let me clean you up, let me get you ready. Now, let me put you back in hiding. You wait for me. I know where to find you when I'm looking for you.
Speaker 1:And then, all of a sudden November 8, 2017, I went to Pure Mix in Collierville, tennessee, for my first day on the job, and I go to the kitchen to drop off my little lunch in the refrigerator and I'm getting ready to work in this new position. I just accepted and I don't even know why I'm there and God, and he allows my husband, jamie, to come. And Jamie sees me and he says, hi, how you doing? I look at him like who you talking to and at that moment he knew I was his wife and 16 months from that day we got married. And now, almost six years into marriage, we have have five babies. Beautiful marriage y'all. My marriage is about 90% perfect. I'm not going to lie. The hardest parts of our marriage is changing booty, our little baby diapers and dealing with other people's mess that we take on as ministry partners. Okay.
Speaker 1:But what I'm saying is to say, if you trust God, you lean not to your own understanding All your ways. Acknowledge him and be willing to submit even that which is not wrong or right. Be willing to say God. However you want me to do this, I'll do it. If kissing is causing me or my mate future mate to stumble, we're going to let this at your feet, god. We're going to trust you. I want to deploy and encourage you all. Put God first. Whatever's calling you to stumble, whatever's holding you back from full intimacy and walking with the king. Get rid of it today and go full in on what God told you to do. I promise you it'd be worth it.
Speaker 1:I love y'all. Please like, subscribe, share this with a friend. If this gave you value, I love y'all. Also. Feel free to come. I you value. I love y'all. Also feel free to come. I love to hear from y'all. You need help. Reach out. I got you. You ain't alone. I never been in this thing before and, granted, y'all got it worse than me. Whoo, this day nowadays, boy, I'm. So if you want to join the wait list for my new book, 10 reasons why I hate christian dating, it's going to be life-changing it. It's going to help you navigate this season of singleness, this season of dating, and even prep you to become that godly wife or godly husband. So I want you to hit me up in the comments below. And I love y'all. Take care. Love Jesus. Okay, y'all? Have an amazing day.