Christian Dating Talk
Christian Dating Talk
When Christian Dating Feels Impossible: Trusting God's Timing in Christian Dating: PART 1
IF CHRISTIAN DATING SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE, LISTEN TO THIS!
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Join me, Faye, as I share my personal journey from being a homeless single mom to finding love grounded in faith and biblical principles. We'll tackle the emotional struggles and societal pressures that often make Christian dating seem impossible, and discover how placing your desires in God's hands can be a game-changer. You'll hear about my experiences navigating unhealthy relationships and learn why trusting in God's timing is crucial to finding a partner who aligns with your values and commitments.
Explore the misconceptions about finding "the one" and the importance of making intentional choices in relationships. We'll look at how aligning with biblical principles and focusing on self-love can open up a world of possibilities. I’ll share my own story of career shifts and divine interventions that led me to meet my husband, illustrating the power of spiritual guidance and community accountability. This episode encourages listeners to prioritize personal development and reject societal pressures, emphasizing the abundant pool of potential partners when you focus on spiritual connection and growth.
Finally, we'll dive into the unexpected ways the Holy Spirit guides us through the challenges of Christian dating. From my personal experiences and insights shared in my book, "10 Reasons Why I Hate Christian Dating," to the supportive community of the Christian Dating Collective, this episode is a call to remain faithful and honor God in all your relationships. Get ready to be inspired by the transformative power of faith, community, and divine timing in your love life, while fostering a supportive network that upholds faith-centered relationships. Whether you're single, dating, or in a relationship, these insights will empower you to trust in God's plan and embrace the journey with hope and faith.
Hello, how's it going? Thank y'all so much for all the love on this amazing podcast. God started this podcast. I woke up one day and the Lord was like Faye, it's time to share the story. Okay, and so thank y'all so much for joining me. If you are on this channel listening to this podcast, I wanna say thank you for your time.
Speaker 1:My name is Faye. I'm your girl, your sister, your auntie, all that. I am just here to give you truths about dating and how you can have God's best if you wait and you apply the biblical dating principles that God put it in the word of God. Okay, and so a little bit about me before we jump in. I used to be a homeless, single mom. I used to be a college student that really wanted a husband, and I decided to go my own way. I was like you know what, god, I trust you to save my soul. I trust you to, you know, heal me. I trust you to, you know, cast out the demons and stuff, but I don't quite trust you to give me a husband that's going to love me and honor me, and so I'm just going to take that back from you and take that back from you and I'm going to go figure it out on my own.
Speaker 1:I did that, y'all, and oh my goodness, oh my Lord, your girl ended up long short, homeless, single mom. Met my daughter, met my daughter's dad in church actually Well, it wasn't church, it was a campus ministry. But I was a young believer. I met him thinking I was doing the right thing. But my new, before I even became a Christian, I had boyfriends. I was out doing my thing, doing what the world does. And so I'm saying all this to say if God could allow me, with all my terrible stuff I've done, with all the failures, all the losses, all the heartbreaks I walked through, if God can allow me to experience the bliss and the love and just the awesomeness, even the hardships, of marriage, and take me through all those cycles of dating and say, ok, I told you, no, told you don't do that, and you did it anyways. And then God's like right there to say OK, just get on up, go back to the word of faith what did I say? And just walk me through that season. I wanted to just create a space where we can be honest, we can use practical wisdom, we can take our Bibles and we can apply what the scripture truly say about this, and hopefully y'all can take something from this and just learn. Okay, so let's hop into it. Today we're going to talk about why is Christian dating and waiting feel is so impossible. Why does it feel so hard?
Speaker 1:I remember, after I became a homeless, single mom, I was a man hater for a while, not going to even lie, and but it got to a point where I was like I think I'm ready to date again, I think I'm ready to be someone's one, I think I'm ready for love again. And I began to try to date again. But for some reason I kept attracting men who seemingly only wanted to have sex with me. They only wanted to ask for new pictures, they only want and they're supposed to be Christian men. They only wanted like the physical, but they didn't necessarily want me. And so I kind of just kind of connected it with maybe because I'm a single mom, that's why they don't want me, and I was doing my own trying to figure it out. But I was like do I give up, do I? It just felt so hard, I didn't know what to do and some of y'all might be in that moment, in that season, right there, and I just want to tell you stay encouraged, do not give up. What you need to do is you need to take that desire and put it into the hands of the Lord, and I'm going to show you exactly how I did that and how you can do it too, so that you can take that crushing feeling that, man, I might die alone, I might be by myself alone. You can take that feeling, give it to the Lord and watch what you do with it. And so why does Christian dating feel so impossible? Here are a few reasons. I'm going to be looking over here because the girl needs notes. Ok, these are a few reasons why Christian dating and waiting may feel so impossible, and there are probably more. But these are the key reasons why I can speak for myself, why I was feeling so alone and I was even to be real with you at a certain point.
Speaker 1:I was thinking about just selling. I was like you know, I'd rather have somebody than to have nobody. I was thinking all types of thoughts in that season because I really wanted somebody to love me. I really wanted a companion. I wanted my own person. I kept seeing all my friends get married. I kept seeing all my loved ones have their boo things. I'm trying to live for Jesus. I'm not trying to do this thing the wrong way, no more. But I'm like God. You ain't moving, lord. I've been faithful, god, I'm trying. But the guys who want to date me, they only want to sex with me. They want me to send naked pictures. It's like it don't make sense.
Speaker 1:And so when you are in that in-between I call it the innuendo of dating when God is refining you and when he's testing your faith and testing your diligence, that thing is hard, ok. It's the place where you are hidden under the wings of the Lord. You don't feel like you're being cared for. But I promise you, god has you separated and you're in a hiding place, so that's the best place to be. Don't come out the oven before time. I'm telling you, if you try to rush this season, you're going to find issues in your marriage. You're going to end up in a relationship that probably is not God's perfect fit. You're going to do something that's not according to kingdom principles. That's going to mess you up, okay. And so I'm trying to tell you no, no, no, no, sis, don't do it, okay, because, just trust me, because I've jumped the gun.
Speaker 1:I went out and tried to fix it myself, tried to find my man on my own and this goes for men too, okay, and I went out and I tried to do it on my own. I ended up being a homeless, single mom after that. I even tried to date again and I kept getting guys who just wanted to want to. You know the physical they want to have sex with me, or they want me to send a new picture, or they. You know the weird stuff that be happening with Christians, okay, and we're going to have more episodes about the weird stuff, all right. And so these are the reasons.
Speaker 1:Let me focus. Number one. This is the reason number one why I think it seems so impossible because the pressure of finding the one, the pressure of finding the one, let me free you today. Let me free you today. There's no such thing as the one. Okay, the one is the one that put the ring on your finger. That's your one. Okay. There's no such thing as the one I'm looking for, the one baby. The one is the one that say I'll choose you, rich or poor, sickness and health, I choose you, and he ain't the one. Until we sign that contract, until we sign that covenant, until we make the covenant before the Lord, in the middle of all of our friends, all our family and the witnesses. Okay, that is the one. So let me free you today. If you are caught up on, oh my God, sister one, let's take all that pressure off. The one it's the one you choose.
Speaker 1:When you look at scripture, you see where even God didn't force Eve on Adam. And let me say it again Eve and Adam, male and female. If you're trying to do anything else outside of these biblical parameters, you're not being, you're not, you're tripping, okay, but you're not following scripture and you cannot be saying I'm following Jesus and I'm out here trying to do what I want to do. You're going to continue to reap those consequences of death, hell and destruction, okay, and so if you want it God's way, do it God's way. And it may suck for some of y'all who have same-sex attractions, but I mean I don't like. And it may suck for some of y'all who have same-sex attractions, but I mean I'm not sleeping around. I couldn't be out here sleeping around with people and expect God to give me a man or God what you mean. You cannot have God's best and want it your way. Let me just say Burger King.
Speaker 1:You got to do it the way that the Lord said to do it, and that means putting down all those distractions, putting down all those secret lovers, because some of y'all got some secret men. Yep, I'm waiting Because I want you to feel awkward. Okay, some of y'all got some people. Y'all been talking to Some situationships and you wonder why you can't find the one. You ain't going to find the one, god, you think God's going to really send his son, send his son, send the man of God to you. You out here playing, you got to get serious about your relationship with the Lord. If you want the Lord to, you know, take you serious about your request. God, I want to be married. God, I want to be. I'm sold out for you, but you're over here with a hideout man. What's wrong with you? I don't even know how I got on that, so let me just bring it back in. That'll be another episode, okay, but let me focus.
Speaker 1:Number two a limited pool. A lot of times we believe in that lie that it's limited. There's a limited pool. I'm here to tell you, baby, when it's time, when it's time, when God says it's time. There ain't no limits, baby.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you something. Here's a story. This is what happened to me. I consecrated myself to the Lord and I was like, okay, god, I'm just going to focus on you, my daughter and my bag. Okay, bible, jesus, my bag, my baby, that's all I was going to focus on. Okay, I consecrated myself for the Lord because I just got tired. I got tired of getting my hopes up for it to come to nothing. I got tired of thinking man, maybe this is a great man of God, but he playing. Maybe this is a great man of God, but he don't want to battle.
Speaker 1:Since I'm not enough for any of y'all, how about I just learn to love me? Because I keep waiting for you to love me and you to see me, but clearly y'all blind, and so I'm just going to learn how to love me. I'm going to learn how to just honor who God made me to be, and I'm going to be exactly who God called me to be, unapologetically, and that's what I did. That's what I did, and I became who I was. I fell in love with myself. I stopped thinking about oh, the pool is limited, oh, I got to find a perfect one, and I focused on Jesus. I focused on the King. I focused on being a great mom. I focused on being a great faith.
Speaker 1:Who was I, as I'm now a new mom, as a young woman, who was I and what did I want to become? What was God calling me into? I began to just seek the Lord. I began to just tell people I don't want to talk, I don't want to rap, I don't want to rap, I don't want to talk, don't talk to me, go talk to your mama because I ain't got time.
Speaker 1:I just got so sick of men, fake people coming to me trying to date me and they fake a plan. People who want to kind of keep me, keep me as a rebound you good, but maybe there's somebody else out there. I got sick of that. I got sick of people you know and their little things. They have to say Well, I like you, but I got sick of the emotional gains. I got sick of all the back and forth. I got sick of hearing all this data and I just said you know what? No, no, no, I'm going to focus on Jesus, my baby, my Bible and my bag. And that's what I did Begin to focus, took my brain and used it for what God called me to do and I really just gave my whole heart at being a great mom, entrepreneur and make disciples for the Lord.
Speaker 1:Okay, and I tell y'all when it was time, see that times and seasons are what God operate off of. You can't skip, you can't shortcut it. You got to endure until God say time, just like baking a cake, you got to allow that cake to bake. If it say an hour 25 minutes, let the thing stay an hour 25 minutes, because you take it out, you're going to get a flop cake, you're going to mess up something. So we got to trust that God got the proper ingredients, the proper instructions and a proper time on your life. Your love story, okay. And so I remember when I was working as a legal assistant down at an amazing, amazing law firm here in Memphis. I loved them so much, oh, my god, god used them so much in my life. I remember working there.
Speaker 1:I took my mind off of dating and all of a sudden, y'all, I get a call one morning from my disciple leader's husband. He's like Faith, I need you to call one of my guys out at this particular company. I'm not gonna say the company name because you know I don't want y'all, you know I'm gonna protect their privacy. But he called me, was like, hey, I need you to call this. This guy out at this particular company in memphis is memphis, tennessee, and because he said that he has a job to offer you. Okay, no problem. And he called back 30 minutes later and I'm like, bro, what, what you calling me for? They called back 30 minutes later and I'm like, okay, we're here, but whatever. And I'm like, yes, I hear you. He's like did you call him? No, it's not even eight o'clock. I'm gonna call him once I get my kid to school and I get a get a moment, I'm gonna call him, call back again. He called back at least three times within the span of an hour and I I'm like, why is he calling? Like this Lord, what is this Lord? I don't understand what is happening. And he just kept calling. And then, finally, I said you know what? Okay, okay, okay. I dropped my daughter off at school. My disciple leader then texted me and said Faith, do not forget to call them. And I'm like so now you know what's happening and I'll tell y'all a little bit more about this story later.
Speaker 1:On the background of this, why this is so, so beautiful. This moment was so beautiful and I wasn't expecting it, because my mom was so focused on Jesus. My mom was focused on my, my daughter, and my mom was focused on building my business and becoming the woman that God called me to be. I was so focused on that that I didn't have time for all this other stuff, okay, and so I just really just committed myself to the Lord, and so you got to figure out what is that for you? It's that God's called you to start a ministry. God's called you to start a nonprofit. God called you to serve with somebody else, because when you're single, especially if you don't have kids or nothing, that's your opportunity to flap the wings, baby, and have some fun and travel and serve and love, and you give yourself to the kingdom, you give yourself to honoring and serving and just enjoying your life. Because I'm telling you, when you get married, baby work is on the way. But let me focus.
Speaker 1:I finally called the guy at the company. The guy on the other line said, hey, is this Faith? I'm like, yes, it's Faith, he goes okay. So I was praying and I was praying about, um, this position in my company that just went vacant, we had a tragic accident that happened to the person who had the position and I was seeking God about who to hire for this position. And, mind y'all, I don't know this man he heard of me like, like randomly, and cause we kind of ran in close circles but never quite crossed. And so in Memphis, if you know, you know the Christian community is pretty tight-knit but you can still run in similar circles but still not cross. And so this is one of those moments.
Speaker 1:He called on the phone. He's like, hey, I was praying, seeking God about who to get this position to, and God said faith. And then he said he prayed again and God confirmed it. And so he reached out to my disciple leader's husband and my disciple leader and told them to tell Faye to call him. And then he told him tell him about the position. And I'm sitting there like bro, I have no background in this position, I've never heard of this company, I don't know who you are. So this is weird. And I'm just like, okay, hear the man out and just go.
Speaker 1:And so I talked to the man. He told me what God had said and I'm sitting there like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear you, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm just, you know, trying to be cordial but trying to get him off the phone just to tell my disciple leader and her husband. I did the call, thank y'all, and so he's talking. We finished the conversation immediately, y'all.
Speaker 1:My disciple leader called me back and was like hey, did you talk to him? Yes, y'all, why y'all being so weird? I talked to him and I tell him yes, we talked to him. He offered me a job. I don't know if I'm gonna take it, because it's kind of taking me off my path. I'm not sure if this is what I should do, because it's not quite what I wanted. Like you know, I'm trying to be a lawyer. Like, what are you? Are you talking? What are you saying? I got an amazing job, it's amazing law firm. Why would I go over here? It's great money, great position. But I'm like I don't know. I don't even know how to do the job. But he said that God told him to hire faith, and so my disciplinary was like listen, don't, don't shut it down, go to the interview and just see what he says. So I'm just sitting here like, okay, just being obedient.
Speaker 1:So sometimes you got to trust your man and woman to God. You have to have spiritual parents, pastors, spiritual shepherds to help you walk this journey out. That's why I'm so big on, when you're dating, accountability and community. These are your tools to make it. If you don't have community and accountability, you will find yourself messed up. I mean messed up, baby, I mean in a predicament. You see what I'm saying. And so you gotta have these people watching out for you, not just to keep you out the sex bed, because that's a big one some of y'all be sleeping around, but also to help you when god's ready for that thing. To you know it's god's ready for to move you into a new season. And so they're calling me talk to the.
Speaker 1:I go to my job that day and all of a sudden he calls and say hey, can you get out here to Collierville? I'm in Memphis. Can you go out to Collierville, tennessee, for the interview? See you today at 1230. I only did the interview, y'all, just to get them off my back. I went out to the interview in my work clothes that I already had on, my suit and stuff, went out there just to tell them no, I don't want it, but just to say I did it. I go out there, great conversation. He was like whatever money you need, not a problem, I'm just sitting there, y'all just dumbfounded, and sometimes when God moves, you're gonna be dumbfounded and I don't even know why I'm going this route and so this gonna have to be in another episode, clearly, because I'm probably not gonna make it through it. But it's okay. Um, I'm dumbfounded, I'm just having a conversation.
Speaker 1:The ceo is amazing. The company is absolutely incredible. I went and I researched the company so I won't just be totally blind about it. They were shocked that I went and researched and did my little due diligence on it and they were like listen, you the one. And I'm looking like I don't know about that, and so I get in the car like Faye, I don't want to hear yes or no, cause I'm guessing he already can kind of feel I wasn't really feeling it, cause I'm like I'm trying to be a lawyer. I don't know what this is, but this is random. I'm trying to be a lawyer, though All I can think of lawyer.
Speaker 1:Baby God, I'm gonna do what God calls you to do. So what did God call you to do? If you focus in on what he called you to do, you would not be so messed up about who ain't checking for you, about finding the perfect person, about there's a limited pool. There's no such thing as limit and limitation in the kingdom of God. Let me say it again there's no such thing as lack and limitation in the kingdom of God. And so if God wants you to have that spouse, guess what that spouse is coming. It don't matter if you got to bring him for 10 bucks too, if you got to bring him from Africa, if you got to bring him from China, it don't matter. When God's ready for you to be married and find that spouse, he's going to position it baby, and when God set it up. That would be no denying.
Speaker 1:I remember when people would tell me Faye, let God write your love story. I'm sitting like shut up. You don't understand. How would you know you married? Whatever? Tell that to somebody else. I don't want to hear it. But that is the real. That's real talk. That's like the truth. That is the truth.
Speaker 1:I stopped worried about finding the perfect person. When is somebody going to want me? I stopped attending my own pity party and I waited for God. I said, father, you see my heart. I want a spouse, but this just suck. These men just want to have sex with me. These men just want to take advantage of me. These men just want to use me. These men don't even see me the way you see me, and so it's like no, no, no Faith. You got to get lost in your identity and me. You got to get caught up in what God's called you to do in this season so you won't be distracted, so you won't grow discouraged, so you can see what God's called you to do. And y'all I did that. Get this call.
Speaker 1:I go to the interview. I go driving away from the interview. I get home, I'm praying like God what is this God? What's happening? And my spiritual leaders at that time they were like, hey, like you need to take this serious. I'm like, bro, yeah, I don't know what you're talking about, and sometimes you don't think your spiritual leaders know what they're talking about. But trust me, they do. They know better than you know because they the Lord's, the Lord's allowing them to lead you the. I go home.
Speaker 1:I get a call from the CEO again. He says listen, I know what God told me. But at the end of the day, I know you gotta make the decision. I want you to pray, I want you to ask God don't give me an answer until Monday. I'm like what type of craziness is this? And that's how you know God is in it, because God just laid it out so smoothly. The money wasn't an issue, the dates I would need wouldn't be an issue.
Speaker 1:The position y'all was one of the top positions in that company. Like, like, I was going to be doing international business, I was going to be building and be a part of this international movement, I was going to be a part of this million, multimillion dollar company. And I'm like I don't even have a degree or nothing in this and they just welcomed me in. And all of a sudden I'm praying, seeking God over the weekend. I'm like okay, god, what is this God? What are you saying to me? Why are my disciple leader and her husband blowing me up? And why was I in this man's? Why did you tell him to call me? And the Lord said ding dong, faye, listen, you did know the company exists. You didn't even know nothing about the position. You never even met this man who's offering you the position. Don't you think that's coincidence? I'm like yeah, I know, lord, god's like it's not coincidence, fool, it's me. And I'm like, oh, my bad, I'm sorry, lord, is this you? And God was like, yes, it's me, faith, I need you to quit your job. And y'all I'm like, uh-uh, I ain't got to Now. Sometimes y'all this is another lesson Sometimes God calls you to pivot.
Speaker 1:You got to be able to trust God in the pivot. When God is calling you into a pivot, it's going to be scary, it's going to be very uncertain and you're going to have a lot of questions like, bro, like I know you told me to do this, but now you're saying do this. Can God trust you when he says, hey, let me see that for a second? I know I gave that to you, but let me get that back off you real quick. Let me move you over here. Can God use you in any way he sees fit? Can God move you to where he needs you? Can God call you to do a hard stop and go somewhere else? That was hard for me.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to lie, and I remember one of my amazing friends here in Memphis. She's an attorney, her name is Erin. I told her about what was happening and she knew I wanted to be a lawyer so bad. I'm like, oh my God, I'm so close, I'm inside of an amazing company. I know that once I finished law school I got a job. It's got everything set up, everything's like beautifully laid out, and Erin pulled me out of office.
Speaker 1:And Erin's usually not serious with me. We really like that's my girl, my sister, and she's like Faye, what is wrong with you? And I'm like what are you saying? I'm like what, what in the world? And she pulled me out of office. She like went outated me. She was like why do you want to be a lawyer? And I'm like I want to help people. You want to help people. Well, let me tell you something Faye, being a lawyer is great, but this is what you're going to do. And she just literally y'all.
Speaker 1:God used her in that moment to help open my eyes, to see like so much life is so much bigger than that little bitty plan that you're holding on to so tight. And if you hold on to something so tight that God can't trust you to let it go or release it in his time, you're gonna miss out on what God's calling you to do. And I don't know why we're here, but I've sensed some of y'all. God's calling y'all to release something and y'all are holding on to it like it's yours. It all belongs to the king at the end of the day, and if he cannot trust you to obey him in every pivot, in every season, in every step guess what? You aren't trustworthy, can't trust you with the little, he will not trust you with the big. You're praying for this beautiful family, but God can't even trust you to honor him in these little bitty things.
Speaker 1:A family is a huge undertaking. When you become a wife or a husband, don't you understand what that one that's going to look like, don't you understand the weight of that? Like God's going to bring into this world an entirely new creation called your children and you're going to be directly responsible for those babies. And God's going to do a new thing in that relationship, in that family. This will be a branch of a family that's never existed. So you got to understand that. You got to begin to trust God, even in the little.
Speaker 1:And so she went to the side and she straight up roasted your girl. And I'm sitting there like so, so puzzled Cause I'm like what they all know I want to be a lawyer. Why are they tripping. And then I got roasted by Aaron in the best way. Oh no, I want to be a lawyer, why are they tripping? And then I got roasted by Aaron in the best way. Okay, and then I tell the senior partner what's happening. I'm like, hey, this is what's happening. You know, I'm trying to seek and I don't have my man and woman of God said, but I still, I'm still trying to get confirmation somewhere else. Crazy.
Speaker 1:And so I go to the senior partner of the law firm and I tell him and he loves me so much, I love him too he's an amazing attorney, one of the most powerful attorneys here in this area. Okay, this man is absolutely incredible. And so I tell him what's happening. I tell him the, the salaries to be expected. I tell him what's laid out. He'd say, fam, tell you something. If you don't go and just just go and find out, I'm gonna have to beat you up myself. I'm like he was the biggest reason why he was my biggest cheerleader becoming an attorney. And now he's telling me to go find out he was they, they all literally came to me like a lot of those attorneys start coming to me like faye, we heard the opportunity that that just came your way. And these are secular people y'all. This ain't even kingdom people. Really. They can't even like. Listen, being a lawyer will always be here. You can always come back, we'll always have an office for you. But you need to go and just figure out what is this and the amount of money they're going to pay you. You better go. And so I went. I was like you know what my disciple leader in them said go. My coworkers in them said go, I'm going to go.
Speaker 1:Day one I met my husband. I walk in y'all. I walk into the new office I'm the only Black girl that I see and I'm like, oh okay, but I knew the CEO was a mighty man of God. I knew I was safe. I knew he had been very strategic in choosing somebody to fill his position and I love my management team. I love everybody who was there.
Speaker 1:It was a beautiful, beautiful time and the first day I got there I'm a little nervous, but I get in there y'all and I walk into the kitchen to put my lunch away and there stands Jamie, the man that will become my husband, and literally my husband began to pursue me. It wasn't long. When he met me he said he'll tell you cause he's gonna be on some of these episodes. He'll tell you that when I met my wife, I knew she was my wife, me, my foolish self. I was like he fine, he looks really good, but he probably don't like black girls Long did I know? Lo and behold, I was his one, he was my one.
Speaker 1:And so I say all that to say trust God. I thought the pool was limited. I thought, oh my God, no man out here. All the good men are taking Shut your crazy mouth Because you are word cursing. But God's trying to bless you. Begin to pray for your husband. You begin to say God, I thank you for my husband. I thank you that you're going to send him. I thank you for blessing me with this mighty man of God. I thank you, lord, that you are protecting and keeping him. Lord, raise him up. God, use him. Stop cursing what God's called bless. Stop speaking doubt. When you need to speak, faith, most of y'all live out of fear. Stop that From today. I break that off for you in the name of Jesus, so you can go forth and speak what only God said to speak. Lord, I have a desire to be a wife. I have a desire to be a husband and, although it looks impossible, nothing is impossible with you, god. So, lord, I'm going to give this into your hands and I'm going to allow you to lead and guide me.
Speaker 1:And the Lord literally took me out of my industry, out of the legal field, and dropped me into business, international business to be exact. I became a purchaser and I began to just learn who my husband was. And, granted, I'm going to talk about a different episode, but I'm going to teach you how to date, because most of y'all don't know how to date. And I learned how to date biblically during that, because my husband was a virgin. My husband had never kissed a girl, had never nothing. My husband was like, virgin in his 30s, loved Jesus. And one thing for you men you hang on to what God told you to hang on to you trust that word. Because my husband trusted God. He trusted God with all his might and he waited. He was faithfully committed to the father and he made up his mind that even if he had to die a virgin, he was going to do that because it will honor his God, and God honored him y'all. And because of his sacrifice, because of my husband's willingness to do what God called him to do.
Speaker 1:In the word of God, I was able to enjoy the blessing of what it's like to marry as a virgin. I was able to just come underneath his covering and just really just be. My husband's watched me in the word of the Lord. My husband's helped heal so many wounds that was caused by my out of orderness Me out there trying to get my man by myself when I could have just waited on the Lord. My husband's helped heal so many wounds that was caused by my out of orderness Me out there trying to get my man by myself. But I could have just waited on the Lord. And so, men, do not be discouraged. God has your wife out there. Understand me, your wife is out there and you better pray and you better believe and you better continue to search and you better be diligent in your Bible and you better seek the Lord. Because when I tell you when God's ready, he ready.
Speaker 1:When my husband saw me, he said he knew my husband literally pursued me for like, I got there November 7th 2017. We became boyfriend and girlfriend February 1st 2018. We got engaged August 31st 2017. 2018, we got married March 17, 2019. Yeah, when your man wants you, baby, you ain't got. You ain't got to try to figure out. Oh, I'm trying to figure out. Do he like me? Do he like me? Let me see, let me check these clues. Girl bye, when a man wants you, there won't be no doubt. When a man truly wants you, there would be no speculation. He gonna make it so clear. You're gonna be like girl when I tell y'all this, y'all gonna find out.
Speaker 1:When we were dating me, my man, my husband now my man, damn, but we were dating. We wasn't doing all that, cut that kissing, touching all that right there, my husband was, was a virgin. I was scared because I was like lord, I ain't going to hell for messing up his virginity. Lord, we got to keep him where he at, and so he just would pursue me. He took me breakfast, lunch and dinner almost every day during our dating period. I'm not even kidding Breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. Breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. He was so intentional, he was very, very mindful of the interview process. He asked me a thousand questions. He had so many questions. He was so loving, he was so serving, and that's called the grace to pursue.
Speaker 1:And so, men, we try to understand. When God sends you, when you see that good thing, when God lets you see her and women. You got to stop trying to make a man be your man. God going to show him. When you the man, when you the one, okay, let the man be the man. You try to drag him out ain't going to get him there faster. You got to sit back and trust God and we accept the invitation. We ain't out there saying be my husband, what's wrong with you? Sit down, let the man be the man, let him pursue you.
Speaker 1:A man loves a good chase. Give him something to chase, give him something to do, let him hunt. Real men love to hunt. And I know it's like oh my God, it's 2024. Baby, it's called principles. Principles don't change. We might think in 2024 that everything different is not. It's not okay. There's nothing new under the sun. A real man likes a chase. So stop just laying down. Oh my god, be my man. No, pick yourself up, get cute, go somewhere, have fun. Stop trying to do too much.
Speaker 1:Okay, the last part I want to go before we go the standards and expectations. We said make sure you have good, strong standards. Standards have to be in place. The standards must be biblical. Most y'all women are looking for jesus, jesus, jesus got a wife. It's called the bride of christ, the church, okay. And so you gotta have at least I always say, make a list of 10. What are your 10 non-negotiables? Five are non-negotiables. The other five are, um, negotiable. Let me reset that. You got to make a list of at least 10 things you want on your husband. Five of those need to be non-negotiables. Those are top five. The last five we can live with it. We can live without it.
Speaker 1:The next part of this is purity. Culture pressures. Your identity is not in your between your. You know privacy. Your identity is not your virginity or your lack thereof. I really, really had a hard time because I wasn't a virgin and I know that the Bible said you need to be a virgin, and so I felt shame and I want to release you today if you feel shame about not being a virgin. God died for that, he redeemed that, he set you free. Okay, Now don't be out there tipping and dipping because God made you new.
Speaker 1:Okay, and I'm telling you, your husband gonna enjoy you if you wait for him, but you, as a virgin, you better not be ashamed of being a virgin. You'd be proud. But your identity cannot be caught up in your virginity. Your identity must be Jesus, same as the person who don't have the virginity. Your virginity or your lack thereof cannot be your identity. The pressures of that will crush you because if you lose it or if you give it away because you don't lose it but you give it away, if you give it away you will find yourself going through depression, going through all types of anxiety, feeling worthless. You will find yourself crushed if you put your whole identity and validation on that. We must put our identity and hope in Jesus and not let the purity cultural pressure force you into a marriage, because out of that comes people getting married, that they ain't ready to get married.
Speaker 1:You want to have sex. Don't be marrying nobody. Because you want to have sex and you want to say you know we better marry than to burn. That's in the Bible, but that's called when you ain't got no other options. But you got to understand there's consequences that come from that. When you skip over all these other steps, skip over all these other principles and you say well, I just wanted to have sex and we got married, so we can be doing it. You know, holy. Okay, good luck with that, because y'all from the experience, once the sex is done, what y'all got then are y'all really compatible or y'all both just hot for each other?
Speaker 1:I'm in a whole nother episode. I kind of meant everywhere today. I don't understand why the holy spirit be shifting me, but that's part one of when dating and wedding feels impossible, and so I thank y'all so much for y'all time. Today I went 35 minutes, oh my god. Um, thank you for your time. I love y'all so much.
Speaker 1:The book is out, and so I want y'all for y'all time. I love y'all so much the book is out, and so I want y'all to go and Google it. Go to Amazon, it's there, and I want y'all to order that book. 10 Reasons why I Hate Christian Dating. You're gonna be so blessed. We also have the Christian Dating Collective.
Speaker 1:I want you guys to join this because you're gonna be able to come into like a space and ask those questions and allow somebody, a community and me to walk with you. We're going to bring in experts. We're going to bring in people to really help you not lose heart. So many people are watching. Give up on getting married, but they give up on love. They begin to settle and just go get with somebody, because that person wants to be with them. Not you, in the name of Jesus, but I love y'all. Y'all should like subscribe, share this podcast with all your friends. Okay, this is just a space where we're gonna honor God in our bodies. We're gonna honor God in our dating. So thank you so much for joining the Christian Dating Talk Studio. I love you all. Y'all take care.