Christian Dating Talk
Christian Dating Talk
How to Deal With Sexual Temptation
After years of wrestling with the challenges of maintaining purity while dating, I've discovered that faith and obedience to God can truly lead to triumph over temptation. Join me, Faye, as I share personal experiences and biblical insights that illuminate the path to overcoming sexual temptations in the dating world. We'll unravel stories like those of David and Bathsheba, and Joseph and Potiphar's wife, to understand how crucial it is to resist and flee from situations that may lead us into sin.
This episode reveals how fasting, prayer, and scripture can transform your dating life into one that glorifies God. Discover the profound impact of renewing your mind with key scriptures such as Romans 12:2 and 1 Corinthians 10:13, empowering you to align your life with biblical standards. Through my own journey, I emphasize the vitality of building a robust spiritual foundation, one that fortifies your spirit and helps you navigate the often-turbulent waters of relationships while maintaining a holy lifestyle.
We'll also address the natural struggle with temptation, offering practical advice on setting boundaries and choosing spiritually enriching relationships. With an invitation to join our Covenant Crew membership, you’ll find a supportive community ready to walk alongside you without judgment. Together, let's prioritize our relationship with God, break free from the grip of lust and soul ties, and renew our dedication to living a life that honors Him.
Hello, hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to another episode of the Christian Dating Talk. I am your host, faye, your auntie, your big sis, the one that's looking out for you to make sure that you do not. You do not begin to sabotage and, even worse, lower your standards of biblical holiness in dating. Lower your standards of biblical holiness in dating, because I firmly believe that you can date kingdom and still do it God's way. No matter what the culture says, you can do it God's way. And so today we just going to hop right into it.
Speaker 1:I've oh, before I jump into it, I want to thank you all just for the fan mail. I've been reading the emails, getting the fan mail and it's meant so much to me, so y'all keep it coming. I'm just so honored just to be walking with you. I want to encourage you just to hang in there. You are not alone in this struggle, in this whole dating situation. We're going through okay and there is victory in this through Christ. So I want some of you guys to hear me say be encouraged, because the Lord is with you, he's not forgotten you, he's not forsaken you, and I know you may be like Faye I'm too old. Faye, I'm just tired or Faye, I don't know. But you got to trust me. Our God is with us, even when it seems like it's hopeless. We might as well give up. I don't want you to surrender, I want you to keep fighting. Okay, because God got a plan, god got a purpose, god got something in store just for you, a spouse in store just for you. And we got to also remember that the goal to dating is Jesus. Okay, I know that may sound crazy, but literally everything that we're doing in our life, the goal is to become more like Christ. And so if you're not quite dating to become more like Christ and your sole goal is just to feel good, you know, have a little boo thing next to you, you probably off, you probably going to be willing to compromise, because everything in your life, whether you eat or drink it, should definitely be as unto the Lord. And when I was dating I'm going to be real I wasn't even on that. When I was dating, I was trying to get my boo and get my bag. I'm going to be real. But the Lord had to allow me to come to the end of myself and begin to acknowledge him in all my ways. And once I surrendered baby. God allowed my path and my husband paths to cross, and now, almost six years later, we have been married next month, six years. And so don't tell me what God can't do, don't tell me how God can't redeem a situation, no matter where you at.
Speaker 1:And so y'all, let me get back on topic I want to talk about today understanding and overcoming sexual temptations. I want to talk about how do you deal with the sexual temptation that's out here, because there ain't no game, and so the first thing we need to really define is what is a temptation? And so I need to make this really clear To be tempted is not a sin, so it's not a sin to be tempted. Jesus was tempted too. We find this in Hebrews, verse four I mean chapter four, verse 15, where Jesus was tempted in all things right, but he didn't succumb to none of them. And, granted, I can hear some of y'all already talking right now Well, I'm not Jesus, faye, whatever, but you're supposed to be becoming more like Christ, and so, on your journey to become more like Christ, you need to be fighting against and standing against those temptations and resisting the enemy, because he has to flee. And so the enemy knows your weakness. He knows our weaknesses and he's going to try to use those against you. And so what you got to really understand and begin to learn that there is a difference between temptation and sin.
Speaker 1:Temptations become sin when you act on it, you hear me, when you act on it or entertain it with impure thoughts. And so you begin to imagine, you begin to feel it. It's almost like, it's almost like you put your hand in the cookie jar before it's even in there you can see it in your mind. That's when you really about to mess up. Okay, and so I want to make sure that I'm very clear that to be tempted is not to sin.
Speaker 1:But once you act or you begin to like, almost like, you can feel it, you can see it, and you start to have inferior thoughts. You start to do little stuff like masturbation and pornography. That's when we sent in bro, and so examples of this we see in they with david and bathsheba, according to second samuel, chapter 11, and you also see verses. You see david with bathsheba. He, like you know, he saw her, and so david would back shiva. He saw her and he acted on it, and that's in second Samuel, chapter 11, right, and so we see where David sinned and literally killed a man for his wife and just straight up, boy went for it. But you see in over here in Genesis 39, where Joseph fleed Potiphar's wife, and so you see two people in a sexual situation, and one decided to flee and the other one decided to go head first. Which one of you? Which one are you?
Speaker 1:And so I want you to make a decision today that you will begin to resist the devil. You will begin to one be true to yourself and two run, get up out of there. You ain't got no business to be late night caking at the movies, hanging out all that when you know you got a sin that's trying to kill you. Stop trying to hug and nurture and love on a flesh that hates you. Stop trying to babysit with demons. Like, stop doing this foolishness. A lot of times we put ourselves in these situations and then we're like God, where are you? I'm in the same place. You left me when you drifted off down there with a little jujube corn, okay. And so I need for us to make up our mind that we're going to begin to one know the difference between I'm being tempted here, get out of dodge. And two I'm willfully sinning. Okay, and so let's hop on to the next phase of this Biblical strategies to overcoming these temptations. Right and so?
Speaker 1:Number one you got to guard your heart. You have to guard your heart, according to Proverbs, chapter four, verse 23,. Above all else do you hear me? Do you hear me? Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. So you got to be mindful that what you watch, what you listen to and engage in as far as social media music movies, it don't matter, y'all getting on TikTok and all these different apps and just doom scrolling. You're going to find yourself into a situation, right? You're going to find yourself being tempted even more because you're not guarding your eye gates. You got to begin to guard your eyes, guard your ears, guard what you're hearing, guard who you talking to, guard who you listening to.
Speaker 1:Okay, number two you got to know your triggers. You have to know your triggers, baby. You got to be real with yourself. You know the type of type you like. You got to be real with yourself. Do you hear me? You know what you like. You know your type. You know the one that's got you caught up Some of y'all single mama, single days, because that type they got you caught up and you ain't got no boundaries. You ain't got no alerts to say it's time to get up and you ain't got no boundaries. You ain't got no like like like alerts to say it's time to get up and run.
Speaker 1:And so you got to begin to identify the situations, the people and the emotions that make you vulnerable, because all of us got some vulnerabilities. Baby, you can't be out here acting like I'm gonna read my bible and pray, and most of y'all ain't got no fast in life. Most of y'all can't even pray 10 minutes. I'm gonna be honest. And so you gotta get stronger than lord, but you but that that's that's. It's a. It's a little bit more to that. Okay, you gotta be stronger than lord, but you also gotta be real to yourself and don't put yourself in these situations where you can fall prey into these different things.
Speaker 1:And so how you gonna do that? You need to avoid being alone in a tempting situation, and I ain't gotta get all the way into it. You already know what tempts you. You know your appetite, you know who you like, you know how a certain cologne or perfume gets your nose wide open. You know what that is. So stop playing yourself. You need to have no late night deep conversations that stir your emotions. What you doing? Of course you about to have sex because you have opened yourself completely up to someone, just really just getting into your heart. And now you meditate and you thinking about oh my God, what does this? This is my booze, my man, this is my, whatever. You need to guard it, baby, and you need to have accountability with trusted mentors or friends. Who do you got talking to you? Who do you have as somebody who could call you out? You gotta be open and let people call you out in your mess.
Speaker 1:Okay, the next thing, how you gonna deal and how to handle and manage when you walking through these sexual temptations is you gotta understand the power of fasting and praying. Bro, that was that. That's something that I don't think us believers really take into account. Where we uh, we think we can get by just on our little Sunday, go to church. Maybe we might pick the Bible up during the week, might not, but we don't know. We don't necessarily be committed to a lifestyle of fasting and praying. And I believe in your single season, even though I can be real in my single season.
Speaker 1:I didn't like, honestly, have the honor and the you know, the knowledge and the. I didn't take it serious, the fasting and the praying which led your girl to being a single mama. Let me say it again when I was single, when I was in my single, ready to mingle days, I did not take fasting and praying serious. I was one of those Christians who would go to church get a good word and I didn't pick that Bible up until next Sunday. I might forget it, matter of fact. I didn't forget it because I put the Bible up on the back of you know the little river mirror. I had the Bible up on top of my seats of you know the little, the little, your little river mirror. I had the bible up on top of my seats and so I would. I would pick the bible up and take it into church. I would read that word I was at fellowship Memphis then I would read as a preacher was reading, but that was far as your girl did it, baby.
Speaker 1:And you know what? I had a weak prayer life, no type of fasting life, weak word life, no type of real deep intimacy with the father, and so of course I was praying to sexual sin? Of course I was. I was easy. Flesh wicked in a mug can't withstand no temptation, of course. And so Jesus said that some struggles require prayer and fasting. And why we think. What do we think Jesus be be playing? Jesus ain't playing with you, jesus trying to tell you what's good, he's trying to tell you what's up. And so you gotta be understand that fasting, when you begin to fast, it weakens the flesh, the flesh and strengthens your spirit. And if you're trying to date and stay holy and do it according to biblical standards, you better get you a prayer in a fasting life, you better have deep roots of intimacy with the Lord, because I'm telling you that sexual temptation is nothing to be played with, but fasting and praying and a strong relationship with the Father boy will get you through it. Okay, it will get you through it. Let's keep going.
Speaker 1:Next, you got to renew your mind with scripture. You must renew your mind with scripture, okay. And so, according to Romans, chapter 12, verse 2, do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. And so I'm challenging you. If you're on a path where you're dating, you want to date, or you considering like man. God, I got this hunger and it starts just to. I want to be married, right? I want to really ask you to begin to memorize and declare different scriptures that God put into your life and really just those type of scriptures really help you be able to walk in holiness, to be able to help you conform your mind and renew your mind according to the word of God.
Speaker 1:And so the scriptures to memorize and declare over your singleness is go look these up. First, corinthians, chapter 10, verse 13. God provides a way out of temptation. Did you hear me? So? First, corinthians, 10, 13,. God provides a way out of temptation. Memorize the scripture, because when you win that, when you win the hot seat, when you're hot all over, baby, and you like I don't know what I'm gonna do, I don't want to do it, my god about to fall. No, god provides a way of escape. Look for the escape. What's the escape? Is y'all bump heads or or or you're tripping, fall. It can be the smallest little thing to throw off the mood. That's your time to run.
Speaker 1:The second scripture you need to to memorize in order to be able for Holy Spirit to bring to your remembrance in those places, in those hot seats is 2 Timothy 2, chapter 2, verse 22. Flee youthful lust. Holy Spirit going to be yelling this in your spirit to get out of there, because he promised to always provide a way of escape. Some of y'all don't want the way of escape. Some of y'all don't want the way of escape. Some of y'all look for the way of escape and you still walk through the door.
Speaker 1:That's called willful sin. I tell people straight up. I'm like listen, I thought I knew what I wanted and I thought my baby daddy was my husband and I was like you know what? We're going to get married anyways. How many of that is y'all? How many of that is y'all? How many of y'all can be real? You said we're going to get married anyways. I mean we can go and do it because we don't get married anyways.
Speaker 1:Ended up looking stupid. Because you got to understand there's consequences that come with your actions, like when you do willful sin. It's no longer just sin, that's called an iniquity, a transgression, it's like levels to sin. I don't think you really understand that, bro, and so you got to really begin to ask God to illuminate your heart. Are you trying to find ways around and shortcuts to be able to bend and adjust the scripture to fit your narrative, to fit your lustful flesh, or are you willing to cut it off and kill it? Because that flesh ain't coming with you to heaven and so it's not going to try to get you out of that position. But you got to be willing to stand your ground spiritually and stand up and run for your life. Get up out of there. Flee you flesh.
Speaker 1:The next scripture I want you to memorize so that these can come up in those places of sexual temptation Galatians, chapter 5, verse 16. Walk by the spirit and not by the flesh. Say it again Galatians 5, verse 16 is another scripture you need to memorize and declare, because this scripture teaches us to walk by the spirit and not by the flesh. And, like I said earlier, most of us got a weak prayer life, no, fasting life, we don't read our Bible and yet we think we got a chance when it comes to being sexually tempted. I'm telling you, your flesh don't care nothing about you trying to walk holy. It's going to fight you every step of the way, but you got to weaken it. You got to begin to use spiritual tools and weapons to be able to gain that ground and keep yourself out of sexual temptation, okay. And so I need you to begin to ask the Father just to really walk with you and help you, because this is not a game. This is not a game, y'all.
Speaker 1:When I was dating, I literally thought that I was exempt. Some of y'all you may think yeah, fair, I hear what you got to say, but it ain't what happened to me. I'm strong enough, I don't need to hear all this. Babe, let me tell you something. I thought I was strong enough. I never in my life thought I would become a single mom that was making disciples, like literally straight Christian making disciples walking with people telling them to stay out of these hotbeds, sexual sin. And here I go, and now I'm a single mom living behind a hospital in Memphis, tennessee.
Speaker 1:I never thought that I'd be my life and most of y'all saying it won't be me. You see, you see, the problem is you think you special, you think it's not gonna be you, and so you're gonna continue to dance around that fire and eventually that fire gonna grip you and it's gonna literally like, destroy your, almost destroy your entire life If God don't intervene. And granted, our God is a redeemer and our God will restore. But me walking into that willful sin of sexual sin like that, totally derailed, almost derailed my complete destiny. God was able to redirect me and put me back into position and put me back into realignment, but it was not God's will for me to become a homeless single mom. It was not God's will for me, my actions to put my little girl into a space where she had to sleep in the back of a car. You think that was God's will?
Speaker 1:And see what we do is we go out and we having sex and we do what we want to do, and then we want to point our finger. When life gets real, when the consequences start to happen, you want to point fingers at God. Where are you? You see, I don't talk to God like that because you know. God, baby, let me tell you something. You cannot be acting like. You know you got lordship with the king, but you refuse to be obedient to him, but you want to hold him responsible for your stupid consequences. It refuse to be obedient to him, but you want to hold him responsible for your stupid consequences. It don't work like that and I know I'm coming hard. That's because I want you to get it. I don't want any of y'all to fall like I did. I fell so hard, y'all, I fell so hard on my face, like to this day. That was probably the hardest fall of my life spiritually.
Speaker 1:The the me walking into that sexual sin. I knew the scripture, I was making disciples, I was going to church, I was doing all the Christianity things, but I did not give God complete lordship of my dating and romantic life and that led me down a path of becoming a homeless, single mom, totally messing up, like so many things in my life. Like if it wasn't for the grace of God, y'all, I cannot tell you where I would be. And I'm here right now talking to you because I'm trying to warn you Like. I know you think you slick, I know you think you got this under control. I know you think oh ain't no thing. But I'm telling you it is a thing.
Speaker 1:Your flesh ain't on your team. You ain't got as much control over your flesh as you think you do. You think you strong enough, don't you? You don't even understand. Your sin is like a roaring lion seeking for an opportunity to devour you and you playing with it. You out here playing with the fire and think you're not going to get burned.
Speaker 1:I'm telling you run from sexual sin, I don't care. I don't care if you got to hurt his feelings, I don't care if you got to dump them and ghost them. I'm sorry, but your walk with Jesus is more important than someone else's feelings. Your eternal salvation is more important than a life of hell. You got to understand the eternity of hell. You got to understand and count up the cost, like what happens if you say, well, I'm just going to, you know, I'm not going to take this serious, I'm going to continue to do what I want to do.
Speaker 1:And then, all of a sudden, you're in a bed with little Jerome, you having sex and got rapture time. What happens? I'm telling you ain't nobody hell fine. Ain't nobody hell fine. You hear me, ain't nobody hell fine. Period. Okay, so let's keep going. And so how do you? How do we make this practical? I want to give you some practicality before we shift.
Speaker 1:Okay, and so, practically, you need to pace the relationship. When you practice in sexual purity in dating, when you are really trying to practice biblical dating and that's nothing less than sexual purity in dating you need to begin to pace the relationship. Stop rushing emotional and physical intimacy. Stop rushing what you rushing, for you need to do it the way God said. Do it Because the Lord is the one who made sex. He made this whole relationship thing, so he told us how it's supposed to go. We can trust that our God is good and obey him. Okay.
Speaker 1:Number two you want to avoid too much spiritual intimacy. Okay, there's nothing wrong with going to corporate worship together. But I firmly believe which you can doubt, you, you can reject, you want to. You know I ain't god, do your thing. But when you are opening up and talking about all these deep revelations and all that stuff right there, it can produce a deep emotional bun that will make sexual temptation harder to resist, and so you want to limit, you want to be Now. I'm not saying hold off, but what I am saying is you need a happy pace in your relationship, emotionally and physically, y'all both talking to each other about all these deep spiritual revelations.
Speaker 1:Go, get you a discipleship group and talk about that stuff. You can talk about it, but it needs to be in a group setting, okay, and accountability partners. You need to have a mentor, small group pastor who checking in on you and, lastly, you got to have a prayer life. A prayer life is essential. No prayer, baby, it's over for you, game over.
Speaker 1:If you're not talking to God, temptation will talk louder. Did you hear me? If you're not talking to God, temptation will talk louder. Did you hear me? If you're not talking to the king, that temptation will speak way louder. Period, okay, and so how do you overcome Overcoming the past mistakes? It's a real thing. How do you overcome and begin to walk in it? Okay, listen to me. When you're overcoming, like you ain't a virgin. You had sex before and now you want to walk in that grace. You need to understand that God's grace is still available. Did you hear me? If you've already fallen into sexual sin, god's grace is still available, and that's seen in 1 John 1, verse 9.
Speaker 1:You need to repent, renew your your mind and start fresh with the king. Do not allow shame to keep you from moving forward, because God is in the business of restoration. The Lord will restore you, the Lord will make you new. Let me tell you something. I became a single mom. I thought it was over, baby. I was like who gonna date me? But little did I know. God had a man that he created on an island called Haiti and he was preserving him and God was washing me and making me new.
Speaker 1:On my wedding day, y'all I remember the entire theme of my wedding was redeemed. It was no dry eye in the building on my wedding day because it was the story of redemption, how God took this girl who literally fell face first ain't gonna lie walked into sexual sin and became a single mom, totally almost derailing my entire destiny. But God God who was so faithful gave me another opportunity to get it together and I took the opportunity. And so some of y'all, I need to call you up and tell you repent, renew your mind, get started, walk in, holiness. Holiness is not a suggestion, it is essential, it's necessary. You hear me and so I want to encourage you.
Speaker 1:You're not alone, and that also temptation is common. Did you hear me? Temptation is common, but victory is possible. Listen to me, temptation will always come knocking. Temptation will always come and see and test you and see if you got any open doors, if you, if you got a little you know a little slink link up in you, if you really about that life with Jesus. But one thing I know when temptation come knocking, you ain't got an answer you can. You can, you can tell it to get on stepping. But temptation is a common thing, but victory in Jesus is possible. And stop thinking, because you're tempted, that you in sin. You're not in sin until you act on it or you begin to fester in a lot of thoughts, just to begin, just to live in your mind.
Speaker 1:And so God's grace is bigger than any struggle, and so I want you this week to to write down what are those triggers Three, what are those triggers and set at least three boundaries to protect your purity. And so I'm going to just pray for us in the name of Jesus, for us who are really trying and we're like Faye, this is hard. God got you. The Lord got you. Understand me, he's with you, he's sending this message to you so that you can know that there's a way of escape and that you can get up and walk in purity.
Speaker 1:You ain't got to stay down, and if your partner listen to me, listen to what I'm about to say If you date somebody and they leading you to the bedroom and not to the throne room and not to the prayer room, that ain't the person for you. Run away, get away. I don't care. I don't care about nobody's feelings. Ain't nobody held fine, did you hear me? Ain't nobody held fine? And so if this person, if I can't get past the good sex they give me, the good this they give me baby, that's the devil, that's a demon. And I need to run for my life because no one's hell fine and, and even more than that, like no one's worth the intimacy and the love and the just feeling, the presence of the most high God, no one's worth the anointing God can put on your life, no one's worth what God can bring into your life. I'm telling you, ain't no sex worth your close, intimate relationship with Jesus.
Speaker 1:And every time you allow sexual sin to happen in your life, I'm telling you, right now it's going to begin. It's almost like an acid. It degrades and eats away at the fabric and just the lining of your intimacy and of your value. It literally deteriorates you. I remember me having sex and before I can even finish I will feel so horrible. It's like conviction will just fall and just crush me. And that's some of y'all right now, because you know what you're doing is wrong, but you're a slave to it, and so I'm going to help you get free tonight.
Speaker 1:Father, god, in the mighty name of Jesus, I lift up my brother and my sister now and I ask that you just would allow them, lord, to feel your presence again. Lord, let them know that you are still for them. Victory is still possible, but they must repent, renew their minds and return to you full throttle, lord. They must begin to resist the enemy and resist those temptations, lord, and turn back to you. O God, father, forgive us for all sins committed against you. Lord, forgive us for thinking that this relationship is more valuable than a relationship with you.
Speaker 1:O God, father, we come against every spirit of lust. We break your power over their life. Now, in the name of Jesus, we come against all these soul ties. We ask you, father, to begin to break and crush these soul ties. That's keeping your people bound. In the name of Jesus, father, we thank you for making us pure before you.
Speaker 1:Oh God, we thank you for renewing our minds. We thank you, lord, just what you're doing through us in the earth. We repent, lord, for allowing anything and anybody to get between you and us and from this day forth, we make a decision, god, to follow you and trust you with all our hearts, with all our minds and with all our souls, lord, we will not allow a feeling, a sexual desire, a desire to be married, any of that to come in between our relationship with you, oh king, because, at the end of the day, at the end of the day, if these relationships are not bringing us close to you, oh god, there's no point to them at all. And so, lord, I thank you for my brothers and my sisters. Now, in jesus name, I pray amen, and so I just want to encourage you. I want you to know that God is for you. I want you to begin to remember those scriptures that we talked about.
Speaker 1:Go back and re-listen to this if you need to, and we'll definitely have more episodes on how to overcome sexual struggles, how to overcome lust, because it's a real thing. I want to also give you an invitation to join the Covenant Crew membership for accountability and deeper discussions and Q&As with my husband, and that way, we can walk with you. You don't have to walk alone. You can ask those awkward questions and you will not be judged Okay, and we're going to help you become closer to the Lord and be pure in who you are, as a kingdom daughter and kingdom son, and so I want to also ask you just to share this episode with a friend, leave a review and stay tuned for the next week's topic. Okay, y'all, I love y'all. Y'all have a good day, bye-bye.