Christian Dating Talk
Christian Dating Talk
WARNING!!! The Dangers of Leading People On! STOP NOW!
Oh, hello, hello. How's my people doing? I have not talked to y'all in a minute and for that I do apologize, but we here, we here and we're about to have this conversation. Okay, and so for y'all who don't know me, I am Shanika Faye, also known as Faye Marillion. I decided to start back going by my first name just because I missed it. So, yeah, that's that, but today it. So yeah, that's that, but today we're gonna talk about it.
Speaker 1:Um, I see too many christians that be slick, leading each other along, and a big reason why I want to talk about this is because somebody that I care about a whole lot and, granted, I haven't really like sat and just sat with them with this, but I can, I can sense some stuff been going on okay, and so this is brother in christ that I really love a lot, like. He's really dope, really great guy. Um, he liked this girl like a lot, right, like this girl a lot, and I believe personally that she let him on. Um, probably it could have been just needing someone to talk to. It could have been just needing someone to talk to. It could have been just needing companionship, just wanting food, entertainment, different things in that season, but I know for a fact he was really into her and he was pursuing her, but she played with him, and so a lot of times we don't deal with this type of stuff as believers. We kind of act like that don't happen, because we Christians that's my brother in Christ or that's my sister in Christ and so we're going to talk about it, we're going to get real in the get down about what this guy got to say about this, and so I want to talk about the dangers of leading people on. Ok, because that's not OK. It's not OK and I don't appreciate it. And I need you to understand what you're doing. One before I jump ahead of myself, let's go and get into it. And so what does it mean, because some of y'all may not even understand what I'm saying what does it mean to lead somebody on? Okay, so leading somebody on is when you give someone else a false hope, attention or emotional intimacy, okay, and so without the intention of truly pursuing a Christ-centered relationship with them.
Speaker 1:And so this can look many different ways. This can look like you flirt with somebody you're not interested in, because some of us just want to feel good for the moment. Some of us just need that little quick look. I still got it. That little pick me up, right. You just also look like entertaining DMs because you're bored or because you're lonely. Hmm, is that you? If it is, stop it, okay. This could also look like, um, something in my mouth. This is also like something like keeping someone emotionally invested when you know you're not serious.
Speaker 1:I see this happen so many times and we say, oh, it's my little brother in Christ, it's my sister in Christ. You know we're keeping it here, but really you're playing with people, okay. And so let's be real. Sometimes we do this to feel validated. Are you being real with yourself? Are you being real with the person that you're playing with? Are you really taking the image bearing this, because they are image bearer of the living king, serious, are you playing with them? Okay? And so you need to understand that when you're doing this to somebody, you plan with someone else's spouse. If you don't want that person, keep it moving, stop entertaining, stop taking a date, stop accepting inv, accepting invitations, ladies. If you don't want this person, man, stop pursuing. Stop giving out false signals, pseudo signals, when you're just trying to keep somebody in hand just in case the one you want don't work out. Stop doing that trash that's of the world. It's not biblical. But anyways, let me calm down because I get real fired up about this.
Speaker 1:Back to my story, my, my, this is somebody really do like value. This is a great guy and I pray to god that he finds his wife and um, but he's, he's very particular and he was. He was particularly interested in this girl and she could have easily just been like you know, not my type, or you know, just being up front. But she literally, just like you know, took the dates, took the meals, took all the stuff that he was giving and then ended up marrying somebody else. Have you been that person where you were just accepting someone else's offers while you were waiting for the one you wanted? Yep, I got an attitude. If you watch me on YouTube, I need you to see my eyeballs they popping out, because I need you to understand this is not okay. This is not okay. And if you think that this is okay, the problem is you, period, and I'm in your face. I'm coming hard, I'm coming strong because this is not okay.
Speaker 1:And you can also be the other person, the person that's being led on when you kind of know, holy Spirit, been kind of letting you know maybe this ain't the one for you, because there's not been no true intention set, there hasn't been any definitions really. And, granted, I know sometimes us Christian women we can get way too far ahead of ourselves. We can jump the gun, but if a man wants you, he's going to let you know. Fellas, if a girl wants you, she's going to be reading between the lines, over the line, overcritical about what you're saying because it matters, because she wants to know, okay. And so you got to really open your eyes and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you the motive behind this person that you are interested in, and if they're even a person for you. And so next we're going to.
Speaker 1:The Bible has a lot to say about this. Personally, I know I don't know everything, but I'm a girl who used to once be homeless, single mom. I literally, like, went through a lot of phases. I went through the single phase, single mom phase, dating, single mom phase, wife, okay, and so I know a little bit about what I'm talking about. Okay, I, I watched God heal me in so many different ways. I've been led on and I have led people on full transparency. So, and so I'm literally just giving you all a heads up, because you need to understand that you read what you sow, and what you sow is multiplied. The math of heaven is multiplication. And so it's not just no, look, look you, you, you doing something. There's no accountability, because we read what we sow and we got to be very careful about how we are handling God's people. So let's get into it. Okay, and so let's go to the word.
Speaker 1:Proverbs, chapter four, verse 23, says above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Okay, and so when you're not guarding someone else's heart, when you are stringing them along for your emotional comfort, for your free food, for whatever it is, that's a form of manipulation. Manipulation is about like witchcraft. Okay, I need you to hear me and I know I'm coming strong, but you need to understand something Like what you're doing does not come without a consequence. Okay, let's keep going.
Speaker 1:Philippians, chapter 2, verse 3, says do nothing out of a selfish ambitions. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourself. And so leading someone on is selfish. Yep, it's selfish. It says I care more about how you make me feel than I do about your heart. Okay, and now we're going to get into.
Speaker 1:We're going to take this another step further, because I need you to really understand the gravity of what you are doing, if you are the person that's leading people on or if you're being led on, and because some of us can play boo-boo the fool. Some of us can play like you know, we don't see those big old red flags like we don't see this person ain't got no real intentions to be with us. I'm just gonna be real. If a man dating you and he always talking about um, and I know, we're christian marriage, we're christian dating but if a man dating you, he's always talking about he want to make the next step of engagement or whatever, once he gets his finances right, especially if y'all sleeping together. He won't try to get his finances right while he was sleeping with you because he could get you pregnant. He can lead you to mess your whole life up, okay, and so all those excuses got to go out the door and we got to get to the nitty-gritty of the situation.
Speaker 1:We got to get to the facts. Why is this person not taking me serious? Why am I not taking this person serious. Is this a motive of selfishness? Am I really seeking and desiring the good that God has for them or am I trying to use them? You got to get honest.
Speaker 1:The only way you're going to be able to do what God's called you to do and to be that godly bride, that godly groom, is if you get real about this and then leading people on, especially calling yourself Christian dating, and you leading people on like listen, that's not okay. I'm going to finish my story as I'm going through this, because I'm really going to bring this home, because watching my brother walk through this and now he got a powerful prophetic word about future dating, but I can sense a fear in him. I can sense a root of fear inside of his heart and it's not okay because you're damaging someone else's husband. You're damaging someone else's wife. You're not respecting the fact that this is an image bearer of the living God. You are being selfish if you are leading someone on, if you're stringing them on, okay, let's keep going. And so why is this so dangerous?
Speaker 1:Okay, number one it causes confusion. Okay, god is not the author of confusion, period. Okay. And so if you are causing confusion, you are allowing the devil himself to use you as a tool. Good job. How you feel about that, that's terrible, repent.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's coming out of 1 Corinthians 14, verse 33, okay, and so leading someone on creates soul ties. Did you hear that when you're leading somebody on, you're creating a soul tie, bro? You're creating mixed signals and you're also creating a spiritual fall. They can't even really really, you know, because love is a little blinding. We don't really see the clear picture we have to have like leadership and someone to walk with us to help us navigate this stuff. That's why dating and accountability and community is so important, because when you date and you get real foggy, but when you're leading somebody on, you're causing the fog, you're causing the confusion and you're going to cause close soul ties that will have to be dealt with by somebody else. You're leaving a mess for someone else to have to deal with. That's not okay, okay.
Speaker 1:So, number two, it can lead to heartbreak and resentment. A mess, okay. And so you're not just talking to someone, okay, you're creating an expectation. Did you hear me? Emotional and even spiritual buns that are so hard to break. And so a lot of times, when you lead people on, the expectation is being created, whether you know it or not, whether it's malicious or not, you need to understand. You are creating that and you are going to be the reason for someone having resentment and heartbreak in their hearts. Okay, number three. It delays their destiny and yours, period you in the way is either poop on the pot or get off. What are you going to do? You either going to date them or you're going to go somewhere.
Speaker 1:And while I'm here, stop letting people play with you. Do you not know who you are and whose you are? Because if you let somebody play with you, it's clear to me that you don't know who you are. You have no idea who God made you to be. Because you think you're a joke, and that's why they treat you like a joke. Because you allowing it, you got to teach people how to treat you, and just because somebody slapped Christian on top of something does not make them a believer.
Speaker 1:How many of y'all dating these little jokers of a Christian? They ain't got no fruit, no, nothing. They're just cute and you want them. You trying to date, to convert, to date them? You look stupid. Stop doing that, because it's not helping you. It's not even it's not helping the body of Christ. It's destroying your witness, because I'm telling you right now, if you're dating, if you're trying to do it and manipulate and leading people on or even allowing yourself to be led on, because some of us, we know what it is, we're just too afraid to be by ourselves, that we allow, we participate in the foolishness and we just got to be honest with it. Like I know I'm coming so strong this episode, but it's because I'm tired of seeing people be damaged when we're supposed to be the body of Christ and we're acting just like the world. That is not OK. Ok, and so let's keep going Before I get on my little tangent box again, ok, and so number three, it's delaying their destiny, and yours, ok.
Speaker 1:When you're occupying a space that was never yours to fill, you hear me, you're potentially blocking them from seeing their actual God-ordained spouse. Do you hear me? And I tell a lot of women that I mentor, which I'm going to invite you right here, right now, to join my mentorship, join the Christian Dating Talk community, the paid community. It's like a 20-buck donation a month. It helps to share the gospel of Jesus, to help the elderly, to help those with sex trafficking. Your donation goes a long way for kingdom mandate. But our heart is to help you become that godly spouse that you need to be and to deal with certain things we got to deal with in order to see God's like you know, god's destiny accomplished in our life in the earth. And so join that, join that group. You don't even know, like I've seen plenty of married couples, you know, come through this not promising you a marriage and not promising you a date, don't get me wrong. But you're going to be around people who you know serious about finding a spouse period. Okay.
Speaker 1:And so something I realized and I always tell my mentees that I'm talking to about dating is um, you don't want to be entertaining too many people, especially in this. This goes for both male and female. Okay, you do not want to always be the opposite sex, or I mean, we all know that same sex marriage is not biblical, so we don't even have to talk about that because we know it's not biblical. But let's get back over here. Um, we know, like, you don't want to always be entertaining somebody, like you don't need to always have a snack. Somebody entertain you, someone to distract you.
Speaker 1:Use your single, use your season of singleness as an opportunity to do what God's called you to do to become, to heal, to grow, to travel, whatever it is have fun. Some of y'all don't know how to have fun. You're supposed to be using that time to becoming what God wants you to be right, but most of the time we waste it. We really do waste it and we're thinking that when we get married it's like a switch. No, no, no. You need to be working on becoming that wife, becoming that husband before they arrive.
Speaker 1:Okay, but I oftentimes tell my mentees like, listen, you cannot always have somebody in your face, in your DMs, in your phone, you texting them, you calling them whatever, entertaining and filling yourself with all this stuff and all these men I'm going to talk to women right now All these men got your attention emotionally. You texting them, you calling them, dming, hanging out all this in a day. So I'm telling you right now a real man or guy I'm just going to be honest if he see you doing all that, not that you're actually in relationship with him, but it's going to make him think that you already taken, it's going to make him think that there's no room for him. And so some of y'all got to clear out, you got to get into a place of consecration and prepare yourself. I'm not saying you got to be legalistic and just kind of sitting back. I'm just going to stay in my house and wait. No fool, get your butt up and go and allow yourself to be seen. You got to be seen, he who finds meaning, he's searching. So you need to be seen, which we're going to be about to drop another book y'all about how to actually date. Stay tuned, okay.
Speaker 1:And so you have to not have so many people around you, because it creates the image or the idea that you already taken. And I'm telling you right now, if I would have had all these men I'm texting, I'm calling, I'm doing all this right here, my husband that I have now would have never married me because he would have been like you already. Take it, bro. Who's trying to do that? Nobody. And so you don't want to be blocking people. If you're leading them on, you know you're not taking them serious. You know you're not. You don't really want this. You just want a bird in the hand. You just want to be able to have a follow-up plan and what you mean? You're going to let somebody make you the follow-up plan. Daughter of the king, son of the king. What you mean? I guess you're not first place, you don't want to be the winner.
Speaker 1:Even the Bible talks about you be the apple of his eye, like listen, some of this stuff boils down to self-awareness and self-esteem, which is why, if you got a toe up to the flow up self-esteem, you really need to go and ask the Lord before you start dating. If you're going into dating with low self-esteem, you're about to attract garbage. You're about to attract like stuff. That's not okay. You're about to attract who you are and that's not good. Listen to me, if you have low self-esteem, if you have not dealt with certain things not saying you got to be completely healed, because some of y'all be doing too much because healing is a process. Healing is not linear. Healing is literally like you got to go through the process. It's up and downs, it's hills and mountains and valleys, and you got to be willing to ride that wave and certain healings and certain triggers won't even be hit until you enter into a really deep relationships.
Speaker 1:Number one. But what I'm saying is, if you got very low self-esteem and you're willing to play the side piece role, you're willing to play the role of the. You know, I guess he accepts me or I guess she'll accept me. You need to go and ask the Lord to heal you. Ask the Lord to show you who you really are. Get over those insecurities, okay, let's keep going. Number four it invites judgment. Did you hear me? Let's be clear Using people for emotional needs, mental needs, even physical needs.
Speaker 1:Some of y'all I'm not just talking about sexual, I'm talking about some of y'all just be using people to go have a good meal, to have a good time. That's a physical need and you should be sharing yourself. Okay, but using people for any of these needs can put you in opposition. Hear me, with God's will for relationships, yeah, do you want to be an enemy of the Lord? I need you to really feel that like. Like I'm not playing with this, because I'm watching what it's doing to God's people and it's not okay.
Speaker 1:It's not okay to lead people on, okay, and so what should you do instead? If you're trying to avoid leading people on, what should you do? These are not all encompassing. These are just four things that I think you need to do in order to make sure that you're clear and that you're not leading people on, and sometimes people are just gullible and people want what they want and they don't care about what you got to say, and they will leave their cell phone and say you did it and so don't even worry about that. Okay, as long as you're being clear and honest. That's what matters, okay, matters, okay.
Speaker 1:And so, number one, you want to be clear with your intentions. Okay, if you're not interested in the person, say so. It's that simple. It's that simple, boy. It's that simple. It's that simple. Stop making it so, so deep.
Speaker 1:Some of y'all be trying to have a bible study over this. It's that that simple. If they're not cute, they're not for you. Come on now. We got to get this together, okay, and so don't ghost people, because that's not loving. You need to communicate with love, communicate in love, okay.
Speaker 1:Number two don't entertain out of boredom. Ladies men, I'm in your face and some of y'all need to go to my, to the YouTube channel, and watch my eyeballs stir at you because you out of control, you tripping because you, you entertaining people because you bored or because you broke, or because you need somebody to make you feel a certain way. Well, you're supposed to get that from the Lord, like some of y'all out of control, okay, and so go to God, not the DMs, you hear me, okay, when you feel lonely Yep, and that's a t-shirt I'm about to make Go to God, not the DMs Period, okay, and so number three this is how you're going to guard from leading people on, intentionally or unintentionally. You're going to repent. If you're, if you've done this or if you are doing this, you got to stop and repent and ask God to help you. And so God is full of grace, hear me, god's full of grace and he's willing to restore both of you, and he's willing to restore you and the person that you hurt. Okay, but you got to be willing to go to him and ask for that period, okay. The last thing you need to do is you got to pray before you pursue.
Speaker 1:Men, just because she fine don't mean she yours, ladies. Just because he cute and single does not mean he yours. Pray before you accept the invitation, men. Pray before you pursue, because emotional intimacy is powerful. Y'all be thinking it's just about fornication. No, emotional fornication is a thing, it's a big thing that really hurts a lot of God's people, okay, and so don't play with it. Don't play with people. And so leaving somebody on is not cute, baby. It's not cute, okay. It's not cute because it's harmful and it's dangerous. It's dangerous spiritually, emotionally and sometimes even physically, you hear me? And so let's be men and women of integrity and let's be honest and open and treat each other like the true image bearers of the living king, because, if not, we're going to continue to see Christian dating suck and Christian divorces continue to increase because we're not doing the work that it takes.
Speaker 1:And so, thank you all so much for listening to this episode. I'm so thankful for you all. Stay tuned for the Christian Dating Talk Tour. If you are interested, I want you to let me know, because we are coming to a city near y'all very soon 2025. But I will see y'all later. Until next time, stay rooted in the truth. I need you to stay rooted in God's word. Okay, walk in humility, because we don't know everything. We need to walk in humility and allow God to write that love story. I will see y'all tomorrow. Take care.