Christian Dating Talk
Christian Dating Talk
How to Transition from Dating to Fiancé — God’s Way
GRAB YOUR COPY: 10 Reasons Why I Hate Christian Dating
Ready to make the leap from dating to engagement? This eye-opening conversation tackles the sacred transition that many believers rush through without proper preparation. As someone who's counseled countless kingdom couples, I'm pulling back the curtain on what no one tells you about engagement – it's not just about planning a wedding, it's about preparing for covenant.
Discover why your engagement shouldn't be a "trial marriage" and why that mindset leads so many couples to compromise their boundaries. I share my own transparent journey, including the surprising truth about when I truly knew my husband was "the one." (Hint: it wasn't during the dating or even engagement phase!)
Kingdom marriages require more than compatibility and chemistry – they demand spiritual alignment, clear communication around expectations, and a shared mission. We explore the critical conversations you need to have before saying "I do" about family dynamics, finances, gender roles, and spiritual leadership. For women wondering about biblical submission and men questioning what godly leadership truly entails, this episode provides practical wisdom without sugarcoating the challenges.
Whether you're currently engaged, approaching that season, or simply want to prepare well for your future spouse, this conversation will equip you with the spiritual tools to build a marriage that stands against the gates of hell. Don't settle for just another "cute marriage" – learn how to create a covenant relationship with kingdom purpose at its center.
Ready for a relationship that glorifies God and fulfills His purpose? Join me for this crucial conversation about how to make the holy transition from dating to "I do" with wisdom, discernment, and divine guidance.
y'all yesterday. Thanks so much for all the love and all the responses to what we're doing here for Kingdom. If you don't know me, my name is Shanika Faye, host of the Christian Dating Talk podcast, where we get real, have some real conversations and deal with the real issues and just honestly help get you to that wedding day. I desire to see more kingdom marriages that last, that can stand up strong against the gates of hell and prevail in Jesus name, and so that's my desire, just to help you be equipped to be able to do what God's called you to do as that kingdom wife or that kingdom husband. So, welcome y'all. Today we're going to hop right into it, because we ain't got time to lose. I'm already a little bit late. Today we're going to literally talk about how to transition when you're dating to a fiance. Okay, and so if you have not been following me these last two years, I got a ton of content. You can find me on Spotify, amazon, google. I'm everywhere. Okay, I'm now stepping into doing the video vlog version of this because I've had so many people to ask me like, hey, get on YouTube. So we're here. I just wanted to jump on here and just really teach another lesson how do you go from we dating we found our man or our woman. And next step, because I don't think we as a church really do a good job at speaking into this, so let's do it. And so welcome back to another episode of the Christian Dating Talk podcast, where we just don't talk about dating, we talk about dating God's way. And so number one as far as how to make that step. Now, we don't make these steps lightly, and I want to go ahead and say this before we even get into the content Do not just say yes or propose to somebody out of fear that God won't provide another one. Okay, do not enter into a marriage with scarcity. Thinking or feeling like this may be your last resort, your last option. If God did not lead you into this marriage, I really need for you to pump the brakes, because once you make a covenant before God, it's not just a contract. This is a covenant before the living God and you will be held accountable for this. Okay, and what you're about to do? What you're about to do is sacred, very important, heavy. Okay, there's no other decision in my well. There's other decisions, but this is like top three decision of your life that you about to make and you don't need to take that lightly. So, before we tread into this, I just want to get that warning, okay.
Speaker 1:So, number one dating with intent. It starts right here, okay, and so can two walk together, unless they agree. That's from Amos two, I mean Amos three and three. And so if you're dating, if you, if you're in a dating relationship and this is for Christians, real Christians, real kingdom, not no fake phony mess we don't do fake phony Christianity. We're about our walk, we're about the kingdom, and that is you, this is for you, okay. And so when you are dating and you are a true believer not no wishwash, you know, one foot in one foot. I believe her you need to make sure. And and you really done a great job at centering your dating life around like Jesus, okay, you've been purposeful, you've been praying, you walked in purity and you are standing on a firm foundation.
Speaker 1:Okay, the transition to engagement should never be a surprise, okay, and this is why I wanted to have this conversation, because no one ever gave me Faye. This is what to expect, like that, for your boo thing that you really love. He's about to transform, and so are you. No one prepared me for this, okay, and so I want you to know exactly what to expect. Okay, this episode will not be all encompassing, but it's going to give you a nice little picture into what's going to happen, okay, and so when you are doing this this should be when you're making that transition and you say yes. That should be a confirmation of what God has already been speaking to you. Okay, and so, when we're dating as kingdom citizens and this kingdom, daughters and sons of the living God not to damage people, not to use people, not to abuse people, all that jazz I want you to, when you're saying yes or you're proposing, make sure that that is just confirmation of what God's already been dealing with you about. Has God confirmed this is your spouse?
Speaker 1:Okay, and so begin to ask yourself are we walking in agreement spiritually? Because me and my husband, we was not walking in agreement spiritually, to be honest with you. He loved Jesus, I love Jesus, but I believed in the supernatural. He didn't. I did not try to force it on him, and glory be to God. The Lord opened his eyes and showed him some stuff, and now we're both in agreement. But you need to have those conversations. You need to understand what I get spiritually To be a Christian is not enough. Okay, y'all got to be on the same level, right? And I'm not saying it has to be a complete same level, but it gotta be an understanding Like this is where you at, this is where I'm at, and me and my husband we love each other enough just to take that step, and I knew like he did not believe in all of that there, but I wasn't going to force it and he wasn't trying to force me out of my beliefs either. We came to that agreement, and so what agreement have y'all come to? Okay, and ask yourself have agreement? And so what agreement have y'all come to?
Speaker 1:Okay, and ask yourself have you invited wise counsel into this relationship or have y'all been dating in isolation this whole time? Where you at, I'm looking for you, where you at, because this is very important, okay, the next thing you need to ask yourself is are we building together? Are we, are you ready to build together? That is so important, baby, because if you got a lazy mug sitting back waiting for you to get, get to it. I'm gonna pray for you, okay, and you got to make sure you're ready to build, and it's not just butterflies, it's not just infatuation, it's not just he fine, she fine, y'all to work. Are we ready to work together? Yes, I want you to be in love. I want it to be beautiful. But a kingdom marriage always has a kingdom mission. And I don't know about you, but I didn't want my marriage just to be another cute marriage. We got enough cute marriages. I wanted me and my husband to come together and do something kingdom. And if that's your desire, god will get that to you. But you got to know this Okay, know that God's confirmed these things to you before you say I do.
Speaker 1:Okay, next engagement, when you make a transition. Your engagement is not a trial marriage. Okay, you ain't married till you're married. I know, I know, I know. I know People don't like to hear that because they feel like I got the ring, well, we're going to get married. And that's when people start fornicating, that's when people start doing too much. Okay. And so engagement is not just a season to plan a wedding, it's a season to prepare for a covenant. And some of y'all, I think it's going to be very, very vital for you to go and look up what's a covenant, what is a biblical covenant, because that's what you're about to get into. The little cute little contract we get when we sign our marriage license. That's great, but covenant means there's no way out.
Speaker 1:Okay, I wanted when I got married and I was afraid to get married. I ain't going to lie, I ain't going to hold you. I was afraid to get married. I ain't going to lie, I ain't going to hold you. I was very, very, very, very, very, very cautious. Baby. People ask me Faye, how did you know Jamie was your husband, like they looking for like a fairytale story, you know, some type of like Hallmark type Mm-mm, that wasn't me, baby.
Speaker 1:I was checking and double checking and recheck and y'all see something on here, y'all. I was so scared to make that decision because I knew the gravity of it. I didn't really have a full picture of what a wife position looked like, but I knew it wasn't no joke. I knew it was not something to be taken lightly. I knew that it took more than love for them to stay together. Because I didn't see some things and I'm like, hold on, we ain't married till we married. Okay, let me. I double check, triple check, quadruple check.
Speaker 1:I asked about a thousand me. Hey, I got another question, got another question, sir. Hey, can y'all look at him, holy Spirit, confirm again? Y'all don't be afraid to ask for multiple confirmations. God understands some of us need a little extra extra credit. Okay, and so do not be afraid.
Speaker 1:And my husband? He was not playing either. This man had people telling him that's not your wife If you marry her whoop-de-woop. His family didn't really like me initially. They love me now, though, baby. So don't be discouraged if you are engaged to a person whose family don't like you or their mom don't like you, for for the women, because if you love and serve and honor with grace, I promise you it'll change the game.
Speaker 1:We'll get into that episode another day, but yeah, I was scared. I was not gonna play with this baby Because I knew, understood what covenant meant. I understood like this was going to cost a lot. I didn't know how much it would cost. I'm going to be real with you. I didn't know how much that would cost baby, and so I got engaged, and I did not know he was the one. You want to know when I knew he was the one Come here, come here. I knew he was the one. Come here, come here. I knew he was the one when I signed that contract and I had that ring on my finger.
Speaker 1:Baby, even on my wedding day, I was like listen, god, and I know some of y'all you ain't ready to hear this, but I'm gonna be real with you on that wedding day I was still asking the Lord, lord, are you sure this what you had me to do? I know it's not, it's not popular, it's not, it's not cute. I understand it wasn't the hallmark channel video you was looking for, but, baby, you better confirm and you better understand that when you are engaged, it's not just about planning a beautiful wedding although that's a huge piece of it. It's about are you prepared for coveted? Are you prepared to die, Woman of God? Are you prepared to die man of God? Are you prepared to become something you've never been before, to become something you've never seen before? That's not to be taken lightly and I believe personally, I believe and I'm not a therapist and nothing like that, right there. This is, you know, just my experience. I believe that the church is not fully prepared us to walk into these different seasons, because we don't want to have these conversations, and I'm so happy that my spiritual parents, they didn't mind being like, hey, you better be checking.
Speaker 1:And so people be like, jose, when did you know that was your husband? When we got married, when they said, introducing Mr and Mrs, jamie Marillion, that's when I said Jamie Marillion. That's when I said, oh, I got a husband. I said, hey, husband, I was still checking that man out because I had to make sure Now granted, I did have other things that I knew this was the man to marry, but I was still trying to figure out, lord, what you say. Bust a move. I bust a move up in here. Okay, don't play with me. And so, unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain. Who builds it? Psalms 127, verse one.
Speaker 1:So this is when you, um, you need to understand you got to have a deeper that you have, but you have to deepen your, your spiritual connection, without crossing boundaries. This is something you got to learn to do, because a lot of us were used to having constant contact with our phones, but a lot of us don't know what a deep connection is outside of sexual stuff, outside of like stuff, like that. So you got to learn how to have a deeper connection with someone and not cross a boundary, and this is how you this, this is where you're going to live at, this is your camping ground. Before you say I do Okay. Deepen your spiritual connection with them. Deepen your emotional knowledge of them. Learn how they suffer abuses. Where are they? How do they communicate?
Speaker 1:Baby, this is the time for you to be learning everything you can learn, because I'm telling you when you say I do everything, change. It's going to be beautiful, but there will be tough seasons and you need to make sure you got somebody up in there with you. That's, with you, if you get what I'm saying. And so you got to talk openly about your vision, your family, your finances. The roles Gender roles are something you need to talk about.
Speaker 1:If you are a man and you want a traditional wife, have that conversation, especially in this generation where everything's been so twisted up. A lot of us, a lot of believers, have taken on the culture of society, which is never God's intent. So we got to really make sure that this thing is what it is, okay. And so also responsibilities who's responsible for what? Y'all ain't gonna lie.
Speaker 1:When I first got married, I didn't even realize I had a, a traditional expectation of my husband. I wanted him to do different things without me saying it. Ain't that stupid, ain't that crazy? I'm acting like he a mind reader, he no mind reader. Baby, you got to tell him what you want. You got to know what you want, to communicate what you want, and a lot of times you ain't going to have all the answers. So I'm not telling you, don't get married. You got all the answers because we on year six and we still trying to figure it out, but we had a clear understanding of where we wanted, where we were heading, because we had those conversations, conversations, and we didn't stop having those conversations. We have those conversations even now, because life's ever-changing, life is always evolving. God may ask you to pivot. What happens if God sends you another assignment? How do you deal with that?
Speaker 1:Okay, also, you got to begin at that point praying together. If you know, if you know me, if you follow me for a while, you know I don't really't really believe, but when you're dating, y'all have these deep spiritual moments together because that's connecting your eternities before you, even you know. But when you get engaged, I believe that's a time where you need to begin to pray together. You need to begin to fast together. You need to begin to plan together without crossing boundaries because you ain't married till you're married. But that's the moment where I think it's safer to begin to do spiritual connecting.
Speaker 1:Okay, but make sure you stay in pure, keep your lips off each other. A lot of believers think kissing is cool and kissing is cool. Kiss is not a sin, but, baby, it leads to some things. Y'all who are heavily making out and kissing and stuff your hands going everywhere, you're doing stuff you're not supposed to be doing and you're crossing lines. You're crossing boundaries. Stay pure.
Speaker 1:You're not married till you're married, and stop treating engagement like a trial marriage, because it's not, and so you want to be careful not to act like husband and wife before you've made the covenant before God, because guess what it can unravel, guess what? I've seen many engagements fall to the floor and you are still responsible for making sure you take care of someone else's spouse Because, yes, you are engaged, but they're not yours until the covenant's done, and so treat them as such. Okay, engagement is not permission to start playing house, so don't be moving in. We're going to get married anyways. So don't be moving in. We're going to get married anyways. Girls move on in. No, no, stop it, cause you about to rule, you about to wreck yourself, but to mesh yourself up. Cohabitation is always terrible, terrible idea.
Speaker 1:Okay, and so the last part we will well, not the last part, and the third part we want to hit is during your engagement season, you need to invite God into the process. Who do you have walking with you? That's a big old question. And so commit your works to the Lord and your plans will be established. That is Proverbs 16, 3.
Speaker 1:And so God cares about how you prepare. You know that, right, god cares about what you're doing in your waiting, in your engagement season. He cares about all that he cares about. Are you being pure? Are you being intentional? Are you still pursuing her? Are you beginning to learn how to be underneath a covering woman of God?
Speaker 1:Because most of us don't even realize we come into, especially Americans, baby, we have a deserbelic society that's literally like it's so entrenched in society that we have to literally strip it off, and that stripping off is so hard. Are you prepared to be underneath a covering? Because if you're not prepared to submit, you ain't ready for marriage Period, point blank period. I know the wedding is beautiful and the ring is cute and he fine, but you got to understand something, bringing in that Jezebel spirit, allowing yourself to think I ain't got to do what he say. All that little attitude, all that little you know, you know, you know, you know what I'm talking about. That Jezebel way that has to die, and the death is not fun. The death I'm telling you right now, boy, having to shut up when you feel like talking. Having to understand that submission is not always agreement, and you can't always get your way, and you cannot manipulate your way to what you want, because that's ungodly. Okay, y'all holding a whole other conversation. We'll get there, though, and so God cares about how you prepare, not just your preparing. So he cares about how you prepare, not just your preparing. So he cares about the how, the motive behind it.
Speaker 1:Okay, and so, as you move from dating to engagement, get premarital counseling, get it. Go get some people who can help you. Me and my husband, we do premarital counseling all the time. It's one of the most beautiful things we get to take part in Beginning to help this little couple, this new little family God is birthing to the earth, become one, and, yes, it is hard watching that sometimes, because we begin to ask different questions and begin to push different buttons that bring out stuff they wouldn't have saw. But it's all to bring them back together and point them back to Jesus and help them realize that this person is a gift from God. But do not make them an idol. God is still God, but you all are going to become one, and in becoming one, the old has to go before the new can come, and especially with my women, boy, we have a hard time I ain't gonna even lie.
Speaker 1:And so you need to get premarital counseling. You need to involve your pastor and spiritual mentors. Who do you have in your corner talking to you? Most of y'all out here with your little COVID church stuff. You still doing your church hopping via the web. Stop it, foolishness. Get it out of here right now. You need to go get underneath spiritual authority and leadership and allow them to help you, to help you walk this walk, to watch out for your soul. Boy, some of y'all are really tripping with this whole. You only know pastor yes, you do, okay. And number three, you got to keep your community close, okay, and your convictions clear. Clear convictions, close community. That's how you able to walk this engagement season out.
Speaker 1:Next, you got to create a prayer plan for your future marriage. What are the things y'all going to be praying over as you are preparing to make this covenant? This is so important Pray over your children's health. Pray over your finances. Pray over what church we'll be going to. Pray over the mission and vision of this household. It's the work you got to be doing, baby.
Speaker 1:So preparing for the wedding is one big part, but the preparation for a covenant, that's something we don't really do and I don't need you to get into that. I need y'all to get with your leaders and do that, okay. And so you don't need to just be having a wedding checklist that's cute, but you need to prepare for covenant, because covenant calls okay. And so, remember, a kingdom marriage is built on agreement, accountability and assignment. Yes, you are entering into a new mission. Yes, he cute, he fine, she cute, she fine. That's great. But what is that kingdom mission that God's calling y'all to? And once you figure out what it is, run after it, let nothing stop you from accomplishing that mission, because two is better than one baby. And when God's giving a man of God a mission, and their wife come underneath that and agree and help push that thing. Oh, my God, it's beautiful, okay.
Speaker 1:And so engagement is when you refine these things, okay, the next thing you gotta be looking out for in this season, going from dating to engagement, you have to literally look at yes, the excitement is there. I want you to remain excited, but readiness, are you ready? Let's be real. The excitement is real. When that ring hit that finger, baby, we excited. Oh, I've got my man, got my man, got my man.
Speaker 1:But more than excitement, god is looking for readiness. Are you ready to submit? Are you ready to lead? Are you ready to provide, protect, man of God. Are you ready to nurture? Are you, woman of God, ready to be quiet? God, are you ready to nurture? Are you, woman of God, ready to be quiet? Huh, we ain't ready to hear that. Huh, I know it's hard, I ain't gonna lie, it's hard. Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready for the assignment that God's put on this marriage? Okay. And so, to whom much is given, much is required. Luke, chapter 12, verse 48. Okay, so this next level will require maturity. Are you ready? Sacrifice, are you ready? Spiritual discernment Are you ready? Are you ready? Begin to ask God daily. Lord, help me to be a wife or a husband I'm called to be. Help me to be that. Not just the plan for the day, but prepare me for my destiny in this marriage.
Speaker 1:Okay, and so the transition from dating to engagement is holy. A lot of times we just treat it like a to-do list. We treat it like oh my God, I can't wait to get married, like idle time. Stop wasting that time and know that it's holy and it's sacred and it is called. It's a call to begin to build with purpose. Okay, and so God doesn't want you to rush into marriage because I know some of y'all you just want to rush and have sex. You just want to go get you some. I get it. I burn. You burn it up in your pants. Boy, go put. Go, go go exercise, go get in a cold shower, go sit, sit your little hot stuff down and stop rushing to the wedding, stop rushing to get married and actually take this time serious, because God wants you to be rooted in holiness in your marriage, not just about that flesh, burning that flesh on fire.
Speaker 1:I just want a man, I just want a companionship, whatever that is, because most of y'all we'll be real. Most of y'all don't really want no spouse. Y'all want somebody to sleep with. I said what. I said what, what you gonna do Now? Let's be real.
Speaker 1:Most of y'all are not ready to submit. I know I wasn't. I ain't know what that was about. I mean, you gotta be quiet and submission is not agreement. Baby, I had to really come to Jesus and understand that I don't submit. It's unto him but it's unto God, and most of us ain't got the revelation, man, most of y'all ain't ready to go out there and give your life for your wife.
Speaker 1:Most of y'all just want somebody to serve you or to do what you want them to do for you without you giving them nothing to submit to. You want a submission without fulfilling the, fulfilling what's needed for her to submit. If you would do your part and lead well, lead with convictions unto the Lord, and cover and protect and provide and lead, I'm telling you, you won't have a problem with a woman submitting to you. But most of us, we don't want the work of a marriage. We want the benefits, we want the sex, we want the companionship, we want somebody there, but we don't want to do the work.
Speaker 1:And so that's what makes me know if you are in this place, here, you ain't ready for marriage, you're going to be in the divorce court. You're going to be angry, making your pastors upset because you're going to always two, three days later, hey, I need counseling. Hey, I need pastoral care. My wife ain't doing this, my husband ain't doing that. It's because we're y'all truly ready, or did y'all rush the process to go to have sex? Did you rush it? Or did you really wait on the Lord and take this time serious?
Speaker 1:And so, if you're in that season, or believing you're approaching the season of engagement, slow down and listen, because God got something to say about it. Okay, invite the Lord into every decision and allow him to prepare you, not just pair you. You need to be prepared, not just paired, ok, and so I just want to encourage you all, just to know the Lord is with you. Congratulations on your engagement. I want you to also, if you can put hashtag, whatever your new name is going to be, so I can celebrate you and reach out to you, but I'm proud of you. Enjoy this time, do not rush through it. I thank God for putting you two together. In the Father's name of Jesus, I pray that you just would bless each and every one of these kingdom couples that, lord, they would hear you and know you and get on their assignment and take this time serious. In the mighty name of Jesus, amen, I will see y'all later. Take care.