Christian Dating Talk
Christian Dating Talk
Finding "The One": Peace Over Pressure
Dating with purpose requires discernment to recognize if someone is truly God's choice for your life. We explore three essential markers to help Christian singles navigate this challenging question without confusion or anxiety.
• Peace over pressure: God's will doesn't come wrapped in constant anxiety
• Alignment in faith, values and mission is more important than physical attraction
• Beware of hiding parts of your spiritual journey to accommodate a partner
• Community confirmation helps you see what love goggles might blind you to
• Dating in isolation breeds deception and vulnerability to the enemy
• The question isn't "Have I found the one?" but "Am I becoming who God called me to be?"
• Marriage is a covenant choice, not a magical fairy tale discovery
• We date to mate, not to play or mishandle God's people
Join us in the Date Different community and learn how to date God's way. Subscribe and share this episode with someone who's wrestling with these same questions.
Hey, how's it going? Welcome, welcome, welcome on in. Hey, hey, hey, good to see you guys. I am so excited just about this new season that we are in. My apologies, I've been kind of out of like I haven't been on in a while and I miss you all, but I've been able to help some people. I've taken I've taken my practical tips of Christian dating and I've been able to help some people. I've taken my practical tips of Christian dating and I've been able to help several people begin to walk into that dating season and that's been amazing Begin to unpack a lot of those wounds that's been keeping them out of dating.
Speaker 1:Maybe it's full of fear, maybe several different reasons why dating could be such a hard, weird space, and so what I've been doing is, while I'm taking a sabbatical, from the podcast, it's been going on like two years. I decided to test it, and so in testing I've learned a bunch of stuff. I've seen a lot of girls get a boyfriend. I'm just being honest. Through the words of God, they find somebody that they can do life with, and so you may hear my kids in the back, but this is part of me being a mom, and so we're going to keep it moving. And so welcome back. Come on up in here, honey. We're going to talk because something I've seen that I think needs to be answered is many, many times you need to fully understand how do you know this is really the one? How do I know I'm not wasting my time? Have you ever said that? How do I know that, if I give this person the attention and the energy to require to date, somebody, how your girl know this is the thing, and so I'm going to hop right on into it, because y'all know me, I go straightforward. I'm not one to really do a lot of small talk. We're going to just hit it and see what God says. And so let's be honest, this question has kept so many singles Christian singles up at night where you are really wondering, like am I wasting my time? Is this person playing with me? We meet somebody. We like the vibes, we love the spirituality piece of it, and we don't talk about spirituality witchcraft here. We are Christians, okay, we love it. They're a believer in Jesus Christ. They seem to have a great resume, okay, and they check some of the boxes. You're like, okay, number one, check, number two, check, number three, check, and so. But, deep down, you're still wrestling with is this God's choice or is this just my choice? Is this God's perfect will for me, or is this something that I want? Is this more of my flavor? And so we're going to go answer this question.
Speaker 1:Okay, and I don't want you to continue to walk in that confusion. I want you to allow the Holy Spirit to begin to help you navigate those thoughts. Those are some real thoughts. Now, I also don't want you to sweep them underneath the rug. I want you to deal with them. I want you to get your Bible, I want you to get a journal, and I want you to begin to ask God to help you unpack. Is this the one for me, god? What do you think? Father, help your girl out, because the Lord will help you.
Speaker 1:Holy Spirit is there to be your comforter, to be your teacher, to walk you through whatever you need to walk through, and so what I want you to do is begin to not shy away from that. Lean into it and also another layer to that which I'm getting ahead of myself lean into it with community. And so, for all y'all who don't know, we do have a date different community, where we are preparing couples, preparing people to be wives bigger than couples. We date to mate. We don't date to play, we date to mate. So welcome to the date different community where we literally get this thing done and from the different, just supernatural and just Holy Spirit led downloads, I've been able to see several girls and several guys meet a person that's potentially a husband. I've been able to even walk people who make a decision we're going to date. Me and my husband did their premarital counseling and now they're married and so I'm just. It's such an honor that God's been able to use us and use me in this way, especially with my dating background, which was not good y'all.
Speaker 1:I'm telling you the truth, if you know. You know, faye became a homeless, single mom because I was out there doing the most. I was doing the most with the least baby, and that's not okay. Okay, so let's get into it. Here's the truth. God is not the author of confusion. Did you hear me? God is not the author of confusion, okay, and so if you're constantly second guessing, chasing a sign or trying to force peace where there is none, then that's already a red flag. Oh, I know, I know you like faith too much, too fast. It's okay, take a breath, because I know that's not something we want to hear. You don't want to hear. Like man, am I ignoring red flags? Like, do I do I? Is this somebody God really sent for me or am I? You know, am I just trying to play around to see if this is going to work out? So let's just go a little bit deeper.
Speaker 1:Here are three markers. Write this down. If you can write this down, you can also go on over to YouTube. Type in Christian Dayton Talk and you can watch me teach you this. Like, if you want to see me on camera, get your butt up, get your phone out, go to Christian Dating Talk and I'll put the link in the comments too, where you can come in and we can look at each other.
Speaker 1:Eventually, I'll do call-ins. You can call in and ask me a question on the air. That's going to be fun. Let's do it. Here are three markers that will help. You know if someone could be the one. Okay, one piece of a pressure, piece over pressure, god's will won't come wrapped up in constant anxiety. Okay, that ain't from the Lord, okay, and so if you have to beg God for confirmation daily, it's likely not him or her. Some of my, my gentlemen who follow me, that's probably not him or her. For some of my gentlemen who follow me, that's probably not the one. And I want you to, instead of shutting down right now, because I understand some of y'all might be in too deep already you like man fan trying to hear that right now.
Speaker 1:Listen, this is one of the moments where I made a critical decision that literally landed me into the homeless shelter. I'm just being fully transparent. I did not have peace about my first, my first serious relationship with my daughter's dad, and I was like I still love him though, like I hear what you're saying. Yes, I have doubts. Yes, I have these thoughts. Yes, people were even kind of telling me, like they all know, but by then your girl was already head over heels in love. I was already like listen, in my mind and in my heart, I marry him, that's my man, and whatever we don't figure out right now, we'll figure it out later.
Speaker 1:Rome, rome, because you got to understand when you are going against the will of God, like there's no assurance in that, okay, you know we always talk about get insurance. When you choose to opt out of what God's telling you to do. There's no insurance, there's no comfort. There's no insurance, there's no comfort, there's no peace. You gonna get what you gonna get If you ignore them signs, baby, them signs gonna come back and bite you in your butt. I'm just being honest because I lived it okay.
Speaker 1:And so, number two alignment over attraction. I know they fine. I know they fine. As a mug boy, I know your body is going crazy right now. Calm down, take a cold shower, go exercise, go get with some friends, go do something to serve. Okay, if you are single and you have an issue with your body, you better go find yourself serving in prayer in community, because what you do not want to do is give the flesh, which ain't going with you to heaven. You know that right. So your flesh is actually going to fight against you. You got to kill it daily, and so I need you to kill it by exposing it, by fasting, by praying, by walking in community, and it don't matter how fine this person is. It's this align, it's this align. So looks faith vibes. They'll shift too, but alignment in faith, value and missions is the stuff that make good, godly marriages Okay. And so are you aligned in faith, meaning like? I know he's fine, but he's a Muslim. What you doing? I know she's got a nice shape, but she a witch. What are you doing? What are you doing, man of God? See what I'm saying? So our faiths align. You even got to look deeper as it pertains to Christians, because you have the sensationalist camp, and you have the camp that believe in the full letter of the Bible, which they like to call us charismatics, which I think that's foolishness. It's a person that truly believes in the entirety of the scripture. Ok, and so is this person going to make you feel weird because you, like you, pray in the Holy Spirit.
Speaker 1:And me and my husband, we got married. I'm gonna be honest, my husband, we got married. I knew that I loved him, I wanted to be with him and I, but I knew that he was not open to the baptism of the Holy Spirit, and so I decided which is not good, this is not good. I'm telling y'all, don't do this. Okay, what I decided was I was going to marry him, build a family with him, but keep our spirituality, keep my walk with Jesus kind of hidden from him, like I didn't want to force what I believed in with casting out demons and all the crusades and revival stuff that I was asking God to do. I was like wanting more and more and more of God. And my husband like no, I'm not trying to disrespect my husband, you know, I love and honor my husband.
Speaker 1:My husband was okay with a simple, cute Christianity where I'm comfortable, where I go to church, church is more like a social club for me. I play a good go to church, hear a good song, hear a good word, live my life Simple. But I was like, oh, what are we doing? Where are we going? Lord, holy Spirit, where you at? And so I decided like if I'm going to be with him, like I know this is going to be too much for him and so I would hide it, I would take, I would literally try to hide it, hide that, hide all that from him. I would be like, honey, I'm going to go to survival, you stay here with the kids, like I was not trying to miss them too, because I knew how you felt about it.
Speaker 1:But the cool part about that is God redeemed it. God brought it full circle. Where my husband was like man, my wife walk. It's like crazy, like intimate with the Lord, and she's able to hear God she's able to catch to Casadenas and watching her walk in the Bible, the scripture what is that? And so me walking in that and not fully aligned with my husband in that particular part of the Bible, it led my husband to become hungry for more of God and he ended up getting baptized in the Holy Spirit and realizing like, oh my God, like this is the best thing ever.
Speaker 1:And so you got to be careful, even with that part of being a Christian. You got to be really careful, okay, because you don't want to get with somebody and you can't shine bright for Jesus in your own household. You can't walk around just praying the Holy Spirit because you're free, you feel bound, because you don't want them to feel uncomfortable. So you got to really understand where do I stand as far as the Lord? What are my values? What is the mission? Because these three things is what sustains a godly marriage. Remember, we date to make. We ain't over here playing no games, we don't. We don't just over here wasting people's time, mishandling God's people. We date, I mean we date to mate. We don't date to play. So I'm speaking to somebody right now. I can feel the Holy Spirit pivoting me because sometimes and I'm looking at you. If you on YouTube, I'm looking at you in your face Sometimes you use God's child.
Speaker 1:You are using God's children to satisfy your lack of intimacy with the Lord. You're using God's children for free meals. You're using God's kids and God's children for your own gratification. You may not be having sex and some of y'all are, so you just sit down and stop fornicating. I'm rebuking you openly right now so you can get it together. Stop fornicating, stop sleeping with somebody who's not your spouse period.
Speaker 1:But let's go deeper, because sometimes I've seen people use and mishandle God's people emotionally. You mishandle them financially. You are doing stuff that is not okay and I'm telling you right now be careful. Be careful how you handle and treat God's people. Do you understand me? If you don't like him, stop going on free dates. See what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:I'm speaking to women here. We women of God, got to be different from the world. It's the world that use and misuse and mishandle God's people. We don't do this. We want to make sure that the person that you're entertaining you leave them in a better condition than you found them, and so how are you pointing them to Jesus If you're not pointing to Jesus and you're supposed to be dating in a Christian way. Shame on you. I'm rebuking you right now in the name of Jesus and you need to submit and go and repent, period, okay, because I'm so tired of seeing people hurt. Why is it Christian dating? Like it's about worse. It's about the same as worldly dating. There's no difference Other than we saying we done having sex, y'all doing everything else, and so you got to really, really, really repent and turn and do something different. Let's keep going so. Thirdly, community confirmation. This one right here is key boy. I'll tell you right now this one right here is key. You want the keys to the kingdom Community, do you hear me? The right relationship will be confirmed by wise, godly counsel.
Speaker 1:A lot of y'all at the date in isolation. A lot of y'all got these hideaway booze, got these people that you talking to on a low low, got these people you texting at night real quick. You got their name underneath a pizza hut or you got their name underneath donut or people don't know who you texting. Be careful, be careful with that. Be careful with dating in isolation. That's warning. I'm warning you right now because, if you want to know, god isn't the person for me. Why do you feel ashamed to date them publicly? Why do you feel that sense of shame and that sense of? I'm not sure? Maybe you need to push a little bit deeper into what God is saying about this person.
Speaker 1:Ok, and so isolation breeds deception. Did you hear that Isolation breeds deception? So the enemy, he roams around like a ravenous wolf. He's a wolf, right, and so he. He don't necessarily go after the pack, especially because the shepherds there, right. But if you in isolation, guess, guess what, you easy pray for the enemy, and so your community will confirm, they will let you see what you can't see.
Speaker 1:Because when you get into those relationships and stuff, you get a lot of those googly eye. You can put the googly goggles on those are you to call the googly goggles? Well, you can't really say because it's all magical, yeah, all the chemistry, it feels. So, because it's all magical, you got all the chemistry, it feels so great, it's just so amazing, right, and so you have to really pray on that, okay. And so here's the kicker you don't actually find the one. You choose them.
Speaker 1:Did you hear that you don't actually find the one, you choose them? Marriage is a covenant, not a fairy tale. The question is is did I find the one? That's not. The question is am I becoming the one God has called me to be? That should be your question. You should be asking God am I becoming who you destined and preordained me to be? If, way before you asking, is this my one? Because God's not going to put nobody in your life that you can mishandle, that you can break with your past traumas and wounds you have not chosen to deal with, see what I'm saying. And so you got to begin to do that deep work and ask the Lord to walk with you. And so, if you stuck in this question, remember God doesn't play hide and seek about your future. Ok, seek him first. If you stuck in this question, remember God doesn't play hide and seek about your future. Okay, seek him first. You hear me, and the right person will align with the purpose he's placed inside of you. Okay, did you hear that? Did you catch that?
Speaker 1:If you love this episode, I want you to hit the subscribe button and share this with a friend. Okay, share this with somebody who's wrestling with the same questions, okay. And I want to also encourage y'all to join us. Join us in the Date Different community and learn how to date God's way. I will see y'all later. Take care of my honey buns. Bye-bye.