Christian Dating Talk
Christian Dating Talk
The Raw Truth: Why Broken Hearts Don't Deserve to Date Yet: Part I
Everyone wants a relationship, but not everyone is ready for one. In this episode of the Christian Dating Podcast, I break down why healing must come before pursuing a romantic relationship. We’ll talk about the danger of dating while broken, the signs you’re not ready yet, and the practical steps you can take to heal, grow, and prepare for real Kingdom love.
👉 If you’re tired of toxic cycles and ready to Date Different™, this episode is for you.
🔑 What you’ll learn:
- Why unhealed wounds sabotage relationships
- Signs you’re not ready to date yet
- The difference between healing and perfection
- Practical steps to prepare your heart before love
💬 Comment below: Do you think people should stop dating until they heal?
Hey, how's it going? Good evening, yes, we tapping in tonight. Today's been a full day, super thankful for what God is doing. Today I had an amazing connection. If you know, I just moved to Huntsville and so I got a chance to link up with some amazing people and I got some big stuff I'm working on. So y'all stay on the lookout. Also, if you're new to my channel, I just want to tell you that you are loved, you are seen, and you will probably be uncomfortable here. Do not think you can come up in here and not be seen and pushed to the king, okay, and so I'm just so thankful for you guys coming up in here, walking with me for these last few years. Yes, I'm finally committing to making a video podcast, not just audio, but if you want to tune into all the episodes from the last couple of years, they are there too. But welcome to the episode.
Speaker 1:My name is Faye. I am your mentor, your big sis, your accountability partner as you're waiting and dating. We are going to do this the Jesus way, okay, and so today you may not like this today, okay, I'm going to be real. Today may trigger some of y'all, and that's okay. It's okay to be triggered as long as you take the trigger to the king, okay, because the only reason you're still triggered is because you're not healed. You got to go get healed and I firmly believe that you don't deserve to date until you're healed, that you don't deserve to date until you're healed. Did you hear me? You do not deserve to date until you're healed.
Speaker 1:Here's a little backdrop. I used to be a homeless, single mom and I had a lot of trauma from my childhood and that compounded on top of what I went through as a kid, with my daughter's dad walking out and me ending up in the homeless shelter, that thing really rocked me. I went through a season of just when I really was a man hater. I was literally disrespectful. I felt like they were not necessary. I literally was telling people men only come to use, abuse, misuse, nail to the next one. I was literally out here like a feminist man, bashing like crazy, consumed by the Jezebel spirit, consumed by anger and hatred. Do you really think I was qualified to date? Absolutely not, and so if you are trying to date and you are not healed, woe to you. You are going to damage yourself and another brother in Christ, and so you need to stop. And so everybody wants love, but not everybody really is ready to love. Let's be real. Some of y'all just want to have sex. Some of y'all just want companionship. You just want to know you got somebody. Some of y'all just want you just got an ego stroke. You're just doing it because it's fun, for the thrill of it. Woe to you. Okay, the truth is, you don't deserve to date until you have done the work to heal. You need to get on that altar to get delivered. You need to go to therapy. You need to do the work in order to be made whole.
Speaker 1:We always talk about our triggers, like my apostle, my spiritual father, said in one of his sermons you always talk about I'm triggered, I'm triggered and granted, that's a real thing. But when are you going to be triggered to the point where you go get the healing necessary? So I ain't got to walk around triggered all day, like, literally, we got to go and grow up, okay. And if you were trying to be biblical, like, build biblical relationships and marriages that last and not continue to divorce as fast or not faster than those in the world, we got to fix this, okay. And so why is this? Because, dating from a place of brokenness doesn't just hurt you, it hurts the person you attach yourself to. You got to understand some of y'all be in relationships where you codependent on each other. Some of you guys, you trauma bond with each other. All you do is spend time talking about what you've gone through and it becomes a toxic cycle of trauma, bonding and codependency. And some of y'all do this in friendships. Let's go and talk about it. Some of y'all do this in friendships. You have very toxic, unhealthy friendships and if you are still there in your friendship, I need you to understand that you definitely don't qualify to be in a relationship romantically. You're going to mess people up, okay, and so let's get on into it. Okay, let me go no-transcript, all right, so let's get on to it.
Speaker 1:Number one. Number one healing matters, especially when you're dating. Healing matters, especially when you're dating. You may think it's just something you do for fun, but I'm telling you it's not Healing matters and if you're not willing to do the work, you do not deserve to date, ok. So here's the truth about a broken, a broken dating. When you're trying to date and you're still broken, you haven't did the work to heal. When you haven't healed.
Speaker 1:Dating can become a band-aid and not a blessing, and so you are looking for an outlet to escape what you've probably gone through and it's a real thing. But because you don't want to acknowledge and deal with that and get whole, you find yourself using that as a band-aid to try to cope with and cover the bleeding. But God is a God who literally died on the cross and he said by his stripes we are healed. He wore a crown of thorns which was more like a helmet. It wasn't a cute crown, the crown of thorns was more like a helmet and they pierced it into his brain and a lot of us believers.
Speaker 1:We don't realize what was given and what was given to us and transferred to us through the blood of Jesus by Holy Spirit when we became saved, that you don't have to live with mental health issues, you don't have to walk around depressed and heavy because there's a garment of praise. You got to get in your word and give it to therapists and give it to spiritual leaders in order to be healed, to be made whole, do you hear me? And so you got to stop using friendships, even dating, as a band-aid, because it's not going to do nothing but become infested and cancerous and destroy you and the person you attach to. Do you understand? And cancerous and destroy you and the person you attach to. Do you understand? You use people as distractions instead of partners. It's so many of y'all I can go on and go here. It's so many of us.
Speaker 1:We are caught up in this worldly dating cycle and you seeing it come up in the church, what? We're? Using people as unhealthy distractions. We're using them for emotional coping tools. We're using them as a toxic codependent person. We're using them for emotional coping tools. We're using them as a toxic codependent person. We're using them to avoid dealing with what needs to be dealt with. We're using them for free meals.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about it. You're using them for attention because you don't know how to be by yourself. You don't like yourself, and so you're using them so it can distract you from doing what you need to do to get whole. Some of you don't. You know. The last thing on your, your agenda should be dating period, do you hear me? And so you got to really repent about this. If you're doing these things, you got to begin to repent because it's not okay. Okay, relationships turn into cycles of pain because your womb hasn't been addressed.
Speaker 1:And some of you, you wonder why you're in the same old cycle. Same old cycle. You literally almost like you're attracting the same old man. I know you are because you got on that same perfume. You got the same aroma of toxic I'm not healed codependency, whatever that is that you ain't dealt with. It's almost like a beacon of you pulling in these men. You're like why I keep getting men like this? Why does this keep happening? Probably because you will not do the work and it's time, okay, and so let's get into scripture. Psalms 147, verse 3, says he heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Why won't you go into the scripture and apply this? The word of the Lord is literally like medicine to us as believers. It's your birthright and God promises that I heal the brokenhearted and I bind up their wounds. And you are still sitting there in your mess, sitting there bleeding at the site of the accident where the trauma happened.
Speaker 1:I sat for years at the scene of the accident where my life fell apart when I became a single mom. You see, nobody think that they're going to become a single mom. Everybody think they're an exemption, right? You think it won't happen to me? Nah, he won't do me like that Girl won't happen to me. Nah, he won't do me like that Girl. Calm down and, brother, open your eyes, okay.
Speaker 1:And so I was so just traumatized and so messed up in my mind because I'm like, oh my God, number one, my sin been aired out. So I'm embarrassed. I've been out here telling people I'm a Christian and now everybody know your girl pregnant, so they know that faith doing or dying. And now everybody know your girl pregnant, so they know that they doing a thing. You see what I'm saying. And so I'm like bro, like I can't hide that I am in sin, I'm practicing sin. And so that was one part. And the second part was I really thought this man was going to love me and be there with me, no matter what. I thought we was locked in for life, and it wasn't the case. And I'm just heartbroken, like in for life and it wasn't the case. And I'm just heartbroken Like, oh my God, he gave me all these promises and they were broken. What I'm going to do, woo, that was hard, that was really hard.
Speaker 1:And then what made it even worse was that I was working for a ministry in Memphis and when I got pregnant. I told them I'm like hey, y'all, I'm pregnant out of wedlock. I know we do ministry in the city and I want to make sure that I'm honoring you guys. So while I'm not showing, I'd rather just go and quit now. And the company Streets Ministry was like Faye, we know, you told us what happened. You can come in here and work. We'll put you in the back office. But I was trying to honor the other company and I go in and tell them hey, y'all, I'm president of wedlock. Yada, yada, yada. They're like no, no, no, you're fine, you're going to be just fine. In fact, a lot of these girls around here they're probably going to be single moms, which is crazy. They would say that. But it's true. They'll probably be single moms and you'll get a chance to show them what it means and what it's like to walk with them pregnant.
Speaker 1:And y'all, I'm like so I began to just be pregnant, show up to work. I was discipling the girls. I took that particular ministry girl count from like two girls to running about 45 every day they were showing up. I will use my own private money to go and buy pizza just to continue to win the girls to Jesus. It was amazing what God was doing. And we got to like month nine of me being pregnant, y'all.
Speaker 1:The directors came in. They like, hey, Faye, remind you, while I was pregnant I was taking the girls who got pregnant out of wedlock. They continue to come to the gym, but I wasn't going to lose them. I will go pick them up and take them to the medical little, their appointments and stuff, and I will be their big sister, be like their mom. Yeah, we both were pregnant, but it's okay because the Lord will cover, the Lord will redeem.
Speaker 1:And so, um, I remember it was. I was nine months pregnant, probably about two weeks out from giving birth, and the directors came in. I'm like that's different. They all came in, came in here and I worked the entire shift and the director sat me down and go hey, this is a conflict of interest. Now, mind you, remember what I just said. We sitting there and I've already told them I know this is a conflict of interest. I'd rather back out now so I can take care of me and this baby. But they were like we're going to rock with you Now. I continue to work and I'm going somewhere here. I continue to work. And they came in and was like there's a conflict of interest. You got to go.
Speaker 1:And the part that really like slapped me in my face was, if you believe that God is a provider, you won't. This right here won't affect you, because you know God can provide right. I'm like, first of all, god was providing his job and it was supposed to have been a ministry, and so y'all I was so just hurt. It was like hurt after hurt after hurt. But it was my sin that led me into it. I knew I couldn't blame nobody else but me, because I decided to have sex with somebody who wasn't my husband and boom, the whole thing crashed. And so what if I would have tried to jump into a relationship right when that was going on? I did not qualify. Baby, the last thing on my mind should have been a man, and for some of you, you want to go and deal with the trauma and let that thing be healed and be free from it before you jump into another relationship, before you're looking for who checking for you. You don't qualify. So stop, okay, stop now, because God cares about the condition of your heart more than your relationship status. So you got to stop doing that. You got to stop doing that.
Speaker 1:Imagine putting fine wine into a cracked cup. No matter how expensive the wine is, it's going to leak out. Did you hear me? That's how dating broken looks, no matter how good the person is. Do you hear me? If you're not healed, you won't be able to hold the relationship. If you're not healed, you won't be able to hold the relationship. You're going to hurt God's people.
Speaker 1:And so I just want to challenge you and just speak to you and tell you this is part one. Okay, speak to you and tell you, like, if you are dating and you know you're not healed, you need to do them and yourself a favor Call it off. No, you're like Faye, how, what am I going to do? It's going to be weird. It don't matter. I'd rather weird than broken. I'd rather weird than continued trauma. I'd rather weird than y'all end up having a baby out of wedlock and bam, now y'all tied together for life, Because we got to do the hard things sometimes. And so I thank y'all so much for y'all time. I love y'all.
Speaker 1:I want to also invite you guys to the soon. Well, we're starting in Hampton, virginia, the first tour date for the. I got calls for y'all, so I'm kind of struggling to talk right now, but I want to invite y'all personally to come and meet me in Hampton, virginia, if you're in an area. I'll be having a first date of the Christian dating tour. Also, I want to personally invite you all to join the Date Different community, the number one Christian single ministry community in the planet. Do you hear me? We are now. This podcast is now in over 1100 cities. We have exploded and I'm just thankful how God's using this to change the landscape of dating and also women that we've worked with me and my husband. We've coached and worked with and discipled different women. A lot of them are married now, and so I want to help you. I want to help you, I want to shepherd you, I want to love on you, but I will see y'all in the next episode. Y'all take care. All right, guys? Bye-bye.