Christian Dating Talk
Christian Dating Talk
Ready Tomorrow: Preparing For A Godly Spouse
We move from longing for marriage to building capacity for covenant. The talk centers on healing, order, and alignment so we can receive what we pray for and steward it well.
• shifting from God when to God make me ready
• stopping marriage idolatry and guarding the heart
• healing emotional wounds and ending negative self-talk
• desire versus readiness with practical self-checks
• scriptures on agreement, guarding the heart, and faithfulness
• emotional maturity, financial stewardship, and communication
• making room in schedule, space, and habits for a spouse
• order before answers and integrity in singleness
Thank you for supporting the tour and stay tuned for international dates—get your ticket, come speed date, mix and mingle, and connect
Hello, hello, hello, and welcome back. How y'all doing? I miss you all so much. I do apologize. I've been in my a for a little bit just because I've been resting, preparing for this new year, coming off the tour. If you were able to join me on my tour, thank you so much just for your support. Thank you so much just for everything. I'm so just thankful to continue to help more people just not give up in dating and waiting on the Lord for their spouse. Also, just so just grateful for our wonderful community. We are, y'all, we are global now. And so I'm gonna have to set some international dates soon. I will keep you up to date for when those dates and times are gonna be available. So you can go ahead and get your ticket, we can do a meet and greet, we can connect, you can maybe even meet a spouse, you never know. But as I say that, like I said, the tours, I want you to come speed, date, mix and mingle, but date at your own risk, okay? This is just a space we're creating for kingdom couples to come together. And so I love you all. I thank y'all. But today we're gonna get back into a new series that's gonna speak to how do you prepare? And so this episode is called Prepare, not just preparing, how to get ready for the spouse God is sending to you. So, what if your spouse showed up to your front doorstep tomorrow? What if you bump into your spouse at the coffee shop tomorrow? What if your spouse that this person would be your spouse, like got a job at your job, and you guys met just out of the blue? Would you be ready? Are you truly prepared? Or are you still just preparing? You're still thinking about it, you're still praying through it. You need to get your heart set for men. Am I gonna be ready to lead, cover, protect this mighty woman of God? For my ladies, are you gonna be ready to submit, to honor, to serve this mighty man of God? Okay, and so you don't attract what you want, you receive what you are prepared to store. That's a huge tip. Write that down. If you are listening to this on audio, I want you to go back and get these nuggets because it's gonna really help you as you are leaning into this new season. And so, in this episode, I want to help my listeners understand that one, you must stop idolizing marriage. If you want to be prepared to be married and be ready, you can't make it an idol. You also want you to know that it's time to heal unfinished emotional business. And so, there's no way God can send you a person that's gonna be your spouse when you still got old school baggage. It's time to unpack it and deal with it and finish it, all right? I want you to understand that you gotta begin to develop the capacity for a covenant. Do you understand what a covenant really means? You gotta also align your life with what you're preparing and praying for. And I know it's easy to say, I want a spouse and I want a man and all this good stuff, I want a wife. Are you truly prepared for what you're praying for and preparing for? Are you aligned with that? Or do you just want a person to have sex with? Do you just want to look confident? Do you just want a friend you can talk to? Do you just want to feel special? Is it all selfishness, or are you truly prepared and for what you've been praying for? And lastly, I want you to know and I want you to prepare, and we're gonna talk about this a bit. Are you discerning readiness or are you in desperation? So you got to discern if you are truly ready or are you desperate? And we don't want to do nothing in desperation, okay? So this episode gently but firmly moves you from God when to God make me ready. And so if you've been asking the question, God when? When's my spouse? When, when, when, when? Listen, calm down. You're quite not ready. You're not quite ready, all right? Because you need to be in a space where you can say, God make me ready. Am I ready to be and do and have the things you want to give me? And I believe a lot of y'all are, and for some of y'all, I feel like you might want to, you know, sit this one out. You're not quite ready yet. Let's get into it. So many people are praying for a spouse, they are not, but you are not prepared to receive the spouse. And so you want to be married, but you haven't made room for a true covenant. Think about it. Are you really ready to die and deny yourself? Die to yourself and deny yourself. Are you truly ready for that? Or are you just ready for somebody to have sex with? You're just ready for somebody to cuddle up with, you're just ready to scratch the itch of your flesh. You just want someone that you can say you have a companion. If you want a companion, get a dog or a friend, okay? I'm just gonna throw that at you for free. But you say you want love, but you haven't healed the places that you're still bleeding from other relationships. And this is not just relationships with other, you know, significant others like boyfriend, girlfriend, even engagement participation. It's also in friendships. And so you say you want a spouse, but your life is still structured for singleness. You are selfish with your time, you do not like serving people, you do not like compromise. You want what you want when you want it. If that is you, you're probably not quite ready. And I'm just being honest because I need you to hear me as you're preparing to be someone's life partner. You cannot enter into this season ill-prepared if you give it on meaning. You gotta be ready. All right, and so preparation isn't punishment, it's protection. Let me say it again. Preparation is not punishment, it is protection. And so, scripture that we need to anchor to. I need you to memorize the scripture this year, especially because we're in February, it's February 2nd, where I am. And I know a lot of times when you're single in the month of February, especially when it gets close to Valentine's Day, it gets kind of hard. But I want you to press into the Lord and understand that God is preparing me to be a spouse, and my spouse is on a way. I want you to also stop the creeing dumb stuff. What am I saying? You saying, and nobody out here today, these men are all trash, these girls are all trash, these girls, this negative stuff that you're saying. Guess what? You are the reason why you're probably still single because you're speaking death over what you're asking God to give life to. That makes sense, and so I want you to stop and analyze what am I saying? Am I saying one thing and thinking another? Am I saying one thing and believing another? Am I truly ready for what this big thing is of a marriage? And I do believe you probably are, but what I want you to do is understand that this preparation time is not a punishment, it is actually, it is actually a protection. And so, Amos 3.3 says, Can two walk together unless they are agreed? That's a good question. Are you prepared to walk with a life partner for the rest of your life, compromising, forgiving, learning to communicate, you know, all the fun stuff that comes with marriage, but are you truly preparing for that while you're still in waiting? And so let's look at desire and how desire is not readiness. Just because you may feel the impulse to date, you feel this desire. I want to be a spouse, I want to be a wife, I want to be a husband. I need to understand that this is the key truth. Waiting, wanting marriage is not equivalent to being ready for marriage. So just because you want it does not mean you're ready for it. Like my little boy, he be wanting a lot of stuff. He be wanting to eat like nonstop, he be wanting to eat big boy steaks. He's just three. And I'm like, honey, just because you want this big steak does not mean you're ready for this big steak. And so let's, how about we pick the chicken? How about how about, son, you're not ready to go down a big slide. You desire that big slide because it looks so much fun. But how about we stick with the kitty slide? You see what I'm saying? And so any good father will want to protect their kid. And so if God hasn't given you the go and sent the spouse for you to walk into those gates of marriage with that person, you probably need to thank God. Thank you, Lord, for protecting me. Yes, I want marriage, but am I truly ready? We're gonna continue just to check and double check and double check and get around other married couples so you can really see the truth about marriage. Okay, and so we're gonna look at emotional maturity, financial chaos, untreated trauma, identity rooted in loneliness, and needing a spouse to fix something. If any of these are you, if you feel any of these, if anything I just said make you feel like, ouch, you ain't ready for marriage, you're not ready. And I'm not saying you have to have all these 100%, but I need you to work on these, like over, I need you to be really diligent about working these things out because it's going to show up in your marriage. And I you see, I see a lot of marriages, of especially new marriages that implode because of these things here. And so marriage is not healed, doesn't will not heal what you refuse to face. And so if you are refusing to face your emotional maturity, your financial chaos, your unhealed trauma, your identity issues, your wounds from other people, I'm telling you right now, your marriage will not heal that thing. And so you gotta really refuse, like refuse to not run away from it in this season. You gotta make a decision that you're going to press through. No, no, go on that way, boo-boo, that you're gonna press through and get the healing, get the clarity, and that's my daughter, y'all. Get the healing, get the clarity, get the treatment, get all the stuff that God needs you to get in order before spouse comes. And so let's look at the scriptures Proverbs 4:23. Guard your heart. You want to guard your heart, and so a lot of times you gotta look at what am I watching? Am I reading all these love novels? Am I entertaining things that's gonna make my heart continue to yearn for love and all that stuff? Because you are, it's going to tempt you to try to pre, you know, pre-enter a season God hasn't opened for you, and so you want to guard your heart. That's Proverbs 4:23. You also want to be faithful with the little. Are you and that's Luke 16, 10? Are you being faithful with the little that God has given you? Are you being faithful? If you're not being faithful, that's a big problem. That's a huge problem. Because if you are sitting there nagging about, oh, I'm still single, these men trash, these girls are are horrible, there's no one out there for me. If that's you, you ain't ready today. You ain't ready to marry. You're not ready. Why? Because how can a guy trust you with an assignment, a lifelong assignment of marriage, and he can't trust you to be faithful in your singleness. If you're still out there having sex out of what you're having sex, premarital sex, and you are masturbating and in pornography. I'm telling you right now, you are not ready for a covenant marriage. Because guess what? That's not gonna fix the lust issues. You follow what I'm saying? If you do not have the ability to save and to store your resources, you're likely not ready completely for marriage. You need to go and ask God, Lord, how do we heal this? How do I get financial literacy classes? How do I fix my credit score? If you are immature emotionally, because baby, when you get married, you have to be ready to honor, to serve, to love, to respect, to do all the things that God called you to do. Yeah, baby. Okay, baby, go on back out there and eat. Close the door. My kids are buffing busting up in here today. But but yeah, I just want you really just to ask the Lord am I truly ready for this? Am I truly ready to be someone's spouse? This is a lifelong partnership, and so I need you to really get the gravity of it. I want us to stop fantasizing about the wedding day, and and I'm and no, don't hear me saying marriage is not beautiful. Marriage is absolutely beautiful, it's absolutely amazing when you become a parent and you have kids and you see your your you see yourself multiply in the earth, it has amazing benefits, but it's also work, it's also death to self, it's also learning that you are selfish and you got a lot to apologize for, especially if you are an American and you used to doing what you want to do, when you want to do it, how you want to do it. You better pump your brakes and really ask the Lord, am I truly ready? And if he says yes, stay in position. Okay, and so now let's look at practical things. I want you to begin to do to make room for what you're praying for. These are practical things that you can start doing right now. Okay, would you would your schedule make would does your schedule make space for a spouse? Or is your schedule so tight that you don't really have time to allow them time? You know what I'm saying? I got a I got an amazing lady that I know treasure, she's single and she wants a husband, but my girl can't stand to share her time. She's probably listening to this, but she can't stand to share her schedule. She is very, very much strict about that schedule. And if you try to do something without it being on a calendar, and I'm not saying that's a problem, that's actually a beautiful thing that she has schedule, priorities, things that she's put in place to guard her time because your time is so precious. And so, but my girl, I was like, listen, what if your husband needs you to get up early and shift to do this? She's like, Oh, you probably need to go to the Lord and ask God, how could I make room for a spouse in this? That's even in your closet. That's that's in many areas, it'll show itself. Do I really have room in my schedule, in my space for a spouse? Because it's a real question. You gotta understand, two gotta become one. So that means you gotta be willing to compromise. You can't, you you really gotta be willing. What am I willing to compromise? Okay, two, what your emotional patterns feel safe for them, or are you really high highs and really low lows? Because if you are medic and you are depressive and you are bipolar and you are angry, it's probably not the greatest time for you to be considering getting married. You're probably not ready. You probably don't have the emotional margin, the emotional room for a spouse, all right. Next, would your communication bring peace or chaos? Now that's a real one, especially for my ladies. I'm just saying, are your words seasoned or are they straight salty? That's a real question, and you really gotta go before the Lord and ask him, Father, help me, help me. If I got a snap attitude and I'm with I'm quick with it, I tear a man down quickly. That's a problem, that's a huge problem. And you might want to go and get some help with anger issues, with emotional instability. You may want to go get therapy and go back to the root of that thing and get healing before a spouse comes because you're gonna hurt your spouse. And if you don't fix it with the spouse, you're gonna hurt your kids, and you're gonna pass that thing down, and we don't want that, okay? Number four, would your spending habits produce stress or support unity? And so I this one this was a really hard one for your girl. I'm just being real. This this was a very hard one for your girl. Woo! Because I I would get man, I want it, I want it. And if you understand, you understand what I'm saying. If I wanted it, I was going to get it. But when you get married, you can't do that, you can't just go and just spend the money. You gotta get on a budget. And for me, person say budget, I felt like you was cussing me out. What you mean, budget? This is my money. I went to work for this. You better calm down. I was not ready to get married, and so these are a few practical things you can begin to think about right now. Am I ready to make room for what I've been praying for? Okay, and so God does not send answers into disorder, okay? God will not send an answer into disorder. God respects and honors you like when you are when you are orderly. God respects and he honors when you have order, when you have clarity. Not to say it's got to be perfect all the time because sometimes God do we want to do because he got, but he's going to like literally, doors will be open, and you will see where God will give you more because you've been faithful over a few things, okay? And so he sends them into prepared environments, and so if you are ready for a spouse, you gotta really go test your life, look around, and see am I and am I in a prepared space? Is my environment, my personal life, prepared for a spouse? Or am I just wanting somebody I can just have sex with? Do I just want somebody I can just be buddy buddy cuddle cuddle with? Do I just want somebody I can call and talk to? If that's you, be real about it, but just know that's selfishness. You're coming out of selfishness. If you are in a cohabitating space, you didn't play it yourself. You play yourself, you are self-checked, and the likelihood of you getting married and a marriage staying together for a lifetime is very slim. So I even want you to go back to God and really consider is this worth it? Because you've already crossed boundaries. Bye bye, baby. Bye bye. You all hungry? Okay, my mom's done. Okay, and so you really gotta go and consider Lord, what are you calling me to in this hour? But y'all, that's part one. We'll hop back into the next one in just a second.