I've Been Ageist - Against Myself

In this short but jam packed episode, Dave shares his reflection of a blog post he wrote called ‘I Have Been Ageist - Against Myself’, about why he started this podcast and more importantly reflecting on how previous guests such as Kari Cardinale (Episode 6) and Vanessa Liu (Episode 5) have shaped the notion of ageing.

Dave is an avid listener of his own episodes and shares how this has given him the gift of a new perspective when it comes to being in your 50s 60s and beyond.

An enlightening and thought provoking episode as we move into times of living longer and what this means.

Also, look out for more episodes Dave will be sharing more about from his blog, 9 Rules for Being Stubbornly Young being:

1. Embrace the new world.
2. Consume thought provoking content.
3. Enjoy the outdoors and physical activity.
4. Don’t talk about medical conditions.
5. Be open to the merit of both sides of an issue – check out episode 4!
6. Be upbeat, keep a sense of humor, and don’t complain.
7. Learn new things.
8. Try new things.
9. Accept that I’ll still make mistakes.

Read my Blog called Rules For Being Stubbornly Young and let me know what you think!

Email your thoughts at dave@stubbornlyyoung.com

Check out where it’s all happening on the Stubbornly Young website

Thanks and looking forward to hearing how you’re remaining stubbornly young!

Transcript

Dave Tabor (00:00:00) - I created Stubbornly Young to push back on the belief system around getting older. That also meant being, I don't know, you know, sedentary, maybe disengaged, maybe, I don't know, maybe boring or just sort of existing until we don't. Now, listening to my own Stubbornly Young podcast has me thinking even more deeply about who’s saying who’s old and have I, like Kari, who is younger than I am, been ageist against myself? 

Hello and welcome to episode seven of the Stubbornly Young Podcast. I'm your host, Dave Tabor. This episode comes from a blog I was writing called I Have Been Ageist Against Myself. I decided to modify it and share it with you as episode seven. I'm glad you're listening. And by the way, this post results from my listening to this podcast, too. Yes, I'm the host. I'm also an avid listener. I know that sounds weird and I have wondered how you might wonder if I do that because I like the sound of my own voice, and I have been accused of that. Actually, though, as the host, I do listen to each episode. The first time, it's with a critical ear. You know, what went well, what I could have done better. And then I listen again. I mean, I just listen as an audience member would, disassociated from the fact that I hosted it, and the Stubbornly Young podcast episodes are doing more than I expected for me. I thought I'd simply be bringing you content, but I found that since I'm also on this journey of being stubbornly young, I've been learning a ton from my guests and I've become even more immersed in the topic. Recent guests have gotten me to reflect on the mindset of being stubbornly young, particularly the notion that older age as blocks of years has shifted and we, societally and personally, need to adapt to that shift. That's what I'm going to talk about in this episode. I'll be including clips from past episodes that have really gotten me thinking about this, and you can write to me at Dave@StubbornlyYoung.com if you want to talk more about it, or even better, post comments at the Stubbornly Young Facebook page where everyone can engage.

Dave Tabor (00:01:50) - I'll start with some ideas from the most recent episode called How to Stay Engaged: A Thoughtful Process. It features Kari Cardinale of the Modern Elder Academy. I don't even like that term Modern Elder, but we talked about that in her episode, and she sort of made me feel better about it. But also, and more importantly, in that episode, she confesses to having been ageist against herself. And here are a couple of excerpts. You know what I'm talking about.

Kari Cardinale (00:02:13) - And so here's the crazy thing is that in the past 100 years, we've actually gained 30 extra years of life. So, you know, the average lifespan is now somewhere around 78 years old and even older as we are healthier. But that was not the case 100 years ago. And the lifespan that we have gained is in the middle of our life. It's not that we're being elderly for 30 years. We're being young and vibrant in our 50s and our 60s and our 70s and our 80s were still running around and working and doing all sorts of interesting things.  But our language hasn't caught up and our mindset hasn't caught up to that. To tell you, I was, like, really not psyched to turn 50. It was this milestone birthday that hit me like a brick over my head, and I couldn't quite figure out why I was so crabby about it, and why I was bitching about it all the time. And it forced me to take a look at this term I never heard of, which was ageism. I didn't know ageism existed, but I was ageist about myself. And then I became incredibly curious about why am I so worried? And as I spent more time getting to know really bright and driven older adults that I still aspire to and admire as they are in their 70s and their 80s and their 90s. It helped well that little voice inside of me that was afraid. And when we're afraid to get older, then that impacts the decisions that we make.

Dave Tabor (00:03:38) - My guest from the stubbornly young episode before Kari’s was Vanessa Liu. She also talked about how what was considered old has shifted to later years, imagining a block of time on a continuum labeled old age.

Vanessa Liu (00:03:51) - And they don't want to be viewed as a demographic that is old and needs help. It's the complete opposite. They're like, no, no, no, what can we do for you? Like, we set the pace on so many areas and we're going to continue doing so. And that is a framework that we're going to see that's going to shift. Children born nowadays can expect to live on average to a hundred. And if you think about that in terms of a life span and a health span perspective, it means that instead of having a 40-year career, you're probably going to be having a 60-year career.

Dave Tabor (00:04:24) - So here's what both Kari and Vanessa made me picture. Do this with me kind of in your mind. Start with a continuum like the bottom line of a graph, creating blocks of age from left to right into segments like child, teen, young adult, full adult, older adult, old adult, and maybe end of life. 50 years ago, being an old adult was probably aged 60 to 70.

Dave Tabor (00:04:47) - Now, imagine taking that old adult block of time and dragging it to the right. So now, old adult is, I don't know, age 75 to 85 or I mean, you pick it based on your perceptions, but that opens a whole segment of time before, say, age 75 or whatever you've chosen. So let's say that's 60s and 70s, the stubbornly young years. And here's the point that's hitting me squarely. Society hasn't completely yet made that mental adjustment to the shift that's already happening. The fact that people in their 60s, 70s and sometimes 80s, and I know a vibrant CEO in his 90s, those people aren't old yet. As a society, I also wonder, is it me as much as them that hasn't made that mental shift? And guests in Stubbornly Young episodes have articulated a growing understanding about this age shift and have caused me to rethink and explore my own ageist biases. And as I consider this, I think I felt, as Kari Cardinale admitted, that I've been ageist against myself. That's kind of like a wow.

Dave Tabor (00:05:44) - You know, I created Stubbornly Young to push back on the belief system around getting older. That also meant being, I don't know, you know, sedentary, maybe disengaged, maybe, I don't know, maybe boring or just sort of existing until we don't. Now, listening to my own Stubbornly Young podcast has me thinking even more deeply about who’s saying who’s old and have I, like Kari who is younger than I am, been ageist myself and more worried about my age maybe than those around me. If I am, is that being conveyed to those whom I don't want to see me that way? It's a lot to think about and I'm going to fall back on the nine rules for being stubbornly young and continue to explore them in future podcasts. And here they are. Number one, embrace the new world. I've got a podcast about this and I've also got a blog post about this on StubbornlyYoung.com. Number two, consume thought-provoking content. Three, enjoy the outdoors and physical activity.

Dave Tabor (00:06:37) - Rule number four don't talk about medical conditions. Now I promise more on this and I will bring that to you soon because I know it's going to be controversial. Number five, be open to the merit of both sides of an issue. Check out episode four. We talk a lot about that. Rule number six be upbeat, keep a sense of humor and don't complain. Rule number seven, learn new things. Rule number eight, try new things. And number nine, accept that I'll still make mistakes. I'm still in the game. So while I keep living these rules the best I can, I'm also going to strive to see myself as I want others to see me. And I'll keep finding interesting guests and having entertaining conversations about the rules and about other topics. I'm open to ideas, so find me at the Stubbornly on Facebook page and share the podcast and blog posts with your friends. That's a wrap! I'm your host, Dave Tabor. Glad you joined me on Stubbornly Young.