The emPOWERed Half Hour

Where Science, Spirit, and Self-Trust Come Together

• Becca Powers • Season 1 • Episode 106

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In this Mother’s Day episode, I’m sitting down with Ariane de Bonvoisin, the author of Spirit Mama.

In this episode:

  • Why asking “why” can keep you stuck in suffering
  • How grief actually moves through the body and why that matters
  • The connection between self love and your ability to create
  • How shame, guilt, and unforgiveness block your energy
  • Why motherhood is an energy and not just a role
  • The truth about being “Superwoman” and why it does not serve you
  • How to reconnect with your body, your truth, and your creative power
  • The shift from control to surrender and what opens up when you do 

Quotes from this episode:

“Grief is an emotion. Emotion is energy in motion.”- Ariane de Bonvoisin

“You can’t have love for a child and no self-love for yourself.” - Ariane de Bonvoisin

“It’s not even a cleanup job, it’s just a love job.” - Ariane de Bonvoisin

“I think it’s an epidemic of disconnection that’s happening right now.” - Becca Powers

“My kids want from me is my presence. It is a spiritual gift to give to your children.” – Becca Powers


Connect with Ariane:

Mentioned on the episode:

Spirit Mama Book by Ariane de Bonvoisin 

Connect with Becca:

Website: https://www.beccapowers.com
Instagram: @beccapowers1313
LinkedIn: Becca Powers
Facebook: Becca Powers

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Get the book:
A Return to Radiance: https://www.beccapowers.com/a-return-to-radiance

Book Becca to speak: https://www.beccapowers.com/keynotes

Free resource:
The High Performer's Path eBook:https://www.beccapowers.com/

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Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Becca Powers: Welcome to another episode of The Empowered Half Hour, and for this episode, it's gonna be our Mother's Day episode, and I'm so excited to bring you today's guest because well, you'll find out in just a second. Her book is on topic. Mother's Day. So I'd like to introduce speaker, coach and author of Spirit Mama Arianne Day Zen.

And I may have mispronounced it, I've been practicing, but if I have, please feel free to correct me. But welcome to the show. 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: Thank you, Becca. You did a wonderful job. Absolutely wonderful. Hi Marks. 

Becca Powers: Yes. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. So I have been looking forward to interviewing you and we've had a wonderful pre-conversation before going live, but I would love to hear about Spirit Mama.

Like how did Spirit Mama come around? Why is it important to you? I just wanna hear everything about it. 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: Yeah, so the book Spirit Mama feels like it was my second child. So I was very lucky to have my first child. Everest is his name. He's a 12-year-old boy, and I had him when I was 40 and he came pretty much the first time.

We tried naturally, you he was in a rush. I'll be honest with you, Becca, I had already been communicating with him even before I met my husband. 

Becca Powers: I just got the goosebumps. 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: Yeah. I had the feeling of something or a soul around me, and so I had already called him in and then I was like, listen buddy, if you wanna come through, you need to tell me who your dad is.

And so I feel like I empowered him or her. I didn't know at the time to actually go and put my partner right in front of me. And I met my partner very shortly afterwards. So there was already something spiritual going on between me and this. Soul that was coming through, and I had been on a spiritual path probably for 25 years before.

It was something that had guided me through my childhood through being, a young adult. So I always knew that fertility for me had a lot more to do than just the physical or the emotional. That for me, the missing piece was going to be how do I have a really conscious conception? Conscious pregnancy, conscious birth, and how do I become a really conscious parent?

So that was always in the back of my mind. I never thought I'd write a book on this, but then the universe challenged me for sure that a way of doing that we wanted to have a second child. And the second child did not show up in the form that we expected. And for about five years, we tried. We tried everything alternative that you could possibly imagine, and we tried, of course IVF and everything scientific as well.

And during that process I interviewed a couple of hundred people, healers, doctors, IVF clinics, a lot of couples, a lot of parents in, probably a dozen countries. I went looking for the missing pieces. I went looking for things that were not mainstream. I went looking for things that no one had told me.

I went looking for. Why is it that, you in Africa they do things differently? Or in South America they have a very different, very connected view of what it means to conceive a child that we don't necessarily have in the west. And so I was doing it really for myself. I've gotta be honest with you, right?

I mean, it was for me and my journey and my selfish reason of bringing in a child. And then when that didn't happen, of course, I had miscarriages. I went through my own grieving process. But on the other side of that, Becca, It felt like that journey wasn't complete, and I knew it was complete on the physical level, but it wasn't complete on the contribution level.

And it became really clear to me that there are many, many ways to be in the motherhood energy, and yes, one of them is to conceive and even birth a child. Others are to adopt a child, to foster a child, to be a stepparent, to a child, Birth a business, birth, a book, birth, a documentary, birth, an idea.

And I was just like, I wonder if my incompleteness is that I need to help other women bring in children and I need to help other women become a mother and not just have my next second child, But to actually be part of. Hopefully the solution. And so the book is everything I read, everything I heard, everything I learned, all the interviews I did, obviously my own personal journey and things that I, would've loved to have known and would've loved to have tried At the beginnings, it feels very much like.

I went from being in control and kind of wanting my way to really surrendering and just go, okay, show me the way. Like, show me what you want me to do with all of this knowledge, because clearly it cannot be wasted just on my journey. 

Becca Powers: Yes. yeah, there's so much in what you're saying and if you hear any snorting to the listeners or to you, if you guys are hearing things.

My French bulldog Bella is right underneath my desk today. Ooh, 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: My golden retriever waffle is right there too. 

Becca Powers: Yes. 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: He hasn't shown up yet, but he might. He might. 

Becca Powers: Today's a dog day, but there's so much wonderfulness to unpack in, in what you shared from the pain, to the insight, to the curiosity, to the actual creation that, I don't even know where I wanna start, but I do want to say I, think that.

As a woman, I wrote about it, just a small piece about it, and one of the books that I wrote, harness Your Inner CEOI wrote about, a choice to terminate a pregnancy when I was 17 years old. And thankfully I was still able to have children after that. And the reason I bring that up is because you mentioned the grieving process.

You mentioned miscarry. I also had, a miscarriage. And I think whether you. Cannot conceive at all, or you have conceived and you've lost a child either by a choice you've had to make or by a choice not of your own. There's a sadness that takes place for women and I think a lot of women hold that pain inside.

And so I wanna ask you a question on that, but then I wanna transition to, similar to what you did, like there is something you can do with that energy and turn it to good. I'm sure you've talked to lots of women too who have lost a child.

So if any of the listeners, especially since it's Mother's Day, I know many mothers are probably celebrating their motherhood, but there's might be mothers or women listening to this that haven't been able to step into their motherhood. And if we could just talk about the grieving for just a moment so that we can spend the rest of the half talking on all the beauty, 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: of course.

Becca Powers: But 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: it's 

Becca Powers: important. 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: if I had to summarize it in a few things, the worst question that I asked myself, and I would highly encourage people to never ask this question is, it's just one word. It's why. Yeah. ' cause the why. is a mental question, and the mind cannot understand why it happened or hasn't happened or happened the way it did.

 and grief doesn't heal and happen through the mind. So the why question a real hook for suffering. So that's the first question that I really needed to drop was why me, or why my body, or why us, or you gotta have the mind not be the one in control of the grieving process.

The second thing I would say is, To drop into the body, even though you kind of wanna get out of the body because the body didn't do what it was supposed to, or something happened to the body it's to swim, it's to walk, it's to dance, it's to get in a bath, but it's to drop back into the body because grief happens through the bo.

And so when we try and escape or get out of the body, or we live above the neck. Y the grief, you kind of hold the grief in and actually the body wants to let it go. It wants to move. grief is an emotion, emotion, energy in motion. I love that. So grief itself needs to move. So I think for me, what I would say is it's a personal journey.

It's one that has, uniqueness to it. I wouldn't say that I know what applies for everyone, but removing the mental side and dropping back into, the body is probably the first place I would start. 

Becca Powers: I love that and I think that'll, transition us very nicely to creation because the womb in a woman is our center of creation.

We are creation all of what we give birth to, from children, to projects, to love, come from our womb. I knew that I could have this conversation with you based upon our conversation and reading up on you a little bit, I think it's a unique perspective that maybe not every woman has heard before.

So if like how you suggested that you were unable to have your second child, but you knew you had, to give birth to something else, 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: add two. The 

Becca Powers: floor is yours, my friend, 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: I think, you know, it's interesting you mentioned the womb. 'cause I also think the thyroid, which is such an important hormone for women, you it's such a huge epidemic in the country.

For women with thyroid issues, and it's such an important part of conceiving and giving birth, but the thyroid is the creative hormone and it's not a, coincidence that it sits between the mouth and the heart, right? 

Becca Powers: Yes. Uh, 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: so you need both to be able to create and kind of be your most empowered self.

I feel, and I see this from my work with women, that a lot of women are quite shut down on the creativity. Even before they wanna conceive a child. It's just not what they're, and the creative can just be, here's what I believe, here's what I think. Here's my spiritual journey. I know so many people who are in spiritual closet as I call it, where I know they are, their spouse doesn't know their Parents don't know their colleagues don't know. their boyfriend doesn't know their Friends don't know. Do you see the body doesn't like that? That is not regulating yourself. It's kind of lying to yourself. The body's like, but you are this, you're this creative, beautiful, spiritual woman. Exactly. And yet, something there's a part of you that's hidden.

And I find sometimes the fertility journey, the conception journey, before that even happens, there's an invitation to go. How are you lying to yourself? 'cause the body doesn't like this and, babies show up in the body, so the body needs to be filled with that. How are you hating or disapproving of yourself?

 

Becca Powers: Wow. 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: Very important question to ask yourself, especially before creating an environment which is supposed to be full of love for a child. You can't have love for a child and no self-love for yourself. Okay? How have I not forgiven myself? For miscarrying, for getting divorced, for terminating. How have I not forgiven my, the womb and the body can handle all of that, but it cannot handle The unforgiveness.

It cannot handle the shame. It cannot handle the guilt. Do you see? So I find there's so much. It's not even a cleanup job, it's just a love job. this is not a five point to-do list. It's just like, I'm gonna love my past, love my experience, love my choices, love my decisions, love who I am in the world.

And I've always said, it's why I called the book Spirit Mama. It's sort of how do you combine this energy of spirituality? Whatever you wanna call that, Becca. If it's nature, God, love, consciousness, the divine source, grace. I mean, we can keep going. All of them point to love, we can all choose, but they all point to love.

And so for me, love especially of yourself, the body, it's like the foundation for the motherhood energy. That's why I called it Spirit Mama. 'cause those two things together needed to be combined. So. I think the other thing I would say too is just to, set the stage for the creative, however that's gonna come through for you.

I'm gonna speak for myself personally. I was the superwoman, and I don't mean that in an egotistical way. I mean that in an archetypal way where it's like, I had the right boyfriend, I had the right apartment in New York. I had a big job in New York. I was running a $500 million fund at 28 years old.

 I was on the Today Show. I was in Forbes. You see, I even need to take a breath. Right? The body didn't like it that much. Oh gee, the body didn't like it that much. the archetype of the superwoman is not the archetype of the mother, and we think. The archetype of superwoman is the archetype of the mother, and I needed to unravel that even before my first child was born because it's not what our children are asking of us.

They're asking for the humanity and the gentleness and the forgiveness and the authenticity. Do you see? They're not asking for superwoman. And so the more energetic I had towards that, the more it just wasn't happening. 

Becca Powers: I relate to that so much because in my own. Overachieving, high achieving woman state and, mothering during it.

I remember a period of my life where my kids were already in middle school and I realized that all this trying to hit the gold star and all the different buckets. Robbed them of my presence. And I still tear up about it today. 'cause I remember the exact moment when I noticed it. It was like my soul.

It's like one of those moments in time where everything slows down and you're just seeing things differently. And it's probably the same story that's played over and over again, but this time you're just seeing it through a different lens. And I just remembered, I'm like, all my kids want from me. is me.

And it is a spiritual gift to give that to your children. 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: It really is 

Becca Powers: and yourself. 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: for those who are like, oh, I'm not too sure about this spiritual stuff, or even the words, I always sort of say, it's just an energy. And if there's one thing babies are, and kids are, is like their energy.

Kind of scanners. They are scanning your energy. And so I say that so that we scan our own energy, It's like, what's going on in my field? I wanna impress, I wanna prove, I wanna be part of the group. I wanna be good enough. I It's sort of that energy. it's not really you. It's what you think you need to be, but it's not really you.

And so to me, the energy of conception is the energy of creation. But beyond that, it's the energy of love in all its forms. And so for people who are going through fertility challenges, of which I was one, so I relate to this, those bigger challenge was how I treated myself and the things I said to myself and how I disengaged even from my husband sometimes.

Of what I was feeling and telling myself, right? 

 Bring much more suffering in some ways because the invitation is always to go, how do I stay connected to the energy of love? Because love is a lot closer to conception and creation energy than not. so it's not, I can give you 50 things to do from the book, but it's not a to-do list.

Right. it's an awareness and a dropping into, there's something bigger going on here. Yeah. It's not IVF and it's not hormones and it's not yoga and it's not acupuncture. Although I believe in all of those. There's something bigger going on and that's why for me, I wanted to write the book because there must be missing pieces when there's still so much pain and challenges.

Becca Powers: Hundred percent that are going on. And I think the emotional piece is one of the main pieces that's missing. of course. And especially when you have problems conceiving or you have lost a child, you mentioned earlier, but like the shame, the guilt, I mean, those are some of the lowest frequency emotions that we can express as humans.

And like you said, love from a vibrational standpoint is all the way up here. Closest to source, if you wanna say that. And then shame and guilt are almost the things furthest away from it. 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: what I always say is the, the antidote to shame is honor. I honor the fact that this is my body and this is my age and this is what my body, shows up as to go from shame, to honor, to go from guilt, to, I love that, from guilt to forgiveness.

 it's not a huge step. I feel sometimes the children that are gonna come through us or that are going to be around us, they're already teaching us about those arcs before sometimes they've even shown up because it's not even for us, it's for them later on. I love that, like, we are going to need to step into that level of emotional mastery for them.

So it's more like, knock, knock, are you ready for me? the emotional side is it's a huge piece and it's doing it with, a lot of sort of gentleness, which, as a superwoman, we are not trained to be gentle and we're not trained to be patient. And there's so many archetypes. I feel, you know, there's speaking for myself, the addict.

That pushes and pushes and pushes, and I want, and I want, and I'm gonna do it no matter what. I can tell you that the thing that was so clear to me was, wow, this is the one thing in my life I really cannot control. And it was so humbling. But if I can't control it, what can I rest into? What can hold me together.

And that's where I was like, our relationship to life itself is the holding for self. And you can't ask your partner to hold you either. 'cause they're going through their own process. But how does life hold you? And that's where I was like, can we please remember that we have a relationship to life?

And life is asking you to come back into relationship with it. 

Becca Powers: I love that so much and I am looking forward for one to reading your book because I am just so intrigued about the perspective. Thank you. And all of that. I would like to ask you another question, especially about your process and getting here.

You said you interviewed people from different countries and from different angles. What is something that really stood out to you during your research that, I mean, I think we're, it's probably baked into everything that we're talking about already, but I wanted to ask specifically, was there a moment or a specific interview that stood out to you that you were like, oh my God.

Ariane de Bonvoisin: Yeah. Oh, there's so many. But there is sort of one overarching thing that I feel I kept hearing. So my husband's from South Africa, so we, conceived my son there, we birthed him there. So I interviewed a lot of people from Southern Africa. Also interviewed people in Ecuador, in Argentina and Chile and Peru that are more in the shamanic traditions.

I interview people in Bhutan, in India, who are in the Hindu, Buddhist traditions. Like, it's not that I was looking for the religious side of things, but I was looking for, is there a commonality? Because most people would be like, I don't even know where Bhutan is, Or I don't even know where the Galapagos are.

wanted to sort of show that there was a humanity, and the one thing that makes us all humans is that we are all birthed through women and we all go through the same, conceiving pregnancy, birthing journey. And so it makes sense to look for what is the commonality. I think the thing that most, hit me in a good way was how connected some people are and how disconnected some people are to Mother Earth.

So Mother Earth, I think a lot of people are very disconnected to the energy of the planet, the energy of the seasons, the energy of grounding to the earth, the energy of moving water, rivers, oceans, the energy of trees, the energy of walking on the earth barefoot, the energy of the stars, the energy of the moon, you don't think of those things when you're on a fertility journey.

And yet more and more I kept hearing it's like you've gotta get outside, you've gotta get back in touch with the cycle of the earth and nature, especially if your own, you cycle periods. All of those things are not in sync. I think that, to me was one where, and it's stayed with me ever since.

It's sort of how connected you are to Mother Earth is also how connected you are to your own motherhood energy. The seasons that you go through in your body goes through that there were many interviews in South America, there's rituals and ceremonies for the earth on a regular basis, the journey of the moon and there's the journey of, plants. And I was just like, wow, this needs to be more mainstream and it is becoming more mainstream. But there's so much more to be said there. 

Becca Powers: I'm curious, do they have as many infertility issues in southern Africa with those type of practices as we do in the States and in Western?

Ariane de Bonvoisin: They do not. And it's not that, I'm comparing apples for apples. They have children much earlier. 

Becca Powers: Yes. 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: in a good way. They love their bodies. They love their, breasts. They love their bums, they love their thighs. They love, like they are in their body.

 there is no disconnection with the body. There's an honoring, they've got a. Colors. They they know that the journey of conceiving comes through the body. And so the level of health I'm gonna see health esteem could be health esteem too. Self-esteem is very high 

Becca Powers: in 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: like 

Becca Powers: that.

Health esteem. 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: Health esteem in those countries, it's very high. And so having been around those women, it's an infectious energy. Like you become who you spend time with. So I can't tell you, I haven't gone to analyze it. I do know that they find it easier. I also think that their, belief structure.

Let's talk about that for a second. 

Becca Powers: 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: They would never use words like infertility. They would never use words like, trying to conceive. Those are quite harsh on the body. Like I remember I never used those words, and when I coach people, I immediately change the language and the beliefs because, you're locking something in as being the reality and there is no the reality, you in more of a conscious spiritual perspective, there's your reality, which can change at any time. But there's also the miracle field, I Conceiving is a miracle, and being alive is a miracle, and love is a miracle. And so it's like you kind of have to choose, am I going to, you make a stand for my reality or am I gonna step into the miracle field reality?

I feel a lot of the people that I interviewed that, had wonderful journeys. didn't fight to prove that they were too old or that how long they'd been trying, or it wasn't in their conversation. They were in the conversation today and today was everything and anything was possible 

Becca Powers: that is just like, you could see me smiling.

It's just like, I think it's the energy and conscious shift that we just need for humanity. All together. And even for, myself and some of my daily, weekly check-ins I'm human. I spiral all the time and I, see things through like the limited lens of like what I can control and what I can impact.

And this conversation is so healthy in general, but it's such a healthy reminder to remind yourself that that is limited and that you can stop yourself and reconnect with the limitless possibilities and infinite intelligence, and that there's a miracle surrounding us.

 like we're breathing. Like it's such an energetic shift when you can go there and then all of a sudden you're like. My God, things are flowing again. 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: Yeah, 

Becca Powers: they're not, so 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: I always say it's like you have to have like two bodyguards at the doorway of your mind. And sometimes in coaching, I get people to draw them for me, and they draw the Avengers or the Hulk or whatever.

Becca Powers: Yeah. 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: But I literally imagine two bodyguards and it's like, Nope, sorry. You're not coming in. You're not coming in that thought. Even though it's a mainstream thought and it's what? Women have told you to believe or your mother has told you is true. I kind of go, Nope, not my choice. And it literally, it's like a nightclub not allowed in.

This is a really cool, fun place. It's, you, yep. You can come in. But you see it's so important because we are being bombarded with what to think, what to believe, what it means about our fertility, our body, our age. And their thoughts, their beliefs, they're not facts.

And so if they're thoughts and belief, you can be a magnet for them. Oh yes, come on in. Come on in. Or you can kind of go, you know what? Not a match for me. Not a match for me. I'm not on that elevator floor. Sorry, I'm in the penthouse. Those are basement thoughts and beliefs. you just, you didn't reach 

me.

Becca Powers: Yeah, I'm up here so I 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: can't be, I'm at a higher frequency, but it's hard because we live in a world where we are bombarded with the consensus view of life, especially fertility. And I sort of go, you don't have to take that on to be in choice. Consciousness is much higher frequency than being in the consensus consciousness.

Becca Powers: I love that reframe. You here we are. 30 minutes is Almost here. We're almost over. I feel like I could talk to you forever. but I always like to end with an empowering message for the guests. I'll turn it over to you. What empowering message would you wanna share with the listeners today?

Ariane de Bonvoisin: I think what I wanna share is I'd like to invite everyone to have what I call a foot in both worlds. And what I mean by that is that you can be very practical you can do IVF and you can freeze your eggs and you can do everything that is highly practical. You can be highly spiritual and highly conscious and highly connected to source and highly aware of your thoughts, and it's just not a choice.

and to just have a level of open-mindedness that is bigger than has ever been possible because there are things. There might be one thing that is just an invitation for you to try that feels so far out of what you might possibly do, that it might have worked for someone else, and it could be the thing that works for you to, to not have any, like, oh my God, that's not for me, or, I would never do that, or I've never tried that, but to just have this level of openness, right?

This openness does create children in more ways than one, but to have a level of open-minded and open-heartedness and go, you know what? Whatever it takes, I'll try it. Open mind, open heart, and to not, to judge either thing. they're not different worlds, right? It's just to not judge it to go anything's possible.

I'll look at it all. And to do it in the rest of your life too. It's not just in the, conception, fertility 

Becca Powers: journey. 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: Yes. That's where just 

Becca Powers: in the Yes, where I was taking your stuff too. I was like, this is 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: great. Where, else does this apply for me? And just go, let me try that. You know what, why not?

If it can work for me, why not? I'll find out. 

Becca Powers: Why not? 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: I love it. Well, let's transition to how can listeners find your book and how can they follow you? 

 So of course the book is of course, anywhere books are sold. Amazon, we do have a website. It's spirit mama book.com. You can see a few sample chapters.

You can see the table of contents. Just to get a little bit of a sense of, you can hear a little bit more about my Own story. We're on Instagram, also, spirit Mama Official. And then if you wanna just stay in touch with me. My website is my full name, ariane de bon.com. You said 

Becca Powers: it so much better than me.

Ariane de Bonvoisin: The other thing too, I wanted to say is at the back of this book is a, manifesto on basically everything that I wanted to summarize for what it means to be a Spirit mama and we're giving that manifesto away for free. So you can go on the Instagram channel or on the website, and you can download the Spirit Mama Manifesto.

It'll give you a little bit of a sense for what the book is. So please enjoy that and share it with anyone else who hasn't maybe shared the interview, of course, but share the manifesto as well. 

Becca Powers: That's awesome. Well, thank you so much for being a guest. I know I can't stop smiling right now, so I hope the listeners feel the same.

Thank you again for coming on. 

Ariane de Bonvoisin: Thank you, Becca. What a pleasure. Thank you.