Josh

Hi everybody. What a do baby boo. What's up? Oh, chilling. How you

Erin

doing? I'm good. Today is. Today's a a good day Thursday, Today is Thursday. Today's a good day. We just

Josh

got back from Flo Rida, Flo Rat, the west Palms, beaches.

Erin

It was lovely. It was 80 degrees. Was it lovely? It was sunny every day. Oh, the weather was

Josh

epic. How

Erin

was the weather? In

Josh

my head? How was Erin's weather, though is a whole other story.

Erin

there was, there was a bit of anxiety on this trip, I will admit. Yeah. This is the first, this is the first vacation we've been on where I. Self-employed

Josh

tied to a job that you don't clock in and out of,

Erin

Hmm. Yes. Hospital life is, you know, it has, its, uh, Downsides. But also when I leave the hospital, I hand off literally that's what we call it, handoff to another nurse and she takes my job. And that doesn't happen at Ruti

Josh

No, nobody. Nobody takes my job all of the time.

Erin

Yeah. So we're, you know, finding that balance. I used to say I had a hard time empathizing with people that have anxiety, which is a problem cuz we work with a lot of people with anxiety. Uh, but I have more empathy

Josh

now. you had some tough anxiety the past week.

Erin

Oh yeah. Rough. That feeling of just impending doom. I don't know. It's bizarre. It's bizarre because I'm doing work that I feel so passionate about, most of the time I'm in so much flow and I'm loving it. Yeah. But I am very aware. This anxiety is stemming from the fact that I'm doing a lot of new things that are pushing me out of my comfort zone. Yeah. Such as recording my voice on a microphone and putting my face out on the internet. And I dunno, just things that are new and have a potential, or at least feel like. Potential for failure, right? Like I don't allow myself to take risks and fail. I do things that I know are safe. So for me, this feels like a little bit little bit, I dunno. Yep. But you know, it's situational. the anxiety that I feel is very much tied to. this very just newness and so I know it's not gonna last forever. Yeah. I do though need to be more mindful of I'm taking my own advice, you know, doing the. Breath work and tapping and all the things that are grounding and remind me that I am just here now and things are fine. Yeah. Uh,

Josh

but it feels like we're on the cusp of something huge, though.

Erin

It does feel like that. And I think that's why I have all the, the wiggs inside

Josh

Yeah. It felt like with this time around you were in this anxious spiral and I was almost getting more and more giddy because I was like, this is just a sign. This is like a transition. We're about to hit something

Erin

huge We've had plenty of signs from the

Josh

universe. Oh my gosh. Okay. We're gonna have an entire podcast around spirituality. Yes. And the amount of shifts that we've had in our lives because of spirituality, but we have to tell. About the Palm Tree story? Oh yeah, please.

Erin

Okay. So this was probably the most anxious day that I had on our trip. It was Tuesday, which if you follow us on social media, that's toxic. Toxic

Josh

Tuesday,

Erin

which I genuinely love. I love researching, learning. Like for me, it's learning too. I'm, when I teach something, I learn it and it's embedded in my brain. So I really genuinely enjoy doing it, but it does require something of me

Josh

a little context. What for toxin Tuesday. Erin takes toxin Tuesday. Really serious.

Erin

Well, part of it's just that I'm new. Like it takes me a while to record a thing and feel good about it. So what you see looks like it took me five minutes. Right. You know, there's nine, literally 90 seconds of my face on Instagram, but often that video takes me two hours to produce

Josh

I mean, you're prepping a ton of content. Sure. Making sure you're. Saying the wrong things. Yeah, you are making sure you know it well. And so yeah, that takes time. toxin Tuesdays are like a really fun day, but also could cause some anxiety cuz you just. Yeah,

Erin

I gotta present it and I'm just not very tech literate. So half the time I'll record the freaking video, feel great about it. Oh, and then as I'm editing it, I don't know, I, I just have sausage for fingers. I don't know, like, I'll delete the whole thing, y'all. I

Josh

then, I'm be in the book by the pool like, I'm, I don't say anything. I mean, there's huge improvement because before I couldn't even be in the same room while Erin was recording by, oh,

Erin

I needed an

Josh

empty silent house, But now sitting by the pool, she's doing it out. and I hear her like doing all her takes, and then all of a sudden I hear, oh, And I look up and she's like, I just deleted the whole thing. And I was like, oh my gosh. Oh. So then she had to do it all over again. I wish I could say that was the first time. But anyways, I was sitting by the pool, which, there was a pool in our backyard and I really just sat where the sun was, which was on the opposite side of where we would normally sit at the. You had finished your talk. Oh, you could see where I'm sitting in the bull view. Go watch docs and Tuesday. Oh, there you go. Yeah, yeah. So you'll see exactly where this happened. you shot that And I was like, why don't you just come edit it by the pool? Like ground yourself. You look a little spazzed out. Put your feet in

Erin

the water. Yeah,

Josh

chill the F out. So I'm sitting at the corner of the pool listening to a book. Erin's editing the toxin Tuesday and out of nowhere. Which looking back, this had never happened the whole time we were there. No, there's palm trees above us, but it's kind of off to the side. Out of nowhere, a freaking palm tree branch falls and lands directly in the middle of Erin and I and

Erin

we both jumped it, like startled us. So it was flowers. Oh, if the shit

Josh

outta me. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz you heard it crack. So we both flinched and then it boom hit us right in between us. Yeah, it never touched us. Just right in

Erin

between us. And when you look up at the tree, I don't know actually how it landed between us because the tree was kind of back up off to the side

Josh

anyway. Shouldn't have happened. for some reason, I impulse grabbed my phone. I don't know, maybe cuz I was, I don't know. And I pick it up and it's 4 44 and I freak out. And so, which to some people

Erin

means absolutely nothing. I understand that. But to Josh and now to me, yeah. Angelic numbers are a big thing in our life now. Big.

Josh

4 44 means release doubts and keep moving forward in faith. It was like comical

Erin

My whole day was just doubt, doubt, doubt. I was like, am I even cut out for this? Are we even helping people? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like that was the Yeah. Script

Josh

going on in my head. So I turn it to Erin, I'm like, holy shit, it's 4 44. And as I turn into her, my phone vibrates in my hand and so I pull it back to be like, oh, I got a notification. And it was a Ruti order coming in, And I was just like, this is unbelievable.

Erin

And especially you can't deny it, especially unbelievable because this is maybe the fifth or sixth experience of that caliber that has happened to us recently on days where I'm freaking out. Yep. I'll tell more in another podcast, but I've had some supernatural experiences.

Josh

Erin's signs have been extra. Let's just put,

Erin

I thank God the universe knows that I need a, A

Josh

megaphone status. Yeah. Your angel guides are shouting. They are. So, yeah. All right. Another about angel guides. We about to talk about that a lot in the coming podcast. What are we talking about today?

Erin

So we talk a lot about chronic illness. And I feel that in the interwebs, in my experience, a lot of the chronic illness community and there's a time and a place for this, but a lot of it is venting and looking for, I don't know, validation. And yeah. I mean, it's just fucking hard to be, it is chronically sick. Yeah. So it's always been our goal with Ruti to. Bring hope and light. Yeah. Into the chronic illness community. It definitely feels like and humor, because Yeah. You gotta laugh or you might cry

Josh

Yeah. I mean, we didn't, both is fine too. We didn't laugh a lot when we were in it. Nothing feels very funny. No, I I do think that, the years of me being sick, it's so dark.

Erin

Yeah. Certain seasons

Josh

especially. Yeah. You kind of get stuck in that loop of darkness. Yeah. And so I'm hoping with Ruti, with Pick a Lane, that we can be a beacon of hope. Yeah. On be a light like what you're saying, like mm-hmm. in this dark hole that you get stuck in.

Erin

I don chronic illness if anyone's been on the. Chronic illness forums out there, if you search hashtags or which, no shame that No, I mean there's a time and a place for it for sure. Yeah. But I do think people get stuck.

Josh

Yeah. I mean there is a place of validation. Yeah. I definitely felt heard and known inside of that, but yeah. I wanna not make light of the situations, but a giggle every now and then is healthy.

Erin

Yeah. So I today wanted to talk about just how, now that we're kind of on this side of things. Yeah. Which we were just talking on our walk. How crazy that is. Yeah. That we are like, I can confidently say that. Oh, for sure. You

Josh

know? Yeah. It's interesting how the brain kind of. We like blacked it all out. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy. Only when we're like making reels or talking about it with other people. Right. Dude. You're like, holy shit. Like that season was crazy.

Erin

Yeah. Yeah. Today a friend reposted a reel and she's just in the thick of chronic illness and it Yeah. Just shot me back there and I was like, holy shit. That was our life for a, you know, a lot of mm-hmm. Four years, five years. Yeah. Anyway, Now that we are kind of on this side of things looking I wanna talk about the gifts, I guess. Mm. If you can call them that. Yeah, for sure. You know, I'm not the one that was chronically sick, so I, I'm tempted to more ask you some of the questions. Yeah. I mean, I definitely have picked up some gifts along the way, my first question, and I'm very curious to hear your answer to this. If you could change things, if you had the power to, to do that, would you have, chosen chronic illness? Would you change it if you could?

Josh

I hope I would've fucking learned an easier way. Yeah, that's for sure. I don't, I mean, Yeah, that's really hard to even compute in my brain. Mm-hmm. of like what life would look would have looked like without chronic illness. I think in so many ways that has shaped me into who I am. Oh, yeah. I mean, where I was when we got married versus where I am now, I am very literally a completely different person. So different, which, I mean, that's part of life in so many different ways. Mm-hmm. but the chronic. Breaks you down to your rawest form. And then through healing, I was able to build myself back up and almost not necessarily reinvent myself, but I think for so long. I was an adrenaline junkie who couldn't get enough. And, then you go to therapy and you realize I was just running from literally everything. Mm mm-hmm. And so,

Erin

so you're saying that some of those things you think contribute to, for

Josh

me personally, it did. Yeah. But I think as I healed, I was able to find my truest self. Yeah. And I don't necessarily know if I would've ever been able to do that, because I would've never slowed down. Yeah. I always had empathy for other people. Mm-hmm. but not in the sense that I do now. Mm-hmm. and there's such a emotional connection to that, that I wouldn't have remotely even given anybody time to connect with like that if I had not gone through it myself. I mean, I had hopes and dreams and plans and those all went to shit honestly, for the better. I mean, I'm excited. Be able to use my story and my expertise even just all we do on the e-commerce side with Pique How we know how to build these brands and how we know how to reach people and for once finally, we can do it for good. Yeah. Not that we were doing it for bad before. It just, it feels, felt purpose. Empty. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. and I always had a desire to do something purposeful, but I don't know if I ever would have, if I didn't get knocked on my ass for a couple years and totally ripped to shreds. Yeah. So yeah, I think there was a couple things that I was navigating through prior to chronic illness that I don't even know if I necessarily would've attended to if I hadn't gotten so sick I was at that point where we were. Literally grasping at anything that had a remote ounce of hope. Yeah. Connected to it. even like my mental health and going to therapy and doing EMDR and deconstructing my faith and then building it back up into what I actually believe and becoming a spiritual side of me that I had never remotely even tapped into. Yeah. Growing up or. Feelings. I just wasn't taught how to interact with any of my emotions or what they were supposed to look like. Anything that was sad, that had anything outside of happiness, yeah. I would just steer away from it. Mm-hmm. and either I would protect myself by being louder, funnier, crazier off the wall. Mm-hmm. or I would just completely detach and either like go into a hole or physically detach myself and go somewhere else. Mm-hmm. Anybody that had, not even, like, I wouldn't even consider it baggage. if there was like emotional dysregulation or if something was hard mm-hmm. I didn't want to be a part of it. Yeah. And now I feel like I can meet people in most places, even if I don't understand it, I'm not scared to be with them in whatever they're in.

Erin

That's beautiful. Yeah. We've never really talked about that

Josh

before. No, we haven't.

Erin

The, um, spiritual side of healing. I mean, I'm reading Eckhart totally right now, so obviously that's on the forefront of my mind. Yeah. But I think people underestimate

Josh

Yeah. That for sure. You have a lot of time,

Erin

Yeah, that's so true. That's what it is. Uhhuh. you're just kind of forced to go inward. A

Josh

hundred percent. You don't have to have an option. It's like that. Or crumble. there's so many different types of layers of inward that you have to navigate through inside of chronic illness, because I think it first starts with, what the fuck is wrong with me? Yeah, it's all physical. Yeah. It's all 3D Yeah. I mean, for the majority of my chronic illness, my body was my enemy. Yes. Because it just felt like it was a war against my consciousness. it was my enemy

Erin

too, honestly. Yeah. Oh, for sure. I

Josh

loathed your body Yeah, Stop it. And I had baseline had body insecurities. I've always struggled with All types of body image problems. Mm-hmm. and things like that. So at a baseline, I wasn't a fan of my body to begin with. Interesting. We weren't like best friends that's for sure. even growing up and thinking about that, was a almost a dissociation. Mm-hmm. with my body. And so that's

Erin

so common. People don't even realize that they're not

Josh

living in their bodies. Agree. Yes, And so I think that when I got sick, It kind of only solidified the thoughts that I've always had about my body. interesting, I was able to finally establish a war against it that like it was fucking me over and, wanting me to die. Mm-hmm. which is what it felt like for so long. I think part of my sickness, I don't know how old I was, 25, 26 when it first started happening. I think there was a level of maturity that had to happen and growth that needed to occur that was going to happen regardless just of life and getting older. But I think with that growth and maturity through the chronic illness, I was able to calm those thoughts and see how strong I was and that my body was literally the exact opposite of an enemy and was fighting. as much as it could. Was doing everything and the symptoms in and of itself. Was it screaming for help? Yes. I was able to build empathy into myself, which then, I mean, Yung Pueblo talks about that all the time. The only way you're gonna be able to love others if you, you love yourself. Yeah. And when we found Bio Energetics and I started to get answers on symptoms, it felt like I was able to begin loving myself again and then grow into.

Erin

I was gonna ask you when the shift was like when it turned from Enemy

Josh

to I think that was it. It was maybe started in Nashville before we left, maybe even a little bit before the bioenergetics.

Erin

EMDR seemed to,

Josh

was huge. Yeah. But also meditation was just a, yeah. Game changer for me. I mean, EMDR was huge. unearthed a lot of things that happened in my life that some of'em I didn't even remember. Yeah. e EMDR was not mainstream when I did it, that's for sure. you think it wasn't a topic people were talking about all the time. That's true. Yeah. it was kind of our almost initial effort of. Maybe I'm sick because I have so much trauma. Yeah. I don't, do you

Erin

remember that? Don't, I don't think we ever thought that that was the root cause. I think I knew there was multiple things at play. Yeah. But I just kept reading Totally. And hearing about, you know, the, book that everybody has heard of now, but the Body Keeps Score. Yeah. and I knew it was probably mm-hmm.

Josh

contributing. Right around that time too, inside of EMDR was when I was kind of deconstructing my faith. Grew up in the evangelical church and identified myself as a Christian, and then I always struggled with that. Mm-hmm. throughout pretty much my entire high school, and then into adult life and things started to crumble inside of that with me just asking some questions. that was happening while I was going through e emdr. Yeah. And so I think me being able to identify those things to help me deconstruct maybe a little quicker than if I would've done it on my own. Mm-hmm. but then I was kind of left with nothing. This after emdr, I hadn't reconstructed anything. I just felt like I was fucked over. Yeah. In various ways. Did

Erin

you ever I think we maybe briefly talked about this once or twice, was there ever a time where you felt like, your illness was punishment all, all

Josh

the time for leaving church. Yep. A hundred percent. I felt like my lukewarmness or my swaying from the evangelical God mm-hmm. that's why this was happening to me. Interesting. Mm-hmm. for sure. And there was a lot of fear in that. So much. Yeah. And I worked through some of that in EMDR Yeah. I don't think it was until I found meditation and alternative ways of approaching spirituality did I actually start to be able to recognize what fit for me. Yeah. it was difficult because I don't know a deconstruction or like some people call it a deconversion. Mm-hmm. and then you're reconstructing whatever you choose to. That's a lonely road.

Erin

Well, yeah. Especially when it, I mean, that was our entire lives, our social circle.

Josh

Oh, everything.

Erin

At first it

Josh

felt like the hole that everyone talks about when you Yes. Like that's because God isn't filling it's a Jesus size toll in your heart. Yeah. That's for sure how I identified it at first, but I think when you're chronically ill, whatever you're going through, you have a lot of time in your hands. Yeah. And. You spent a lot of time thinking a lot of time in

Erin

bed.

Josh

Yeah. a lot. some of it is just like in fight mode with your brain mm-hmm. where you're constantly navigating really dark, tough thoughts. And then other times you're like, well, I have nothing else to do. Let me try to theologically reconstruct whatever I believe about this universe that I'm sitting on. Yeah. yeah, I, I felt like some of it was productive. Mm-hmm. I don't necessarily know if I ever was able to grasp onto anything. until I started to heal. Mm-hmm. And I think that's why I'm so passionate about the tools that we now know work so well and we're watching so many heal, is I feel like I couldn't even identify myself until I started healing. Yeah. And I mean, my identity was stripped. Mm-hmm. gone. or I deconstructed my faith. I didn't even look like myself. Mm-hmm. I had lost literally everything. Different. Yeah. Everything. and some of it is dysregulation inside of all the shit that was inside of my body. that you're working through in chronic illness. Mm-hmm. So you don't even feel like yourself. You dissociate you. Mm-hmm. start to have thoughts you never used to have. You look at yourself, it doesn't even look like the person, you know? Mm-hmm. your body's not functioning how you want it to. I would tell my right arm to move and it was tough to move. Yeah. You feel like your consciousness just exists. Yeah. And life is happening to you instead of you navigating through life yeah. And then, your entire circle disappears because of that. Yeah. For valid reasons but like even family members have no idea. Yeah. Nobody could really see behind the No, yeah, maybe you and Laura would be the, yeah. Two people that maybe could understand the most, but even, immediate family outside of that, I was changing so much all the time that it was impossible. people to meet me where I was at. Yeah. It would've never been possible. Yeah. So I think that's what I mean about it being a pretty lonely journey. Yeah. With spirituality in general though, I do believe that each individual needs to find their own spirituality. I believe that now, and that external influences will always exist, but mm-hmm. you have to get there on your own. Yeah, and so chronic illness, I felt like expedited that a little bit because for sure, it would've probably taken me in there 10 years to be where I'm at now with my spiritual life. which we could have an entire podcast about spirituality and will. Yeah. for those types of reasons. Chronic illness looks less like something that happened to me and more a gift for me. Mm-hmm. because of how much it impacted me. Yeah.

Erin

in the moment, we probably would never, would've been able to

Josh

hear that. Well, I wouldn't have even remotely said that. Years.

Erin

Right. So it's years ago not something I would say necessarily to somebody who's in the thick of it. Like, this is a

Josh

gift. No. And I mean a gift in a way that, oh, here's a fucked up life for six years, seven years, or even more. Yeah, For me personally, I don't necessarily know if I would've ever come to where I'm at now if I didn't go through something like that. Mm-hmm. yeah, I would've wasted away a lot of my life and probably for the rest of my life, I would've.

Erin

I don't know. Yeah, that's interesting. So it allowed, yeah. So it allowed you to kind of tap into your inner knowing or truest self, highest self, whatever. Yeah. You wanna call it. But that is a hard thing to do when things are rainbows and butterflies,

Josh

Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, Honestly, even if life is hard, it's a lot different than chronic illness. Yeah. Situations will happen to you. That's life. You lose a job. Yeah. Or something's tough in your personal life or whatever. Mm-hmm. it's just so different because you know that season's gonna pass. Yes.

Erin

That's so Trues chronic illness is like dot, dot, dot

Josh

And. So many doctors told me it was never going to end. Yeah. That this was just life now. Yep. you kind of succumb to that. we had literally tried almost everything outside of extremes, like doing hypothermia, sedation and things like that. Mm-hmm. we had tried so much. Yeah. I was at the point where I wasn't even remotely giving anything the option to give me hope because. everything had stripped that away from me, so. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You never fucking know if it's ever gonna end. I

Erin

think that was the hardest part. Yeah. For me, I mean, just watching you suffer was really hard, Yeah. Not knowing if there was an end. I think I always had hope. I knew. Myself and I knew that I'm not gonna allow this to go on forever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I will go to the ends of the earth to figure this out. But yeah, there was definitely days where I would have the thought like, what if this is just the way it is?

Josh

that shift. Mm-hmm. when we found bioenergetic testing, we were in the primetime spot for a shift. Yeah. Oh. I mean,

Erin

we were at rock bottom. I think Yeah.

Josh

There was a, there was a rock bottom, but I think there was a level of open mindedness that had to exist. Yeah. In order for us to receive mm-hmm. something like that. Yep. We weren't even necessarily dabbling in that type of healing. Or the woowoo. Or Yeah. even the science, we were just done. I had given up. Yeah. Yeah. But I think that through meditation, through

Erin

which I wanna ask you about meditation really quick because I think. I mean, you and I are very different. Meditation Yeah. For you is like your jam. It's very difficult for me, which maybe I'm just not evolved. I don't know. But I would rather much rather do breath work. some of their somatic work. But when you started meditating Yeah. Did you right away connect with it? Because I feel. Often people are told when they're struggling with Whether it's emotional, physical, whatever, issues. To meditate. But like, that's

Josh

hard when you Yeah. It's super hard. My brain is never not on mm-hmm. And so it was a tool for me to quiet it for a moment and. Be inward, and that's not something I ever did. even in my faith, I never went inward. Yeah. so meditation was my gateway drug to navigating. My self-conscious. Okay. I don't, I can't remember. It was, that was early on when I start I would like do like the Headspace app

Erin

or something. Oh yeah. That was your, first Yeah. One when we had just been to your P C P. We're not getting answers. we were looking into adrenal fatigue. I remember being like, I think we need to figure out how to, how to calm you

Josh

Yes. Totally. Well, that was what it was. I mean, I was in an essentially an anxiety attack for 20 out of 24 hours of a day. I would do anything just to like give me some peace for a moment. And so meditation helped with that. It helped me reregulate in many ways. I think I was able to identify more things inside of my body, like just matching my breath or yeah, being more hyper aware of certain things, like my heartbeat or mm-hmm. That was impactful. I think where I made the most gigantic shift inside of my meditations was when I decided to do like a full year straight. I did the gratefulness series where every single day I posted three things I was grateful for. That was when kind of Covid started. Yeah. before that I would meditate when I was sick, and then I wouldn't be sick and yeah, I'd stop meditating. I didn't need it anymore. Mm-hmm. this time I decided to go straight. What that showed me was because I got sick halfway through it. Mm-hmm. that flexed a new muscle for sure. And I think that's where the open-mindedness began because I started to go even more inward. One cause I had more time cuz I couldn't do anything else. Mm-hmm. And then two, I felt like I was always scared. Scared to what? Go inward. Whatever I was gonna find. Yeah. Because it wasn't gonna be good. I knew that yeah. I think that's when thing started to shift. Mm-hmm. drastically. And then Like spiritually

Erin

or physically or both?

Josh

Both. Oh, cool. Yeah. That open mindedness was my initial gateway to healing. Even though bio ejects, I had to go through, yeah. Extensive amounts of remedies and things like that to heal. but I don't know if I would've necessarily received it without mm-hmm. this, you know, the brief season before. Right.

Erin

That's fascinating. The open-mindedness was kind of the top of my list as I was thinking through like, what is a gift that I, yeah. Got through this. Yeah. I don't, this might be kind of like controversial to say, but there are days where I wonder if. Like, I wonder how many people could heal mm-hmm. via spirituality alone. Like I think for a lot of people you've got to address mm-hmm. several of the physical 3D things for sure. Via, you know, we used bioenergetic testing to do that in order to be able to, to balance to some of that. Yep. But yeah, sometimes, I mean, that's just like something I like to think about. I'm like, I wonder how much of this stuff could be Because I. You know, as I learn more about energy and frequencies and the structured water that surrounds our dna Yeah. And our connective tissue and it's frequency of thought and all of these things, it plays a part in our biology. I do.

Josh

Yeah. I agree with that. And I think that dependent on the illness for this is a very, for sure of the illness, I think is kind of where I would land in. Camp, I guess. I felt a shift where the tool of bioenergetics helped me heal to a point that then my healing skyrocketed. Yeah. Because I was able to tap into things that I was even not even remotely capable of touching. Mm-hmm. because of how. Consumed and congested. My body was with fighting off all of these other toxins Yeah. So, yeah, I think there's levels of it, for sure. Mm-hmm.

Erin

that's one thing I wish I. really instill in every client that I work with without freaking them out. Yeah. Because people so underestimate the power of belief And the power of thought because I mean, there are literally studies of surgeries. I think it's an orthopedic, I think it is something with back surgery. Okay. I can't remember. I'll have to find it. Essentially they have done multiple studies now where the placebo surgery, so they literally go in, they cut the person. That's interesting. And the person doesn't know whether or not they've had the actual intervention. And the placebo outperforms. Oh, that's fascinating. The actual intervention. Yeah. And yet they still continue doing the surgery for. Of course, because, you know, I mean, I do think doctors want to be able to help people and that feels like their tool to help is the scalpel. So get

Josh

it there. Certain personalities that can tap into that. And then there's others that may never experience that. True.

Erin

So, yeah. So for various reasons, so whether you are having a surgery, whether you are taking herbals or homeopathics mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Or pharmaceutical. It is in the literature that if you believe it's working You have a better chance of it actually working. And so if there's that seat of doubt if there's that seat of doubt you're setting yourself up. For failure. So like that is another spiritual work that people need big time to do because it's gonna hold you back. So, yeah, I remember you doing all those. it started with I'm healing even though you didn't maybe feel like you were healing it. No, I didn't even believe that yet. Yeah. But you just kept saying it. I'm healing. I'm healing. Oh yeah. I'm healing. And then one day you were like, you know what? I don't feel like I'm healed yet, but I'm gonna just, I'm healed. I'm healed. And every day I'm healed. That was it. We, humans are complicated beasts.

Josh

whether it's mantras, you have to have some sort of belief. Yeah. I think for chronically ill people, you've lost all hope. You don't believe anymore. I didn't for sure. I think there were multiple levels of healing that needed to happen in order for me to get there though. Yeah. So I, I felt like I was that sick. Yeah. I know many people are as well, That's why I think I'm so passionate about the tool of bioenergetics is because, It alone isn't healing you. Like your body is powerful. Yes. It's doing the work. Yeah. And like yeah. Herbals, homeopathics, nutritional supplements. Yeah. They're like AIDS in your healing. Mm-hmm. It is a tool. It in and of itself is not healing you. Right. Like you're doing that. Yep. I want to get people healthy enough with this tool as an aid to have them be able to tap in. Yeah. Tap, tap taping But for real, we're watching it. Like I was on a call with somebody today that is for sure healed. Yeah. And was close to as sick as I was for sure. And we had a similar chronological healing journey. Yeah. I mean, that dude's on another level. He, he's rolling, I mean, rolling. he's impacting people left and right. Yeah. That would've never remotely been impacted with him being sick. Yep. But it took him having a turning point, mentally shifting that like, I could do this. But that can't happen until you get to a point in your healing journey mm-hmm. because your brain doesn't have the capacity. Yeah. I just want every chronically ill person to feel that I

Erin

know, I know. Me too. And we often say this on our Ruti platforms, we are holding hope. Yeah. When people can't, because we've been there mm-hmm. and like there are gonna be days that feel just utterly hopeless. So just if you're out there and you're listening. And today's a hopeless day. We've got hope for you. Yeah. We're holding onto hope for you. We genuinely, with every fiber in my being mm-hmm. I believe that you are already healing And will be healed.

Josh

The empathy and compassion and sympathy and tenderness that exists inside of the chronic illness community is unmatched. Mm-hmm. we've been through the ringer, and I don't care if you've been sick for a couple months versus being sick for a couple years. Any length of time, that's not just like a come in and come out illness. Do you actually have that type of experience and come out of it? Bland, yeah, it shifted my perspective on people. Yeah, the uniqueness inside of chronic illness, I think we see a different depth of hell. we're there for a long time There's a layer that's stripped away from you that I don't necessarily know if you ever get back. Mm-hmm. And so, and I'm okay with that. I think for a while I was kind of pissed at that, that I hoped that I would like get back to this ideal place that I wanted inside of like what my identity was and who I was at a person. yeah, I think You leave them behind with the chronic.

Erin

Yeah, we um, have talked a little bit about that before, but there were definitely times where I would wish and long for, I guess the pre,

Josh

sick

Erin

Josh. Yeah. We would

Josh

joke about that

all

Erin

the time. Yeah. It's hard now cuz I don't, it's been so long since I've had him. do you miss him? I miss parts of him. Mm-hmm. I like this Josh a lot. I don't miss him at all. I don't wanna say that you're better. I like both versions of you. Yeah. But there is a depth and a richness and I don't know. Seasoned. But that is really.

Josh

Good. Yeah. There was a time inside of that healing journey where I had to mourn that, that like

Erin

I remember sitting in the Fosner's

Josh

backyard. Yeah. I like sobbed. Yeah. We were listening to all the seven. I'm a seven on the Enneagram. We were listening to that song that that dude made about the seven, nine grams. Mm-hmm. which is like brutally accurate. And yeah, I just sobbed because it felt like that was me and it wasn't me then. And I think in so many different ways, it's still not me.

Erin

I mean, you're still a seven on the Enneagram. Oh yeah, for sure. But you are You're just capable of depth. You're capable of, slowing down. I mean, I think the line in that song. Like, I wanna be there to watch the ones I love. Bloom, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. so often sevens are just busy, collecting experiences. And avoiding pain at all costs. Mm-hmm. and you were just forced to sit in pain for five years. A seven's worst nightmare. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And, but it's allowed you now to find tools that do Yeah. Help you to quiet your mind And be still and look inward and watch the ones you love Bloom. Yeah. Like that may not have happened. I, I like this, Josh.

Josh

Yeah, I do too. I feel like I know myself more than I ever have. Mm-hmm. I feel like I'm the most confident in my identity than I ever have been. I have my insecurities, but it's not in my identity, that's for sure. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, and I feel like I've been able to tap into my consciousness on a level that I didn't know was possible. Mm-hmm. I don't ever want to go through an ounce of what I went through mm-hmm. but I am who I am because of it. Mm-hmm. And so now I feel like I have an obligation to not let it go to waste. Yeah. I was using the word like conviction yesterday or something, and that I like feel it in my bones. I was given a second chance is what it feels like. I wouldn't be here right now. Mm-hmm. if I, if I didn't find something soon. Yeah.

Erin

meaning because you were

Josh

Oh yeah. It was given up. It was, it got really dark there right before we found bioenergetics. Mm-hmm. and I didn't really talk about that a ton. Yeah, it got really, really dark I think I had physically given up. I just kind of succumbeded to whatever this was. Mm-hmm. and I wasn't willing to live like this for the rest of my life. Mm-hmm. So I want everyone to get a second chance. Yeah. Because I know they can. I'm watching it left and right now. Yes. It's awesome. We are watching clients Get their, and get their spark back. Yeah. It's not e it's, it's different. Like they're not even the same person. Yeah. Well you can't be Yeah. It's impossible to be pre sick person. Yeah. It'll never happen. The

Erin

spark is more for the people that come with some general like Yeah. Fatigue. Mm-hmm. anxiety, That's fun too. But I think because we lived.

Josh

Like the guy that I was on a call with, I guarantee you he's not the same person. Yeah, he can't be. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. So I'm thankful for that and I'm also now super thankful I get to be a part of those journeys with other people. Yeah. Mm-hmm. you're deep black. How do you, I mean, you obviously, I haven't had chronic illness, thankfully. Right. But you were as close as you could be without having chronic illness, Yeah. To chronic

Erin

illness. You front

Josh

row seat to chronic illness. You, you changed significantly through this as well. Yeah, a lot. Yeah. Where do you think you changed the most? Because.

Erin

I do think the open-mindedness thing was probably the biggest shift for me. Mm-hmm. I think in two philosophies of thought. Yeah. So in my faith and then in my practice, like as a nurse, I was just taught a completely different framework than what I am into now. So both of those were kind of blasted, blasted, open. I also think, I'm trying not to just repeat everything that you said, but I do think compassion. I worked in the PICU for a long time, for sure. I've walked through people, or I have walked with people Yeah. Through the hardest days of their life for for sure. You know, like tragedies and mm-hmm. it was always, This sounds morbid, but it was like my favorite part of the job. I loved being the one Yeah. That could put an arm around a mom Totally. Who was just sobbing, like, yeah. That felt like such a, a gift I was able to give, I don't know. Mm-hmm. But when it was in my home, Yeah. That hit different And I found myself feeling less compassion than I would've thought towards you at times. Same. Like. would feel more irritation. Mm-hmm. at times. like, I never thought you were making it up, but I just remember being like, none of this makes sense. Totally. Like it has to be you mm-hmm. Are causing this. Mm-hmm. And I would never say that out loud, but Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure you felt that energy For sure. For me. Mm-hmm. I just think that was my stress response. Like that was my, Not healthy coping mechanism at the time. Sure. I was completely avoiding what was going on. I remember at one point early on, we were probably a few months into this Yeah. Whole thing. Mm-hmm. and it's like every day you would tell me a new symptom. Yeah. I mean, I was just completely confused and stumped. Yeah. And would just kind of blow you off. Because I didn't have an answer. And one day you just said like, Erin, I'm not telling you these things because I want sympathy, like I'm, this is my life. Yeah. And we need to figure this out. And then it, I think that kinda like shook me out of it. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. to some degree. that's when I started researching Yeah. And reading and trying to figure shit out. But me to, I guess believe people Yeah. Like totally whether it was my patients at work that. Being sent through the same You know, circus that you were Yeah. I just, believed people. Because why the fuck would you make it up? Exactly. Like that's the most bizarre thing to me is that

Josh

healthcare providers, and honestly, even if you were making it up there needed to be healing. Yeah. You know? Yes. Like, I don't even remotely care if somebody's making it up. Yeah. Like, I'll meet you there too. Right. If it's in your head or if it's in your body. Yeah. Regardless of either way, it needs yields. Yeah. A hundred percent.

Erin

Yeah. I mean, the two are intricately connected. Sure. So it's never just one or the other. But So I think those were kind of the biggest things, but I mean, it could just completely flipped our life on its head. It did in a good way. At the end, you know, on this side of it. But

Josh

yeah, when I was healed, when I felt like I wasn't scared for whatever was around the corner. inside of my entire being on a cellular level. Yeah. that was the most life changing point in my life. Mm-hmm. specifically spiritually, I think the depth just, it just got really deep, really fast. That shift that I've had inside of my being. This is who I was always genuinely. Yeah. Yeah. You know, this is three year old Josh. Yes. When you know, nothing bad had happened yet. Yeah. And it feels like I'm tapping into that. Ugh. That's so beautiful. I know. Yeah. And that's what I want people to experience. I don't care what it looks like for them. We talked about that on the first podcast. go be free. Like if that's a,

Erin

a private jet and a beach house

Josh

like, I'm supporting you. Yeah. So hardcore. But yeah, I shifted and I think you did too. I think as I healed, you were healing in your own ways. It wasn't from chronic illness, but you were finding yourself too. I think anybody with a partner especially, you're kind of like relearning yourselves. Well, sure. What your relationship looks like. I was so codependent on you. I had to be. Yeah. Because I couldn't do shit. And then I'm like, oh, I'm an independent now I N D E B E N D.

Erin

And then I'm like, now what am I supposed to

Josh

do? right? Yeah. So yeah, there was a lot of, know, evolving. Mm-hmm. and. I don't know, rebuilding what our relationship looked like, what our relationship with others look like. Mm-hmm. And it still is. Yeah.

Erin

I do think your illness was a great excuse for me Yeah. To do. None of the above. What you talked about. And I just in the last year or so have discovered this magic Yeah. That you describe mm-hmm. Within myself. Yeah. And I, I think I used to read Young Pu Blow and be kind of confused by it all. But in the last year, this realization that heal yourself. To heal the world It. It's fucking

Josh

true. It's the simplest, most profound yes statement you can make in life. Yeah,

Erin

yeah, yeah. Because it just opens up this deep Endless, Bucket of for sure. Opportunity. Yep. When you were tapping into that magic within a hundred. Yep. I mean, it's what Eckhart totally talks about too. it was really easy for me to avoid while you were sick. Sure. It just, I don't know, it felt like too much work. And now it's, it still feels like work, but it's magic work. It's, yeah. Yeah. It's fun. Hmm.

Josh

proud of us. Me too. We've been through it and we're on the other

Erin

side. We have, I, there are so many times where I look back at our life and I. how are we still together? And yes, I am in love. Mm-hmm.

Josh

and Yeah. Genuinely. I am. I know. Yeah.

Erin

Yeah. We've changed a lot. Mm-hmm. And I'm thankful that we both have because one of us could have left the other in the dust several times for sure. Along the way for, but yeah, for sure. Yeah. I love you. I love you too. And I love all of you guys. Thanks for listening,

Josh

guys. Love you, mom. It's always moms. You may now go back to your normal day, the end. Bye.