Am I Too Ambitious? Inside the Life of a Young Entrepreneur Ife Obasa

In this episode of the Girls in Property podcast, host Athena Dobson sits down for an inspiring conversation with Ife Obasa, a young female entrepreneur, leader, and advocate for authenticity and resilience. Athena first met Ife at the London All Bright event celebrating International Women’s Day, where Ife shared powerful insights about her experience as a young entrepreneur from her country. Together, they explore the importance of embracing your story, the hidden power of rejection, and the journey to overcoming limiting beliefs. Ife reflects on her experiences as a young woman in business, offering valuable perspectives on ambition, relationships, and staying true to yourself in today’s world. The episode wraps with the exciting introduction of Ife’s new book — a practical guide designed to support young leaders as they navigate influential spaces with confidence.

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Transcript

0:01

Good morning everyone and welcome to another episode of the Girls in Property podcast. How is everyone doing at this moment in time? I hope everyone is literally getting straight into June, straight into July and just having the most amazing, amazing time, whether it's leading up to the school holidays, whether you are thinking to yourself, do you know what, Athena, I've got this amazing project going on at the moment, or just surviving, taking the kids to school, whatever it is, I hope that you're having the most amazing time. um Today I have somebody on this podcast who I met a couple of months ago at an event called the Albright event and I have to say I heard her speak and when she was speaking literally you could hear a pin drop in the room like she was absolutely amazing she is so inspirational with everything that she is doing and I knew I needed to get her on the podcast to just have a conversation and just hopefully inspire uh everybody today listening to this episode. You are in for such a treat. So today I would love to introduce Ife Obasa. Hey Ife! Hello Athena lovely to meet you again do you know what? We got there in the end, didn't we? Like this morning, trying to get this podcast to work has been interesting, hasn't it? Monday morning, 9.30. First we had issues with my laptop, then I couldn't get my camera to work. Then we literally pressed start record and then if phase one was like, no, you don't have enough storage, literally. But do know what we both said to each other? This is like a testament to problem solving. It's a testament to... We're not going to give up. not going to say, let's record this another day. We're going to keep going. And we're going to have the most amazing episode as a result of it. Yeah, I love it. So as I said in the introduction, I've been wanting to get you on this podcast for ages because as so many of the listeners know, this podcast is so much more than just talking about property. It's about really actually understanding who we are as people and forget property for the moment. It's about, okay, this is who I am, or this is who I think that I am. Yeah. who do I wanna be? And how do I actually take those steps to get me to the next level when I know that there's something in me that either needs to evolve or change or just develop, as it were. And I think that's what I would love to talk to you today and inspire so many other women like yourself uh to just make a change and to just do something different with their life and help others. um So the floor is yours first of all, Ife. I would love for you So first of all, introduce yourself because I think there is so much about you that I think everybody needs to know. So please introduce yourself, tell everybody kind of like your background and how you got to be who you are today and maybe something interesting about yourself that maybe other people wouldn't know. And then we'll take the conversation from there. No worries. I always kind of struggle sometimes with introductions and the reason being is a lot of multifaceted people probably relate. You don't know which part of yourself to introduce or talk about. But I am a recent law graduate from the University of Southampton. I graduated last year and in the year since graduating I didn't want to go into work straight away so I decided to focus on, as Athena said, speaking. That's something that I do but also building out a coaching program that I run. for young women, a young leaders community that I run for young leaders and actually writing. I published a book a couple of months ago for young people. And so what I do or who I am, what I'm about at the moment is everything from youth advocate to a young leader, to a coach, author, speaker. So you can think of anything to do personal branding. That's kind of where I'm at at the moment. And I'd say, you know, one of the things I do want to say Many people don't know about me. It's kind of a fun fact that I love to always share is that I've held a baby alligator on my head. And the reason why I want to share that is I think it kind of speaks to the spontaneity, the adventurous side of who I am. As much as I love a structure and I'm quite organized, I also believe in adventure, know, exploring things, getting to know what you like, what you don't like. And yeah, I think in doing that, I realized that, you know what, holding a baby alligator isn't as hard. or as scary as it seems. And so I've got many more plans. I want to go bungee jumping. I want to do lots of things. I've done snorkeling already. And I think that really sums up my journey so far that while I'm very dogged and quite ambitious, I'm also quite adventurous. I like to try new things. And if it doesn't work, we pivot, which I'm sure we'll probably get into as most business people can understand that. Yeah, how hilarious is that? I love how you're like, I need to work out if I want to hold a baby alligator on my head. So I'm going to do it to work it out if I want to do that. That is so funny. I've never met anyone in my life who has held a baby alligator on their head. Do you know what? I feel like I need to do this in my life. I feel like why haven't I held a baby alligator on my head? It was in Florida, was like a Forrest Gump type of setting and yeah, it was an attraction, a tourist site. But it was sort of very like, you you kind of look at it and be like, are you sure this is for tourists? But I remember at the end of the tour on the moat that we were on, they said, does anyone want to hold one? Everyone else around us were like, no, my parents were like, you definitely should. And I was like, you know what, let's just give it a go. One massive thing on my head, but yeah, it was cool. I think. Yeah, mean, to be honest, can relate. Businesses can be a lot, you know, running a business, especially when you're at the early stages and it's just yourself. But there's the adventure as well, right? The adrenaline that keeps you going. And yeah, that's why I decided to share that fun fact. I do you know what? Brilliant, brilliant fun facts. And also can I just say I love the fact your parents volunteered you to hold the baby alligator, not themselves. They're like you, if a, you should definitely do it. vacant, that's what it's. See, I love this and I love that question because I didn't know that about you. So that is, you should start your, all your presentations with that. think it's brilliant. And also, can you please tell the listeners, and I think it's important for the listeners to know, can you please, because you are, and the reason I'm asking this is a very specific question, is because you are a huge advocate for young business entrepreneurs. You have written your book. You are inspiring young minds out there. Can you please set the scene before we begin this podcast by telling everybody how old you are, please? yeah, I'm 23, so as young as it comes and I'm very proud actually to talk about my age or at least talk about how I'm young because I want to encourage other young people that it's possible to make a bit of noise in your community, to start something, or at least to make change within your community because I think sometimes we think it has to always be big on a stage or nationally recorded, but you can start with what you have. And we need more young people to take up space. So I've decided to say, no more waiting for others, around 16, 17, when this journey started. And I just took up space myself and it's making opportunities for me, it's opened doors for me, but I wouldn't be able to get those opportunities if I didn't just start. So to every young listener of this podcast, please be encouraged. I'm 23 and... I don't kind of look at my age and think, I shouldn't really go for this, or I shouldn't speak there, or I shouldn't take this opportunity. I'm like, no, this is a superpower, so I'm gonna leverage it as much as I can. Absolutely, and like I said, when I heard you speak at the Albright event, which the theming was around International Women's Day, that's why the event was put on. Specifically, the event was called Step Forward. And when you did that and you stepped forward on the stage, genuinely, you could hear a pin drop because of the way that you spoke, the message that you wanted to convey was so powerful. And at 23, I think that is absolutely incredible. we had the Girls and Property Retreat that happened in April and I gave a little prize out for the youngest woman in the room there and the youngest woman in the room there was 22 years old, um Ellie Cockbane and I had no idea she was 22 because she is just far beyond her years in such a wonderful way but literally I was like wow like this is what it's all about and dare I say if I can't believe I'm saying this I'm 10 years older than you, my god. haha Like that literally hurts me in so many ways. I'm sorry, I'm 10 years older, my God. But literally like, it's so important to do all of those things. And this is what we're gonna get onto. We're gonna get onto the journey of it and why it's so important. And obviously what it is you're now doing with limiting beliefs, inspiring others, championing. And I really, really wanna get to that for so many other people uh listening to this with the theming of today. you. before I do that, if a can you first of all start by telling us what you are celebrating at this moment in time because for this podcast I love doing this because I think just championing each other and championing other women just to say wow you're doing that at the moment isn't that incredible is so powerful so what are you celebrating? I'd say authenticity and I'll tie it into the e-book I've just written. We are in a time now, especially amongst my generation, Gen Z, everyone wants the authentic, the real, the raw. I think no more do we just kind of want the surface level, the empty promises. Everyone wants, you know, the authentic conversations, authentic connections. And so I'd say that's what I'm celebrating. I'm seeing it more and more. You'll notice as well content wise on social media, while we still have a way to go, people are a lot more honest and vulnerable. Like we've got the idea of dumps where people just put a dump of them out. They can put like, you know, the highs, the lows. Someone I met at Albright actually. I remember recently I saw a content piece from her and I loved it. It was literally called her rejection series where she was taking us through all the rejection she's received in the past like a month. And I was like, this is amazing. So we need more authentic stories, more authentic living. And that's why I'm celebrating it because part of my e-book was just demystifying places of influence for young people. We make these things out to be very big and glamorous and hard, but we need people to just be like, you know, this is it, you let's be practical, let's be honest. And so I say I'm celebrating authenticity and I'm seeing a lot more women as well, just embracing, you know, life and what it comes with. Like even on LinkedIn, although I need to be posting on there a bit more now, but I know the last time I was on that, I read a post of a single mom doing really well in business, but she was really authentic and said, it's hard some days. I'm a single mom, I'm running a successful business, but I don't always get it right. And I expect people on LinkedIn not to be bashing me the comments, but instead trying to celebrate me. So I think it's just that authenticity all around that I really am celebrating. Wow, what a powerful thing to celebrate, just authenticity. I think that is really great. And the fact that you have taken that on board so quickly is amazing. I think that there is so much of that which I'm really seeing now in all industries. I think people are really beginning to realize that it's better to actually talk about that. It's actually more powerful. You'll resonate, you'll connect more. And to be honest with you, I think that that's what I've always leaned into. And I've almost always seen it as a superpower that I got very comfortable very quickly about telling people that I want them to learn from the mistakes that I've made. So I'm always about saying to people, these are the mistakes that I've made. This is what I've done wrong. I was recently on um the property panel, the iconic wealthy women event. um And I was talking about the things that hadn't gone well for me. was talking about the things, well, actually, this is what happened when I sent my first letter. this is what didn't go well. And I think that that's what people will learn from the most. That's the conversations that we need to have more of. So brilliant celebration. I love that. Also something that you've just touched on, uh which really struck a chord with me is what this other uh lovely lady did, which was about rejection. So this question got asked to me actually a couple of weeks ago. They said, Athena, I'm experienced a lot of, a lot of rejection within the rent to rent world. How do you experience, how have you dealt with rejection? with it. And I had to sit on this actually, and I might do a post on this, so you've just brought it to the forefront of my mind. um I sat on this and I thought about it and I went back to her. And actually I realised that I've dealt with quite a lot of rejection my whole life almost. So as I was in musical theatre, I got rejected a lot from parts in plays, for example, always rejected. When I was at school, I was, as most people are, I was severely bullied, therefore I was rejected by my classmates. um When I went on to do, I became a travel consultant for seven years. People used to reject my quotes all the time. And therefore I think that like most people, I've almost been rejected my whole life in a weird way. That therefore when you go to then have the rejection from the business that then you're doing, you're almost like, yeah, this is just part of the journey. This is just part of what I'm doing. I'm not saying it's easy and I'm not saying that it... that it's an easy thing to experience, but you sort of learn to deal with it and think, how could I change things there for, how could I pivot, how could I learn from it? um So rejection's a really interesting topic that you just brought up there, Ife, because I think there's a negative stigma around it, and I don't think there needs to be. So that's quite an inspiring thing that you just said there. Yeah, I mean it does have a negative stigma around it because of the emotions that you feel with it. Rejection isn't nice, it doesn't make you feel good about yourself. But the way I kind of see rejection, I think it's a mindset thing. I see it as a redirection. If not this time, there's a better opportunity out there. Of course, growing up, it's never easy, especially with things like bullying. You know, no one ever teaches you about what actually happens in the mind of a bully because we focus so much on the bullying. But a lot of the times the bully is triggered by insecurities or trauma that makes them bully others. But then we don't teach people how to actually deal with the rejection that comes from being bullied or the trauma that you feel. And it can follow, like you said, throughout your whole life. And it's just something you're like, yeah, it's just part and parcel. the way I see rejection, even with like jobs or opportunities, is it just wasn't meant to be and the right one that will come will be the best one for me. And if we linger too much in a rejection, it becomes identity, you swallow in it, you just don't make progress as much as you should. So I've always believed if it doesn't happen for me now, maybe now is not the best time. Let's keep stepping forward. The next one will come. And sometimes, down the line, you realise that, you know what, actually, I don't think I even needed it as much as I wanted it. Like, I can think about certain opportunities I was trying to go for that I was rejected from, and then months down the line, I'm like, do you know what, I'm so happy I didn't do it in the end. So, know, vice versa. I can think of one off top of my head. I applied for a really big, I guess, political slash diplomatic role as a young leader for the UK. So was quite a big prominent role. got to the final stage and you know, I was thinking like, I'm going to get this. Like, yeah, I'm eloquent, everything. I've got it all going. Then I got the rejection and you know, this really stung for a bit because I thought, you know, I have applied two years in a row now. I got to the final stage and looked promising. What do you mean no? But I reflected on it a couple of days ago and I was like, I'm so grateful. I did not get that opportunity. I am busy and stretched thin. Talk less of now joining the corporate world. I would not be able to take up that role. And I thought, you know what? It's good that I was rejected. So sometimes it's down the line, upon reflection you realize that yeah, it was better that it didn't happen that way. But in the moment, yeah, of course it can be really hard. I love that and I've written down actually something that I've I've I've known for a while but I think it's important to say because it's a beautiful saying which is what you just said if a rejection is protection and redirection So I love that I think I'm gonna put that like up with my vision board and just be like, okay, because we get rejected every day So I literally like right here we go. Here we go. We're good. Um, and then just very quickly one of the things that I'm celebrating at the moment I just touched on it recently is um Last week was an incredibly busy week for me. So when this podcast goes out, it would have been about two, three weeks ago. And um I hosted my first ever girls and property table at the iconic Wealth for Women event, um which is huge for me, like massive, massive. Like, can you imagine like hosting a whole table? I was like, my God, this is kind of a big deal. um amazing. It was incredible and do you know what was so nice? There was only supposed to be eight of us around the table but then I saw a lot of my girls, like my girls and property girls just in the queue and things and I was like, well, where are you meant to be? What table are you on? And they're like, I've just got a ticket. I'm like, no, no, no, you're on my table. And so we brought all of these extra chairs to the girls and property table because, you know, my saying is like, you will always have a seat at my table. So I got all of these chairs and I looked around the room and just the girls and property table had like all of these chairs. my gosh. quite fit. But it really gave me the essence of what I've always wanted my whole life, which is just to create room for everybody at my table. And I was able to do that at the iconic Wealth for Women event. And I was on, I was actually a guest on the property panel, which was massive for me, because I'm still new to my journey. And I say this with, you know, three, four years in, but what was so important is that I had imposter syndrome and I limiting beliefs, which is what we're going to talk about today on this podcast. But then the girls came up to me afterwards, not my girls and property girls, girls who I hadn't even met before and said, actually, we found that we really resonated with you more because we could understand you. We could understand the fact that you were three, four years. And a lot of questions were directed to, you know, there was a question that was directed to me by somebody and it made me feel, oh, maybe they do want to learn from me. Maybe they do want to hear from me. it made me feel great, which was amazing. And then I was able to host, physically, was the host of the Money Mindset panel. yeah, and so I just, don't know, I just had a moment where I was like, m maybe it is working. Maybe I am where I'm to be. And I just had like a quiet moment to myself of just, you know, that little moment of self-belief where I was like, oh, okay, maybe this is what I'm meant to do. That's lovely. So I'm celebrating the iconic Wealth for Women event, similar to All Bright for yourself. you should, honestly. And we don't praise ourselves enough, especially when we're go-getters, it's go, go, go, keep going, keep going. But that's an amazing achievement. And something you said that just stuck out to me is, you know, we often say, you know, bring each other to the table, let's make space for each other until we have to do it in practice. But you actually did it. Because it's different to say, let's make room for each other, let's put each other at the table. But you actually said, no, come and join us, let's make more room. That's what it's all about, honestly. I love that. I love that. Yay, yay to us. Yay. And I hope everybody else who's listening, I hope as always, you're thinking about what you're celebrating at the moment and don't forget to DM me to let me know so I can champion you as well. Right, Ife, let's get into the really nitty gritty of today's podcast. So do me a favor, take me back to you age 16, 17. I want to know how a 16 to 17 year old had a eureka moment or had a moment where you thought to yourself, actually, do you know what? I want to be a spokesperson for young people. I want to write a book. I want to take that step forward. Like, how did you become you? I really want to know. That's such a good question. Most of the times I answer this question by saying I'm a product of people investing in me growing up. So I've had very good support systems and people who have just believed in me, whether it's a teacher, my parents, know, a few people just saying, yeah, we've seen something in how I'm going to invest in that. And that's very important in the development of a child in general. And I think in today's world, how it's, know, framed and set up. It can be hard sometimes especially if you come from a broken home you may not always get that opportunity to be invested in that way. So I think that's really pruned and guided me. Then as I've grown older I think you have to really recognize what you're like as a person. My personality, I'm quite extroverted, I like people and I like speaking and it wasn't something I really thought about that I could do as a career or have as a hustle. but I've always known I'm good at public speaking, oratory schools were always on the high. Even year seven, I went to a mixed school, but we were separated into girls and boys. And the head of the girls' school, I'll never forget, Ms. Venditti, I was in year seven, she said, you're so good at speaking, come and lead our assembly for the prospective students next year. So I was in year eight and I took an assembly. And you know, it's just opportunities like that that really started to make me be like, yeah, actually I do have a voice. But 16, that's GCSE time, 17. I just kind of, you know, I've always been really angry. Ambition has always driven me and not an ambition that's competitive or ruthless, but an ambition that's rooted in self. I understand how I am, who I am. And then I've always just kind of been like, go out there, get opportunities, learn from them. What are you like? What don't you like? So I was the girl always searching for legal internships. That's my background. Always looking for legal internships. oh programs to develop it as a young leader and it was through doing things like that I started to realize that my burden or something that really drives me more than I knew was seeing more people like me speaking up, taking up space and it's only because I was putting myself out there. I wasn't waiting for people to tell me should you do this? I would search the internet for hours. I'm just always looking for things to better myself and then it was through doing it I was like, okay, I really enjoy this, or I really like this. And I tell people this a lot, and I'm sure you can resonate. Everyone wants to be attached to the successful person, right? We all want to be with the person who's the it girl, she's doing well, she's thriving. But we didn't just arrive there. You know, we work, we put in the hours, we've researched, we practice. And so I always tell people you can't just kind of, especially in this generation, arrive somewhere, cut corners. you really do have to put the work in. I'd say 16 year old me was just hungry. And I'm still hungry. I'm still really young, right? I was really hungry. And I just thought, you know what? I'm good at speaking, good at leadership, all of these things that I knew about myself. And then I just started putting myself out there. fantastic. What I'm hearing from what you're saying is implementation as well. You're like you knew that there was something in you and you know when you're speaking I just hear this word that keeps coming to me which is purpose. You led with purpose. You know that's what I keep hearing. So you had a thought, you knew that you could make a difference, you knew that you had a voice that could be the spokesperson for people who didn't have a voice. um You wanted to see more people as your own words, like yourself, you know, who other people could aspire to. And therefore you drove it with purpose. And do know what? I think a woman with purpose is unstoppable. Honestly, I really, really do. I think they're so powerful and not to be messed with because when, and someone said to me the other day, it was a really interesting conversation. said, Athena, how do you know that supporting women or girls in property is your purpose? And I said to them, and I'm sure that this will develop as I go through the years, I've got no doubt about that with age and experience. But for me, it's because it's a constant thought process that goes around my mind over and over again. It's not something that I think about like for an hour a day. It's something that I think about when I wake up, when I'm throughout my day, when I go to sleep. ah People always say to me, they're like, Athena, you're so responsive and you live in your DMs and... You know, you're supposed to do a half an hour discovery call, but you end up doing an hour discovery call and you should be doing things differently and that's not good for business, et cetera, et cetera. And I'm like, yeah, but you don't get it. The reason I do it is because I'm so driven by purpose with it. And I know that there is what I'm trying to achieve in providing what I want for the mainly women. There are men that listen to this, but mainly for women to feel like they can do it too. And they have a voice. And that's why I get people like you on the podcast if they, because I want everyone to really feel like they can do it too. Let me ask you a question, because I think you'll be, you may be able to help me in answering this question. So, you you've been really blessed in having this fantastic upbringing, parents clearly putting you forward for alligators on ahead, know, believing you can do anything. And, you you've said, and also I love the fact you gave a shout out to your teacher. I always feel like there is that teacher that just believed in you. So you need to get her in your front row of your next gig, honestly. Like this is what it's all about. And I've got my own set of those teachers. But let me ask you this, what about, what about those individuals who had a slightly different upbringing, but yet still have that fire in their belly? You know, the people from the broken homes, the people that maybe didn't have that teacher or didn't have that parent that believed in them. What would your words or your advice be to them? to help them to believe in themselves. That's really good because you we have the saying that you're product of your environment, right? But I mean, there many successful entrepreneurs. I'm sure you even listen to this podcast. I have a CEO, many of us do. And there are some entrepreneurs that feature on Stephen Butler's podcast that are very vulnerable and shared their upbringing wasn't the best. In fact, some of them, their parents were working all the time. They hardly saw them or they came from broken homes, but are still successful. And I think this is where sometimes even though we're products of our environment, the individual has an innate sometimes desire that either of two things, if you come from a broken home or an environment that isn't the best, most times two things will either happen. You want to either break free from it and be better than that, or you stay in the same cycle. Of course, there is a lot more nuance, but that's kind of the two pathways. And I find the ones who have kind of been in an environment where it wasn't the best or grew up in a, know, a broken home, The ones who decide, you know, I want to break free from it, they're driven by the fact that I don't want to be in the same position, have children and wear in the same position. Or it's like everything around me was not pleasant and I want to cultivate a life that will be more pleasant. And so I would say to the person who maybe didn't have the support systems, didn't have the teachers, comes from a broken home, all of these different things, don't let your circumstances keep you confined. So one of my mentors, she has this really beautiful saying where she's like, you don't choose your background, right? But she's like, don't stay on the ground, work your way up. You can't continue, and this is my belief, you can't continue through life journey and as an adult and keep saying life was unfair to me. I was dealt the bad cards. Because the truth is, even though I had fantastic upbringing, there are still things that have happened to me as a result of limitations. I've just come from how I am as a person. But I can't say to myself, but because I'm this way, that means I will never get this thing. There has to be a level in your mindset where you reach and you're like, irrespective of what I've gone through, I will push past it and I will make something of myself. And I think along the way, that's when you start attracting more people like you. So even though you may have come from an environment that wasn't the best, there was no one rooting for you, the minute you decide to step forward and step out and just be like, you know, I'm going to do something for myself. naturally you start to attract a tribe that's like you anyway and so I would really encourage anyone that try not to limit yourself by your background or what you were brought up around but use that as a motivation to say actually I'm gonna break free from this and my mentor's words still ring true today because she's right like you don't choose your background unfortunately you can't choose your family you know you can't choose some of these things but you can choose how you will rise from it and so I would just tell someone that, so even just about business, wherever you want to be in life, try not to limit yourself to the negative things that have happened or the lack of something. But say, I didn't have it, let me create it. So that's what I would say. Yeah, fantastic. I absolutely love that. Beautiful. you know, as you said yourself, you see yourself as quite a confident person, an extroverted person. What about like for you, like if you were to look like within yourself, for example, you know, what have been those moments where you've had um limiting beliefs or imposter syndrome? Like I talk about this quite a lot within the world. Within my community that's got literally over a hundred members in the girls and property community. One of the things that I'd say nearly every single person has in common is the fact that we have these limiting beliefs of ourselves. And I got, I had Akhtar Khan come on and talk about the neuroscience behind imposter syndrome limiting beliefs. But yeah, but, in terms of you and how you've managed or if you even had an example of where you did have an example of having a limiting beliefs and how you personally were able to overcome those. What would you say? It's quite interesting because I think anyone who puts themselves out there will always go through this, right? This thought process of being an imposter, having the limiting beliefs. And that's why I spent time addressing it in the first sort of chapters of my ebook, because a lot of young people I'll speak to, that's the first thing. I don't believe I should be there, I'm young. And one of the limiting beliefs I had, especially as I started to get more opportunities to speak, was I'm too young to be in this place, or no one will listen to me because I'm too young. but I've always been very rooted in faith, in principles, and I believe that if I've been called to be there, obviously they've seen something in me. So I play to that. And I would say, you know, the first time I've really properly experienced, I'd say, imposter was when I did my first ever, like, legal internship. It was for a commercial chamber, it's really big, really well known. And I was just this young, you know, beautiful, should I say. I was young. it. was this young woman, 16, going into a set of chambers and not many people kind of looked like me and I just remember thinking to myself, should I be here? Oh my goodness, how will it go? But again, the confidence is always really kind of driven and my faith really. And I remember getting in there, the receptionist saying to me, you new intern for the week? And I said, yes. And she said, perfect, you're gonna love it. And just that warmth already made me feel like, I deserve to be here. It was actually across the week, it was just little things, know, the people I was working with affirming me, telling me that they've never had a 16 year old actually put themselves forward. So things like that was like, yeah, I deserve to be. I think the cherry on top was the final end of my internship. I got to meet the head of chambers. He called me to his office and said he wanted to meet the 16 year old girl that was interned in his chambers. And the first thing he said to me is he's like, if you ever had imposter, I wouldn't even know it because You have gracefully gone through this work experience so confidently we wouldn't even know. And I think that has really helped throughout the whole 16 to 23, all of that kind of years has really kept me going that I go into rooms and I own it. Even if I look silly or I look odd to people, I own it because I'm there already. And I think it's different if you're not in the room and say, know, how am going to... But when you're there, I think you don't have time to be thinking about imposter personally. I'm always thinking, okay, how can I be my best self in this room? And you know, that really encouraged me hearing it from I was 16, then he was like 56, you know? So an older man is telling me that I wouldn't even know you had imposter. And I was like, yeah, this is it. This is what's gonna keep me going. So yeah, I mean, I go through it from time to time, but rarely ever now, I kind of, you know, really affirm who I am. I've got declarations I read out to myself, but limited beliefs I have struggled with, you know, I'm too young. to be in a space or sometimes I'm too ambitious. I think that's definitely something I've really had to battle through. my goodness. You know, I'm sure maybe you can also speak to this. Something that I think the world unfortunately does is it makes ambitious people feel like, especially ambitious women, feel like they might be too overpowering, especially in the era of romantic relationships. And so that was something I really held like... you know, guys may be put off because of how ambitious I am, how loud I am, but you know, that's all lies. It's not true. But yeah, I'd say those are kind of limiting beliefs I've struggled with and have had to really work on. Wow, okay, there is so much to unpack there, so much to unpack. Okay, I've given myself the number three, because there are three things that I want to touch on based on what you just said, but I'm gonna try and remember them all as you were speaking, I'm like, this is gold. So number one is something that you just said there, and I thought to myself, gosh, she's so right, is um I had a moment when I was speaking on the property panel um at the Iconic Wealthy Women event, and I was really nervous, really, really nervous. one of my girls in the community, Nick Patterton came up to me, loved Nick, she's amazing. And she was like, were you nervous? And I was like, yeah, really nervous. Cause I admitted the fact that I was nervous. Cause I think it's important just to say, just to make everyone feel, you know, that they're, that you're human. And Nick was like, Athena, I had no idea. She's like, when you speak, you cannot tell that you're nervous. And I was like, oh, I was really nervous. Like I was like sweating and shaking. And she's like, I had literally no idea. And so what, what I just... Not just realizing that moment, because I think I do know this, but I want to reiterate again is I think we create a narrative in our own minds of what we think is happening in a moment. So I think the narrative we create in our minds, which is bizarre if you think about it. And again, this comes back to the cognitive of uh almost like cognitive behavioral therapy in terms of rewiring your brain, creating a new narrative. But the narrative that was going through my brain was, I shouldn't be here. I've only got three years experience. No one's going to want to listen to me. No one's going to want to learn from me. Like this whole narrative is going on, which is bizarre because no one's ever told me that. No one's ever made me feel that way, but it's the way that I make myself feel. And it's like, why? And I feel like if I'm honest to you, if I am, and I think what's so powerful about this podcast is to be really open and really raw and be really honest and authentic, celebrating authenticity. is I think there's an element of like almost needing therapy to kind of understand why do you feel that way? Like why? And I think that's so powerful with limiting beliefs to be like where does your limiting belief actually stem from? Who does it come from? And what's so beautiful with what you just said was it just took a few people to believe in you when maybe you didn't believe in yourself. And I think that what I can proudly say for both of us now, is I like to think that we are those voices for other people to help them believe in themselves. And again, this comes back to purpose. Like I said on the podcast with actor, I said, I'm sometimes the, well, I know, no, no, no, I'm not sometimes. I am always the biggest cheerleader for everyone else. Like you will hear me, you will hear me shout from the rooftop for others, right? But for myself, I whisper. And it's a really interesting thing about why. And that's what I'd love to know. I'd love to get almost like get to the nitty gritty of it. So that was the first thing just in regards to imposter syndrome. The second thing was, was you brought back a memory for me when you were talking about your internship. So when I was about, I think I was 18. I think I was 18 and I was going for a, um what, like an apprenticeship? It was an apprenticeship in a big company, which was actually too funny enough because I wanted to be in the travel world. And it was a leadership program that I was going for. Right. Remember these sorts of programs that you can do. And I'll never, ever forget it. I was fresh out of school, you know, 18. This was before, before uni, before I thought I wanted to do that sort of path. And I remember walking into this room and don't ask me why I did this. think, I think mum played an influence in this, but, you know, I also wanted to do it. I've still got it to this day. I wore this brightly coloured red dress. It was the brightest red you've ever seen in your life and I still have this dress to this day. And I was in a sea, like when I say a sea, I was in a sea of uh people dressed in black, grey, blue, dull, dull colours, right? And I remember walking into this room and thinking to myself, I don't belong here. I don't belong here, I don't fit in, nobody's gonna wanna hire me or anything like that. And I'll never forget the call that I got from, I think it was a guy, it was either a guy or a girl, I can't remember it, because I've sort of got it out of my memory a little bit. But they said to me, they absolutely said to me, and I don't think you can say this anymore actually, but they said to me that they didn't think I was right for the leadership role and that it wouldn't be a right fit for me. They were going to put me in the talent pool because they saw an opportunity and they were going to let other people know about me. No thanks, that's okay. Because of what they said to me, which was they said next time, maybe think about where something different they said to me. They said, maybe where's something different next time. And I'll never forget them saying that to me because why? Like why? And do know what really stands out to me now? And I'm only just thinking about this now with they is I'm telling you, we were at the iconic wealth for women event that just went. Yeah. and I had the most gorgeous colors on and I'm telling you the color that was in that room for powerful, ambitious women, there wasn't, okay, maybe one person was like in black and blue, but literally it was a sea of red, pink, yellow, the brightest colors you've ever seen. And it's only just made me realize in this moment talking to you from that moment that you just said to think, Do you know what? Like again, rejection is protection. I wasn't meant to go down the leadership path. I wasn't meant to go down that path. I was meant to then go and have my own table and wear my bright pink colors. So that moment just came to me then when you were talking, it made me reminded me of my red outfit and how I got rejected for wearing my red outfit at 18. And I think that's quite powerful. And then finally, I'm sorry, we need to talk about this as my final thing, which is this idea that, not just men, but other people, friends, whoever, can maybe be, what's the word that you said? We're very ambitious. You were talking about, I too ambitious for other people? So talk to me. Let's just talk about that. What do you mean when you say, I might be too ambitious? I wanna know. Well, I guess, you know, with a bit of insight into my own life, I think where it has really, you know, come to a head is actually when I'm talking about within the romantic sense, because most of my friends know people who know me, they're used to it, right? But I'd found with certain guys who would get to know me as they would get to know me more, they were like, oh, okay, so like she actually is ambitious. Because I think, you sometimes, you know, guys start out and it's like, yeah, like, yeah, don't worry, I'm also the same. But I found that for some of them, it was like, you know, I'm already thinking like, come, I'm a visionary, I like to think into the future and how I can plan, I'm always getting concepts. So I think for certain guys, it was like, no, she thinks so far ahead and wow, she's always thinking about the next thing and it was like, yeah, this is too much. i think from my experience and i've spoken to other women older, younger who are also equally ambitious or do even more than me they've sometimes said that in that area, not to actually with men but sometimes with friends and things there's this kind of like label that's put on them that oh you're really ambitious aren't you and it's almost like a question of like hmm you're so ambitious like you need to be a bit careful how ambitious you are and I'm like, there's nothing wrong with it. think the word sometimes it does get thrown around a bit. It's a bit of a stigma around it in certain communities. Don't think there's anything wrong with it. How you are ambitious, of course, matters in terms of it's not ruthless, it's not competitive. But I found that not so much now because, you know, I've completely changed my mindset when it comes to this. But I have found that with certain guys, especially as they were getting to know me, it was always a question of like, you know, wow, she's a bit much, you know, she might need to tone it down. And I can't tone it down. So you see that the right guy comes and jumps on board, well I just wait, you know, and the world will tell a lot of women, because the world is always speaking to women, right, that, you need to do this and you need to have that. But we're living in a time now, how many strong, powerful women have you seen that are married or in relationships with really secure men? So I don't believe the narrative and I will never believe the narrative that strong, independent or ambitious women can't be in relationships. I don't believe that. I think it's just about how we frame it. It's not really about whether it's ambitious or not. It's just about security because it's not everyone that's designed to be with each other, right? The capacity that we both may have will be different to capacity someone else has. And so it's really important that we're with people that are secure enough to affirm who we are as people, the same we will do for them. So yeah, that's kind of been my experience. It's not all been all gloom and doom. I mean, I've met some fantastic guys, but yeah, it's just, that's something that was really a limiting belief that kept me really bound for a bit that I probably won't get into a relationship. um Or if I do, the guy will always feel like, you I'm doing too much for him. And you know, I've put all of that to bed now, but yeah, that was definitely one I had. How interesting, my goodness. I bet so many listeners are listening to this going, yes, girl, I hear you. They're probably like, do know I had a really bad date the other night and this is what happened. Yeah, and you said it perfectly. You said it perfectly, which is it's to do with needing secure men. That's what it is. Or women, depends what you're into. It's just about people. Like for me, I'll be really honest with you, Faye. I don't think this is a men and women thing. I think this is a people thing, if I'm honest with you. because also it works in reverse, right? When you've got a really ambitious guy, for example, and you think to yourself, well, you're going to need a secure woman in that relationship because they might be away. You need to be thinking to yourself, well, I'm securing my relationship. He's coming home to me. I'm okay. Because I've seen this work in reverse as well. I've got a lot of male friends that have the same situation. So I don't think it's a male female thing. I think it's a people thing. But just on the topic of this, I will say this, you're a hundred percent right. And Funny enough, I'm, so I like to think I'm an ambitious woman. I like to think I am. You know, I'm in a relationship. I've been in relationship for five years with Steve and he's a secure man, which is great. But I will say this, I will say this. And actually people have been asking this question and we need to the date. I'm gonna get Steve back on the podcast because me and Steve did a podcast episode. my God, it was over a year ago now and it did so well. But we literally had a. therapy session amongst ourselves on this podcast because I'm really open with it, right? There was a time when I was really setting off the business where Steve had to take, uh like in my priority list, he had to take a back seat. He was not my priority. My relationship was not my priority. The business was my priority, growing the business. know, don't get me wrong, he was above me in terms of my priority list. It literally went business. um, you know, everything to do with the business and then it went Steve and then I was like literally like rock bottom. So he was still above me in my priority list, but he wasn't my top priority and don't get me wrong that came with a lot of difficult conversations because you know, he, he once said to me, and I'll be really open with this on the podcast. He once said to me, he's like, Athena, if I had treated you the way you have treated me, you would have left me in the relationship. He actually said that to me and it's probably true. because he had to take such a backseat because the business was growing. And actually I'm like, wow, for him to be so secure, to stay, to know that there are better days to come and what it is that I'm trying to achieve because I'm ambitious is amazing. It really is. And I think uh that we need guys like that. We need guys who go, I see you. I see what you're trying to achieve. I hear you. And... Yeah. it's an amazing thing. So I think that there are some incredible incredible partners out there both men and women who are actually supporting the other person and and And now I'm in a position where I'm able to say let's take a spontaneous trip trip to Cornwall Let's take a spontaneous trip to Venice. But actually he told me that and he was the one who's taking me to Venice So thank you for that. But yeah, it's amazing and and I think that it's fascinating when you're trying to be like Do you know what, Ife? It's so difficult. You're trying to be the best girlfriend. You're trying to be the best business owner. You're trying to be the best daughter. And all these pressures that society puts on you, marriage, kids as well. You know, we've got listeners who are trying to be the best moms, but they're trying to be the best business owners and they get something called mum guilt. Like it's a really, really big thing. But do you know what makes, I'm thinking about as you're speaking, I'm thinking about that channel four program called First Dates. No! I'm literally thinking about first dates. Like, are you in a relationship at the moment? my god, we have to get you on first dates and we have to put these, we have to put these ambitious men next to you and be like, right, go. But, I hear you. it though. know, as much as, yeah, of course I desire to be in a relationship. uh And I really don't want to rush getting into the right one. I'm loving it in that. I really like it, like, cause you were really honest there for a minute. Like scaling the business or, you know, business is doing well. These are really honest conversations that you have to have with whoever you're in a relationship with. And then, you know, you were honest to say that actually your boyfriend kind of took a back seat because your business was more important to you. At least it was something you really wanted to focus on. But at this stage of my life where I'm single, I don't really have to think about that at the moment, isn't it? Because I'm not committed to anyone. I'm just thinking about being a sister, a daughter, a granddaughter, all of those things. And so I think what I would say to anyone who's also listening as well for this current moment, embrace your seasons. Because when a season changes, you don't want to be saying, oh, I wish that I... you know, use that season more, I spend more time doing. So now you're, you know, you're a girlfriend, you know, you, don't know if you've planned to get married, but that will also come with its own pressures. And I think I would just say to anyone who's maybe in a similar boat like me, not to say that, you know, you get to an issue, your life is over, but embrace every season. And I'm enjoying the fact that I'm not committed to anyone at the moment. So I can, if I want to work five hours in the night on, you know, my coaching program. I can, because I don't have to text anyone or call and be like, hey babe, how are you? So yeah, I mean, it's great so far, but who knows what the next couple of months will say, isn't it? m I love that. Embrace your season. I am 100 % loving that. Embrace your season. And if I can you believe that there will be some listening to this podcast where they work with their husbands. Yeah, they work together. So they literally see each other all day. They work together and they're life partners as well. Imagine that. honestly, but I think that in itself though, like one of my mentors, and her husband are in business together and they're really raw and honest about how it is. But they've said they've put good boundaries in place. Like even though we work together, we won't allow work to consume our marriage. And I think, like I said, it's just getting really good at communication. Like most, I think there was a study I read not too long ago, relationships, not even just romantic, even platonic failed because of lack of communication. So I'm really glad to hear Athena that you and your boyfriend Steve have really had those difficult conversations Otherwise, I highly doubt like he said you would be at a place where you're both still standing strong now because he could be thinking he said she doesn't like me enough or she doesn't want to spend time with me she's not committed to us and you're like no, no, no, I love you, but I really need to just prioritize this at the moment But if you didn't have those conversations Who knows? Oh girl, honest, you should be a fly on a wall to some of our conversations, honestly. Like if you take my personality and you take Steve's personality, my God, they are honest conversations. Yeah, they have to be, they have to be because I'm telling you now, do you know what I said? Okay, he's going to kill me for saying this, but I'm just going to do it right. This is really authentic. We're talking about relationships. Do you know what I said to my friend the other day? And I mean this from the bottom of my heart and this sounds really weird, but I mean it when I say it. I said to her, Me and Steve don't even need to go to like, you know, we're in a great place. We don't need this anyway. But if we did, we wouldn't need to go to relationship therapy because he knows everything I think and feel about him and vice versa. Like there is nothing we don't say to each other. And it could be like harsh, harsh things. Do you know what I mean? And so I'm telling you, there's nothing that I need to, that I would sit and say to somebody else that I wouldn't just sit and be like, to him. Wow, that's good. then he would say to me raw and I'd be like, fair, that's a fair comment. hahahaha And then we have a cup of tea and everything's fine. So sorry Steve You're probably gonna be editing this podcast and hating me for this but you know It's a really important thing to say when you're ambitious and you have ambitious people together. He's got his own business there are all sorts that comes with it and You know, that's why I love this podcast. It's like we hear you. I hope you're listening I hope you're like girls like I hear you. This is what me my partner did the day like that's what this is. So Right, Ife, bringing it back to the room again. And so, what I'd love for you to do actually is just to round up this podcast, I'd also love for you to just talk about your book as well that you've got, because I think that we've got so many avid readers in the group and a lot of young people in the group, and I think that they would get great inspiration from it. So what is the book that you're writing and how incredible that you've written one as well, like kudos to you. I know. So the book I just released, I released it in April. It's called Eight Tips for Navigating Influential Spaces as a Young Person. And it's literally eight keys, strategies that demystifies, first of all, a place of influence and how to be in those places. And the reason why I kind of wrote it, one, I kind of felt a prompting to do it, but two, I have a LinkedIn newsletter and I did a two-part series on it last year and it did really well. And so it was kind of a prompting that was like, you know, put this into a guide and a book for people. And then three, because I'm such a youth advocate and very passionate, I know how I felt when I'd be going to parliament at 16, 17. No one tells you how to dress. No one tells you how to address an MP. No one tells you sometimes the unspoken etiquette of, especially as you start to progress in life and you go to more high impact environments, more high value places, people don't tell you things. You're just, you know, told you kind of just have to assume they assume that you know these things and I know there are many young people who are breaking out you know in many different fields and sometimes it's just maybe the wrong you know like for instance dressing I know one of the tips in my book is um dress like how you'd like to be addressed and I I said I share in there that I know people don't like that statement because it's like why are you telling me that I have to dress how like no but the truth is and you know I'm going to be really honest People will judge you in the first second. I remember certain environments I was in, and it was just because my parents were quite exposed, and I've been quite exposed as well, that I picked up things. But I remember certain environments, some of the people I'd meet that were quite influential in the room would tell me on the side, in a side conversation, look at that person, what's she wearing? She didn't understand, what's he wearing? He didn't get the dress code. And I'm like, I wish I could tell people. And I was like, I'm gonna put this into a book. Sometimes it's following up with people you meet. A lot of young people I know, they'll go for a networking event. They won't message again. That's it. They've forgotten the person they're connected with. So it's things like that. I discuss overcoming imposter syndrome, researching the space before you get there, being a subject expert. If you're invited to speak on a panel, you don't just turn up. But personally for me, I've noticed a lot of young people kind of do this sometimes where they'll be invited to speak on a panel, let's say about education or something. And they only just speak on lived experiences. But I always say, let's take it a notch further and show them that we've done our research. And I come with stats, I come with prep done. And so I think it's a very practical guide and very real in it. I share my own experiences, what I've learned. And it's just to empower the, you know, the everyday young person. Most people who have read it so far say it's not just for young people, it's for everyone. So I'm working on right now trying to turn it into a physical copy. and add a few more bits and bobs in there. But yeah, to anyone who is remotely engaged with anything to do personal branding or constantly networking with people or you find yourself in a lot of high value, high impact environments, grab the ebook and you'll honestly finish it within a day. It's like 26 pages, not that long. And yeah, so it's my gift to young people, but of course to everyone that I just wanted to be practical. Do you know how many guides are out there? People are like, learn how to do this. You opened the book. it's not even got any you know keys or strategies it's like you need to do this and then buy my course then you will get that and i'm like oh forget that i want it to be very honest very practical something that anyone can pick up today and be like i could use this for tomorrow so that was yeah that's my thought process with it I love that, fantastic. And do you know what? By what you've said, it's not just for young people, it's for everyone to take on. So what we'll do is we'll put that in the show notes because I think that that could really help so many people. And myself, I'm gonna give that a read. Like I was like, yes, like I need to know all of this, fabulous. So I'm sure that a lot of women and guys are gonna want to contact you and connect with you, as you said, follow up and have conversations with you after this podcast. Where is the best place for people to connect with you? Yeah, Instagram or LinkedIn. You my Instagram is my name, ifeobasa, LinkedIn, ifeobasa. I think those are the two places you can get in touch with me and, you know, open like yourself, DM me, follow me and things. And then if anyone wants to reach out about potential opportunities, then it's my email info at ifeonetwork.com. But I can send all of this to Athena. Maybe she can drop this in the show notes. But yeah, I mean, Instagram, LinkedIn. LinkedIn has become our new Instagram of the professional world, right? So yeah, any of those two places I'd definitely say I'm more active on. I've come off TikTok. em It was too addictive for me. So I had to come off that app unfortunately. Fair enough. At least you know, at least you know, you know, I need to up my game on LinkedIn. I really do. I need to set aside like a whole day just to update my profile. But yes, fantastic. um And then as always, I'm Athena Dobson underscore official on Instagram and girls and property pod on Instagram as well. Always dropping to my DMS. I'm always, always happy to chat. I'm also on LinkedIn. It needs updating, but to be fair, gets good attraction. So I am on LinkedIn and I will always respond to messages on there as well. Just a couple of things from me for girls and property. So number one is girls and property community as I mentioned a couple of weeks ago It's over a hundred members now, which is amazing. We have more and more. Yay. Thank you. FA We have more and more Sessions that I run within the girls and property community. So now I try and do them twice a month We have them on the first Tuesday of every month, which is more of a girls and prosperity thing So this would be like to learn more about you as a person or as a business owner like personal branding, example, systemization, AI, those types of things. And then on the third Tuesday of every month, I try and do a property topic. So we originally had auction properties, supported living, deal sourcing, et cetera. So it's absolutely full of everything and it's built on the Circle platform, which is 24 hours open and everybody just writes all their bits and comments and everything like that. And it's brilliant and it's so, so engaging with the active members. So. Okay. member. It's gonna be held at Bournemouth Beach, literally on the beach. So it's gonna be like bring a dish, bring a picnic, bring a bathing suit, that type of thing. So do come get that in your diary for Saturday the 5th of July if you're a community member or want to join. just give me the word beach and we can have have a chat. Um, and then one of things I'm also celebrating is that I just did the social media workshop for girls and property. It was the first workshop that I held. We had 20 women that came to that, which was amazing. And it was a huge, huge success, um, massive success. Um, so the next, um, workshop that I'm going to be doing will be on Friday, the 12th of September. Um, and the topic on that one is actually, Thank you to Anissa and Nancy for sort of giving me the confidence and the boost and getting over myself to do this. But I'm going to be hosting that workshop solo. It's going to be me doing a strategic day with you. So looking at you, limiting beliefs, mindset, accountability, goal setting, everything that you need to take you to the next level. So there going to be 20 spaces available for that one. And I'm going to make it the best day. It's going to be like retreat 2.0, but only for 20 of you. So if you want that one just DM me the word workshop and we'll have a chat um But yeah, and if a if you I'd love to leave you with sort of the last words for for the girls To impart your wisdom onto them. So what would you love to get listeners to hear is your your last words to them? your voice, own your story, your narrative, own it. Nobody can share it better than you. And in a time that we're living in, we need more originality, we need more color, we need more diversity. And so yeah, be proud of your story, no matter how, you know, stainted it could be. sorry, tainted it could be. Own it, own it, because no one else can share it as best as you. And please, the world is waiting, I always say this, the world is waiting for more women to arise. can never have enough. gorgeous. I absolutely love that. You know, don't, don't be the best kept secret is what I always say. Um, and, be unapologetically you. Nobody is you. Nobody can be you. It's impossible. It's impossible for someone to be you. So know that you are enough, know that you are fantastic and go and be boldly brilliant is what Becky Loto would often say. So if a fang So much for today. I loved it and such a laugh as well. I've just chatting with a friend. I've loved it. I've probably said too much. But you know, it's been fun. So everybody have the most amazing week. Don't forget to DM either if I or I and just let us know what other guests you'd like to get on what topics you'd like to get on. This podcast was made for you. So keep chatting, be social on socials and have the most amazing week. Thank you, ladies. Speak to you soon. Take care. Bye.