How to Create a Personal Vision for your Life & Business with Mark Dolfini

Is your life and business exactly where you want it to be? 

If you hesitated for even a second, this episode is for you. 

In this episode, we're diving into the transformative power of crafting a personal vision, and there's no one better to guide us through this journey than Mark Dolfini. He's not just any expert; Mark is a seasoned entrepreneur, a best-selling author, and a revered strategic life and business coach.

Throughout his career, Mark has faced his share of ups and downs, from personal adversities to the challenges of building and leading successful ventures. 

His experiences have equipped him with invaluable insights on the critical importance of having a clear vision. It's this vision that acts as the cornerstone for achieving balance and success in both our personal lives and our business endeavors.

Don't let another day pass without taking the time to define what success truly means for you. Tune in, get inspired, and start mapping out your vision today!

Specifically, this episode highlights the following themes:

• The importance of distinguishing between personal and business visions
• Steps to crafting a compelling personal vision that guides your life and business
• Practical advice on aligning your daily actions with your long-term vision

Other Mentioned Links & Resources

Visit Mark Dolfini’s website:
https://markdolfini.com

Watch Mark’s Video “Do Affirmations Really Work?”
https://markdolfini.com/2023/04/do-affirmations-really-work

Find Mark on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@markdolfini

Receive 50% Off Your First Year of HoneyBook:
https://www.treefrogmarketing.com/honeybook-coupon-code

Join the Priority Pursuit Podcast Facebook Community:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/179106264013426

Learn More About Treefrog’s Small Business Marketing Resources & Services
https://www.treefrogmarketing.com

Follow or DM Treefrog Marketing on Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/treefroggers

Follow or DM Kelly Rice on Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/treefrogkelly

Follow or DM Victoria on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/victorialrayburn

Transcript

Mark Dolfini [00:00:00]:
I really don't believe that vision is the final piece. I believe our purpose is, and I believe that our vision is the keyhole that we look through to see our purpose on the other side. Focus on your vision and all of a sudden, as you get more and more clear and more and more honest with yourself about what your personal vision is, all of a sudden you're going to start to see pieces of your purpose on the other side that will become in much more greater clarity.

Victoria Rayburn [00:00:24]:
Hey there, you're listening to the Priority Pursuit podcast, a podcast dedicated to helping small business owners define, maintain and pursue both their personal and business priorities so they can build lives and businesses they love. I'm your host, Victoria Rayburn. And today, rather than sharing marketing tactics, we are getting personal. In fact, today's guest is joining us to explain exactly how to create a personal vision for your life and business. If you have been in business for even just a few minutes, you likely already know. However loving easy it is to get wrapped up in your business and put your life on the back burner. Now, when this happens, most small business owners and leaders think that their systems are the issue. In other words, they believe that if they just had the right systems in place, they'd finally achieve work life balance and all would be well.

Victoria Rayburn [00:01:17]:
While there is a little bit of truth in that, according to strategic life and business coach Mark Dolfini, systems aren't usually the issue, or at least not the only issue. More often than not, the issue is a lack of clarity and direction for both your life and business. Like I said, Mark is a strategic life and business coach as well as a serial entrepreneur and a best selling author. Mark offers leadership, coaching, executive training, financial leadership and more. But at the end of the day, his goal is to help entrepreneurs and small business owners and leaders master their lives and businesses. There's so much more I could say about Mark, especially considering the influence he's had on Treefrog over the years. But I will let him introduce himself more thoroughly in just a second. But Mark, thank you so, so much for coming on the show.

Victoria Rayburn [00:02:09]:
I am very excited about this conversation.

Mark Dolfini [00:02:12]:
Well, thank you and thank you for such a warm introduction. I really appreciate that.

Victoria Rayburn [00:02:15]:
Oh goodness. Like I said, there are so many things that we could say. I mean, between the coaching you offer for landlords and man, yes, I'm just going to hand it out over to Mark. Would you please introduce yourself and share us how you serve entrepreneurs and small businesses?

Mark Dolfini [00:02:31]:
Well, thank you, Victoria. And I love Treefrog. I love everything that you guys are about your heart, your soul, your faith. It means so much to me and it speaks so strongly to me in terms of who it is I like to serve. I think it probably maybe makes a little bit of sense for me to go backwards a little bit and just kind of let everybody know where I came from. Because I can tell you that when I was in my mid twenty s and I know there's a lot of entrepreneurs who are just starting out, and maybe you're in your mid twenty s or mid thirty s or even your mid forty s or fifty s, and you're just trying to like, man, why do I feel like this is such a struggle? And I can tell you in my own case that one of the things that I would say quite often is I would rather fail doing it my way than to succeed with someone else's help. Now think about that for a second. And that was a very true thing for me.

Mark Dolfini [00:03:25]:
And when I found out there were so many entrepreneurs that felt that way, I was like, oh, my gosh, I was the same way. And it wasn't until I actually set aside my own ego, set aside my own need for importance and significance and said, hang on a second. I actually have some really good tools here, some really good things that God has laid upon me. Why am I being so hard headed? And this is something that I have noticed as an entrepreneur myself and among other entrepreneurs, that many entrepreneurs, many business owners are incredibly smart, incredibly resourceful individuals, incredibly hardworking. The problem is, many business owners are very smart, they're very resourceful, and they're very hardworking. And they think that because a problem shows up that they need to own the problem to the point where they do all of the problem solving and they do the work around that problem. And that was my biggest problem. So let me walk back here just a up.

Mark Dolfini [00:04:31]:
I live in Indiana now, not far from you guys, actually. We live in the same town, but I actually didn't grow up here. I actually grew up in upstate New York. And I joined the marine Corps, went out and saw the world. And I was know there's got to be a better life out there. And I was right. I mean, the Marine Corps was very good to me, was very good for me. Came here in Indiana to go to Purdue, got a degree in accounting, and then I really went to work.

Mark Dolfini [00:04:59]:
And I started buying rental properties when I was still in school. Bought a sizable rental portfolio just with some hustling and some willing and dealing. And I got up to a little over $6 million in rental portfolio in a rental portfolio. And then 2008 came along, and in 2008, everything. Now, keep in mind, everybody from the outside looking in thought, holy crap, this guy's doing pretty well. He's got 92 rental units. He's got $65,000 a month in revenue coming in. From the back of the napkin math, it looked like I was doing pretty well, except I was so highly leveraged, not just in money, but also in time.

Mark Dolfini [00:05:43]:
And I was completely time weary. I barely had time to do all the little jobs that I had set up for myself. And I had a relationship that was basically suffering because I wasn't focusing on, I wasn't building on that. It was always when there was a crisis, I would work on it, right? But my business was really taking the front seat in many, many areas. So I had these hundreds of little jobs that I was doing for myself. And then eventually just the stack of cards started to fall. So I started working more hours. I was working sometimes 2020, 2 hours at a time, catching naps when I was in the lowe's parking lot or these sorts of things.

Mark Dolfini [00:06:24]:
It was just in madness. And then God has a way of pressing the pause button on us. And I ended up getting double pneumonia, and I almost died in the hospital. And it was during that time that I said, this is madness. I'm a smart guy. There's no reason for me to be working the way that I'm working. I recognize the need to start working a little bit differently. Working smarter, obviously smarter, not harder, but working smarter, but working smarter in a different way.

Mark Dolfini [00:06:54]:
And it sent me down this path, which I end up writing in this. It's a book. It's a more real estate focused book. And I'm working on one that is more towards the small business owner. But that's where I really came up with this idea around the vip method of approaching business, which is probably what we're going to be talking mostly about today, which is vision, infrastructure and process and vision. What I came to realize is that my vision was entirely business focused. And here's the problem. Okay, now, so I'm going to make two distinctions here.

Mark Dolfini [00:07:28]:
The difference between a personal vision and a business vision. So my business vision, everything was focused either on my career or business vision. Everything was very business or career vision focused. We'll just use the word business vision for now. And here's the problem. When you create a business vision before you create a personal vision, you end up creating a life that exists to serve the business. Let me say that one more time. When you create a business vision.

Mark Dolfini [00:07:57]:
Before you end up creating a personal vision, you end up creating a life that exists to serve the business. And that's exactly what I had done. So as I'm laying there in this hospital bed and I'm realizing that I have absolutely no direction for my life and what I'm trying to actually accomplish, I realize that what am I doing this all for? And I think that many, many business owners, they maybe have an idea of that, but they never actually define that. So I set about this whole journey of really defining my personal vision first and then creating a business that exists to serve that personal vision.

Victoria Rayburn [00:08:35]:
Amazing. I know that there are so many people listening right now. You're talking about the season of working 20 hours a day and trying to nap when you can. I mean, I know some, all business owners feel that so much. And guys, like, I'm so excited for this conversation. I really feel like this is just going to be one of the most beneficial episodes that we have put out so far. And, yeah, I'm thinking, like, okay, these are quotes we got to give to our designers. Make sure we can share those all over the place.

Victoria Rayburn [00:09:04]:
But, Mark, so for the sake of this conversation, before we get into the, how can you tell us what is a personal vision? And then also, why is it important to create a personal vision for your life and business? Now, I know you've already answered this question, but I really feel like it is so ever loving important. Let's tell everybody one more time.

Mark Dolfini [00:09:23]:
Yeah, no, well, I hit it, but it's definitely worth repeating this again. But the reason for this. Okay, and I'm going to challenge your listeners now. Again, some of you might be too young to remember this, but let's pretend that, do you remember where you were, maybe for your older listeners, do you remember where you were on 911? And if you were, you go, yes. And I remember because I was actually in St. Louis at the time. I was driving, and I grew up in New York, so I knew it was very personal to me because I had a lot of people that worked in the city. I had a lot of people that actually commuted there, here.

Mark Dolfini [00:10:00]:
It was very personal to me. And I had been up in the Twin towers a couple of different times in the observation deck, and it was just one of my favorite places to go in the city. And I'm thinking, man, there's a lot of people that work in that building. Didn't know how many at the time, of course, but that was very personal for me. But the reason I'm asking this question is because you're like, okay, yeah, I remember where I was. Or maybe you say, hey, do you remember where you were when you first heard about COVID Right? Do you remember where you were when you first heard something that would be. Or maybe when you had a really close friend die. Do you remember where you were when you heard the news? Well, the reason I'm bringing this up.

Mark Dolfini [00:10:37]:
Or maybe I'll just use a more silly example. Have you ever had a friend who bought a new car? Okay, and your friend has this car. And the dealer said, oh, my gosh, you're going to love this car. And this car is the only color blue in the entire city. You are so lucky to have this car in this color blue. Right? Except where do you see that car? Honestly? You see it everywhere. You're like. And you don't have the heart to tell your friend, oh, my gosh, unless you change genders and whatever.

Mark Dolfini [00:11:15]:
All of a sudden I see this large man driving your car, or whatever, and you're a small female or whatever. It's just one of those things. You're like, holy crap, I see this car everywhere. Well, what I'm talking about is reticular activation. It's something that is very powerful within us, for us to notice things. Because now they're in our sphere. And I don't know. I mean, maybe it goes back to our ancestral days where we were walking through a jungle.

Mark Dolfini [00:11:46]:
And we're looking for eyeballs looking out through the bush, because it's going to eat you, right? So you're looking for those things. But regardless, this is very innate within us. Now, the same thing happens because there's an emotional connection to that blue car. There's an emotional connection to 911. There's an emotional connection to maybe Covid or whatever it was, or maybe that person passing away. So there's a deep emotional connection that is formed when that event happens. Okay? So you see the blue car. You see pictures of 911 or whatever.

Mark Dolfini [00:12:19]:
The reason that's important is because now, when you're defining your personal vision, and I mean defining it in a way that's really, really, like, from a one to a ten, it is super, super clear. I mean, you're at eight, nine or ten on how clear your personal vision is. When you are really clear about what you do want and specifically what you do want, and not all the things that you don't want. But when you're focusing on the things that you do want, all of a sudden these opportunities start showing up in your personal vision. And you go hey, actually, why did I ever think of that? Well, it's because now you're focusing on it. Now you have this thing showing up in your world because it's well defined. Okay? This is why it's really, really important for you to have a personal vision that it doesn't have the things you don't want. And I'll give you an example.

Mark Dolfini [00:13:12]:
Many people, they say, well, I don't want a job, right? I don't want to be in debt. I don't want to work 80 hours a week. Well, what have you done? You've effect created a list of all the things you don't want. Well, having a list of the things that you don't want based on reticular activation, right? Because now you're seeing all these things, you're making them true. So now that you have all these things in your life that you don't want, that's like going to the grocery store with a list of all the things you don't want to buy, right? So if you say on your list, well, I don't need bread, I don't need milk, and I don't need eggs, not with anything you do want, but all the things you don't want, what are you going to see when you go to the grocery store? Well, there's the bread, there's the milk, there's the eggs. Right? So this is really about defining specifically what it is that you do want. Now let me unpack that just a little bit. And you'd say, well, yeah, but there's lots of different options.

Mark Dolfini [00:14:04]:
Okay. Certainly maybe there's things around discovery that you do want. That's okay. But what. Most of the time when I go into this process with people about helping them discover their personal vision, and I say basically discover, but actually it's more of an uncovering process. First, it's uncovering first, discovering second. I want you to think of the vision process or the personal vision process as going into the metaphorical attic of your mind and opening up the chest. You open up the chest and you look through it and you go, oh my gosh, I forgot this was in here.

Mark Dolfini [00:14:36]:
Oh my gosh, I forgot that was in there. Maybe when you were eleven years old, you always wanted to own a four wheeler, right? And so you could ride around. Okay, that's great. Maybe there was something you always wanted to learn. Maybe you wanted to learn to speak Spanish or Japanese or something. So it's all of these things that you just kind of covered over in the recesses of your mind, because let's face it, life as an entrepreneur just got busy. So many times when I go into the personal vision process with folks, what I would see is people would come back with all these crazy things that now, I'm not calling them crazy. I'm just looking at them going, okay, you really want to dive out of a.

Mark Dolfini [00:15:18]:
You know, you want to skydive out of an airplane holding a baby shark? Is that really what you want? And their spouse is looking at them going, where did you learn that? Where did you hear that? Well, I don't know. I heard. I saw it on a Discovery Channel or something. A lot of times, what they'll do is they'll put stuff on there first around discovery, and they haven't even gone under the uncovering process. So what this is about is when you get to the end of your life, or you get to the point of your life where you're not going to be able to travel as much or whatever else it is, there's no regrets. There's no, oh, man. You know what? I never really thought about it since I was 10, 11, 13, 12, 15, 17 years old, because I never gave myself permission to actually think about that stuff. I never gave myself permission to be happy.

Mark Dolfini [00:16:03]:
So these are the sorts of things where, when you're starting to recognize this stuff first in your personal vision that you're uncovering first, discovering second. So then you can put on other stuff after you've identified the stuff that you do want and say, okay, yeah, this is stuff from my past I really want. Or actually, I'm okay, I don't really want to go bungee jumping anymore. Or I've done it once, checked the box, I'm good to go. That's fine. And then you could put other things on there. So, in terms of the visioning process, one of the things that I like to do is walk people through, specifically a couple of different things in terms of how to actually do that. And we can talk about that if you want.

Mark Dolfini [00:16:45]:
I knew you had a question.

Victoria Rayburn [00:16:46]:
Yes. No, that sounds great. Yeah, step by step would be great. And I mean, then mark, too. And I'm sure you'll go through this as you go through step by step. I mean, as amazing as jumping out of a plane while holding a baby shark. Sounds great. Maybe you could give us some examples of things that you encourage your students to think about just in case other people don't want to jump out of a plane with a shark.

Mark Dolfini [00:17:09]:
Not on my bucket list. Yeah, for sure. Let me just put this out there. This is not about playing small, but it is about being intentional. Because I think part of the problem is that for business owners, the world is our oyster. We can literally do whatever it is that we want. But if you never define the what it is that you want many times. I mean, think about this for a second.

Mark Dolfini [00:17:34]:
What's the default setting for a business owner? Work. Go work. Go do work. Go find something to do. There's always something to do. There's always. In the four core functions of business, you've got lead generation, sales, operations and accounting. So if they're following you guys, you guys have the lead generation piece down.

Mark Dolfini [00:17:55]:
And because you guys do that so well, it makes the sales piece run really well. And if the sales piece is running well, then the operational function can not necessarily will, but can runs more smoothly. And if all of that is running smoothly, then it leaves the operational function. I'm sorry, it leaves the accounting function easier to run as well. So all of those things are symbiotic. They run the lead generation, sales operations and accounting. They all run together. So that's the problem when you start to think about this from a personal vision perspective.

Mark Dolfini [00:18:26]:
Now you have a business that actually exists to serve you, and the business exists to serve and deliver all those individual personal visions, or the pieces of those personal vision that, oh, my gosh, I can actually take a week off and my business isn't going to implode without me. Yeah, what a concept, right? In terms of the personal vision, in terms of how to help carve that out just for the sake of time. Generally, it takes me a whole day to kind of do this with folks, and then they have their own work to do on the other, on the other side of that. But just for the purpose of the call here, think about what it would be like if you were writing your hundredth birthday speech. What would you say? Not only what would you say, but who would you want in the room? Who are the folks that would be in the room? And who would you want to? Or what would be the message that you would want those people to carry outside that room? What would be the message that you would want them to hear to carry outside the room after you left, after they were gone, after, you know, after everybody has gone away? And what would maybe from another perspective, in terms of the hundredth birthday speech, what would you want them to say about you after you had given your presentation, after you had given your speech, or maybe even before. But the point is, for many folks, it's about impact. For many folks, it's about their purpose. I know I'm making a big deal about vision here, but I really don't believe that vision is the final piece.

Mark Dolfini [00:20:09]:
I believe our purpose is, and I believe that our vision is the keyhole that we look through to see our purpose on the other side. So as you orient yourself to your vision, as you physically get closer to that keyhole, right, or you metaphorically get closer to your personal vision, and you start to orient yourself and look around, and you start to see a much larger room on the other side of that keyhole. Now you can see your purpose, and it's going to come to you in pieces. It doesn't always come like, oh, this is your purpose. No, this is your purpose for today, right? For this season, for this section of your life. But that's why I'm saying for now, focus on your vision. And all of a sudden, as you get more and more clear and more and more honest with yourself about what your personal vision is, all of a sudden you're going to start to see pieces of your purpose on the other side that will come in much more greater clarity.

Kelly Rice [00:21:05]:
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Victoria Rayburn [00:22:28]:
Man, all of that was so good. And advice I wish I really would have had. When I think back to starting my photography business, and I mean, we've since phased out of that. But Mark, I just love your point of more often than not, we build these businesses and we build our lives around our. We build our lives around our businesses because we do. We focus on the business plan, we focus on the marketing strategy, and we don't necessarily take the time to think about how this is going to affect every other aspect of our lives. Had I had a personal vision before starting a photography business, I think I would have realized, like, hey, my husband works nine to five and his schedule is not flexible. We're going to shoot weddings and we're going to be on opposite schedules for all of our days.

Victoria Rayburn [00:23:12]:
And that is not how we want to live our life. That wouldn't have matched with a personal vision had we taken the time to clarify one.

Mark Dolfini [00:23:21]:
And I love that you said that because that's so hard to admit. Right? It's not any failing that you had, but at some point you recognized, wait a minute, I'm not getting to spend any time with my guy, and this is my ride or die guy, and he's nine to five and I'm having to go to work when he's just getting there. That's not working, right. You asked for a specificity in my personal vision, and I'm happy to share that. One of the things, let's face it, being married to an entrepreneur, being married to a business owner is probably one of the toughest things. Because anytime the business needs something, who pays the price? The family pays the price. Every business is a family business, even if it's not. So when you stop there and think about this for a second, that when you have that clarity, and I'll share this, my marriage was on the struggle bus for a while.

Mark Dolfini [00:24:27]:
And I'll be honest with you, if I didn't have complete and total control over my calendar, if I didn't have time, wealth, I don't know that my marriage would have survived. And for the better part of an entire summer, I did nothing but pour into my bride. And we have an amazing relationship now, amazing and authentic. And we're not living our life for everybody else. I mean, we will live our life focused on God and one another, and that's pretty much it. And once we started doing that and getting right in the right areas of our life, and we have a vision for what we want our marriage to look like, and we share that with one another, we have a vision for what we want our faith, what we want our relationship with God to be, right. We have a vision for what we want our physical bodies to be in our physicality, right. In terms of going to the gym and eating right and all those things.

Mark Dolfini [00:25:25]:
So we have those pieces of our life in terms of. That are really, really important. Not just necessarily, that's why the 100th birthday speech is a great start. But think about all the other areas of your life that you would want an impact in, whether it was faith and family and finances and all the other things, all the fun, all the things that would be important to you. And sometimes, let's be honest, sometimes there are folks in our lives that are those, how do I say this nicely? Life force vampires. And okay, that might be a relationship with someone who you're related to, but realistically, you're like, man, they are just exhausting and they take too much from me. Now, if it's a child in that sort of situation, you may not be able to work that out right away, but if it's someone who is in your life that really, you kind of need to say, you know what? I'm just going to stop watering that grass. I don't need to have it out with them.

Mark Dolfini [00:26:23]:
But realistically, they don't fit in their vision. Or if it is someone you want in their life and they're heading down a path that you can't follow, then you can be authentic with them and say, hey, look, I put together a vision for what I would like our relationship to look like. If it doesn't fit with where you're at, that's totally fine, but at least I can get it off my heart and share that with you. And now if they continue on the path that they're going down, at least you've spoken your mind. This personal vision piece is so, so critical because the next piece of that is the business vision. And the business vision exists to serve the personal vision, right, and then ultimately your purpose. But, yeah, that's where I feel like there's so many aspects of what you just shared that had you been really clear up front saying, wait a minute, hold on a second. This is what I want my personal vision to look like.

Mark Dolfini [00:27:14]:
Then when you go start down this path of your business vision. In the business vision, I define the business vision with core purpose, core values, and client avatar. You could say, okay, well, my core purpose is to shoot film, right? I really like shooting 35 millimeter or digital, whatever it was. So for you, you really want to do this? You really want to do your client avatar, your ideal client avatar is, say, weddings, right? So you've got your core purpose, your client avatar, and then your core values. You'd say my core values are. I'm faith centered. Whatever the core values are that are important to you, the things that are intrinsically important to you, you value maybe integrity, you value maybe honesty or whatever. So when you go to meet with your ideal client avatar and your client avatar are all wedding people, and you're like, look, I only get to see my guy very little during the week.

Mark Dolfini [00:28:16]:
This is going to chew up my entire weekend. I'm not going to get to hang out with him, my family, my kids, whatever. I'm out. Maybe I can serve a different avatar, because serving this avatar is just going to be too. It's going to be too far outside of my personal vision. And that's okay. Right now, you're not creating a business that exists, that you have to exist to serve.

Victoria Rayburn [00:28:38]:
Absolutely, yes. If we could go back in time about ten years, that would have been swell. So, Mark, I know a lot of our listeners, they are very much like checklist kind of people. Like, we need a step one, a step two, a step three. Think you just did a beautiful job of breaking down. This is how you create your personal vision for your business. Can we go back to the how to for your life? So you said, we'll start with that 100th birthday speech, and then from there, what can people do next? Do you recommend putting it down on paper? Do you recommend setting boundaries? How do they craft their personal vision? What does it really look like? And then how the heck do they implement it?

Mark Dolfini [00:29:21]:
Yeah, so there's a couple of things. Unpack that. Yes, in my opinion, it has to be something that's written down. And I will tell you this. When I went to do this the first time, I learned about personal vision, probably, I think it was back in 90. Oh, it was probably around 1998. I was reading a real estate book, and I was introduced to this whole concept of having a vision of what it was that I wanted. Now, it didn't really distinguish the difference between personal vision and business vision.

Mark Dolfini [00:29:54]:
It was just kind of threw it out there as a vision. I definitely make a hard line in the sand between what's a personal vision and a business vision. I don't believe a personal vision should include how you make money. How I make income does not define who I am. And when people often ask me what it is that I do, and I'm like, well, what do I do for money? Or what do I do in general, because me being a dad, me being a man of faith, me being a good husband to my bride, those are things that are really important to me. But I'm also a researcher, I'm also an author, I'm an avid reader. And those are the sorts of things that really are important to me. I don't know that I would put strategist on that list.

Mark Dolfini [00:30:37]:
That's really high, really on the top of that list. Although that's what I do for money, right? But I'm also a real estate investor. I'm also a business owner. I'm also other things in my life from the one, two, three steps, it really is going to be important for you to, number one, stop and take stock of where you're at mentally, okay? So you have to stop and think about where you're at in your emotions. So I'll give you an example. So in our many people, a lot of times they tend to think very negatively, right? Maybe, you know, these negative people in your life, they're just like, they're not happy unless they're complaining, right? Those are very scarcity driven individuals. They're just not happy. They're very scarcity driven.

Mark Dolfini [00:31:32]:
They're just not in a good place, right? A lot of times, and I will catch myself doing that now. I'm one of those obnoxiously positive people. It's like, oh, grass is always green, always the optimist, right? Like, the house is on fire and you're like, at least I don't have to pay the heating bill this month, right? I'm obnoxiously optimistic in a lot of things, but when it comes to this, it's really important to take stock in terms of where you're at personally. And what I would say it would be important for you to take stock on where you're at personally in that I would say it's really important to get at least to neutral, and I'll explain why. So have you ever had one of those days that it was like everything just turned to crap? We've all had those days, right? And it's like, oh, my gosh, absolutely. Can anything else go? And it's only like 930. Is there anything else that can go wrong? Right. One of the things that I love to do is get to a place of neutrality.

Mark Dolfini [00:32:31]:
So let me ask you something. When you're thinking of shame or guilt or it's where we're at on our consciousness, but when you're thinking of shame or guilt or something like that, that's all stuff that exists, where it exists in the past. So what I'm trying to do is get incredibly present. And one of the things that I do that get incredibly present is I will just write out a list of things that I'm grateful for. And I know that sounds super silly, but literally when I'm in my, like, I'm just mad about something and I'm like, oh my gosh, I can't get past this. I don't know why I'm so mad about this. I've got whiteboards all over my office. I will literally, for 20 minutes, just write down as many things as possible that I'm grateful for.

Mark Dolfini [00:33:21]:
I'm grateful for birds, I'm grateful for grass. I'm grateful for air conditioning. I'm grateful for windows. I'm grateful for stop signs. I'm grateful for the roads to get me to where I'm going. I'm grateful for my children, I'm grateful for God. I'm grateful for my bride. I'm grateful for my alarm system.

Mark Dolfini [00:33:36]:
I'm grateful for my microphone. I'm grateful for all the things where I'm able to communicate right now. Notice what I did, notice what I did. And as I do this, and as I really am truly feeling grateful for those things, I might be mad for the first twelve, but eventually, all of a sudden, it starts to shift. And I notice when I've done that with myself and I've changed, all of a sudden I'm shifting my consciousness and now I'm getting out of scarcity. And all I'm looking is for neutral. All I'm looking is to be present. That's all I'm looking for in that moment.

Mark Dolfini [00:34:08]:
Now, a lot of times I'm more than present, but I'm just trying to get to the present. So I would massively recommend doing that exercise first, because that will get you from that place you're at in your consciousness, in that zone of consciousness. You're getting out of scarcity, and you don't need to necessarily be completely abundant, but at least getting to neutral, right? That's what we're looking for. So when you are done with that, that is setting you up in a really good place. Let's say you've done that for ten minutes and then you can write it down, you can put it on a whiteboard, you can maybe just shout it out like I just did, but set an alarm, do it for, I would say at least ten minutes if it's the first time you're doing it. And then from there, then you can work on your, again, 100th birthday speech. Maybe it's something that you just, and it can just be a straight list. It can be a list of things.

Mark Dolfini [00:34:59]:
Some people prefer bullet points. Some people prefer a narrative. Some people would like to maybe write down what their ideal day would look like if their life wasn't defined by income generation. That's a really good place to start. Another tool. If you think like 100th birthday speech is too, I don't know, it just doesn't really resonate with you. What would you want people to say at your funeral? What would you want people to say for your eulogy? That's another way to look at that, where you get to disassociate yourself. Because I know a lot of people who struggle, and let's face it, there's a lot of business owners who struggle with self worth issues.

Mark Dolfini [00:35:36]:
Maybe they can't do that with 100th birthday speech, but they could do that with a eulogy. One somewhat fun thing to do is what would you have written on your tombstone right now you got to be pretty clear about what you want written on your tombstone because you only have maybe 1620 words, something like that. So you get to be really intentional about that. But that's where I would say so, first of all, it's really important that you recognize where you're at in your zone of consciousness, getting yourself to a level of presence. That's step one. Step two is going to be to sit down and write that out. And it can be written as a narrative. It can be written as a story.

Mark Dolfini [00:36:11]:
If you're more of a bullet point type person, that's fine, too, getting those things written out in your bullet points. And here's what I would say after that, once you have all of those things written down. Now, again, I have a much deeper way to do this. I'm just kind of doing this for the purpose of the call today. But generally there's a 66 point vision roadmap that I have that people walk through. And it just asks all these different questions about their faith, how they feel physically, the relationships that are important to them and so forth and so on. And they can identify these things. But when you really get clear in terms of that, and really let me just point out, this is not going to be something you're going to bang out in a weekend.

Mark Dolfini [00:36:57]:
This is not something that's going to take, oh, well, I'll just do this on a Saturday as I'm sipping on a cocktail. That's not something that's going to. It's going to take time. And I can tell you that most of the people who have really put a level ten effort on this, it usually takes somewhere between a month to several months to get it to a point where it's at least clear. And they go, okay, I really feel it's really clear. And guess what? At the end of the year, my suggestion is to completely burn it all down. Don't take anything with that vision and rebuild it and start from scratch. If you were to rebuild it again, and I do this every single year, and I do this with my bride, and I say, hey, look, all right, we're going to do our vision thing.

Mark Dolfini [00:37:39]:
We're going to burn this all down. And I don't want to take anything with it. What would it look like if we were going to be rebuilding something else? And the really fun thing is my wife and I are really very seriously looking at a mobile lifestyle at some point where we've got a 17 year old, a 15 year old, and right now an eleven month old, and we're like, you know what? We could honestly see ourselves at a point where we're in an rv and we are just traveling around and I can do this remotely and I can do this anywhere and we get to do that. So that would be a part of a vision that I would have. So hopefully those suggestions are a little bit more clear. There's a lot to it, though. And I just don't want you to think that this is something that you can bang out with a weekend with really anything that less than a level ten effort, because it's really going to take quite a bit of work to get that. But I will tell you, it is 100% worth it.

Victoria Rayburn [00:38:37]:
Absolutely. Okay. So, Mark, going through that process, I just have a couple of questions.

Mark Dolfini [00:38:41]:
Sure.

Victoria Rayburn [00:38:42]:
So first of all, you said that you and your wife, do you do this together? For those listening, if they have a spouse, if they have a partner, how much of crafting the personal vision should happen with them? How much should happen without them? What does that part of the process really look like?

Mark Dolfini [00:39:00]:
I'm so glad you asked it. I was going to go down that rabbit hole, but I wasn't sure if I should. But I'm glad you brought this up because if there is, here's my suggestion. My suggestion is that each individual needs to work on their own individual vision first. Okay? And then they'll come together as a couple and then they'll marry those two things. Like, look, Victoria, you and your guy, that's your guy, right? But you probably have very different interests in certain things, and you're. Yeah, like, you have no interest in doing whatever things that he likes to do. And there's certain things that you like to do that he loves that you do them and he adores that you do them, but he couldn't care less for him.

Mark Dolfini [00:39:46]:
That's not his thing. Right. That doesn't mean that your relationship is bad. No. We are two individuals, but we're joined as one flesh. Right. So with me and my gal, with Jen and I, what we will do is we do that separately, and then we come together and say, okay, well, how does this actually look? Now, here is the caveat, okay? And this is one of the reasons why many times when I'm working with a business owner that has a significant other, I will work with them and say, hey, look, I really would like to include your husband or your wife in this coaching. And they're like, well, yeah, but the business thing is mine.

Mark Dolfini [00:40:29]:
And he or she isn't really interested in the other side. I'm like, well, hold on a second. That's why I'm a life and business strategist. This is not just about your business. This is about your entire life. And really, let's get you some tools in your toolbox to help you guys communicate better and have a better marriage. I'm not a marriage counselor, and I'm not trying to be, but I do have some tools in my toolbox because of the disaster that I walked through with my gal. Right.

Mark Dolfini [00:40:58]:
And we came out on the other side tremendously. Are you using. And this is where sometimes I will challenge these business owners. I say, are you using work to hide from what's going on at home? Because let's face it, when things aren't right at home, things aren't right anywhere. And that's a really hard thing for people to say. Well, like, well, yeah, I guess sometimes that isn't the case, but many, many times it is where they're actually using work to hide from a relationship stuff that's going on that they don't want to deal with. And that's exactly what I was doing. I was working crazy hours for a while.

Mark Dolfini [00:41:38]:
Even after I climbed out of that smoking wreckage of my life, I went back to working 16, 18 hours a day because I didn't want to go home and deal with the nonsense that we were going through, I was hiding from it. So when I'm looking at those self sabotaging behaviors that I was engaging in, hiding from the things that were really important for me is just one of them. But that is where I really feel that business owners, if you do have a significant other in your life, that you do the individual, you'll do your personal visions separately, and then you'll come together. And with the one exception that I can think of, which is children, I really can't think of any other thing that generally, in some way can't be worked out.

Victoria Rayburn [00:42:27]:
Mark, we're going to have to have you back on the show to have a whole conversation just about marriage, because I know people are listening right now, and, like, you know, whether your family is involved in your business or not, it is a family business. It affects your family arguably more than your employees some days. Yes. Okay. So that was one question I had. Thank you so much for answering that. Another question that I just wanted, another price wanted to return to. So you did say that you are actually reassessing your personal vision at the end of every year.

Victoria Rayburn [00:43:00]:
Is that correct?

Mark Dolfini [00:43:01]:
Yeah. So I actually review my personal vision now. I have little off camera. I have, like, little notes all over my office and in my wallet. I have several bullet pointed things that are part of my vision. I see my vision everywhere. I'm constantly reminded about it. I created a set of personal affirmations that I spoke into my phone and I listened to them.

Mark Dolfini [00:43:27]:
When I'm in what's called your alpha State. Your alpha state is when you're kind of in your daydreaming state. I'm standing in the shower kind of like a cow in the hot rain. Let's face it. That's when many ideas come up, right? When you're standing in the shower, and it's like. It's when your spouse comes out of the shower, like, honey, we're going in the oil business. And you're like, that's nice, sweetheart. No, we're not.

Mark Dolfini [00:43:50]:
But that's when all these ideas come up, right? When you're in your alpha state and you're in your alpha state, when you're driving, you're doing a very monotonous task, and you're kind of lost in your thoughts. You may be walking on a treadmill, standing in the rain, or standing in the shower. That's another one that's very common. So I will actually engage in conditioning, reconditioning, and I hate using the word reprogramming, but I'm trying to get the thoughts that are those invasive thoughts that are negative in my mind and replace them with thoughts that are actually things that are towards my vision and towards activities that would support that vision. So it reminds me of my faith. It reminds me of my dedication to my family, and it reminds me of other things in terms of maybe business goals that I have or pieces of my business vision. So that is a really important thing. But it's not static.

Mark Dolfini [00:44:48]:
It changes as I evolve. Let's use a really extreme example. Victoria, when you were 15 years old, there were certain things in your life that were really important to you, right? Let me ask you this. Did things change when you were 16 or maybe 18?

Victoria Rayburn [00:45:08]:
Absolutely.

Mark Dolfini [00:45:09]:
So in just a really reasonably short time, all of a sudden, things massively changed for you. Well, why? Well, maybe you were able to drive. Maybe you were able to get a little bit more freedoms, maybe whatever. Think about from when you were 16 to 18 or from your 18 to your 21, from 21 to 24. All of those massive changes occurred in your life because you changed, because you evolved. So as you go down and you live this thing called life, you're going to go, you know what? I really put up having a boat in my vision. And then finally I'm like, you know what? I really don't want a boat. I would like access to a boat, but I don't necessarily want a boat.

Mark Dolfini [00:45:49]:
That's a lot of damn work, right? And you go, okay, so maybe it's just something I need access to. Maybe you want a cool car or a big house or a beach house or whatever. I'm not saying any of that stuff is wrong. Right. But what I'm saying is that when you can really get clear in terms of what it is you really are trying to do, you'd say, you know what? Why do you want the boat? Well, I actually really don't want the boat. I just want to have something that my family can come do, and we can always go rent a boat. We don't necessarily need to have a boat on a dock that I'm having to pay for and all these different things. So when you're backing into the money piece, many people say, well, I really want 50,000 or 100,000 or $150,000 a month coming in in revenue so I can go do these so I can get to go live this life thing.

Mark Dolfini [00:46:33]:
And they're constantly striving for that more and more and more revenue, but they never actually define what the other side is going to be when they actually get there. So I will tell you, there's a lot of pieces of my personal vision that I get to live every single day, and I'm not anywhere near the revenue goal that I want to hit but I don't have.

Victoria Rayburn [00:46:55]:
Oh, and Mark, you kind of already touched on this a little bit. Sorry, I'm like, with your great explanation, I was. Okay, like, want to make sure we have clarification on these?

Mark Dolfini [00:47:02]:
No, you're good. I love it.

Victoria Rayburn [00:47:04]:
But you already mentioned affirmations and sticky notes. So what are some practical ways that people can just ensure that they are actually pursuing their personal vision every day? Because I think we've all been to those conferences or workshops or whatever, and you walk away with a notebook full of things and you swear that this is going to be the new me and then you forget it.

Mark Dolfini [00:47:27]:
Yeah, no, I love it. Man, I'm so glad you brought that up. Because what happens Sunday you're like new me, and Monday morning, it's the same blinking cursor on your computer and nothing changed because you haven't changed. So there's way more to unpack than when I'm going to explain this. But one of the things you have to start to be careful of and recognize is your self sabotaging behaviors. And those self sabotaging behaviors are almost always linked to a limiting belief. Now, a limiting belief. Now, we all have beliefs, right? But when we have a limiting belief that says, well, even though you may not be articulating this, our limiting beliefs lie in a part that's outside of our cognitive brain, right? So if you think about it, we got these different, we got this little reptilian brain, which is the fight or flight.

Mark Dolfini [00:48:22]:
You've got this midbrain, this limbic system that exists which holds our feelings. And then you've got this cognitive brain, which is where we do all of our cerebral thinking. Well, when you're in your limbic system, that's where it holds a lot of the feelings. And how you feel about something dictates quite often what you're going to end up doing about something. So, for example, when you get some sort of stimulus on the outside, it's either going to say, okay, the stimulus comes in and the stimulus can be a thought inside or it can be an event outside. But this stimulus happens and it's going to say, okay, I don't know if you remember the price is right game, Plinko, but it's like you put the chip at the top and it kind of funnels its way down through your belief system, through your value system, and this is what's going to create your state. Okay? So think about this, right? You hear some bad news, right? And it goes through the planko game of your mind, and you'd say, okay, it's either going to come up as fundamentally good, fundamentally bad, or somewhere in the middle, right? Let's say that if I say the birth of a baby, right, some people might say, oh, fundamentally good, right? But if I say, well, what if that birth of the baby was Adolf Hitler? You might go, oh, fundamentally bad. Okay, well, how does it change? Right? Well, it changed because you got more information, but it creates a state.

Mark Dolfini [00:49:41]:
So if I say something to you that makes you really happy, like, hey, you just want a trip, you're like, oh, my gosh, that's so joyful. And it creates your state of joy. Well, how do you react to a state of joy? Well, you're not going to walk around all mopey, oh, man, I just want a trip. That doesn't make any sense, right? You'd be excited about it, right? Oh, my gosh, I want a trip. So now your behavior matches your state. Does that make sense? So a lot of times when you're looking at your behavior, your behavior will indicate to you when there are some sort of limiting beliefs. So, for example, if you are engaging in self sabotaging behavior around something, let's just say, oh, my gosh, I know I have all this stuff to do, but I cannot stop watching TikTok videos. Okay, so you're allowing distractions to exist in your life.

Mark Dolfini [00:50:31]:
That's the self sabotaging behavior. Maybe the self sabotaging behavior is having a bad relationship with money. Maybe the self sabotaging behavior is having a bad relationship with time. Maybe the self sabotaging behavior is starting things and not finishing things. Maybe the self sabotaging behavior is where you are procrastinating all the time. Right? These are just one of hundreds of examples that show up that all of a sudden it's like, oh, my gosh, these are self sabotaging behaviors. I wish I could stop doing this. Right.

Mark Dolfini [00:51:05]:
Well, almost always it's tied to some level of limiting belief, and almost always, not always, but almost always, it's tied to some level of self unworthiness. And so for me to make sure that I'm actually doing the things that I'm reprogramming, it's about valuing myself. It's unprogramming that unworthiness. And I will tell you this. For many people who struggle with ADHD, there's something called RSD, which is called rejection, sensitive dysphoria. And this is when you'll just tend to ruminate on something for days and days and sometimes weeks about something like, oh, my gosh. Victoria said, oh, nice shirt. And I'm like, was there something wrong with my not, do I stink? And I, rather than just go to Victoria, you said something the other day about my shirt, and did you mean something about that? She's like, no, I really like that shirt on you.

Mark Dolfini [00:52:02]:
Oh, okay. Meanwhile, we created this whole massive story, right? Because of this rejection sensitive dysphoria. Well, here's the thing. Many business owners, many people who have ADHD are business owners because they don't like all the rules that they have to live with, with someone else's business. So they become entrepreneurs, they become business owners. So these are the sorts of things that they struggle with as well. So from a very narrow basis, to answer your question, I really feel that affirmations are a way to help reprogram and recondition your brain towards something that you really do want. Now, I say this.

Mark Dolfini [00:52:39]:
These things do have to be in alignment with your core values. So your core values, when you're defining your core values, these are things. These are values that things that you value, that you're willing to stand up for. You might value chocolate and you might value dollars. Sometimes I value dollars more than I value chocolate because I go and take my dollars and go get chocolate, right. Peanut m and m specifically. But sometimes I'll value dollars more than peanut m and Ms. And I know that's a silly example, but there always is going to be a conflict within those core values.

Mark Dolfini [00:53:16]:
But, for example, when you have a core value that is core to you, it's generally going to be noticed when you have someone that does something to you. For example, maybe it's a friend, maybe it was a former partner or lover that you were with or intimate person you were with, and they really hurt you, right? And almost always, it's going to be some challenge that was a core value for you, right? So if they lied to you, that might be something you go, you know what? I really value honesty. But if I'm really being honest, maybe it's more about integrity. It's about being integrated. It's about being aligned in all areas of your life, right. That I'm going to do what I say that I'm going to do. That's important to me, right. So it's really important in terms of how you identify your core values.

Mark Dolfini [00:54:07]:
So I know I unpacked a lot there, right, in that little section. But the affirmations, they have to be done in the present tense. They have to be done generally short, they have to be done in your voice. And I know people say, oh my gosh, I hate my voice. Right? Victoria, what do you think that I would say if someone says, I hate the sound of my voice? Do you think that might be an unworthiness thing?

Victoria Rayburn [00:54:31]:
Oh goodness. Yep. Nope. Speaks to me a little bit too. Then when you have a podcast and you don't like your own voice, you don't tend to go back and listen to many of the episodes. So I can totally relate.

Mark Dolfini [00:54:42]:
Yes, I get it. So those are the sorts of things, and these are the things where going back and revisiting this, because answer the original question, go back and look at this for the time of once a year, roughly, we do it in the holidays and we will kind of burn it all down and we revisit it and go, okay, and using the roadmap that we use again, you can use just the loose framework of the 100th birthday speech. That's a great start. And then from there you can just walk that you're kind of writing this narrative down, what you would want your vision to look like in the next twelve months. In the next 36 months. And then maybe there's certain things beyond 36 months that are identified, but you're not thinking, well, realistically, I don't know if it's going to be a 36 month vision, but I do like to put a timeline on those things so people just don't kick the can down the road forever. If you've ever ran into that guy or gal from high school that has that five year plan and the five year plan never started, like, dude, you're twelve years out of high school. When's that plan going to start? So that helps eliminate that as well.

Victoria Rayburn [00:55:51]:
Awesome. And Mark, I believe you have a video all about affirmation, so we can definitely include that link in the show notes if people want to check that out more in full. Mark. Okay, before we officially wrap up, just one last question for know, life happens and inevitably we all have seasons where our priorities get out of order or we just don't follow our personal visions to a t. If someone listening right now is feeling a little or very off track from their personal vision, what advice would you give them? Maybe that is like their marriage you talked about. You've had experiences where your marriage all of a sudden is not in a great place or life is just crazy. But if they had to do something today, what advice would you give them to help them get back on track?

Mark Dolfini [00:56:37]:
Man, this is going to sound really self serving and I don't mean it to be, but get a coach if you'd prefer to reach out to me. Look, I give everybody an hour, depending on my calendar because I don't want to be too time weary. But generally, I'm on any social media function. I know you guys are going to put it in the show notes, but reach out. I am more than happy to walk through, and it doesn't mean you have to buy something from me. I have never in my life felt more convicted that I am doing the exact thing that I was sent here to do. Because when you look back at all of the crap that I have literally crawled through and I just go, oh, my gosh, I actually know how to get out of this situation. Are you open to some coaching on this? And I feel like when people can call me and they say, man, I feel ashamed to admit this, but my personal life is where I want it to be.

Mark Dolfini [00:57:42]:
My business life isn't where I want it to be. I don't really have a relationship with my kids. I want my business. Maybe your business is going well, but maybe things could go better or maybe you're just feeling unfulfilled or maybe none of it is going well. I can tell you, look, I will do my very best to make sure that you do not feel judged, because I can tell you that's a one up game. I generally win in terms of being terrible. I went from the bottom of the bottom, and I never want anybody to feel judged in a way or to a point where they are afraid to reach out for help. I really do feel it's important that you have a coach that can walk you through that stuff.

Mark Dolfini [00:58:24]:
I am going to put a little bit of a caveat on there because there's a lot of coaches out there that are calling themselves mindset coaches, and I did for a minute, but they're calling this stuff, and I do not like this phrase at all. They're calling it shadow work, and it's that addressing the limiting beliefs and stuff like that. And I do feel that some of these people do have their heart in the right place. I do feel that some of these people are doing stuff that's probably better for the mental health professionals and they're uncovering things that maybe not necessarily be the best thing for that person to uncover. So please be very careful that, especially if you're dealing with some sort of trauma, if you're dealing with some sort of PTSD, the stuff that I have are just tools in the toolbox, and I've had people who come to me who are also in therapy, whether it's marriage therapy or personal therapy or things like that, personal counseling. And then they came to me and they had massive breakthroughs, not because of me, but because of the other work they were doing with that other individual. And I just have other tools that can help facilitate that. So not suggesting that I am the panacea.

Mark Dolfini [00:59:40]:
I am not. I'm just a tool in the toolbox. And I would absolutely invite you guys to reach out if there's anything I can do to help. But if I'm not your cup of tea, that's totally fine. But get a coach. Get a coach that's going to look at you not just from a business perspective, but from a holistic perspective. Because let's face it, our businesses are just an extension of us. And when things aren't right at home, when things are not right with us, things are not right anywhere.

Mark Dolfini [01:00:06]:
So that would be the approach that I would say is have someone that you can reach out to be authentic with, be vulnerable with, be comfortable with, and whoever that is, make sure that they are pouring into you and they are holding you accountable, that they are checking in with you, that if you don't call them, they're on the phone with you, they are calling you, they are blowing your phone up, much like I do. And I can tell you that many times this look on the other end of the phone like, oh, gosh, it's my coach calling and I have not done anything since the last call and I've not talked to him in two weeks. That, in my opinion, is what a true coach does, is that they hold people accountable and they check in with them.

Victoria Rayburn [01:00:47]:
Well, Mark, that's a perfect segue into my very last question. If people want to learn more about your coaching and the many resources you offer for small business owners and entrepreneurs, where can people find you, connect with you and just learn all the things?

Mark Dolfini [01:01:03]:
Sure. Well, I'm on Instagram. I know you guys are going to put that stuff up there, but I spend a fair amount of time on Instagram. Not so much on LinkedIn, but I do have a YouTube channel, which if you are more of a self learner and you prefer to do it that way. I have a YouTube channel as well that I post up there fairly often, and it's all content that's relevant to what I just talked about today and all content that's relevant specifically to business owners. And if you'd like to reach out, it's pretty easy. Just go on any of those channels, you can drop me a message. I'm pretty easy to find on social media and on Facebook or Instagram.

Mark Dolfini [01:01:39]:
Instagram or LinkedIn or even through YouTube, you can find me. But like I said, I'm more than happy to hop on a call. I will promise you this. It's not going to be a sales call. It's not going to be me beating you up for an hour, telling you why you should work with me. It's truly a coaching call because truly, this is the way that I give back to business owners and specifically people who might be struggling, especially with stuff going on at home. And I've got some pretty significant tools that I put in my toolbox to help out with that.

Victoria Rayburn [01:02:05]:
Mark, thank you so much. Thank you for your time today. Thank you for that generous offer to talk to our listeners. This has been a wonderful, wonderful conversation. I have no doubt we will have you back on the show very soon. But from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much.

Mark Dolfini [01:02:20]:
My pleasure. Thanks so much.