Episode 69: When The Holidays Hurt: Loving A Hurting Friend Like Jesus

The holidays can be full of lights and laughter—unless you’re the one barely holding it together or walking with someone who is. What do you do when a friend finally admits, “I’m not okay,” right in the middle of a season where everyone else seems to be celebrating?

How can you love them like Jesus without minimizing their pain, trying to fix everything, or burning yourself out in the process?

Host Liza sits down with Pastor Tim to talk about how to show up like Jesus when December feels isolating, grief-filled, or overwhelming for the people we love. They name the wide range of holiday experiences—from full houses to empty chairs and quiet apartments—and invite listeners to lay down assumptions about how “everyone” must be doing. Together they unpack the difference between sympathy and empathy, how to avoid centering yourself in someone else’s pain, and what it looks like to be interruptible and present. They also address what to do when you’re worried about self-harm or suicide, including knowing your limits and involving professional help. Through scripture reflections and practical stories, they remind us that this is ultimately God’s story—and we get to walk in it together.

Key Takeaways

· Drop the assumptions. Behind every smile is a deeper story, especially around Christmas; don’t presume you know how someone feels about the holidays.  

· Resist making it about you. Jumping in with your own story can shift the focus back to yourself; instead, listen and stay with their experience before you speak.  

· Move from sympathy to empathy. Loving your neighbor “as yourself” includes stretching to imagine life in their shoes and asking what they might truly need, not just what feels easy to offer.  

· Be comfortable with discomfort. Like Jesus, learn to stay present in hard conversations rather than escaping with clichés, humor, or quick distractions.  

· Hold healthy boundaries. You can sit in the pit with someone without absorbing all their pain or becoming their sole rescuer; their story ultimately belongs to them and to God.  

· Take self-harm seriously. If a friend talks about hurting themselves or others, stay with them, acknowledge your limits, and help connect them with suicide hotlines, trusted family, and professional care.

Action Steps / Practical Applications

✅ Check in on one person this week. Text or call a friend you know is struggling and ask directly, “What do you need right now, and how can I sit with you in it?”

✅ Practice presence over fixing. When someone shares something heavy, pause before offering advice; reflect back what you heard and name their pain instead of trying to distract or “solve” it.  

✅ Name your limits and bring in help. If conversations move toward self-harm or deep despair, stay with them and also suggest calling a trusted hotline, counselor, or family member together so you’re not carrying it alone.  

✅ Pray and re-center the story on Jesus. In your own heart (and with your friend if they’re open), remember that this is God’s story; ask Jesus to guide your words and to hold what you cannot fix.  

✅ Don’t miss the joy. Even as you care for hurting friends, intentionally show up for worship and the celebrations that keep you rooted in the hope and joy of Christ’s coming.