Mentors, Discipleship, and the Life You Can’t Google

Life has a lot of questions you can’t Google—this episode explores why mentorship might be the missing piece.

Have you ever felt like everyone else has life figured out while you’re still Googling how adulthood works? Many young adults long for guidance but don’t know how to find a mentor—or even what mentorship should look like.

In this episode of the Light + Life Podcast, Tim and Liza explore the role of mentorship in the Christian life. They discuss why discipleship was always meant to happen through relationships—learning by walking alongside someone who is further along in faith and life. The conversation covers the awkwardness many people feel when approaching a mentor, the difference between friendship and mentorship, and how both mentors and mentees grow in the relationship. Along the way, they share practical ways to begin mentorship organically within church community and encourage listeners to prayerfully consider who they might learn from—and who they might invest in. 

Key Takeaways

• Mentorship reflects the model of Jesus, who invited people to “follow me” and learn by walking with him. 
• Some of the most important parts of life and faith are “un-googleable” and require guidance from others. 
• Healthy mentorship doesn’t require perfection—mentors share both victories and struggles.
• Many mentorship relationships begin informally through admiration, shared conversation, and simple invitations to coffee or lunch. 
• Mentorship is mutual: mentors often learn and grow just as much as mentees. 
• A helpful framework is identifying people ahead of you to learn from and people behind you to invest in. 

Action Steps / Practical Applications

✅ Pray for three mentors. Ask God to show you people whose lives reflect the kind of faith and character you hope to grow into.

✅ Start with a conversation. Invite someone you admire to coffee and ask how they’ve grown in a particular area of life.

✅ Suggest a shared rhythm. Consider reading a book, studying Scripture, or meeting monthly together.

✅ Show up ready to learn. Respect your mentor’s time and actively apply the wisdom they share.

✅ Look behind you too. Pray for three people you could encourage or walk alongside in their faith journey.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:04

Hi everyone, welcome back to the Light in Life podcast. I'm your host, Liza, here again with Pastor Tim.

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Hi Liza.

SPEAKER_03 0:10

Hi, how's it going?

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Pretty good.

SPEAKER_03 0:12

Isn't this little chair set up?

SPEAKER_00 0:15

Do you like it? Nice and cozy. You dig it.

SPEAKER_03 0:17

I do, but I can't get my back to see.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

In the right spot. I feel very relaxed. So I'm worried that I'm like gonna put everybody to sleep. Like, it's chill time. It's just sort of like, uh.

SPEAKER_03 0:29

I've gone and looked back at like some of the videos of us.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

Yeah. In the chairs?

SPEAKER_03 0:35

Yeah, and I realized my I'm like really self-conscious of my posture. So now everyone knows. Now everyone knows I'm insecure about it, and we're gonna move past it.

SPEAKER_00 0:43

All right. I'm gonna I'm gonna sit like this today. Hmm.

SPEAKER_03 0:46

Hmm. I feel like we should be holding our cups of coffee with our pinkies up a little bit. Um, today we're talking about mentorship and how to find and grow a relationship, a meaningful one with a mentor.

SPEAKER_00 1:01

Good. I'm excited for your thoughts because I'm awful at it.

SPEAKER_03 1:04

You are at mentorship? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:05

I'm can't wait for I can't wait for you to teach me how to do that.

SPEAKER_03 1:11

Well, I'm just thinking, you know, for our listeners, if you're someone that's in that season juggling school, work, relationships, and trying to follow Jesus all at once, it can feel like a lot, and it can feel like other people have this cheat code.

SPEAKER_01 1:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:29

Um, like they know how to handle conflict. And maybe this is all facade in the same way that like social media only shows the highlight reels of everyone else. Yeah. But from a comparison standpoint, it's like we're just Googling how to be an adult. You know, like how I'm Google if you looked at my Google search history, it'd be like alarming, and you would think, how does this girl work in the workforce?

SPEAKER_00 1:53

Like how to tie a shoe or well, I don't know. Like how to put gas in a car. How often do I change filters? Stuff like that.

SPEAKER_03 2:03

Where it's like, no one teaches you that stuff.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

No.

SPEAKER_03 2:05

But I think that's where mentoring can be.

SPEAKER_00 2:07

Don't you just wait until you get physically sick and then you change the air filter?

SPEAKER_03 2:11

Well, apparently.

SPEAKER_00 2:13

I one time my before the HVAC system shuts down.

SPEAKER_03 2:18

That's exactly what happened to me.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

And you get a really different thing.

SPEAKER_03 2:20

And I blamed all of my roommates. I blamed all of them. I texted them and I was like, cut it out. You guys keep leaving this garage door open in the winter and then the sit or in the summer, and then the AC overworks. Like my whole AC unit outside was just frozen over.

SPEAKER_00 2:35

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 2:36

Turns out it was in fact my fault, and that was a humbling experience. Yeah, I hadn't changed the air filter in like five months.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

Oh, there's no I don't change I change mine once a year.

SPEAKER_03 2:47

What?

SPEAKER_00 2:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:48

That's not right.

SPEAKER_00 2:49

Hot take.

SPEAKER_03 2:50

That's not right. You fix that, something's gonna happen to you. Something's gonna happen to you because it happened to me in a while. Um but yeah, I blamed everyone else. Anyway, that's where I think things like that. Right. Yes, of course, in Christianity, mentorship is important, but even just like someone to walk you through life or someone who's been there and is now out of there.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um the very beginning of of the Christian gospels, the Christian story, the ministry of Jesus, some of the very first words out of his mouth were follow me. And so it was come and see, follow me. These were these are the ways that he called his disciples forward. And so it wasn't just uh, I'm here to tell you certain information. It was I'm here so that you can learn how to walk this life. And learning how to walk this life is really um what we need. And and it's ungooglable. It is ungooglable.

SPEAKER_03 3:55

I think a lot of things are unclear.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

I've thought about I've thought about doing a sermon series called ungooglable, but I'm not sure it's a word. And I'm not sure it's a word I want to repeat like a thousand times for the sermon series.

SPEAKER_03 4:07

I feel like you would it'd be a little tongue twister.

SPEAKER_00 4:10

That's right.

SPEAKER_03 4:11

Um but do you just like walk up to someone and say, like, hey, want to mentor me?

SPEAKER_00 4:17

I don't often do that.

SPEAKER_03 4:20

You know, I remember during the fellows year, uh, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

And you're supposed to find your own.

SPEAKER_03 4:27

Yes, and it feels like which I think is good that you find your own, but it does feel like dating. I know we just talked about it.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

We've had we've had comments about like we there's an elder, you know, uh one of our elders, Kirk, he's like, I'm gonna make an app. It's a mentoring dating app.

SPEAKER_03 4:48

Honestly, it could do well.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

It could do well, I know.

SPEAKER_03 4:52

Be a bajillionaire.

SPEAKER_00 4:52

It could be the next uh, you know, um Facebook. Uh what U version Bible app.

SPEAKER_02 4:58

Yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_00 4:59

But um next Facebook, yeah. Look how well that went.

SPEAKER_02 5:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:03

And look how well all the dating apps have gone. But that just the idea of like um how do you match, it's like sometimes you feel like as a as a leader, you feel like you've got two extension cords and like they're just they're just not meeting. That's they're like two inches off of meeting, and you just can't get them to stretch. Like, I know you want to build into somebody, I know you want to be built into, and I just can't, you know, make the connection. And so so I think as a church, it's actually something that's is a priority for first press for our own church. Because some churches, I'll be honest, I don't I don't really know churches that have this all solved because it's so hard. But you what you can do as a church community is create platforms where those plugs have a chance to be made.

SPEAKER_02 5:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:49

And fellows is one of them.

SPEAKER_02 5:50

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 5:51

Like we want fellows to be a mascot ministry that people watch this happen and fellows, like, oh, well, that could also happen in family ministry. That could also happen at base camp, that could also happen in in college men. Um and so to sort of try to reiterate something that that does function, and but even so it's still hard for fellows.

SPEAKER_03 6:13

But well, it's just like, hey, so I liked getting to know you. Would you it's like okay, are we boyfriend, girlfriend now? Like it's that kind of thing with a mentor where you're like, so are you gonna disciple me on a regular basis? Like, are you okay with being my mentor? And it's awkward, but it's so fulfilling.

SPEAKER_02 6:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:37

And it's just like, how do you find what are the steps to finding a mentor without it being awkward? And like, what does healthy mentorship actually look like versus you know, this is this is someone I respect and I think has it together, and you know, um but you also want your mentor to be vent vulnerable back and not come off as this person who has it all together all the time.

SPEAKER_00 7:10

That's right. So it's like what's the balance there? Odds are you've either got someone who wants to be mentored and doesn't know how, or someone who's being asked to mentor and they don't know how.

SPEAKER_03 7:22

Right.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

And so hopefully one of the two of you has some frame in mind. Um, but it's it's likely that neither one of you has had training in discipleship, in personal one-on-one discipleship, and so you're both kind of um unless one of you has that, you know, you're shooting in the dark. Mm-hmm. Which can also be okay. But uh it's much better if somebody has some kind of sense of expectation. So I think there's different things. Like I I there's a season in my life um where I actually had um three men out ahead of me who were five, ten, and fifteen years older than me. Okay. And I feel like this was the sweet spot. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 8:04

So I had to write that down, write that down.

SPEAKER_00 8:07

Wow. I've got and I want to be, you know, more like this guy and that way, and I want to be more like this guy and that way, and more like this guy and that way. And then I did feel in that same season that there were one or two guys that were looking at me that way, and that I needed to build into them. And that felt like really rich. But I would say that that was a season that just that all happened, and um, and it wasn't something that has continued on, you know, in my life as a but but I think the way you get there, the first thing that that's that's gotta happen is is there's gotta be a lot of prayer, like a recognition, I want this in my life. You know, Paul said, imitate me as I imitate Christ. So this is part of discipleship. It's not just teach me as I learn, it's imitate me as I imitate Christ. I want to live my life in the way that you're living your life because you're living your way life in the way of Christ. And um so it's a it's it's more than a teach-teach relationship or a teach-learn relationship. It's a it's a live after relationship. Um so I think it begins with that understanding and then it and then prayer and just saying, Lord, look out ahead of me. Um is there someone who's five, ten, fifteen, uh, twenty years older than me that when I reach that stage, I want to be like them. And I think anybody that you but then it's gotta be prayer because it's it's like God's gotta provide that moment. You don't just want to run up in church and be like, yeah, will you mentor me?

SPEAKER_03 9:47

Yeah, because it's like if we don't have a relationship already, isn't that weird?

SPEAKER_00 9:51

Right.

SPEAKER_03 9:52

You know?

SPEAKER_00 9:53

But I think anyone that you come up, you know, in and I I do think you want to think about church because you're in a you're in a community of shared values, of shared belief, of shared commitment. You're gonna intersect a lot, you've got shared friends and relationships. So I do think that's an environment where you can come up to somebody and say, um, I've admired this in you. I mean, you gotta be bold, like, hey, I've admired this in you, and I would just love to have have coffee or grab lunch and just ask you about how you got that way, like how you or how you got to that part, that point in your life. Because I really admire that in you, and I'm trying to grow in that way. There's very few people who would be like, get out of here, you know?

SPEAKER_02 10:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:37

They might be real humble, you know, like, well, I didn't even know I was displaying that. Like, I actually feel like I'm terrible at that, but I'm happy to have coffee with you, and then you start to learn. But then you do that one or two times, and you might then take it to a level of, you know what, I would love to take this kind of to sort of set a deeper commitment in this relationship. Um could we over the next uh year uh read this book together or study the scripture together? And I think that's a way to get going on a mentorship relationship.

SPEAKER_03 11:13

That's really cool. And what's what would you say a healthy like cadence of meetup?

SPEAKER_00 11:19

I think it's really different. I mean, I know people that meet every week and uh have done it for I know one relationship I think they've met every week for about 15 years.

SPEAKER_03 11:31

That's really sweet.

SPEAKER_00 11:33

Yeah, and it's a good relationship. And um uh it has helped both of them immensely. Because it the net result is not just uh um I pour out, you take in. There's a learning together that in these in these mentorship relationships um that the mentor is learning a lot, even as the mentee is soaking up the wisdom of of where the mentor has been, what they've learned.

SPEAKER_03 12:01

Yeah. I think I have a lot of mentors that don't know that they're my mentors.

SPEAKER_00 12:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:07

So I'm starting to realize like I view them that way.

SPEAKER_00 12:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:12

But I've never like defined that as the relationship.

SPEAKER_00 12:15

And is that okay? Or if we're talking about mentorship, are we really talking about that only counts if we've signed the contract?

SPEAKER_03 12:24

I don't know. I don't know, that's why I'm asking. Okay. Like I There's just like multiple women that I could name right now that I probably see not because it's like we have to meet once a quarter, but we probably do meet w once a quarter and catch up and they hear about me and give me advice.

SPEAKER_00 12:49

Yeah. They're building into you.

SPEAKER_03 12:51

But they don't know I call them.

SPEAKER_00 12:53

Right.

SPEAKER_03 12:54

So Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:56

So I think there is a second level where you can say, Yeah, I've um I've been really blessed by the way you've built into me over these last years. They'll probably be surprised to hear that. But then it's you could take a second level and say, I actually would love to spend some some time with you in an intentional way if you're open to that. And um you know, talking about this particular part of our lives or or this book or this theme. And um and then I would say, I mean, I think that sort of thing, you kind of want to put a time limit on it. Like for the next year, we'd like to do that. And then what would be a good rhythm every for I think for most people it's every month or every two weeks. Um, for that sort of thing. It's my quarterly. Quarterly. But yeah, quarterly is like better than nothing. Better than nothing. But it's like friendship. What's the difference between friendship and and mentorship?

SPEAKER_03 13:53

I know. And I I struggle with that too, and because I value intergenerational friendships so much. But I think Yeah, that's just it, is I like value these people and I look up to them and I so I just call them a mentor.

SPEAKER_01 14:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:10

But that's probably I should probably be more clear in You could. But I also like the friendship.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

Right.

SPEAKER_03 14:20

I don't know. I who who is who is a safe ask? Um of course it's people that you already know, but for the person thinking I don't want to bother them, what would you say to them? Like what's a I know you said you could go up to someone and just be like, hey, I admire you and I like want to learn from you. But where should these people be looking if that's something that they're seeking?

SPEAKER_00 14:48

Yeah. I think part of it too has to do with um, are you looking for a professional mentor or a relationships mentor or uh Christian discipleship mentor? I mean, in pastoral life, um, it's critically important that you've got people out ahead of you that have seen the things that you're about to see or have gone through things that you're about to go through. And that you can uh kind of have them on your your contact list uh for when you see that, oh, I think I'm headed into a storm that I know that Mike has already been through. And so I'm gonna give Mike a call. And um and then what we talk about in in that relationship is if you're on the side of receiving, uh you need to be um respectful of time, you need to be thoughtful about responding to the feedback that you get. Yeah. Like if someone spends an hour with you and shares shares with you a lot of things, like you should do this, that, and the other thing, and then you don't do any of it, you know, but you're like, could we have lunch again? Because I didn't do anything that you said and I don't even remember it. Like, that's hard, right? Um but that's professional, really. Um Yeah. There's professional mentorship, there's but there's there's more personal mentorship. We're couples. Um like I've got this this marriage out in front of me, ten years out ahead of us, and and uh we as a couple want to spend time with this this couple that's ten years out ahead of us, and yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:24

That's sweet. I you bringing up like how a mentee should show up and like eager to learn, eager to be bored into, and to be receptive to feedback makes me laugh and think about this is vulnerability hour for a second.

SPEAKER_00 16:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 16:42

It I had a therapist who fired me. Have I ever told you this?

SPEAKER_00 16:47

No.

SPEAKER_03 16:49

I asked her if we could go less often because I was stressed out with work and finances and it was expensive, all the things, and she was like, I actually think we should stop.

SPEAKER_02 17:01

Uh huh.

SPEAKER_03 17:01

And I said, Why? She was like, because you're not willing to put in the work. Uh-huh. You're not doing anything. I needed to, it was the worst to hear.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:09

But I'm so thankful that she told me that.

SPEAKER_00 17:12

Um Is that the lingo? I got fired by my I got fired from therapy. I broke up my therapy.

SPEAKER_03 17:18

My therapist broke up with me.

SPEAKER_00 17:21

Or it is you. It's not me, it's you.

SPEAKER_03 17:24

Right. But it like it that is so important to show up and be there and be present. Like I was checking my email during the session and she was like, girl, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_01 17:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:36

Um So I just think good for her. I know. I Because it was good for you, right? It was really good for me. It was like the kick I needed to like wake up.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

Yeah. So if you're in that position of I'm I want to come to you and ask for your wisdom, yeah, you need to be humble and receptive and responsive and say, like, hey, I um, you know, the next time you're together, like, yeah, I read that book that you that you mentioned, and that'll lock it in.

SPEAKER_03 18:05

So what are the kind of books like to just start on both sides, if the mentee and the mentor are both like, this is new for me.

unknown 18:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:14

Where should where should they start?

SPEAKER_00 18:17

I mean, I think there's so like if it's if you're talking about a Christian discipleship mentorship relationship, yes, then you just really want to take a book about the Christian life, like John Ortberg's The Life You've Always Wanted, or um uh Dallas Willard Renovation of the Heart, or something that is really about a transformed life following after the pattern of Jesus. Um John Mark Comer practicing the way and say, Could we go through this chapter by chapter and experience it together? And um and you're you're um gonna learn that together. Only this person is ten years down the road ahead of you. And so they're learning it in a different way than you are, and you're learning from watching them.

SPEAKER_02 19:02

Right.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

But I think the the difficulty for the mentor is feeling like, well, now I have to be perfect, or the only way I'm gonna accept doing this is if I've got my whole act together and it's all polished, and so I can stand here and be like, be perfect like me, which is not at all the role of the mentor.

SPEAKER_02 19:22

Right.

SPEAKER_00 19:23

You know, so we stop doing it, we we fear it from both directions because um a mentee is thinking, um, how am I gonna approach this person and they're gonna dismiss me? And but someone who's a potential mentor is thinking, Well, why would you uh my life isn't perfect, I'm a mess. And um, and what you have to understand is that the people looking up to you, and there are always people looking up to you. You know, if you're 14 years old and you're walking with the Lord, there's a 12-year-old or a 10-year-old that's looking up to you, right? So people are always looking up to you, and we need to be willing to say, My life is open to you. And here's mistakes that I've made, here's struggles that I have, here's victories that I've seen in Jesus. Yeah. And that's really what's needed, right? It's not like show me some, you know, chiseled statue of the perfect Christian life. Um, show me your show me your fight. Yeah, show me your struggle. And now I'm so encouraged that I can take that fight on myself.

SPEAKER_03 20:28

I think that is the most beautiful thing about these intergenerational relationships that I've I have personally, because they're inviting you in to see the good, the bad, the ugly.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:42

And watching them navigate through those things gives me so much hope in that, like, okay, if if this is how they handle it, like I know that I can handle it that way too, like with grace and patience and kindness. And um like a big a big thing that one of my mentors I talked to her about um was just like financial stewardship and responsibility, and um leveraging the difference between like generosity and responsibility, because I have this weird internal dialogue where I feel like if I don't give everything that I have, then I am like a lousy person. And then I'm left scrambling.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 21:40

You know to cover responsibilities or like I'm like, here's all here's all that I have to like feel good in my soul that I, you know, deploy generosity.

SPEAKER_01 21:53

Uh huh.

SPEAKER_03 21:54

But then I'm like, oh my gosh, now I'm without. Uh huh. And now I'm stressed. Uh huh. And then I regret my generosity help. Like it's the most honest, raw conversation I could have because that's so embarrassing to say. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:12

So you laid all that out with a mentor.

SPEAKER_03 22:14

Mm-hmm. And seeing how she deals with those situations is like you know, choose choose friendship first, choose people first. Like God's got you. And that kind of heart posture is helpful because it can go from generous to greedy really quickly. So um for young adults who feel underqualified, what's a realistic way that they can someone like me can mentor someone that's younger than me because I obviously need mentorship. That's clear. But if I want to mentor someone without pretending like I have it all together, you know, what's what's a way to do that, to extend myself to someone?

SPEAKER_00 23:04

Yeah. I mean, I think a good exercise for this is to kind of get into your journal and um and pray and pray for three names of people that you admire that you wish you could grow more like, and pray for three names of people that you think you could influence positively, uh, that you think have got their possibly are looking at you as someone that's out ahead of them. Yeah. And write those names down, pray for them and watch for a door to open up. And then you're you're ready. Like you're ready for that moment uh when someone approaches you with a question and uh and you say, Well, let's let's go talk about that. In fact, let's take an hour to go talk about that. Let's walk around the park for an hour on Thursday morning. And then out of that, you know what? Um have you ever thought about making this sort of thing regular in your life? Uh, because I'd be willing to to spend this sort of time with you on a regular basis for the next year, uh, you know, and see where it goes. That's beautiful. That's I think that's a beautiful way to do it. Yeah. And um Yeah, I think for me, I mean I s I said at the beginning I'm terrible at it, and it's that's true. But a lot of that is that this is built into my my life as a pastor. So there's there's a um a ready expectation of the circle of people that I'm building into and and influencing. You know, our pastors and our elders and uh key leaders and staff members. So I'm I'm making time for those sorts of those build-in relationships with uh lunches and walks and and things like that one-on-one times. And um that's where it leaves me feeling like uh yeah, I don't do it in that way of like, Lord, who are those three people that maybe uh I need to pursue, or those three people that are maybe coming up behind me that need encouragement. And um and I think I need that too. I think we all do.

SPEAKER_03 25:17

Yeah, so I think that can be our closing challenge then is to just think of three people um that you're encouraged by and uh you admire.

SPEAKER_00 25:28

Pray three people.

SPEAKER_03 25:29

Pray three people, and then pray three people that um you might want to pour into on the other side.

SPEAKER_02 25:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:35

Um and send, you know, a message that opens the door. No pressure, no perfect script, just a genuine next step. So if this episode helped you, share it with a friend who's craving guidance um but doesn't know where to start. Thank you guys so much for listening. Um, we love you. Jesus loves you, and we'll see you next time.