Your energy speaks before you do. Confidence and energy talk with Sarah T.

In this episode, I sit down with my friend Sarah T., who works in real estate and has this almost magnetic quality about her: the kind of energy you notice the moment she walks into a room. I wanted to understand how she does it. What's behind that confidence? Is it something we are born with, or something we build?

We talk about how confidence shapes the way people perceive us, often before we've said a single word. We get into energy and frequency: what we put out into the world and how that influences what (and who) we attract back. And we talk honestly about how confidence is built over time, not handed to you, through choices, habits, and the way you carry yourself day after day.

If you've ever looked at someone and thought "I want whatever they have": this conversation is a good place to start.

Wherever you are and whatever you're doing… Happy listening!

..e per tutti gli Italiani all'ascolto: Ovunque voi siate e qualsiasi cosa voi stiate facendo...Mi raccomando spalle indietro e petto in fuori :)

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:14

ragazzi a un nuovo episodio di Italiana in Australia. Io sono Silvia e questo finalmente è un altro nuovo episodio standard. Per la prima volta in lungo tempo non sono in compagnia di Marco. Questa sera ho un ospite veramente speciale. È una ragazza che io ho conosciuto in palestra e si chiama Sara. Però, prima di iniziare tutto il discorso, bisogna un attimo iniziare a parlare in inglese perché ovviamente lei non è italiana. Quindi let's introduce Sara tonight. Hello, welcome. Ciao! Ciao! Buongiorno! No, buongiorno! Buonanotte! I'd say buonasera because it's that part of the night where it's too early to say buonanotte, but it's too late obviously to say buongiorno. So I'll take you later now. So, are you ready tonight to talk about what we are gonna talk about? I'm always ready. I know, and I know also that you would take for hours about this because for you, you are very close to this topic, and we spoke about it so so so many times. And I feel like you are the best person for it. You are the best person that can explain to us what actually that means, and if actually can help all our people listening, because I'm probably one of the persons that would probably need some help when it comes to this. Maybe a tiny, tiny bit, maybe a tiny bit. So, uh, without further ado, which is a new sentence that I've got so we are trying to progress. Um, tonight we are gonna talk about confidence. We're gonna talk about confidence and uh and energy, but before we are gonna deep dive into this topic, I would love Sarah to just explain a little bit about herself and what she thinks about it. Like, this is not a job interview because when they say oh, talk a bit about yourself, you'd be like, Oh yeah, I started my first job was so in 1987.

SPEAKER_00 2:11

No, please go ahead. Um I guess for everyone at home, um, my name is Sarah. Um, I'm a 39-year-old woman, and I probably wasn't always this confident. I know that you've known me, we've known each other for a bit now, and I know for you you've seen me as a very confident woman, but um for me, I think you know, I was I was quite shy, I was pretty introverted in my infant years, and I guess I grew into my confidence to a certain point. Um, that helped at school. I had a teacher at school that really saw me and believed in me. Um, and I was I was probably about eight years old, and I was offered my first modelling contract. So I don't know if you know this at all, but it's a company called Best and Less, which is basically a playing. Oh, you know that, okay, yeah, of course. So Best and Less was doing a um a modelling search, and a teacher of mine asked me to uh be in the catwalk. So back then you do it and you get a little $20 gift voucher essentially. But for modelling, yeah, yeah. So that was my foray into you know confidence and presentation and how you present yourself to the world. Um, and from there my confidence grew, and and I can continue that modelling throughout my adult life, um, so much so as recently. So um I ended up doing that in the curve world, so I was a plus-size model, uh, I did swimwear, I did bridal, uh, I did photo shoots, catwalks, that kind of thing. Um, and what I learned more than anything else is that beauty is more than skin deep, um, and more importantly, that confidence is the most beautiful uh attribute that someone can have. So that's really where I um I grew my confidence.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

Yeah, we would just say that confidence in something that you were born with it or in something that you would rather, let's use like a very bad word, quotation mark, train like every like any muscle, because I feel like I can be more confident, but at some point I I reach that level and I'm like, nah, I don't, I just don't feel myself. Okay, and it's sort of it sort of stops me. And what I admire about you is like that you just go like you don't care, you just don't give a shit. You just yeah, other fucking mentality, yeah, and that and that reflects the perception that people would have about you. And sometimes I see people that maybe they can they could appear more confident or they can have like a better spotlight, but they would they would put in the last row just because they are not confident enough and therefore the perception of other people and it's it's perceived in a different way, let's put it like that.

SPEAKER_00 5:00

I understand. Um confidence is to answer your first question, I guess you're some people are innately born with confidence, they come out of the womb confident, you know, they've got the extroverted personality, and people perceive that naturally as oh, they must be confident.

SPEAKER_01 5:18

Um do you think it's part due also to the way that these people were raised when they were a child in their family nest?

SPEAKER_00 5:28

Yeah, you think about it like as a child, you're in your developmental years, right? And so your environment shapes who you become as a person, and then there's the the argument around nature versus nurture. I think that people are naturally confident, but I think your environment will help propel you as to whether you become a more confident person once you get out into the world or whether you become a less confident person, if you will. If you've got, say, for example, like going back to my earlier um wording, you know, if you've got people that believe in you, like a teacher, a parent, someone, an adult that believes in you and really sort of encourages you to do better and really wills you to see the talent that's within, you naturally will try new things, you know, because you believe that you can do it. If you've got people around you that are saying to you, you know, Sil, um, no, you're silly, you can't do that, etc., then you're not going to have the confidence to go and you know learn and grow and be.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

Yeah. Yeah, I I sort of resonate with that because if I go back to when I was a child, obviously, nothing against my parents because I had the best childhood and everything, but when you sort of think back and you just reflect on the way that you've been raised, I was the child that always had to ask permission for everything. That everything that I wanted was not like for me, or it was hard to achieve, or I had to stay in my lane. Therefore, they always try to keep me in the safe lane, let's put it like that. So, and and if I think that because being confident, it's also like going out of your comfort zone and actually try and do things that would unsettle that balance and that and that safety in it. Yeah, and that's probably why that's where I would fail. That's where I fail. Because in doing things that I'm not, I don't feel safe, I would reach that point and I'd be like.

SPEAKER_00 7:15

So it's safety. So that's that's a really interesting, it's really interesting hearing you talk about it in that way. Because if you think about confidence, it's the um it's a certainty within oneself that you're competent in something.

SPEAKER_01 7:30

Yeah, see that if we are talking, for example, confidence about work, I can tell you that I'm the fucking best, and I'm even obviously I'm probably not because there are a three young people that are probably better than me. Sure. But it doesn't matter because you're confident in your competent because I know that I'm good and what I'm doing, therefore, I'm not doubting myself, and even though there are things that maybe I'm not able to do, it doesn't matter. I will learn that I would face it as a challenge and I would just jump into it.

SPEAKER_00 8:01

Yeah, you'll you'll learn, and that's how your confidence grew because I'm sure when you started your career many, many moons ago, you weren't as confident as you are now.

SPEAKER_01 8:09

No, probably not, but when it comes to personal relationships, that's where I would love to be the focus obviously of this session because we are not here to discuss about being confident at work. Maybe it can be another subject. Yeah, yeah, but not with a bottle of wine and a nice dinner in our belly, right? So if we are talking about confidence in our in relationship, which could be any any sort of relationship, like romantic relationship, friendship, even work relationship, I just find it hard because those are the times in which I would question myself. And I'm always trying to see if there is a better way to be more confident, or I'm reading a lot of books to see if there is a framework that I can apply for in a way that I can be more confident and see if there are any underlying patterns that define my confidence level and maybe somehow a way to make it make it better. So, based on this, do you think that there is actually a framework or some steps, like little steps that people can have can utilize to sort of feel more confident or grow this confidence that sits within them?

SPEAKER_00 9:23

Yeah, it's a great question. I think a lot of people have a misconception as to what confidence is. So a lot of people think confidence is, for example, a smaller body or nice clothes or a new haircut and all those things uh come into play because when we look good, we feel good, right? Um, and that that goes into the uh the line of thought of feelings. So why are we not as confident in relationships? It's because we feel a certain way. We might feel rejection, for example. So if, for example, um we look at confidence, it is literally the opposite of rejection. It's literally right, okay. Yeah. So if you're talking about relationships, for example, you're saying, how can I be more confident in relationships? It's about accepting rejection. The more, the more you put, let's say, for example, a single person. We're both single, we can say that to the camera. Can we say that to the audience? Hi, and we're single. We've got also the audience behind the cameras as well, anyway. We're not putting our personal details on us. Don't contact us. You can find us on Instagram anyway. This is literally for the context of what we're talking about. Um, but if we're looking at um our single dome, if you will, you go out into the world, and to become unsingle, if that's what you want to do, you need to date, right? So, how do you become confident in the dating world?

SPEAKER_01 10:45

Yeah, but it's like every sort of thing that you need to get better at it, you gotta do it more and more and more. Correct. In a way, yeah, in a way to sort of feel uh lose that inhibition. What's the word?

SPEAKER_00 10:57

Yeah, it is, it's an inhibition. It's it's literally confidence is showing courage and vulnerability, and it is literally growing the muscle of rejection.

SPEAKER_01 11:05

Yes, but rejection would tap into that part of your brain where you sort of question yourself, and you're gonna you you're going to question your self-worth. Because if I've been rejected, it can be not a reflection of me, but it can be for whatever reason. But I would put it on myself and be like, okay, I got rejected because I'm not pretty enough, I don't have a good enough job, I don't have I'm not wearing good enough clothes, I look old, I don't know for whatever reason, and then it's gonna be on me, and that would kill even more my confidence.

SPEAKER_00 11:42

Yes, and that's to do about that's to do with inner confidence. So we're talking about confidence, right? And we were just talking about the fact that you know when you're wearing nice clothes and whatnot, you feel good. That's confidence, that's one element of confidence. There's inner confidence. So, for example, and everyone has these thoughts, like honestly, still, I can tell you for sure I've had those thoughts in my life where I'm like, I'm too old, I'm too this, I'm too that, da-da-da. Um, but very, very quickly, because of the inner confidence that I have in myself, I know hang on a minute, I pull it back towards who am I at my core, who am I being, what is my worth, what do I bring to the table? And I don't mean the monetary things, you know, a lot of people say, Well, what do you bring to the table? And we start thinking about, well, I've got a good job, I've got money, I've got this, I've got that. No, who are you at your core, and what what value do you bring as a person? So if you can tie everything back to who am I as a person and what is my value, that's actually where your confidence is. So confidence isn't the loudest person in the room, it's actually the quiet inner confidence in yourself.

SPEAKER_01 12:41

But I feel like it's sort of always intertwined to whatever is the outside part of the confidence. Because um, if we are talking about relationship, but this is something that we are gonna talk about it in another session, so I don't want to go too deep into it. Yeah, but at the same time, it's confidence within your values, the person that you are, what defines yourself, because at the end of the day, that's why you wake up every day in doing what you're doing, that's what gives you confidence, yeah, and this place in the world, let's put it like this. But at the same time, you are you not you, but you as you as an individual, you're constantly judged and perceived every single day on how you look on the outside, therefore, if your confidence level from of the outside is not at top levels, you are perceived in a different way, you're right, and people wouldn't even get to the point that they would get to know the your inside confidence, and you would be eliminated even before.

SPEAKER_00 13:46

You're right, people will visually see you before they get to know you. You're right, and I think that's that's true, uh, that's been true to time, you know, throughout time, and I don't think that's gonna change anytime soon. So, in terms of confidence, I know for me, I'm very aware. I am very aware of how I present myself to the world. Um, you know, whenever I walk into a room, I'm always, you know, I'm presented right, my postures right, I've got a quiet confidence to me, I don't rush into a room. Um, all these things, it's the eye contact, all these little things uh signal to another human confidence. It's very different, you know. You see we could be sitting here, someone can walk into a room right now, and they're rushing in and they're fluttering and they're fiddling with themselves and whatnot, and immediately like they're a little bit you know, off.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

And what what would you perceive? The famous energy that they would give you that it's different. Well, what makes you think like what is that extend on the confidence book says something, but I don't know. It says Chapter 4 Choose how you spend your time in relation to confidence? No, I mean in this case, if someone you said enters enters in a room and they're rushing that whatever they do, whatever they need to do, and you're like, Yeah, what is that thing that makes you think that these people don't have the actual confidence?

SPEAKER_00 15:18

Because they may have, but they may let yeah, they may, but they're not presenting it to the world that way. So generally, someone who's flustered, they come in, they're talking really, really fast, and they're you know, there's just this rushness to them and the chaoticness to them. It doesn't, it doesn't give you an overall arching. Hey, they're a confident person. If someone walks in quite sure of themselves, a really confident energy, so they come in quiet, gentle, strong presence. They don't have to say much, but you know immediately because the energy in the room shifts.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

So you you you said a few times in the last few minutes energy. What is it? Energy for you, like how how would you define it? I love that topic.

SPEAKER_00 16:02

This is like one philosophical question. Yeah, we need to ask a Greek god, I think. Yeah, back in the 1800s, maybe Socrates. Can we call Socrates? Where's my phone? Do you have his phone number? I'm sure if I asked for it, I'll get it. That's confidence, right? If I saw Socrates in a nightclub, he would offer you a drink, most likely. I don't know what they were drinking back in Greek. Uh what did they drink?

SPEAKER_01 16:27

Just the red wine, Diony. They had Dionis. They had Dioniso. No, Dioniso was Roman or Greek uh god, Greek, Greek, yes, see, uh drinking. Yeah, no, I wouldn't did they drink back then? Of course they did. God, they were so bad. Then italians, hey. Oh, is that true? Yes, okay, there you go.

SPEAKER_00 16:46

Now I'm just digging about Socrates.

SPEAKER_01 16:48

Have you watched the TV show Cows? No, it's with uh Jeff Goldboom, and he's that show is so good. Uh, they did one season, I think, and then they just cut it off because it was a bit too prof profano. How would you say profano in English? Um, blasphemy? Yeah. Oh, yeah. It was basically it was a satiric version of Greek gods in a temporary society that they were doing all the wrong things. Okay, but it was so good. And about these people that was alive and had to go back to the dad's world to bring back to life someone else. Really? It was so I'm gonna watch it now.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

Is it still on or they've canceled it?

SPEAKER_01 17:31

Um, no, no, season one should be on. But anyway, back to the Dionyso and the glass of wine and the energy levels.

SPEAKER_00 17:38

Well, Jeff Goldblum, you think about energy, right? Yes, Jeff Goldblum. It's quite good. What a phenomenon what a phenomenal human. But he why is he hot? Because you look at him, he's not your traditional hot.

SPEAKER_01 17:49

Well no, he's hot because it's not because he's actually good looking. I mean, well, he's he's good looking, he's good looking. But yes, I was saying that he's what very well presented, the way that he keeps his chin up, the way that he articulates, the way that he talks.

SPEAKER_00 18:08

And yeah, that's a confident person, yeah, yeah, potentially, yeah. Every interview I've seen of him, like every interview I've seen, he's just he's present and he's so assured of himself, his energy is safe as well. So energy and confidence are hand in hand. So it's an confidence isn't energy, confidence isn't a doing thing. You can change things about you, right? You can you know straighten your shoulders, you can walk with a certain uh tone and more and what have you. You can't fake your energy. Confident energy will win every single time.

SPEAKER_01 18:39

How how do you think energy would affect people in day-to-day life? I would say day-to-day operation, but I thought it's like an email voice of Chat GPT, day-to-day life.

SPEAKER_00 18:53

In day-to-day operation, yeah. Um, yeah, energy affects absolutely everything we do. Absolutely everything we do. And I'm a firm believer in that. I'm you know, I'm not deep in the energetic swell, but I've delved into it enough, I've read enough about it, and I've practiced enough on myself to really understand how energy can shift the room. So, you know, you wake up in the morning and you feel a particular energy, and it's not the same every single day, but that you wake up. Why is that?

SPEAKER_01 19:23

I mean, they said that the moon sort of affects the way that we feel the moon and everything, but also and then it brings back to about another piece of another topic, which is gratitude. So I've read in many of my books that if the night before you would focus, you focus on the things that went well throughout the day that you had, yeah, it would sort of set and reset for the day that is coming. So, in the way that if I think, okay, maybe I had a shooty day, let's say, yeah, but I'm focusing just before to go to bed about how happy I am with my dog and whatever about the shoes that I bought, I don't know. Anything that made me happy on that day, automatically it seems that the day after, the day would start with the tail of that type of energy. Whereas if I'm going to bed and I'm drained because I had a shitty day, maybe I had a fight with my family, or whatever, or for whatever reason, I would bring that to the next day, and therefore you would wake up and you're like pharaoh, this is a shitty day already, and then everything goes off on that day, correct? One after the other, you would have a series of events that one after the other, something's wrong.

SPEAKER_00 20:41

Yeah, very much. You're right. What you focus on, you put out into the world. So, you know, in 24 hours a lot happens in our worlds, right? Good things, uh bad things, and things that are sort of neutral, if you will. What you focus on at the end of the day, that's what that's the signal that you're sending to your brain to focus on, right? So if you're focusing on all those good things, and you know that's a common practice where people look at gratitude and they pick three things for that day and they go, Okay, well, I'm really grateful for my dog. I know if you buying pairs of shoes makes you very, very happy. So you can list that as two and three. Shows that happiness. I don't know if people listening to me would understand that. I'm not saying high heels make me very, very happy. So, you know, that's usually number one for me, to be fair. We all have our worlds, we all have our own, you know, gratitude items, but um, you know, the thing is energy is a it's a magnetic field, you're emitting energy. You and I sitting here right now, we're emitting energy whether we like it or not, right? So we choose what energetic field we want to be in at any one given time, and based on the vibrations that we're putting out into the world, because they are vibrations, you know, when someone says to Yeah, good vibes, good times, good vibes, what they mean is good vibrations or higher vibrations.

SPEAKER_01 21:55

Do you think that people that will get along that sort of on the Same frequencies and they would resonate on the same level.

SPEAKER_00 22:05

Yeah. Same frequencies are rare and they're amazing, especially when you're vibrating at a higher frequency. So you've got your neutral frequency, which is our sort of um you're not ridiculously happy, you're not ridiculously sad, and then you've got different depths of frequencies that go down, and that would be maybe you're disappointed by a work email, um, you might be a little bit sad about something that day, then you've got stages of anger, depression, grief, so on and so forth, and then almost suicidal, if you will, which is you're the your depth. That's the classic spiral correct, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then of course you've got the opposite. So when you've got your neutral and you go up, and then you've got things like um, I mean, love. Peace is actually higher, it's a higher frequency than love. Peace. Yeah. Would you believe that?

SPEAKER_01 22:52

I don't know. I feel like it's still a different form of love, but it's more of a universal, intangible thing. Whereas love it's something that you would experience personally rather than actually no, sorry, that's wrong. Peace, I feel like it's more of a state of mind. Whereas love, it's the way that you feel about something. Because sometimes I sit here and I'm like, I'm at peace in a way that I feel complete in the person that I am at that specific point in time, and I don't have any major problems, I don't have any major issues. Yeah, okay, maybe little fights, but whatever, it's not the thing. But I'm like, I'm at peace, and that state of mind, I feel like it's it's hard to define and it's hard to actually understand where where when you are in that state of mind. Whereas love, it always involves another person and then yourself. Like actually yourself and another person.

SPEAKER_00 23:55

Yeah, it's always yourself, it's always yourself first, is what I should say. Yeah. So when you're operating at those frequencies and you go out into the world, you're a magnet. We're all magnets. You the world has no choice but to send that back to you. So that's why energetics are so important, especially in terms of confidence. And I know we're going to talk about another topic in terms of dating another time. Yeah. Um, but that's why your energy is so important. Do you ever find when you're in a higher frequency or a higher state of frequency, um, you know, let's say you've done your gratitude that day and you've had a great gym session, you've had a great day at work, and you're just happy. You're just content, you're happy, you know you're at higher frequency. You find that good things happen to you after that. Oh, yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_01 24:36

Like it's like a sequence of good things, yeah, not necessarily like major events that you're like, oh, I won the lottery, or it's not that obvious. Or I found a bracelet on the street. Um that's not me. Um, it's more like little things that that would keep going and just make my day better. Yeah, like that everything goes on plan, everything goes as expected.

SPEAKER_00 25:05

Everything runs on time and you know nothing has gone wrong with such. And yeah, it's because of what you're putting out, it's literally magnifying that back to you, and that's why it's so important to maintain that high level.

SPEAKER_01 25:16

One one thing that I wanted you to explain before while we were doing the briefing for this episode. Uh, you were talking about some stats, and I wanted you to just to tell our audience about some books because they were quite intriguing.

SPEAKER_00 25:27

The statistics, yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_01 25:28

Because we need our research grounded somewhere, right?

SPEAKER_00 25:31

Well, somewhere, not on the back of a napkin. Um that would work. We got a napkin, we could do that. No, I've thrown them all away. Um, we were talking about the particular stats we were talking about, if I remember correctly, was about um 93% of our communication is non-verbal.

SPEAKER_01 25:48

So that would it would imply that it's a mix of of obviously energy, confidence, what else?

SPEAKER_00 25:56

Particular energy, body language. Oh, body language, those are the two things. Yeah, people will admit that the human brain is really, really receptive and it's exceptionally smart. We are smarter than we give ourselves recognition for, truly. It's like when you and I met for the first time, right? How fun! Not you haven't, but you should because well the way I usually say it, I don't know if this is for public consumption, but the way I usually say it is that I noticed this uh tall, leggy, hot blonde girl in the gym. And I noticed you there for quite some time, didn't I? For months and months and probably months. Yeah, you know what it's like at the gym. You you you've got a gym family that you don't even know your first name. And you don't talk to anyone.

SPEAKER_01 26:38

I mean, no, you do, but I don't.

SPEAKER_00 26:39

Well, I talk to everybody, no, yeah. But you're actually pretty you're selectively social, where I'm overly social.

SPEAKER_01 26:46

But I said that to my close members that I'm highly selective on the people that I talk to. I feel honoured.

SPEAKER_00 26:52

I feel honoured to be in your energy orfit.

SPEAKER_01 26:54

Like, I feel like we can put it on one hand, that's it. Yeah, but maybe one and a half. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Anyway, back to the story, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:01

So I remember having met you and your energy at the time. I was like, not sure about this woman. You can't you get you haven't given good advertisement, I'm telling you, like they did not put it much, but um, I had to I had to use some equipment you were using, or something like that. It was the the bundle section, yeah. Yeah, that's right. We're at that section. I must have been pulling away. I'm sure I needed to pull away. Yeah, you have to do so. Yeah, and I sort of had to sort of like they were right at your feet, and I was mindful that I was in your space, you know. Like there's some people you can sort of sneak in and out, and then other people you're like you're really in their space. You need to ask permission, you do, right?

SPEAKER_01 27:43

It's respectful to allow to be allowed to get into my space.

SPEAKER_00 27:46

Yeah, exactly. And like there's gym etiquette, so I remember saying hi to you and asking you if I you know if you're using that that weight, and I think that one question led to a 45-minute. Yeah, we we chatted for a while then too long. I think we both went home and just abandoned our leg sessions after that, didn't we?

SPEAKER_01 28:05

Yeah, I did like tempenas, and then I gave up.

SPEAKER_00 28:08

But to the point is that I judged you based on the energy you were giving at any one in time without having known you. But the moment I was actually in your energy space, I really liked you.

SPEAKER_01 28:20

Yeah, and that's different, and that's different because that's probably the second step when you talk about when you before you were talking about the inside confidence, yes, which is different. Like, I feel like to me, I'm not very confident when I have to meet someone new, okay, but at the moment that I feel comfy in my space, then I'm highly confident, and therefore I can scare people. I would go to that level in a way that confidence it's almost borderline arrogance. Sometimes it's perceived in that way.

SPEAKER_00 28:54

Ah, because you feel so safe with someone, then you sort of let yourself be really authentically good.

SPEAKER_01 28:58

Yeah, but then people would translate that of oh, she's rude or she's arrogant, she's way too blunt, or whatever you name it, it's there in the list.

SPEAKER_00 29:10

So I laugh not because I think that of you, I laugh because throughout my 39 years of living, um, I've been told my whole life I'm too much, I'm too this, I'm too that, I'm too this, I'm too that. That goes back to confidence. If you care what people think about you so much, you'll be honestly, I would be in tears. I'd be in tears every day of every day of the week. I have confidence knowing I'm a good person. I try and go into the world and do the best of my intentions. So that's the inner confidence that we're talking about. When you have that, you anchor yourself back to who you know you are at your call, and that's where the confidence comes from. Make sense.

SPEAKER_01 29:48

No, it does. It does. It's just I just feel like sometimes it's a bit hard, hard to apply, like in a way. Uh, before again, when we were doing the briefing, you were talking about responsibility that we do have for our own self, yeah, in terms of that. Um, would you mind just unpack this a little bit?

SPEAKER_00 30:08

Yeah. Responsibility, goodness. It was so easy when we were kids, wasn't it? Yeah, it was, but you know what?

SPEAKER_01 30:15

Because as you said, we were not worried about the judgment of other people, we were doing just whatever we wanted to, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:22

But as children, I think in a way we were probably more confident because we didn't have the fear as much as well. Now we don't.

SPEAKER_01 30:28

No, we didn't, and now I feel like we are more self-aware, obviously, on how people would think or how people what people would say, and and when it comes again in relationships, it would even make it harder because yes, fear of rejection, the way that the other person is perceived, and there is also that thing like should I risk it, should I not risk it? Because if you don't, after you would always linger on that thought, like, what would it, what would have happened if I would have gone down to that path.

SPEAKER_00 31:04

Yeah, I understand. There's two things. So, first, first and foremost, what you're talking about is you know, it's the coulda shoulda wulda, right? That comes down to confidence and fear of rejection. Um, there's a thing that a lot of people have, which is rejection sensitivity disorder, or known as RSD. So, RSD is where people are highly sensitive to rejection. I think I have that. Yeah, I think I have none of it.

SPEAKER_01 31:30

Maybe, maybe there's like a balance and give me some of your Ubuntu.

SPEAKER_00 31:36

Um, no, I had it in spades, I had it in spades when I was younger, and you know, uh, when you learn to accept that you will have rejection in every aspect of life. Um, of course, you won't have rejection for everything, but you'll have it in every aspect. Um, it literally just becomes a numbers game. But you if you know who again, we bring it back to you know who you are at your call, you can handle that rejection very easily. Um, the other thing you asked was around the responsibility about maintaining energy. Yeah. We unfortunately we're not kids anymore, we're adults, so we have a responsibility, right? We have a responsibility to the people around us, is what I believe. We can't go around, we know we've got bad energy, we're self-aware when we wake up in the morning and we're in a bad mood for whatever reason. You can't then go out into the world to your workplace or to your family's place, your friends, or whatever, um, your local shops. You know, no one deserves your bad energy. It's our responsibility to be aware of the energy that we're um emitting out into the world, and it's our responsibility to shift it as well. I'm really mindful of that. You know, I I used to lead teams in in the real estate world and whatnot, and I'd like I'd get a bad email, I'd have a bad client. I shouldn't say bad client because that's not true, it may be a challenging situation. Um, and I'd get off the phone or I'd get off that email and I'd think you know, I could kill someone. But then I've got a responsibility to the people around me. I've still got people in my team or in the room with me, so very quickly I had to shift that energy. How would I do that? Is I would be aware of it and I'd think of the things that can quickly shift me from let's say a zero, because at that point I'd be a zero. How do I get back to a 10? In terms of energetic matter, right? 10 being the most highest energy I can get to, of course. Now I'm not going to run around, you know, a new romance in the next five minutes to get me into that at all. Um, but I wouldn't I would understand what my um what my dopamine receptors are. So it might be going for a quick five-minute walk, it might be calling a loved one, it might be going for a coffee that you know, it might be sitting in the sunshine for five minutes, anything I would do to shift that energy really quickly.

SPEAKER_01 33:39

If if you would have to give some other advices to our people that are listening to us that they want to feel more confident, because I wanted to talk about the dating episode, but I know we have it scheduled for an old time, so I I wouldn't I wouldn't tap into confidence and energy on how they would translate into modern dating, like somebody like this.

SPEAKER_00 34:03

That's a whole episode.

SPEAKER_01 34:04

It's a whole episode in two probably of two hours. Um, but yes, if you have before we we just wrap the this episode, um, any suggestion or any sort of things uh that we could do to just feel more confident.

SPEAKER_00 34:23

Look, it's a great question, it's an open question. I think for me, I would focus less on the aesthetics. So, yes, I know that everyone says focus on you know um looking good in the best clothes and whatnot, that helps, but it's really about your energy, like we're anchoring, we're anchoring your confidence back to your energy. Daily movement, really important. Daily movement itself just um adds to your dopamine level. Um, I would be doing that. I would practice, I would practice rejection sensitivity. You know, I'm notorious for talking to I'd chat to anyone, right? I could chat to the pot plant, as you know. I think they would listen to you. Um I am notorious for giving compliments to strangers, notorious for it. So I would be walking down the street and I'd see anyone, man, woman, different ages, whatnot. That's a lovely coat. Oh wow, you've got a great smile, and it's literally it's sometimes they respond, sometimes they don't, but they absolutely hear the compliment either which way. So it's a way of training yourself to be able to put yourself in situations where you may be rejected, and it's like yeah, but you're not trying to prove a point for you like giving a compliment to someone that has a good cause, yeah, but it adds to your confidence, it's the confidence of talking to people. That's what it means.

SPEAKER_01 35:40

Yep, you you're but yeah, sorry, but I feel like I'm missing a point because you are giving a compliment to some to a stranger, yeah, but whatever this person is gonna say is not gonna affect you personally, no, because they would never offend you because you're giving them a compliment, but it adds to your confidence, it's all it's all about putting yourself in vulnerable situations.

SPEAKER_00 36:03

Okay, they're not gonna tell you to get lost, right? But it's all about putting yourself into situations that are going to grow your confidence. If you're someone who's not a confident person at all, like we're not talking about me or you right now, we're talking about someone who's really not a confident person and potentially they live their life very introverted. That's a big thing for them to do. It's a huge thing for them to do. It's natural for me, it might be natural for you, but it's but that would translate into, like we said, we're gonna talk about dating at another time. Yes, that's yeah, but that then translates into someone being at a bar asking a woman or a man, hey, I think you're pretty, or can I buy you a drink? Or yes, and you know, it translates into that, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:41

And this would prompt me for another question about dating, but I would uh let's say for another time, yes. So um, I'm gonna retouch one last thing before we close. Um, you talked about posture and movement. So um, would you say you said it before, but I just want yeah to re-highlight that again. You you said that a person that has slowest movement and better posture would actually raise energy levels, therefore, confidence. Why do you think a slower movement would increase energy levels, therefore, confidence? Or this person would perceive with more confidence if the movements are slow.

SPEAKER_00 37:27

Yeah, it's about it's about people perceiving them. It's a it's a lens of perspective. When someone moves in a very rushed, hurried, for example, they're hunched over, they're on their phone, and we've all seen it, right? You hang around a train station long enough and you're seeing everyone rushing through in a big hurry and whatnot. There is there's a chaoticness to people, there's not a comfort, they might be competent in what they do, but they're not exuding confidence. You see someone walk through and they're just arch back, postured well, gently moving through already, and you see the way I've just changed my movement.

SPEAKER_01 38:00

So you would be different, you would look at the grace of the movement, yes, and that's what get would get the attention of the person around that specific individual.

SPEAKER_00 38:10

You see the same as you know, if you're buying a car, you go into a car yard and you get greeted by a car salesperson, you know, you've got the guy that comes through and he's adjusting his spell and how you going, and you know, it's a bit oily and greasy, and he's lost his keys, and it's just like I'm about to buy a $40,000 car and this is what I'm greeted with, versus the person that says it's really nice to meet you, this is my name, what's yours, and they're just they're different, they're presented well, they're put together well. It's a subconscious thing for a human, but it tells you that they're a confident person, and therefore you equate that with competency.

SPEAKER_01 38:45

Yeah, I I really like this um this part of the movements and uh the fact that it needs to be slow because I've seen people that they're actually practicing that and they would stand out from the crowd, which is something that that that is real, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:04

It's also you know, um in sales training, so when we do sales training and things like property, and and I've done them, I've done I've done uh interviews, if you will, where I'm doing a proposal or a presentation to a client. I could be in a lounge with someone and I'm talking like really quick because I'm trying to get through it all da da da da da, and in the end it's like I feel like I run a marathon, but it's signifying to the other person, and I'm not, but it's signifying to the person anxiety, potentially unpreparedness, a bit of desperation. It's none of that, but that's what signifies to the other person. The moment I just slow down and I pause, it's the confidence to pause, sit in the silence, sit in the awkwardness of it all, it tells you that that person is confident enough.

SPEAKER_01 39:52

It's just it's subconscious because you find confidence would come out from the pause. Whereas sometimes we feel that if you pause, it's perceived as a lack of knowledge.

SPEAKER_00 40:06

Pausing is powerful because the person can see the person that fills the space because it feels awkward is the person that's not confident. The person that can sit in the pause is actually the most confident person in the room. Well, on this note, on the pause, are we pausing? I should pause more. You're welcome for the segue.

SPEAKER_01 40:29

Thank you, space, and time to our readers the listeners. Um this was great, thank you. Thank you for having me. I really love that, and I feel like I've got heaps of takeaways to take home and great practicing. Let's say from tomorrow, we start in my little safe space.

SPEAKER_00 40:49

Um, I'm gonna say you're walking around if it's right back. No, yeah, moves outside. You will give me a comment the next time you see me.

SPEAKER_01 40:59

I can give that to you. That's easy. I need to give it to someone that I don't know, that would be a problem. That's true. Um, okay, guys. So if you have any questions for Sarah, please email at italiani.depodcast at gmail.com. Otherwise, follow us on Instagram. There's gonna be heaps of reels and uh highlights of these episodes. And I think we are gonna pause this now, and we are gonna wait for next time when I'm so keen because we are gonna talk about confidence in dating.

SPEAKER_00 41:34

Yeah, with also another guest. Yes, we have the most beautiful guest, Stefano, a good friend Stefano from the gym. From the gym, from the gym, a little power body.

SPEAKER_01 41:45

Okay, so until now, yes, until then, sorry, not until now. I understand. Thank you again for being here, and um, I'll see you at the gym, I think, tomorrow.

SPEAKER_00 41:57

Are you are you putting this in your calendar?

SPEAKER_01 41:59

No, I'm just saying I'll I'll see you tomorrow. And um,