EP2: Relationship Beyond Normal

In this Episode Rachael is joined by her husband Troy Aldanmaz and together they explore how to create relationships “beyond normal” using Access Consciousness tools, focusing on peace, gratitude, allowance, and co-creation rather than judgment, control, or separation.

💡 Key Insights and Lessons

1. Foundations of Their Relationship

• Built on ease, peace, honor, and gratitude.
• Rachel shifted from perfectionism and self-judgment to allowance and vulnerability.
• Troy learned not to expect separation after mistakes but instead to embrace conversations, humor, and “choice creates” (choosing every 10 seconds what kind of life and energy to create).

2. Practical Tools from Access Consciousness they use on their relationship

• Choice Creates: Every choice adds energy to your life; mistakes become opportunities.
• Five Elements of Intimacy:
  • Honour (respect without judgment)
  • Allowance (accepting differences)
  • Gratitude (ongoing appreciation)
  • Trust (believing in each other’s intent to make things greater)
  • Vulnerability (lowering barriers, receiving, not needing to control.

3. Co-Creation in Business & Life

• Their joint mission: expand consciousness globally.
• Business is not just work but “generating and creating.”
• Their relationship is sustained not just by each other but also by welcoming contributions from others and surrounding themselves with uplifting energies.
• They emphasize that no single partner should be the source of all energies in a relationship.

4. Handling Challenges

• Use humor and curiosity (“What’s funny about this that I’m not seeing?”).
• Space and independence are crucial—time apart strengthens the bond.
• Contribution from each other and from external energies makes life lighter, more joyful, and more creative.

5. Advice for Listeners

• Start with your relationship with yourself—clarity on what you value and desire.
• Don’t rely on a partner to fulfill all needs.
• Continuously ask: Does this relationship work for me today?
• Choose gratitude and presence daily instead of assuming permanence.

🌟 Essential Takeaways

• Relationships flourish through conscious choice, allowance, and gratitude, not through control, judgment, or perfection.
• Creating a sustainable relationship requires space, external contributions, and co-creation beyond the couple.
• The longest and most important relationship is the one you have with yourself—this sets the foundation for every other relationship.

Want to know more about Rachael you can visit her social media and website:

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Transcript

Rachael: 0:00

What is it that you would like to have as your life? What would you like to create? What would you like to choose? Welcome to Discovering the Miracle of You podcast. I am your host Rachel O'Brien and I invite you to know that you can change anything in your life that is not working for you and you can create anything you desire.

Rachael: 0:26

Hello everyone and welcome to my second podcast and today I am your host Rachael O 'Brien and today I am joined by my husband Troy Aldanmaz, welcome.

Troy: 0:41

Hello everybody.

Rachael: 0:44

And we are going to talk about something that I facilitated it's called Relationship Done Different classes and we have what you call a relationship beyond normal and we're going to talk to you guys today about some of our previous experiences in relationship and then the demand to have something greater. Yeah.

Troy: 1:12

Yeah, yeah. And like when we are talking about previous relationships like the relationships that I have observed which was my mom and my dad's relationship which was not a super happy one. There was a lot of conflict. There was a lot of fight and there was not a lot of peace and the relationships that I personally have experienced funny enough I think actually I just had like one relationship before you and because my personal point of view was I don't want to get into a relationship because I had a point of view if I go into relationship that means I have to marry that person and what if I end up like my dad and mom so we don't want that one. So I avoided relationships as much as possible.

Rachael: 2:15

And so if you're out there and you're avoiding relationships as much as possible and my point of view is I'm fucked up in regard to relationship. There's something radically wrong with me in relationship. This podcast might give you a very different perspective on what you require for a relationship to work for you. So for me I'm much older than Troy and I'm actually 26. Is it 26 years older than you?

Troy: 2:47

Yeah.

Rachael: 2:48

And so initially we had started working together and how we met was I had seen a Facebook live that Troy had done and he was talking about one of my favourite books in the world Being You, Change in the World and I had this like ping you might call it to reach out to him and say hey do you want to work with me? I am a facilitator of Access Consciousness and I have a global business and I was looking to build a business and build my impact in the world, you know the impact that I could have on the world. And I asked Troy would you like to promote my workshops to which you responded.

Troy: 3:29

What is promotion? I generally had no information about what that was but I was absolutely thrilled that Rachael contacted me and wanted to work with me and there was a sense of lightness and there was a sense of possibility that I knew matched with the energy of the future that I was looking to create and then we started to work together and I would say like over time we had very good friendship and we would talk with each other a lot and like for me like every time that we come on a phone like there would be a sense of relaxation with my body that I seemed to like I was not able to get into that energy like there was a lot of like where I grew up with there was a lot of compression, there was a lot of stress there was a lot of worry and like there was a lot of energies that was looking to put me into my head and there was not much a lot of energy around me that was actually connecting me with my body and like having that sense like for me was very very valuable and I was like okay like whatever it takes I'm actually going to like have more of this in my life.

Rachael: 4:58

So let us just backtrack before we go forward Troy spoke about that he was looking to create his life and so one of the tools that we use from Access Consciousness is what would I like to have as my life? what would I like my life to look like? what are the energies that I would like to have in my life? and so for me in relationship I had always people that I felt responsible for that I had to look after, that was stemming from my primary relationship with my mom who was coming out of a violent marriage when I was only like 10 months old and I always had this sense that I had to look after her because my dad had beaten her so badly and so I was not having ease, joy and glory in relationships up until I'm going to say probably like 6-7 years ago where I started to demand that my relationships would have a different energy now what do I mean by that.

Rachael: 6:02

I'm talking about the energy of peace, I'm talking about the energy of ease I'm talking about the energy of honour, which is to respect someone and not judge them, and so I had made a big demand that my daily living would change in regard to the people that I surrounded myself with. So by the time I met Troy I was really reshaping recreating my life in a way that worked for me and demanding that I have more gratitude that I be around people that didn't judge I was very used to judging myself in relationships making myself wrong. So one of the questions that I was using is: what if I didn't judge me in a relationship what would that be like?

Rachael: 6:52

So I had already got on the road to opening up to the energy flows that would invite more trusting, honouring, more gratitude in relationships and so when Troy says what I was looking for to create in my life was these energies of no havoc, you know compression, contraction, stress and you used to tap dance a lot what I mean by that is when I met him first you used to tap dance a lot we worked together and if people in the business were being difficult or looking to control or doing upset particularly I'm going to say females Troy would, I suppose you had to develop the ability to not go into reaction with that which is essentially what this podcast is coming out of reaction in relationship and into gratitude and into what you want to create and what is the purpose of your relationships and I guess that's that's where we were both at when we actually met each other.

Troy: 8:05

Yeah, like I guess for me with the relationships that I have been in before like there was a lot of people that would judge me or make me wrong and actually separate from me especially like when I was not delivered what they wanted me to deliver and like that was one of the things that I was expecting from Rachel as well like when I make a mistake I was like okay like now this relationship is going to end or she's going to separate from me and I was actually having all of these projections that I was bringing from my past into my future relationships and I guess it took me a while to detox from them and like really relax and I guess that was one of the main things that was keeping me on my toes because I was expecting when is the next bomb going to happen or what's going to occur so the other person is going to separate from me and one of the things that really changed over time like being in a relationship with Rachael was like she actually didn't choose any of those things like when something occurs that was not expected or when I made a mistake instead of like us moving apart or making one another wrong like we're able to have these conversations and like move towards greater things.

Rachael: 10:00

That's one thing that I actually really enjoy about us is when we totally fuck things up like when we make a mistake we usually have the ability to start laughing you know one of my favourite questions is when you do something that is let's say it's not going in the direction that you thought it would be you know ask this question: what's funny about this that I'm not laughing at? what's right about this that I'm not getting? and then once we laugh about it and we use this term choice creates and choice creates is actually it's a huge universe where you choose in every 10 seconds the energy that creates your life and your choice actually informs energy, so your life is an energy bank and your choice informs that energy and the way it comes to matter, to fruition and so this is one of the things that I really enjoy is when we do feck it up or make a mistake you know you're you're so kind with me when I really you know Troy would say oh choice creates what awareness did we get and I know I'm kind with you as well you know when you mess things up and it's such a lovely it's such a lovely gift to have someone who is not willing to separate from you

Troy: 11:31

and I would say it's an essential energy as well like to like not expect the other person to be perfect,

Rachael: 11:40

perfect

Troy: 11:40

And I know like and that was one of the things that I knew about myself like I am not perfect and I won't be perfect so therefore I don't actually expect Rachael or another person to be perfect as well and I have been in those relationships where people pretend like they were perfect and it was it was not fun it was not sustainable it was not nurturing it was just like I am right and you're wrong so therefore like you have to be punished or whatever that was and like being in a relationship with someone that doesn't have that and where you can come together like for me that's that's the most valuable thing because nobody is perfect and we all make all of these mistakes and I get the most relevant part is to like instead of going into separation like really lowering our walls and barriers and like looking at like what else is possible and what can be chosen now

Rachael: 12:47

Yeah and thanks for saying that one of the tools that we talk about in Access Consciousness and particularly in Relationship Done Different is allowance, Gary Douglas the creator of Access Consciousness has written a book on the gift of allowance and if you are going to create relationships that are sustainable where you grow, where you change, I would say allowance is an essential ingredient for that relationship to work and so Troy talked about perfection I am a recovering perfectionist and what I mean what I mean by that I used to love things to be perfect and it actually destroyed my future destroyed my life and so the times that I wasn't happy, joyful, Rachael the times that I was off are just like having a day where you know a day that you just lose your mojo or your enthusiasm Troy would always be like extremely loving and just ask me a question, hey how can I ask you a question, and I am pretty good at allowing you in and letting you ask a question

Troy: 14:06

Yeah, yeah and I think it takes a lot of vulnerability to really not separate when you have a sense that you're wrong or you're bad and

Rachael: 14:18

Why is he with me? What are you even doing? Why do you love me?

Troy: 14:24

Yeah because you cannot especially when you're in that position if you're going to let the other person in, you do have to let go of control and I know I'm a control freak

Rachael: 14:37

Two control freaks yeah if you're out there and you're a control freak, it's not right it's not wrong, does it create what you would like to have

Troy: 14:48

Yeah, and it takes a lot of vulnerability to lower your walls and barriers and let the other person in and allowing yourself to receive because I know like I was trained to give give give give give give give give give give and at the same time that was my comfortable state because once I'm giving I can control but receiving was not a familiar energy flow in my life so I really required to practice and allow myself to receive even when I'm not perfect

Rachael: 15:25

Yeah, I would say that was the big thing for me, you know, when things in my life I might have, I mean I'm pretty sure we were together a couple of years and I got into some financial difficulties and you, I, my point of view is I have to deal with this myself and then Troy was like I'm here, you know and so I wasn't used to having someone be there for me, this stable steady present energy that was, hi I'm here and I can be loving for you and I can contribute and I remember at one point you actually saying to me like let me in, let me contribute, I want to be here and when we talk about contribution, you know if someone is contributing to you because number one, you'll have more energy and you'll always have more joy or more ease or more lightness when you are around that person.

Troy: 16:30

Yeah, and your life becomes way greater, way more easier and you're able to create at least 20 times more than what you were creating by yourself.

Rachael: 16:44

Yeah, yeah I suppose that's the other side of things is not only are we in a relationship but also we create businesses together can you talk about what that's like for you? Well creating a business and generating a business, our target is to expand consciousness on the planet one of my favourite questions is what would it be like to live in a conscious society and it's hard to define consciousness the definition of it the closest that we've got to it is receiving everything and judging nothing and making everything greater so receiving everything about the person judging nothing, this is not right this is not wrong, this is not good, this is not bad and then allowing things to become greater and I would say probably us working together and having a very clear interest in creating more consciousness on our planet, more choice more choice with your body, more ease with your body also is something that supports the if our relationship was a ship, I would say our target and consciousness is the seas that hold that ship

Troy: 18:08

Yeah, yeah I would definitely say that too like I know my target is to create more consciousness in the world and living in a world that have way more consciousness way more joy way more ease possibilities and actually us being together and creating a business together is, I'm gonna say it's intertwined with our relationship because we both love generating, like getting the tools of Access Consciousness out there in the world

Rachael: 18:52

I was just looking at it probably what makes it even work more, we both generate work a lot some people call it work, we call it create and generate so I also have massive allowance for how much Troy loves to create and generate and I also know that our relationship would not be sustainable if it's just me and him, I don't believe any relationship can be sustained by one person, we require a lot of energies in our lives and so I guess the business is this platform for creation where we meet people all over the world, we get to work with phenomenal people and also we're moving usually in an enthused position, unless one of us gets fed up and we require to go to the beach or the forest or take a walk or get our bars run usually we're in this position where we're happy to generate and create the business and even though we create it together we don't necessarily work together in the generation of and a lot that tends to be done you could be working away for hours, I could be working away for hours and then discussions on what we're creating

Troy: 20:12

And actually you said something I just want to expand on it a little bit like you said, I don't believe a relationship can be sustainable only two people with two people and what Rachael means about that is we have a lot of people that are contributing to us and not going into an expectation of the other person that they will be the source of all energies in your life and personally I have been trained to do that, like expecting the other person or being all the energies for the other person and I remember there was a time that in our relationship everything was getting contracted and more contracted and more contracted because I realised that I had a point of view that I have to be all energies for Rachael and yeah, exactly and it doesn't work and I remember Rachael was presenting me a different possibility which was saying, hey do you know, I require to spend some time with my girlfriends and I require to spend some time in creation with this person and actually allowing

Rachael: 21:40

I remember now what you are talking about I said to Troy I require other people to work with

Troy: 21:47

Yeah and actually adding all of these energies that is a great contribution to our relationship like made everything way more greater way more sustainable and way more happier for me and I believe for Rachel as well and that's where we talk about in the 10 keys of total freedom written by Gary Douglas

Rachael: 22:17

I have one here

Troy: 22:21

I believe the 10th key is no exclusion and allowing everything and everyone to contribute to you and your relationship and one of the things that I saw throughout my life in relationships that people are choosing, like usually when they go into your relationship they have a tendency to exclude everybody else around them and it's like okay this is now,

Rachael: 22:48

Yeah, that would never work for me

Troy: 22:50

Yeah, and it didn't work for me even if it was even if I was trying to make it work yeah I suppose I'm more social, it's fair to say that I'm more social than you in regard to people yeah, I enjoy being around people, I actually enjoy having time with them and chatting and interaction and engaging so for me I do require a lot of energies for my life to work and for me to be happy and joyful and so I guess if you're out there and you're looking at the differences between you and your partner, it's to respect those differences as well, try requires a lot of space days on your own you know we both require a lot of space, sometimes we're like hey are you going away for three days and I love that we're that open with each other, hey are you going away for a couple of days, you know we both travel work, in other words the other one could do with a few days at home on their own and we also have gratitude and vulnerability with each other when we do require space which is, it's a big one what would your top tip to someone out there looking at maybe creating a relationship or they're in a relationship and things are getting compressed and contracted, what would your top tips be for them A top tip would be it starts with you your relationship with you instead of looking or trying to, especially if you're in the beginning of looking to create a relationship instead of going into all of these projections expectations, separation, judgements projections or conclusions about what this should look like or what the other person should deliver I would say really start to look at your relationship with yourself and what does work for you and I know before I met with Rachael, I did quite a lot of work and I spent firstly a lot of time with myself and getting clear on what is valuable for me what do I enjoy what do I like to create we talk about the five elements of intimacy and which is: allowance, honour, gratitude, trust, vulnerability and really starting to first of all educate yourself about these elements, would you like to give a brief information about them?

Rachael: 25:53

Sure, so the first one, honour, honour is to not judge you or to not judge your mate you know, and if I find myself that I want to get like judgey or untry, I know that there's something that I'm not in allowance of myself let's take that as the second one allowance is everything is an interesting point of view it is becoming the rock in the stream and allowing all points of views to go around you, allowance is a super it is a power tool for a relationship it is being in allowance of the person's points of views Troy has very different points of views to me on certain things it might be about a house, furniture you know, we were putting our bedroom together I wanted the bed the other end and it is that we actually can have different points of views and to work through our differences and then is it relevant for us to, you know, when it comes to the bedroom, I always suggest, hey, can I show you the bed down this end of the room and see what it looks like and then if it doesn't work we can move it back and then when we did it actually worked much better the way that I had suggested, you know and where I've because I grew up around a lot of people that I didn't trust I know, one thing I know about Troy, he is always looking to make things greater and I trust when he suggests something let me show you this or let me suggest a different way

Troy: 27:38

Most of the times

Rachael: 27:38

Most of the times and even him saying that is like, well actually I'm looking to have it my way instead of looking to what creates greater and it's something that I just really it's so beautiful to be in the lungs of someone and to love them for who they are not wanting them to be perfect the perfect guy that gives me everything, no I've learned through my journey and my relationship with myself becoming a sustainable relationship because the longest relationship you'll ever have is with yourself so one of the things that I've learned is that I cannot be reliant on the other person I've got to rely on myself to bring things to fruition and then I can ask Troy for what I require

Troy: 28:30

And I would say like that that is one of the elements that make our relationship work because first of all we actually do have a good relationship with ourselves and then us coming together with 10 second increments going, okay, does this relationship work for us today and instead of going, okay, now we're in a relationship and this is going to be forever no, like asking a question and choosing to be together like that would be I would say that would be the element that allow our relationship to become greater all the time

Rachael: 29:16

And choice is actually gratitude one of the elements of intimacy I talked about allowance, I talked about honour gratitude, are you grateful to be with me today then if I'm not grateful I've got to look at am I being honest with myself, what do I require do I require space, do I require a walk in the park do I require to play my guitar do I require to be around different energies and then continuously coming back to being grateful for the choice because if I'm not grateful to be with Troy, things don't work you know And gratitude is, it sounds so easy, just be grateful for each other, you know, but when you hit very old points of views, fixed points of views about like how wrong something is and you shouldn't do it this way, i.e. driving, right? I still have to work on my lungs with the whole driving thing. I'll get there. So having gratitude is also this phenomenal change. It transforms a relationship where you become more closer, whereas judgment actually separates you from each other. And then trust is I can trust that Troy won't ever look to take away like pain or sadness from me. I know that that's not what I would want him to do anyways, because it is very disempowering to look for someone else to look after your emotions or your feelings. What I do know with Troy trusting who he is, he will always ask me a question and and we run this therapy called Bars and body work if I ask him hey will you run my Bars you know I'm off or I've got like some old emotional stuff from my past coming up today that I would like to transform and have different choices in you know around and then you run my Bars or you know can you give me a bit of space today I'm going through a lot of change or something has come up for me and so not withdrawing my energy, actually engaging and informing, Troy what's going on for me, which is a big one.

Troy: 29:57

And yeah, and trusting the person will be whoever they are tomorrow, maybe a little bit more worse. And I get that's really important. a great element to have with yourself like really trusting you and what you require and I know like in the past like I would actually in my past relationships I would just leave that in the doors and I would try to mutilate and staple myself to what the other person needs, wants and desires of me and I would actually won't trust that I require a lot of space. I won't trust that I require a lot of change all the time. Like things cannot be the same. Like they do require to change and there would be all of these places that I required to work with me and that's why we are saying that you require to work these elements with yourself first because If I don't have gratitude for me, it's not possible for me to have gratitude for Rachael or anyone else.

Rachael: 29:57

So I'm going to challenge that one. I have to say there's something that you've opened up in me, even though I don't have gratitude for myself. I have this, you have this strange ability in me still being able to have gratitude for you. Yeah. Yeah. We're different and so yeah the gratitude one is a big piece and then did we do vulnerability

Troy: 29:57

Um we just honor trust gratitude vulnerability do you miss anyone allowance they're the five and there are also calls and classes and a book you can buy called Sex is not a four-letter word relationship often is and it's really great education and information in creating relationships that work so we've talked a lot I have a sense we've talked a lot and we will have more conversations about our relationship I'm very grateful for you I'm very very grateful for you

Rachael: 29:57

And if you're out there please don't give up or give in or quit if you would like to create relationships that contribute to you I have come away from relationships that were extremely destructive into relationships that I would say relationships that I was trained to go against myself to go against my knowing to go against what I required and And now I have relationships that support me to choose for me. And an example of that is the other day I woke up and I was looking to spend some time in the Southern hemisphere in winter. And Troy was like, the nights are getting dark. You know, what are you going to create for the winter? And so I adore having people and someone who support your choice, what you have to choose for you, for your life to work. For me, that's the most relevant piece.

Troy: 29:57

Yeah, absolutely.

Rachael: 29:57

So we hope this podcast contributes to you. And if it does, please share it with your friends or your loved ones. And I will be back with the next podcast. And thank you so much for listening to us. It is truly an honour to be received and listened to.

Troy: 29:57

Yeah, thank you so, so much. And I hope this conversation contributes to you and contributes to you have more possibilities more ease with your relationships and with the relationship that you have with yourself

Rachael: 29:57

bye everyone

Troy: 29:57

bye