EP4: How projections & expectations can be a limitation and severe on communication

The episode explores how projections and expectations—from ourselves and others—shape our behavior, limit our choices, and pull us out of being who we truly are. By becoming aware of these energetic influences and clearing them, we create more space, authenticity, and freedom in our relationships, future, and daily life.

1. The Central Theme: Projections & Expectations

• Projections and expectations are powerful forces that limit presence, choice, and authenticity.
• We often unconsciously play out other people’s projections due to our heightened awareness.

2. How Projections Shape Identity

• People frequently step into roles written by others—family, partners, society—rather than choosing who they truly are.
• Without awareness, you live according to external expectations instead of your own being.

3. The Energetic Impact of Projections

• Projections compress your energetic space, creating contraction and anxiety.

4. Awareness vs. Reaction

• Many “reactions” aren’t personal—they’re you picking up someone else’s world (Graeme).
• If a moment doesn’t feel like “you,” you’re likely inside someone else’s expectations.

5. Key Tools for Clearing Projections

• Destroy and uncreate all projections and expectations toward people, money, relationships, and situations.
• Ask: “Would an infinite being choose this?” to return to presence and being.

6. Relationships & Projections

• Projections often distort romantic and familial relationships.
• Healthy relationships require space, not merging into another person’s expectations.

7. Contribution vs. Projection

• Contribution is spacious, expansive, and choice-based.
• Projection is result-oriented, controlling, and limiting.
• True contribution empowers others without demanding sameness or agreement.

8. Returning to “Being”

• Being is the state where “you have you.”
• Projections pull you out of being and into roles, reaction, and self-judgment.

9. Childhood Conditioning & Internalized Projections

• Long-term projections—especially those from childhood—create deep identities about who we think we are (Graeme).
• Many lifelong self-judgments come from absorbing others’ definitions, not actual truth.

10. Recognizing What’s Not Yours

• Much of the “wrongness” people feel is not theirs, but internalized projections.
• Letting go of these opens the possibility to choose who you want to become.

11. Practical Awareness Tool

• When something feels tense, reactive, or off:
   Ask: “Whose world am I buying into?”

12. Vision for a Conscious World

• Hosts imagine a world where people genuinely like themselves, free from projections.
• A society without constant judgment or expectation would create ease, joy, and natural contribution.

Want to know more about Rachael you can visit her social media and website:

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Transcript

Rachael: 0:02

Hello everyone and welcome to the fourth podcast of Discovering the Miracle of You. And if you're watching and you can see us visually you will just see Graeme has went yes and that actually leads us into today's conversation. Welcome to my beautiful friend Graeme Crosskill.

Graeme: 0:25

Hello.

Rachael: 0:25

Hello.

Graeme: 0:25

Hello.

Rachael: 0:25

Hello. So we we met each other in 2014 so we've known each other that's like that's 11 years huh? Yeah same 11 years yeah it's wild. It's wild and we were we were looking at what we would like to talk about and I was looking at what I'd like to talk about and one of the things that have been that has been extremely destructive to both of us is a big topic called projections and expectations. So today we're going to talk about projections and expectations and the way that it limits you and the way it really stops you from being present with what is and then I guess the evolution of our conscious journey into beyond projections and expectations is this massive topic that I would say we're both still unravelling receiving but let's start with projections and expectations.

Graeme: 1:29

Big big topic and a great conversation.

Rachael: 1:29

Yeah yeah.

Graeme: 1:36

So we yeah you do you want me to kick off and?

Rachael: 1:40

Oh you go you go yeah.

Graeme: 1:42

Yeah so it it it really is one of those big conversations and and um it's also something that I don't think you would hear really anywhere else or be able to explore anywhere else other than Access which is really interesting um and like there's two major dynamics that I think play a big role and I'm gonna talk specifically from like my point of view and my awareness but also kind of addressing like a humanoid man's perspective on this conversation as well and what I've noticed with projections and expectations when you are aware when you have this ability to tap into other people's worlds projections and expectations tend to be something that like you say limit you in such a way because one you have the projection and expectation which creates a result but we don't realise how aware we are and so we end up playing the role of other people's projections and expectations yeah to such a level that you know like I've noticed when something occurs in an interaction or something around people I'm like what the fuck is going on yeah now what way I'm like wow that was someone's projection of me and I've just played it out.

Rachael: 3:19

Oh totally and the way and the way I look at this is projections the way I look at it is you know the way Shakespeare said the world is a stage and we are mere but actors and um if I took it take a look at me when you met me 13 years ago I was after walking into someone else's play written by someone else directed by someone else scripted by someone else and um I'm going to say because I'm so energetic and I wasn't educated I'm going to say like how to be in the world I wasn't educated about how do I get to be me in this world um other than fitting into a character and so what would occur is I would walk into scenarios and I would pick up everybody else's projections of what I had to deliver what was my job what was my role I was always the responsible one I was always the one that you know it was I it was wrong if something didn't work it was my fault you know and so these these projections are so severe that if you're not educated on just this simple tool and what is this person's agenda you know their agenda is for me to look after them okay now I have choice is that going to work for me but you said something that really um got me to look at the energetics of this number one we don't realise how powerful our point of view is okay the the founder of Access Consciousness Gary Douglas who you know and Graeme works with the expansion and growth of Access Consciousness okay and I'm a facilitator of Access Consciousness. So is Graeme but I would say mainly right now you're in the role of the support and growth of Access Consciousness the audio visual um ensuring everything that gets the work out into the world correct

Graeme: 5:08

yeah exactly spot on yeah

Rachael: 5:08

Yeah and so um Gary said there was a lady called Georgie, Georgie Watson who we both know and she was at a fair with horses or some type of an event with horses a horse show and there were two guys putting the horses into the cart and the horses were freaking out and these guys were like stressful and angry and so let me just give a small energetic explanation of what occurs when a projection occurs is you take up a small amount of space so immediately you're compressed because it's a fixed positional point of view okay and so these horses sense the projection of the owners and they're like and freaking out because what occurs is when you compress into a small space animals in particular will sense that and they'll freak out okay they'll get anxious and so they were just about to get out the whips and Georgie called Gary Douglas and Georgie called Gary Douglas and he said clear all the projections and expectations of the owners and the trainers on the horses and expand their zone of awareness expand the zone of awareness is space give them space more space go the size of the earth and so Georgie started working on it by the time she got off the phone and turned around the horses were walking into the cart

Graeme: 6:23

Yep and I love that and it's like you know what's really interesting is is when you give an example like that i can also again perceive like how many people go okay well that was not really a real or true change that was just like you know that doesn't really happen and it's like that is such an expectation in the projection in itself that stops you from experiencing and and tapping into what you are actually capable of

Rachael: 7:18

yes

Graeme: 7:18

and that's the thing with projections and expectations it's like they're so powerful that they can even stop your capacity to experience how powerful your projections and expectations are

Rachael: 7:18

Yeah yeah

Graeme: 7:18

It's crazy

Rachael: 7:18

Yeah yeah and and so now we come to let's let's give people a tool so what you can do is you can destroy and uncreate all the projections and the expectations that you have on others and even myself and Graeme, you know when Graeme came on today and he said hi and I was like hi and for me Graeme is not the person that I met 13 years ago uh-uh no you're not yeah and yes and I'm certainly not the naive and ignorant girl that you met 13 years ago I was super cute but I was super naive you know

Graeme: 7:51

And lots of fun as well

Rachael: 7:51

yes I am and and I still am you know and and so so one of the things would be if we were arriving to meet each other that I would have a projection you know a result of what Graeme is supposed to deliver to me or what it's supposed to look like and we haven't even edited this conversation we haven't prepared for it and that's what I love about consciousness we naturally have conversations in consciousness

Graeme: 8:27

Yeah yeah beautiful

Rachael: 8:27

Yeah and so a projection you can you can clear all the projections and expectations destroy and uncreate all the projections expectations I have on my mother that's a big one because we've so many much history with our mothers destroying and create all the projections expectations I have on

Graeme: 8:54

everything money relationships,

Rachael: 9:04

Money, money, money is a big one and you said something that got my cogs turning you said um we'll never recognise the capacities that we have when we don't recognise our capacity to create a projection can you talk more about that I love that

Graeme: 9:28

Yeah well yeah I think like you know we've been so entrained and I'm going to say this word very specifically schooled because we're not educated we are schooled

Rachael: 9:28

No I started I didn't feel prepared to be uh to live on this planet and to create my life did you true school

Graeme: 9:45

No I have freaking I still feel like I have no idea what's going on yeah um and so the the the whole basis and the whole like um platform that we get create like we get projected into already is purely based on like an answer and an expectation reality you know it's like there is only one way or two ways to do something and that's the right way and everything else is the wrong way and so when like when you're feeling stuck in your life and you're feeling like a little bit like your possibilities are limited maybe ask yourself like what is the projections of the future or the expectations of me that actually don't suit or match who I who I be yeah yeah and what and so and and what you be and so like and what I meant so in in that like if you let's let's just keep it simple if you're looking for another job but you've bought into the narrative that jobs are limited money is scarce you have to be certain educated in a certain way to succeed in a certain way that point of view that you've bought right there and then you project it into the future you expect that result to be delivered back to you which matches your your narrative and then it creates your reality so yeah go for it because

Rachael: 11:38

The big thing in all this is what you're what you're really showing me now in projections and expectations is there's always a deficiency in what like I you're always projecting that you're deficient in what you're capable of creating and choosing and and so and and this for me like is mind-blowing and so now I'm recognising even more that we have this necessity to do true projections and expectations that are nothing to do with what we're capable of as a being

Graeme: 12:10

Exactly and and and that's like that's why it goes hand in hand in this weird way because when you don't acknowledge that you have this power to project and expect then you're not going to realise that you're creating your life from projections and expectations which are limiting your choices and your possibilities

Rachael: 12:24

Totally totally and so one of the one of the concepts that we talk about and I'm going to say concept porque it's it's something that I'm 13 years of utilising these tools and I'm only really getting it um and I have to work for it um is

Graeme: 12:34

The next 13 years you're going to be like are we only getting it now

Rachael: 12:34

Yeah exactly and I can hear a friend of both of us Shannon O'Hara saying you couldn't even have this conversation if you weren't capable of being you know she always says that to me I say hey Shannon I feel like I'm only starting today you know she was like no you wouldn't even be able to have that those words at that conversation if you didn't have being you know and so we talk about an Access knowing receiving perceiving being and there's no way I can cover them all on one conversation it's just too big okay well let's pick the first one which is being is wouldn't it would an infinite being choose this and it it's like yeah it's a tool okay so for me it's like yeah would an infinite being choose this and one of the things that I noticed with projections is being has this space where you have you

Graeme: 13:48

I love that that's so good yeah being has this space where you have you

Rachael: 13:57

I t kind of makes me cry um because I've I've had so much of not having me you know yeah yeah um and I would say that's how come we're both so committed to the tools of Access Consciousness because it allows you to commit to you yeah

Graeme: 14:18

Yeah yeah and that that can also only really start to show up when you start to acknowledge that like how much of your life are you living from other people's expectations and projections of who you are and and what you are and you know like the conversation you were having earlier about where um you know we've met now but originally like 13 years ago we were different or whatever it was years ago we were different people this is also the weird thing when you have the courage to change and then you meet someone from the past like you and it feels like you've gone backwards because it's like how much are you walking into their projections and expectations of who you were so long ago and so again it's like it's another way of twisting yourself up it's like being is this like you're saying you have this courage where you can have you and commit to that you're different and you've changed and that even if people have solid projections and expectations of you you do not have to make that your reality anymore

Rachael: 15:18

And I would say if you don't acknowledge that it's it's great that we're having this conversation because I go to see my daughter tomorrow who you know you know Jesse she's 33 she's 33 like what I have a daughter that's 33 years old and she's changed and so when we meet each other I was just talking to her on the phone and she has different requirements to me and I have different requirements to her and we were talking about like how we'll work the two days you know I'm going to stay somewhere else for one night we're going to stay together for one night so we really had to actively take a look at what is going to honour both of us in the choice and what is going to work for both of us so we don't have this like skirting back to old projections and one of the things that I used to do as a mom I had this weird point of view that like we talked about like receiving and I had to like give my projection was I to give I to give I to give I to give I to give I to give and no matter what I give it's never enough and I've I've got to be really aware that that was a very familiar role to me for like 40 odd years you know you know exactly yeah yeah and so that I don't fall into the trap of again that necessity to do true result in projection and to be honest every time I've met her she just wants to hang out with her mom she just wants to have space y hang out you know which is which is which is the person who's creating the problem then is me

Graeme: 16:48

Yeah yeah yeah I mean how many of our problems que we have are like truly our own creation in our own board point of view and board projection and expectation of something of someone else you know

Rachael: 17:03

Yeah yeah exactly exactly I'm just even I'm looking at um my husband who you know Troy Aldanmaz and last night he was in a right riches for you um class with David Kubes who's another Access Consciousness and he's a money magician this guy has like some like he's incredible and um Troy came off and he's looking at um building his financial future and finding his financial reality and he's he's like extremely present with what he would like to create and where he would like to go you know and he got off the call and he said hey I'm looking at like I'd like to buy an apartment and he said do you want to be part of this and and I could sense for probably two minutes I got lost in his projection of what he would like to create as his financial future and so and the difference between so guys you can also use this in relationship in fact we highly recommend if you're in romantic relationship even more like yeah even more so and so I came upstairs and I pod and pocked all my projections because my office is upstairs you know it's nice to have your own space isn't it always always and

Graeme: 18:19

It's a it's a law of the universe

Rachael: 18:19

Yes it is a law of the universe give yourself space you require it you are the space you know and I started looking at is that something that's fun and joy for me or would that just be about the result you know the projection of we'll buy five apartments and and I have got money to deposit on a real estate and maybe maybe choose that and I looked at and I was like no it's it's not fun for me in this tense it it does it does the joy the expansion

Graeme: 19:07

The expectation of what you should be doing in a relationship that's also like that that's so huge where it's like you think you have to do everything together or it means something's wrong or whatever and it's like but even in that how how much do you have to give yourself up in that point of view

Rachael: 19:39

Wow so we're going to use the Access Consciousness clearing statement and in regard to this one how much do you have to give yourself up to the other people's other person's projection in relationships yeah everything that is again I've talked about the Access Consciousness clearing statement right and wrong good and bad poc and pod all 100 shorts boys POVADS creations based beyonds that's the bit of magic that de-solidifies the point of view because this can become very solid and then if this was like five years ago I would be at the bank looking at like how we're going to merge the property looking at like getting someone to rent the property you know I I know I'm like I don't want yeah

Graeme: 20:13

Yeah not not in these 10 seconds

Rachael: 20:32

And that doesn't that is not fun and joy for Troy yeah

Graeme: 20:32

Well I was just going to say and and you know what's so beautiful about this because look look at this such a good example of actually how empowering that is right so if we play this out in in a in a simple example like where now your husband has got this enthusiasm to create his future yeah he wants to obviously include you in that

Rachael: 20:49

Oh so he goes like men

Graeme: 20:49

Yeah exactly exactly and his his version of caring and all of that is like hey come along with me and then you choose that but you choose it because it's from the projection and expectation that destroys the future and it also it it also then dampens his awareness and his ability to create his future because now he's going to take care of you in this example as well and it's like oh well what if something goes wrong I fucked up you know my relationship with my wife I've taken her money blah blah where when you had the capacity and the willingness to be spaced with that question that what I've noticed now it's like how much has that actually empowered him to go wow I actually can create this on my own and for myself and include everybody else without them having to come along

Rachael: 21:28

Yeah exactly and and so one of the big things that's being continuous and never ending in our relationship is contribution and and so contribution is beyond projection yeah contribution is beyond projection and expectation and so contribution is there's no result in it it's this space of your being and the generosity of your being being present and with me and me getting the awareness of hang on a second and like right now I'm really into building my Access business like I'm like into like I am so ah about what I can create with relationships done different and like talk to the entities and like even financially the money and entity stuff like there's a joy business there's a lot of things that I'm like like I'm like a tree that I require a lot of resources a lot of support to grow what I'm capable of and so can you imagine me like being going down to the bank and organising the thing and so I can I can contribute to this and it can grow and I can support it but I don't have to give myself up in regard to where I require to put my energy for what um for what I know and what you see the thing about this is I'd love to know what this is like for you and I know where I'm going in that I know that knowing receiving perceiving and being that consciousness nothing can give me that there's that space of being where I'm in communion with everything in communion with the land in communion with the beach in communion with the sea in the communion with every molecule in the universe that communion for me is it's gold

Graeme: 23:30

Yeah it's like your your guiding awareness

Rachael: 23:30

Exactly exactly and so when you know when you're where you're going which we we started talking about it that we weren't educated to know where we're going and for me when I got this knowing receiving perceiving being then I started really asking what do I know what's going to work for me you know and that not enough for the

Graeme: 23:50

How can I fit this projection and expectation of me o how can I project enough and expect enough to create my life like that I think is also where we get a bit twisted because we think that educated school that projections and expectations are the way to create reality

Rachael: 24:30

Yeah maybe for some robot but not for the art of living and you know and you know you know what I would love um for you to talk about before we come to the end of the podcast is maybe giving people a couple of tools and tips in regard to being highly sensitive of people's projections and expectations and then really coming into what you know and building the knowing of what actually works for you

Graeme: 25:04

So a good question um well it it really does match onto what you were saying like knowing knowing so like I look at it like this like if you could have you have infinite choice right let's say today we woke up totally present and we had infinite choice to create cultivate who we desire to be so do you desire to be kind do you desire to be caring do you desire to be present or do you desire to be reactive do you desire to be angry like you know we literally can create anything we want to be like we can truly choose that when you get the energy of that and you respond o you react or you're in a moment that doesn't feel good or matching what you want to be in the world you're probably in someone else or something else's projection or expectation

Rachael: 26:03

Yeah for sure

Graeme: 26:03

And so that that is like a way in which to be like going into question like what actually just occurred there and then also like like taking that moment I'll give you an example like because I'm kind of referring to something so it's like I know that I desire to be kind generous and caring in every moment it's not always be possible fine but I know that's what my kind of guiding energy is right

Rachael: 26:27

And I've been around you Graeme and that's what you are choosing

Graeme: 26:40

Yeah thank you it and it is and and like I was working the other day in class and you know because I I work on um like you mentioned I work on the stream team so it's quite a demanding um space and presence and something happened in class and I had to rush back to get to the camera and people were putting chairs all around the cameras and as I got there I just like pushed the chair out of the way because I had to get a shot before we missed it and it was this weird twisted energy and I could tell that that person that was putting those chairs there was like oh just another freaking rude arsehole you know and it was really interesting and I was like wow and I've had engagements con this this lady before and she creates the same energy every time and it doesn't matter what you be around her that's how men show up yeah because you know here's the key though like this is where you have to really be in question whose world are you buying into yeah because I could have gone and made myself wrong I could have gone oh you know yes I am a fucking arsehole which I did for the last 40 years or you can be like hang on actually what's really going on there like whose world is that and then be willing for them and this is the other side be willing for people to project and expect that you it's okay but if you resisted or reacted in any way you become it and it's just a mess

Rachael: 28:11

Holy shit you've just told me show me something huge you've just told me show me the difference between micro and macro micro is my word what I want my projections my results whereas macro is hang on a second we haven't only got a couple of hundred people in the room we also have hundred people hundreds of people online here who like who would love to capture this magical miraculous moment so the contribution in this case Dr. Dain here was the facilitator and and who can transmit this beautiful possibility of transformation but as long as you're stuck in a point of view you can't be part of that universe of contribution and being gifted to and receiving because you're always going to make it about the projection of the energetic point of view and what someone did to you instead of what we can create together

Graeme: 29:13

Yeah and and so beautifully said and for me personally I can tell you being projected at has been the single-handedly the biggest damage that has ever been done to me so far because the projections that I grew up in about what men are who men are how men are and

Rachael: 29:27

How they work how they work

Graeme: 29:27

Exactly I like here's this fucking kind beautiful kid who just got absolutely pummeled by five women on men and who men are and then of course I've like so fucked myself up into all of that trying to prove that I'm not it while being it while getting like it's just an absolute nightmare the key here is what if everything that you're fighting to prove that you're not is actually the strongness that you have available underneath all of that

Rachael: 0:18

Totally and what if you were to like that because the whole thing hinges on this is if we grow up like if we grow up in a world where you are supported to like you and get to know you and supported to have your kindness your contribution then then this whole projection thing that's the world that I'm asking for that we live in a world where people actually can you imagine living in a conscious society where people actually like themselves

Graeme: 0:36

Yes

Rachael: 0:36

It would be like it'd be so fucking cool like you you it would be it would be so because the way some people are like I'm I'm in the UK i came home yesterday and people are like oh it's dark oh it's raining oh I hate my life oh and can you imagine like what it'd be like going to your store and the girl behind the checkout liking herself

Graeme: 0:52

It would be so magical and it's like no projections and no expectations just I you know happy to be here like how can I contribute you know such what would it take and

Rachael: 0:52

It is showing up it is yeah it is shown up and yeah so i'm very grateful for you I'm very grateful for the conversation and we hope wherever you are in the world hey I was somewhere recently in Abu Dhabi and they were telling me a friend in India was listening to the podcast so wherever we we never know where this goes that's the way great consciousness rocks and rolls and we hope this contributes to you and how does it get any better than this and what would it take for you to like you and not function from people's projections of how you have to fit in or what you have to do like just forget about it and start liking

Graeme: 1:27

Yeah and what if every wrongness that you feel about you is actually not yours

Rachael: 1:27

Exactly I love it thanks so much for being here you're amazing see you soon everyone bye