Ep7: Do you create you as the judgment that you are not?

In this deeply honest episode of Discovering the Miracle of You, host Rachel O’Brien speaks with Brendon Watt about the hidden cost of self-judgment, addiction, and the stories we create to survive. Brendon shares his journey from pain, confusion, and using alcohol to numb his awareness, to choosing sobriety, self-honesty, and a life that truly feels like his own. Together, Rachel and Brendon explore what it takes to stop fighting yourself, release the need to belong by becoming someone else, and discover the freedom that comes from choosing what is true for you. This conversation is a powerful reminder that no matter how far you’ve gone into suffering, a different future is always possible.

Check out Brendon's Website here (https://www.brendonwatt.com/)

Brendon's Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/brendonwattcfmw/)

Brendon's Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/accessbrendonwatt/)

Brendon's YouTube (https://youtube.com/@brendonwatt?si=wa2vzaotI9koxVxP)

Brendon's Podcast "What's the Value of Addiction" (https://open.spotify.com/show/32EIzYGDDRGPGzL3AUXewj) 

Want to know more about Rachael you can visit her social media and website:

Website 

Facebook Page

Instagram

Youtube 

Transcript

Rachael 0:01

What is it that you would like to have as your life? What would you like to create? What would you like to choose? Welcome to Discovering the Miracle of You podcast. I am your host, Rachel O'Brien, and I invite you to know that you can change anything in your life that is not working for you. And you can create anything you desire. Hello everyone, and welcome to Discovering the Miracle of You. It's the sixth podcast, Brendon. And today I'm joined by Brendon Watt. He also is an Access Consciousness Facilitator and a 3-Day Body Facilitator. And I've known Brendon for a long time. Quite a while.

Brendon 0:52

Quite a while.

Rachael 0:54

And before we came on, we we don't actually, I'm gonna say we don't have a linear construct in the way that we converse and talk about what we want to bring to the world. And so before we came on, Brendon had said to me that he had to go through a lot of pain to discover the miracle of him. And so we're gonna name this podcast. Do you create you as the judgment that you are not? Well, Brendon, where do we start?

Brendon 1:27

Where do we start? Well, you know, it's like, I mean, I was really good at creating myself as everything I was not, you know. It's like I grew up, yeah, I grew up in interesting circumstances, you know. I had an I had an abusive father. Um, you know, there was a lot of there was a lot of havoc. I had a a really you know interesting moving around in childhood and different things. And it's just I just felt lost. I was like, and and in that in that lost, I I just started going, okay, what do I need to create myself as to make this easier? You know, and I thought creating myself as something that I was not was gonna make it easier, and it certainly did not make it easier on me.

Rachael 2:18

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can we talk to people that are listening about our tactic, like maybe your tactic? I know my tactic is I would like I would take on this personality and I would try to prove that I was intelligent or smart, or I would put on a persona um to deal with the judgment um to somewhat not be the effect of the insanity and the judgment that dominates people's worlds.

Brendon 2:52

So well, I did I mean I did drugs and alcohol, you know, to extremes. And and it was like I remember I remember the first time, the first drink I had, I was like 13 years old, and and I remember it just being like this numbing sense in my world. And I was just like, I felt like I finally fit in somewhere, you know, I felt like I belonged. And that was it, you know, and I just anything that would come up that didn't match what other people would receive, anything that would come into my world as an as awareness of what other people could not have, I would just drink, I shut it out in whatever way I could.

Rachael 3:35

Yeah.

Brendon 3:36

And it's like, and it's a way that I would I I I creating myself was based on how do I cope with everything around me, as if coping was creation. And it it it didn't, it didn't it it eventually got to a point where I was like, I I can't live like this anymore.

Rachael 3:57

Totally, totally. It's so funny. My first drink, I I'm pretty sure I was like 12 or 13 as well.

Brendon 4:05

Yeah, you're Irish, and I'm Australian, so it's like we you know there's no alcoholics in Australia in Ireland, there's only Australians and Irish,

Rachael 4:14

They just like their few drinks, that's all. As they say in Ireland, she likes her few drinks, in other words, like alcoholic. So, and I love what you said initially. The alcohol dumbed down your awareness, you know, it quitened it down. I I actually know what you're talking about. I remember being in a park in Ireland, and in Ireland you'd get these two liters of cider when you're 13 and 14 in this like in the 80s, and then like everyone would gather and get drunk, and you you then had the permission to like be yourself, but you weren't being yourself because you had to take something outside of you to actually allow yourself to permission to be, I guess, like open and talk about things that you may not had permission or had the courage to talk about without alcohol.

Brendon 5:07

Yeah

Rachael 5:08

Yeah, which is which is which is wild when you look at it. You're taking something outside of yourself so that you can express yourself, but it doesn't work.

Brendon 5:17

It doesn't, you know. I remember so I'm I'm coming up on four years sober now, and I remember the the realization that the way that the the the way that I was gonna, you know, the only way that I was gonna get to the miracle of me to to actually get to to me was there was no way I could have both. I couldn't have me and alcohol because I relied on it too much to not have me. And I remember the day where I realized that I was gonna have to give it up, and I was I was terrified. I was terrified of losing this thing that had been there all along to take me away from everything that I decided I couldn't be.

Rachael 6:06

Yeah, it's it's so funny you should talk about this. I was in AA for a while, I'm pretty sure you know this. Yeah, and I went through the 12 steps, and one of the things that I saw after being around the rooms for a while was the recovery numbers were extremely low, like extremely low. And I got really interested in what was creating this. How come there's only three or four of us around after three or four years or five, you know? And so I started to recognize that it was what was going on is people never actually dealt with the pain

Brendon 6:53

Yeah

Rachael 6:54

That the alcohol was numbing. And then I I quickly started to recognize that the pain the alcohol was numbing was not even mine, or it was it was it was this pain of being for me. I'll talk about me, it was this pain of being so different, and that nobody had ever I'm gonna say educated me or empowered me to ask, like no one had ever said to me, hey, there's this thing called judgment, and it's based on uh let's call it a structure of four pillars. This is right, this is wrong, this is good, this is bad. This is right, this is wrong, this is good, this is bad. And every time that you create you as judgment, you actually are eliminating you and your being.

Brendon 7:46

Yeah

Rachael 7:48

Fundamental education, and I spent my whole life up until 42 years of age trying to get it right because I had this deep core belief judgment wrapped around my spine or whatever you want, like like deep rooted, like rooted like a tree, that there was something radically wrong with me.

Brendon 8:09

Yeah, well, and the the for most people there is something radically wrong with that, what's which is different, you know. But it's the the way out of judgment is also the willingness to be wrong for others, but it's the willingness to be whatever that is for you, regardless of how others see it, you know. And I like that you said the thing about um, you know, with AA, how well the recovery thing, how a lot of people don't deal with the pain is one of the things I realized for myself is pain was so much more comfortable.

Rachael 8:47

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Brendon 8:49

You know, and so I could I get out of it for a little bit, but then I would return to it because that was my pre, you know, I knew that I knew how to be with, I knew who I was in pain.

Rachael 8:59

Control, yeah, yeah. It's it's so funny. You're talking about this. Um, a few years ago, Shannon O'hara, who we both know, she created Talk to the Entities, and she said there was um a painting called Hieronymus, Hieronymous Bosch. It was the garden of earthly delights.

Brendon 9:21

Uh-huh.

Rachael 9:21

And on the painting, there's like three sections. There's heaven and there's like hell, and then there's like an in-between purgatory. And I remember she said to us, take a little, take a look at which one is more like familiar for you. Like which is the one that you're I I did not, I did not enjoy when I recognized that a lot of my day was spent like um like Jesus on the cross, you know.

Brendon 9:49

Yeah.

Rachael 9:50

So that I was quite like into proving how tough life was and how hard it was, and how everything was terrible, and how this didn't work, and that didn't work, and and I remember looking at this painting, I went to see it in Madrid, and just I'm here, I'm actually here.

Brendon 10:10

Y eah

Rachael 10:11

And and actually receiving that number one. Maybe we'll talk about entrainment. I was entrained in a culture that was about suffering.

Brendon 10:22

Yeah, yeah. Is that the horse going here? I I'm now living at El Lugar, and my place is right next to the horse stables, so all day I get to hear the horses carry on, and I just love it, it's just the most wonderful thing in the world.

Rachael 10:45

Well, I love how the horse chaimed in, you know.

Brendon 10:48

I know they do that, they're just like, you know, they're willing to contribute to everything, it's amazing.

Rachael 10:54

Yeah, yeah, they're like us, they're like we're so aware and so present, and so the movement out of suffering into all of life comes to me with ease, joy, and glory, which is the Access Consciousness mantra.

Brendon 11:11

Yeah

Rachael 11:11

Can you talk about what was it like because you could have died, like let's like I have plenty of friends that died in Ireland from alcohol abuse, drug abuse.

Brendon 11:25

I was very close to it.

Rachael 11:27

Yeah, yep, yeah. I I there was a there was a time where I was like, is he gonna die or is he gonna live? Let's see.

Brendon 11:34

I was like, let's see when you're thinking of when I know when you're thinking of that it was it was a a thin veil, yeah.

Rachael 11:43

I was in I was in a taxi in Vienna and I was like, I'll send him a message, how are you doing? I was like, is he gonna stay or is he gonna die? And I do want to say this as facilitators of consciousness, and I'll talk about me first. I genuinely don't have a point of view um about death, which when we talk about like being different, it's something that people seem to have a lot of strong points of views about. After after watching a lot of people, I had a beautiful friend, uh Janie, she chose to leave about maybe like six or seven years ago. And for me, if that's what she requires to experience in this lifetime, like who am I to who am I to actually be the god of anyone else's life? So one thing I know, one thing I know particular um about alcohol and drugs is that you cannot convince another person to stop.

Brendon 12:42

No, and nobody could do that for me. And it's like it had to get to a point for me where I had to, I had to be willing to pull my socks up and fight for myself, you know. And that that meant that what meant calling bullshit on bullshit. It was all the things that I was trying to make real and true about me, I had to look at and go, okay, is this actually anything I desire to be? You know, like one of the things I did was

Rachael 13:12

I love can you just say I I I love is this anything I desire to be? In other words, is this the person that I want to be?

Brendon 13:18

Yeah, yeah. See, because we create ourselves, you know, so it's like if you desire to change who you are, change how you're showing up for yourself, change your point of view about you. If you desire to be something different, you have to choose as if you are that person, you know. So if you'd like to be kinder to yourself, judging yourself is not gonna get you there, you know. But I had to start, I had to make radical changes. And you know, I look back on four years ago now, and I was terrified. You know, I thought there's no way I'm gonna be able to get out of this, but I'm gonna do my best, you know, and I'm gonna make one choice and one choice and one choice. And it's you know, the the the strength that we have available uh as someone who is willing to choose is I mean it it blows me away to look back on where I was four years ago and to to be where I am now and just and have so much pride in what's possible to choose when you you you stop the beating the fucking shit out of yourself.

Rachael 14:29

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yep, and and and that part of beating the shit out of yourself. I I would say for me eventually to I was extremely hard and myself harsh, like hard, so hard, and I obviously learned that, you know. I grew up with people that my father was also like super destructive. I'm so grateful that he left when I was a young age that I didn't have to grow up with him. I'm like, when I say that, people are like surprised. I'm like, are you kidding me? Um, you know, one of his brothers was shot dead in front of his three kids, you know. So I know, and and I had to grow up with all of this as a kid. Oh, it's your father, Seán Flynn, blah blah blah. And so it there was so much like disrespect of being, and so maybe we can go into a conversation about being you beyond all the entrainment.

Brendon 15:32

Yeah, well, it's like being you beyond all the entrainment is is just because you have you know seen it, just because you have been told you are it, just because everybody else is choosing it, or thinking that you should choose it also, it's like it doesn't mean that that's all you have is choice, you know. Like I was told,

Rachael 15:55

But that's huge, Brendon. Just because you've seen it, just because you've been exposed to it, just because you may witness it every day, yeah, does not mean that that is you.

Brendon 16:08

That's well, well, one of the one of the I mean, one of the tools you want to have is what's true for you will always make you lighter. Yeah, always, and if it's not making you lighter, it's not there's some lie there, you know, and and so I had I had um a conversation with Gary Douglas many years ago, and this is when I was really uh struggling a lot with alcohol and and all of it. And um, he was like, Look, if you actually started choosing what was true for you, life would expand in ways that you cannot even begin to imagine. And him say that one line was something that just wedged itself in my head, and I was like, Whatever the fuck it takes, I'm gonna find out what he means by that.

Rachael 16:57

Totally. And we're talking about the creator of Access Consciousness, the founder Gary Douglas, who has been a I would say for me, I'm now only recognizing 13 years after coming to my first Access Consciousness class that I cannot do this on my own, that I require deep support.

Brendon 17:21

Yeah, and the universe is that deep support for all of us.

Rachael 17:26

Totally, totally

Brendon 17:28

It doesn't judge us, you know. The planet doesn't judge us, the animals don't judge us. We're the silly people that judge ourselves,

Rachael 17:38

Yeah, and and also I'm glad that you brought up the universe. For me, one of the things that seemed quite challenging for me to receive was that the universe loves you as you are, yeah. That a magnanimous universe knows that like it knows that you are part of it, it is willing to be loving to you, it is willing to care for you, and then really allowing myself to receive that was I'm gonna say it was probably one of the biggest transformations that I had that there's an all-loving universe out there that actually I can actually be part of, I can be part of this consciousness. That's that's the miracle, because a miracle is a shift in perception to what's true, and so every lie that I bought was sticking me in a reality that wasn't even mine, and then when you said when I moved into what's true, it was undeniable that this thing called choice, that I had a choice in every moment. Either I make what I saw growing up the source of my life, you know, either I paint that picture of my life from what I grew up with as the source, or I actually recognize that I have the privilege of having another choice. And I do say privilege for me to have the awareness that there is a different way of living is a privilege, yeah.

Brendon 19:10

Hey, we've you know, we've been blessed with choice

Rachael 19:14

Yeah. And it's the it's so funny, it's the very thing that we we like reject the privilege,

Brendon 19:22

You know, but you can't receive anything that doesn't match a judgment, so it's like if you have a judgment, any judgment you have, you can't receive anything that does that that doesn't match it, so that's where we do the rejection.

Rachael 19:37

Totally, totally, and the formation of that personality that you talked about to fit in with your tribe, you know, to fit in with your clan, to fit in with your people. You take on this whole persona so that you can be part of that clan. And the quite if you're out there today, you can just ask this question what judgments have I decided that are me, that are not me, that I actually have created so that I can fit in.

Brendon 20:04

Yeah, and what's right about me, I'm not getting. What's right about me, I'm not getting, and what's right about this, I'm not getting. You know, it's like I and you know, and it it you brought up the thing about recovery, and you know, and a lot of people, you know, the the numbers aren't great when you know people go back into look.

Rachael 20:28

I and and I'm not saying this from any way like condescending or in diminishment uh space, you do require deep support, and and I would say for me, the bars like the this technique that we um we use in Access Consciousness. The first time I had that head running, spinning judgment thing going the whole time, and the first time that I got my bars run, I had this sense of your three-day body facilitator, we talk about the natural peace and space that bodies are. I did not have access to that before the bars.

Brendon 21:10

Oh no, I didn't, yeah. I mean, I get that.

Rachael 21:14

Yeah, just didn't have access to that that peace and that space. And so for me, when I got my bars run and I did actually start to have this peace and space where that I'm gonna say continuous judgment looping of right and wrong going around and around and around, it it was there was so much relief of actually, I don't wow, I don't have to live like this anymore. I can actually live with peace.

Brendon 21:44

I know it's a lot of work. It's a lot of work to judge yourself all the time, you know. Because every judgment you have, you got to stack on more just to prove that that was the right judgment. It's just like Jesus Christ, you know, there is no peace in that.

Rachael 21:58

And and I lived that from time I got out of bed and until I until I fell into bed exhausted and then I started to recognize what I love about the bars is you start to I'm gonna say like you the ignorance to what's true starts to fall away.

Brendon 22:22

Yeah well and if you don't have judgment of it you can see that you can see what's true for you where others can't even begin to imagine you know it's like it's the the thing that's been so helpful for me is you could we we could all stay in our stories you know and and and you can create the perfect reason and justification for wherever you are in your life right now and I totally lived that way

Rachael 22:54

I loved my story too I loved my story

Brendon 22:58

My story my story it's such a good story I want to keep it I want to tell everyone and I want to live that you know and it's just like but eventually you're gonna have to recognize that it's a story you know and for me I I am so grateful that I've taken the path that I've taken because it's gotten me to where I am right now I'm grateful for all of it you know and and all of it yeah every single bit of it but in that it allows me to create a different future

Rachael 23:28

Totally I remember you know when you talk about like the letting go of the story for whatever reason we hoard those points of views like they like we're gonna die without it it's it's a it's a it's a very strange creation I would be like what what am I what am I holding this onto this far I would prefer to control and have predictable pain than actually jump wildly into a pool that I'll be swimming yeah exact exact exactly exactly and so eventually when I when I started to choose what would actually like just being like today driving and I drove through the South Downs and the trees like there's trees these huge trees oak trees like everywhere and I could sense the energy and the contribution they are and the healing that they are for my body and so when I when I started making these choices that would allow me to receive that I am part like this tree is part of me and it's gifted me its energy it it became I slowly started to recognize that as my reality and then it was too big a price to hang on to the story if you know what I mean.

Brendon 24:56

Yeah well but also we we have the idea that we slowly let it in but do we slowly let it in or do we let it in and know it instantaneously and then slowly have to figure out how we knew it because we're fucking we are so fast you know also and the things that stop me the most in my life is the idea that I didn't know that was the that was the biggest lie I ever bought.

Rachael 25:26

Yeah yeah you always know yeah

Brendon 25:29

You always know and it's like and it's but see the the difference between most people and the tree is the tree knows without a doubt it's not alone it knows it's a contribution it knows it's connected it knows it it feeds and it thrives and it it knows

Rachael 25:47

It knows the sun is going to shine it knows that root the roots are going to receive every energy they require for it to grow it's it's just so it isn't it just so beautiful that like I'm so happy that you are alive and well and it it's just it's quite miraculous one of the things that you know Gary asked me years ago did you did it kill you? And I would say that's one of the things that we probably refuse is actually if something didn't kill us we can get over it so fast. What did I learn from this and now what choices have I available you know

Brendon 26:30

And that's they're great questions you know and the thing that I saw you know you mentioned the thing about AA it is I am so grateful it was such a massive contribution in me getting sober but I was I was seeing the same I was seeing people relapse after relapse after relapse after relapse and I was like I I knew the only way for me that I was actually going to um you know create create my life because I knew it was like I said it was either it was either I could have sobriety and a journey of creating me or I could have alcohol I couldn't have them together and but I knew the only way that I was gonna beat it was to create a life that I loved. Create a life that I loved but also create a me that I loved

Rachael 27:24

That's what you just said is key I see people like kill their bodies simply because they hate their lives you know and and we have this question in Access what are you dying to get out of and initially when I when Gary Douglas are I I'm pretty sure it was Dr. Daine Heer asked me the first time you know what are you dying to get out of now I was like my marriage my job

Brendon 27:47

Everything

Rachael 27:50

And then he was like well what if you didn't have to die what if you can just choose something different yeah and it initially it can be daunting when you wake up when you recognize actually the way my life has shown up now has been me that made those choices but actually I made them choices based on somebody else's form and structure of what I'm supposed to do and what I'm supposed to choose instead of what I would like to have.

Brendon 28:19

Yeah and I was really good at that too but I realized I only did that so I could blame them when it didn't work.

Rachael 28:25

Of course of course

Brendon 28:28

Perfect yeah that's that you know becoming the source of your own life and recognizing that you're the only one that can create it you're the only one that can change it you're the only one that that has that that knows what's actually true for you and that that's a that very confronting awareness to have when you've spent your life running away from it.

Rachael 28:51

It takes you know what it takes a lot of courage to really use the tools of Access Consciousness and and what I mean by that is no matter what's shown up in your life the two questions how did I create this and when did I create this and so what you're saying is whatever I am experiencing my life right now my point of view informed the energy so that this shows up in this way and it's so scary but also it's so empowering is whatever point of view you take on that's what you will experience and so for me my life showed up exactly according to the points of views that I had been entrained to and then when I chose different perspectives different points of views everything starts to change so fast.

Brendon 29:42

You mean like discovering miracles daily

Rachael 29:45

Oh in every moment you you change a point of view this this absolutely blows my mind that you change your point of view so you change the way you look at something the way that informs energy and then the way that shows up that comes back to you as the way that you experience life I'm I'm still in total wonder that someone can have a point of view and be in hell I can have a point of view all of life comes to me with ease, joy, and glory yeah and I can have a total different I can experience a total different reality based on what I'm putting into that what I'm putting into that life energy

Brendon 30:30

Yeah yeah and and you know the freedom comes when you recognize that you don't have to go into hell you don't have to go into hell with them to be caring.

Rachael 30:43

Yeah yeah yep

Brendon 30:46

Want to have that you want to have that awareness if you're you know working with addicts and you know people who are struggling is you know for a lot of us we think that being caring is taking ourselves down to the level that somebody else functions as a way of caring for them. And it's like in the the thing that was so empowering for me was nobody came in there with me you know and I I man I cannot tell you for at least six months the wrestle I had with myself well

Rachael 31:19

Um I have a saying here in our house Troy loves it it's I call it a point of view punch out day you know the day where there's a lot and the first few days of recovery is like the points of views are like punch in punch in punch in you gotta keep getting up again it's it really is like never give up never give in never quit all of the things that you've been taking the alcohol to suppress the points of views that you've bought into are once you take that away they're gonna they're gonna erupt and then and they're coming the thing about it is they're coming up to be washed away by consciousness because they're not true. And it and it takes someone with a lot of strength and I would say a willingness to actually have their life to to you've got to be willing to create your life in a different way if you're going to enjoy being alive.

Brendon 32:15

Yeah and it's like you know another great question is and you're gonna you're gonna hate asking this when you feel like a piece of shit but what's the beautiful energy underneath this and it's like because what I've learned with myself but also facilitated with a lot of other people is those areas that you think are unchangeable when you get underneath those the gift in it is well worth what it takes to change it.

Rachael 32:46

Totally I am gonna say that I had places that I truly bought that were unchangeable unalterable you would have seen me getting my ass to classes and just being like whatever it takes I'll just keep going until yeah I just keep showing up never give up never give in never quit and then it would change and there would be this like beautiful part of me that I'd completely given up and because it was too much joy or too much happy or you're not allowed to have that much fun. The parts of me that I had hidden dynamically were the parts of me that was this like I'm gonna say like wild playful joyful energy that was just not acceptable because it was too it was just too much you know

Brendon 33:35

Yeah and to watch you grow into that is a beautiful thing also

Rachael 33:40

Thank you so much thanks so much it's like the flowers behind you isn't it the beautiful celebration of their color

Brendon 33:48

Orchids the El Lugar orchids

Rachael 33:50

They're beautiful they're absolutely stunning

Brendon 33:54

I like beautiful things you know what can I say

Rachael 33:57

Yeah that's that's why you're living in El Lugar guys if you haven't heard of El Lugar it is a resort that Gary Douglas and Dain Heer um built in Costa Rica it off I'm so happy that you're here Brendon because I really get that it gives you the space to the whatever the vibration is of the earth there it heals your body it gifts your I I've never had anything like it anywhere else in the world

Brendon 34:28

Yeah and it's a it's a place of magic you know there was this young girl that came with her father and she walked around and she said daddy this is the place of fairies

Rachael 34:38

It is it actually

Brendon 34:40

Yeah and it's just it's it's a beautiful thing and you know I remember reading that book 15 years ago The Place by Gary Douglas and and I was like I what I want to have this you know I want to have this as our world and I want to have this as my life and it's interesting to you know be here contributing to what this place is becoming you know watching like you watch people going around on a horse and carriage you know ride throughout the property and they just like grin from ear to ear it's beautiful and it's

Rachael 35:15

I I was like that I I sat up in the they've been a horse and carriage like you see in the 30s.

Brendon 35:20

Yeah

Rachael 35:21

And I sat up I sat up and it and my face just immediately that yeah and the sound of the carriage it it just brings something very different and you can't help but be happy and start smiling when you're when you're on it it's just it's so beautiful.

Brendon 35:38

Well it it's it's for me it's it reminds me of who I am

Rachael 35:44

Yeah yeah and the joy and the and the beauty yeah

Brendon 35:48

And the peace

Rachael 35:51

The for me the peace that the peace when I finally got that I am that peace because one of the things I had bought that I was the insanity that I grew up around and and I remember I remember finally recognizing this this insanity is not me. Like this this actually this peace this peace is me. And for those of us that are extremely aware and if you're not acknowledging your which is what was going on for both of us you're not acknowledging that you're aware of the insanity you can you can have the point of view that what you're receiving is you just ask is this me is this right for me and so the peace now for me is non-negotiable it is something that I thrive on and also what you're capable of creating and contributing expands so much more when I have that speech when I have that pain that peace and space what I can contribute and what I can give to the world just it just becomes so much greater.

Brendon 37:01

Yeah yeah I

Brendon 37:04 Rachael 37:04

I would I I would say the big message from today is no matter how bad things get or no matter how much pain that you experience that there's always hope and there's always a way out of it to create something greater and and really you are a massive inspiration.

Brendon 37:27

Thank you well you know I liked um I used to hear people say this in AA is you hit rock bottom when you stop digging

Rachael 37:36

Yeah yeah

Brendon 37:37

And that that's been for me is like I just stopped digging I stopped digging downwards yeah you know I stopped looking for all the wrong I just I I and and and but here's the thing like I was talking with somebody yesterday who'd been really struggling and I'm like this change might not feel good for a while you know you might be really uncomfortable it might feel like absolute shit okay you know so so but if you're one of the things I know and and this man this has been true for me is if you are going to change your life oh whatever the it has to feel like you know it has to feel like it's like okay be present with it yeah recognize that it doesn't it doesn't have to look a certain way it it change shows up the way that change shows up and when you're willing to have it show up anyway anything becomes possible

Rachael 38:37

And the beauty once you know that you can that you're okay and you will move beyond those moments you get you get stronger and stronger and stronger you know don't you you you're like of course I can move through this I've moved through much more challenging things than this you know um so we hope this conversation contributes to you I'll put Brendon's um website at the end of the show notes so that you can check him out are you facilitating classes around the world at the moment what's next for Brendon

Brendon 39:15

I'm going to the Ranch this month in Texas to do a three-day body class uh and then I don't have I've got some different things online but I don't have a lot on my schedule because I'm um I'm contributing to this place getting up and running at the moment and doing some different things so you know I'm just doing stuff a little different.

Rachael 39:40

Yeah are you enjoying being there

Brendon 39:45

Yeah I love it

Rachael 39:47

Yeah what if you could actually enjoy being alive that's beautiful

Brendon 39:52

Totally and if you're not that might be you might want to get you know see what that would take for you yeah I can do it fucking anyone can that's my point of view

Rachael 40:05

Totally totally if we can do it anyone can it does take a lot of courage and a lot of honesty with yourself and a willingness to actually receive the insanity that um that that I was choosing because I I don't I choose to be insane sometimes in judging myself but as far as behaviors that are destructive to myself they've mostly you know

Brendon 40:31

I'm just I'm I'm still insane I'm just not destructive

Rachael 40:35

Yeah yeah there we go so thanks for being here thanks for being my friend and

Brendon 40:43

Welcome thank you

Rachael 40:44

Oh yeah I adore you thanks everyone we hope thanks everyone we hope the conversation contributes to you and check out www.accessconsciousness.com and all the tools and everything there to support you to change anything you've decided is unchangeable thanks Brend

Brendon 41:04

Thank you Rachel

Rachael 41:05

bye

Brendon 41:06

bye