Fostering, Love, and Stability in 'However Long Forever' with Steve & Courtney Cohen

Listen to today's episode, " Fostering, Love, and Stability in 'However Long Forever' with Steve & Courtney Cohen" as Entrepreneurs, Authors, and parents  Steve & Courtney Cohen join Dori Durbin. Steve & Courtney also share:

• About "However Long Forever"
• Transient nature of fostering
• Omari the Orca
• Reunification, sacrifice, and healing
• Fostering experiences
• Reading of "However Long Forever"
• Future book plans
• How to find them

Did you love this episode? Discover more here:
 https://thepowerofkidsbooks.buzzsprout.com

More about Steve
"A life lived from LIES to LOVE…
Whether teaching, writing, or being a husband and father, I approach life with ardent intensity, calling God’s design and desire out of others. But it wasn’t always that way.

As an atheist for 20+ years, I debated the existence of the very God I love today with that same passion and intensity. I searched for a solution to the unceasing, unquenchable desire for something greater than me. I explored multiple religions and cultures only to be temporarily satisfied. Ultimately, I was left lacking true hope or understanding of who I was. I know now that God continued to pursue me, saving me from myself.

In 2002, I experienced complete love and the true fulfillment of my longing for more. This deep satisfaction was achieved when I surrendered myself, my desires, my will, and my pride to The Savior, Jesus Christ.

Shortly after God revealed His desire for me to share with the world that we are never too lost to be found. This is the heart of Now Found Ministries: that you would know and be known by your Creator, Savior, and Counselor, and that you would experience His undying love for you."

Buy their books:
https://amzn.to/3XpTkMs

Follow Steve & Courney:
https://nowfound.org

More about Dori Durbin:
Dori Durbin is a Christian wife, mom, author, illustrator, and a kids’ book coach who after experiencing a life-changing illness, quickly switched gears to follow her dream. She creates kids’ books to provide a fun and safe passageway for kids and parents to dig deeper and experience empowered lives. Dori also coaches non-fiction authors and aspiring authors to “kid-size” their content into informational and engaging kids’ books!
 
Buy Dori's Kids' Books:
https://www.amazon.com/stores/Dori-Durbin/author/B087BFC2KZ

Follow Dori
http://instagram.com/dori_durbin
http://www.doridurbin.com
http://www.facebook.com/dori_durbin
email: hello@doridurbin.com

Welcome to the Power of Kids' Books podcast hosted by Dori Durbin... where we believe kids' books are a catalyst for empowering and inspiring change!

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Transcript

[00:00:00.490] - Dori Durbin
Choosing to become a foster parent is a really big decision. Not only could you potentially be adding a child to your current family, but you also could be removing that child again. And the goal really is reunification, but the process and the attachments are very strong. So when Steve and Courtney Cohen wrote their book, "However Long Forever", it was written with that same heartfelt sentiment, the desire to take someone in and show them how much you care about them, as well as caring enough to let them go. I know you'll enjoy hearing their story, so let's listen in.

[00:00:36.800] - Dori Durbin
Hello, and welcome to the Power of Kids Book podcast, where we believe kids books are a catalyst for inspiring and empowering change. I'd like to welcome Steve and Courtney Cohen. They are the owners and operators of now Found ministry, publishing and apparel, as well as authors of over eleven books, including three children's books. Today we are talking about however along forever. So welcome. Steven and courtney.

[00:01:04.990] - Steve Cohen
Thank you.

[00:01:05.640] - Courtney Cohen
Thanks for having us.

[00:01:06.410] - Steve Cohen
We're honored to be here.

[00:01:07.800] - Dori Durbin
Thank you for coming. And I would love to hear this is your third book, "However Long Forever". Tell me all about it. Tell me what it's about and who it's for.

 [00:01:19.610] - Steve Cohen
All right. So this was an unexpected as you said, this is our third. So we had two other books that were given to us by God. And one night, again, about 10:00 at night, this one came to me again, god just kind of showed up and said, hey, you want another poem? And say, absolutely, let's look at that. And what it really does is it fills in what ended up being a hole in this journey towards family through foster care and adoption. This is really for our foster families because we're not promised tomorrow. The title really lends to that, that however long we have you, we're going to love you forever. That's really where this came from. And it's for all the families that aren't sure that their foster care journey is going to end in adoption, like in some of the other book, or in the other books that we have where adoption was the end goal or maybe the final destination there. This one really is for those people who may not be adoption minded, but may just be willing to give up their home, give up their comfort to find a great place for a kiddo.

 [00:02:33.170] - Dori Durbin
I would think fostering adopting is very difficult because it's a permanent situation. Fostering in my non experience, it seems like a lot of times there's a lot more transient movement with the kids. Is that true?

 [00:02:47.660] - Steve Cohen
Absolutely. You'll actually see foster children actually show up with trash bags. That's what they have. They don't have luggage. They typically show up with trash bags. So the transient nature of it is it's heartbreaking to see when they just show up and that's all they have, or they show up and they don't have anything at all. That makes it maybe even tougher.

[00:03:08.590] - Courtney Cohen
Yeah. I mean, just the nature of why kiddos get put into the system. It's not like they have a lot of notice to gather up their things. They are just stripped away from their home and perhaps everything familiar in a moment. And maybe they can grab that favorite teddy bear, maybe they can grab a pair of shoes, maybe not. And then somebody at the maybe their Casa worker or the case worker gives them an extra jacket or something, and they pick things up along the way. And these items start to carry really great meaning for them because that's all they have, quite literally. So it is the job and it's the privilege of the foster family to create a space and to provide the things that this kid needs. And when they're old enough to make choices of their own, if they're three, four, or five, what color shirt do you want? That's a big deal for them to get, to pick out what they get to wear to school. And it's so important to give them voice as often as they can.

 [00:04:19.010] - Dori Durbin
Yeah. So your characters in this book, I think there was Omari the orca and dolphins. How did they tie into your book? I think it's a really neat idea.

 [00:04:30.630] - Steve Cohen
So the idea came I don't even remember how the idea came up, but it's one of those little tidbits of knowledge that stuck in the back of my brain somewhere that orcas are actually also known as killer whales are actually dolphins. So what we wanted to make sure is that even though we look different, even though we may be shaped different, we may have different personalities or thought processes or beliefs or whatever it is, that they're still part of the same family. Right. An orca is a dolphin. And there's actually even one of the pages in the book where it talks about that you may not think that we're the same, but we're a whole lot more similar than you might think. That's not the exact words. I may actually have to read that page a little bit later. But yeah, it creates this family. It creates unity even in the differences.

 [00:05:21.930] - Courtney Cohen
One of my favorite pages towards the end is just in the artistry, where you can see they're all doing backflips in the ocean. I think that's the text you're talking about is, we're more alike than you can imagine, and they're all just playing around in the water, and they're just doing what dolphins do and what orcas do just in the ocean. So, yeah, there's differences. They might look different, their size is a little different, but there are intrinsic similarities that if you're fostering or even we thought this would be a good book for blended families that are coming together where one parent comes. With a couple of kids and the other one, and it's a Brady Bunch situation, and you've got to learn how to interact with each other. You have your own culture, you have your own traditions and you've got to figure out how to blend it all. And that can be true of foster care or blended families or in so many different situations.

 [00:06:16.820] - Dori Durbin
That's interesting too. I think in your description of the book you use the words sacrifice, healing and reunification. And I thought those are really interesting words to pick. So maybe you can explain those just a little bit.

 [00:06:31.870] - Courtney Cohen
I'd love to talk about reunification for a second because a lot of times when people consider fostering, in most cases that we've encountered, it seems like they are wanting to foster with the goal of adoption. And that's great, that's wonderful. That lets them know what your heart is and what your intent is. But one thing that if you have good training that you have to go through, they're going to really pound it into your head that the goal of foster care is reunification. So the goal is to reunite that child with their biological family. And so this is giving time and space for those parents to take care of the things that they need to take care of and put their ducks in a row so that they can safe space. Because ideally the best situation is to be with your biological family. Sometimes that's not the safest situation. Sometimes those parents are not equipped maybe mentally or financially or physically. There can be so many different reasons why it's just not the best or safest situation. And so that's when adoption can come into play. But as a foster family, you've got to be willing and supportive even for that process of reunification and to honor their family, even if their family members you know all the dirt on them.

 [00:07:53.930] - Courtney Cohen
And you probably will learn it to always speak well in front of that child, of their parents, to always honor them in any way you possibly can because that kid is from that parent, from those parents. And so you've got a lot of identity issues where you can build that child up or you can tear them down just simply based on how you treat their family.

 [00:08:19.390] - Steve Cohen
If you get caught in the political or your own hurt and this is where the sacrifice comes in as we're sacrificing ourselves. And if we get caught up in our own emotions, that can actually hurt the child because we may be offended or we may be hurt by maybe something the parents do or we may not agree with the parents, or if the parents aren't doing what they've been asked to do by the courts, we may get frustrated. But when we really get caught up in that and we show that to the children, that child is a part or those parents are a part of that child and then the child starts doubting basically feeling well, do they feel the same way about me too? So the sacrifice is sacrificing our heart, our emotions, our thought processes, and we need to just put that, just encourage, encourage, encourage. And then we talked about healing. There's a really cool part in the book. And these are little, again, tidbits of information. People may or may not know, but in the wild, you'll see orcas and their dorsal fin is straight up. I was watching a documentary, actually, just last week, and it talked about this large orca with a five foot dorsal fin literally standing 5ft off the back, which incredibly tall.

 [00:09:40.820] - Steve Cohen
And then we've probably seen pictures of an orco with a dorsal fin that's bent over. What a lot of people don't know is once that dorsal fin has bent, it cannot be resurrected, it cannot be rehealed or put back vertical. It's kind of like a cartilage, like a nose or whatnot that once it's bent over, it doesn't go back straight. And in the book, this is kind of the miraculous healing portion of it. And it's really indicative of the heart of the child is at the beginning, we see the dorsal fin. In one of the maps, you see the dorsal fin is erect, but you see at the beginning of the book, it's bent over. And there's this map that kind of shows Amari's journey through the ocean, which is symbolic of the life story. And at one point, all of a sudden, the next image of her has a bent over dorsal fin. But once we get to the very end, that dorsal fin is straight up again. And it's really indicative of the heart, not the physical dorsal fin. Yes, physical healing can actually happen. It will happen. But this is really more about the heart.

 [00:10:49.970] - Steve Cohen
We're trying to give solidarity, give a foundation of love for these kiddos who have had the rug pulled out from underneath them.

 [00:10:58.850] - Dori Durbin
That's going to be really tough, a really tough thing for parents, any parent to do, much less a parent who is a foster parent in that situation.

 [00:11:07.910] - Courtney Cohen
It's tough, but it's also really rewarding our first foster child. And just because of honoring her story, we can't give a whole lot of particulars, but she was one, she had been through some difficult stuff, and she came to us with physical wounds. And she also came to us with really like her eyes looked dead. This is a one year old.

 [00:11:28.700] - Steve Cohen
They were glazed over. Really not engaging.

 [00:11:32.530] - Courtney Cohen
Yeah, she was just very zoned out for most of the time. And there were certain very normal tasks that she found completely traumatizing. And other times she was just very lethargic and just like lying down, not energetic, like a normal one year old. And we had her for four months, and it was really amazing. The physical wounds healed up within the first week or two, which was fantastic. But then it was the emotional wounds that we got to see heal over the next couple of months so that when we sent her and she was reunified with a healthy situation that she had that light on in her eyes. She left us with bright eyes. We actually had we put on some hip hop like an hour before the case worker got there. And we were dancing. She's shaking her little booty in the living room. And she was so happy. And so there's something that it's hard, but I'm tearing up now, like thinking of that moment and just those final weeks we had with her where we got to see that light turn on was so powerful, so special, and worth.

 [00:12:42.520] - Steve Cohen
Every bit of heartache as she walked out the door. Yes, it hurts. Yes, it's difficult, but that's part of that sacrifice that we have to be willing to give up a little heartache to give a great place or a healthy home, a safe place for these kiddos to turn their lights back on, I guess, is a great way.

 [00:13:07.610] - Dori Durbin
Awesome. Well, do you mind reading us a little bit of your book?

 [00:13:12.350] - Steve Cohen
I'd love to. So we will start off at the beginning of the book, and then we'll kind of go towards the end of it. Here we go. 

When one day you wonder when you'll be home. No. God brought you here and you're never alone. We may not be the family you hope for, but we will do our best. We hope in our home you will find peace, joy, hope, God's love and rest. Our prayers are for healing, a hope filled endeavor no matter what tomorrow brings. We'll love you for however long, forever.

 [00:13:49.770] - Dori Durbin
Very nice. And that just speaks volumes, really, because it goes right back to what you were saying about the sacrifice, the healing, the reunification piece of things.

 [00:14:00.590] - Steve Cohen
Yeah. We just don't know how long it's going to last. And it could be a day or two. As Courtney was talking about, with respite care, if there's an opportunity for respite care where you can come in and foster care world, foster parent help and a great way to do this, I think talked about it in another interview where we talk about respite care and opportunities. It's really a way to see if this is right for you, if it's burning on your heart, if it's something that you have this desire or your heart is breaking. For these kiddos, even respite care would be a great way to do it. And even in respite care, having this book, okay, I don't know how long I'm going to have you. I may have you for a weekend. I may have you for a couple of hours while the foster parents go on a date that they haven't had for three months. Type deal, right. So these books are great for all those different situations.

[00:15:04.140] - Dori Durbin
Do you have any future plans for future books that are just calling in the back of your mind or your heart right now?

 [00:15:11.010] - Courtney Cohen
So we've got two that are in different stages of development. So I'll let you tell about similarly.

 [00:15:22.030] - Steve Cohen
So, Courtney is not a huge fan of the tongue twister of Similarly Unique.

[00:15:26.150] - Courtney Cohen
Yeah, working title.

[00:15:28.890] - Steve Cohen
I'm sold on the title. But in Similarly Unique, we really start concentrating. And again, it's a poem form. It's going to be based on the same land fombly that we have the rest of the characters in all based on characters in our daughter's bedroom. But this is really concentrating on in our uniqueness, we are all created in how God desired it. He dreamt of us before the beginning of the world, before formation, and we're all unique in that. However, we're all image bearers, so we're all very unique, but we're all also very similar. And when we start getting beyond ourselves and we start looking at other people and trying to find the similarities, instead of concentrating on the uniqueness, we can start uniting around causes, even if our political stances are different, even if our colors are different, even if our accents are different. Right. That works well. That goes all of our books minister to and really speak to hearts of all ages. But that one really allows parents and children alike to walk through some hard things. Our world is such a divided place right now, and our heart behind that one, the heart that God kind of put on my heart for that book was really uniting in such a divided world right now.

 [00:16:55.590] - Courtney Cohen
The other book that is still in manuscript mode, our oldest daughter brought downstairs. So I've had a poem and Steve's had a couple three now. And so our oldest daughter has crafted one that's really beautiful and we've worked on it as a family. And it just comes from the perspective of the sibling as they are welcoming a new family member. And it can apply to just a new baby's coming home or it's mostly focused on the challenges that come along with foster siblings or adoptive siblings.

 [00:17:35.410] - Steve Cohen
And blended marriages.

 [00:17:36.810] - Courtney Cohen
Yeah, blended families. And there's so many applications for it where this particular character is sharing their difficult emotions and the conflicting emotions. I'm so excited. Yes, I get a little sibling. I'm so excited. Just that thrill and then reality kind of sets in that this is hard. And it's heartbreaking for the siblings, too, that it's not just a difficult emotional thing for the parents, but it involves every member of the family. So it's a beautiful beginning to the manuscript. And we're excited to get that into storyboard as soon as we can.

 [00:18:17.950] - Dori Durbin
That sounds like a perfect book for kids as well. I can almost see this series of books from you guys on the shelf. And start here. Go here, read this next one. Which is great. It's great. I think that's the fun thing about being an author, too, isn't it? You get these ideas and start to see purpose for your books.

 [00:18:37.970] - Courtney Cohen
Exactly.

 [00:18:38.760] - Steve Cohen
Absolutely.

 [00:18:39.370] - Courtney Cohen
I keep finding with writing that I write one book and one little seed from that book just bursts into another larger concept that becomes a book and it just kind of continues on.

 [00:18:50.560] - Steve Cohen
It's kind of fun. In however long, forever. We have Amari, and Amari was first introduced in our book" Loved as You Are", she's out swimming in the oceans in the scenes. So those are some of the we talked about Easter eggs in one of our other interviews or one of our other podcasts, and that may be one of them to look for other animals that you might see cross across different books in different places.

 [00:19:15.090] - Dori Durbin
So you're saying we can predict the next character is what you're saying.

 [00:19:18.660] - Steve Cohen
Quite possibly. If you look hard enough, you might find what our next book is going to be based on.

 [00:19:25.090] - Courtney Cohen
You can definitely place a good guess at the very least.

 [00:19:28.870] - Dori Durbin
That's great. Well, I know our listeners are going to want to find these books. So where's the best place to find you?

 [00:19:35.270] - Courtney Cohen
Best place to find us is nowfound. So nowfound.org and we've got all our books available there, as well as our apparel and ministry resources. So we'd love to have you check it out.

 [00:19:53.790] - Steve Cohen
We do actually have coloring pages as well as a resource for two of our books. And we're working on the coloring pages for however long, forever. And those are a free resource. You can download them off the website absolutely free and just have fun time coloring. And it gives another one of those tools or resources to sit there and just have fun with your kiddos.

 [00:20:13.180] - Dori Durbin
Fantastic. Well, thank you both for sharing and I am excited for people to find you.

[00:20:19.040] - Courtney Cohen
Thank you. It has been amazing to talk with you today.

[00:20:22.130] - Dori Durbin
Thank you. And you. Thank you both.