Let's Be Honest, Different Kids Need Different Parenting, EP 165

What if the parenting advice that works beautifully for one child simply isn’t what another child needs?

In this solo episode of That’s Good Parenting, children's book illustrator, coach, and podcaster, Dori Durbin explores why hearing different parenting experts can be so valuable.

Children aren’t identical. Even siblings raised in the same home can experience the world in completely different ways. 

That difference matters.

Instead of treating every parenting strategy as one more thing you “should” be doing, Dori encourages you to listen for the ideas that fit your child, your family, and this particular season of parenting.

She also explains why this same idea guides her work helping parenting experts “kid-size” their expertise into children’s books—turning big concepts like emotional regulation, confidence, anxiety, and communication into stories children can understand, remember, and return to.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

•  Why similar parenting topics are worth revisiting from different perspectives 
•  How siblings can experience the same family very differently 
•  Why no single parenting expert will have the answer for every child 
•  A healthier way to listen to parenting advice without adding more pressure 
•  How stories can make big parenting concepts accessible to children 
•  Why finding one idea that truly connects may be more helpful than trying to do everything 

You don’t need every strategy.

Sometimes you simply need the right idea, from the right person, at the right time.

About Dori Durbin
Dori Durbin is a children’s book illustrator, book coach, and host of the That’s Good Parenting podcast.

She helps parenting experts and family-focused professionals kid-size their big concepts into children’s books so families can continue learning important expert content long after a podcast episode, coaching session, or conversation ends.

https://www.doridurbin.com

Would you like to help shape future resources for kids and families?
The That’s Good Parenting Club is completely free and gives you a behind-the-scenes opportunity to participate as children’s books and parenting resources are being developed.

You may be invited to share your opinion on story ideas, concepts, characters, titles, covers, illustrations, reader reactions, and other decisions before publication.

Join and participate for free:

https://club.thatsgoodparenting.com/club

Intro for TDP (version 2)

Transcript

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Dori Durbin:

[00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to That's Good Parenting, the podcast where we search for simple steps to reduce your parenting stress. I'm your host, Dorrie Durbin, children's book illustrator, book coach, and podcaster. I help parenting experts take their biggest ideas and concise them into children's books that families can continue learning and using long after this podcast ends.

One thing I've learned since becoming a podcast host is just how complex family relationships really can be. Every family has its own dynamics, and even within the same family, every child is such an individual. When I first started podcasting, I actually worried about bringing on experts who talked about some of the same topics.

I would think, "Have we already talked about this? Do parents really need another conversation about communication, emotions, behavior, anxiety, connection, or the other challenges that comes with raising kids?" But the longer I've been doing this, the more I realize that the simple answer is yes, because we aren't [00:01:00] raising identical kids, and there isn't just one parenting expert who is going to have all the answers for every child.

One expert may explain something in a way that really connects with you, and another may look at the same challenge from a completely different angle and that different perspectives might be exactly what helps you understand what's going on with your child. That's one of the things I really enjoy about bringing different experts into That's Good Parenting.

They don't all have to agree on every detail. They don't all need to approach parenting in exactly the same way. In fact, I think there's value in having differences. Your job as a parent isn't to collect every single parenting strategy and use every single one of them.

It's really to listen and ask, "Does this sound like my child? Could this help my family? Is there something here that I really want to try?" And if the answer's no, hey, that's okay. Maybe that particular expert isn't the expert you need right now, but another one might [00:02:00] be.

Okay, so here's a good example. It's not related to experts, it's related to just family being together

Our family has always liked playing board games, and even in something as simple as that, our kids' personalities came out in completely different ways. One child loved just the time to hang out, be silly, say funny things, and connect with everyone. The other one, they were there to win, crush,

walk away completely victorious. And after the whooping occurred, most of us were ready to stop playing. But the child that enjoyed winning really wasn't ready to stop. The child that enjoyed connecting had used up all the energy entertaining and now was exhausted.

If you know my kids, you probably figured out who was who,,

and I love this example because we're all doing the exact same thing together as a family, but our kids were getting something completely different out of the experience. One was there for connection, one was [00:03:00] for competition. Neither was wrong, they were just different. I think parenting is a lot like that.

Two kids can grow up in the same house with the same parents, having many of the same experiences, and still experience the world very, very differently. So it makes sense that they may not respond to the same advice, the same strategies, or even the same experts in the same way. And honestly, this idea is also a big part of why I do the work I do with the experts. Sometimes an expert has an incredible message for parents, but kids need that same idea explained in a way that they can understand and connect with, and that's where the kid sizing comes in. A child may not sit down and listen to a long conversation about emotional regulation, confidence, anxiety, communication, or any other big parenting topic.

But they may connect deeply with a character who is struggling with something that feels very, very similar and familiar to them. They may understand the idea better through a story. They'll remember it because [00:04:00] they saw themselves in the character, and they'll be able to come back to that book again and again when they need it.

So whether you're hearing the expert here on the podcast or reading one of those ideas with your child in a book, the goal really is the same: finding the message and the delivery that helps your child. I think sometimes as parents, we hear advice and immediately wonder, "Am I also supposed to be doing this?"

And I want this podcast to feel different from that. I don't want every expert you hear to become another thing you're supposed to do. I want the conversations to give you options. Maybe you hear one sentence that makes you look at something different, or you discover one strategy you had never considered, or an expert helps put words around something that you've been struggling with but haven't quite known how to explain.

Maybe you hear an episode and realize, "That's not really what my family needs," and that's okay because that's good, useful information, too. Sometimes finding that one thing and hearing it from that one person is [00:05:00] all that you need. So when you listen to the experts on That's Good Parenting, you don't have to feel like you take every single thing in and somehow make it yours. Instead, listen for what connects. The experts are simply the people who help you see your child in a way that feels more clear. And I'd say that's a pretty good reason to keep listening. 

 And if you can take that information and apply it whenever it seems to fit your child, you can step back and at the end of the day you can look back and say, "Now that, that was good parenting." Talk to you soon..