S6 Ep.#16- Milkshakes & Tears

The Crew Talks About Freshman Orientation, Milkshakes, Grazing Food In A Store, Stealing, Solsbury Steaks, And Other Nonsense. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:36

I don't know. It's the stupid guy thing that we made.

SPEAKER_03 0:38

Welcome to fucking Fraggle Rock.

SPEAKER_04 0:42

The piano is fucking out of tune by the way. It's like we were in a Persian dance club. I don't that was one they made for us. Sorry about the mic. I didn't make that noise. Hey, welcome to the show. I'm hanging out with Jeff. Boo. Kate.

unknown 0:54

Hi.

SPEAKER_04 0:57

And Ronnie. Hello, hello. Hi. I called him Steven today. I was like, that's not even close. No. Charles, yeah, that's what it was. I was like, what's up? Hey, Chuck. How's it going? Chucky. Uh, that's not Don. All right. This is um beautiful day. Start with the weather. It is beautiful, though. Look at this shit, dude. Garage is open. First time of the year with the garage open. Spring is in the air. It's not, though. Smell it. Did you just why? What the fuck are you doing? Smell in the spring. It's fucking February shit, Dick. Yeah, but spring is in the air. Yeah, but everything is.

SPEAKER_03 1:41

Even March isn't spring. It's April.

SPEAKER_04 1:45

You hear the birds? Yeah. Yeah. It's beautiful. Cheep, cheap. Cheap cheap. So last night we went to Vinny's little freshman orientation thing. Yeah, I like how you put shit in air quotes that you're going to shit on immediately, by the way. Well, no, no, no, no. You do no, I've noticed this by the No no. You go, it's Okay, the viewers or the listeners can't see because they're not viewers, but you go, we went to, and then you air quote, like, and you don't do it up top, you do it down low.

SPEAKER_03 2:12

You do it every time, and then you're like, I'm gonna shit on this really hard.

SPEAKER_05 2:15

It's not as yeah, it was pretty weird. First off, I thought it was just we got an email saying you go check out, you can meet the teachers, and we figured you just kind of cruise around campus. So you get a little buzz and go. Let's go just cruise around. Just a little one. Not bad. But uh I show up, dude, and it's like there's kids everywhere, dude. Like it's high school.

SPEAKER_04 2:44

Welcome, welcome to the fucking program and all this. So it's high school. We had to go into this. Oh, you mean the pre uh uh students that are already there? Yeah, yeah. So they must be part of like the uh what do you what's the fucking the president kit club or something like that? Yeah, whatever. The the fucking go-getters that you want to give a swirly to and punch. They all have like neon shows.

SPEAKER_03 3:02

You're like, get away from me, Trevor.

SPEAKER_04 3:04

So you go in and you have to sit in the bleachers and watch a whole program first. I'm like, I wasn't prepared.

SPEAKER_02 3:10

It's like a pepic.

SPEAKER_04 3:12

It's like it's like a pep rally. Say hi, Kate.

SPEAKER_02 3:17

I think my I think my mind.

SPEAKER_04 3:19

There you go. Talk right into that thing. Hello. Yeah, see. Hello. Hello, hello, hello. Hello. What number are you? Three. I don't know. I think that's better. Okay. So we go into this pep rally thing, and now I've got spirit. Yes, I do. Totally, dude. Like totally. What what high school are you sending them to? Bretch. Bretch. Okay. So we get in, Vinny's got like a little group of about four alpaca heads. Alpacas.

SPEAKER_03 3:49

A pack of a pack of alpaca heads.

SPEAKER_04 3:52

And then they just kept coming and coming. And next thing you know, they've got about 15 friends. Oh, the homies. And I'm getting all smashed and they're like, dude, what's uh fucking working? Yeah, yeah. He's already principal's already looking at Vincent. Yeah, I know. I'm like, dude. But at the end of the There's the problem, kid, right there. I don't even really with the long ass neck.

SPEAKER_03 4:15

I see him. See the long neck kid. Yeah, that one.

SPEAKER_04 4:20

I didn't even care. At first I said, Yeah, pay attention. They're trying to, and then it's like, fuck it. I can't even understand that the speakers were weird. And I'm like, they start the happy hands club. They well, we we'll get there.

SPEAKER_05 4:33

So we go, listen to this shit for about 25 minutes.

SPEAKER_04 4:37

They bring out the cheerleaders to do some bit and then they bring out the the marching band, and they were awesome. I gotta say, man.

SPEAKER_03 4:47

Like drum drum line and everything like that.

SPEAKER_04 4:50

The whole fucking thing, dude. They came out in a big circle and just drums at first. Yeah. And then it turned into I thought it was really cool. They sounded way better than I thought they would. Than your height, than your height. Yeah. So they did a whole thing and then they march out. We're like, okay, let's get the hell out of here.

SPEAKER_05 5:11

And then the nope, you gotta listen to the superior fucking dude. You listen to the principal.

SPEAKER_04 5:17

Wait, wait, wait. There's nothing stopping you from leaving.

SPEAKER_05 5:21

Well, you can't.

SPEAKER_04 5:22

Yes, you can. No, they kind of block the doors, too. It was weird. Well, like the Potter's house when they chain the door and shit. Yep.

SPEAKER_03 5:29

No.

SPEAKER_04 5:30

Stand the fuck up. Well, I'm so lean this shit now.

SPEAKER_03 5:33

I've been pardon me. Did you give everybody a frontie as you leave? Pardon me, excuse me, excuse me. Yeah, you like what you see? Pardon me, excuse me, excuse me.

SPEAKER_04 5:40

But nothing was really open until the they did this. Okay. You had to do this, and then now you guys can go explore. No, you could have left. I know. I should have put. Figured this shit out in life. Watch. Dude, yeah, what were they gonna do? Next time stand up and fucking leave. I can't just make him an asshole before I even who? Vinny.

SPEAKER_03 5:59

He's not you sit your little fucking gay ass down. I'm leaving. Where am I gonna go? Not in there.

SPEAKER_04 6:08

I said it wasn't that bad after a while.

SPEAKER_03 6:11

Yeah, but then we it's like dude, it's I've been to Freya's shit. It's fucking torture. Oh, it is they say the same shit. Nine uh, you know, really proud of school and all the faculty. Mr. Stevenson's coming back for another year. Oh my god. And it's like fuck off, dude.

SPEAKER_05 6:27

Were you there? It's just like that. I think Mr. Stevenson was it was like Stevenson.

SPEAKER_04 6:34

Oh no, but it was Mr. Stevenson on mine. It was Mr. Mrs. Stevenson on yours.

SPEAKER_05 6:38

Well, once it was so echoey and weird. I'm just like uh Yeah, it sucks.

SPEAKER_04 6:43

So we end up getting out of there finally, and you got released.

SPEAKER_05 6:48

So now you go to the next gym and they have all the sports. Yeah. So he runs over the baseball table. He knows the coaches, so he hey, how's it going?

SPEAKER_04 6:57

Is he gonna is he gonna sign up for basketball too? He signed up for basketball. He's playing right now.

SPEAKER_05 7:04

They're losing 34 to 22. So I just got the update from him. But no, he's been doing better in basketball, but yeah, he signed up for that.

SPEAKER_04 7:12

He's not a basketball player, he's a baseball player. And then he goes, I think they give you free hoodies if you sign up for football. And I'm like, Sign up for football, dude. That's a fucking merch table. He could be dude, three sports, dude. So he signed up for football.

SPEAKER_05 7:26

Nice. Goes up to the football coach. He's like, Do I get one of those hoodies if I sign up or something? And they're like, No, those are for sale. But you can sign up for football. What's your name? Vinny goes, uh Steven. Vinny. And he goes, What do you don't know your name?

SPEAKER_04 7:42

You have to think about it. I'm like, yes. Fucking football coach, dude. Yeah, I like that guy. Like, don't go, uh, Vinny, you know.

SPEAKER_05 7:50

Uh what?

SPEAKER_04 7:51

So go up there with confidence. That's what I told him before we got in. You know, you gotta meet these coaches. With his long ass neck, he'd be like a sweet cornerback, dude. I told him he'd be a tryouts, or is it just like you sign up and you're on the well you sign up, but you try out, and you in high school you can get cut like a motherfucker. Oh yeah. Or or no, you you go, you're just on J V and then you're on J V.

SPEAKER_05 8:12

Not for football. The football is JV or varsity. Yeah. But baseball's got a fresh team.

SPEAKER_04 8:15

No, I know, but I'm talking about football.

SPEAKER_05 8:17

I try to get him to play tennis.

SPEAKER_04 8:19

No, you know what you should get him to do? Golf, dude.

SPEAKER_05 8:23

I think he signed up for golf. He said he goes, I can make varsity golf.

SPEAKER_04 8:27

Get him on the golf team, dude. You don't even know.

SPEAKER_05 8:30

Yeah, that's a I think he signed up for that.

SPEAKER_04 8:32

If I could go back, I would fuck off with football. I'd play baseball and golf.

SPEAKER_02 8:37

That's that'd be cool. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:38

Because you don't you don't even have to get in the top ten to make money in golf. Yeah. I want one of the things. You just have to make Saturday. You have to make the tour.

SPEAKER_05 8:50

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:50

That's all you dude. Pepsi tour, fucking um, I forget the other tour. There's there's different tours now. Where's my money? Hello, ladies. I'll take one of the big checks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't give a fuck. Yeah. I think you might have signed up for that.

SPEAKER_05 9:02

And then whatever you do, dude. I was in there for a fucking hour, dude. Just in the sports, you start seeing all the parents, you know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:09

Hey, hey, hey, Trevor, Stephanie, Steven. It was kind of cool, like a little sports reunion for me and the parents that I've coached and all. And you and and you got a little buzz on, so you're like extra like handsy. Maybe a little bit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:23

I don't know. I don't I couldn't say I didn't mean handsy.

SPEAKER_04 9:27

I'm just like, yeah, hey, what's up?

SPEAKER_03 9:28

Yeah, hey, bro. Yeah. Hi five. You're like, uh, we played one year together. All right. Remember me? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:36

Then we go walk around the campus, dude. No. The campus is big. Like it's pretty big. You don't see that much when you go. It's it it backs up to my house basically. Yeah, yeah. It keeps going and going.

SPEAKER_05 9:50

Yeah, yeah. Then he walks in and goes, like this one section is the size of my school right now. So we tripped around in a couple classrooms. I don't give a fuck.

SPEAKER_04 9:59

He's not starting there tomorrow or nothing. We don't need to be meeting anybody yet. Exactly. I heard he said for something else. Oh what? Oh yeah. Sorry. I didn't hear what you said.

SPEAKER_02 10:10

Oh, I didn't say anything. I was just saying.

SPEAKER_04 10:12

My bad. Don't look him in the eye. I I was gonna say that's why on these ones, we don't go anymore. The whole pre-load, whatever. So Freya's going to junior high next year. Okay. She went with the school. Okay. They took the kids. I don't go to the hey parents, you need to see. I think they did that already with Vinny too.

SPEAKER_03 10:34

Okay. Yeah, they probably did. I'll go to the one right before school starts. Yep. I'm not doing this fuck fuck show.

SPEAKER_04 10:42

I've done too many of them. Hey, we're really proud of Mr. Stevenson. He's coming back. No, I you didn't need to go. I of course. And I shouldn't have, but we did. And Wendy, you know Wendy. I refuse to be a good one.

SPEAKER_05 10:56

She's got to go in and oh, come and look at this.

SPEAKER_04 10:59

I go into one classroom, it's a science room. They got an ant farm. The science room was really cool. They had a fucking bag of frogs that they were dissecting sitting on the table. Yeah. And Ceno Man, did you did you put it over the Bunsen burner and take a bite of it? You know, Wendy and Frogs. Oh yeah. Oh. Dude, she was going, she was. And I pick up the whole bag and I'm like, duck it up, babe. Dude, you should have gone. Her eyes were big. I fucking smashed them. Dude, all the eyes were watering, dude. And she was just like putting her hand up. She couldn't even look. I would chase her around that room with that tiger fish. It was so packed. And I had to put them down because other kids want it. So I grabbed the there was a pig. Yeah, fetal pig. I dissected fetal pig, too. I'm like, oh shit. But she's not because of a dead baby pig doesn't make her go, huh? But frogs do. Yeah. Frogs are assholes. There's something else. Baby pigs are cute. Oh, a sheep heart or something. You know what? You know what? Your wife's a piece of shit, by the way. She she cries and pukes over dead frogs, but a baby little cute little pig.

SPEAKER_05 12:06

She's like, oh, we did one of those.

SPEAKER_04 12:09

I don't really mean she's a piece of shit. She uh say it that way. I'm like, let's get out of here. And then we tripped over to the electoral or the uh the electives? The elective uh room. Yeah. And they have they have some wacky shit. I talked him into joining drama, dude. Like hold on. You've yelled at me, you yelled at me a couple times about it. And then you talked him into it. Well because you saw the potential and talent. No. Anyway. He's like talking to other kids. He goes, I'm an actor. Do you like school? And this kid's like, no.

SPEAKER_05 12:55

He goes, Well, this is a perfect class for you. Because if you take this class, you gain two credits. So by the time you're a senior, you show up an hour late or go home an hour early.

SPEAKER_04 13:05

You'll be ahead. So someone signed up. And I go, hey Vinny, go talk to that guy. Same thing. And Vinny's like, Yeah. I don't like acting or nothing, but it's like, well, there's all this other shit he could do though. I ain't like that, you know. It could be lighting guy, building stage sets and shit like that. That's what I told him, dude. Get into first grip. Get into something better. What who's what does a grip do anyway, by the way? We should have Abe here. Sound guy. That's what a grip does. He holds the big ass. The boom. That's what the grip because he's gripping the he's a gripper. Well, there's there's number one grip and there's number two grip. Like I always like was curious of like who the guy I do both. Yeah, the the vaginal grip. Yeah. Oh wait. That's a different thing. Penis grip. Yeah, penis grip. Yeah. Titty grip. So I'm talking to him. I'm going, dude, think about it. Drama.

SPEAKER_05 14:00

Got a lot of chicks doing that shit. Okay. You're gonna be like one of three boys.

SPEAKER_04 14:05

Yeah, you know, go check it out. Or or and hear me out. I'm not trying to set your boy up, dude. Because I had a buddy at my high school, the my big high school in Cal in Anaheim is Esperanza High School. There was like 4,000 kids. We had two different campuses. Dude was a fucking male cheerleader. Well, I talked to him and I tried to give him into that too. He fucked all of them. Dude, I told him join the cheerleading squad. And that didn't even be. I'm telling you. Tell him to entertain it. I I know, but he sees Vinny.

SPEAKER_03 14:37

He sees he sees like the fucking new the new cheerleaders in the NFL that are like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 14:42

Yeah. No, he doesn't see the stunting cheerleading shit. Because then when you get to college, oh dude. Hey, you're the bottom of that pyramid. Oh yeah. And the the thumb grip. Just doesn't do the little DJ diddle, you know. Oh well, sorry. Gotcha. Don't tell those chicks are hot and they're flexible and they're in shape. I know. And I told him that you're gonna pipe all of them. He wouldn't get it.

SPEAKER_03 15:11

Out of 20 dudes on there that are straight.

SPEAKER_05 15:14

Yeah, yeah. Especially that too.

SPEAKER_03 15:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:16

You're narrowing the margin of like I'm gonna fuck all of you. I did tell him to join cheerleading and he said no, but I got him to do drama. I understand why he doesn't want to do it, uh, of course. But because he's gonna get moved. Like 10th grader.

SPEAKER_05 15:34

I was like, he's playing Mr. Crawley, dude. Wendy's like, oh yeah, nice, we're going over to the social studies.

SPEAKER_04 15:40

I'm like, I'm gonna sit here and listen to guitar.

SPEAKER_05 15:44

So I parked my ass in a chair and hung out and just watched guitar and waited for them to do their shit. Yeah, I shouldn't have gone though. You're right. That was stupid.

SPEAKER_04 15:54

I I I I've gone with it's reflecting in my eyes. Oh. Sorry. Uh I've gone with uh the beginning or the end of the year first trip. I don't need to fucking go to that. I'll go to right before school. Now I gotta go again the week before school. There you go. Yeah, that but that's when you you you you see is like actually, I don't know in in high school. Are you really gonna go to that? I I mean like when I went to high school, my parents didn't come with me. They're like, yeah, you got it all figured out by now. It's junior high. Well no, junior high. Junior high sets you up for high school. He's just out with his friends. He doesn't want to walk around with us. Like that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02 16:38

We never even had the opportunity to have like a like an open house or like whatever.

SPEAKER_04 16:42

I literally just probably did. You probably didn't relay the message.

SPEAKER_02 16:47

Well, the only thing there was was when we got our schedules and then went to get our books.

SPEAKER_04 16:54

Wait, wait. It's weird that you know about this now with but with Vincent. I'm sure he didn't relay the message, but she didn't. Well, we had um let's get on the couch. We we're a little more into Vinny.

SPEAKER_02 17:10

Obviously.

SPEAKER_04 17:12

I'm defending you. Oh dude, the the fucking flag girls came out. Oh yeah, and you're like, Kayla did that! I did to Vinny, and Vinny goes, Nerd! He's just like, really? Dark mobile. Did you have to go watch her?

SPEAKER_03 17:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 17:27

I said, I did.

SPEAKER_03 17:28

Yeah. At football games, she came at a football game, she came out for 10 minutes. Not even once. What are you talking about? I remember her dumb little gun that she had.

SPEAKER_02 17:41

My rifle.

SPEAKER_03 17:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 17:42

We'd get drunk out back. Yeah, we'd fucking flipping it and shooting it at each other. Josh himself out. Yeah, yeah. I was there and cranked him in his head. You like skipped it across his face. His face, yeah. The butt of the the butt of the gun. It was heavy. No barrel. It fucking went like that. It skipped off his eye, and I think it broke his nose. It cut it. Yeah, remember it's a bleeding. He's all scan-lum. Did he put on her fucking uniform? Oh, I wasn't there. No, that was Ryan. Ryan put it on. Yeah, because Ryan.

SPEAKER_02 18:16

Which uniform?

SPEAKER_04 18:17

Your drum line.

SPEAKER_02 18:19

Oh, my the jacket's about this big.

SPEAKER_04 18:21

Like. Yeah, but uh Ryan's the only one that would fit on that. We couldn't get it off him, though.

SPEAKER_03 18:26

I wasn't there for that. I was there for when Josh almost knocked himself the fuck out. I remember that.

SPEAKER_04 18:31

Yeah, that was on the back. When that thing skipped off his eye and then whacked, dude, I s I remember seeing that. He's like, Yeah, check this out. What? I'm like, oh fuck. Like that would Well Joshy.

SPEAKER_05 18:44

Yeah, so that was a fun night. That was uh that was my night. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 18:49

What'd you do? Went to bed. What'd you do, Ron? Went to bed. What'd you do? Not with him, though.

unknown 18:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:56

Separately. Don't lie. Separately.

SPEAKER_02 18:57

I went to bed crying because I didn't get a strawberry shake.

SPEAKER_04 19:01

Fucking ass. You did too.

SPEAKER_02 19:04

I was so upset.

SPEAKER_04 19:06

Nerd, man. Wait.

SPEAKER_02 19:07

I'm pregnant. Wait, it was shit.

SPEAKER_04 19:10

Get a job.

SPEAKER_02 19:11

I could have paid for you. You cried. You didn't even offer.

SPEAKER_04 19:14

We come home because we stopped at Bahama Bucks after the case. And I was so I've never been over there. Got me a nice shirt.

SPEAKER_05 19:22

And she's like, You didn't get me one? Alright.

SPEAKER_02 19:25

I didn't say it like that.

SPEAKER_05 19:26

Where's mine? Wait, wait, wait. I was just telling you I wanted a strawberry shake.

SPEAKER_02 19:30

Okay, you're exaggerating.

SPEAKER_05 19:31

That is exactly what you didn't I just mentioned, Vinny. Didn't I just say I wanted a strawberry shake? Right? And then Wendy goes, Well, you can have half of mine. And then she just storms out and goes to bed.

SPEAKER_02 19:43

And I just go, I said, Oh, did you get me one? Like you didn't even offer. I would have paid for it myself. And I was just talking all day about how much I wanted to shake.

SPEAKER_04 19:56

Oh well. So she storms off and goes to bed crying.

SPEAKER_02 19:59

I'm pregnant. I can't.

SPEAKER_04 20:01

And we go just sucking on our shakes, dude. They're fucking good too. As you hear crying. Yeah. Next room.

SPEAKER_03 20:08

It's pretty good. And then you hear the straw going, oh, it's a little thick.

SPEAKER_04 20:14

I would have got down to the bottom and stood by the door and did the whole stupid. Did you really? Yeah. I did too. And then you just hear. I was gonna stick the straw up underneath the door. I didn't want to look. Now there's a little whipped cream on there. Now I just picture Connie Conehead when she was crying in her fluorescent tears. Uh and then her fluorescent tears. It wasn't like that. Like fucking her. We're not getting her one. It's just we're out and that's what you did. That's what you did. You're a piece of shit. You're expensive, man.

SPEAKER_03 20:46

Alright. Well, you know.

SPEAKER_04 20:48

She she was she was saying all day she wanted a shake. No one heard her. And just rant her talking about it.

SPEAKER_03 20:55

They just ran and just randomly you guys went and got shakes.

SPEAKER_04 20:58

She didn't say nothing to us. I find this interesting. I'm leaving. You said I'm watching. Caitlin, how did that make you feel?

SPEAKER_02 21:06

Sad.

SPEAKER_04 21:07

Good. What did mom say?

SPEAKER_02 21:11

What do you mean?

unknown 21:12

Mom.

SPEAKER_04 21:13

We ain't fucking buying your shit. Get a job and get your own money. I was just gonna say mom is tearing up right now on this. Yeah, I just she's tearing up right now. You guys know that, right? Is she really?

SPEAKER_03 21:24

Yeah, she's feeling the most oh god. Sorry, Kenny. I'm just coming for the joke. My bad. My bad.

SPEAKER_04 21:33

Oh my goodness. You guys are fucking animals. Welcome to Human Direct Show. Hey, we'll be right back.

SPEAKER_03 21:41

Pieces of shit. She's crying, sir. Oh my god. Can I feel that? Hey, let me give you a piece of advice. Treat her like you would treat your own mother. But she's she's crying, sir. We'll be right back.

SPEAKER_00 22:00

My milkshake friends are the voice. It's better than you understand my free. It's better than you like to chew, but I have to charge my milkshake.

SPEAKER_04 22:09

Welcome back to the show. It's a song K can't sing. Without crying. Sorry.

SPEAKER_02 22:20

You're not sorry.

SPEAKER_04 22:21

What a dick. We'll get you a milkshake tomorrow, maybe. It's payday. Okay, can I can I address something? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:28

I I I get labeled an asshole, but some of the shit you do is fucking god awful. Deep. Deep. Not really.

unknown 22:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 22:40

It's not. Okay. These are jokes. You're the difference is you're a real asshole. I just play one. I play one well on TV too. You play one in real life really well, too. No, I play one. I play a different asshole on real life. Yeah. A real no, it's just somebody that just tells you how it is.

unknown 22:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:00

That that gets labeled an asshole. You are an asshole. Okay. No. No. Dude, you are probably the number asshole I've ever met in my life. No, no, no, no. Top two. No. Because I say shit that that most people don't want to hear about themselves. Well, that's just what people don't do that. Oh, okay. Well, okay. Does it really bother you? I just want to make it into a problem. I don't want to make anything into a problem. I just say you know exactly by the way, where the fuck has that been? Sorry, I don't mean to be I don't mean to get derailed right now, but the fucking gnome is right there. Yeah, but I'll come on one day. Uh no, it's just no, people don't want to hear the shit that I want to say. And the shit I want to say is the shit that people need to hear.

unknown 23:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:47

No, you gotta have a uh no you gotta balance it out and say something nice once in a while. Fuck that.

SPEAKER_03 23:53

No, that that's the joke side.

SPEAKER_04 23:55

Yeah, I don't even want to talk about that. All right, all right. I don't want to talk about it. Whatever. You wouldn't say I got my ass kicked.

SPEAKER_05 24:03

I mean all you know is they gotta fight. So what else you got here? I was thinking about this. Is this uh is this acceptable?

SPEAKER_04 24:13

Were you talking to yourself there? Oh, I was talking to Ron. Oh, okay. But then uh make that one? Yeah. It's full trash. So anyone's anyone that skips out isn't my fault.

SPEAKER_05 24:26

It's not that full.

SPEAKER_04 24:27

Yeah, okay, to the brim isn't full. Do you find this acceptable or not? No. Yes? When you go to a grocery store.

SPEAKER_05 24:37

Yeah. Do you eat food before you buy it? No. Open the soda and drink any of it.

SPEAKER_02 24:46

If it's from the deli, I'll eat it.

SPEAKER_04 24:48

And it's not because of any moral conundrum, I just don't do it. I think it's illegal. No. It's not stealing until you walk out of the store with it. So you can crack a like like this bottle of soda. You can crack it. I've seen people scan it. You know, just open and you know, have a drink and you scan it. It's legal, it it's not stealing.

SPEAKER_05 25:07

I don't sit there and look and go, you fucking scumbag or something. No, but I don't care.

SPEAKER_04 25:10

I think that's right. No, well, no, I wouldn't do it because I'm not a weirdo. Yeah. That's a weirdo thing to do. Have you seen you remember that remember the candy things? Yeah, that's at the grocery store. Brock's candy and as a kid, I'd walk in. I got in trouble for that as a kid. Oh, yeah. I remember this story. Your mom was like, Yeah, let's fucking flick the Brock's pin. It's gone. Thank you, Charles. It's perfect. No, it's awful. Yeah, that that helps a bunch.

unknown 25:41

Blair?

SPEAKER_04 25:42

See, do you see that that thing called the sun that you're not seeing right now? I don't care. I mean yeah, we're looking into it like the eye of Sauron right now. So anyway, so that's fine. But I just don't do it. But no, I don't think it's Do you think it's shitty when people do it? No. No. No, because it doesn't really affect you. As long as as long as they go scan actually, I don't give a fuck, dude. Everything's so fucking expensive at that fucking grocery store. Good good on you. Go for it. I don't give a shit. Get away with it. What about grapes? Well, I would say that's stealing because now the pound is gonna be weights going down. Oh no. Oh no, the the five grapes I stole.

SPEAKER_05 26:18

It could be a steal.

SPEAKER_04 26:20

Okay. But I'm not I'm not asking you. Next time I take a shit, I'm gonna weigh it and bring it in. And throw it in grapes. Yeah, yeah. There you go. There's your grapes back. I just saw someone doing that the other day, and it's just kind of like kind of tacky. Well, you know, like I my thing with the it with But with kids could be different. Kids, I don't give a shit. Adults, yeah. It's kind of weird. But the reason why I give a shit is because you're gonna you're gonna eat grapes that people have finger fucked. I go home and wash my grapes. I go home and wash my tomatoes. So I don't give a shit. If you want to do that, that's fine.

SPEAKER_05 26:56

But also I'm like, I can see if you're fucking dying of thirst, you go into a place, yeah, you go like a surrounding or something and grab one of those thirsty.

SPEAKER_04 27:08

Well, at Fry's they have all or or Safeway, they have all those like coolers, you know, with like these bottles in them. If somebody grabs the one of those and cracks it and fucking goes and scans it, and it's it's not stealing.

SPEAKER_05 27:19

Yeah, but you do see a lot of open bags.

SPEAKER_04 27:24

Oh, those people that graze as they're go and then put the fucking bag down. Uh dude, I like when you find a bag of something in like the soda aisle. You're like Yeah, exactly. All right. They've been eating that through the whole thing. Hey, you know what? Fuck them. Fuck Uncle Fryce. And maybe keeping a kid happy and quiet. Okay, fuck, I'll open the cool fish. You know? Yeah, I don't care. I don't care about that. But if I really saw like you walking around with a fucking can of Pringles eating, I'd be like, what the fuck is comeback, man? Like, what the fuck? Hey, you want some? You want to pull off that? I do mind if I don't, I don't care. I guess I would. I don't care if people are stealing. I really don't. Get away with it. Do it. However, if you get caught, I don't want to hear you cry about it. That's that that's my thing. I think this first time you got busted was stealing chicken. Chicken chicken nuggets. Eating all the fucking hot food and then leaving.

SPEAKER_02 28:22

No, I just walked out with it.

SPEAKER_04 28:24

Oh my god. I didn't eat it yet. Doesn't fuck around. You got busted for some fried chicken, like stealing shit.

SPEAKER_02 28:31

Popcorn chicken for reels.

SPEAKER_04 28:33

And and her friend was underage and she was of age. So then she got contributing to a delinquency of a minor, even though they were friends in the same high school. Which was fucked. That's fucked. No, that is that's fucked. Well, there's a lot of fucked things with AIDS in high school. Yeah, because you got eight calls in seventh. We talked about we talked about the thing with the with the guys and the girls, and you know, when the guys, you know, the the girlfriend's girlfriend for three years, and now you just turned 18. Yeah, she's seventeen. And the parents want to get shitty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to bring that up. But that's shitty too.

SPEAKER_03 29:09

It's like we're homies, we're in the same fucking grade, and her birthday's two days before this happens. Yeah. Like now, now I'm the one.

SPEAKER_02 29:17

She didn't even get in trouble because she was underage.

SPEAKER_04 29:21

Yeah, well.

SPEAKER_02 29:22

When she had her own stuff that she was stealing too.

SPEAKER_04 29:24

Well, okay, okay, but here here's the moral to the story. Don't fucking steal. Or don't no no no. Why didn't you run? My moral to the story is don't get caught be better. Why didn't you run? I would have ran my ass off with that popcorn chicken. You want me to tell you a story? Right. You want me to you okay. Naomi doesn't know this. This was 10 years ago? No. Yeah, 10 years ago, probably. There's a patio set at at Home Depot. You stole the whole patio set? Yes, I did. Jeez. Okay. I I forget what I was buying. I uh I statue limitations, man. Check this out. Okay. So Chris won't say his last name. Liz by me. I was like, hey man, I need help. You got a truck. Will you help me pick up this? I forget what it was. And I'm I'm waiting outside. I got everything there. And we load everything in the back of his truck. And I'm at before he shows up, I'm looking at this patio set. It's just out in front.

SPEAKER_05 30:24

Sitting there.

SPEAKER_04 30:25

I fucking throw it in his truck and he and he goes on. It says, Take me home to what are you doing? I was like, nothing. Don't worry about it. Shut the tailgate. Gone. I don't steal. I brought I I neither do I. There was something about that day that just was like, you know what? Home Depot's fucked me so many times. I don't steal. Dude, Home Depot fucks you. I deserve this. Yeah, no, it wasn't, it wasn't, it kind of was that. All right. Say, I don't steal, but I don't steal either. I'm not a stealer. Same place. Not a thief. Not a stealer. One time I was buying a shitload of pavers. Oh yeah. Did you load some extra pavers? No, I loaded the whole fucking palette. Yeah, you did. And then I didn't know I stole them. All right. Until we got home. I thought it was free. No, when we got home. And you looked at the the the the price.

SPEAKER_05 31:17

I was like, do I come back?

SPEAKER_04 31:19

Did you call them? Yeah. No. Yeah. No, you didn't. Yeah, I no you didn't. He said, hey, I got your shit. Okay. I sent him a picture of my fucking patio. So I said, thank you. So fries again, right? So like when when when sodas when sodas would be on sale when I was drinking a lot of soda, you know, you you you fill up your shopping cart, but you put your sodas on the bottom of the bottom deal. You forget. And then you bebop out of the store. When you get home, you're like, oh. Do you call fries back? I have. My ass, you have. I have. You're a fucking liar. No, I have. And said I didn't pay for sodas. No, I said I paid for my sodas and I didn't get any. So I got extras. It kind of guys something. That's an gnarly move. Do you guys stop for the old Walmart guy that wants to see your receipt when you have open shit in your cart? Do you stop for him? Fuck that guy. No. I mean, I'll go like this and be like, I pay for it. I don't really get stopped. No, if you don't have it in bags, they they go, hey, can I see that? Here's my receipt, bud.

SPEAKER_02 32:26

But legally you don't have to show them.

SPEAKER_04 32:28

Well, look at you, Ron. I know. Every old white lady that goes before me, go, go on right through, man. Every time I come home, oh let me see your receipt. Yeah, yeah. They they you don't show them to them? No, I tell them to fuck off. I'm like, hey, you just let this old broad in front of me go. Like, why my favor my favorite is when I deliver uh our steam, you know, over there. And like I see the same people every time, you know. And they're they're over there talking to the fucking checkout people. Like they're just you know, shooting the shit, and they're just people coming in and leaving. And like I always go, hey, uh, there's like nine people that stole shit. They just sold shit up there. And they're like, What? Like now, because it's old joke, but I'm just like, yeah, you you you're not doing a job. You weren't there. They just pick random. They're not even they're not what are they gonna do? Like, hey, don't take that. Okay, fuck you, and like I'm out.

SPEAKER_05 33:22

You ever see those fucking disguised uh or undercover kind of yeah, what are they called? Floor walkers floor walkers.

SPEAKER_04 33:29

Yeah, you ever notice them? Yeah, I knew it's stupid and slow and they can't do shit. I knew a guy that did it at Walmart. They'll they'll start you. They wear plain they wear plain clothes and they just wander around.

SPEAKER_05 33:41

You're just like, how come this lady's in every aisle I'm in, you know? No, then I'm watching you. If I see I've only haven't seen it in a while, but if I do, I start looking around all weird and shit.

SPEAKER_04 33:50

Do you remember Bash's where sportsman is? So if Naomi and I went there one night. You had to bag your own groceries there. I used to love that place. Yeah. So Naomi and I went there one night. I forget what we were doing. I don't know why we were there because our house was over here. But I was, you know, Naomi and I were like new together, and I'm just goofing around, you know, and like start running into shit, you know, like oh shit, oh goddamn, you know, like whatever. All of a sudden, I just see this lady coming at you? No, just down the aisle. Oh, okay. And then I turn the aisle and I go, oh my god, oh shit, I fucking ran into that thing too. And Naomi's just giggling, you know, like we're just fucking around. We're shopping, we're buying shit. We're but I just keep like nudging shit. And then the next next next aisle over, she's on the other side, and I'm like, hey, so sneaky. And then I go, We're being watched. And Naomi's like, what? I was like, yeah, I don't know why. And she goes, I know why, because you keep fucking around. I'm like, yeah, but let's keep doing it. Yeah, fuck it, dude. Dude, she followed I I I kept telling Naomi, like, let's go up the next aisle. And I do it again. And then there she is. She followed us. I've done that with Vinny 45 minutes.

SPEAKER_05 35:08

I'm like, watch this guy. He'll we'll see him in the next aisle over there. Let's go over to like uh the pillows. And all of a sudden he's like looking at pillows.

SPEAKER_04 35:15

You're all get the fuck out of here, dude. And you're there like, yeah, let's go pillow, huh? I'm gonna start turning it on them and being like, I'm watching you.

SPEAKER_06 35:25

You know, watching you, watching me.

SPEAKER_04 35:28

I I'm an undercover, undercover. I I'm the FBI of Walmart or whoever the fuck you're at. Yeah. And it'd be like, yeah, who's your who's your uh they call him coaches at Walmart? Who's your coach? I'm gonna talk to him later. Turn it back on him. Turn it back on him. Watch him shit. They're gonna just instant a pool of diarrhea in their belly. They just walk away and be like, I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_05 35:52

I don't go to the store often though.

SPEAKER_04 35:54

I know. You do the fucking DoorDash or the fucking Instacart shit.

SPEAKER_05 35:59

Yeah. We went shopping a couple weeks ago. Spend an extra hundred bucks though.

SPEAKER_04 36:03

Do you remember when you used to go every Sunday? Every Sunday. See uh Garth. Yeah. He's still there. Is he? I saw him like a month ago.

SPEAKER_05 36:12

Yeah. I just don't it's easy, dude.

SPEAKER_04 36:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 36:17

You know?

SPEAKER_04 36:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 36:18

If they if they don't have an item, they upgrade you.

SPEAKER_04 36:21

Yeah, I don't I don't I don't plan out my day that much or that my week, just like you and Wendy. Well, we'll do it the night before. You're like on Monday we're gonna have Stroganoff, on Tuesday we're gonna have chicken breast, on weekend. I know I we don't do that. But we have to. Why? Because of our schedules. You know, we've got baseball practice, you got fucking this, you got that, or whatever. Or just microwaveable taquitos. So we realize, well, we're not gonna have time to do that. You're gonna have that again tomorrow, kid. Well, we sit out there and be somebody. If you get something on practice nights, you don't get home till late, so it's something quick. Oh, we can have our homemade salisbry steak on Tuesday. Homemade Salisbury steak? Yeah, so only what it go. By microwave air fryer. Homemade? Homemade fucking salesbury steak, weirdo. Wendy goes off. It's not that fucking hard. It's not. This is hamburger meat. Oh, does she does Wendy do it? Yeah, we make salbury steak. Is it is it Naomi's recipe that she sent Wendy? Probably. Boom, son. That's the best shit. Dude, I never I never had salzbury steak homemade until it's great. Until Naomi. It's the best. But I was like, I always got it a hungry man dinner. Well, you can buy those like family ones of patties. You do the Salisbury steak in the do you do it in the muffin tin?

SPEAKER_05 37:41

No.

SPEAKER_04 37:44

No. What? Alright. I don't who the fuck is this guy and why the fuck is he here? I just came to this earth. Salisbury steak, dude. I yeah, you can say it all you want. I still don't know what it is. Salisbury steak. Like it's a steak with what, like seasoning? No, it's it's a ground beef patty with with fucking like gravy. Brown gravy on it. It's the best thing in the world. Kind of. But it's got oh seasonings and salzbury steak, Wendy. Say it. Sounds awesome.

unknown 38:15

Salisbury steak.

SPEAKER_04 38:16

Ron's never heard of Salisbury steak. Yeah. I know. I thought he was fucking putting me on. I swear I've never looked at Wendy's face. What planet are you from? You've never had a hungry man dinner? No, I'm not a concasion. I'm gonna go buy him a Salisbury steak, hungry man dinner, and say, just pop this in the microwave. Well, like the microwave ones. Vinny will still look at it. They're all right. I've never had I don't know what Salisbury steak is. Do you?

unknown 38:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 38:39

Oh, even Vinny owes it. Yeah, even gives you a stink eye. You dumb motherfuckers. You gave the shake.

SPEAKER_05 38:46

Get your asses whipped, buddy. Yeah.

unknown 38:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 38:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 38:49

Oh shit, what happened? Hey, get that neck out of here. It's intimidating. No, come over here. What happened?

SPEAKER_05 38:55

We'll talk to you soon.

SPEAKER_04 38:56

Alright. Get out of here. That's not bad. Alright. It's a good team. Did you score?

unknown 39:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 39:03

Basketball? You should just quit. Hey, congratulations. Mama says mama, bro. Basketball's game. Mom says that you only played two minutes. Mom said you only played two minutes. Did you post up?

SPEAKER_01 39:19

And then I got pulled out.

SPEAKER_04 39:26

You got a fucking 28 people on this basketball team. It's insane. Fuck that. Were you posting up hard?

SPEAKER_01 39:36

Were you setting fucking picks? We just do this against celebrity because they're a bad team.

SPEAKER_05 39:41

Yeah, you got to play your studs against a good team. You got idiot coaches. Tell them to listen to this podcast. Or talk to you later.

SPEAKER_03 39:48

Or stop playing basketball.

SPEAKER_04 39:53

Do what makes you happy. Hey, you're gonna be a lead in the play one day. You're never gonna be in the NBA, just so you know. You're gonna be Peter Pan. She'll never love you. You'll never be more than a friend.

SPEAKER_05 40:07

Well. Oh yeah, fuck them. Let's get out of here now.

SPEAKER_03 40:12

We're the worst. That was Vinny. Yeah, that was we're we're bad. And I was being bad on purpose, by the way. Not an asshole. On purpose.

SPEAKER_04 40:20

Oh, that's what I'm saying. Just because it's on purpose doesn't mean it's not an asshole. It's always on purpose. No, it's not. Well, you go home wrong and check out your uh check out uh Charlie Salisbury steak. Charlie. And Will. It sounds awesome. Ground beef with gravy on it. Sounds delicious. If you if you're gonna do your steak. I don't think you're putting me on, dude. Yeah, that sounds terrible. No, I'm thinking you're putting me on that you've never heard of. No, I swear to god, I'd never on my son's life, I've never heard of the Salisbury steak. What the fuck is how old is he?

unknown 40:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:51

How old are you? I've heard of tacos. How old are you? Uh 48. No, 49. Yes. Come on. Don't you stop counting after like? Well, I stopped counting. So if you are in your 40s, you've seen a hungry pantater salzbury steak or even like the Stofers one. Oh yeah. I kind of glance over it and just Salisbury Steak. I don't want that. We're gonna get the hell out of here.

SPEAKER_05 41:19

Even Peter Gaber wrote a song called Stand Here on Salisbury Steaks.

SPEAKER_04 41:25

Fell Hill. Hill. Sorry. Yeah, yeah. I fucked up.

SPEAKER_03 41:29

He fell for it. Fucked up again.

SPEAKER_04 41:31

But I want to thank you all for Hey Kaylin, putting up with us. I didn't mean to make you cry. I really didn't. I was trying to fuck with your dad. So it's a hamburger with it. No cheese, no nothing. It's just a fucking hamburger with dude, makes no sense. Ron! You're out of your mind. Shut the fuck up and go try it. Get out of here with weird ass shit. It's good. Thanks for hanging out with us today. Um, if anyone wants to donate a milkshake, send it to Kate's way. And um send fucking Ron. You know what's funny? If you don't donate a milkshake, she'd probably cry. Oh, she will cry. Okay. We'll record that too. And send it in the mail so it's all melted. She's fucking nasty. Just leaking out of the box out of the box. We're dumb. Thanks. We're dumb and we're done. See you next round where the Im Dress.