The Humanz Race Show
Here you’ll find episodes jam-packed with profanity-laced punchlines, irreverent impressions, and hilarious shenanigans that'll make you question your own sense of humor. Come join us as we dive headfirst into the realms of hilarity and push the boundaries of good taste as we share personal stories, discuss absurdities, and have a damn good time.
The Humanz Race Show
S6 Ep.#19- A Dog Knows
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The Crew Talks About Getting a New Front Door, Colors, Subarus, Derek's New Cards, Getting into the U.F.C., Portillos, Abe's Diet, Dogs Hear Ghost, And Other Nonsense.
Hey, welcome to the human's ratio. Hey, there it is. Say it. Oh, it's truck. Say it. Say welcome to the human's ratio. Return.
SPEAKER_04Bye. Welcome to the human Z Ratio, which I hate the name. And I've been here for how many years now?
SPEAKER_03God. Uh two and a half. Two? No, two. No. Two. Two.
SPEAKER_04Is it two?
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_04No way.
SPEAKER_03Two years in last month.
SPEAKER_04I just wasn't here.
SPEAKER_01Two years? No, it's been more than two years. It's been more than two years. Two years. Three?
SPEAKER_04I'm getting yeah, I'm I'm gonna go with three.
SPEAKER_03Three years. Three years.
SPEAKER_04But I wasn't here for the initial, like, hey, let's name let's name the thing.
SPEAKER_03Okay, whatever. Sorry.
SPEAKER_04Hey, everybody. Well hey, I'm D Rocking the D-Raj, and we got D Rocker, we got J-Bone, we got fucking Brownbag, and we got Cater Potator. Brownbag.
SPEAKER_052023. It's been three years, dude.
SPEAKER_03Welcome to EMT show. That was great, buddy. Come on. Hey, welcome to the show. Hey, I'm Derek hanging out with Jeff. Hi. Abe. Yo. Caitlin. It's brown brownbag. Kaylin! Hey. What's happening, guys? What's going on? What's a happen? I did my uh ancestry.com.
SPEAKER_04And it's and all Italian? No. I am Japanese. Asian as fuck. Asian. Really? Yeah. Is it Wendy too? It's not.
SPEAKER_03She thought she was.
SPEAKER_04She's not, but she because she liked them tiny little winners. That's why she thought she was anime.
SPEAKER_03She's just really bad with uh math and inches, you know.
SPEAKER_05She's like, which bodes well for me.
SPEAKER_04That makes her not Asian for sure. It makes her like American. Yeah. Oh.
SPEAKER_05Does she drive okay?
SPEAKER_04Ish?
SPEAKER_03No, she does good.
SPEAKER_05Can fix my door? Yes, I'll just look at your fucking door, bro. We need to fix two doors in this fucking house.
SPEAKER_03These are this is stupid. This is just something I just put on there.
SPEAKER_05That's a fire-rated door. You want that sealed correctly? Sir. But what if there's a fire? It's a 20-minute fire-rated door.
SPEAKER_03I think endangering kids just point of your career.
SPEAKER_05That looks like a 13-minute fire rated door.
SPEAKER_03But I need a front door, man. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do some front doors. Jeff needs a door. I I don't need one. I want one. I want to do something.
SPEAKER_05I want to get one of those nice ones with the glass on top. You know what? But you need those things, you know.
SPEAKER_04I I want one of those, but you know why I don't want one of those? Why? Because when people knock and then they can see you? Yeah. You can't hide. You can't hide from the shit. You know you always see the shadow one, right? Someone's here. But I I want a new front door, but I I put for the light, because it's on the other side of the house, but I don't yeah, I want one, but I don't want one.
SPEAKER_03Would you go like a nice wooden door, like something cool with a big knocker on it? Big old steel thing. Or you know, tint with the fucking do tit do tit knockers. Tint knockers. But maybe a wood door with the iron. Aren't tint knockers? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Gel. Nice knockers. Thanks. The kind of gel bars style. Something cool.
SPEAKER_05We can do all of that.
SPEAKER_03Or or do we can do it and do a podcast while we're doing it. Dude, do turn it into like a Marshall stack.
SPEAKER_04No.
SPEAKER_03You know?
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_03That's something cool.
SPEAKER_04I can paint it that way. Yeah. But I was thinking of uh Labyrinth, where you have the two, you know. The two knockers, yeah. One lies to you, the other one tells you the truth. There you go.
SPEAKER_03But I think I think a cool door would be and then what's the cool thing? Paint them red?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, red, orange, some kind of awful.
SPEAKER_03I'm sure you as a painter, you you painted several doors red.
SPEAKER_04It's it's supposed to be for like aesthetics and no, it's for it's for like warding off fucking not spirits or whatever, but like, yeah, your front door is red, so it's like a feng shui thing, and it's also like a neocolonial fucking thing.
SPEAKER_03Seems more like a gateway to hell, red fire.
SPEAKER_04No, I think it comes from where they the the the G Kate.
SPEAKER_03Any input on you know anything about a red door?
unknownAlright.
SPEAKER_03Well, because it might I thought this might be so. She shook her head on a podcast. Yeah, on a podcast. She shakes her head.
SPEAKER_01No, sorry. I was well, because I was thinking. I was trying to think, but no, I don't think so.
SPEAKER_05She's like painted clouds.
SPEAKER_01But I mean it the outside of the door, I don't know, because usually when you do like work on like feng shui and stuff in colours, it I mean the outside doesn't really matter as much as the inside.
SPEAKER_03Or if you're like, 'cause that's exposed and you keep your sacred shit indoors.
SPEAKER_01I mean kind of Or you do you know what you're talking about? You just No, well, I mean with feng shui, it's not as not so much colours though as it is like placement of things. But I can see like 'cause certain colors mean certain things, like we all know that.
SPEAKER_03But what tell me some examples. We don't all know that. We don't all know that. You got the mic, let's tell us, you know.
SPEAKER_01Well, just like it's all colors, you know, they you paint your walls a certain color and like you paint it yellow and it makes you happier. It's like color psychology.
SPEAKER_03Yellow is happy.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_05What is uh bright vibrant colors? What is a green?
SPEAKER_01Or like how you notice like all the fast food is yellow and red because it's supposed to make you like hungrier in the psychology of it.
unknownYellow.
SPEAKER_05Because every time I close the front door I want a snack.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Or like there's this one like kind of pink color that's supposed to make you like feel like lethargic and tired.
SPEAKER_05So what's that is?
SPEAKER_01Or it's like called like powder pink or something.
SPEAKER_05The apartment Swiss coffee, like dead color.
SPEAKER_01I don't know, colors have a lot to do with blue is like calming, things like that.
SPEAKER_03But like vehicles, they'll paint fucking vehicles bright green or like that armor or something. Is that just for advertising?
SPEAKER_04Because you know it's to make you want to buy it.
SPEAKER_03You know, oh look at that. And they use some some obscure songs that stands out. You know, you're you're driving buildings.
SPEAKER_05On the commercials, they always use some weird obscure song, and it's like something hipstery with the a family driving through like the country, which you never do.
SPEAKER_04Hey, you're gonna do all this stuff if you buy the car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We ain't going hiking. Shut the fuck up. We're all fat and we fucking like. I'm going to the bar and having a drink.
SPEAKER_05Show me that in the commercial.
SPEAKER_04How do I bring all my friends to the fucking place? Yeah, to the place I'm watching. And you're a Subaru, you fuck.
SPEAKER_03You know what? Eat a dick. I was gonna buy a Subaru. Oh, were you? I was. I was gonna buy a and then they started calling me lesbian. He's he was gonna go full Lesbo. And I'm like, dude, it's a cool little ride. I'm glad it fell through though.
SPEAKER_05Here's the thing, they're great freaking cars. They're great cars. They are. They got the stigma behind them, dude. Who are you honking behind on the on the highway all the time? Fucking people in the Subarus. People in the Subaros is who you're honking.
SPEAKER_04It's a Subaru Forester, and if it's a Forester, it's either a lesbian that's like fuck all men, or it's a fucking old guy. Yeah, a cold couple. Which isn't fuck all men, but he's like I do what I want. He's like I'm going 45 on this highway on 89. And I'm not looking in my rearview mirror at all.
SPEAKER_05I'm my turn to change lanes.
SPEAKER_03But they're they're sporty too. They got those fast ones, you know, souped up. That's different.
SPEAKER_05That's what my brother has.
SPEAKER_03He has the RX, not Rx, the uh because the sport the you know drifters and the racers, they'd love.
SPEAKER_04That's not the Forester, it's the other one, the little hatchback one. That you can turn into like a like a like a like a rally car. So you used to play well they they also have the W video game in there. It's Grand Turismo, man. I get these little shit car super mup. But they still have those. Yeah, yeah. There's a Forester, there's a there's the other hatchback one, and then look it up. What's the come on? That's your job over there. And then there's an Subaru styles. You should have already been going boom. That's what I'm gonna do. There's a WRX. WRX the one. That's what I'm talking about. So they have like they have like uh uh they have we figured it out. Get your phone ready. They have ceramic brakes, they have all the shit.
SPEAKER_03That's what Justin drives. That's okay. He's got that that's been in the shop for fucking ever so he has.
SPEAKER_04He has the hatchback. He doesn't have WRX. He has a hatchback. There's a different one. You can turn into like an off-road, like the guy that that runs SertiPro up here. John. John, hello, John.
SPEAKER_03His hatchback was the Honda. He traded that in for a Subaru.
SPEAKER_04No, he's got a Subaru hatchback that's all lifted and stuff. It's not the WRX.
SPEAKER_03It's just the Well, it's been in the shop for three months. He's been driving a loner. You talk Who are you talking about? My buddy Justin.
SPEAKER_04Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_03I'm talking about John that runs that's what I'm like.
SPEAKER_04No. Yeah. There's another model. It's not the WRX. But they're they're nice cars. They're they're cool. They're gay.
SPEAKER_03Everything's gay. Welcome back. Everything's gay. Everything is gay. I'm selling cards like a maniac now. It's gay. That's what I was hoping for. There you go. I set you up. All right. Cross drunk. That's what I was going to buy. It's called the cross drunk. That's what I was going to buy. It's a hatch ball. It's small, though. It's fucking small.
SPEAKER_04It's small. It's not like the WRX is bigger. Yeah, those are cool. Yeah. Those are only cars.
SPEAKER_03Subaru. Gay. Gay. Stop that. Dude, I've been rocking on these fucking cards lately. Just buying wacky shit. And you've been gay?
SPEAKER_05I like your Bob Ross one over there.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that one I get a lot of offers on. Really?
SPEAKER_05I like that one.
SPEAKER_03And I buy weird shit now. The Ziggy Stardust, I'd fucking like it. That's cool. And that's from the artist. On the back, his autograph is on there. So that's a fucking cool one. I just got weird shit, but I'm buying these bullshit packs. I'll scoop them up cheap. And now I'm starting to get people. It's finally catching on. It's a good thing.
SPEAKER_05This is gonna be my retirement. I'm gonna wait till I'm like 90 and then walk in and be like, all right, that's what I paid for that.
SPEAKER_03But that I sold one of these for 11 bucks. You know, they go for money. Yeah, but you don't know.
SPEAKER_04I spend the time until you buy it, until you open it. So he he that's the he's hoping. Yeah, but you're gonna bother you're gonna get a dark radar in there.
SPEAKER_03Is there like a real he bought this Merlin pack of Star Wars cards for me?
SPEAKER_05Have you seen the Pokemon craze? How like people go to like Crazy. Do they go to Walmart and shit, Target, whatever the message? The moment they put them out and you see like these scalpers just like grabbing Jesse. Jesse. All the shit.
SPEAKER_03But he doesn't do that. He did it. No, he collects them for sure. He's got great collection, but he doesn't go scout you know, grabbing them.
SPEAKER_05They have Charizards. He fies them, he buys them and they have Charizards going for like 200 grand.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, he's got like $4,000 cards and shit. I was like, what the fuck, dude? Yeah, they we talked about where he won't let his kids touch him.
SPEAKER_04Oh, they're they're their cards.
SPEAKER_03But they're but they're not their cards. Yeah. Yeah, you can't trust a kid.
SPEAKER_04Dude, he's like, Where's my pack at your daddy's at their age? Ah dude, I want a I want a PS5, Pop. I'm gonna trade this shit. It wasn't about it's just stupid shit.
SPEAKER_03Like I remember being a kid, my buddy calls me up. I'm probably like seven or eight. My buddy calls me and goes, hey man, it was in Prescott. Let's put our cards into the the pie fair. Because we could do anything at the fair. We're trying to win ribbons. You know, hey, I want to win a ribbon. And I got off the phone with him, I'm like, fuck out. And I went and drew a D in the bottom of every one of my cards, dude. 1977 Nolan Ryan's. I got a D on there. My dad came home. He's like, What the fuck, man? You're like, you just ruin the card. These cards. So I'd lick the cards, try to get them all. Get them all soft, and then rub it off so it's down the straight cardboard, I'm like, I fixed them. It's like, ah.
SPEAKER_04So you used to be a good thing.
SPEAKER_03So when you're a kid, you know, you'd need to have your dad watch your shit, you know?
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Yeah. Could you imagine, dude, just I had a bunch of uh uh cards growing up too. I don't know what my mom comics too. I had awesome comics on the city.
SPEAKER_03See, but we didn't know what they were worth. We didn't collect them. We loved open. Well, wasn't a thing back then that it was In the 80s, we got a pack of baseball cards. I'm looking for Dodgers and shit, and just whatever. They're cards. I put them in my fucking bicycle spokes and there were cards.
SPEAKER_05Now you're like, fuck, that was worth money.
SPEAKER_03$300 card. Yeah, yeah, dude. Yeah. But you know, now as a an adult and you try to collect it's different because you're, oh, can I invest in this, you know.
SPEAKER_05Wait a couple years. And I don't do that.
SPEAKER_03Um I'm buying fucking fifty cent packs and selling for a buck.
SPEAKER_05There you go.
SPEAKER_03And then I buy a two dollar packs, I sell them for three. Quick turnover. You know, yeah, and I just make fifty bucks and but then people are going, dude, you got crazy shit. And it's the whole whatnot uh community kind of thing. Love the card holders, yeah. So I'm the host and they come in my show and I put it up for auction. You know, here's a pack, it starts at two dollars. You know, you could swipe two dollars, and someone goes, three, four. Usually my shows it's starts at two dollars. Yeah. Alright, here's the next pack. Yeah, two dollars. And someone goes, Oh, I got one, you know. But I've been catching on and actually doing good at it now. Well shit. So it's fun.
SPEAKER_05What's your most expensive card? Have I asked you yet?
SPEAKER_03Oh man, that's a good one. Cause I don't know. You'd have to kind of go price you haven't priced your most expensive card. Yeah, that's the thing. I got uh I got different shit that I just haven't. I got one of ones, you don't know the price on those. Yeah. You know, a couple hundred bucks to someone that cares. Yeah. You know, to anyone else. I don't know. Fuck, man. I've never been asked about this shit. I don't really don't know. Like probably what are my Dodgers? See that and I got some valuable Dodger shit put away. I don't know. That's a good question. My favorite card is probably uh Sandlot, you know, or something. Uh you know, that's how stupid I am. No, the the fucking Gilligan's Island. That's my new favorite card right now.
SPEAKER_04Why? Because I love Gilligan's. You know there's only two seasons of that show?
SPEAKER_03No. Yeah. Fucking Google. Well, they had like 28 episodes or something. No, bullshit. It's all Google it, buddy. How many seasons? Oh, wait. How many seasons of it started black and white?
SPEAKER_04That's when the fucking the color change happened.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_04There's only two seasons of fucking Gilligan of Gilligan's Island, dude.
SPEAKER_03Wow, I didn't realize that. Yep. But there was a there were long seasons.
SPEAKER_05Oh, dude. I remember I used to watch them as a kid thinking Harlem Goodfill.
SPEAKER_01Because Gilligan's Island ran for three seasons.
SPEAKER_05Three seasons. Sorry, stop me short. Told you.
SPEAKER_03You were so I didn't know, but that's that's well, you thought it was the lockdown. Do you remember the Globetrotters showed up? They played basketball with coconuts and shit, dude.
SPEAKER_04It was awesome, dude. They're fucking digging.
SPEAKER_03I loved when I did all and Globetrotters were the shit back in the day. They showed up on Scooby-Doo. Yeah. They showed up and you know, now it's like Nobody cares about the globetrotters. Yeah, we go down, we sit in the front row. Well, if you didn't have those security guards, remember they busted our stupid kids. Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's probably better now.
SPEAKER_04All right. Well, they're coming back, I'm sure. They just were here three weeks ago.
SPEAKER_03Oh, yeah. You didn't go.
SPEAKER_04I don't have the hookup in there.
SPEAKER_03Ah, bummer. Well, hey, let's take five. Oh god. Yes, please. We're gonna go take a piss break. We'll be right back. Hanging with you dying race. Dying.
SPEAKER_02I got this.
SPEAKER_03Welcome back to the human race show with Derek, Jeff, Abe, and Kate. Pretty inspiring shit, huh? You know I can tell. You can tell what? I can tell where you're going with it. Well, do you know? No. UFC baby. Domino. Dude, I am becoming a UFC fan.
SPEAKER_05At the White House? Is that the one you're talking about? They got one coming out that they're gonna do at the White House.
SPEAKER_03Well, let me know about that. But the point is, I'm becoming more of a fan now. Who's your favorite fighter? I like fucking Patty. Okay. Uh Patty the Batty? Patty's baddie. I was watching him versus uh the bearded eat guy doing wings last night. Anyway, UFC. I like Patty. Um but I'm starting to learn people now and really get into it because you don't have the pay-per-view. It's free. And now Wendy's into it too. She's like, oh, they got the fights tonight. It's kind of cool. It's all free. There's a lot of boring ass fights, though. You know. They're not doing those other cards are good though.
SPEAKER_05They're some of them are good. Some of them pull a champion out of them, dude.
SPEAKER_04Like it's because you Alright. It's because you don't know the fight game. I don't Okay. Sorry. I don't I don't know. What the fuck is this?
SPEAKER_03I don't know either. Go ahead. Is what I'm saying. It'd like make belittling me.
SPEAKER_04No, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_03You're a fan now because you don't know the fight game?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, you're a fan now because you you because you get it for free and you you don't have to pay for it other than your subscription. Well, okay.
SPEAKER_03Well, I'm doing the subscription and liking it.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I don't the only reason I know anything about UFC is because I listen to Joe Rogan and it comes up a lot.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_05A lot. So it's the only reason it's the only reason I know.
SPEAKER_03That one stuck. I saw it.
SPEAKER_05It's the only reason I know like writers and stuff like that.
SPEAKER_03Because he's the guy that announced well, you have uh Buffer, you know, but Bruce Buffer. Guys are a little outrageous, huh? Michael Buffer. Or Mike Buffer.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03Mikey Buffy. He's a little ra outrageous, but you got the other guy, he he's the guy that does our walk-up song for baseball.
SPEAKER_05Oh, yeah, on your app. On our app.
SPEAKER_03So and he emailed me, hey, I'm in Arizona for spring training. I'll get to your thing by tomorrow. I'm like, hey, no worries. Where are you playing? Maybe you can come. Yeah, why not throw out an email going, you're the one that freaking does our uh Joe Martinez. He's a UFC. Shout out Joe. Hey! Hey Joe! Joe!
SPEAKER_04Hey, Joe!
SPEAKER_03So I I was hoping I could get him to come announce our team live, you know. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04Dude, it's it's Michael Buffer.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_04Bruce Buffer. Okay.
SPEAKER_03One one does boxing. Yeah, that was uh five minutes ago. We're we're on the Joe Martinez anyway. I'm not trying to get Michael Buffer to the team. It's it's Joe Martinez, the other guy.
SPEAKER_04Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_03So anyway, but yeah, we're in we're enjoying the fighting now. It's kind of fun. It it again Since it's free, you don't have to pay the hundred and what was it, like a hundred and fifty. Used to be pay-per-view before.
SPEAKER_05Do you remember when they used to pass out the tapes of like the original like Ultimate Fighter? Like the old school ones, Hank or Tank Tank Abbott? Tank Abbott. Like all them dudes.
SPEAKER_03I don't remember the tape. I remember buying it pay-per-view in the army. We'd get Ken Shamrock, you had fucking Tank Abbott. Dude, I hated fucking Hoist Gracie because he would wrestle everybody. I'm like, I want to see people fight. And this dude and then Webb Webby, he was just a wrestler, so he goes, Oh fuck, I love him. Because he's like, no nonsense. I'm gonna take you down, submit you. I'm like, it's not even fun. I want to see him swing. Yeah, I want to see uh Silva. Well they got uh dude, that was awesome. I was really into it for like the first four hundred, you know, and what are they on? You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_05It's just wow, they just Rhonda Rousey's coming back to fight uh Gina. Is she coming back? Yeah, to fight Gina Carino. Carino?
SPEAKER_03Gina ass whooped, man.
SPEAKER_05No, but I don't know, Gina Carano's a fucking it's it's in it's in Rousey's gonna get her ass kicked.
SPEAKER_04It's a Netflix one? It's Zufa boxing. They're gonna box.
SPEAKER_03Rousey's gonna get her ass kicked. She's been out of the game too long.
SPEAKER_05But so is Gina Carino. She's been an act actress for.
SPEAKER_03Well, yeah, I like Rousey. We watched uh Rousey box one night or fight. Jeff was with me. We started at Brett's house, ended up at Mondo's house.
SPEAKER_04Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_03And no, that wasn't that was uh The Pacchio Pacchio fight. But I thought no, yeah, you're right. That it was fuck wrong. Surfing? I I was there. Dude. Yeah. Fuck, wrong fight. But this guy was anyway on the car. That was great. Teen Wolfing out surfing. But yeah, UFC, dude, let's let's get into it, man.
SPEAKER_04We rode from Brett's house to Mondo's house. It was not okay. But yeah, we did the whole teen teen wolf thing.
SPEAKER_03We weren't even ripped yet. Yeah. You know?
SPEAKER_04That that's a lie too. Well, we were buzzed.
SPEAKER_03We weren't ripped yet because at Mondo's remember we got there, that's where the fight was, and that's where we got. Yeah. But I got a picture of him in his gray shirt sticking his tongue out. Yeah. Surfing. I love how you cheating. That's fucking awesome, dude.
SPEAKER_05Changed your photo to the uh the you went and got get your lobster roll, and I took the photos of you with the freaking inflatable wacky.
SPEAKER_03We got Caitlin, you know the name. The inflatable.
SPEAKER_01Um the wacky wailing. Wait. I don't even remember what it is. Wacky wavy. Try to call on you for something.
SPEAKER_03Hey, so anyway, let's have a USC party. Okay. And we'll fucking bare knuckle it in the front yard and watch the fights on the big screen. You're fucking awesome.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Alright. Alright. I'm I'm gonna win. Okay. Let's go. Bare knuckle all of you? I win.
SPEAKER_05Oh yeah. But you could still Okay, what about the big inflatable gloves? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or the sumo sumo suits.
SPEAKER_04Hulk gloves. Hulk gloves. Hulk gloves. Hulk gloves. In the pool. Underwater. Not warm. The cold Hulk gloves water.
SPEAKER_03Like the the big green foam hulk gloves.
SPEAKER_05Get a couple of those and start throwing down. Alright. We put bocce ball in between.
SPEAKER_04Now I might quit.
SPEAKER_05He's like, now I'm in. No.
SPEAKER_04That sounds more good. Now I might quit. I don't want to, I don't want to do that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, let's do it. Because of the bocce?
SPEAKER_04It's cold.
SPEAKER_00My two kids love the Hulk, so we got these Hulk cans for them to play with. Got him. They're ordered, they're in the bathroom. You shopped everything through like TikTok.
SPEAKER_04Timu onto something. Timu Hulkans. They'll be there in like eighty eighty-seven months.
SPEAKER_05And they're gray. They're not even green. They never put the fucking powdered green down. Why the fuck do you guys always put order shit on Timu? They're the discontinued Hulkans. Dude. They got a piece of wrought iron in there.
SPEAKER_03You know, you're talking out your ass because I just said he orders the one that's the koozie.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_03You get those at Disneyland, and they had the Thanos one. So I'm staying online for the Spider-Man ride.
SPEAKER_04And you're like, I'm Thanos, I have all those. I didn't have it.
SPEAKER_03This other dude had it. And I'm like, I'm kind of jealous, man. I think I I need one of those beer holders, babe. It's a fucking total badass thing, dude. Yeah, well, it's uh California adventure.
SPEAKER_04But it but if you have the Thanos hand, you're like, no, dude, I get to the front of the line or else snap my finger.
SPEAKER_03I even that's weird you said, because I even go, dude, just go. Just go. But he's standing there like this, dude, with this fucking fake hand and beer and he's drinking. No, he was fun. He had his kid with him.
SPEAKER_04No, what I'm saying, I'm not call him an asshole. I'm not calling him an asshole. But if you have the Thanos glove, you're like, no.
SPEAKER_03Excuse me.
SPEAKER_04If if if you buy the Thanos glove.
SPEAKER_03That's almost like ha wearing a fucking laminate. Excuse me. Like to get by now. Yeah, the fucking whole thing. Yeah, it should be front of the line. You're right.
SPEAKER_04If you if you buy the Thanos glove, that should be.
SPEAKER_03But it's funny because I'm going, I think I want one of those. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Because, you know, Thanos, all Thanos has to do is snap fingers. So we're going to go hawk gloves and uh duke it out.
SPEAKER_05The pool.
SPEAKER_03Alright, let's do it.
SPEAKER_05All right. Or maybe a little pool of lube, but I mean, I don't know.
SPEAKER_03Well, come on there, Diddy.
SPEAKER_05We'll get some baby oil.
SPEAKER_03Okay, well, we're gonna go out and work on that. Okay. We're gonna cut this short and go work on this. Yeah. Oh, wait. Floundering. No, not floundering. You're floundering. We're floundering. You got a game. It's not a game. It's not a game.
SPEAKER_01Oh. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Pick your best one and give it to us.
SPEAKER_01Best one. Okay.
SPEAKER_03This is Neil Diamond. Neil Diamond's greatest hits.
SPEAKER_05Cresclen Rose kid on buff. Hey. You'd play the song for two seconds, then you gotta guess which Neil Diamond song this is.
SPEAKER_03Dude, I think I might win. I'm getting good at this show.
SPEAKER_05Would you do would you play that? Would you go on and play the name of the song in three notes? Oh, yeah. Two notes. Oh, I'd fucking kill that. You'd kill that?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. Oh, dude, me and Wendy actually watched it recently.
SPEAKER_05Jen and I don't get into like like game shows. We don't typically either, but except Joe watches.
SPEAKER_03Alright, what do you got? You got give me your best one. Alright, so This is Would You Rather?
SPEAKER_01Would you rather have to go the rest of your life without watching any TV shows or movies? Or the rest of your life without listening to any music or podcasts?
SPEAKER_05TV shows. I need music.
SPEAKER_03Music is is that that's definitely TV for me, but I gotta like no videos, no, okay. No, you're saying that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like nothing visual or nothing audio.
SPEAKER_03I think I'll audio. I'd rather go audio. No, I'm gonna go with the video. You know why? Why? Because you can watch music videos. Because I can watch music video. Fucking music videos, dude. I get that. Boom!
SPEAKER_05Loopholes, loophole. But like driving everywhere, you can watch next.
SPEAKER_01What? What do you mean?
SPEAKER_05Because you can play if you're saying you can do video, you can just throw a music video on YouTube and listen to music that boom.
SPEAKER_01Fuck. Then you're still listening to music.
SPEAKER_03I'm watching music.
SPEAKER_01But you're listening to it.
SPEAKER_03No, I'm hearing it. There's a difference between listening and hearing. I could hear it. Oh yeah, I hear music. I uh just hear music. I gotta go.
SPEAKER_01You're not watching music video for the plot, like just what you're supposed to make. But what if a lot of uh music doesn't have music videos though?
SPEAKER_03Whatever. I could watch videos and listen to music. Hey, we'll be right back. We're gonna we'll be right back. We have emergency. Bye. Round two. You know what this song reminds me of now?
SPEAKER_05Rosetta Arquette.
SPEAKER_02Portellos, Portellos Welcome back to the show.
SPEAKER_03Uh we're we're we regrouped. We did. Um had a quick emergency uh would you rather yeah, hey buddy. Yeah. There you go. Take a picture of me holding it. Thanks, brother. No worries, guys. Y'all have a good one. Thank you. What is it? Is it for me?
SPEAKER_01It's mine.
SPEAKER_03Get it get it out of here. What'd you order?
SPEAKER_01It's a it's a shirt.
SPEAKER_03Get it out of here. Throw it away. Good job. Portillas.
SPEAKER_05Portilla, every time.
SPEAKER_03So last episode we talked about Vinny's tournament. On the way down, Vinny goes, You guys want portillas? I'm like, fuck yeah, dude. Like, of course I do. We get not even a half a block away. I start Rosanna up. I'm like, Eat you every day. Jump back into But man, I was hung over from the day before. Obviously.
SPEAKER_05That grease probably got you going good though.
SPEAKER_03Well I did my normal baked chili dog and the beef and cheddar. I got down the chili dog and some fries, and I'm like, fuck. And that was rough, you know. But yeah, it kind of beefed me back up, dude. Like is what saves you. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05When you when you're hungover. Love that place. Well, dude, we've been uh we've been I was telling you about last time about losing weight. We've been on a strict diet of like chicken rice and a veggie. Like real literally, that's all we've been eating to try to lose weight. We started that this week. Yeah, yeah. Jen's doctor put her on a strict diet, right? So chicken the other night. Yeah, so I've been trying to be a supporting husband, and but every now and then I sneak away and I go to like fucking In and Out. Jen's like, I saw you in an Inner Out today. I was like, no, no, just go. I went in there for an iced tea. She's like an eight dollar iced tea. I was like, yeah.
SPEAKER_03They threw in a double double. Yeah, I don't know what to do. I just tell him no. So yeah, we started that too. I'm like, fuck man. Dude, I again I gotta I gotta chill out here.
SPEAKER_05I'm tempering no drinking them.
SPEAKER_03So I chilled here and there, and now I'm like, let's buckle down and just eat a little better. Oh, dude. Last week it was horrible with the hooters, and we went to Italian food and all that shit.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And so Monday we had fucking the chicken that you buy that's already cooked. Chicken from the store. Chicken from the store, we call it. Called chicken from the store. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Those are good, dude. Dude, you can squeeze like two meals out of those. Do one one night with some veggies and thing, and then the next day do like chicken tacos or something.
SPEAKER_03And that's dinner. You know, fill you up. I don't need to eat all this bullshit. And yesterday I went out and ate cheeseburgers.
SPEAKER_05Dude, but I will tell you, more than drinking, because like again, I told you, you know, I was off drinking for a couple of weeks and everything. Not drinking, easiest thing in the world. Not fucking eating what I want to eat sucks, dude. That is more of a challenge.
SPEAKER_03Just walking out in the kitchen, you know, and you're like, ah, fuck, I ain't gonna be.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, yeah. Dude, totally. I'm like, how do I maybe cut up some cucumber and like a little lemon and salt? So cheese we're still doing.
SPEAKER_03I'll walk in and be like, ah man, I fucking need a snack. I'm like, oh string cheese. You know.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Have you ever eight string cheese? You know, that's probably not.
SPEAKER_05Have you seen that joke where that's like, do you want to eat like six string cheeses in a row? And you're like, ew no. They're like, what if we bread them and serve them with marinara sauce? You're like, yeah, I'll have that shit.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, dude.
SPEAKER_05Those are mozzarella. Yeah. You want to eat six uh string cheeses in a row, but fucking bread them, fry them, and throw some uh some marinara, you'll eat the shit. We're creative. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I like eating too, you know, but chicken thighs, chicken thighs we do.
SPEAKER_05And then I get the uh Los Calientes chicken wing sauce, and we just do chicken thighs and I marinate them in that uh Los Calientes green.
SPEAKER_03Chicken is the base of dieting in my you know in my case.
SPEAKER_05The doctor even said poultry. Don't eat beef, don't eat anything else, limit limit your fat intake, no carbs, nothing.
SPEAKER_03We'll do some tacos and shit. Tacos ain't bad.
SPEAKER_05We let us wrap them, dude.
SPEAKER_03We're trying to go. Or we didn't do burgers, uh, but now we have like a pita fucking top, right? Yeah, I'm like, I'm gonna give it a shot here, sure you know? Sure. I'm gonna give it a fair shake. We want you around forever, bro. Well, I know. That's when I'm like, you know, fucking Abe's gonna miss me.
SPEAKER_05My dad had two stints added after a quadruple bypass. My dad had a quadruple bypass four years ago, and then he had two more stints put in. No, you don't want that. You don't want his genetic though, which scares me, because now I'm like the average of what? Fuck. I'm I'm he was 58 when he had a quadruple bypass. And I'm 40. It's like 41. Yeah, I'm 41. It's like how like I can't do that to myself, so I'm really trying to like.
SPEAKER_03I know it's weird shit that you think about too, you know, like that you gotta motivate yourself, you know.
SPEAKER_05Like well, the dog has been our big motivation, dude, having Loki. Like, I walk.
SPEAKER_03Well, you gotta go walk him for twice four miles or whatever.
SPEAKER_05Twice twice a day for an hour, and even after the hour when I get him home, he starts running around like a fucking madman, going, Hey, let's play some more. And I'm like, God damn it, dog, we just went for an hour. You gotta chill that shit out. No, buddy. I need him to keep up that energy. No. He woke up in the middle of the night the other day, spooky, barking at nothing. Three in the morning, he's on the bed with us, and he wakes up barking at the doorway at our bedroom. And I was like, fuck are you barking at, dude? Keep telling yourself it's nothing. Did Courtney ever stare at nothing? Uh-uh. Okay. She used to do that too. She used to stare at nothing, and I was like, Keep telling yourself it's nothing. It is nothing.
SPEAKER_03Oh ho ho ho. Yeah. It is nothing. It's bullshit.
SPEAKER_05But that little motherfucker woke up in the middle of the night just for parking.
SPEAKER_03No, dogs know, dude.
SPEAKER_05Dogs do know.
SPEAKER_03Dogs know. Dogs know. I see well, Nikki did it, but she was old and a ding bad at the point.
SPEAKER_01I remember like at the house, like when I was still a teenager, she would do that, and I like would be home alone. You guys would be out or something, and it would scare me so bad. She would just be barking literally, like, at nothing, like at the wall.
SPEAKER_03Dennis did it a couple weeks ago, and it it's weird when you're laying in bed and he just jumped and it wasn't you, because he'll hear you or Vinny cut get up or something. But it was something. And now my heart starts like racing. Should I get up and go look?
SPEAKER_05Go see what he's barking at. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03And I'm like, nah.
SPEAKER_05I was opening the drawer already. He was barking.
SPEAKER_01I was opening up the drawer and I was like, uh, do I Yeah, you're like that the other day when you guys were gone, when you guys were in Phoenix. We were laying on the couch. It was pretty late at night.
SPEAKER_03Well, is he looking at the back door?
SPEAKER_01No. Because I know when he does it at the back door, it's usually his reflection.
SPEAKER_03No, it was He sees his fucking reflection. Adorable.
SPEAKER_01But you can't No, like he got up and like it was almost towards the front door.
SPEAKER_03Oh. Well, probably a T Vuncher. Skunks run out front. Is he a TV? I got into this thing where I they say bluey, the kid show. The dogs like it.
SPEAKER_01The colors That's like the other only colours they can see.
SPEAKER_03So I put it on and he watched it. Didn't I like checking out the biggest thing?
SPEAKER_01I usually put it on when I leave the house.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, blue for him. And he'll watch it a little bit. But sometimes you'll catch him just get into something, but most of the time he's like, eh, whatever.
SPEAKER_05Our dog is kind of a TV watcher.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_05He'll sit a little bit and like I never had a dog that did that. So he'll do I have a video of Jen showing him videos on the phone of dogs on her TikTok, and he's just sitting there. I don't know if it's the noise or what is it.
SPEAKER_03Well, see, I'll do that. I'll put on like a TikTok of dogs, like you know, I'm like, oh look how cute he is.
SPEAKER_05But it's crazy because we have a dog again that has his eyesight and ears good again.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_05Already was blind and deaf, and so she didn't see shit, so she was always just sitting down doing nothing. But Lovely.
SPEAKER_03This one's so perky and anything.
SPEAKER_05We're out in the field and he knows when there's the dogs out there in the field, I'm like, grasshopper? And he chases the butter, the little like butterflies in the in the field. How are the butterflies? He's a year, maybe a year or two months now, I think. But we're past our three weeks phase.
SPEAKER_03So he's added a puppy and uh no, because he still wants to play. But still, I mean he's got the puppy energy, but he's not like a he's a year.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, yeah. He still wants to play, he still wants to do things.
SPEAKER_03But I mean, fuck, you're gonna be a puppy for three years or something, but yeah, you know, he's not a like a goofball still.
SPEAKER_05He's gets al get along with all the uh dogs in the neighborhood, so take him to dog park? Not yet. No, not yet. They're saying something about like Parvo going around with all the dogs, so they're like, don't take him the even the the people we adopted on from, they're like, maybe avoid dog parks for a little bit. Let's see if he gets his immune system up and blah blah blah blah blah. I'm like, yeah, whatever. Whatever.
SPEAKER_03I don't even know what the fuck we were talking about there.
SPEAKER_05I think we were going in about uh uh fuck, yeah. Now we circle back to this. Yeah, well fucking dog waking up in the middle of the night barking at fucking ghosts.
SPEAKER_03Barking at ghosts. Anyway, let's get the fuck out of here, dude. Yep. We had a good run. Yep. We're sorry.
SPEAKER_05I like your shirt by the way.
SPEAKER_03I got lots of shit to talk about, but you know. Okay. I'd rather talk to you off air. Oh, thanks, but let's call it, dude. Yeah, yeah. Hey, we're off we're the human race. Thanks. Peace.