S6 Ep.#20- The Big Ern Comb Over

The Guys Talk About Jeff's Hair, Barber Shops And Beer, Snacks, Caits Baby's Name, H.S. Baseball,  Boom Ball Review, Derek And Vinny Are Going To Umpire Little League And Other Nonsense. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:10

The Adams County Sheriff kicked down my door. Then I heard the glass break. They found no kidnapping victims. Just some lemon pound. Mama's lemon points.

SPEAKER_03 0:42

I just came across his this weekend. Lemon pound cake.

unknown 0:47

He wanna put down his own.

SPEAKER_03 0:49

Welcome to the human race show. Derek and Jeff hanging out with you.

SPEAKER_00 0:53

What the fuck is this?

SPEAKER_03 0:54

It's a dude because I got high, Afro Man. Well, I know Afro man, he's from Lancaster. I lived in Palmdale. He's in Palmdell from Palmdale. Alright. But because Jesse Jesse knows him from there too, but he got busted. They were trying to bust him with weed and um why is it Adam's County? I don't know. Is that better? Yeah, it's better. That's I don't know that it was Adam Cake. Add him fucking found him. Anyway. No, Adams County. I know. Adam's family, you know. Lurch comes in. But they have this whole TikTok viral thing where they they show the cops coming in. And there's this fucking cop who walks by and he notices the pound cake.

SPEAKER_06 1:43

And he starts tearing into pound cake.

SPEAKER_03 1:45

He backs up and looks at it again. They're supposed to be on the look and he can't keep his eyes off of it. So he went and made a song about it. They tried suing him over the song. But we were driving it, it came through my list. I'm like, this is fucking fun. Under the boardwalk.

SPEAKER_06 2:03

Yeah, I got that part. I thought I thought you were I thought it was going towards the shit that we were talking about before because of your cards of Ed Gean shit. Oh no. I thought that was Adams County, Georgia, or some shit like that. That's what I thought it was. I don't even know. I don't even know where that's right. That's just what I thought. I thought you you you delved into your little bag of tricks.

SPEAKER_03 2:20

Oh my new cards, they are cool, aren't they?

SPEAKER_06 2:22

Come on. For the past 20 minutes.

SPEAKER_03 2:26

15.

SPEAKER_06 2:27

25?

SPEAKER_03 2:28

I showed you my cards.

SPEAKER_06 2:30

You are a nerd. They're not nerdy cards.

SPEAKER_03 2:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 2:34

I I okay. They're not. By the way, it's it's Jeff and Derek. Yeah, I said Derek and Jeff. Okay. Did you? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:42

It's just Derek and Jeff today.

SPEAKER_06 2:44

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 2:45

Abraham will be here. I've been collecting these two.

SPEAKER_06 2:47

Got it, got it, need it, need it, got it. What the fuck are the let me see that one?

SPEAKER_03 2:51

Disneyland, the rides and shit. New set. I I took a little break on the football and the weird shit and gotten this different weird shit. I just okay. But dude, I gave you a nice card today. Yes, you did. It's a great card.

SPEAKER_06 3:07

I would we're we'll talk about that. Okay, so here's what you do to me, okay? I'm trying to do something that needs to be done. Yeah. And then you're just rattling off shit at me. Dude, you're in my house. No, no, no. We're having a couple drinks. I'm excited. You do it at the steam delivery plant, too. You're like, you start talking to me, and I'm like, bro, I'm counting steam.

SPEAKER_03 3:27

You're always too busy for me. That's what it seems like.

unknown 3:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 3:33

I fucking don't even get to see you. I'm excited that hey, check this out. And you're like, oh dude, I can't fucking talk right now. I gotta haircut.

SPEAKER_06 3:40

I'm trying to get okay. Well, that was part of it today. Yeah. The other one was the dog. Yeah, okay. Okay, but I didn't even see you today. Okay. I waved to you. I'm talking about like you you the other day, you're just like you'll get there before me, and you're already done, and I gotta count and I gotta do shit. And you're like, hey man, so check this out.

SPEAKER_03 3:58

So the I don't talk to you that much, dude. Gotta be honest. No. If I do, you better listen. Because it ain't no off.

SPEAKER_06 4:06

It's just that you're taught. I just went did the no. No. I just did the no. I know. Fuck, I hate it. I hate when I do that. Stop that.

SPEAKER_03 4:12

The no bell today.

SPEAKER_06 4:13

Uh yeah, let's please do the no bell. You start talking to me, and I'm I'm thinking about 90 different things that I just gotta do to get the fuck out of here. And you're like, hey, so purple's purple. I'm not gay and doing that. I don't mean it like that. I'm just saying that you make me sound like a fucking food cake.

SPEAKER_03 4:29

But I'm not making trying to make it. I'm excited to talk to my friends.

SPEAKER_06 4:32

Like, hey dude, hot dogs. I was eating a hot dog, and it's like stuff that like doesn't like I'm like I drive around all day by myself.

SPEAKER_03 4:39

I'm excited to see a fucking buddy and tell you something, and uh and then I get shot down like I'm too busy to fucking fuck you, dude. And then the next three days when I don't talk to you, you're like, oh, the guy's a dick, he won't talk to me. Well, fuck you.

SPEAKER_06 4:51

I don't I don't ever think that. Yeah, you do at all.

SPEAKER_03 4:55

Actually, most of the time, you'd rather me not talk to you, honestly.

SPEAKER_06 4:58

Just no, it's not that I it's not talk, it's just like yeah, cool.

SPEAKER_03 5:04

We talk enough work shit. I'm just trying to throw something else in there. Hey, I bought an off card.

SPEAKER_06 5:08

Yeah, but like literally the brakes just got done cooling off, and I'm open. Dude, you knocked on the door today. I tried to open my door yesterday. Yeah, and you're like, your hair looks like shit. Dude, you look like you just gotta fight with a rock. You know what, you know what I think I look like? I look like uh um not Munson, but uh Big Earn, Big Earn McCracken.

SPEAKER_03 5:28

I looked at the rear view and I was like you take such pride in your hair and stuff, and you're always looking sharp. Your hair was like fling down. It looked like you fought a badger or something.

SPEAKER_06 5:39

Like okay, but there there is a reason, but I also knew. I so when I I put pomade in my hair, so it's grease. Yeah. So when I'm getting close to getting a haircut, I won't put the pomade in my hair.

SPEAKER_03 5:51

Oh, is that what was going on?

SPEAKER_06 5:52

Yeah. So when you said it, I would all day I was like you knew it, huh?

SPEAKER_03 5:56

No, but I was You look like you just kind of fight with the socials.

SPEAKER_06 6:01

Come on, pony boy, dude. But then I looked at, and then so I the way I cut my hair now is I cut a hard part, and then like so the hair goes long this way, like almost like a comb over in a weird way.

SPEAKER_03 6:11

Yes.

SPEAKER_06 6:12

But it is so I when when you told me that, I looked in like that shitty, it's not a really a rear view, it's like the rear view thing. The long hairs are hanging off over here. Dude, you just look over at me. I'm like, oh rough day. Well, I was at first I wasn't even looking at you.

SPEAKER_03 6:27

I wanted to fuck with you and say, You look like a bag of shit. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? I didn't do that. I didn't do that.

SPEAKER_06 6:34

I I know, but I but I looked over and I was I was like, I can't wait to talk about this on podcast. Dude, I look like bigger and McCracken. Because the long hairs on this side were hanging.

SPEAKER_03 6:44

Yeah, your part like is in the side of your head. It's almost like a come over, yeah. Well, it I just what I do it's getting further and further towards your ear.

SPEAKER_06 6:53

It's not. It it's higher up on my head, dickhead. Go the other way. You're out of the wrong way. Um, so the way I cut my hair for everybody listening, all one of you. Um I I shave it basically up to my part, and then the the my hair on the top of my head, I I comb it over, comb over. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 7:16

Yeah. But when they're Are you balding? Are you doing that for a reason or no? Just no. That's the look you're going for. Yes. Oh, hey, but it looks good on you.

SPEAKER_06 7:26

Get a free bowl of soup, huh? But I when I look it you so I was looking at Ben, I had my sunglasses on, and I don't think you noticed that I wasn't looking at you.

SPEAKER_03 7:34

I was looking I noticed you weren't looking at me. So I could see your goofy ass flop.

SPEAKER_06 7:38

All of a sudden I I looked at, I'm like, oh shit, Derek's right there. And then you're like, hey, what's up with your hair?

SPEAKER_03 7:47

I can see I gotta get I gotta take every jab I can at you.

SPEAKER_06 7:50

You know, I know, but I can see the look on your face.

SPEAKER_03 7:52

You're like and then I look at the rear view and I'm like no bigger and McCracken. No smile, no, like what's up or nothing. You just looked at me and I just You startled me. I'm like, well, I was trying to open your door and be like a valet.

SPEAKER_06 8:05

I was gonna roll the window, but then doors open and hey nice hair.

SPEAKER_03 8:08

I was trying to be a gentleman and before ladies first. Before before I could even say anything, I just noticed your hair.

SPEAKER_06 8:16

And it and then I had like the Superman wisps too. Oh, yeah. I was I was disheveled. It was it was not a good look for the J Bone.

SPEAKER_03 8:24

And then I come in and try to tell you about something. You're like, dude, I just come on, I don't fucking have time for this shit. I'm just like, I feel like a dick.

SPEAKER_06 8:32

No, because I walk in and you have fucking your your your grabbies and your gibbeys fucking shit on.

SPEAKER_03 8:37

No, it was not grabbies and gibbies, it was shit I bought for you. I'm like, I'm trying to show you, hey, look, I I picked you up something.

SPEAKER_06 8:43

Okay, and you're like, hold on, man. Nine times nine times out of ten when I come in, you're on your work phone, but then you have a TikTok or whatever some dude selling shit. Yeah. And I just I okay, why not? Whatever. I don't know what it is. Yeah. And I'm not talking shit. I'm just saying, you have that going, so you're like kind of like like doing this, and then and then you look over at me like, dude, this dude's selling a Betamax 12,5800.

SPEAKER_03 9:10

And I'm like, I'm just goofing.

SPEAKER_06 9:13

I agree, but the I'm literally dropping my shit off so I can go back out. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, cool. Like I I yeah, yeah, cool you a lot.

SPEAKER_03 9:21

I yeah. Too much. One day you're gonna miss it. Is this art? Is this art therapy session? Not sure.

SPEAKER_06 9:28

Okay, hold my hand. All right, let's talk about it. And reaching out. Did I get it? But you know, that was that was funny. I was already done.

SPEAKER_03 9:37

Rough day, huh? What the fuck's up with your hair, man? Hey, speaking of hair, man, this is this is amazing. Uh Vinny gets his hair cut at a place called uh Sausies. Sausies. Do you know where it's at? No. Go there. It is the shit, dude. I'm still going on my dude. Yeah, well, you want to never venture out. Hottie? Are you talking about hottie? No, no.

SPEAKER_06 10:04

No, I don't want some other dude rubbing. I don't want another dude rubbing his balls on my fucking elbow, but the dude, the but the dude I know. You know what I'm saying? These guys are I'm I'm f this elbow and this elbow is familiar with his balls, okay?

SPEAKER_03 10:16

Okay, I'm gonna be completely honest. I gave him shit because he keeps wanting to go here.

SPEAKER_06 10:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 10:24

And they do like fucking lines in your head. Anything you want. A lot of Edgar's, you know, all the new cool, but whatever. That's what he wants. So I walk in, dude. This chick, she's from like LA with sauce, saucy or whatever.

SPEAKER_06 10:40

That's her, that's her.

SPEAKER_03 10:41

It's her place.

SPEAKER_06 10:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 10:44

Fucking rad, dude. I walk in. Big surprise, they're from California. I'm not even four steps in. And she's like, hey, welcome in. You got an appointment? Or uh walk in. Oh, we got an appointment here at four. Cool. Hey, grab yourself a beer and some pizza. Oh, nice. And I I look at her, I go, What? For real? She goes, Yeah, open that cooler. Cooler's full of Modellos. Fucking four pizzas up on the counter and a box of donuts. Is that every day? No, Fridays. Uh see, you can't. See, I thought it was every day. I thought it was every day. Go there on a Friday. So I'm like, and she goes, grab a seat. There was an empty chair. I'm sitting in the charity, like fucking drinking beers. Like, this is fucking nuts. Got any line? Dude, immediately call Wendy. This place is rad. Everyone's haircuts were perfect. Like, they really focus on beard. There were three guys in there with beards. They really do your beards up. It seems like it takes a while.

SPEAKER_06 11:41

My my dude's not the best with beard. Oh, the two.

SPEAKER_03 11:43

So maybe I'll go to the There's a fucking dude bald and he was in the chair longer than fuck. But I'm telling you, the black sack dude. The beard comes back, I I'll So I stand up and I'm like, well fuck, if no one else is here, I'll can I get a haircut? And they're like, oh, there's a waiting room in the back. And I I'm like, oh, you told me to sit right here. She goes, No, you're fine. So I go in the back, foosball table.

SPEAKER_06 12:08

I was gonna say, is there a stripper pole?

SPEAKER_03 12:09

Fucking TV, foosball table. They got like Wu-Tang playing and shit. Fucking awesome. You know where affordable furniture on 2nd Street, like right by the old better built. Basically across the street from McDonald's.

SPEAKER_06 12:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:24

Up there on that furniture road. Yeah. It's right in there.

SPEAKER_06 12:28

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 12:29

I'm I'm going, dude, like, wow. They were impressive.

SPEAKER_06 12:33

Good.

SPEAKER_03 12:34

And how much? 30 bucks. 32. I'm not going. Maybe? I'm not going.

SPEAKER_06 12:40

17.

SPEAKER_03 12:41

Yeah, well. Today. Looks like 17.

SPEAKER_06 12:45

But you can't even see it. I got a hat on. But I can tell. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 12:48

Same haircut. You get every week. Did you get a haircut? No, I'm going there. Oh, okay. I'm going there for you. I didn't get a haircut. I'm going tomorrow.

SPEAKER_06 12:55

You actually are you actually going to start taking a little bit of pride in your fucking hair? No. You're going to go like at least once a month, not every six months, like a shit dick.

SPEAKER_03 13:06

I don't go every six. I go about every three. But I'm going to try to go every two. But sometimes I want to grow my hair out.

SPEAKER_06 13:15

To look like a bag of ass?

SPEAKER_03 13:17

I don't look like a bag of ass. I wear a lot of hats.

SPEAKER_06 13:19

Okay, so one and a half bags are better. I'll take it down by a half a bag.

SPEAKER_03 13:24

You're one of the few that sees me without a hat. I usually have a hat. You don't fucking know. I know when I take it off, it looks like shit to you.

SPEAKER_06 13:32

Yes, you can tell because all of the sh the spider webs crawling out of your hat, the tentacles.

SPEAKER_03 13:38

It goes through stages. And that's a bad stage.

SPEAKER_06 13:42

And mostly hat hair. Yeah. The one stage.

SPEAKER_03 13:45

I got this stupid ass calic that every morning, dude, looks good. I haven't been putting product in. Yeah, dude, by the time I get to work, I'm like, fuck, I throw throw a hat on for 10 minutes to flatten it. Like, fuck.

SPEAKER_06 14:04

I understand, but one of the reasons why I do cut my hair this way is because I have two calicks right next to each other. It's called the double crown. And that's where the the uh what's the kid? Fucking black and white TV. Yeah. Alfalfa. No. Well, Alfalfa had one. Mr. Wilson. Oh, Dennis and Menace. Dennis and Menace and Alfalfa. The reason why their hair goes boink is because that part is where the end of one of my crowns is. It's like right in the middle of the colour.

SPEAKER_03 14:35

Dude, if I was to cut my calloic and go boink, it would be I'd have to cut like the top of my head. The back of my hairline and be like way up here.

SPEAKER_06 14:44

It's a guinea calloic you got. It's a weird, but you do grow, you do grow a mean set of hair. I will say that. Yeah. So do I. That's the reason why I get my hair cut all the time.

SPEAKER_03 14:52

It's not bald, but it sure is gray.

SPEAKER_06 14:56

Fuck the I don't give I don't care. I don't give a shit. I don't care. Hey, you're you don't you're you're you don't have the cul-de-sac. You don't have the fucking island.

SPEAKER_03 15:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 15:03

Neither do I'm fine. Growing great sets of hair. So fuck get it hair. I want to get a haircut.

SPEAKER_03 15:08

I want to grow it a little longer and do the old totally Italian fucking big pop. Just Italian feathered fucking. We should do the duck butt, dude.

SPEAKER_06 15:17

You know what the duck butt is? Yeah. Where you fucking comb the sides back and then you fucking right down the middle in the back. Dude, that's what you should do.

SPEAKER_03 15:25

Now, this place, though, saucies, man. I'm gonna give them a free commercial. They do anything. Sausies. That's how you have to say it. It's like go ahead and get pizza. Hey, go check out saucies. I'm telling you, man. And then and go like this. If nothing, yeah. If nothing else, go in there on a Friday and just get free pizza fucking beer and pizza.

SPEAKER_06 15:43

Nothing else. Just sit there and they're like drinking. Hey, you got lime? Like, what are you guys doing? Nothing.

SPEAKER_03 15:47

Well, it's funny because one of the kids were uh yeah, we'll bring our own lime. Pull out a baggie of limes.

SPEAKER_06 15:52

Are you guys here to get a haircut?

SPEAKER_03 15:54

No, not really heard free beers on a podcast.

SPEAKER_06 15:57

Or we should go in with our podcast shit and not plugged in. Yeah, we're doing a podcast.

SPEAKER_03 16:03

But she's all cool that they do a lot of graffiti and shit in there. She's she used to run with all these okay.

SPEAKER_06 16:11

Yeah, I mean, yeah. Free free advertisement.

SPEAKER_03 16:15

She is like there's there's no kicking her out of bed.

SPEAKER_06 16:19

Okay. But not for eating crackers.

SPEAKER_03 16:21

You know, my dad used to say, I don't know what that means. Because you don't eat fucking crackers.

SPEAKER_06 16:25

I'm not I'm not kicking her out of her bed for eating crackers. I always like looked at him like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_03 16:29

Oh, yeah, because you know, hey bitch, you eating fucking crackers in the house.

SPEAKER_06 16:32

I I thought maybe it was like uh she was a fat bitch. That's what I that's what I went with. Oh no.

SPEAKER_03 16:36

But she's eating all the time or something. Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_06 16:39

Or is it because then you're she make crumbs in bed? That's okay, it just dawned on me literally right now. Oh, really? Yeah. I always knew that.

SPEAKER_03 16:47

I don't well you don't want somebody eating crackers. I didn't notice that until I ate in bed a couple of times, and then like I wake up and you're like, hey, what's what's I had peanut butter crackers and I fucking lean my whole body off the side of the bed. Just so it crumbles down into the carpet. Then I'm trying to be quiet so you don't wake Wendy up. I'm with her and then right on your shoulder is Dennis. He's like, What's up? You got crackers, bro?

SPEAKER_06 17:08

Dude, I will narc you the fuck out right now if you don't give me some crackers.

SPEAKER_03 17:12

I'll be sleeping or laying there for an hour, and I get up and I'm gonna go get some water. And every time I get up, here comes Dennis.

SPEAKER_06 17:20

What are we eating, bro? And I'm like, You're gonna get a handful of string cheese or a handful of shredder cheese?

SPEAKER_03 17:26

I pay the cheese tax. Cheese tax. Cheese tax, man.

SPEAKER_06 17:30

Samson, it's not even the cheese tax with Samson. It's just fucking whatever you got. He's so used to fucking.

SPEAKER_03 17:36

Yeah, and I'm trying to get away from that because sometimes I gotta tell him, dude, dad's having a snack without you. And then I always save that last little That's what Nail Me afraid I do.

SPEAKER_06 17:49

Okay, here's my problem with Samson on that. Everything I eat is fucking spicy. So you can't give it to him. So you're just sitting there the whole time, drool, dude.

SPEAKER_03 17:59

He starts drooling. Maybe give it to him once and then he'll say, Fuck that, I ain't gonna be able to do it.

SPEAKER_06 18:05

And then I have diarrhea in the house because his asshole's burning. I'm not doing that either, because it's still my house and I don't want to smell diarrhea in my house. And I'm not saying he would shit, but at the same time, I'm not gonna put him through the fucking pain that I put myself through on my food. It's dude, it's a good pain though. It's so good. It's my favorite.

SPEAKER_03 18:27

I love the shit burns.

SPEAKER_06 18:29

Have you tried that fucking um that chiltipine salsita that's in the in the refrigerator at the steam plant?

SPEAKER_03 18:37

Dude, I don't I don't take anything from that fridge. There was shrimp in there for like three weeks.

SPEAKER_06 18:43

Mine. It's dried shrimp. It was in the freezer.

SPEAKER_03 18:45

It was in the freezer. It was in the fridge.

SPEAKER_06 18:48

No, not for three weeks. It was in the free. I put it in the f- It was in the fridge for like two days. I put it in the freezer. It's dried shrimp. Why? You put uh you put uh lime and and the coconut and the so you put it in the f is it still in the freezer? No, I got it out. I took it to the freezer in my house. Dude, they stink, they're dried, they're they're salt-dried shrimp.

SPEAKER_03 19:07

Every time I go get a like a bottle of water. Does it still smell like shrimp? No, not now, but and that whole week I'm like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_06 19:13

Yeah, well, I forgot it. I put it in the fridge, and then like it was over, it was a day, like a but they're dried, so they're it's not that they're rotting. Yeah, I I can't.

SPEAKER_03 19:22

It's just they're fucking but but like there's shit in there. I'm like, the fucking pasta from three weeks ago that's Jeff. Jeff brought in or something. I'm like, I'm not sure. The other Jeff anything in there.

SPEAKER_06 19:34

Like so on the top shelf, there's that that shit won't ever go bad. It's fucking pure chiltipine with fuck you can you can cook food in that shit. It won't go bad. Try that, that'll fucking light you up.

SPEAKER_03 19:48

Yeah, I'm yeah. I don't need that. I mean why not? What the fuck? I I'm too busy to be getting lit up.

SPEAKER_06 19:55

Making dude, I listened to it, making friends with the crow.

SPEAKER_03 19:58

Oh, that was a good one, huh? Dude, that's the one we listened to with Wendy.

SPEAKER_06 20:02

Oh my god, I forgot about that. Towards the end of it, I haven't seen the crows lately. I hated myself because I just kept fucking ra yammering. But just just the like, what do you you have so much time in your head? You're like, what do you do? And I'm like, nothing.

SPEAKER_03 20:16

Well, I'll come out here and fuck around like cards with the door open. And then you see I see the crows. You're like, you know what?

SPEAKER_06 20:23

I stopped to have a you me having the mental image of you like a falconer with a with a rubber dish glove on.

SPEAKER_03 20:30

I was fucking leading them with food too.

SPEAKER_06 20:34

I don't know if it dawned on me, but you said you kept you said it twice. Like, if he ever jumped on you, you would freak out. Oh, yeah. I would too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 20:42

Like, this is not really what I wanted.

SPEAKER_03 20:45

And and not just sh shtick. I put my arm out. I'm trying to get them off I believed you when you said that, but then you think about it, it's like that's fucking crazy, dude. Like, if he really hopped up on me. Yeah, but uh here's the big do they they have large talons?

SPEAKER_04 21:03

Do the chickens have?

SPEAKER_06 21:05

What the hell are you saying? Um they're super duper smart, so if you ever like bro down with one, he might be your bro for life.

SPEAKER_03 21:16

I know that's where that's the whole point. And he'll tell his friends.

SPEAKER_06 21:20

I don't think he's uh I don't think he's over there. Like, hey, check this out, bro.

SPEAKER_03 21:23

They are they they're the other thing I thought about you get with the murder the murderer crows, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 21:29

Yeah, you're you're a smart guy. I bet people didn't know that.

SPEAKER_03 21:32

Uh a group of crows it's called a murderer, a flock of crows is called a murder.

SPEAKER_06 21:36

Yeah. Um, if you give them a trinket, a lot of times they'll remember you.

SPEAKER_03 21:42

Ooh, okay.

SPEAKER_06 21:43

Like a bracelet, something something shiny. It could be a like a piece of fish in lure or whatever. Like if you get them to like be cool, where they're like feeding, and then you give them something. Sometimes there's people I've seen people like on the talk. Shorts or whatever. Yeah. Where they talked about making friends with a with this bird, and it's they gave him a trinket, and then they start bringing them shit.

SPEAKER_03 22:08

Oh, that'd be fucking rad, dude. Like, look what the crow brought me, dude.

SPEAKER_06 22:12

Yeah. Look what Steve Steven brought me today. I'd I'd name him like Larry. You wanted to name what did you want to name him? Oh, we were going Jaquiz.

SPEAKER_03 22:20

Yeah, he had to be amazing.

SPEAKER_06 22:21

I kept making the Negro reference.

SPEAKER_03 22:23

He has to well, he's gotta be, you know. Carmangello.

SPEAKER_06 22:26

Carmangello. We said Lamangelo and Orangelo.

SPEAKER_03 22:29

He's gotta be. He's gotta have anything. He can't be a Steve.

SPEAKER_06 22:32

No, I think you should name him Carl or something.

SPEAKER_03 22:36

Yeah. Just something normal.

SPEAKER_06 22:38

Yeah. You know, just something like that.

SPEAKER_03 22:40

We've been dicking with uh the baby name. Yeah. And we Kate's not here. She's working. She's doing really good. I'm so proud. Good. 40 hours a week lately. She's working.

SPEAKER_06 22:55

Big timer.

SPEAKER_03 22:56

Yeah, big time. Big time. The bitch makes fucking good money over there. Crazy. We bust her ass for fucking peanuts.

SPEAKER_06 23:05

I heard a story about that too. We'll talk about it after, but I was gonna ask for more, but then I heard to not. Should we? No, I heard to not. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:15

I'll tell you why later. Okay. But she's doing good. Potato potato. Uh but we came up with the name Skittles. No, it Damn it. This is the name. Skittles. Lucy Dale. D-A-Y-L E.

SPEAKER_06 23:32

Dolly.

SPEAKER_03 23:33

Well, my middle name is Dale. I know it is. Grandpa's name is Dale.

SPEAKER_06 23:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:38

But I have a customer named Dale as a chick.

unknown 23:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:42

Oh, that's cool. D-A-Y-E. Lucy Dale Torina.

SPEAKER_06 23:45

Okay. That's it's a good name. Solid name.

SPEAKER_03 23:48

It is.

SPEAKER_06 23:48

L D T. Liddit. So that doesn't say it's not like Yeah, we're not really going for that. No, no. I I'm not saying that you're trying to do that. I'm saying it so it doesn't say fag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I gotta go with a D-I-K. Yeah. Yeah, where do you go, Dick? You know. I was going for and then Lucy. I mean you you can go Lucy Boozy later on.

SPEAKER_03 24:15

Yeah, but she's like, well, Lucille. No, just fucking straight up Lucy. Lucille's kind of cool though. Well, that's Lucille, which we call Lucy, but you can you know that's an old school name, too.

SPEAKER_06 24:26

Bring it back the fucking old Lucille Ball. Yeah. And then they or she named her daughter Lucy. Or Lucille.

SPEAKER_03 24:33

And then there's a song Lucille.

SPEAKER_06 24:35

Lucille. Like Chuck Berry or something.

SPEAKER_04 24:40

Lucille.

SPEAKER_06 24:41

Chuck Berry? Yeah, I think it is Chuck Berry. I thought it was uh Lucy. Fucking fat dude.

SPEAKER_03 24:47

But Chuck Berry's guitar was named Lucille, actually. It's someone else.

SPEAKER_06 24:50

No, Chuck Berry sang it about his guitar.

SPEAKER_03 24:53

Was it?

SPEAKER_06 24:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:54

Lucille. Lucille. Lucille song.

SPEAKER_06 24:59

Everybody's phone goes off.

SPEAKER_03 25:00

Little Richard. Little Richard, there you go. You love Lil Richard. Oh. I do. The small dick.

SPEAKER_06 25:10

Um guitar uh what's the guitar player? The fucking.

SPEAKER_03 25:15

B.B. King.

SPEAKER_06 25:16

B.B. King. His guitar's name is Lucille. Thank you. That's God. I was fucking brain farting on that one.

SPEAKER_03 25:22

So Lucille. I like it. I do.

SPEAKER_06 25:26

I think it's I think it's good.

SPEAKER_03 25:28

I text her laying in bed. I'm like. The baby's name is Lucy Dale Torina. Final. Good night. And it kind of stuck.

SPEAKER_06 25:38

And no, we were trying to go for then put yourself on no contact or no.

SPEAKER_03 25:44

I think she was already sleeping for an hour when I did that. But that's the name. Lucy. Lucy Dale.

SPEAKER_06 25:52

I'm into it.

SPEAKER_03 25:53

Am I? And and she's got a song. Lucy and this guy with diamonds. Yeah, but that's about LSD, though. Yeah, well, still.

SPEAKER_06 26:00

I like how he tried to play it up. That's a beautiful song. Oh and beautiful. It's a prunk finding me. He said he said his son came up. Yeah, his son. It's a beautiful thing. I was like, you you are high off your ass.

SPEAKER_03 26:12

You're higher than Derek's parents. Yeah, Lucy and the Sky. But what else you got? Lucy. Uh well you got Lucille.

SPEAKER_06 26:20

You got there's an there's gotta be another Lucy song. There's like a pop punk punk song that was Lucy or something.

SPEAKER_03 26:27

I'm having a brain fart. But I like it. I'm brain farting. So that's that's her name.

SPEAKER_06 26:31

It's good. I like it. Let's take five and uh Yes, please.

SPEAKER_03 26:34

Abe's on his way.

SPEAKER_06 26:36

Gabe. Mr. I'll be here.

SPEAKER_03 26:39

Yeah. Hey.

SPEAKER_06 26:40

By the way, where are you at? Just so you guys know, we've only been recording for 26 minutes, but we've been here for an hour and 26 minutes.

SPEAKER_03 26:48

Well, you got here. Right at the fuck, yeah. Like three three minutes. An hour and twenty-two minutes, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 26:52

Yeah. I would have been here earlier.

SPEAKER_03 26:54

That's okay. The traffic the fucking traffic in Glassford right now is fucking retarded. Oh dude. We went to a we went to a baseball game before we get to break. We went to uh two days in a row now. High school ball was playing. They're playing Prescott. So it'd be good. I coached a bunch of those kids from Prescott. So we went to I'm going for Bradshaw because that's where we're gonna go.

SPEAKER_06 27:18

Why didn't you send him to Prescott by the way? Isn't there ball isn't there a ball team better?

SPEAKER_03 27:22

No. We had a better Seriously?

SPEAKER_06 27:24

Yeah. I thought Prescott fucking high school had a better ball team.

SPEAKER_03 27:27

No. So we played Bradscott program. No. Bradshaw's really used to. Okay. That's what I So the last two days varsity has played each other. One game there, and then last night here, we went to that one. Bradshaw won them both.

SPEAKER_06 27:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 27:44

And then the freshman team, though, that's what I took Vinny out. And uh I got four kids out there that I coached last year for Prescott. So I'm kind of like, gotta go for Prescott.

SPEAKER_05 27:57

Fuck you, little shit. You ain't on my team anymore. That's what I thought. I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 28:02

It was awesome seeing all the parents and No, I I know, but anytime he like anytime one of them flippoint would be like and then just kind of watch him go, damn it, coach.

SPEAKER_03 28:11

It's so different than even Travel Ball or and Little League, especially. You don't walk to the dugout. You know, I can't.

SPEAKER_04 28:18

No, I'm saying scream from the dugout. What's it?

SPEAKER_03 28:21

No one was fucking yelling nothing. Like why not? You go to our games, even people are like, hey, come on, blue, and yelling shit. Here everyone high school ball they changed, they'll kick you out. I can't even go to the dugout. So I'm like standing over there waving. Steven! I'm going over here.

SPEAKER_05 28:39

Look up here.

SPEAKER_03 28:42

And then the kid notices me. He's hey coach! I'm like, hey, dude. And I go, tell everyone I said hi, I don't want to get no one in trouble. I'm gonna flick a booger at you later. But we're watching him, and it's like Vinny goes, I think our team would beat both those teams right now. I'm like, you would. The varsity, the varsity team is no, it was the freshman team for high school. Our travel team of eighth graders would beat both those teams.

SPEAKER_06 29:07

Really?

SPEAKER_03 29:08

Oh, dude. They were they're all right, but they I think they just let anyone play. Like, I don't think you get kicked off of the once you get to JV and varsity, yeah, you gotta make a team.

SPEAKER_06 29:19

Ah, we didn't have a freshman team. We only had a few. I never heard of that either.

SPEAKER_03 29:22

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This I think they just let everyone. There's like fucking 28 kids in a dugout. It's like, what the fuck is that?

SPEAKER_06 29:27

Well, because also in a weird way, too. Like, no offense to cut you off, but like if you didn't make the team in in J V, it's like some k some kids ne have never played and they haven't really developed too, like right.

SPEAKER_03 29:41

But well, that's what I'm saying. But you can tell they could play, but they need Yeah, you need more fucking time. So I'm in for I I get it. I get it. I'm down with it. But dude, we would have whooped him, like go put our rebels against him, fucking smoke them. And I'm that's truth. So we go over and watch the JV. Vinny's like, I think we can fucking hang with these guys too. I'm like, I don't know, dude. I mean, they're they're a little stronger. Next kid gets up, hits one about 375 feet over the fence, almost in the parking lot. Oh. And Vinny looks at me and goes, Maybe not.

SPEAKER_06 30:17

I was gonna say that his little his little his little old pack ahead ego might be getting ahead of him a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 30:22

Oh, I got something to say about that before the break here, too. Um his hair now? I haven't seen him. It's the same. It's okay. He hasn't that he hasn't permmed his hair. It's still permed. That's his natural hair now.

SPEAKER_06 30:42

You think he's permanently like permanent?

SPEAKER_03 30:44

Well, I got curly hair, I did, except wearing a hat. When I let it he's putting product in it. He puts some stuff like a like a activator in it. I don't know what the fuck it is. He's got it by it's natural hair now. So I'm like, we can't really fuck with him like like he's permanent. He's just a natural alpaka head. So it could be just the way he's combing. And then we went to this uh boom ball, which I'll talk about. Most of us combed our hair back. We'll talk about the boom ball that we're gonna go to bananas and they they had a team called the llamas and uh the chaos or something. And they all have their hair permed. No, but I'm like, we naturally we have to go for the llamas, right? You're all like because I got two kids with me that look like llamas. I'm like, we're fucking llamas, right? You know, and that was a bust. Uh boomer bust, that was a bust, but we'll be right back hanging with you, Ms. Race. Never wants to be a good thing.

SPEAKER_06 32:36

Okay, now I don't even hear their story. They're gonna if you don't play this song during boom ball you couldn't, dude.

SPEAKER_03 32:44

It was fucking lap. I'm telling you, dude. I was but you think like welcome back to the show.

SPEAKER_04 32:50

Hey everybody, welcome to the street.

SPEAKER_03 32:54

They probably don't have the rights.

SPEAKER_06 32:55

You can you don't need rights to play that stadium.

SPEAKER_03 32:58

Yeah. You don't need rights anywhere, right? At least as far as we know. Right? No, dude, it was it was okay. We went to Boomball last Saturday. I was supposed to go to the banana. It's a brand new baseball game. This is a well okay, so they've never this is their very first game ever.

SPEAKER_06 33:26

Oh, this is that was brand that was their first flagship fucking first thing.

SPEAKER_03 33:31

So you couldn't find anything on it. How did you find it? Uh through Facebook or something. It was like, uh if you can't get take us to the big show. Oh it was the same night as Banana Ball. Makes sense now, yeah. So we're trying to catch come check out Boom Ball. Yeah. Trying to catch the overflow. Let's go check it out. So we went and checked it out. We ended up with right behind home plate, second row. And the front row right in front of us, no one's sitting there. We could have sat there, but we're fine, you know. Right. I put my feet up, whatever. Dude, first inning was very promising. I'm like, this is cool. So they put you got your whole team in the outfield, say.

SPEAKER_02 34:14

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 34:14

And your catcher. The other team's hitting, they have their own pitcher who's throwing lollipops. Well, I mean, like batting practice, yes. So you need to have some gas to get it over the wall. But yeah, they were they were still coming in and sinkers, yeah, he's not. Exactly. So they have it's a like a 10-minute inning. So they got five minutes to score as many runs as they can, you know.

SPEAKER_06 34:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 34:43

And it was cool.

SPEAKER_06 34:43

It's like, okay, you know, you're still throwing them in So if your team doesn't catch one in the outfield, it's a single or double or something.

SPEAKER_03 34:50

Yeah, you're running, you're playing baseball, it's just you have your own pitcher. So he's throwing you strikes.

SPEAKER_06 34:55

So you said I have a first baseman, second baseball. Yeah, full you said you're a team in the outfield. The field. All right, I thought it was like home run derby kind of thing.

SPEAKER_03 35:02

No, they have the full team out there, but you're pitching to your own team. Okay. And then you see they scored one run and five minutes or whatever. And then the next team comes up, they scored two, so they won that inning.

SPEAKER_06 35:14

Just like the bananas.

SPEAKER_03 35:16

That kind of thing. It's like, okay, it's a little different, but it's cool. So it's six inning game. Each inning is a different mini game, I guess you say. So second inning, okay, next innings coming up is trick shot inning. Okay. And it's fucking wild. We're so close. We're like field level, you know, right there. Second row. And they're hitting ground, like they got their own guy hitting fungos out to short, and he's like fucking behind his back, flipping it and throwing it to first, and you're watching. But there's also something going in the outfield with a trampoline. But we can't really see where we're at. Okay. They don't have it on a jumbo screen or nothing. It's like, what the fuck's going on? You know, like we're supposed to be watching everything. A little weird. But okay. We we just finished playing two games in the 100 degree weather all day. So I'm a little tired. A few beers, whatever. Third inning. It's fucking bizarre. They got like you hit the ball, and then you have to jump in a go-kart and make it to first. And your knees are up by your fucking ears. I mean, it was tiny little go-kart. It's like Mario Kart. And then from second first to second, you have like this football high knee thing shit. And then from second to third.

SPEAKER_06 36:43

And over the like over the ropes?

SPEAKER_03 36:44

Yeah, you have to do that thing. And then third, you have like a a weavy, there's like these poles that you have to weave through. I already hate this. And then third base to home, you put on this big bubble. You know, bubble.

SPEAKER_06 36:56

Like the gyro balls or whatever, like the hamster ball blown up.

SPEAKER_03 37:00

You have to roll home. So it's like I get the I mean, you have potential here. But it's chaotic and stupid. Yeah, it sounds awful. It's not great. And then they take a fucking 20-minute break. I'm like, fuck.

SPEAKER_06 37:18

The third inning stretch?

SPEAKER_03 37:19

Yeah, third inning stretch. And I'm like, I'm dying now at this point.

SPEAKER_06 37:24

I'm like, What time was this too?

SPEAKER_03 37:26

It started at seven. Oh. So it's only a two-hour game.

SPEAKER_06 37:28

So you're not in the sun again. Oh no, no. That's what I thought. Maybe you're out there going, okay. No, no, no. I am a toasted cheeser.

SPEAKER_03 37:35

Yeah. It was I'm Hamilton Porter. Then they like light this hula hoop thing on fire, and you gotta hit off a tee. Trampoline, high knees, hula hoop. So the third fire. Well, this is this is where it really got weird. You had to hit off a T in the like between the pitcher's mound and catcher's mound is this flaming hula hoop. Okay. And they have to hit off the T through the ring of fire. But on the right field, which you could barely see is another ring of fire. No, it's a fucking dunk tank. And you just see people dropping. I don't know what they're doing. And out in left field, which we could barely see at all, they had some kind of cannon gun. I think they were shooting hot dogs in the air, and then the outfielders had to catch hot dogs in their mouth? Or in the city, I just picture this. The mouth would have been much bigger. Picture a fat kid out there, like it was fucking goofy. Hey Lardass. So show down, wide load.

SPEAKER_05 38:34

Baba boo.

SPEAKER_03 38:36

So by the fourth that, I'm like, hey guys, man, it's fucking tired. Now they're already looking on their phones and shit. I could tell they were getting bored that the boys we brought in. Like, you guys want a boogie? Wendy's like, well, let's stay for one more. And I don't even fucking know what the next one was just even stupider. And I'm like, I'm out of here, dude. And so they start doing six inning was uh home run derby with they turned all the lights off. They gave you these like bracelets that they looked really cool.

SPEAKER_06 39:13

Like on the Eras tour.

SPEAKER_03 39:14

Exactly. I was gonna say like a Taylor Swift, everything it was really cool seeing all the braces.

SPEAKER_06 39:18

I mean, I don't know what that's about.

SPEAKER_03 39:19

Yeah, we do. It's awesome. We watched it. It was awesome. It's awesome. It is.

SPEAKER_04 39:23

It's awesome, dude. It was cool.

SPEAKER_03 39:24

So I'm like, well, let's move out and start heading to the parking lot and get out of here. But But it's glow in the dark balls. It's glow in the dark, the lights are out, and they're hitting home run derby. No one even hit a home run.

SPEAKER_06 39:35

The scientists from Fukushima.

SPEAKER_03 39:37

But I'm just like, hey, let's go out to this outfield area, maybe catch a ball or something, and not even close. And boogie. It sucked. Overall.

SPEAKER_06 39:50

So the glow in the dark balls only glow.

SPEAKER_03 39:53

They don't travel that far though, because they're not fucking bad. They're dead balls. Yeah, they're dead balls.

SPEAKER_06 39:58

But also, were they were they like the luminous where you crack them and you break them and then you and then you hit them? Or were they charge them by like you like by light? What's on a mask?

SPEAKER_03 40:11

They're they're they're charged.

SPEAKER_06 40:13

They got so they got the luminous you crack them. And put the little glower thing in, and then they die after you there's a little charging port on the ones online.

SPEAKER_03 40:24

Oh very tiny and it you plug it in. It's LED. It's an like an LED, it's it's fucking stupid, dude.

SPEAKER_06 40:32

But but then But they can't even hit like I was gonna say those ones you can't hit because you'll break them. So I'm saying they're very good.

SPEAKER_03 40:38

They go, that's a home run. I'm like halfway to the fucking fence. I don't know if they made a fence, invisible fence that we didn't see. I'm like, that ain't a home run. It's like this.

SPEAKER_06 40:49

Well, my dad, my dad would play night golf in in in Palmdale, and he would play with it was a well, they had that little tiny glow stick in the middle. Crack it and you stick it in the ball, but then those are dead balls too. They don't fly like regular golf balls. It's like a 20 or 30 yard difference.

SPEAKER_03 41:06

But it's cool.

SPEAKER_06 41:07

It's fun, but at least you can see the ball. But on the LED balls or the ones that are luminous that you have to charge by light. Like if the if they did those, but they'd have to like put like dude. One time we my dog had Bart had a had a glow-in-the-dark t-shirt. Remember sticking it under a light and then turning everything off, and it's like card. We took a spotlight that my stepdad had, like one of those fucking ones that looks like you know the laser light show, and we charged up Bart. And then he was in, dude. You just saw this floating skull going around. So they need to do that with the balls, is what I'm saying. But if they're if they weren't charged up enough, you can't fucking see them.

SPEAKER_03 41:44

Like, so we're out like left field at this point, and you could I couldn't see him pitched, but I could see them in the air when they hit him, you know, kind of is like, oh, there's the ball.

SPEAKER_06 41:57

Do you think do you think it's because you're old man eyes that you couldn't see him? Maybe a little part, but do you think Vincent was like, they're right there? No, no, because we were all with his nice sharp.

SPEAKER_03 42:08

We were all in the same boat going like the fuck is it? Oh, and you look and you just see this, and it was just a glimmer of something. So I get home or to the hotel, and it's like, yeah, dude. Okay, boom ball's been out now. We get on TikTok, see if anyone posted. Everybody's all boo. Dude, someone put this whole description so chaotic. You you can't watch everything. Good concept, but definitely needs work and all, you know, they were nice about it, whatever. First comment, me. I'm like, Yay! I said, dude, I said, I said the same exact shit. I mean, you have something maybe, but we didn't know where to look. You don't know what's going on.

SPEAKER_06 42:53

It's almost like you need to be in the nosebleeds and see what's going on.

SPEAKER_03 42:56

And there's no nosebleeds because they play at a spring training place. So we see is right there. I'm saying second row, but there's only the fucking 40, you know.

SPEAKER_06 43:04

Like it's not so you need to be in the 40th row.

SPEAKER_03 43:07

Yeah, you need to be on a row. The flaming stick of dynamite. Or play. Put it up on a screen, like the outfields and like I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 43:15

Do the minor league.

SPEAKER_03 43:16

But it had guys and girls, so it had like softball players. That was the fifth inning that I forgot what it was. They brought out this was kind of cool. I like the fifth inning. They brought out this fucking broad dude. She was she had that fucking pooch underneath her waistline and but she was a US Olympian um pitcher. Pitcher.

SPEAKER_06 43:39

Yeah. Softball.

SPEAKER_03 43:40

And she pitched a kin.

SPEAKER_06 43:42

Had a little stubble.

SPEAKER_03 43:43

Dude, she had a full fucking goatee. I'm telling you. But dude, softball. Doesn't pitch as far as ninety feet. Yeah, but they're so they they made a little mound for her. It's full.

SPEAKER_06 43:58

It's sixty feet.

SPEAKER_03 44:00

60.

SPEAKER_06 44:01

60. 60. And if you're throwing 71, that's 110. They were coming in. That's 110 if they're throwing 70.

SPEAKER_03 44:07

Like she was chucking, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like this. And Benny's looking, going, Wow, man. Like, I'm like, well, your reaction time, and that's the thing with softball, like their fields are smaller. Yeah, you hit a ground ball to third, you might say, fuck, it's right there.

SPEAKER_06 44:24

Well, you also might die, and then it better be and you better be running. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:28

Because it it's fast.

SPEAKER_06 44:30

Well, most of those broads are out of the box before they even hit the ball. Oh, yeah, they're running. They're doing that. That drag hit drag button. Dude, they're like six steps out of the tip of the bat hits the ball.

SPEAKER_03 44:40

Yeah, they start that whole two-step fucking thing.

SPEAKER_05 44:43

They're already gone.

SPEAKER_03 44:44

Control Vinny, try that dude at a game. People are like, what the fuck's this bitch doing?

SPEAKER_05 44:49

He's playing with the big ball.

SPEAKER_03 44:52

But yeah, it was uh it was a bust. Okay. But you didn't make it to Banana Ball. I know. That big blast. Big bummer. I'm a banana fan now.

SPEAKER_06 45:04

So I want to try it for sure. It just didn't work out. It was too much. Freya was doing something, and I was taking her, but then I had a meetup with a guy, and then I had a meetup with the people going down, and then I don't really know all the people going down, and it was just kind of like.

SPEAKER_03 45:20

So this is the same exact arena or a field that we watched banana ball. Standing room only. No. This seats everywhere. Not even the grass is there's no one even loud enough.

SPEAKER_06 45:34

Well, because they were trying to get the like because you told me about buying buying banana ball tickets. You not only do you have to get in a raffle or uh or lottery, you gotta get drawn, you gotta and then and then they tell you when you could buy the tickets, and then if you don't buy the tickets, you're out.

SPEAKER_03 45:50

Yeah, the whole thing yeah, but way cooler. And the whole game is just they're playing shit like so kiss a little longer. We'll talk a little longer, breath a little longer, longer with big red.

SPEAKER_04 46:06

The big red freshness, and that's not a good thing. They're playing all these jingles and shit. Now fresh breath goes on and on. While you chewing, say goodbye a little longer. I wanted you to keep talking. I I I was gonna go underneath.

SPEAKER_03 46:19

Well, you got me back in the but it was uh just more way more fun. They're just buying Scooby-Doo and all this weird fucking the whole time. You just yeah. This was like we sang Sweet Care Line, which I fucking I just talked on the last episode how I loved Neil Diamond. We win that that episode's coming out tomorrow, but I hate the whole bum bum bum shit. And here's me in a fucking second row. Bam bam bam. Man, I mean like so good, so good.

SPEAKER_05 46:54

Because there's 68 people on the stands like hey, let's keep this party going, people. I know you. You're like no come on, bro, get up, let's do this. It was weird. It's boob, bro.

SPEAKER_03 47:05

The cool thing, there was this fucking smoke show right behind us, man. And she's cheering on you sniffed her you sniffed her seat, didn't you? No, I couldn't do it. She didn't stand up long enough. Okay. She was she was cute, and she kept cheering on this guy, and I finally turned around and talked to her. And she's like, that's my husband out there, and he's like the ringleader of the whole thing. So he had the llamas versus fucking chaos or something, and uh riot, uh chaos, I think they were called, whatever. But she was the wife of the main dude, so he kept coming into the crowd and going right to her. So it's cool. We got a ball player like right there on my shoulder. You have a nice ass? Dude, he was hot, man. Okay. I mean, he was right, yeah. And he's very entertaining.

SPEAKER_06 48:03

Has he leaned? Backflips. He like looked at you, kind of leaned in on him.

SPEAKER_03 48:06

I just bit my finger. Okay. Did you did you give him bit my lip a little?

SPEAKER_04 48:12

Yeah, yeah. What's your name, Steven? Oh, okay. Hey, what's up?

SPEAKER_03 48:16

His name's Adam.

SPEAKER_05 48:17

Dude, that's even better. Hey, I'll I'll be your Eve. Hey, I'm just chewing on the red, whatever.

SPEAKER_03 48:26

But it was kind of cool. They come out and talk to you. But, dude, come on, man. For that price, I pay$250 for four seats and parking.

SPEAKER_06 48:35

Ooh.

SPEAKER_03 48:35

Yeah. That's a little rough. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 48:37

I'd rather go see a football game that I can't see shit at.

SPEAKER_03 48:40

I'd go see the fucking Bradshaw Mountain freshman team. That was more interesting.

SPEAKER_06 48:45

Jack and 300 yard dangers. The 300 feet, 370 foot dangers. I said yard.

SPEAKER_03 48:51

It was silly.

SPEAKER_06 48:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 48:52

Still on the baseball theme. Look behind you. Look what I picked up yesterday. Well, we signed Vinny up for he's 13, gonna be 14. Oh, is he gonna go? So he's allowed to umpire now. Yep. So I'm like, hey, Vinny's and he went to do this whole clinic and learned how to do it. I didn't go because I don't need to, whatever. I mean, I it's all for new umpires.

SPEAKER_06 49:19

Okay. Did you did you go to it?

SPEAKER_03 49:21

No.

SPEAKER_06 49:22

Why not?

SPEAKER_03 49:23

Because I'm not a new umpire.

SPEAKER_06 49:25

No, I'm saying, did you go to it initially to be an umpire? No. Exactly. But I'm an adult. I'm calling you out. Dude. You you're a shit umpire.

SPEAKER_03 49:35

I'm a good umpire.

SPEAKER_06 49:36

You didn't go to class.

SPEAKER_03 49:38

But I know. I know I went to YouTube.

SPEAKER_06 49:40

I went to YouTube. Did you go to class?

SPEAKER_03 49:43

I went to YouTube.

SPEAKER_06 49:44

Do you have a do you have a certificate of completion of umpire school?

SPEAKER_03 49:48

Yeah, I could make one if I needed, but no, I didn't. And I was gonna get there. I was gonna say I never even initially did it, but I kind of got grandfathered in.

SPEAKER_06 49:57

Now they're like, hey Derek, can you well yeah, I could do it. You got a half in the bag.

SPEAKER_03 50:03

Fucking hey, man. I could do it. That's exactly how I did it.

SPEAKER_06 50:06

And I remember you were working on your strike.

unknown 50:10

Ding! Ding!

SPEAKER_03 50:12

You think I was working on it then? I was in the mirror. I know. I know last night. Oh, why last night? Because okay. You're trying to try to coach up your kid on how to be a good umpire. I wasn't there by myself.

SPEAKER_06 50:25

No, but you're trying to work on a good one, and then you're gonna be like, this is what I do. Like that. Karate kid? No. Dude, you should do a full crane.

SPEAKER_03 50:32

I've been I've been obsessed with this for three days now. Check this out, dude.

SPEAKER_05 50:37

All right, so not a surprise.

SPEAKER_03 50:39

Dude. Three days. This is fucking ridiculous. So I know. So I wasn't gonna do this. I was that's Vinny's gig. He gets paid uh 35 bucks.

SPEAKER_05 50:49

Can't let the kid outshine me.

SPEAKER_03 50:51

No, no, no. He's going do his own thing. Okay. So I I get this you know group message and I go, yeah, Vinny's available uh next Monday, Thursday, and Friday. And he goes, Oh okay, Derek, you uh you're gonna call with him, right? And I go, Sh I can, sure, if you need me. Because well, the kids have to have be with an adult, and we got so many young kids, I need adults. I'm like, yeah, I'll do it. I get sixty bucks a game. So it's an hour and forty minute game.

SPEAKER_06 51:29

Are you gonna let him be behind the plate and you're gonna be able to get away?

SPEAKER_03 51:32

He's not allowed to do that with adults. He's gotta work into it, I guess.

SPEAKER_06 51:37

I don't know, but wait, when when so if the kid can't be with without an adult, then when is he gonna be able to get behind the plate?

SPEAKER_03 51:44

Well, he's not this the season. Next year he can start he's gonna be.

SPEAKER_06 51:50

Is that just because it's his first season?

SPEAKER_03 51:52

No, because he didn't sign up for behind a plate. Oh. He just said, I just want to be a field umpire. You know, whatever. So I got fucking roped into this shit, and I'm like, dude, I don't I don't have no gear or nothing. You know, and he goes, I want to see you in the I put it on with this. Dude, I was in a mirror practice, stupid. So I'll get there.

SPEAKER_05 52:10

Um so I feel like you look like a ninja turtle.

SPEAKER_03 52:13

I don't know what I look like. It was fucking bizarre, dude. I don't look like the guy in the box.

SPEAKER_05 52:18

No, that dude looks like fucking sharp.

SPEAKER_03 52:21

I'll put it on. I'll put it on. So I go, hey man, I don't have no gear or nothing, you know. He's like, Oh, you're gonna be calling behind the plate. Well, I didn't last two years I didn't do behind the plate because I don't want to hurt. I mean, you get foul balls and the fucking neck and the arms and shit. I don't know if I'll just do out there. Well, now I go to pick up Vinny's gear, his hat and his shirt and bullshit. They got a whole box of gear for me. Oh, you're behind the plate now. I'm like They just gave it to you? Fuck. Well, I gotta return it at the end of the season, but yeah.

SPEAKER_06 52:55

I'll sweat it in?

SPEAKER_03 52:56

Yeah. Yeah, it's gross. Yeah, well, whatever. I mean, at least I got new shit. I would go commando in it. Well, it's not it's just knee pads, shoulder pads, and chest pads. It's only knee, it's not shin? It's got shin.

SPEAKER_06 53:12

Yeah, shin guards underneath.

SPEAKER_03 53:13

It's knee shin, uh, the chest protector, and a face mask.

SPEAKER_06 53:18

Is it the hockey style one or the old school? It's the old school.

SPEAKER_03 53:21

Yeah. So I'm out here fucking wearing it last night. So I'm like, I got a little nervous, man. Like, I don't know how to you know really do this. So we were out of the games. I was telling you, watching I'm not even watching the game, I'm watching the umpire. Like, okay, where's he standing? What's he doing? I don't want to be like, you know, I gotta get my own flair. And I'm watching this dude last night, he's just like and the other the other uh the freshman, that guy's like so. I'm like, okay, do I want to go huh? Or huh? And I'm so obsessed with this. But my third, I'm like, the whole thing. Gotta have your I'm getting the whole fucking thing. So they put me on Monday this next coming up Monday with another kid who is I've coached for years. I know him real well, so I'm like, cool, I got him, and then Thursday, me and Vinny.

SPEAKER_06 54:19

So you gotta talk to you gotta talk to the kid beforehand. Hey, bro, dude, I was a coach, but you got you gotta help me. We're keen now, dude. Then you gotta help me though. Work work on my you gotta like, dude.

SPEAKER_03 54:30

One one of how this shit looks, man. One of the crane, dude, crane it and fucking crank it. I wanna be that.

SPEAKER_05 54:37

I you're laughing, but I wanna be but you gotta have a good zone. Well, you could do that shit.

SPEAKER_03 54:43

I'm doing minor league, so I did it a few years ago. There's no strikes hardly. So when I did it, I had to I was the only umpire, so I had to stand behind the pitcher.

SPEAKER_06 54:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 54:55

And call it that way I can call the fill too.

SPEAKER_06 54:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 54:59

And I tell both coaches, hey, I'm gonna open the strike zone up, you know, like I want these kids to swing. You can't just sit there and everyone's a walk. I'm gonna open it up, you know, six inches on each side, up and down too. Just if it's close, I want the kids swinging. So I'll establish that. But I know the rules pretty damn good. I've been playing ball, I've been coaching ball, I know fucking baseball, but I know shit's gonna come up where you're just like where some dickhead is gonna be like, no, rule fucking 143.6 says I'm gonna be like, dude, are you fucking minor league? Are you brushing up on your Yes? I have. Then that's what I was getting at. I was I I've been on TikTok and uh reels and watching you called Mr.

SPEAKER_06 55:44

Talk?

SPEAKER_03 55:45

Uh I am talking. I've been on uh YouTube and shit, like trying to brush up, and then I go pick up my shit yesterday. He's got this whole box. I'm like, I never really did behind a play. He goes, Oh, you'll be fine. I'm like, alright. You didn't get your certificate, bro.

SPEAKER_06 56:01

How are you just cruising into this shit?

SPEAKER_03 56:03

I don't know. Exactly. I don't know. I you know what now they want me to do tournaments already? I'm coming, I'm coming to your first Thursday. I was gonna say, dude, you gotta come out there because me and Vinny. Come on, Blow! Dude, me and Vinny, dude, come and razz me the whole time. Let me kick you out. Oh fucking rat, dude.

SPEAKER_06 56:20

Dude, but I should come with a can of schlitz or something.

SPEAKER_05 56:23

Come on, Blue. Let's get it together. Which one's your kid? I don't have a kid, you just shit on fire.

SPEAKER_03 56:31

I wanna I want to kick you out or something, that'd be fun. But yeah, next Thursday, who's that?

SPEAKER_06 56:37

It used to be my the that's my neighbor's kid's old truck, or that's his truck.

SPEAKER_03 56:41

Oh, I saw you flipping.

SPEAKER_06 56:43

I hope he saw it, little fucker.

SPEAKER_03 56:45

But next Thursday, me and Vinny out there, you gotta come out, dude.

SPEAKER_06 56:49

Are you gonna be like the the blue that's like no? That was down. No, I was away. No, I was hot. You're gonna be like that. It's inside because I I used to, you know, like you'd be you take a pitch, or like as a catcher, you know, I was catching, and he that's down, that's down below down low, and I'd be like, all right, blue.

SPEAKER_03 57:08

I'll let them know. And I'm looking into a GoPro. Oh, yeah. That'd be fun. I think you should do that for sure. I think it'd be fun.

SPEAKER_06 57:14

So you know what I would do to you if I was a catcher?

SPEAKER_03 57:18

What?

SPEAKER_06 57:19

Tell a pitcher just throw gas, I'm gonna miss it.

SPEAKER_03 57:23

Yeah, you would. I'll fucking kick you out. There's no gas, so that's the thing. These kids throw like 40. I'll just catch with my hand. That's why I'm like, keep me in minor. Like, I don't want to.

SPEAKER_06 57:33

But you've seen those because I did that to an umpire when I was in high school.

SPEAKER_03 57:38

People loved me.

SPEAKER_06 57:39

Just throw gas, dude. I'm gonna fucking miss it.

SPEAKER_03 57:41

When I umpired, people were like, man, you're vocal, you can hear you. I'll let you tune one.

SPEAKER_06 57:47

You were vocal?

SPEAKER_03 57:48

I am out there because I hate not hearing it.

SPEAKER_06 57:51

Vocal all the time.

SPEAKER_03 57:52

Yeah, well, vocal.

SPEAKER_06 57:53

Okay. Can we just kill this?

SPEAKER_03 57:54

Yeah, we should, huh?

SPEAKER_06 57:55

I don't know. So hey. I don't want to talk and I want to talk to you about your nose hair. Remember that one? That's the same one. Oh, dude, I got it. Remember? Remember? Oh, look at that. That was the one that we talked about.

SPEAKER_03 58:06

Look at him.

SPEAKER_06 58:07

Dude, I've been staring at it. It's it's you can tell me. It's like it's like the bouncing ball met or a metronome.

SPEAKER_03 58:14

When I breathe.

SPEAKER_06 58:15

Yeah, I can see it. I've just been staring at it.

SPEAKER_03 58:18

So go go watch uh me.

SPEAKER_06 58:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 58:23

On Thursday? On Thursday, if you can. Five o'clock game. Yeah. Dude, I'm no, I'm gonna be better than that. Hey, hey! I might pull Enrico Palonzo, dude. Do the fucking smooth? Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 58:35

Fucking oh dude, no umpire goes strike.

SPEAKER_03 58:39

No.

SPEAKER_06 58:40

And no umpire no no umpire says strike three. It's always hey he's gonna be.

SPEAKER_03 58:46

You know what I mean? I'm perfect because I'm Asian. Hey, hey. No? Okay. No, that one's not good. That's not good.

SPEAKER_05 58:55

Or go, dude, go! Do a kiad.

SPEAKER_03 58:59

See, now that's that's kind of what I'm dude. I've been practicing. Or turn to the side. I just got my pants.

SPEAKER_06 59:04

Instead of doing doing your doing the fist, turn to your side and then do a crane kick.

SPEAKER_03 59:10

I will I will do that if you come. I promise you.

SPEAKER_06 59:14

Every every how many strikeouts are there though?

SPEAKER_03 59:18

Three a game.

SPEAKER_06 59:19

Okay. In this league, but the the last strikeout of the game, that should be.

SPEAKER_03 59:23

I'll fucking do a whole thing. Yeah. Do like a little fucking break nice move. Just get the hell out of here. Yes, please. Jeff, good hanging.

SPEAKER_06 59:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 59:31

Nice nose hair. Hey, thanks. No problem. It's gone now, right? Where are the humans race? Uh, keep up the downloads. Yeah. What what was that place that was uh downloading? Oh uh Sing the port. Singapore. Come on, say it right, Jeff. Okay, the human race. Way to go, Singapore! Keep it up. We'll see you next round.