S6 Ep.#23- Air Fryed Chicken

The Crew Talks About Getting Cait A Sugar Daddy, Woman Stabs Boyfriend Over Chicken, Patrick's Story, Accents, Karaoke, Hitting Without A Bat, And Other Nonsense 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:23

Welcome to the human trace show. Hanging out with Derek, Jeff. We got Patrick and Callie back. They came back for another one. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:35

See?

SPEAKER_01 0:35

Yeah, that's why I find it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:38

Patrick's candy girl.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

But also I'm thinking of sugar. Oh, why? Because we need to get Kate the sugar daddy.

SPEAKER_02 0:47

A-S-A-P. Take her with you golfing, dude. But you know what you need to find? Somebody really dumb that doesn't think that it's not his. Yeah. Yeah, man. I just had a kid. Like, wow. Last week, man. She started showing. Shit ton of money, dumb as fuck. Hey, I just met you and you're pregnant. Yeah. Wow. I I didn't think you get pregnant from Low J.

SPEAKER_01 1:16

I'm thinking she could pull this off, too. Oh yeah? She's gotta start hanging a pine cone in or something. You know, just pine cone in. Why the pine? Well, the old folks, they got money, they're eating a steak.

SPEAKER_02 1:30

Oh, you're thinking of an elderly gentleman.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

An elderly gentleman.

SPEAKER_02 1:34

Like an anaconda.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They carry you, take care of this kid for you. That's a good idea. Well, I always thought of I'm gonna die in a year. You'll get it all. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:47

Golden Corral.

SPEAKER_02 1:48

Golden Corral could be. Yeah, that that's the best place. Yeah. Oh, you like the uh crab tartar too? Or whatever. The post office.

unknown 1:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:59

Oh, you're mailing something? Weird. How weird. Is that a letter?

SPEAKER_01 2:05

Any doctor's office?

SPEAKER_02 2:06

Yeah. Oh.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

Just hanging out. Like go around for a fucking week and try different.

SPEAKER_02 2:14

I always thought of us as creating a gigolo service.

SPEAKER_01 2:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:19

For romancers of the elderly. Yeah, that would be great. I've told you about this, right? What would have been called? I haven't thought of a good name. Maybe that's for you, but you would be done by 6 30. So you go pick, you go pick them up. For sure. You go pick them up at 3. 6 30. You take them to that Holybird and then you take out their teeth and maybe give them a little smooch or whatever. And change the diabetes. You go to the Rigo Beagle for a drink. Yeah. Oh fucking Jack. Yeah, that's nice. And then and then you're done. That dude.

SPEAKER_01 2:52

You got the rest of your evening.

SPEAKER_02 2:53

Fuck. Yeah. And you don't have to be young. You just have to be younger than them. So we're in our 40s and 50s, right? They're in their 70s and 80s. We're young as fuck.

SPEAKER_01 3:05

We could promote our friendship.

SPEAKER_02 3:08

No. No. Well, yeah, friendship. Yeah. You know, companion. Pay us a little extra.

SPEAKER_04 3:13

We might fucking. You can hire the girl that comes and like sleeps with you, like cuddles with you, doesn't do anything. Yeah. Like she's strictly like, we'll not have your thing, but we'll cuddle with you.

SPEAKER_02 3:23

Yeah, but nobody wants that. It's like a hand job. You just want to see where it goes.

SPEAKER_01 3:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:29

Maybe lick it. All right.

SPEAKER_01 3:31

How old a lady would you be?

SPEAKER_04 3:33

Uh I'm into older ladies. For the money, motherfucker? So no, I already said this before. I'm into older ladies.

SPEAKER_01 3:40

So how old a lady would you be?

SPEAKER_04 3:42

I mean, dude, Margaret Fairchild was hot till she was in her 60s. Yeah, Margaret Fairchild was back to her 60s. When she was on Friends Holmes.

SPEAKER_01 3:50

60s is my age. Yes. No, dude. That's nothing. So 60s. I'm talking 80s.

SPEAKER_02 3:54

It's not your age, asshole.

SPEAKER_05 3:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:57

You're 10 years beyond that.

SPEAKER_04 3:59

Or past or something like that. Like, I want to wait to see how hotter Sama Hyatt gets when she's like 70, 80.

SPEAKER_03 4:06

Dude, you slept on her lap, so it doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_04 4:08

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like she's gonna be like just primo, dude.

SPEAKER_02 4:13

Dude, could you imagine him seeing Selma? And you remember that time I slept on your lap? Wanna do that again? Like, get away from me, you little weird kid. I'm feeling a little peaked. Yeah, I have to. I need to lay down. I need to lay down for a minute. My temperature's elevated. Because I'm around you.

unknown 4:38

So yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:40

60s. 60s right on my age right now, probably 60s would be.

SPEAKER_01 4:43

60s? Nah, dude. You go look at some of these old 80s stars and shit. They're like 75. You're like, ah, she'll still get it.

SPEAKER_04 4:51

Jennifer Lopez is late 50s, and she's like. What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_01 4:56

She's yeah. She's a freak though.

SPEAKER_02 4:58

Like I mean, she'd be annoying, but that ain't a normal 60-year-old. They bathe in unicorn blood, dude. They have to.

SPEAKER_01 5:05

It's baby's blood. Baby's blood.

SPEAKER_02 5:07

It's baby's blood, bro.

SPEAKER_01 5:10

Baby foreskin.

SPEAKER_02 5:11

Adrenochrome. Adrenochrome. Yep. The placenta. They're just like, ah.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

She puts foreskins on her eyes. Yeah. And I like her no bags.

SPEAKER_02 5:19

His name was Steven. Sweet baby Steven. Actually, actually, his name is Ron Goldberg.

SPEAKER_04 5:28

Baby Ron. Did I tell my foreskins joke yet?

SPEAKER_02 5:32

No.

SPEAKER_04 5:32

No. I think he might have. The rabbi that did the free uh circumcisions. Yeah, he would do them all the time, and the only thing he asked for return was for the foreskins. He just kept the foreskins. So after all these years of doing circumcisions, he takes his foreskins to a tailor. And he goes, Can you make me something with all these? And the tailor's like, yeah, come back in a week. I got you. He comes back and he goes, Yeah, I made you this nice wallet. And the rabbi goes, All those foreskins, and all you made me was a wallet. And the guy goes, Yeah, but if you rub it, it turns into a suitcase.

SPEAKER_02 6:02

I don't even like it. I'm laughing. You've offended our fan. I know. Our one fan. Yeah. The other one sitting next to him. Alright, so I have I have something. Okay, you got a story. This is a story, and I want to show it to a woman. Because this makes perspective? This makes me howl.

SPEAKER_01 6:25

I don't think a woman's gonna answer. I think the same answer is gonna be across the board.

SPEAKER_02 6:30

Why not? This is funny. Okay, let's let the dude he knows. Yeah. Let's let Abe read it, and let's let Patrick read it, and then let's show it to you.

SPEAKER_01 6:37

And then read it too.

SPEAKER_02 6:38

No, no, no, don't read it out loud. Just let her read it. It makes me giggle. Oh. Well deserved.

SPEAKER_04 6:48

Well deserved. I mean, I don't I don't even know. I can't even argue the merit of like. Tell me it. Well deserved, bro.

SPEAKER_03 7:00

Okay, Spatrick's laughing. Yeah, that one is tough.

SPEAKER_01 7:06

Uncalled for. Wow. It's real. It's not like this is the actual Well, you gotta read it out loud too.

SPEAKER_02 7:14

Alright, now this is where you read it out loud.

SPEAKER_06 7:16

Okay, so boyfriend brought chicken to girlfriend's apartment to make an air fryer instead of taking her to dinner. So she stabbed him to death. I mean, I I would think there were other issues with the bigger thing. There's gotta be something that made it.

SPEAKER_02 7:32

Okay, well the first the first telltale sign is she's Latin.

SPEAKER_01 7:35

Yeah, and she's probably a fucking vegetarian.

SPEAKER_02 7:38

Maybe she wanted to be a little bit more than a little bit. No, no, no, no, no. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

I see that those Latinas though.

SPEAKER_02 7:46

She she wanted she wanted red lobster and she's getting air fried chicken. That's where this is where I go.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

Imagine the whole story unfolding, though.

SPEAKER_02 7:55

Like Nicky, you brought me some chicken.

SPEAKER_01 7:59

You know, like and then it turned into romantic, babe.

SPEAKER_02 8:03

Alright, alright. So I I I assume he's thinking he's being all fucking suave and shit. He's like, I'm gonna cook dinner for you. Does Patrick cook?

SPEAKER_06 8:11

Oh yeah, he does all the cooking. I do not go in the kitchen. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:15

So all right, let's just pause there. Right. He thought he's romantic. Right, but he he didn't even like saute anything or make a bechamel or anything. He fucking he's like, I found this shake and bake fucking chicken like a put in the air fryer.

SPEAKER_04 8:32

So that's another thing. How what kind of chicken? If you're bringing me, if you're bringing me like a Costco chicken strip pre-marinated like this, I'd be like, okay. No, no, no, no. But if you're bringing me a fries.

SPEAKER_02 8:45

What the fuck you talking about? A pre-marinated shit? If you're gonna cook for a woman, you can you make your own shit. Well, you're not making it. I would. How bad was like? We're getting ahead of ourselves. Let's ask Kelly. Where does she stand?

SPEAKER_01 9:01

It's not going in an air fryer, I would say.

SPEAKER_02 9:03

You have to see that.

SPEAKER_01 9:04

I put chicken thighs in the air fryer, dude. I would say. It's an oven.

SPEAKER_04 9:08

An air fryer is an oven. Yeah, but dude, I air fry chicken thighs all the time. They're bombed, dude. A little rice and little veggies on the side. Dude, it's it's bomb.

SPEAKER_02 9:17

I I'm trying to get I'm trying to get the lady's perspective here. Would you stab Patrick if he I would not?

SPEAKER_06 9:25

Damn it.

SPEAKER_02 9:26

I was hoping for the other.

SPEAKER_01 9:28

Now you gotta think this is.

SPEAKER_06 9:30

I might step Patrick over something else, but not that.

SPEAKER_01 9:33

This gotta be a pretty new relationship.

SPEAKER_02 9:36

You think? Or you think it's just a Latin woman just getting pissed. No, there is something fucking wrong with her.

unknown 9:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 9:43

Well, there might be something fucking wrong with him.

SPEAKER_02 9:45

Oh, see? Maybe men? Men fuck up. Men fuck up. No, no, no. You fuck up a lot. We we assume there's something wrong with the woman. She's already going, there might be something wrong with the dude.

SPEAKER_01 9:58

That's how chicks think.

SPEAKER_02 9:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 10:01

And that's how men think. It's actually the same.

SPEAKER_02 10:04

Tell me I'm wrong on this. Let's go. Thank you, Callie. Go. Please. Help us. Help us.

SPEAKER_06 10:10

I really um okay, she could be batshit crazy. I mean, I don't think that's a little bit we'll stab people over chicken.

SPEAKER_03 10:19

And she got fucking chicken.

SPEAKER_06 10:20

What if he had been promising to take her out like for 10,000? And he was like, oh yeah, babe, I'll do that, I'll do that, I'll do that. And then he was like, oh yeah, tonight's the night. I'm gonna take you out and romance you. And then he shows up with some fucking fried chicken. Like, no.

SPEAKER_02 10:34

No, I'm about to air fry you. Air fry, not fry you some chicken, like home, home cooking air. I'm gonna put it in the air.

SPEAKER_01 10:42

He lost his job. He's been hiding.

SPEAKER_02 10:44

Why are you why are we fucking defending this guy? We're we're we're good. We're victim splaining right now. We want the lady side.

SPEAKER_01 10:55

I think it's all her fault.

SPEAKER_02 10:57

I mean, okay, no way. A, she did kill kill a guy.

SPEAKER_01 11:02

And she is Mexican with purple hair.

SPEAKER_02 11:04

Like that. She's not Mexican, she's not Mexican. She's Latin.

SPEAKER_06 11:08

I didn't realize it was fatal. I mean, I I thought maybe it was just a little stabby stab. No, no, I didn't think it was fatal.

SPEAKER_04 11:15

I'm like, my wife stabs me all the time.

SPEAKER_06 11:19

It was just a white stabbing. It was fine. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:22

It was like it was like a friendly stab. It was more like a hug. Yeah, like, oh, you probably Fred Chicken.

SPEAKER_06 11:28

Okay, but she does have the crazy eyes and the crazy eyebrows.

SPEAKER_02 11:32

Oh, yeah, the eyebrows settled out.

SPEAKER_04 11:34

Penciled in, penciled in, is that what we're doing? Oh, dude.

SPEAKER_03 11:36

They're almost not even there. It's like I think she did the guy a favor. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 11:42

Maybe.

SPEAKER_03 11:43

But if you want to date her, just die. That's true, too.

SPEAKER_06 11:48

Okay, but she also bit him a week prior, just an argument. She bit him.

SPEAKER_02 11:53

No, it was building up. It was building up to it, though. Alright. Well, don't go too far into the thing. Let's just let's just read the article. No, no, no, no, no, no. I want to read the article and go. I just want to go off of that. So you're okay. So Patrick's like, hey, babe, check it out. Or actually, he's like, we're not going out tonight. Yeah. We're going to put stuff in an oven. We got rotten chicken. Sorry. I apologize. That was wrong. I brought spicy McCickens. Okay. It'll warm up in the second. Oh, let's just say, let's just say second date, right? He's like, babe, we're going to go out and blah, blah, blah. And he goes, here's here's this bag of chicken.

SPEAKER_01 12:42

Banquet fucking.

SPEAKER_02 12:43

And and we're going to rip your air fryer, air fryer on 400 for a few hours. I don't want to make you say that.

SPEAKER_01 12:51

20 minutes.

SPEAKER_02 12:52

Whatever. I'm just setting the table here. Don't fucking poke holes in my story, dude.

SPEAKER_03 12:57

Time would make the difference go on. 350 at at three hours. Chicken took too long, he had to die. I'm hungry now. I think she's wrong. Okay. Yeah, I think she should get slapped with chicken till she's dead.

SPEAKER_06 13:14

Put her in an air fryer.

SPEAKER_04 13:16

Okay, but that's her capital punishment. They put her to judge. We're not looking at it from all avenues.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

Well, if we were a jury, we'd have to. Like Your Honor, he didn't even get Tyson. It didn't, it was just a big thing.

SPEAKER_02 13:34

Yeah, this is Kruger band. Was it premarinated? No breading. I was asking, I'm telling you. Yeah, he didn't even bring shaking bait. It wasn't even breaded.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

I visited him last week. I told him.

SPEAKER_02 13:45

I'm just this is what I this is this this is what I wanted to ask. Is like, what's the level that you might stab somebody?

SPEAKER_03 13:52

Not over chicken.

SPEAKER_02 13:53

I know it's not over chicken, but like maybe like this was like the 15th time he's like, baby, I'm taking you out for a fucking red lobster. And he brings air fried chicken again. And you just snap. Despite it. What what where where's the point?

SPEAKER_01 14:10

Of me stabbing someone?

SPEAKER_02 14:12

No.

SPEAKER_06 14:13

Fatally to death? I would have to be in danger. I would never have to be over food.

SPEAKER_01 14:18

Oh man. We don't know the story.

SPEAKER_03 14:19

Maybe the chicken was bad and she knew it. Yeah. Are you trying to poison me? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:22

But if he was whipping her over the channel, what if she checked the date and it was fucking two weeks ago and expired?

SPEAKER_01 14:28

He might have fucking pimped her.

SPEAKER_06 14:30

So maybe she wasn't here for her life. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:33

She's like, I'm gonna get salmonella.

SPEAKER_06 14:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:35

Yeah, but I think as she read into the story, though, with her biting him.

SPEAKER_02 14:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:40

I think she might have been there.

SPEAKER_02 14:42

We're not going there. We're not going there. We're not going there right now. We're just going with it. It's not the guy's fault. Sorry.

SPEAKER_03 14:47

It's 100%.

SPEAKER_02 14:49

He brought he brought some long jaw or make it like he was. Yeah. I would have been like, a woman acted irrational? No. No. Maybe, maybe this is like the 28th time he brought something to put in the air fryer.

SPEAKER_01 15:06

He's promising me. It's like she was motherfucker!

SPEAKER_02 15:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:09

And then he doesn't clean it, he puts it in her sink. He's like, I gotta bounce. And she's trying to scrub all that sticky chicken off.

SPEAKER_02 15:16

Puts his headphones on. He's like, Cook that shit up, baby. Hey, I'm playing Call of Duty. I got a weird wicked game of Call of Duty going on right now. And she finally fucking was like, Alright, you know that fucking steak knife looks pretty good. What do you think? How many more times? What is she stabbing with?

SPEAKER_04 15:29

What is she stabbing with?

SPEAKER_02 15:31

Chicken bones.

SPEAKER_05 15:34

The wishbone. She put out the wishbone and ripped it off.

SPEAKER_02 15:39

No, she she filed, she like every week, every chicken bone that he came for the air fryer, she filed them all down. But my level to stab someone.

SPEAKER_04 15:51

It's extreme. It's extreme. I want to stab Jeff sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 15:55

Oh, want to with your penis. And doing it, like, you'd have to fucking steal my shoes or something.

SPEAKER_03 16:03

Maybe a pizza.

SPEAKER_01 16:04

I don't eat my fucking food. Yeah. Are we still doing this? Second episode. I mean, at some point, you know, we got it. It's the first time.

SPEAKER_02 16:15

I held my breath on that. I was like, okay, it's Jeff's turn.

SPEAKER_01 16:20

Yeah. Fucking get on this motherfucker, will you?

SPEAKER_02 16:23

Alright, fine. I'm ready. Whatever.

SPEAKER_01 16:24

I didn't pay you for fucking six months. And I'm still fucking sitting over here minding my own business. I'm still pulling weeds, motherfucker. I'm over here minding my own business, trying to run a show. He doesn't do weeds, by the way. Fat shame. Maybe I stabed.

SPEAKER_04 16:40

That's the part where you stab somebody.

SPEAKER_02 16:43

Hey, now we're figuring out your line. Guess what? No chicken for you. Yeah, because he's filed down all the bones.

SPEAKER_01 16:52

Well, yeah, I I don't. That's out of line.

SPEAKER_02 16:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 16:57

Fucking stabbing a dude.

SPEAKER_02 16:58

For fucking air fried, you know what?

SPEAKER_01 17:00

That's way out of line.

SPEAKER_02 17:02

Why is that out of line? Air fryer chicken? Fuck you, dude.

SPEAKER_03 17:05

He tried to be nice and feed her.

SPEAKER_02 17:06

After the 20, I'm I'm guessing like the 30th time. She's like hoping this guy's gonna be the guy. Why did she? And he can't he just brings over shake and bake every fucking time. How do you know it was shake and bake? I I'm I'm trying lemon pepper. I'm trying to not victim blame, but I'm trying to victim blame.

SPEAKER_04 17:24

Okay, now doesn't from a woman's perspective, Kelly, doesn't the fact that a man tries though play in like he, okay, it wasn't taking me out, but he brought me something.

SPEAKER_06 17:36

Okay, that depends because men use that too.

SPEAKER_04 17:38

There you go.

SPEAKER_06 17:39

Absolutely. They will say absolutely tell you what they freaking want from you, and they will go out of the way to do something entirely off the wall that we didn't ask for that was, I guess, nice.

SPEAKER_03 17:53

You know the wrong people.

SPEAKER_01 17:56

I feel I need to know the race of the man also.

SPEAKER_02 17:59

He's probably probably okay, so based off of the I just went black.

SPEAKER_05 18:04

Yeah, because of the chicken. I wasn't you you beat me to the punchline.

SPEAKER_02 18:10

I was gonna say, based off of the fake picture, he was either uh like Okay, like damn dog.

SPEAKER_04 18:19

He was damned. His mom would have prepped it, and then he would have bought it over the bombing's chicken.

SPEAKER_02 18:25

So black, so black for sure. And this could have been this could have been the 40th time where he's like, baby, I just came over for some air fried chicken and some pussy, and I'm gonna dip. Yeah, see what I'm saying? So she finally reached that point at the 40th time. That's what I want to say. I'm not I'm not being a racist-ish, but I'm kind of him. Kind of what is this?

SPEAKER_01 18:44

Hey, baby, what's on Tubi tonight?

unknown 18:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:47

Yeah, she got tired of hearing, yeah, baby. You were good, you were good. You were good, that chicken was good. To be too. He's like, what do you want to watch while we're doing it? We're gonna we're gonna watch fucking talk Walker, Texas Ranger with fucking commercials again. And she fucking said, Ah.

SPEAKER_01 19:05

Hey, there's a snapping point to everybody. I I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 19:09

Tell me, tell me, tell me you wouldn't snap right there. Tell me you wouldn't snap at that point. 40th time just coming over and making me air fried chicken and fucking me and watching Walker Texas Ranger watching Tubi with commercials. Bam, bam, bam!

SPEAKER_01 19:23

This is all fun, but could you stab someone? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 19:28

Oh yeah. I feel like anybody that hurts a dog, I'm fucking stabbing him. I'm stabbing them. Yeah, there you go. Thank you. I feel weird too. That's a line for me. If I saw somebody harming an animal or a dog like that, like I I'll fucking stab them in rage. I'll I will stab them. I don't think I would. Somebody talks to my wife the wrong way.

SPEAKER_01 19:46

Like that just creep me out.

SPEAKER_02 19:48

Like it once. Uh, it's better to stab somebody than it is to shoot somebody. So you're like, phone check. Because you feel it. You feel it. You're like, yeah, motherfucker you.

SPEAKER_01 19:58

I like it.

SPEAKER_02 19:59

Yeah. See? See? So you see how my voice got deep when I said it too?

SPEAKER_01 20:03

That was not your uh Jeff Jeff Stobbs. That was not your boyfriend voice.

SPEAKER_04 20:07

Jeff Stobbs and boyfriend boyfriend voice. He's like, hey, hey, I'm gonna give you a little statement. Hey, hey, how's it going? I was like, oh, how's that feel?

SPEAKER_02 20:16

What do you want it? You wronged me. Oh, feel that feel that warm.

SPEAKER_01 20:19

What do you turn into Mark Wahlberg? Hey, on your mother's mother. I'll produce Otowash. That's weird as you say. It was weird you said, I just swear to God, I was like, dude, I want to remove it.

SPEAKER_02 20:33

Tell me I'm wrong, and that wasn't a good fucking jumping off point for fucking.

SPEAKER_01 20:36

That's a fucked up story.

SPEAKER_02 20:38

What's the what's the level that you'd stab somebody?

SPEAKER_01 20:40

I don't, I couldn't.

SPEAKER_02 20:42

Not over chicken.

SPEAKER_01 20:43

Yeah. Your family, I don't.

SPEAKER_04 20:45

Dumble this guy with your shoes was right at you.

SPEAKER_01 20:48

And your family.

SPEAKER_04 20:49

Would you sneak him?

SPEAKER_02 20:50

But he's going like this, pew. Or he's coming at you with the show. Yeah, this stinky fuck is came came from you and he's like, dude.

SPEAKER_01 20:59

My socks were in it too, so he's my socks.

SPEAKER_02 21:01

Yeah, you know he jerked off in him.

SPEAKER_04 21:03

Well, would you stab him if he's coming out of your family? Yeah. Broad took a fucking axe and just fuck her up. Yeah in the neck. Yeah. Yeah. I've been playing too much assassin.

SPEAKER_01 21:17

This shit's all recorded. I ain't saying shit, man. Assassin's Creed. Allegedly. Allegedly.

SPEAKER_04 21:22

Allegedly, this is what happened. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:25

You guys are wild.

SPEAKER_02 21:26

Why? What's wrong with that? What's the level? Would you shoot somebody coming to your house? Would you shoot somebody? I'd shoot him. Okay, you'd shoot somebody. Okay, yeah. Has to be the right situation. I'm saying, I'm saying so many times they're like, hey, we're gonna do this. Pedophile is okay. Well, yeah. All right, all right. Would you let his beard on fire while he's sleeping? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you would. Yeah, you would.

SPEAKER_04 21:56

That's why I stay away from the beard oils because the last time you shaved.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

Get the beard off completely. Fuck.

SPEAKER_06 22:04

Fuck's not a time. I've never seen him without a beard.

SPEAKER_01 22:07

Really? How long have you been married?

SPEAKER_06 22:10

Five years. I've known him for two years.

SPEAKER_02 22:12

And he blanks. How long have you had that? Patrick just blanked right there. Oh really?

SPEAKER_03 22:16

Yeah. I shaved it off once. Never again, bro. Never. I'm weird.

SPEAKER_01 22:20

You ever see those on TikTok when they shave and then go see their kids and stuff? And the kids start crying. The kids start crying, dude. The babies cry. They're like. And so the wives are like, no.

SPEAKER_02 22:29

Dude, no, Jen's like the look on their faces, you're not handsome without it.

SPEAKER_01 22:34

Well, that's what I was gonna get at. Is most people that grow beards are ugly motherfuckers, dude. And that's the truth.

SPEAKER_02 22:40

When I when I shaved my beard, I shaved it with Freya in my arms. Just so she could see it. Could you imagine him showing like he'd probably look like an accountant?

unknown 22:53

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 22:54

Yeah. Yeah, he would. Like one of the customers. He looked like a sketchy lawyer that's chasing ambulances, dude. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:00

Dennis is here. Hey! It's my boy.

SPEAKER_02 23:04

Alright. Somebody fucking does anything a foul to Dennis. Would you stab him? Would you stab him? I'm not gonna stab him. No, not Dennis. I'm saying the guy. So somebody kicked Dennis.

SPEAKER_01 23:14

I'm not gonna stab Dennis.

SPEAKER_02 23:15

Yes, I fucking would stab him.

SPEAKER_01 23:17

No. I would stab him. I fucking do that.

SPEAKER_04 23:20

What do you have on your he's got like things on his beard? Was he sniffing?

SPEAKER_02 23:25

Oh that that's called that's called whores.

SPEAKER_01 23:30

Look at the heights of this motherfucker now, too.

SPEAKER_02 23:31

I know, you're welcome.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 23:33

You're welcome.

SPEAKER_01 23:33

Stop growing, yeah?

SPEAKER_02 23:34

You're welcome.

SPEAKER_01 23:35

He's taller than Abe.

SPEAKER_02 23:36

Stand up next to me. He's not taller than his real dad, though. Look.

SPEAKER_04 23:39

Uh no, almost. Almost he's gonna be.

SPEAKER_02 23:41

You're welcome.

SPEAKER_04 23:42

Like four more inches and I'll be in there. He's three inches away.

SPEAKER_01 23:48

Hey. Grow a stupid ass beard so you can look like your dad over here. Hey, come here. Are you taller?

SPEAKER_02 23:55

Taller than your dad yet?

unknown 23:57

No.

SPEAKER_04 23:58

No. No.

unknown 23:59

Not really.

SPEAKER_04 24:01

What's funny though, because I was the um me and my second brother are the only ones that can grow the full beard. My younger two can't. They got that Mexican patch. Like just a little sporadic little hair.

SPEAKER_01 24:12

There's a Team America when they put it.

SPEAKER_02 24:15

That's what I was gonna say. There's a reason why Mexicans shouldn't grow beards.

SPEAKER_01 24:20

You're just growing.

SPEAKER_04 24:22

No, it's very much Well, I bought the I bought uh I don't know if you have one of those uh hot uh beard straighteners. So I bought one of those. Oh, that thing is magical, dude. I love it.

SPEAKER_03 24:32

Grow a mustache, that's all you need. More? Just one big handlebone. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:39

I was cutting my hair like his, and I kept the beard ever since. When I met my wife, even before we were married, she's like, You should grow your beard out. I was like, Oh, okay. Because I used to do the just the if a chick says you can grow a beard out, that's a she was giving it to me, so she was getting whatever you want, whatever you want. She's like, You want fried chicken? It's coming up, it's coming up. What do you want?

SPEAKER_05 25:02

She's like, grow your hair from like your forehead down.

SPEAKER_04 25:04

Yeah, it's just standing with the long hair, too. I was um, no, she was saying it cover your face.

SPEAKER_02 25:09

She was saying to cover your face, dude. That's what she was doing.

SPEAKER_03 25:11

Yeah, I don't want to see that ugly mug. Yeah, but like that's why that's why when Callie was like, I've never seen it.

SPEAKER_02 25:17

If he if he shaved, she's like, I'm divorced.

SPEAKER_03 25:21

You know what? I'm gonna shave it and you're gonna have a boyfriend experience.

SPEAKER_02 25:24

Yeah. Oh, somebody knew. Somebody takes you out for air fryer chicken. Actually, it takes you to Red Lobster. Actually, we'll take you. Brings home air fried chicken and says, you know what? Red Lobster, that's what you're that's that's what you get. You can get you can get we we're gonna go to McDonald's. And we're not splitting the plate at Red Lobster either. We're gonna have our own entrees. You're gonna get your own Admiral's feast.

SPEAKER_01 25:48

You know, even though this even though this guy fucks with me the whole time, I gotta say he does some classy, he doesn't do a lot of vacations, but when he does, where'd he take you?

SPEAKER_04 26:00

Germany.

SPEAKER_02 26:01

Oh, to the to the Rhineland.

SPEAKER_04 26:03

So we're from Germany. We went to Rhineland. Two weeks two weeks.

SPEAKER_03 26:09

That's all I can take off. My boss is.

SPEAKER_01 26:10

Oh, that's a hell of a trip though. Like, would you where'd you go? Where all did you go?

SPEAKER_03 26:15

My hometown.

SPEAKER_02 26:16

So many jokes coming through.

SPEAKER_01 26:19

You gotta talk into the mic, man.

SPEAKER_03 26:21

Hello.

SPEAKER_01 26:22

Yeah. That's what it said.

SPEAKER_03 26:23

Yeah, no, just my hometown and Munich and crap. Austria, Switzerland, that area. A couple of weeks of that. Austria. Yeah, yeah. Let's put another shrimp on the Bobby.

SPEAKER_01 26:33

It must be from Austria. So Austria, that's uh town is really close to Austria. Not next to Transylvania?

SPEAKER_02 26:41

No. Did you take her to Birchett's Garden? No.

SPEAKER_04 26:45

Did I take her to the concentration camp the first time we went to? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was she really focused or were you were you selfie and YOLO?

SPEAKER_03 26:55

Yeah, no, no, she she has some weird pre-life experience where she thinks she was in a concentration.

SPEAKER_01 27:02

We got the hand to the face here so we know something. No, no, no, no, no. We'll talk about it later, though. I want to hear that. Yeah, not but I get sad about this. Maybe not on a dipshit podcast.

SPEAKER_04 27:12

We want to do our European trip. The wife and I, we haven't done that yet. We've done Japan, we've done all kinds of other different places, but like.

SPEAKER_03 27:18

Then go south. Don't go north.

SPEAKER_04 27:20

Okay. But me looking like me though, like, can I get away with it or am I gonna look too. You look like the fucking Taliban.

SPEAKER_03 27:26

You look like you're in a Mosh and you're from Turkey or something.

SPEAKER_04 27:29

There you go. I'll make that. I'll take that. There's some Turkish. Cowbook.

SPEAKER_01 27:34

So up. So your hometown. I thought we were doing that. So your hometown, when's the last time you were lived there? How old were you? Holy shit. I'm twenty? Oh, so you grew up there until you were 20.

SPEAKER_02 27:56

Yeah. He had like a weird mustache.

SPEAKER_01 27:59

Did you have old friends that you cut it off on the side? He was just starting his weird and shit. Yeah. Did you have old friends that you got to go see?

SPEAKER_03 28:06

Shit like that. Cool. Dad. Friends. Yeah. Everybody lives back there? My mom and my sister lives in Greece, so. So how'd you get here? Like why and how? I jumped on a boat. Come on, man. No, I've I was I was doing stuff with the. Were you doing the rowing? What the fuck? Plus, I rode over here. No, I I did all the merchandise. He's like I was hiding from war crimes. Yeah. I toured the States, and that's how I ended up here, and I met my wife. Who toured the States? Ex-wife. A band that I did all the merchandise for. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 28:38

I helped you, Kelly, sorry.

SPEAKER_01 28:40

Like a fucking rock band. Yeah, punk rock. Oh, cool.

SPEAKER_02 28:42

Yeah, but a German rock band, dude, isn't a German. Dude, that's fucking gods.

SPEAKER_04 28:46

They were called fucking Yankee blue jeans.

SPEAKER_02 28:50

Would you like to suck some cockpit?

SPEAKER_01 28:55

Yeah, that's so you end up over here and you just stayed?

SPEAKER_03 28:59

No, so I we were here for Olaf metal. Uh four weeks or something, and I met her and flew back, and she came.

SPEAKER_02 29:09

Your first piece of American puss, dude, and you fucking flew across the fucking goddamn globe. Yeah, and then she came to Germany to ask her to marry me.

SPEAKER_03 29:16

Dude, fucking and then fucking. Hey, wish they okay two months later.

SPEAKER_02 29:23

Skyman. Packed my shit and moved. I did the same thing in the military. Did you come here first or were you like LA? Oh nice. So that's what I was gonna say.

SPEAKER_01 29:33

So you guys came into California?

SPEAKER_03 29:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 29:36

I lived in Long Beach for a little bit and then in Riverside for a year.

SPEAKER_02 29:40

Off the 91 dog? Oh lovely drive. The Arctic of California.

SPEAKER_01 29:47

So was it a big culture shock coming here, or did you love it right away? Were you?

SPEAKER_03 29:52

There were certain things like they have done weird. It's like Russia, Poland, when you see all the drainage ditches. That doesn't exist unless you're in one of those countries. Yeah, just yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:03

He's like the the air fried chicken here was excellent.

SPEAKER_03 30:07

I'm gonna marry that girl.

SPEAKER_02 30:09

She has no eyebrows. So how how old are you now?

SPEAKER_01 30:13

Too old. Think about now. 49. 49, so you've been here 29 years old. 20 plus years.

SPEAKER_03 30:19

No, I moved. When did I move in 2004?

SPEAKER_01 30:22

So but you were an adult. Yeah. So fuck it. Were your parents like, oh, what do you go to America for?

SPEAKER_03 30:28

Fuck, I just packed my shit and left. Sold everything I had.

SPEAKER_01 30:32

You're like, I found this babe and I'm out doing it. Love it.

SPEAKER_02 30:35

Fell in love with the American fucking dream, dude.

SPEAKER_01 30:38

Were you sending pictures home and you like surfing and shit? Like, hey, check me out. I'm in America. Yeah, no. Drinking Budweiser.

SPEAKER_02 30:44

Yeah, no, that was no, he was showing like so the beer sucks here. Yeah, yeah. He was showing all the denim he was wearing. He's like, dude, check this shit out. Look at my vest. This is only 10 bucks.

SPEAKER_01 30:54

I'm roller skating on fucking.

SPEAKER_02 30:56

In Germany, that's fucking $10,000. He's like, where can I find a good bit bugger?

unknown 31:00

Fuck.

SPEAKER_01 31:02

So you guys plan on going back?

SPEAKER_02 31:03

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:04

Yeah?

SPEAKER_03 31:05

Yeah, it's fun.

SPEAKER_02 31:06

Dad's still there? Yeah. Just got married. Yeah, he did. How old is your dad?

SPEAKER_03 31:10

70.

SPEAKER_02 31:11

Did you tell him he was stupid? Did you tell him Caitlin was available? Wait, does your dad does your dad have money? No. Okay, then never mind. Never mind. No. Transylvania Castle. Caitlin's not going to inherit. Derek's all over there like building a gun tank. I'm going to stab him that guy.

SPEAKER_01 31:38

I just wondered how you even got here. You got a good accent still. Do you do that a sh a shtick or do you lose it once in a while? If I drink, it comes out. Yeah, it comes back. Oh, okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:52

Oh. It's okay. When I go back to Cali, I speak like East LA in Mexican. It just comes out in me every time I go back home. Motherland. Yep. Oh, yeah. He's like, what's your motherland, fucking East LA? Not Mexico, East LA.

SPEAKER_02 32:07

One of my good friends in the Navy, his wife was from fucking Boston, dude. And when she got drunk, she was just like, fucking park the card, some smart kickers.

SPEAKER_01 32:15

But before that, she's normal.

SPEAKER_02 32:17

Dude, she worked so hard to get rid of it because we all made fun of her. She's like, Yeah, what's the khakis and khakis, you know? Like Dolchester. So she, yeah, Dorchester. So she was always like, hey, how's everything going? And when she got like a couple and like a couple of snoots full, she was like, Yeah, you fucking kids and fucking. Yeah, I'm totally opposite.

SPEAKER_01 32:37

I talk normal. But once I get drunk, that's when I get my Asian accent. Yeah, miss the talk. Miss the talk coming there. I was thinking about that. I'm gonna change my Asian.

SPEAKER_02 32:50

Wait, you've been working on your Asian accent? Yeah, well, I'm okay.

SPEAKER_01 32:53

This has got to be good. I just thought about this. No. Because I don't know. I was like, oh, but I'm older now. Older and fatter. And I'm thinking I should be. You said it. I should be more like, oh.

SPEAKER_02 33:04

We've said it numerous times. We're all older and fatter here.

SPEAKER_01 33:08

I don't think I should be like, oh, Mr. Top. That's your boyfriend voice. I think I should be more like. Oh.

SPEAKER_02 33:16

You know. You come to my house. You disrespect my uh.

SPEAKER_01 33:20

You know, like I think I'm gonna go with that. So I gotta work on it. Japanese is the way to go. Dude, uh Japanese? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 33:27

It's like Shane Gillis in the tires where the dude's trying to explain. Oh, I sing I speak some Chinese. And he goes, Oh, I speak Japanese. Oh, Godzilla. Godzilla. You come destroy our stuff, Godzilla.

SPEAKER_02 33:40

I I was fucking with uh with Freya the other day about Godzilla. I was like, you know, like how they say it is Gojira. It's Gojira. And she goes, No, son. Like, yeah, it is. And she started Googling it. And she googled some fucking dude. He's like, it's Gojira. Why are you shaking your head? Because I don't know. No, it is.

SPEAKER_04 34:04

It's Gojira.

unknown 34:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:06

It is. You're already fucking poop-pooing my ears. You know what? I don't want to tell my story now.

SPEAKER_01 34:12

Well, go ahead, Gojira. Oh, sorry.

SPEAKER_02 34:15

I'm gone. I'm out.

SPEAKER_01 34:16

Me sorry.

SPEAKER_02 34:20

Can we take a break now? You go now. Can we take a break? Can we take a break? No. We take a break. You have been working on it, you motherfucker.

unknown 34:37

Your butt is wide.

SPEAKER_00 34:39

Well, mine is too bad. Just watch your mouth.

SPEAKER_01 34:44

Thank you, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 34:47

Better treat me right. Hammon whole week. Ham on whole weed. Alright. I love it, dude. Jamie!

SPEAKER_04 35:03

Every time we travel, buckle break.

SPEAKER_01 35:05

Weird out. Weird out, dude. It's just it helps you pass the time when you're driving. So I've been hanging out a lot with uh my boy J Dog, Justin. Shout out Justin. Just drive!

SPEAKER_02 35:15

Hey Justin!

SPEAKER_01 35:16

So him and his brother Sean. Yeah. They come by and we're gonna. The OG. The OG, man.

SPEAKER_02 35:22

The OG of the podcast.

SPEAKER_01 35:25

Yeah. So anyway, we're uh we're hanging a lot lately. We do our fucking we do our little card hanging and that's why the mic's out, because we've been doing karaoke.

SPEAKER_02 35:40

Oh, you guys are so retarded for that.

SPEAKER_01 35:44

Why?

SPEAKER_02 35:44

I like karaoke. You you and those boys do karaoke like like I used to pull up and I just hear it.

SPEAKER_01 35:52

Yeah, okay. It's fun. It's fun. Try it once in a while.

SPEAKER_02 35:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:58

And then you go sit in your fucking bed.

SPEAKER_04 36:00

We did it in a place in a place in Japan where they gave you your own room. The own room. Your own room.

SPEAKER_01 36:06

Oh, and then we like food and like what's different? I sit in my own room and I get wasted and fucking sing. I'm in my undies and I got a dick-shaped microphone. I usually put pants on, but but we're doing like You usually I I put on a mix and whatever's next. Just do it. So we'll do like the half song, you know, because it fucking gets old. Halfway there. Oh. So we're just like we do it, and then he does verse boom and all right. Whatever's next, you know. No, halfway there, living on a prayer gets old.

SPEAKER_02 36:40

That gets old. Okay. Or karaoke gets old.

SPEAKER_01 36:44

It gets old. But the song, you know, it's like because we don't sing good.

SPEAKER_02 36:48

Oh. So You mean you or me or him or or Patrick or I don't want to speak for Kelly because I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 36:55

Oh, I can sing for shit.

SPEAKER_02 36:56

But you mean out you mean after a certain time. You mean that gets old? That's why karaoke bothers me.

SPEAKER_01 37:06

Well, everything bothers you.

SPEAKER_02 37:07

When you're drunk.

SPEAKER_01 37:09

We have a blast because we started putting on songs that we don't know at all. And just trying to sing out. And just they got words, so you're like, Fournier.

SPEAKER_04 37:21

Sounds pretty good.

SPEAKER_01 37:22

And then we'll go back and listen to the real song and be like, we're not even close. But we made our own version. It was cool. Sean fucking love Sean. He can't sing like well, but it's the best. He's the He's my number one dude to come sing because he don't give a fuck. I would say that the people put on whatever you want, dude, and I'll fucking sing it.

SPEAKER_02 37:46

I would say the people that can't sing the best are the best and sing karaoke.

SPEAKER_01 37:50

I'm trying to get on the people who rap the bottom on the phone there.

SPEAKER_02 37:56

It's a G. It's I mean it's in G. I'm a little flat here. I'm a little flat.

SPEAKER_01 38:00

He's just No, the people that are just like, ha! You're like, yeah, dude, that's the dude. It's almost like poetry. Like.

SPEAKER_02 38:08

No, it's not.

SPEAKER_01 38:09

Oh, speaking of poetry, dude. Slam slam poetry.

SPEAKER_02 38:12

You've been working on your slam poetry and your type share time?

SPEAKER_01 38:15

No, that's what I want to do on a show. Slam poetry? We all come out with one Oh my god. You know, Harriet! Harriet!

SPEAKER_02 38:24

Hard harb harbinger haggis.

SPEAKER_01 38:26

I started watching this shit. But me and the karaoke, though. We have a blast doing karaoke. And fuck you, man. I got you sing one time.

SPEAKER_02 38:35

Yeah, it's fine. I'll sing sometimes. Yeah, it's fun. But karaoke's dumb. No. It's not dumb. You're just boring. You're a boring guy. You're boring.

SPEAKER_01 38:45

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 38:46

Oh, okay. That's fine. Yes, I am. That's fine.

SPEAKER_01 38:48

Well, like you really looked up and I took stock of my life.

SPEAKER_02 38:54

But when you go to like the outpost and everybody's like, hey, it's karaoke time. Let's go. Here comes Stephanie.

SPEAKER_00 39:03

And she's like, she's like, and I think about you. Oh.

SPEAKER_01 39:11

Yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_04 39:12

I mean, the jackass, the jackass was the best. I go snowblah. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 39:20

You find some fucking gems out there, though. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 39:24

Alright. If you do it in a funny way, or like, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, I'm just having fun, then great. But it's those people that are like Michael Bolton, you know, fucking like and then you're like they both did it in harmony.

SPEAKER_04 39:42

Yeah. That's our song. Oh, wait, oh the possibly naked in front of each other. No, in the shower. In the shower?

SPEAKER_02 39:52

In the shower. FaceTime. Naked. FaceTime-ish. But when you start thinking that you're good at it and you're terrible, I'm instantly fucking out. No, I agree with that.

SPEAKER_01 40:02

Like there's so many people microphone touching. That go out thinking, oh dude, I'm going to go.

SPEAKER_02 40:09

I got my fucking lipstick. Everything stands up. Yeah. That's stupid. Everybody has okay. Everybody, and I know you do it too. Well, I got my lips. You have your you have your You didn't even let me get it out. I'm getting there. I got kidding. Everybody's got their karaoke songs. I go emo, bro.

SPEAKER_04 40:25

I go all emo.

SPEAKER_01 40:26

Here's my songs, dude. I'm sad.

SPEAKER_04 40:28

I want to do a smart thing in the.

SPEAKER_01 40:30

I was really joking, but I didn't really good at uh with karaoke songs. Yeah. I do bad things really good. Should we all do it? I want to do bad things with you. And I do uh Neil Diamond. Forever in Blue Jeans, babe. I got NXG.

SPEAKER_04 40:49

Did you see that Neil Diamond movie? I love that movie. Oh my god, we talked about okay. I finally watched it. Did you watch a fucking cold movie, bro?

SPEAKER_02 40:57

Great movie. The people that did the cover Neil Diamond, the husband and wife team.

SPEAKER_01 41:02

Yes, dude. It's such a like more to it than just no, just it was so heartfelt.

SPEAKER_04 41:07

Don't blow nothing.

SPEAKER_01 41:08

Like it was so great. I got it.

SPEAKER_04 41:11

Jen gave me some that night. How good it was, bro.

SPEAKER_01 41:13

In excess? Never tear us apart. I need you to know. I'd never tear us apart. Don't ask me. What you know is true.

SPEAKER_02 41:21

Dude, you sing it. It was a good one. You sing it exactly like that. I do. I see your lip. And I don't even know. Your lip. Your lip, I want to punch it. I want to punch it, but I I respect it. I respect it, but I want to punch it.

SPEAKER_01 41:34

I don't even face anyone until like halfway through something. And I turn around. Uh I was standing. I got a whole gig for that. Locomotive breath, I kill that one too. And the shuffling madness of locomotive breath. No. Fucking Jessatole. You're famous. Oh, yeah. But I do a whole free thing.

SPEAKER_02 41:55

I wonder why I don't know that song.

SPEAKER_01 41:57

Um Overkill did a real good.

SPEAKER_02 41:59

Wait, let's let's stop. Let's stop and let's ask her. Nope. I only got two more. Stop. She's like the wind. She's not like the wind. Peaceways. You know what? I would I would I would sing that. Yeah, that's a good one. Because how awful. How awful, how awful that song was, and it didn't fit into that whole movie.

SPEAKER_01 42:21

I loved it.

SPEAKER_02 42:22

It didn't fit.

SPEAKER_01 42:23

I made a lot of money off that movie. Or off that song.

SPEAKER_02 42:26

Wait, wait, wait. Why'd you make a lot of money off that movie and that song? Not the movie, the song. Um I I was I wanted to ask our guests. I wanted to ask our guests before you go into the next story. What'd they sing? What would they sing? Callie, what would be your your karaoke song? What song do you sing in the shower? Like nobody's listening. Come on, you got one. Patrick and you.

SPEAKER_03 42:47

I don't have a shower.

SPEAKER_02 42:48

Yeah, yeah, I know what it is. It's like hell to the rhineline. Fucking Edelweiss or some shit. Duhash. Duhash.

SPEAKER_01 43:01

You should probably feel like I'm going back to Cali.

SPEAKER_02 43:06

Yeah, but he sings it weird. He sings it with a wave. Like, who's who's up for karaoke? He's like, me. I'm not do hospital. Here. I mean, here, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:21

I know you sing something. Oh, yeah, she does. I know you got a voice from an angel.

SPEAKER_03 43:26

No, I don't.

SPEAKER_01 43:26

Sing me something.

SPEAKER_03 43:27

No. She got a voice like a dying cat.

SPEAKER_06 43:32

I love singing, but I'm kidding.

SPEAKER_04 43:34

Okay, well, no one's watching. What songs listening? What song would you sing? What do you sing? When no one's watching, no one's listening, just you.

SPEAKER_05 43:41

Trying to remember what's on my shower playlist. Everybody's got a shower playlist, dude.

SPEAKER_02 43:47

Mine's whack.

SPEAKER_04 43:48

My shower playlist is two beers.

SPEAKER_02 43:52

No, my sh I drink two beers. I drink two beers in the shower. And then you're like, nobody's listening, and who gives a shit?

SPEAKER_01 43:59

I'm just gonna see. I've seen Tom Waits in the shower a lot because the echo in my bathroom is great. I'm like, Freddy got me stumbling with the blues. You know. But you what's your what's your song? I know you got one.

SPEAKER_02 44:13

Just give us one. Just one?

SPEAKER_01 44:15

Yeah. And then I'm gonna play it and you're gonna sing it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:18

Okay, we won't do that. How about this? How about this?

SPEAKER_01 44:21

We sing it with her. We won't even sing it. We just want to hear what it is.

SPEAKER_02 44:26

She she's she's like the wind. She's like the wind. She's like the same one. She's like the wind. She's like, why is Peaceways on my fucking top ten? Nothing. No.

SPEAKER_06 44:39

All I want by Codaline was one I've been singing a lot. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 44:42

What is it?

SPEAKER_06 44:43

All I Want by Codoline.

SPEAKER_02 44:45

I don't know that song.

SPEAKER_06 44:47

I'm not singing it.

SPEAKER_02 44:49

Just home a few bars. I tried it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:51

How does it go for real? Yeah. How does it go? We don't know. Codaline. I don't know the song. Irish folk song?

SPEAKER_03 45:04

You know the song.

SPEAKER_01 45:05

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 45:06

Great song.

SPEAKER_01 45:07

Yeah, it's like at the end of a movie or something.

SPEAKER_04 45:10

The kid with cancer dies. The best friend is walking up the road.

SPEAKER_02 45:16

Remember the long-lost love is walking up the driveway. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:20

I know that it was retarded cousin coming up with the dog. I remember that movie.

SPEAKER_02 45:26

The dog wound up coming up and he lived. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fucked up. We just made fun of him. Hey Kelly, thanks for sharing. We're pieces of shit. What a dick. Not crying.

SPEAKER_01 45:42

And then my last two are overkill and ends.

SPEAKER_02 45:45

Nobody gives a shit about your last.

SPEAKER_01 45:48

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 45:49

I can't get too sneak. I think about the Does Vinny sing like little China girl. Yeah, that deep voice. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:57

Yeah. That guy. I don't know what it is. Dude, his fucking music, man. Oh, it's just. I know everyone you don't listen to.

SPEAKER_04 46:05

Mumble rap. Is that what he's into?

SPEAKER_01 46:06

It's not.

SPEAKER_04 46:07

I don't know what it is. Because we talked about it before about kids. Mumble rap. By getting the kids to pick their things before, but like mumble rapping.

SPEAKER_02 46:15

Lifestyle. That one?

SPEAKER_01 46:17

Yeah, I don't know even. No, dude. I try with them. I'll get a buzz. I'll be like, come out here. Fucking talk, dude. We sit down and talk.

SPEAKER_02 46:26

You gotta get a buzz first. The best part about him saying, I get a buzz, and Vincent's like, again. Here we go. Here comes Dad. Oh, dear old dad.

SPEAKER_04 46:37

What do you want to sing today? So here's what we do.

SPEAKER_01 46:39

It's like I'm like, I'm gonna give him two songs. And then you get two songs. And then I listen to two of his songs. That's what I'm like, okay, give me two songs, but I want you to go listen to like the problem is you start off with Jethro Tall.

SPEAKER_02 46:53

No, I think listen to Sky of the Middle Something like that.

SPEAKER_01 46:57

Like a song that you should know. You know, like Steelers Wheel.

SPEAKER_00 47:01

I don't know how I gotta hit Steelers Wheel.

SPEAKER_02 47:04

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:05

But um his songs, I think I listen to him.

SPEAKER_02 47:08

Did you show did you show him um fucking reservoir dogs?

SPEAKER_01 47:11

Not yet. We're in the middle of George George Baker man. We're in the middle of suck.

SPEAKER_02 47:16

Um yeah, but Steeler's Wheel when he cuts his R. Check, check. Yeah. Hello? Okay, hello? And he throws gas on him, and then that's all you that every time I hear that song, that's all I think of. So if you show him that movie and you show him Steelers or listen and make him listen stuck in the middle with you.

SPEAKER_01 47:34

He's not allowed on his phone and shit or games right now. He's been fucking up and I'm got in trouble again. Well, no, he's not really in trouble, it's just it's overtaking his life. It's a concentrate, bro. I'm seeing it and he's just not doing what he's doing. So I'm like, hey, now you gotta hang with dad. So I got him. Yeah, that's torture.

SPEAKER_02 47:57

You gotta hang out with your old Danes.

SPEAKER_01 48:00

And he's like, oh, what are we gonna eat now, right? No, no.

SPEAKER_05 48:04

I was going to say You burned yourself! That wasn't even him. So what kind of burger we have?

SPEAKER_01 48:12

What are we eating today? So anyway, so No, what are we eating right now? I brought him in a room. I'm like, dude, because he loved Bronxdale. Okay. Collageno. Great movie. So I'm like, hey, it's a little long, dude, but Bronxtail is a great fucking movie. Great movie. So we got into Goodfellas. Oh shit. We're we're only 30 minutes into it. Jeez, and he goes, Can you pause it? I gotta go shower. It was late, you know. And he's into it. So then we watch another 20. You know, I don't get a lot of time with the kid, honestly, to hear.

SPEAKER_02 48:45

Trying to nail down a kid to like a long movie is fun. He's into it.

SPEAKER_01 48:49

He keeps telling me, pause it. I want to watch this. So I'm like, wait till we have a good hour and a half.

SPEAKER_02 48:55

How about you just watch it with me, motherfucker? That's what I would do.

SPEAKER_01 48:58

Well, you know, I started it and I give him a squirrely.

SPEAKER_04 49:01

Yeah, that's that's a that's a to like in 11, 11:30 movie, like by the time we're done.

SPEAKER_02 49:06

Fuck that, dude. You watch a movie. Yeah. I'm so sick of uh Freya does it with me. Can we pause it? No, motherfucker. Yeah, get you go home and shoes shine box. Like fucking Billy Bats, dude.

SPEAKER_01 49:18

We haven't got there yet, but we're up to uh the funny like a clown. You are a funny guy! What do you mean? You said it.

SPEAKER_02 49:30

You might buckle under questions.

SPEAKER_01 49:32

It's so fucking good. Fucking love that movie. But we don't get home. Like last night we played uh a baseball game in Chino Valley. This was wild too, dude. Have you ever heard of this? This guy, he looks like he's got a big red mustache. He looks like uh Jeff. No, he looks like a character from like one of the Disney Pixar movies or something. He's got that fucking everyone, he's a fucking cartoon character. Right. And he's out there and he's I've seen him coaching for years. So we're watching the game, and we're off to the side, like the third base side. I'm looking at him like the fucking son is off here. That dude doesn't have a bat in his hand. And he's in the battery's box. And he's standing there with his fucking hands and no bat. And then we walk him. He doesn't have a bat, and he gets walked, and she goes, Oh, I'm Googling fucking rules. And someone goes, What's going on? Next guy gets up, no bat in his hand. And so we finally said something like because we're kind of pissy, like, what are you doing here? He goes, teaching them a lesson. They don't want to swing the bat, they don't get a bat. That's legit. Is it is it's super fucked. If that was your kid, if my kid went up there and had no bat and the coach said, Don't even bring a bat.

unknown 51:02

Wow.

SPEAKER_04 51:02

I would say if you're not gonna swing, I'm gonna have an issue, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:06

But I get it. Yeah, but there's a prime line with fucking.

SPEAKER_02 51:10

But also it's fucked to the pitcher, too, because if you can't fucking throw it in the back. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:15

I'm like, I wouldn't put no bat in no kid's hands.

SPEAKER_02 51:18

Right. And yeah, you might win off of fucking walks. Because it's hard. It's fucked either way, but I I do understand. I love fucking with kids as much as this guy. Hey. But man, that puts fucking batteries. Put lumber, man. Put lumber on ball. I get that part.

SPEAKER_01 51:32

You can't just send them up with no bat.

SPEAKER_02 51:35

So I'm that's a that's a hardcore code.

SPEAKER_01 51:37

After the third one, I'm pissed, I'm looking, and I'm like, it says right here, if he gets in a box, every pitch is a strike. If he doesn't have a bat. Right. So there's no older that. But it's it's a rule, but not for little league. Little league is not in that book. So technically he could do that. That's bullshit.

SPEAKER_04 51:59

Walk every kid?

SPEAKER_01 52:00

Like we struck we struck the next two out. They got basically loaded and we struck the side out, you know, so it was done. You know. But man, if that was my kid and you put my kid up there without a bat, I would be pissed. I would take him off the field and be like, fucking. You stab him without the chicken. I'll fucking stab him, man. We found your stab? But that's a weird No, I wouldn't stab him. All right. God damn it. Fucking shoot him. Why is it always just a leg shot?

SPEAKER_02 52:29

Stab it, stab it. Stab you feel it.

SPEAKER_01 52:32

I don't want to feel it. That's yeah, I want to feel it.

SPEAKER_02 52:34

I don't want to kill no one. Yeah, I do. Beat him with the bat.

SPEAKER_05 52:39

You don't have to be with the bat. Low floor!

SPEAKER_02 52:45

Swinging that nether. He's like, I'm I'm killing you. But it what do what do you think of that?

SPEAKER_04 52:50

Is that wacky? That's kind of my life. I I get the lesson, but that's at the expense of the game. It's fucked, it's fucked all the way around.

SPEAKER_01 53:03

Baseball guy. I've never seen that. I've coached for close to 15 years. I've never seen that.

SPEAKER_02 53:11

You've been an official umpire for two years now? Three. Three years now? I've never seen that.

SPEAKER_01 53:18

I don't even know how what I would say.

SPEAKER_02 53:19

Like Well, I was gonna ask you, like, since you're an official umpire, how come you didn't know the rule? You had to Google it.

SPEAKER_05 53:27

Why would you know that rule?

SPEAKER_02 53:30

But you're but you're an umpire. What does that come up? Well, that's a great question, Gene. You don't have the certificates. I think I would turn around and say, I feel like that was in umpire school.

SPEAKER_01 53:39

I think I would say time out and turn around and be like, is this allowed? Like it's fucking bizarre.

SPEAKER_02 53:45

It is weird. A little weird. So he so he was being a hardcore coach, but he was also being a cocksucker.

SPEAKER_01 53:50

So the guy I'm sitting with. Are you trying to teach his kids a lesson or what? He's like, Yep, I'm an asshole. And I'm like, I'll fucking hey it. Like he owned up, he goes, I'm an asshole. They don't want to swing a bat, they don't get a bat.

SPEAKER_02 54:04

Yeah, I'm guessing the the game before they didn't get a hit because they and they got like all strikeouts.

SPEAKER_01 54:10

So he's like fuck you, you don't want to swing? Fifth inning. Oh, wow. Oh the first two innings they didn't swing.

SPEAKER_02 54:17

They didn't swing at all.

SPEAKER_01 54:18

Okay. So he's being a cunt.

SPEAKER_02 54:19

He's being a cunt.

SPEAKER_01 54:20

And that's like that's wacky, man. I don't know. It's uh I don't know. Monsters University. The one of the redhead that's the guy came to me.

SPEAKER_04 54:30

That's what it looks like. Yep. I love it because I know what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_01 54:33

It was wild, dude. I'm like, I've never seen that. Is that yeah, it's weird. Oh that's weird. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 54:39

I take children to go see the Michael Jackson movie, and that's what we do.

SPEAKER_01 54:42

Yeah, and then take your in uh the third act. Show them your bat. Jamal. It's enough ripping on my Michael, man. I know, bro. I know. You like Mike.

SPEAKER_04 54:52

You know what time they go to bed at Michael Jackson's house?

SPEAKER_01 54:54

When a little hand touches the big hand or something. I don't know. Something like that. I'm sure it's something like that, right? Yeah, it's exactly.

SPEAKER_02 55:01

That's exactly you're making you're making Kelly uncomfortable. Oh no. No, no. No, I'm just trying to fucking get us out of this.

SPEAKER_01 55:11

She doesn't seem very uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_02 55:12

Yeah, but they're not talking. They're just sitting over there. She's been waiting. Listen, she's been waiting singing for the last 10 minutes.

SPEAKER_01 55:18

Okay, we're back to your song.

SPEAKER_02 55:20

She's like the win.

SPEAKER_03 55:21

Oh, yeah, back to your song.

unknown 55:22

Fuck alcohol.

SPEAKER_01 55:24

Well, hey guys, thanks for showing up.

SPEAKER_02 55:26

I just feel like it was us three. And then, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:30

Well, yeah. All right. But we love them. Thanks for being here. Thanks for having us. Go check out Valhalla Extermination.

SPEAKER_06 55:37

Give us a call. We'll take care of your bugs.

SPEAKER_04 55:39

Yeah. Is something bugging you? Call Valhalla.

SPEAKER_01 55:44

Just um.

SPEAKER_02 55:45

Fuck you. Fucking stupid.

SPEAKER_01 55:48

I don't even want to say it. I was going to say a bad joke. It's not right because it's a legit business. It's not right. No. It's not right. He's a rigged guy. Seriously. Those guys take care of you.

SPEAKER_04 56:03

So you want to put the bugs in the gas chamber? Patrick and Call.

SPEAKER_02 56:10

I went with something less obvious, but you want to super obvious.

SPEAKER_01 56:13

That's a fucking great slogan. No, it's fine.

SPEAKER_04 56:17

He said we got the gas chambers for your bugs. Take care of all that.

SPEAKER_02 56:22

He's German. He's not that German. Yeah, he's not.

SPEAKER_04 56:24

He said, My tolerance for bugs. My tolerance for bugs is right here.

SPEAKER_01 56:29

It's this high. It's this high. Cool. Guys, thanks for being here and hang out.

SPEAKER_05 56:36

Thank you. That's nice. So happy we came on.

SPEAKER_01 56:41

It's great.

SPEAKER_02 56:42

It's right here. It's right.

SPEAKER_01 56:45

It's right here, man. Go check him out. We're the humans race, and we're pieces of shit. We're pieces of shit. Yeah, man. All right.

SPEAKER_05 56:53

Stop that.

unknown 56:55

I'm there.

SPEAKER_01 56:56

Jeff Babe. We'll see you next time. Humans race show. Peace.

SPEAKER_02 56:59

I'll hile you later.