The Humanz Race Show
Here you’ll find episodes jam-packed with profanity-laced punchlines, irreverent impressions, and hilarious shenanigans that'll make you question your own sense of humor. Come join us as we dive headfirst into the realms of hilarity and push the boundaries of good taste as we share personal stories, discuss absurdities, and have a damn good time.
The Humanz Race Show
S7 Ep.# 9- So Close, Yet So Far
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The Crew Talks About Hiccups, Talking A Cruise, Ska Music, Massages, Jury Duty, Celebrity Height Game, And Other Nonsense.
What are you talking about? Yeah, dude. The hiccup's a scare thing. That's that's nice. I like that. Put it right there. Let's go.
SPEAKER_05Give us one. Oh, there's one. Yeah. This little Lucy. Welcome Lucy to the show. With her hiccups. She's always got them, dude, and I just I'll try to scare. And then it'll stop for a 20 second or two. But anyway, uh, we'd like to welcome everybody to the humans race show 2026. Love. Come aboard. We're expecting you. Welcome to the humans race show. I'm Derek hanging out with Abe. Man, that's like the new version.
unknownCome aboard.
SPEAKER_05And Kate here. And Lucy. We're expecting that's fun. Guess what I did, dude? What'd you do? I booked a fucking booked a cruise.
SPEAKER_01Going on vacation.
SPEAKER_05Come on with that shit now. Abe's the vacation guy now, right?
SPEAKER_03I am the vacation guy.
SPEAKER_05I know the one, dude. Well, I got a vacation coming up September for my anniversary. But we ain't doing shit.
SPEAKER_03That's when we usually go, hey, let's go in fucking Disney. Right, right, or do something something that Vinnie tags along with. We just we just can't. And he ruins the time. Not yet. You're like, it's hard to hard to make love to your mother when you're in the queen bed next to us.
SPEAKER_05No, no, yeah, come on. We got a bathroom, dude. That motherfucker don't wake up till noon.
SPEAKER_03He's like, hey, what video are you guys watching in the bathtub? You're like, video? He goes, yeah, you guys were clapping at the end.
SPEAKER_05No, it's vacation. Well, whatever. Yeah, it's not idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I like to sneak off into every bathroom. One time. You know, hey, never done it in this bathroom in the world.
SPEAKER_03Jenny and our states. We like to do every state. So any state we go to, we try to like knock it, knock one out. Yeah, it's fun.
SPEAKER_05So we got you should make like a little clip, you know, every states and add it in.
SPEAKER_03What we want to do is put one of those boards up in our office with the pin. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_05And like in each city or any spot that we've done it in.
SPEAKER_03But you should put like a But Arizona has just like a million pins all over.
SPEAKER_00I know, yeah.
SPEAKER_05Every town. Every town there is a you need a little red yarn on each one so it looks like a murder scene. You know? I've always wanted to put one up out here. I think it would be a good prop. You know, people would be like, oh dude, you're investigating something.
SPEAKER_01With like some Polaroid pictures of like random newspaper clippings and shit, dude.
SPEAKER_05Dude, that's a great idea. I would just do a dude. I was thinking about doing my bathroom. Because we have the all the pissers and famous movies, people peeing.
SPEAKER_03People, peeing, pooping, whatever, right.
SPEAKER_05Have sh nothing in your bathroom. So I'm gonna move all that shit over here. Okay, redo that bathroom with like a a crime crime scene one. Yeah, like newspaper clippies, articles, fucking. That's a cool idea, huh? Oh buddy. And then every time people go under the piss or whatever, they're like, I'm gonna figure this out.
SPEAKER_03They're taking shit, they're looking at the wall, like, I think I can figure this one out.
SPEAKER_05Dude, okay, so he went from here to Chino. He's gotta live nearby in Yalibai County. How you doing today, bud? Good, man. Good. Good? Good. Good. I'm going on vacation um in October. We're doing this ovation of the seas. Wendy booked this. I hear. Ah! Remember you scare people when they supposed to be a few.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, they get their hiccups there. It's usually a glass of water and you chug it hard. Get that air out.
SPEAKER_05So she booked this one and it was like, yeah. It's cool. Cool. We're going on vacation. We're going on a cruise. Because the cruise was fun last time. We did a three-day air just to make sure, for sure. Wendy wasn't too sick or whatever. It went fine.
SPEAKER_03So she did the glasses again or the No, we did the fucking glasses, dude. Or the patch, the patch. The patch.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, and some dramamine, whatever, you know. But it was fine. Dude, it's when you're out there, it's kind of have you cruised ever?
SPEAKER_03No, because Jen can't Jen can barely go on an elevator.
unknownOh.
SPEAKER_03How much motion sickness gets her? The plane she can stand, but for like the day when we get back from a plane ride, she's still like, I'm still dizzy, and she still has to take the dramamine to help her. But like, like when we went and visited my aunt in New York, she's on the fourth floor. So we were up and down that elevator every day, and she's like, Oh my god, it's just getting can we take the stairs today? I'm like, four flights? You want to do that? Oh my god.
SPEAKER_05She's like, it's just too much. Well, I've I've been in many elevators because we do the baseball bullshit. I've been in so many hotels. Vegas. Dude, I'm telling you, some elevators are worse.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_05Some I get off and I'm in a room, I'm like, fuck, I feel like I'm on like you're still swinging, yeah. And some I don't feel it doesn't affect me. But I also got vertigo still. Remember I got it like five years ago? Yeah. It's still there. It went away. Fuck, it lasted like eight months or something. It went away for a couple months. And then poor baby. No, she she likes it. No, she don't like it, but pick up the queen over there. And then it came back like if I go to my right side, I get a little but it used to be like a woo-woo-woo-woo thing. Now it's just a little tiny. But I drink and put the party down, so geez, that's a good idea. You know, I I buzz a lot, so I feel I don't notice it as much as someone else that's always sober. Right, right, right.
SPEAKER_03Not that I'm walking around here, you know, yeah, yeah, buzzed out of your mind all the time.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, like I I'm more used to that feeling. For sure. You know?
SPEAKER_03You're like, I can sway. I can sway and control myself. Yeah, yeah. Dude, we went, I was gonna show you this was uh in Sydney when we were in Australia, dude. We were like the tallest. It's like their space needle, their version of their space needle. What are they called? It's in downtown. I don't know what they call it, I forgot what they called it, but we went up there hundred and like eighty bucks for three of us to go up there. So 60 bucks a piece just to go up to the top. They give you a lunch or something? Nothing, bro. Just to get a 45 bucks a piece. Sorry. 45 bucks Australian, which was then so it's like a viewing tower. It's just a viewing tower. You go up there and then the lady five bucks. American? A lady goes through and she points out all the landmarks while you're up there and gives you a little explanation of what's what.
SPEAKER_05They give you binoculars?
SPEAKER_03They have little free, free things you can do.
SPEAKER_05Still charging a quarter.
SPEAKER_03They don't actually, and that's again, I think we talked about last time how luck. And in other countries, America's the only place where they charge for that shit because people break things. In other countries, in other countries, those things are free because nobody breaks shit. Like they take care of their shit. We're the only assholes who break their shit. So they have free like little telescoping things you can look down and cool and do all that. But yeah, that that vertical that that's why we've never been on a cruise. Just Jen can't do it. She can't.
SPEAKER_05So Wendy was really I was pumped on it. Remember you know, a couple years ago we were talking. I'm like, I want to do a cruise. And it was she loved it. There one time at dinner, you could see the windows were huge and open. And it was kind of good. And it was like, she goes, Well, let's go inside where we can't see, and you just don't feel it as much. Yeah. When you can see the bouncing, you're like, uh But we're also doing a Mexican tour and it's not like the Bahamas in October. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03You gonna go see a donkey show this time or I don't know.
SPEAKER_05We were gonna do something. Take Vinny to the first conquer?
SPEAKER_03Take Vinny to a ping pong show.
SPEAKER_05Dude. Get him a fucking force gump paddle. Hey, we're going to a ping pong contest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can hit him back to her. He said, Oh, got another one. Dude, he was so freaked out when we went to beers and pop papas and beers. Popas and beers, yeah. And they were holding people upside down and pulling them up. And shaking them and everything. Yeah, yeah. He's going, what the hell? You know.
SPEAKER_03Bro, I got a body shot once out of senior frogs.
SPEAKER_05Dude. I had a fucking tattoo and my dick sucked by some dude in Tijuana one night. Crazy night, man. No, I'm just kidding.
SPEAKER_03At least I thought it was a dude.
SPEAKER_05It could have been a lady. I don't know. Hey, check this tattoo out. No, I'm just kidding. Uh Tijuana, we would do I wasn't Van Eyes. So once in a while, skip school, man. Let's go to fucking TJ. But it was so easy to get through there. Now you just can't get back and forth so easy. You gotta have a damn passport, you know? Yeah, yeah. But we're doing the Ensenada and uh Catalina, which they're doing a Catalina wine mixer. Is he saying Bao?
unknownPa!
SPEAKER_03It's a fucking Catalina wine mixer.
SPEAKER_05Oh, I'm gonna get video out there live. Are you Catalina winemaker, motherfucker?
SPEAKER_03She's a play uptown girl. We're strictly 1980s. Billy Joe, man. We said that.
SPEAKER_05That's such a great part.
SPEAKER_03Dude, we were we were okay, so Jen's uh family was in town last week, and um they invited some friends of theirs, older friends, because it was Jen's dad's birthday, the nephew's birthday. So like everybody came up, it's one of our brother-in-law, everybody was there, right, to celebrate the birthday. So the old folks are sitting there because we kept doing Teledigan, Teledigan's uh uh uh quotes, and we kept doing the I don't know what to do with my hands. And then when he's interviewing, he's all like he's standing there with his hands coming up, so every time we'd be talking to somebody, somebody's hands would just come up, or we were doing the the low talking on the mic, he's like, How's the racing day?
unknownHe's like, What?
SPEAKER_05That was not one of my favorite oh dude, it it grew on me, but it grew on me, it grew on me too. And I still I do quotes from it all the time, too. Like, why the hell am I even talking to you right now? You know, like those little thin pancakes, yeah. Oh, I love those. Why would you want to watch TV and listen to music at the same time? And then if you ain't first, you ain't last. That one comes up all the time. All the time. I'm always going, well shit, you could be second, third, fourth. Oh, you could even be fifth. Who the hell told you that? I live by that. Must have been high when I told you that. It's a fucking great movie. It just yeah, it grew on me. It's a good one. But we got coming. So, yeah, we're doing The Odyssey of the Seas. She's switched our freaking boat plans. This sucker's got a wave machine on there. We can surf. It's got an indoor skydiving. A rock wall.
SPEAKER_03Your dad's just gonna be dangling from the walk rock wall. He's not even gonna be on the wall, he's just gonna be dangling and like hitting it.
SPEAKER_05No, I'll give it, I'll give the wall a try, too. I'm gonna think climber.
SPEAKER_01I am skydiving.
SPEAKER_05Nah. You can go practice the place in your town. Yeah. Gripstone. Go down. Go to Gripstone for all your wall climbing needs. I mean, does life have you climb up? But I'm talking about like doing the fucking surfing. Oh, dude, that's hard. Are you gonna do that? That's hard. I know, but I feel like a good balance, bro. No, buddy, that's I know I'm fucking. Oh, I made a video of that too.
SPEAKER_03If you can take Vinny's skateboard and go 15 feet without falling, you still wouldn't be able to do it. But I used to surf, bro. Sure, sure. It's not the same thing.
SPEAKER_01Surfing and skateboarding are different muscles, no. No, no, he's talking about doing that thing.
SPEAKER_03He's talking about doing that thing where they have the water constantly going and you get on that little board and you do that. It's not the same thing.
SPEAKER_05Skateboarding. That's surfing.
SPEAKER_01I know I'm saying it's not surfing.
SPEAKER_05Dude, I bodyboard for years. Just because my body is different right now, I still, man, I'm like a fucking cat. I'm all nimble. Sure, buddy. Dude, I'm telling you, I I definitely see it. I definitely can hold my balance.
SPEAKER_03Is the food good on those?
SPEAKER_05Well, the last one we did was uh Carnival.
SPEAKER_03Was it good? It was so awesome. Like not like cafeteria for you know, I think some of these cruises, I think like high class cafeteria.
SPEAKER_05Oh, definitely fucking like um the buffet, they had the main buffet, cafeteria, 100%. You go there for breakfast. Which Brick you can't ruin. That was a three-day well, you can. Like just just eggs. They had like fucking turkey sausage and runny eggs. Give me some toasted eggs every morning, I'll be alright. But the carnival was cool because they had these separate little tiny restaurants, you know, not restaurants, but just like walk-ups. Little different spots. Right, right, right. They had Guy's burgers. Guy Fieri had his own. You walk up and just go, give me a double cheeseburger. Fucking anytime you want, dude. Just go up and get burgers, and they were killer. Did they close down at night? They closed at 10. The only place after midnight was a pizza place. But it was awesome. It was bomb because if you're gonna be able to do it. I went there at like one in the morning.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, 1 a.m., 2 a.m. drunk.
SPEAKER_05They got casinos fruffing around. But uh they got the casinos, so I'm there and I'm like, if I'm gonna get a piece of pizza. Yeah. They give me a whole pizza, dude. It's small, you know. Yeah, yeah. But I'm like, fuck yeah, like a personal pizza. Yeah, yeah. Boom. Yeah. They had Shaq's chicken. Like, are they like big ass chickens? Oh, dude, Shaq's chicken shop was or Shaq's Chicken Shack. Uh uh, funny. But it was awesome, dude. They got you just go, eh, it's three piece, they give you some fries.
SPEAKER_02Get some fries.
SPEAKER_05Dude, funny thing, he was he was on a commercial, so you don't get like TV in there. Yeah, you do. You get like a closed network, uh yeah, you can watch the ship, you know, from front of the ship, you know. But they had this one channel, it was just of one commercial on loop. And it's Shaq. And it's Shaq. Hey, it's a good time for a cruise. And then it would have this. I I recorded it. It was in our head. So I sent it to them the whole time. Freaking fly. Get off my face, you motherfucker. Um, I sent it to them uh every six months. I'm like, hey, remember this? This is fucking Shaq in the suit. He's like half in the water, dude, and he's on a this and they go, What's a root without a beer or something? You know, and it's this whole ridiculous. And a starfish would come up and give you a high five. And we'd we're bored, we're just sitting in this room. Do they have movies though?
SPEAKER_03Movies you can watch in your room, like pre pre saved. Yeah, maybe. Or did you guys bring your own shit like on your iPad or whatever? No, there's no internet or nothing, dude. Like no, because like when Jen and I travel, we download a bunch of shit on our iPad, like Netflix shows, and they're downloaded, so they're saved on there. So you don't need internet, you can just watch it based off of the phone.
SPEAKER_01Well, now my dad learned how to download TikToks. That's what he's gonna do for the next one.
SPEAKER_05Here's fucking stream like so you get no shit, and I'm I have my Facebook reels, you know. Yeah, and I must have watched five right before I lost service. Yeah. So the whole three days, you could open Facebook, and I'm like, oh, it's opened. And you s you watch about 20 seconds of each one, and it would just pause. Like, yeah, and then I said Yeah. And then you could scroll the next one, watch 20 seconds, 20 seconds. Yeah. So I watched the same clips over and over for four days. But I I wasn't there to watch.
SPEAKER_03And I get that, yeah. You're not gonna be there. But there's those like at night. Yeah, exactly. But I would when I I like the TV on before I go to bed, especially on a hotel or something, and I want to watch the well, I downloaded movies from like Netflix or something.
SPEAKER_05That's what I asked and they didn't work. Well, that's she interrupted. Back to it, yeah. It won't cast, it wouldn't even play them, dude. Really? No. See, that's weird. It just wouldn't even play them. So it was like, I'm fucked.
SPEAKER_03That that was like my Nintendo Switch. I tried turning it on like fresh when I was on the plane, thinking, all right, and then it's like you need to download an update. I'm like, I'm on the fucking plane, I just want to play the game. Like, I I put in a cartridge in my Nintendo Switch. I should be able to just access the game, yeah and play the fun game. It's like, nope, you need this update, and blah blah blah. This is ridiculous. This is bullshit.
SPEAKER_05You couldn't get shit, dude. Like, so we went to we're trying to entertain Vinny, you know, so we got and went to the arcade. It's like pretty nice little arcade. You win some tickets and games. Yeah. Well, claw games and some no, some new shit, some old school shit, some pinballs, whatever. It was it was worthy. But it's like, okay, well, we're gonna go watch this fucking weird band or whatever. You wanna hang out and play well, we gotta get him a fifty dollar card. Right, keep 'em busy for a couple hours. You do that, or I could get you internet for two days. He's like, I'll take the internet and go sit in a room while you guys go out. Because at night that you know it wasn't nothing for him to do.
SPEAKER_01He had me log into his Snapchat every day when you guys when you guys run the cruise so he could keep his streaks alive. That's funny. And it's funny because I actually I'd like send pictures, I'd send a picture of myself and I'd put, you know, the little S and I'm like, oh, it's Caitlin, it's uh Caitlin, like Vinny's sister taking over. And actually, this girl that he's friends with is like, oh my god, you're so pretty. And I am friends with her on my Snapchat now, and she'll always she'll always try and send me like her little streak thing, and I'm like, I'm not I'm not gonna do that.
SPEAKER_03She's funny how boys and girls are different. Because if my brother asked me to do that, I would have, but it would have been like pictures of my ass, and I would have gotten his account banned, you know? I would have been like, eh, just close up of your asshole. My asshole. Like, what the fuck is that? And then get his account banned, permanently banned, or like, you fucking dick. Like, yeah, that's the boys, boys and girls are different.
SPEAKER_01We're definitely I'm sure he's gonna ask me again on this next cruise to keep his streaks.
SPEAKER_03Well, he's like on my duolingo.
SPEAKER_01It's just gonna be a bunch of baby pictures.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, well, we're probably gonna get internet because like I said, at nighttime.
SPEAKER_03You just like to dude, I'd like to throw something on. Like it just even if it's the TV in the hotel room or whatever we're at, like I like to have the noise on being insecure, and I just saw that like yesterday on a TikTok.
SPEAKER_05I know it's shut down. Do you need to fall asleep to the TV? I'm like, yes.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_05Do you my TV and the phone means I have the TV on and I'm looking at my phone as it's yeah, and they're like, it means you're you grew up wrong, and that basically you grew up wrong and you're insecure. I'm like, fuck this video. Yeah, you know, that's just nice. Next wipe to the next, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Well, Kate knows again in our bed, I have the fucking the thing that holds the phone. Oh yeah. The thing that comes out on the bed frame. On the bed frame, yeah, holds the phone and like shit. I watched my phone to like pass out my little clicker. I have a little a little thing that Bluetooth and it lets you click. Oh, you click? Yeah, you're like, so that's really good. I don't have the shit. I do have that.
SPEAKER_01I just wanna because I knew like I I know like Jen reads and stuff. I figured there was one like for her, maybe for reading and stuff.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's there's on the one on her side is for a Kindle.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03So she puts it down, she puts so she actually, you know, just like an arm that comes over you. It's an arm that comes over the bed and it holds her Kindle in place so she can read it without having to hold it with her hand. And mine is just for my phone, and I have that little clicker that I Bluetooth to it so that I can doom scroll without having to put my hand on the screen. Lazy. I can keep my hand down and just do that. And then I have my CPAP on. So I'm a CPAP on watching that type fucking.
SPEAKER_05What? Oh, buddy. Oh, this is a C you gotta take a selfie tonight. I will. I will, I'll show you my book. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll put it on the on the Facebook. Sitting there all fucking closed. I'll put it on the Facebook scrolling.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. That's fucking ridiculous. That's that's what I do, buddy. Where do you get that though? I want one. Uh it's on Amazon. They have the arms, they connect to the back of your bed. They they strap to your headboard.
SPEAKER_05Back of my bed, I don't have a headboard.
SPEAKER_03You have a headboard? No.
SPEAKER_01The only time I've ever seen those, like before I saw it at your guys' house, was I used to be a caregiver. And the elderly people who because I did in-home caregivers, and the elderly people always had that. They had the big arm with their phone for their tablet. I've never seen anyone younger than like 70 with that.
SPEAKER_05It's just super convenient. I just have to sit there and like she's calling us elderly. Yeah. And you know. I'm not calling you elderly. The people you hang out with don't even go to sleep. So hey.
SPEAKER_01I didn't call you elderly.
SPEAKER_05You guys are up all night. Anyway, hey, we're the humans race. We'll be right back.
SPEAKER_04The crowd lately showed up because the crowd stands before you.
SPEAKER_05Welcome back to the human. Derek, Kate, and Abe.
SPEAKER_01Showing feelings of an emotional. It's been a whole lot of human nature.
SPEAKER_05Fucking great song, huh?
SPEAKER_01That will not enjoy.
SPEAKER_03I remember being 12, and my dad's like, You want to watch a movie? And I was like, What movie? It's called The Wall. And I was like, What? And I fell in love with Pink Floyd right there. I was like, What the hell is this?
SPEAKER_05That was amazing.
SPEAKER_03But it was the devil music, so you know you couldn't listen to it, but my dad showed it to me when my mom said. But who told you it was devil music? My mom. Oh, bro. I always thought I was telling the the kids when they were here last week that uh um my mom used to find my ska CDs. Ska music. Oh. Ska. And break my ska. No doubt. No, uh, so it was a little rougher. Like voodoo glows goes, you're listening to it. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_01So she was like like the dad on um Tenacious Dick of Destiny.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah, yeah. She would break all my records, break all my albums, uh uh my CDs of tapes of anything. The devil's music. The devil's music, yeah. And it wasn't until I was older than she was she finally stopped breaking my shit.
SPEAKER_05But the best thing I saw a couple weeks ago was a TikTok of ska music. My kid described ska music as the feeling that you get when you eat chicken nuggets. You know, I'm like, fuck yeah, man. You're like, here's why you know.
SPEAKER_03That's why Steve and I always laugh, and we always say, Did you drop some pennies? He's like, Why? So you can pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up.
SPEAKER_01When I think of ska music, I think of the theme song for America's Funniest Home Videos.
SPEAKER_03Uh meh.
SPEAKER_01That's like the number one ska song I think of.
SPEAKER_03I was thinking Mighty Mighty Boss Stones.
SPEAKER_02Oh, do it again. Never had to knock out the wood.
SPEAKER_05I know that, but do America's Funniest. I don't remember that.
SPEAKER_03Meh meh. Meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh.
SPEAKER_05Man, I'm fucking lost on it. Oh. Now we're gonna have to find it.
SPEAKER_03Like now we gotta find fucking America's Funniest Home Videosong.
SPEAKER_05America's Funniest Home Videos theme. What is it? This is not it.
SPEAKER_01That's way off, man.
SPEAKER_05Oh, that is it though.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, there it is.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I guess so. I never even picked up on that, dude. Total ska, bro. It is, but this is the real song, too. I was a Total Skull kid. Because listen to the words.
SPEAKER_02To make you smile.
SPEAKER_03That's like more like Big Bandy, not really. It's just America's America.
SPEAKER_02This is you, baby.
SPEAKER_05Because I don't remember like America!
SPEAKER_02America!
SPEAKER_05Yeah, buddy. Ska music. Ska music. Ska music, buddy. So I started with the great song. Mm-hmm. You know what song it was? Pippy Floyd, the trial? The trial. Wendy got called for jury duty.
SPEAKER_03Oh no. Uh uh. That was Jenny. Do she always get called for jury duty? Really? Have you ever? No, I've not I'm not registered to, so. You don't have to be. I brought them off. My name is Rusty Shackeford.
SPEAKER_05No, no, no. What you just said, Wendy always said, because I said, hey, you gotta register to vote. You know, this is 10 years ago, whatever. I'm like, you gotta No, I ain't doing that because I don't want to go jury duty and shit. And she still got served, huh? Well, that that's not how you get served in Arizona. How? If you got a driver's license in Arizona, you get called for jury eligible.
SPEAKER_03Jen's been called like three times. I never have in the 20 years I've been out here.
SPEAKER_05I've been out here forty years, you know? Really? And maybe once? 12 years ago. Did you get out of it? No, they they had me call on the phone. So they'd say, hey, call every day at five or whatever. I call and they're like, we're not needed. Try back tomorrow. So I did it for like four days, and then there's a lot of things. Nothing. Boom. But her, she got a letter, she's gotta go right down to Camp Furdy and fucking do this, dude.
SPEAKER_03That happened to Jen, and the last trial she did was a guy that got popped for uh sexually assaulting ladies during massages.
SPEAKER_00Oh.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And I told Jen, well, there you go, you can get out of it. She's like, why? And I go, because you're biased. I sexually assault you all the time during massages. Tell them you can't differentiate.
SPEAKER_05I thought it was normal. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I'm like, bro, I can turn massages into magic. All right, let me just tell you. When Jen asks for a massage, she gets 20 minutes of a real one and 20 minutes of nothing. 20 minutes. I'll go all out and I will give Jen the full. I've given it to you.
SPEAKER_05Dude, I give a good job six minutes.
SPEAKER_03No, no. Jen gets from me, she's the luckiest woman. She gets a full 40, 30, 40 minutes from me where I go all out, actually do it, and and go her calves, go her do everything.
SPEAKER_05That's bullshit.
SPEAKER_03Ask her. You're not rubbing her chick for 40 minutes. No, no. I will still come on her, because that's still gonna happen, but she will get a full massage for it. She will get a full massage still ain't 40 minutes. I give her 40 minutes, 40, 50 minutes. I watch a TV show, I'm doing it, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, it's still gonna end with me getting some nookies, though. I don't I don't complain. It still works.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I I call bullshit. That's a long time. I I'll give you 15. You probably, yeah, that's good. Hey, good. A little slap on the ass. You're like, huh? Like, turn around. Yeah, come on, man. Let me do your 14 minutes. I mean, people are getting paid, you know, 80 bucks for that shit.
SPEAKER_03Hey, bro, but when I do, I I get the whole show when I do that. I'm talking about the whole show, so I do it quite often because I get I get rewarded.
SPEAKER_05So how how good, how deep do you massage?
SPEAKER_03How deep is your love?
SPEAKER_05How deep is your love? Do you get into the cheeks?
SPEAKER_03How deep is yellow? In between the thighs, like you get cheeks without touching private parts. Without being a pervert about it. Yeah, yeah. Everything.
SPEAKER_05Well, let's not go that we're not being pervert. Oh, I'm being a total pervert. Fuck off me. Yeah. But we'll still get in there close to that's our sexual. Like, oh, look at that. You're making that so close. You know? But but you're keeping it professional.
SPEAKER_03Keeping it professional, yeah. You know? Yeah, ask her for a tip. I get the bells out after.
SPEAKER_05If someone else did that and they're keeping it bullshit, we're to the point too close.
SPEAKER_03We're to the point where we want to buy this thing that goes in between your mattresses and it lets you stick your head in like the like the table. I see them, dude. It's just a headpiece, and you put it for sell. You put it at the end of the mattress and you can sit down. You going that far? I'm going that far, buddy.
SPEAKER_05Well, did Wendy come get one for me? He loves massages. I don't like massages. I I don't like people touching it.
SPEAKER_03Oh dude, I love massages. I love massages, yes. I go on the regular, I get them at my chiropractor's office, they do them. So I get them. A lot of chiropractors do now. Yeah, they have them there. And every now and then they'll be able to do it.
SPEAKER_05Well, they have a specialist.
SPEAKER_03Oh, they'll have like a cancellation that of like, oh, some today so get this get this last cancellation slot for like 60 bucks instead of like 90. So I'll jump in. I'll be like, Oh, sure. Let me get that. Let me get that.
SPEAKER_05Well, Wendy worked for a chiropractor for years. Before all this? Before she met you. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So everybody that doesn't know, the only reason I know Derek is because I worked for Wendy years before that.
SPEAKER_05Well, you didn't work for her, you worked with her.
SPEAKER_03She was manager.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, but still. I mean, it's not like she was the manager. She didn't own the fucking place. No, she can't. I worked for her.
SPEAKER_03She was the when when someone's above you, then they're your manager.
SPEAKER_05Okay, but you could say I worked with her still. So anyway, I worked with Wendy. Yeah, I'm working with Wendy. That's how I meant. But she worked before that for this Dr. Reach. He's an old pilot. No, no, no, no. It's not the name. No. I know the name sounds weird. He's Reach is it.
SPEAKER_03It sounds like I'm fucking making this up already, dude. The Dr. fucking fondle.
SPEAKER_05Fondle D. Um for real though. But he's an old time dude. So like when I lived here as a child, I was I lived here from 70s, uh 80s. From one year old till 13, say. My stepmom worked for Dr. Reach. Oh, okay. And Prescott too. It was a trip, man. It's like cool.
SPEAKER_03So Wendy fucking fell into the same spot. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05But Dr. Reach was like fucking 90 at the time that Wendy worked. Got that. So he was at the they had this other practitioner in there, you know. Yeah, yeah. And this dude, he was cool, but I knew he was little fruity. And no, dude, I'm just telling you, I you you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he just totally came out. He has a boyfriend named Steve, which is fucking perfect. Steve, man. More power to him. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, whatever, dude. Right, right. But she got free massages for years after. Jeez. The business had to close because this dude that took over was blessing people.
SPEAKER_03No. Touching you? Did he touch you? Did he touch you? He did. He did. He made you awkward.
SPEAKER_05He made me awkward. He made me feel awkward for sure. Dude. But but I, you know, I'm just like, hey, maybe that's part of it, you know. I don't I don't really get massages, you know. Like maybe you're supposed to fondle the balls a little bit. I don't know. I don't know. Like fucking Joey. He always grabs it, moves it to the left way, right?
SPEAKER_03That's how they do pants.
SPEAKER_05You know, that's what I was thinking, but no, he was dry he lived in Phoenix, so he would, you know, come here every day, go back, and apparently, not apparently he got convicted of this, so he would be naked driving home to Phoenix and flying his shit on the freeway, and really it was weird. I'm like, I fucking knew that guy was weird. Yeah. Like, and this was this was a couple years after Wendy already worked there, you know? Right. So, but I'm like, I'm not going no more massage. I don't want like I'm done. Like, we got free chiropractors, he'd come in and crack my neck and shit, and then like slap me in the mouth, like sexy and shit. I'm like, what the fuck, dude? Like, yeah, I would take it, tough guy. No, no, no, he didn't do that. He didn't do that. But it was just a little weird.
SPEAKER_03So free rectal exams, I don't know.
SPEAKER_05So then after so they closed. That was not Dr. Reach. Right, right. The other guy was the other guy. He was great. He's Dr. Reach retired. He did his thing. I'm not slandering him his name by anyone. Whoever the other guy was. This other dude, but it was wild and Dr.
SPEAKER_01Chandler.
SPEAKER_05We're not saying names.
SPEAKER_01Oh, are you recording?
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I didn't realize because your headphones were off, sorry.
SPEAKER_05Because I'm a little hot. If it's public record, we're alright. Yeah, no shit. But anyway, yeah. He was exposing himself and it's like I fucking knew him, man.
SPEAKER_03I knew that dude was like I do, but I mean the privacy of my own home.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, well, yeah, you're not driving down a highway flinging at freaking sometimes.
SPEAKER_03You ever you ever moon? You you must have gone mooning with your friends, right? In a car? Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. Like you were the one whose ass was out the window?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, while I was driving.
SPEAKER_03Oh.
SPEAKER_05Dude, I got you up. Put on cruise controls. Fuck yeah, dude. Just kidding. And I had my ass out of the moon roof. I ain't even kidding you. This true story. Lake of the Ozarks, man. Tell the man it's time to shoot the moon. Shoot the moon! On the radio. Oh yeah, I've done some wacky shit.
SPEAKER_02Oh yeah, we used to go. We used to go mooning. That was fun.
SPEAKER_05That's what you think about now is like I'm wasting a lot of time right now in the last year. Just wasting a lot of time. You know, between doing the baseball bullshit or whatever, and like, I don't fucking want to do anything. I'm like, am I wasting my life away right now, taking naps and shit? And it's like, man, the shit I've done, I could take a year off. Maybe I need a year off. That's why I like when people talk about like And it's not like I'm sick, like I'm oh, I have no energy to do anything. It's not like that. Kind of concern. You know, because people are like, oh, you're just Are you depressed? Yeah, you read that shit online from work and want to take a nap. I'm like, yeah. Do you want to escape everyone? Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, this is all me. And it's like then you have depression. You're depressed. I'm like, I'm not depressed. I'm not sick. I'm fucking tired, man.
SPEAKER_03No, I I I talk about that all the time with Jen with like retiring. Cause she which I'm I'm down to do because she wants to travel when we retire. Like we better be traveling all the time, which is fine, which is great. But when we travel, I want to get to a place and do nothing. And the same thing with retiring. Like, if you parked me in front of the TV to play video games all day and do fuck all day, I am I am down. I'm I'm in. You're like, I'll do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do nothing. I'm in. Yeah, that's where Steve and I classed on our vacation because he's like, all right, what are we doing today? I'm like, how about just nothing? Nothing. Let's just go to a sauna and sit and go grab drinks. I forgot, that's boring, bro. Let's go see everything. I'm like, but like, how about nothing, dude?
SPEAKER_05Nothing's great to well, and and you know, to be fair, it was a long ass vacation at two weeks, you know. So we need a day. You need a day.
SPEAKER_03We did do some days.
SPEAKER_05Some days was just like let's say the first six or even seven days, like fucking let's rock something out after that. It's like, all right. You want to just like I need a cocktail, we'll go out and have some lunch, yeah, yeah. Drinks, and that's exactly exactly. Lick a toad, do something fucking weird, you know. No, I don't know about that.
SPEAKER_03You know, however it comes out. But that though circling back then to the cruise aspect, do you get that downtime then when you guys are there during the day, or is it with this new one, is it gonna be like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
SPEAKER_05Through the day on a cruise, um we don't we're pretty green to it. So we're you know, now we're figuring it out. Figuring it out. It's like, okay, we know what to expect and shit. You can go out in the daytime, do some trivia of a couple things. It's you know, fun, you know. Um You get a drink package this time? I'm not gonna do it because you have to do both people. Right. And she don't drink and I really I did the math, bro. Like you gotta Which I could do easily. You gotta drink like twelve drinks a day for it to be worth it. Nothing, but I'd have to drink twenty-four a day to make it worth it. To make it worth it. Which you're not because Wendy doesn't twenty-four cocktails a day. I mean, I could drink with the best of 'em, but twenty you know, I fucking grab a couple tall boys and I cruise around. I'm not there just to get fucked up. I can do eight eight beauty. I'm hanging with my wife and my son. Right. I'm gonna sit there and drink twenty-four drinks and just be a fucking asshole. No, no, no. No. I I'd be fine with like six a day and be cool. Yeah, dude. I get and when I want a beer, I'm like, oh, look at that green grasshopper fruity thing. I'm fucking getting that.
SPEAKER_03Or get an IP get an IPA where you know it's gonna stretch a little longer and kind of buzz you up or something.
SPEAKER_05That's true.
SPEAKER_03That's go the idea.
SPEAKER_05That's a strategy.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_05I don't know. I'd be like, oh fuck, every drink.
SPEAKER_03No, because I was doing I was doing that on I was doing that on vacation. I was like four beers in, and I'd be like, I'm not getting the buzz. I'm gonna switch over to like a vodka soda, and then I two vodka sodas in. I'm like, okay, now I caught that buzz, then I'd give it an hour, and then maybe a beer or two afterwards to finish off.
SPEAKER_05But I love drinking. Yeah, period. I love drinking. But man, I don't go on there just to get ham boned. I'm I'm like, let's have some fun with the fam and enjoy the activities that are there. I wouldn't did Wendy did get a headache last time, so she had to go lay down. Me and Vinny went out. We saw this weird he looked like a homeless guy. He almost looked like he was on a reality show or something, you know, like this guy can't be real, right? You know? He definitely wearing a wig, long hair and this mustache and beard. What if he's witness protection, bro? Dude, I swear, I thought he was I'm looking for cameras and shit. I thought this guy was like definitely doing some kind of hidden show. But but everywhere we go, we'd see this guy. And ships are huge, but when you find your niche of what you're liking, you see the same dude, like, okay, he's over at the 80s trivia, he's at this, whatever. So me and Vinny were hanging out alone, Mama's sleeping, and I go befriend the guy, dude. I'm like, let's go over and hang out with him. You would. And you know, why not? Yeah. I'm like, he's a hundred percent. This is second day. So he's a hundred percent on his own. You know, he is yeah, no one with them. Yeah, he doesn't have a mate or nothing, dude. So he's just I just went over and hey man, I've seen you around a few times, these trivias. You know what's up, you wanna you want a partner, and we could nail some of these questions, whatever. Super cool, nice dude. And bring Vinny over. Now we're at his table, you know, because he's close to the stage, because he's first, you know. He's the first at everything. So, hey, let's go over. And nice talking with you, man. Wendy is up, we're ready to go, you know, see Wendy. And now he's like following us and shit. Hey, we're gonna go meet my wife and shit. I'll I'll see you later. We come down from the elevator. He's waiting for you. There he is, dude. And Wendy's there, and I'm like, hey, I told you I was gonna meet this guy. So we made friends with the guy, but he's not fucking leaving, dude. Yeah, he's like he glommed on to us. Clean you fucked up. What are you guys doing later? He wanted to meet us at a show. Uh and I'm like, dude, you know, like fucked up, bro. You fucked up. You try to be nice, and then next thing you know, you got this because that's not the worst thing.
SPEAKER_03The worst thing would be like, hey, maybe I'll run into you guys tonight later. You see me come by and say hello. That's the normal thing. That's what I said to him. That's like what I said to him.
SPEAKER_05And he goes, What time? They got one. He pulls up his little apps, they got one at seven, meets you there at seven. I'm like, I think we're gonna hit dinner. And now you're trying to fucking jibjaw around shit, you know, like ah well, you know, I might feel something coming on. Yeah, you're trying not to be able to hear that guy. Now now you see him, you're like, oh yeah, hi. But no, dude, I've yeah. It yeah, cruiser fun, dude. Yeah, so we're going and scenario. Massages on the cruise or no massages? They do, but they're like $300 an hour. Oh, jeez. So and they don't even give you the hand slide, bro.
SPEAKER_03I do when Steve in between the thighs. Uh Steve was telling me when he and Mara went to uh Bali, they stood in their resort. It was 50 cent beers and five dollar massages every morning in the room. Oh, well, I'll get a massage for five years. And then they tip like 10 bucks.
SPEAKER_05I'll get $5. $15 massage, yeah, sure. Yeah, dude. But do you do you prefer uh a man or a woman? Do you have a preferred woman?
SPEAKER_03Why? Um I just think women one are more intuitive, women got a softer touch. And always every time I've gotten a massage from a guy one time, and he was like, no, bro, I'm not I wasn't looking for a fucking he's like deep tissue, bro, it's gonna work. I'm like, I didn't like that.
SPEAKER_05I like the answer. I didn't like that. I like your answer. Yeah, women now just I didn't want you to be all sticky and be like, oh, I don't like AD touch me. No, no, no. That is not the reason I don't like guys massages. I mean they hurt. They hurt, yeah, fucking hurt, dude. I'm like, ah, sending with like a doctor, I think we've said this. I would rather be just like rubbed on the surface. You know, maybe a little thumbs.
SPEAKER_01I I well a good massage place would ask you what your preferences are and give you someone.
SPEAKER_05Even though even yeah, even with the preferences like I did that's why I got two reasons I don't like massages. It hurts sometimes. I'm I'm not like a fucking get in there, you know, yeah. Dude, I don't like that. I don't like even semi-deep. I just you know, give me a little rub or whatever, and just like a little bit, you know? Let me nap for 20 minutes. But also, I get hard on laying on my stomach, dude. I'm not gonna lie. All right, dude. And it doesn't matter if it's a guy or a girl. When I lay on my stomach, since I was a all the blood rushes there? Dude, it's just a thing just laying. I I end up popping bones, man. I don't, but chair.
SPEAKER_03And if it's a dude. I turn backwards where the where the face goes in the hole, I put my crouch in the room. Yeah, that's what I say.
SPEAKER_05I need a chair with a crouch down, dude.
SPEAKER_03What's that called? Um Ah God. Little Dickie the Rapper did that on his show, that show Dave, and he talks about like that was his favorite kind of of Crotch down. It's that kind of porn where the guy sticks his thing through and the girl does the thing under the table. I don't know what that's called.
SPEAKER_05I don't either. Anyways, go on. But I'll find it. Yeah, we'll find yeah. But no, I like laying on my stomach. I I tend to just get boners sometimes. You know, I'm getting old. Or maybe I can't lie, maybe. I still do.
SPEAKER_02No, buddy.
SPEAKER_05Nah, I never have, even with the the ladies, someone touching your back and you're fucking laying on your dong because your body weights on it, and next thing you know, you're like it fucking moved, and so I'm strictly Women only.
SPEAKER_03Women only. I think just anything like doctors, uh all that stuff. A woman to me is just always more intuitive. She's willing to sit there and listen to you more than a man who has it in his head already what he's gonna do.
SPEAKER_05So, what about like a a physical like getting I'd rather have a woman a woman? A woman, yes. Defluff?
SPEAKER_03No. What why? Why not? Because it's just a medical procedure. What? Why?
SPEAKER_05I don't care if it's medical pro they know your name. They see you at fucking safe way.
SPEAKER_03No, I d no, no, no.
SPEAKER_05You gotta give it a little just a little touch.
SPEAKER_03Like I know we talked about you in the hospital the last time. You're a little fluff. No, you gotta fluff a little.
SPEAKER_05I mean, I'm naturally off your ball sack that maybe at least move it over.
SPEAKER_03Sure.
SPEAKER_05Wake up, dude.
SPEAKER_03Hey, we got fucking company. But no, no. No? Normally that's not an issue. It's just it's just I feel more comfortable with living. I'm trying to be a woman's robber or nothing.
SPEAKER_05You know, I'm just saying. You know, like, hey man, wake up, man. Robber. You got you get fucking excuse me.
SPEAKER_03He's got a he's got a mind of his own.
SPEAKER_05Hey, wake up, man. We got company here coming, you know. No? Nothing? No. Yeah, me neither. Yeah, yeah. Hey, you ready to play a game? Yeah. Let's do this. Hey, look, let me finish the jury. Oh, jury, yes. So Wendy's going, hey, should I wear this? She comes out with this fucking It wasn't that bad. Nice blouse. Like something you wear to work, a meeting or something.
SPEAKER_01It's probably the same blouse that she wore to work when she worked with you.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, like something like that. I'm like, why would you do that? Like, do you want to be jury? And she's like, no. I'm like, I'd wear a fucking Metallica shirt or something like just wear something on. Like she's like, say something racist when you're there. That's what we're getting at. So how do I get out of this? And I'm like, tell me racist. And she goes, Kate told me the same thing.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And no, you don't have to be full on like racist. Just be subtly racist and be like, well, you know, those people deserve that. You know, just say subtle shit like that, and then they'll be like, so those people. Yeah. Them people. Just say shit like them people, those people, you know, like damn.
SPEAKER_05Well, brought up this fucking TV show that we've been watching on Prime. It's called the Jury. Jury Duty. Jury Duty. Jury Duty.
SPEAKER_01I I watched it like years ago and I told them about it. I'm like, you guys didn't get it. I just heard about it like a few weeks ago, and I started watching it, but I was watching the second season, which is jury duty, but because like if you do the same thing, they're gonna know because there's already been a first season out.
SPEAKER_05So the gist of this thing is trying to get out of it? No. How's like there's what ten people?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so the jury is like twelve people.
SPEAKER_05Um he goes in this guy goes in for a really gullible guy, you know.
SPEAKER_01Everybody is actors. The jury, the judge, the bailiff, the plaintiff, the defendant, everyone. They're all actors. They're all in on it. And yeah, this one guy in the jury.
SPEAKER_05Who's never been a jury duty, so he doesn't know what to expect, and he's super gullible.
SPEAKER_01He thinks that they're filming a documentary about how jury duty goes, whatever. And so he goes in and he's just all this off-the-wall shit's going on.
SPEAKER_05There's James Marson, the actor, is like a few of him so funny. You gotta watch this because it's so funny because he he portrays himself like such a dick. He's like, I love it. Yeah, I was in all these movies, dude. And acting like he's he hires to come take so he can get out of this because he's got a movie role.
SPEAKER_01And the judge is like, I've never heard of you. Like, are you you're not gonna be a distraction? Like, you need to stay in this jury.
SPEAKER_05So he stays in, but but he never makes the jury because he's alternate on prime, yeah. On prime it's called jury duty. Okay. So everyone. It's yeah, season one. Everyone's in on this thing except him, and he's going at points, he's going, what the fuck's going on here?
SPEAKER_01Like, I can make a movie out of this stuff and happening.
SPEAKER_05This is wild. But he's so naive to the whole how jury duty works, you know. So he's just like, I guess this is normal. They're going to Margaretaville and getting this one fucking weirdo guy, he's like an inventor.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah, he's into like robotics and science and all this.
SPEAKER_05Dude, you gotta watch this. But but no, jury duty. Yeah, that's it. Season one. Season one. Okay, season one. Okay. Check out season. It's so outrageous that how many times throughout the thing you go, I would be like, this is not fucking real. Like, no way. But he's a gullible dude and whatever. It's funny. It's kind of like the Joe Schmoe show that you used to do. But so anyway, anyway, Wendy ends up going and Oh, I know the other dude too on the left.
SPEAKER_03Okay, okay, okay.
SPEAKER_05Dude, check it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like 25 minutes at the end. That's awesome.
SPEAKER_02Okay, definitely.
SPEAKER_05So she made it down, they only need ten people for this. She's down to 12 left, and she's still in it. She's all worried. And then she calls me. Got released. Nice. So she didn't have to do it. But the whole thing was you don't have to be registered to vote no more. It's they will call you. It's a driver's license.
SPEAKER_01But me and him, we were like, damn, like, we kind of wish we would go.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I would go, dude. I don't want to go. No. Why?
SPEAKER_01No, I would I'd be down to go.
SPEAKER_03No. But they pay you for it too, no? Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_05They pay your day wages, they pay your gas, they pay I mean, back in the What if you got a big case and then you're sequestered and you're doing all this shit? Well, you can get out of it. There's there's ways to get out. Well, jury duty, of course. But remember there's an old movie with Carrot Top back in like early 90s.
SPEAKER_03I I thought you were thinking of um Polly Shore. Oh, Polly Shore. That's what I meant. Yeah, yeah, Polly Shore.
SPEAKER_05And he because he's a bum.
SPEAKER_03He didn't want to You didn't want to do it, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_05Well, they kind of bring that into this show. This one dude who who's lying about his marriage and shit, finds out they've been separated. He's like, so he's hanging up the jury because he's like, I don't know, I don't want to go home, man. You guys are my family now, dude. And this dude's like, I just gotta get the fuck out of here, you know. It's fucking funny, dude. Go check it out. Yeah. So but Wendy didn't get shows. So whatever.
SPEAKER_02Good.
SPEAKER_05Hey, we're gonna come back with a six-minute game. Are you ready?
SPEAKER_02Are you ready?
SPEAKER_05Are you ready now?
SPEAKER_01I'm ready.
SPEAKER_05We're not coming back, we're here.
SPEAKER_01This is bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.
unknownBam.
SPEAKER_01The human's race show.
SPEAKER_05No, the name of the game. The game! Weirdo and the human's race show.
SPEAKER_01Uh Celebrity uh height show.
SPEAKER_05Oh, I need my board. Board me. Get out of the board. I got mine right here. I didn't put mine away. I knew games were coming. So this is how tall are celebrities. Celebrities.
SPEAKER_03Now. How tall is Webster? Four? Smaller, no. Four?
SPEAKER_05Webster? Three nine. Okay, uh who knows with Caitlin making these games. Um she is free range on them, and who knows? Sometimes retarded, sometimes great. She just forgets that we're older and you could say like older and fatter. Um like Fred Gwen. She wouldn't be like, who's a Herman Monster? You know, how tall is Fred Gwen?
SPEAKER_03Because he wore the uh the the platform shoes and then he had the top of the This is a bonus one before we can start.
SPEAKER_05This is for a bonus point. Fred Gwen.
SPEAKER_01Fred Gwen?
SPEAKER_05GW. Okay. How tall do you think? Fred Fred One. Five ten? Oh, dude. I think he was already huge, and then they put those platforms on. I'm saying he's six one. I'm gonna go five ten. I'll go six foot. Six foot.
SPEAKER_01He's six five.
SPEAKER_05Oh, shit. He was a monster, dude, and then they put those on it.
SPEAKER_01Before the platforms, he was about seven feet.
SPEAKER_05Oh, see? One for me. What was the theme to the monsters?
SPEAKER_01Um mom's ring back tone.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Back in the day.
SPEAKER_03Or Adam's family.
SPEAKER_05See, these are all foreshadowing for uh for our bracket. Our brackets.
SPEAKER_04The creepy and the kooky. Mysterious and kooky. They're all together, rookie. The Addams family.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, dude. You get dukes.
SPEAKER_03You mean you got we got it all, bro. We're gonna we're gonna put it all together. You should at least have twenty each.
SPEAKER_05Okay. Bin it. Bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, beep, bean.
SPEAKER_02What about the the uh what was that? The small I don't know which one was that night court.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, saxophone uh I was gonna go uh night court. No, that's that's not night court, that's uh People's Court. People's court People's Court Dan Dan Dan Dan.
SPEAKER_05I'll do so many. Yeah. Alright. I gotta go to dinner. Let's do this.
SPEAKER_01Alright, you guys ready?
SPEAKER_05Okay, what do we got?
SPEAKER_01Alright, first one. Guests are hype. We got Jimmy Fallon.
SPEAKER_05Ooh. He's a dainty little man. Who's Jimmy Fallon?
SPEAKER_01Jimmy Fallon. He he has a tonight show with Jimmy Fallon.
SPEAKER_05Jimmy Fallon is one of the funny.
SPEAKER_01Dude, he's so funny. I love watching. Like he has.
SPEAKER_05I think I started watching.
SPEAKER_01He does all like on his show, like a bunch of funny things like the ad libs or like celebrities will like he even spawned like other shows off of him playing games with celebrates.
SPEAKER_03Because he was the first one to play like games with celebrities. Because celebrities always did the night show thing that you come, you promote, you telephone, your story. But he was the first one that was like, let's play charade. Let's play truth or lie, you know, let's play all this shit. And then he spun off shows with that.
SPEAKER_05And then all this bullshit scene and videos, and he's funny, man. I like him. I like him too.
SPEAKER_03I'm not a big like And he doesn't get I'm not a Tonight Show fan. Like, I don't watch the Tonight Show. Like, I don't know. I start watching Jimmy Phil. The only late night I ever watched was Conor Bryant.
SPEAKER_05I love it. We love Conan. Dude, hell Conan. Yeah, I guess.
SPEAKER_01I love when he does the um out of the country episode. Those? Oh my god.
SPEAKER_03The one where he's the old timey baseball guy, the one where he does the Civil War reenactment. Like, dude, all the time. I just watched all those videos. Triumph the Underdog, dude. Or not Triumph the Underdog. Uh uh, yeah. Triumph uh the Insult Comic Dog.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Triumph the Under Dog. And back in the 90s, he'd go, in the year 2000. In the year 2000! Do you remember that? Dude, that was the shit. And then when he brought back Andy Richter, it was great. Anyways, Jimmy Fallon? I got 5'10. I went 5'11.
SPEAKER_01He's six foot.
SPEAKER_03One for him.
SPEAKER_05In the Spoochie. I figured he's a s he's a dainty guy, but he's tall and thin. Tall.
SPEAKER_01Alright, next one. I gotta. This was Adam. Conan O'Brien.
SPEAKER_03Oh. Oh fuck. Because he's fucking huge. Huge.
SPEAKER_01You think so?
SPEAKER_03Conan O'Brien.
SPEAKER_05Oh, the O'Brien. I got mine. Hang on, hang on. I'm gonna go. Dude, I went I went tall. I went outrageous. I went at Rage.
SPEAKER_01Okay, what'd you get, Dad?
SPEAKER_05He's 12'9. 12-9. I got him at 6'6. I went six foot four.
SPEAKER_01Abe got it six foot four. Nah! Sucking the games. Okay. He's got some bedazzles to get added to his. Yeah, no shit. You need some bedazzles. Alright, next one we got Jennifer Aniston.
SPEAKER_05Ooh.
SPEAKER_01Jennifer Lopez. What's your guys' favorite Jennifer Aniston movie?
SPEAKER_03Fucking horrible bosses because she's so fucking bad.
SPEAKER_01Dude, she I love sexy as that.
SPEAKER_05She's slutty in that one. I like her.
SPEAKER_01I like horrible bosses.
SPEAKER_05I like her in Meet the Millers. She was funny in that.
SPEAKER_03It's not about sexy and she was a in friends. She never wore a bra in Friends. That was my favorite fucking thing. I like her at Yog.
SPEAKER_05The clip I saw walking out of a yogurt shop. That's probably one more.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. No, but horrible bosses. My favorite so far. Oh no, no. The uh the one with the um the breakup with uh uh Vince Vaughn, where she's like, my sister's been through a lot, and he goes, Yeah, of dick.
SPEAKER_05No, wait, wait. Since we're still going on this, I like that one with um Adam Sandler? Yeah, where he's she's acting she's pretending to be his wife. Just go with it. Just go with it. I like that one. That was a good one too. Okay, Jennifer Anderson. Remember uh the the girlfriend or her friend that she called a piece of shit.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, uh taking uh Dunvin uh Devlin.
SPEAKER_05Devlin. Yeah, but her boyfriend was Dave Matthews. Yes, dude. I remember and they're picking up that fucking coconut and shit, and he's got his ass cheeks, he picks it up and shit, dude. Dude, he used hilarious. And then he ends up being gay at the end. I got uh Aniston, I got five six.
SPEAKER_02I went five six also.
SPEAKER_01She's five four.
SPEAKER_03Oh, I had five five, and you see I changed it. Yep. I think we'll both get that one. We'll give it a both.
SPEAKER_05Okay. Oh, yeah. That's better than no one get nothing. Right. We both get one. We both get one. We're positive show here. Positive.
SPEAKER_01Alright, next up, Vince Vaughn.
SPEAKER_03Oh, that's we talked about that.
SPEAKER_01There was this girl I used to know. And she I don't know if she was like a pathological liar. She kind of seems like it, but she used to always baby, right? She used to always say that she was like in love with him, and they had like this true romance, and they were inseparable and stuff. And I'm like, I don't think that ever happened.
SPEAKER_05That happens now. That's people, dude. That happens now though, with uh AI and the shit we were talking about.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, because they really think she said that she saw him in person and that he came to her house and was like walking around naked and talking about how free he was and how great it was to be in like away from LA.
SPEAKER_05Sounds believable to me. But I'm gonna tell you I found one exception, but every single movie he's in, he dances. And you fucking pay attention. Pay attention.
SPEAKER_01I will now. I'll definitely notice No.
SPEAKER_05Dancer. He dances in the swing.
SPEAKER_03The swingers, it's it's it's uh uh John Farro dances at the end of the swing.
SPEAKER_05They all dance throughout the movie. He dances in every movie. Anyways. Every movie. Sure. Go check it out. Sure.
SPEAKER_01All right, well, you guys have.
SPEAKER_05I got six five. I went six two.
SPEAKER_01Six five. Bam, baby, I'm on the board.
SPEAKER_05You're on you're two on the board. I know it. I know. Oh yeah. Two on the board. Two on the board. Tybee. Okay.
SPEAKER_01Okay, you guys ready for the next one?
SPEAKER_05Let's go.
SPEAKER_01We got Johnny Depp.
SPEAKER_05Oh, Johnny Depp. He's a Juanito Depp. He's a little pirate.
SPEAKER_01A little pirate. He could be a big pirate.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I mean he could be a big big too. I don't know. What's your favorite Johnny Depp movie? I'll tell you mine. Crybaby. What is it? Oh, Crybaby's a great movie. That was a good movie. Fucking hatchet face and shit, dude. Um Fear and Loathing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. That's a good one.
SPEAKER_05Oh, I stole that one. That's an extra point. Because he's 5'7. 5'10.
SPEAKER_015'10. Damn.
SPEAKER_05Good thing I got something nice to say about him. Alright, this is the last one. Last one. Four. What's the score? It's 42, so. This one's worth three.
SPEAKER_03300.
SPEAKER_01Bruno Mars.
SPEAKER_03Oh, he's Filipino, so you know he's got to be on that short side. They got them short kings.
SPEAKER_01What's your guys' favorite Bruno Mars song? Uh I'ma leave the doll oh big.
SPEAKER_05Technically it's not. Well, that's him singing. It's Anderson Pack. I know. It's Anderson Pack. That's not I'm gonna leave the doll oh big.
SPEAKER_00You wanna oh pin that's your feel the big thing.
SPEAKER_05You wanna open it up to anything he song, that's probably one of mine too.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Or I'ma leave the door. That's how it is, but whatever fuck you were saying.
SPEAKER_03Or or the TikTok one, the if the world is in, I wanna be next.
SPEAKER_00I'm not gonna Bruno Mindspan.
SPEAKER_05That's a great one, too. And they're fucking smoking out the window.
SPEAKER_03Or the Michelle Pfeiffer, that white girl.
SPEAKER_05Dude, he's fucking money. And you're out of your mind and you're fucking wrong. Lose one one negative one for Kate. Yeah. Because that dude is so cool. No, he's cool.
SPEAKER_01He's got good music. Like he's got a good voice, but I don't like his like I personally don't like his music.
SPEAKER_05I love it. I love his new fucking one. No. You heard that one with the Mexican fucking horns and shit? Yes.
SPEAKER_03It's got the Mexican intro on it.
SPEAKER_05Wendy doesn't like it so much. I like it. I love it.
SPEAKER_03I like it.
SPEAKER_05I love him, man. And he went and bought a car wash, dude. Did he really? You can get your nails done. Gotta get your investments. Dude, it's a nail salon, and you get your car washed through a drive-thru car wash. I'm like, this guy is living the streets, bro. That's how it goes, bro. That's how it goes. And then he lost he he almost got kicked out of Vegas.
SPEAKER_03No, the the story goes is that he owed like millions of dollars.
SPEAKER_05He owed like six million dollars to a fucking casino. Right. So they're gonna kick his residency out of there. And so he basically did the whole residency for nothing. Who cares? You got the party and hang out. Good. Yep. I already got money elsewhere. You know? I dude, I love the guy. You're out of your mind. We're gonna hey, dude, let's make fucking Bruno Mars shirts.
SPEAKER_03I love Bruno Mars.
SPEAKER_05Oh, Bruno Mars, he is. Are we still on Bruno Mars? Yeah. Oh fuck. What's your height? Oh man, this is for 300 points. Yeah. I gotta go with 5'8. Ooh, I went 5'4.
SPEAKER_01He is 5'4. You want them both.
SPEAKER_05Dude, you just told me he's small.
SPEAKER_01What are you?
SPEAKER_03Well, I'm short, so I figured 5'8. I'm 5'8, so I figured that that's what short is.
SPEAKER_05Because of the bonus, that's a two-time.
SPEAKER_03The only time I'm tall is when I have my work boots on. That's why Jenny stopped uh making me take my work shoes off when I get home. She's like, sustain your boots. When we make love, she's like, put your boots on. I'm like, what?
SPEAKER_05She bought you padded crocs around the house.
SPEAKER_01She buying the inserts for the shoes to make you taller.
SPEAKER_03Why are these stoles so thick? She's like, no, just put them on.
SPEAKER_05I'm like, what the fuck? Well, you guys are fucking awesome. Yeah, buddy.
SPEAKER_03You having fun? I am, but the fun must end.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, must end.
SPEAKER_03I gotta go adult for a little bit. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Dude, we're used to that. It's natural now. I know. I gotta go. So we just go do our thing and be family guy and go have dinner with people. Oh man, we fucking rocked it up. We did.
SPEAKER_02It's fun. I'm gonna show up us and they're like, what's wrong with you? I'm like, nothing. I'm fine. What are you talking about? What are you doing? What's wrong with you? And he's like, just slightly so in my words with us.
SPEAKER_05You ever had an apple soda?
SPEAKER_02You ever had an apple soda vodka? Give me one of them.
SPEAKER_05Fucking hey. Guys, we are the human race. Thanks for everything. Um, yeah. What the fuck? Yep. Keep it up. Abe, Kate, Derek. Peace out, everybody. Peace out, everybody.