Speaker 1 (00:01.102)
Hello everyone, on today's episode we've got something a bit different. I've actually taken a training directly from my Live 360 program. So this is a training that we have created for our paid clients. And really I want you to get a taste of the strategies and support that are necessary to get long term weight loss. This is more than just calories in versus calories out. This is more than just a meal plan and a workout plan. On this episode we're to be diving into reframing negative thoughts and the all or nothing mindset.

so that you can stop self-sabotage and find long-term sustainable results. This is a really big episode because if you don't address this issue, the all or nothing mentality, even when you're following sustainable, sensible habits, you will end up self-sabotaging because of the all or nothing mindset. So give it a listen and I hope you find it useful.

Speaker 1 (00:53.998)
How do you create a life that allows you to lose weight, eat the foods that you love and sustain the results? Over the last 10 years, I've helped thousands of people do exactly that. I'm Max Lowry. I'm an author, personal trainer and weight loss coach. In this podcast, I'm going to share my top tips and tricks from within my one-on-one coaching program. It's my goal to give you the tools and understanding so that you never diet again.

Hello, welcome to today's training on reframing negative thoughts and ultimately overcoming the all or nothing mindset. This is a really, really important training. So if you need to watch it twice, watch it three times, watch it four times, you need to really understand what's going on here. Because for a lot of people that we work with, this is a very challenging time, this kind of five, six week mark. And really, if it's good that you've got us, we're teaching about this. But this is basically

Not being able to do this is the reason that people give up ultimately, even if they're following the right habits, they will give up because of the issues we're going to talk about in this video. So what do we mean? So we've got two different types of kind of negative thoughts that happen. We've got ANTs or automatic negative thoughts, which are involuntary, often irrational thoughts that occur in response to certain triggers. So in other words, we don't have control over them. They just pop into our heads.

And these thoughts are typically rooted in past experiences, learned behaviors and deeply ingrained beliefs. But then there's a kind of negative self-talk, which is a bit more conscious and not necessarily automatic. So harsh judgments and criticisms about oneself and one's abilities. And obviously negative self-talk is one of the five root cause issues. And then the origin of that is again, early experience, caregivers, bullying, teachers, media, social comparison, fad diets, diet culture, all that kind of stuff. I think it's really important

just at this stage to set expectations that just because you're watching this training and we're going to give you the tips and advice, it doesn't mean that A &Ts are going to stop because remember that automatic you actually can't control it. What you can get better at is ignoring it and turning down the volume. Same with negative self-talk. Right, so what are some examples of these negative thoughts that we deal with? Catastrophizing. This is a big one. And I actually, I...

Speaker 1 (03:11.84)
in certain circumstances have a habit of catastrophizing. So this is something that I've struggled with. So expecting the worst possible outcome. The example is if I don't lose weight this week, I'll never lose weight. That's a big one that we hear. Overgeneralization, making broad sweeping conclusions from a single event. So I missed one workout, so I'm a failure at exercise. All or nothing thinking. Again, one of the five root cause issues, seeing situations in extremes.

without recognizing any middle ground. So if I eat one unhealthy meal, my whole diet is ruined. I mean, that is classic all-or-nothing thinking. And I'm sure those watching this video right now have done that at some point and hopefully have been doing it less so far. Mind reading. So assuming others think negatively about you without any real evidence. example, most people think I'm lazy because I didn't go to the gym.

and personalization, taking responsibility for events outside of your control. So it's my fault the group project failed because I didn't do enough. Shane, since kind of you are approaching most of the clients at the moment, like which ones would you say are usually starting to creep back in at this phase in the program and why?

Yeah, I mean, all of them have the potential to creep back in for sure. But I would certainly say catastrophizing is a big one, often because and of course, everybody's journey is different. But the first six weeks tend to be leaner sailing than other points in the program. And whilst you might not necessarily have had the opportunity to shift the belief that I don't have to be perfect to get results, because whilst you haven't been perfect necessarily, everything has gone relatively well. And this is often the point at which you'll encounter a first the first sort of major roadblock.

And that can start to, especially if this is the first week you don't lose weight, this is where you start to think, well, this is what always happens. This is the end of the roads, et cetera, et cetera. And then of course, I think the all or nothing thinking is something that will pop up throughout, but can certainly resurface around this stage. And again, often it becomes it's because the beginning of the program, perhaps, and again, this is different for everyone, but can feel somewhat easier than the second half. And

Speaker 2 (05:21.384)
Once you start to encounter that resistance, that's when this all or nothing thinking can creep back in and you can start either feeling like results aren't possible or starting to be tempted to take more extreme measures because you feel like that's what's required to get over these hurdles.

Yeah, for sure. think, as you say, first few weeks, people are kind of able like, they're kind of fueled off motivation and excitement. And so actually, like there is less of these negative thoughts, because everything's really positive. And then that kind of begins to run out. And then all of a sudden, some of these thoughts can pop in or little mistakes. And that's when it's like, my God, I thought I'd fix this. I thought I had, you know, never done this again, I was finding it so easy. And then all of sudden, that feeds into this all nothing thinking and like,

negative thoughts and all this kind of stuff.

Yeah, that was very common. At this stage, we often hear clients say, I thought I was past emotional.

Yeah, exactly. thought, yeah, I thought I wasn't a snack anymore. But remember, guys, if you're watching this video, I'm guessing that you're going to struggle with this for at least a few years. But for many of you, 10, 20, 30, 40 years. So you're not suddenly going to get over this in six weeks or even 90 days or even a year. It takes time. OK, so take that pressure off yourself. Remember, it's not an on off switch. It's a gradual dimmer switch. Things getting quieter, turning down the volume really gradually. So what's the impact?

Speaker 1 (06:40.366)
So you've got behavioral consequences. So A &Ts can lead to avoidance, procrastination and self-sabotage. They can cause you to abandon healthy routines and make poor decisions. Emotional consequences. These thoughts contribute to feelings of anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. They can create a cycle of negative emotions that reinforce the thought. So it's like a negative feedback loop of negative self-talk and it feeds the belief and the idea.

that you can't do this, which is what most people believe when they start the program. And obviously when it comes to actual weight loss, it leads to low motivation, lack of action, giving up, self-sabotage and emotional eating, which obviously means weight gain. But really, as you guys know, I'm loving the AI images. You're just stuck. You're stuck in a vicious cycle of a negative feedback loop, which is self-fulfilling. And the longer it goes on, the more...

negatively impacts your life. And it really, really does. And some of you at this stage might be aware of how much it's been impacting your life, but lots of the potential clients that we work with usually aren't aware, but it really does permeate into every aspect of your life. It impacts your decision making, your social life, your relationships, your self confidence, your self trust, your mental health, your happiness, anxiety, stress, your health, weight, all this kind of stuff. So it's, it's

massive problem. And it has nothing to do with what you're eating, or how you're moving, and everything to do with how you're thinking. And this is ultimately why you're on this program right now, because you're here to change how you think and what you believe and that is ultimately where the power lies. So the most common type of negative thought patterns that we see is all or nothing thinking. It's one of the root cause

five issues, also known as black and white thinking. And in other words, it's aiming to be perfect and believing that one mistake equals failure. What does it look like? It's rigid thinking, perfectionism and overgeneralization and early life experiences. So how your parents rewarded or punish you based off succeeding and failing. If failure was never seen as an option, that leads to kind of perfectionist tendencies and it's reinforced by diet culture.

Speaker 1 (09:02.806)
And there may be a cognitive bias with human beings to categorize things into black and white because it's just easier to understand. But of course, again, what does it lead to? It leads to increased stress because really when you're going all in, it's quite stressful. know, January is classic time. I'm going to cut out all carbs. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to eat any sugar. I'm going to exercise seven times a week. That's quite stressful. And then you've got the stress of trying to maintain that. And then you've got the stress of inevitably failing.

and then doing nothing. It leads to low self-esteem. It feeds a belief that you can't do it. It leads to emotional eating. You know, the stress of failing again leads to emotional eating. It leads to doing nothing. Hence the name. Like I would say, like, if we look at your life in the course of a year, 20 % of the time, you're all in, 80 % of the time, you're doing fuck all. Leads to failure and it leads to increased negative talk. So I want to stress again,

It really doesn't matter how sustainable and how specific the nutritional habits and lifestyle changes that you're making if you have and suffer from all or nothing thinking. Because ultimately you won't be able to be sustainable with them because a single mistake will mean failure and feed into this cycle of next to self talk and guilt and frustration. So this is really, really important that you get better and better at recognizing what's going on here. So yeah.

How do we actually fix this then? So this is a CBT cognitive behavioral therapy technique, and it's called catch it, check it, change it. So what does that mean? Catch it. So in other words, awareness, you're going to hear myself and Shane talk about awareness and mindfulness a lot because awareness is the first step. If you aren't aware that you suffer from all or nothing thinking, if you aren't aware of the type of thoughts that pop into your head,

all or nothing thoughts that pop into your head and what that leads to. How can you change it? You can't. So the first step is to catch it. Catch the negative thoughts, feelings, beliefs and statements. So how can you do that? Journaling, meditation, mindfulness sessions are the most powerful ways to do this. Journaling will help you become more aware of what the precise thoughts are. Meditation will help you recognize the thoughts that pop into your head.

Speaker 1 (11:31.488)
So once you've got that awareness, once you recognize the thought pop into your head, you can use questioning to either validate the thought or falsify it. So these questions are really important. And actually the homework task you're to do off the back of it is going to based off this. So the types of question that you could ask in the moment are what evidence do I have this thought is true. So, for example, if you know that your thought is, I've missed the workout, therefore I'm going to fail. Ask yourself the question. Well, is that actually true?

You know, if I miss one workout, does that mean that I failed entirely? Probably not. If I miss 10 workouts, yeah, maybe you're not going to get the results that you want, but have you failed? The only way that you actually fail is if you stop and give up. Is there evidence that contradicts this thought? You know, do I have proof in other areas of my life that I can do things when I set my mind to it? This is a big one. Am I overgeneralizing based on a single event? Am I thinking in all or nothing terms?

What would I say to a friend who had this thought? This is a really powerful one because often people aren't able to be kind to themselves and give themselves good advice. But when it comes to someone else, they're very good at being kind of very good at giving advice. Am I making assumptions without checking the facts? How likely is it that the worst case scenario will happen? Am I focusing on the negative and ignoring the positive? What is the worst that could happen and how could I cope with it? And that's quite an important one, actually, like

when you actually sit there and think, all right, this seems really bad, but actually, what is what's the worst thing that could happen as a consequence of this? And when you think of that, you realize that actually the worst thing is not that bad. And then takes the pressure off yourself, and you realize it's not that bad anyway. Is this thought helpering or hindering my progress and well being? So there are going to be loads more of these types of questions. These are just examples. And we'll explain the homework in more detail. But we want you to have a set of five questions you can ask yourself.

when you are aware of any negative thoughts. And then you got change it. So this is where the actual reframing comes in. So you've caught the thoughts, you're aware of it, you questioned the thoughts, you realize it's not true. Now you need to change it. So you've got some examples of here. So I ate a piece of cake, so my diet is ruined. Is the all or nothing thought reframed into one piece of cake doesn't ruin my progress, I can enjoy it and get back on track with my next meal. I mean, this is a classic, a classic one. Maybe

Speaker 1 (13:58.048)
As we say, know, week five, week six, you haven't really had any meals out. You haven't had any temptation. And then you suddenly have a meal out and you have dessert, even though you said you were not going to have dessert. And then you're kind of thinking, my God, I failed. So reframe that thought. I missed one workout. So I failed my routine. Missing one workout doesn't undo all my hard work. I can resume my routine tomorrow. I over it.

ate at dinner, so the whole day is wasted. This is a big one. And actually, I would say it's usually kind of like earlier in the day, but overeating on one meal doesn't define my day, I can make healthy choices for the rest of the day. I don't have time for full workouts. I wear an exercise size. this is a big one that we hear on the tour. I thought, you know, there could be a week where things are really busy at work. And so let's say that when things aren't busy, you're able to get like loads of steps in, you're able to, you know, do some workouts. And then all of sudden,

work gets really busy and all of nothing switches on. I can't do what that so I can't do anything. Where's the middle ground? What can you do instead of what can't you could do? So a short workout is better than none. I can do a quick session still make progress because it's really important like even short sessions, even little improvements when you do that repeatedly over time adds up into a massive difference. I gained a pound so I'll never lose weight. Weight fluctuates naturally. I can focus on overall trends and healthy habits.

I wasn't perfect this week, so I'm failing. Progress isn't about perfection. Every step forward counts, no matter how small. I can't stick to my plan, so I'll never succeed. Adjusting my plan is part of the process. I can find what works for me and keep trying. In other words, being flexible. I feel too tired to cook a healthy meal, so I'll just eat junk food. I can choose a simple, healthy option that doesn't require much effort. Which would you say, what do you think are the most popular ones that you're hearing usually, Shane? Well, I think...

Ultimately, any time you have a week where you or a client has a week where they don't lose weight or the weight spikes for any number of reasons, that can be a huge trigger. I think the important thing to point out here is that the thoughts themselves aren't the problem. It's the real reaction to them. Yeah, think what can happen, we've talked about all or nothing thinking, we can introduce people to this concept, and then it becomes this meta thing where now they're like all or nothing thinking about having negative thoughts and they're like, I shouldn't be these thoughts. I'm always having these thoughts, and I'm always going to act in this way. But the point is just to acknowledge them.

Speaker 2 (16:09.1)
and then we can change your response to them. yeah, gaining a small amount of weight or weight stagnating for a week is definitely a big one. What else have we got on there? Yeah, I think ultimately, whilst we introduce or we incorporate the eight to 20 principle, there's still a lot of residual stigma around things like cake or any food that is viewed as fun. So that can certainly be one that pops up as well.

Yeah, I think, again, let's drive home that point. These negative thoughts that you're having are not going to go anywhere. They aren't the problem. So again, set expectations, don't set the expectation that I'm not going to have these thoughts anymore. You will, you don't have control over the thoughts popping into your head. What you do have control over is whether or not you listen to them or not. And that is the most important and powerful thing because you're 100 % right.

That's exactly what happens is they, they apply all enough in thinking to these thoughts like, why am I having these thoughts? What's wrong with me? I shouldn't have them. I've signed off this program. I've had all the support accountability and I'm still having these thoughts. The thoughts are normal. The reactions are not normal. Everyone has these thoughts to a certain respect. You know, it's just some people will listen to them or not. Or some people will refrain them or not. This is a skill reframing, catch it, check it, change it is a skill that right now you're not very good at. But with time,

with patience, with practice, with our help, you'll get really good at this skill. Just like if you wanted to learn the piano, you'd be shit. But then as you practiced, you get better. So other tactics. So the main thing is the catch it, check it, change it. Really start to remember exactly what that means. Other tactics. So journaling. Specifically focusing on wins is a really powerful way to get out of all or nothing thinking. Because when you think you've made a mistake,

It's very easy just to focus in on that mistake and completely forget about all the other different ways in which you're progressing. So the better you get at the skill of recognizing your wins, the less you'll fall down into the trap of listening to these negative thoughts. Reach out to the community, you know, share a post and say that you are struggling with these thoughts and you're trying to reframe them. Everyone has gone through this and will have tips and advice for you. Accountability, reach out to us.

Speaker 1 (18:23.658)
You if you're struggling with these thoughts, tell us, we will help you refrain them. That's what you've paid for. That's what you've invested in. Remember, having these thoughts isn't the problem, how you react to them is. So it's not, we expect you to have these thoughts. And when you have these thoughts, you're likely to not want to talk to us and you're going to hide. You're going to hide away from the group calls. You're going to hide away from us. You're not going to respond to us. If you do that, you're going to stay stuck. So reach out, practice. Like I said earlier, this is a skill that takes time.

And the biggest thing really is shifts your identity. So become someone who is able to find the middle ground and focus on the positives. No longer identify with the all or nothing version of yourself. This needs to be part of your true self doctrine, part of your identity. Become someone that focuses on what they can do instead of what they can't do. Become someone who thrives in challenges and embraces failure as a learning opportunity. Like don't be afraid of failure.

you're not failing, you're not trying. Right. So like I said, there is some homework, which will be explained in a separate video. So make sure that you do that homework and let us know when you've done it so we can have a look over it. Hopefully this has been useful. Is there anything else to add to the Shane?

No, think so. think just to re-emphasize that again, this is completely normal and it is perfectly normal for you to want to withdraw when you're experiencing these negative thoughts. But ultimately, as Max has said, if you don't reach out to ourselves or to the wider community, then we can't help. But if you do reach out, again, we've seen clients go through this hundreds of times. People within the program will have been through this already and reaching out is absolutely the best thing you can do if you're struggling in this instance.

Exactly. Well done, everyone. See you in the next one.