Anxiety and the Irritable Child

Is your anxious child hard to live with? Do they walk around with a cloud over their heads ignoring the sunshine? Today Stefanie talks about how chronic irritability has a strong association with high levels of anxiety, and how hard it can be to for the whole family. She also discusses tactics she is trying (and mostly failing at) with her kids to attempt to recalibrate their mindset.

A Podcast for People Raising Tricky Kids

Transcript

  📍   Hi, villagers. Welcome back to where the F is. My village.  I hope you're doing okay. And I am sorry that once again, I did not have an episode out last week. I think I just need to face the fact that I am struggling to get this out every week and maybe I need to take a little bit of pressure off of myself. And.  Shoot for every other Monday. So that's what I'm going to do. 

I'm going to shoot for every other Monday. I think it will be easier for me to pull off finding a few hours. Um, a couple of times a month instead of every week to put this guy together.  And not only is there a time constraint, but honestly, sometimes I feel like I am running out of ideas of what to talk about. So, uh, it's kind of funny when things are going smoothly at our house. 

I like nothing pops into my mind of things to research and new things to learn about or talk about.  Um, Not to say that things are doing super great over here, but it's been interesting. So if you have topics that, you know, you're sitting there listening and you're like, oh my God, Stephanie, if I hear one more word about ADHD or anxiety, I'm going to scream. Um, tell me. Because. You know, I just, I currently, I just can only really kind of speak about what is going on in our household. 

And, you know, that kind of is where my focus is. Right. I mean, it's just the thing that we deal with a lot. But I would love if there's just anything else, even if it's just, I don't know, juggling. Things or how your family is supportive or not supportive, or I don't know. Anyway, I would love some ideas.  And I think I've mentioned this before, but if.  Every other week is too little where the F is my village content for you.  I would encourage you to head over to tick talk. And find where the F is my village on Tik TOK. 

So I am new to tick talk. I was very resistant to tick talk. If I'm going to be completely honest.  I didn't get it.  And that I, a year ago, I decided that for the sake of the podcast, I probably needed to get on Tik TOK. So I did. And at first the videos were just all over the place. As far as what it was showing me and stuff I did not want to watch. 

And I was like, oh my God, I hate it. I remember telling my nephew who is in his twenties.  I hate Tech-Talk.  And he's like, oh no, I love it. Okay. So.  Anyway. Now that I have been on there a while. Uh, and kind of the algorithm has figured me out. So it's showing a lot of like, Doctors therapists, pediatricians giving information. 

That's kind of in the realm of things that I'm interested in learning about. And then. Funny parenting videos. Um, there's one lady that I follow, which is so funny because she is a, like an obstectrics. Nurse. So she's in labor and delivery and she's just always talking about that. And I am not having any more babies. But I think the things that she talks about are really interesting. 

So she has a huge following. So I follow her. And. Anyway, just lots of fun content. I have to tell you.  Maybe this is just my algorithm. I think I've mentioned this before. Everyone in the comments. Is so nice.  It's confusing because this is not what social media normally is. Every once in a while, there's, you know, some negative comment. And it could just be the types of videos I watch, which is, you know, parents struggling, medical advice, um, curiosity in marriage. And things like that. 

And, um, You know, like Fairplay and mental load and all that good stuff.  But. Most of the people are like, oh my gosh, girl, I know me too. Or. You're doing great. You can do this hugs from Pittsburgh.  Everyone is so nice. I know. How is this possible? Am I in some alternate universe of social media where the people that I interact with Tik TOK are nice. It's interesting. 

So anyway, I it's just so much easier for me to throw a tick talk. On Tik TOK. Um, I can make a video and kind of talk about various topics and the videos are short. They're like two or three minutes. Most of the time, I just did a tech talk this week about how I am sending, or I sent an email out for one of my kids' birthdays.  And.  I'm very lucky that our school has a directory that you can log into. 

And if, unless someone has opted out, everybody's all the parents, um, names and phone numbers and email addresses, and even home addresses are in this directory.  So I can go through and grab email addresses and put them on the invitation.  And as you know, I'm constantly trying to figure out how to not shoulder the running of the households, mental load. Like dealing with party invites and getting the invitation, seeing if we can go making sure we have a gift, you know, making sure we remember to go all of those things.  Making sure. 

You know, who's going to take the kid. Our siblings aloud. Where is it? You know, all that stuff. So anyway, my instinct.  Of course was to just grab all of the mom's email addresses for this Eva.  Which makes me part of the problem, right? I mean, if it's a two parent, you know, tip like typical quote, Unquote, um, two parent household with a husband and a wife. 

Usually the wife is the default parent, right? And the husband is not worrying about when birthday parties are.  Um, so.  I cannot reinforce. Their ignorance by not sending the e-bike to them, to.  So it took twice as long. I got both parents. If there were two parents. Email addresses and.  Eva. It is not designed for invitations to children. 

I mean, it's designed for like an email address, a person. So I had to kind of get creative. So I didn't get confused. So I would be like,  Bobby and put an email address and add him to the guest list. And then Bobby too. And then put an email address and add him to the guest list. So the entire guest list is like, Charlie Charlie to Bobby, Bobby to Maggie, Maggie too. 

So everyone's getting two invitations theoretically. And I just. What I don't want is the dad to be like, I mean, I don't even get those emails. How am I supposed to know when there's a birthday party? So the revolution is starting guys. It's starting with me sending a.   to sky zone to two people in a household. I guess I could take it a step further and just actually mail physical invitations. To the kid at home.  And then it's everybody's game. 

Like anybody could take it and run with it. And I'm not saying I'm expecting anything different than all of the moms replying and bringing their kids to the party. I'm just trying. Little by little.  To make a difference. And hoping that one day it will make a difference. So anyway, I did a take talk on that this week and you know, I'll do a Dick talk on just sleeping anxiety or. Um, test anxiety or math phobia. Or whatever. Um, so those are easier for me to put out. 

I try to do a couple a week and I have the goal of doing one a day.  Uh, so for some reason, it's so hard to make that happen. And I have to say there's a lot of people on Tik TOK that are so comfortable. I just like having just gotten out of the shower clearly, and they're just making a video of themselves and hundreds, if not thousands or millions of people are seeing it.  Guys, I'm just really vain. 

So.  Sometimes I'm like, okay, I want to do a tick talk. And then I'm like, oh, I look terrible. So like, I want to look better than this. And, um, yeah, that's my vanity. So.  I'm working on that, working on it.  So anyway, what's going on with me. So I started my new job working with my husband. So I think I'm a few weeks in at this point. 

Um, Several people have told me, congratulations on my retirement. I am not retired. I am working. It has been very different because in my past job, I had a routine of customers that I went to go see every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. And so no matter where I was or what I was doing. You know, if I had a sick kid or whatever, like I still had those eight to 10 customers relying on me to come by. 

So either I would have to cram them all in to like two hours where, you know, somebody else was with the sick kid. So I could go do that. Or I would have to like, if my Monday fell apart, cause I had a sick kid or something, I would move it all to Tuesday. So I would do Tuesday and Monday anyway, juggle, juggle, juggle. So I don't have that rigid routine anymore.  So that has been interesting. And I'm sure I will get to the point where I'm, you know, putting out fires and problem solving, um, with 1907 productions, I'm sure I will be. 

But in this new stage, like my phone isn't blowing up with questions or problems and the job I was in before, I very much tried to be a concierge to each of my practices. I did way more than your average rep. And if. A practice or a doctor literally needed anything. I just wanted them to reach out to me. And even if I didn't have the product they had, I would happily. I find what they needed on another website and email them the link so that they could go about their day. 

So.  Anyway.  So my, my like lifestyle has changed has been interesting. And.  Another thing that is interesting is leaving a corporation.  Leaving.  A very, very big corporation and how that separation went.  And the separation after 12 years went kinda wa wa.  Y. There was.  We did a zoom call. The last week of my work.  Uh, with my manager and the other people in Oklahoma, other reps. And nobody had their cameras on. Except for my manager.  And it was like, as you guys know, Stephanie is leaving the company and I just wanted to do this so that everyone could wish her well, and then it was so awkward because of course everyone had their microphones off too. 

And no one knew that's what this meeting was for.  So anyway, um,  I gotta like gotta miss you girl and good luck. And guys that is how I wrapped up working someplace for 12 years.  I have to say, I did give my two weeks notice on a Friday. And my company was the victim of some kind of cyber attack. Overnight. The next Saturday.  And it's my understanding. They're still having some, I think the website is still down and they're still struggling. 

So it's not to say that there weren't plenty of distractions during my last two weeks of work there.  Um, But I was really surprised  that I didn't get phone calls from certain people that I worked with for 12 years, wishing me well and were asking me what I was doing. Like, where are you going? What are like,  Anything.  So that's been interesting. 

And then I spent 12 years. So when the, the job I had, I sold dental supplies. So when you start out in this job, They hand you a list of customers that basically like hate your company. Like either. They're like, Been sued by us, like for collections or, you know, they had something go wrong and they just are very happy where they are, which was with a competitor. They don't want to do business with you. So you get no, all day long.  And after 12 years, I had built together a book of business of dentists' and practices that were wonderful, lovely people.  And I would, I love their staff and I took it very personally. When they couldn't get what they needed or when something went wrong. And I kind of saw myself as like an extra team member to all of my practices. And I have to say. The handoff after I left of my wonderful, precious customers who have not, hopefully had to worry about anything for years and years, because I would take care of it.  





I just feel like it imploded. 

So I'm also grieving that because, and I feel terrible for my customers.  Because I don't feel like they're being taken care of.  So there's a lot of guilt there too.  I mean, what are you going to do? I left my company right. I got, I got a new job. But I will say that. I was really lucky and had some amazing. Customers and clients that I worked with for several years, and I saw them all of the time, some of them weekly, some of them every other week for like 10 years. So that was hard to say goodbye, and they made me feel very appreciated. 

So.  Miss you guys, everybody in dental world.  



So, what are we gonna talk about today? We are going to talk about how anxiety can present itself. In a kid.  With irritability.  And this could also be hormonal. Right. Let me in, like, I think hormones. Supposedly like the messaging from a hormone.  Flies through a kid's brain faster than the logic part. So like the emotion comes out before they can think about what they're saying.  But we have transitioned and it's a positive thing. We've transitioned anxiety from being all physical and fight. You know, there's fight flight or freeze. All fight.  And being like huge and big and volatile.  To being able to actually discuss it now, which is amazing.  



But when I say this kid is cranky. I just don't know. How else to describe it. It's like,  There is a rain cloud. Following him everywhere. He goes.  And we all do this. Like if you've had a hard day, like maybe. A customer was really hacked off at you or you, somebody rear-ended you, or, you know, you had to take your dog to the vet and then, you know, things tumbled from there, or your kid got in trouble at school. We've all done this. 

And I mean, I did it to Casey the other day. I was really anxious about something.  And I.  I felt like a social media post for our company, like could have had some more info on it. And I had planned on saying it to him, something like, Hey, the average person might not understand the photo of that really cool piece of equipment. 

I think that we should have more of an explanation.  That is what I meant to say. What I said was something like. Who are you who was even looking at this? Like, they're not even going to know what they're looking at. And then it, like, I was so rude.  And I'm saying it like in my head, like. Put on the brakes. This is all coming out. So.  



I hate the word bitchy, but so just cranky at him in a social media post, but it wasn't a big deal. 

I just thought. You know, People in live production are totally going to know what that piece of equipment are that maybe somebody else who follows us might need a little explanation. And that's an opportunity for them just to put a couple sentences about what it is and why it's really cool that we have it. 

And we posted on social media. Anyway. I was really jerky about how I said it.  And I knew it instantly, you know how I knew it instantly. Cause I've been, I've been in therapy for years.  And I noticed that when I'm acting this way,  And so a few minutes later, I was able to say, I am so sorry. I am very anxious about blank.  And I intended to mention this to you in a breezy, no big deal way. And instead I was a condescending jerk, and I'm very sorry.  



So it's not to say that anxiety and days stressors don't affect all of us, but what is hard is when you're in a state of anxiety all the time, which. Hello. That's what anxiety disorder is.  



It's probably hard to relax and be nice.  If you always, if the part of your brain that it needs to keep you safe from danger is always activated danger, danger, danger, danger, danger, danger, danger, danger.  



It's probably hard when somebody says, Hey, can you empty the dishwasher? To say, like, okay. Instead of.  



Because you're already.  This pot of boiling water, and it just doesn't take much for it to just.  Bubble over.  And I know this, I know this, Casey knows this. Everyone knows this. But when you're living with it. It is unpleasant.  



Excuse me while I take a sip of water. So, you know, I've mentioned before that he is a bit of a heckler.  

Just snide comments for everybody. Definitely always like, well, he hasn't done his chore. And I'm like, you know what? Nobody is here talking about him. I'm his parent. I will handle it. Let's talk about you. There's a lot of that.  Anyway.  Um, it's pretty insufferable.  Frankly. So you know me, I got some books. So one of them is called the worry workbook.  And I found it on Amazon.  And so when we have been struggling lately,  What usually happens is we're cranky. All evening.  And then at bedtime. The anxiety is so loud that he can't ignore it. 

And he's like, I'm anxious. And I'm like, no shit.  It's like  really you're hiding it so well.  I'm feeling anxious. So anyway, we'll be getting the worry, workback worry work.  Worry work book out. And I really like it, it goes through and explains literally things that we've already explained to our kids a million times. That anxiety is your brain keeping you safe, even when you logically know you're safe. And. But it goes through like what fight a fight response might look like, what a flight response might look like, what a freeze response might look like. And then actually it has several examples of like,  You are really nervous about a test you're taking today. You're afraid that you don't know the information and you're going to fail. 

It's time to get ready to go out the door and get your belongings and get in the car.  Do you fight flight or freeze?  And so I'm giving him the opportunity to kind of think about it.  And he said freeze. I was like, is that what you do?  He's like, Hmm. Fight. And I'm like, yes. I said, it's not like you're physically, like we have to drag you out of the building.  But you're so overcome with anxiety that the process of getting ready, leaving, driving to school is just.  Terrible. And every step is kind of a debate or a fight or an argument nothing's going well, you don't have your favorite water bottle. And this person left trash in your seat and who is not cleaning this and that upper, whatever.  That's fight. So. And then another one was like your teacher calls on you in class and you don't feel a hundred percent confident in your answer. Do you fight flight or freeze? And he was like, I freeze and I'm like, yep.  Because your body's like just.  You know, your brain is going, you know what, if you, you might know the answer. But better to say nothing than say the wrong answer and look really stupid. 

Right. Nobody, especially children. We're trying to make friends and impress people all day. Nobody wants to ever feel dumb and get the answer wrong.  



So that's kinda any. And then it goes through.  Um, Like.  Drawing. Draw a picture, draw pictures of people that you feel like you can talk to when you're anxious.  And.  Draw situations that, you know, might make you anxious. And what does that look like? It also goes back to the like parts of your body. And symptoms of anxiety. And how you might feel when you're anxious and you kind of examine that. 

And it's got a lot of like mindfulness. And we are not.  Even close to done with this book. But it has been nice to have a tools ago. Okay. Well, let's do an activity from the book.  I also bought a mud journal that I have sworn. To never read.  Um,  That I think he is just writing all of the things that he hates about school in it, which is great. 

Like, get it out, write it down.  



So.  What is hard, I think is when the thing, the active. I activate your anxiety is the place you have to go every day.  So that's when things I think can get unmanageable and we've all been there. You've either had a job or a client or something. That you're spending 40 something hours a week with, and it's really effecting your entire mental health.  So a few things are happening. 

One we're getting closer to middle school.  We got some real schoolwork to be doing. And it is not fun.  And it requires concentration.  And it.  Feels very stressful and overwhelming. I think.  And it's hard because we're really struggling with math.  And it's interesting.  Because he really understands math, but he's struggling to complete the like math paperwork.  So I'm curious about like dysgraphia or discalcula or if it's just silica, ADHD processing thing.  



But, you know, I had to tell him, I said, I'm not sure. There was a day in my life that I sat down at the kitchen table. To do math and I didn't cry.  



I just, it just wasn't for me.  I would sit there. My dad was, was before he was an attorney who was an electrical engineer and that's a whole story.  And so he would try to help me. He had no patience. None. So he got fired.  It's like making me cry. So then my brother, who is very, very bright would try to help me. And, you know, what's hard is like the people who math just clicks for and make sense to. Really struggled to explain math to the people who don't. 

It doesn't make sense to.  It's like, I feel like all math teachers should be people who actually don't get it, but they have figured out how to do it and then maybe explain it to the rest of us that don't get it. So. I sympathize with him so much, but it's like, you, can't not do math.  It's not optional.  Math is a part of your life, whether you're just trying to decide if you can afford to buy a pair of shoes.  Or whether you need to buy the small bag of flour or the big bag of flour.  And he's working on fractions right now. 

And I have to say fractions were always so hard for me. Like I understand like what a quarter of a pizza is and what two thirds of the pizza is. But when you start adding the three quarters and one thirds together. Or you're like saying you have six quarter cups of something. How many cups do you have? 

Like, actually, I feel like I can figure that out right now in my head, but I'm just saying it's hard.  



So we're not having a lot of fun with that.  And as a result.  Our, our evenings are a little bit of like emotional collapse release. Tied to.  Sunday scaries, but it's kind of every night scaries.  



And, um, Oh, my gosh. It's just not fun. It is not fun.  



The crankiness is not fun. And we're all the rest of us are trying so hard to be like, oh yeah, well, let's talk about something else at dinner for a minute. What about your friend? This person, they sound fun.  But it's like, there's this magnetism to the negative negativity that we're trapped in right now. 

That is really hard.  And I feel so bad. For his teacher, because  you know, there are people out there that like just super duper get your tricky kid. Like it just clicks. Like you've watched them talk to your tricky kid and you're like, oh my God, you are a. Tricky kid. Like, what am I trying to say? Like just.  Savant.  They know how to like, get that tricky kid to do anything. 

Yeah. I don't even think that's what I am. And then there are teachers. Who are trying.  To be. The person who. Gets the kid motivated to do the thing without just getting on to them.  



But if it doesn't come naturally to you.  Tricky kids are really smart.  And anyway, we've come to an impasse where we're having just a personality standoff. With a particular teacher at school and.  I, I mean, it was to the point where he  was just screaming that he didn't want to go to school anymore. That she hates him, that she thinks he's stupid. 

He is stupid. Like all these things.  So, you know, luckily. The people at his school are very proactive and God bless this teacher. You guys, she wanted to talk to me. So I went in her classroom because I happened to be on campus.  And she was kinda like, I just don't know what's going on.  I had to tell her.  Then he doesn't like her.  Because it's the only explanation for how he's behaving. I tried to say it as nicely as possible.  And I just said, I, I think we're having a personality mismatch here.  And he takes all the redirection that you are giving him. 

And I know you are giving to every other kid in this class. That they need to get their work done, or maybe they need to move to a different table so they can focus.  If he is at the point where he is looking like. EV once, you know what, like when you get to the point where you disliked somebody so much, that no matter what they do, it affirms how much you dislike them, which isn't fair. 

But now you've put the, I dislike you filter on.  That's where we were.  And so I just said, I.  I'm so sorry. But he is really struggling and feels like you don't like him feels like you're only getting onto him. And we are just having this big personality clash, which is distracting from all of the schoolwork.  And God bless this woman.  

I was like, I feel like you're about to cry.  And she's like, no, no. Yes. Yes, probably.  Please don't think, I mean, you guys, I just, there was just nothing I could say. Like that was the reason he's been completely irritable at school. So I try to say as nicely as possible. And she was like, I really appreciate you telling me that, because that really explains a lot because it's kind of like, no matter what I do, um, I get a lot of pushback and like negativity and muttering under his breath. 

Anyway. So there was a. A, um, like a little regrouping meeting.  With the school counselor and some leadership and the teacher and my kid. On Friday and they just kind of had to like talk it out.  And it's my understanding by the end, everybody felt better. About it.  Lots of hugs were given.  And I think maybe next week we're going to start fresh.  So that's good.  



However.  It hasn't fixed the math problem. Ha ha. Math problem, pun intended. So.  



You know, in the future, it would be nice if he were paired, like there's this male teacher at school and you guys, he just like, when he interacts with my kid, He could get him to do anything. Because of the way he talks to him. And not everyone can be that I struggled to beat up with him, but I'm just like, oh my God, can we just put him in his class?  And I'm not saying that that is the solution to every problem, but oh my gosh, we're halfway through the year. 

And just, wouldn't that be easier?  Um, But we are using this as a learning opportunity.  And hopefully tomorrow is a fresh start for that.  But, you know, All kinds of personalities and come into play when you're in a school environment. I mean, my oldest who has ADHD.  And he's brilliant.  Everybody's just squirrely.  It's just squirrely. And he's a lot of fans from his teachers.  Well, probably as a result of the fact that he just goes to an unconventional school.  But more rigid teachers would get caught up. In all the wiggling, the random karate chopping and the middle of class or whatever.  And so.  That's the tricky thing, right? 

Is cause like your.  Maybe as an adult, you can shop for a job where you feel like the company culture and the management gets you. But as a child you're in school and you just may not always be.  In the most perfect environment. So I am.  Going to put my positive hat on.  



And we'll see.  It was funny last week. We had the anxiety workbook out. And it just like nothing was working, it was just negative, negative, negative. And it was like 10 30. And this was during the time change, which I'm like, oh my God, it's so late.  Everything is terrible. I hate my school. I hate everything. 

And I just flipped to the back cover of the book. And I was like, let's make a pros and cons list.  Then I had to explain what a pros and cons list was.  And I was like, I want you to list everything you love about your school. And the list was a very long, very, very long.  To the people he interacts with to the types of activities they do, the list was so super long.  And then I was like, okay, let's talk about the things that you don't like.  All he could come up with. Was his teacher.  NAF.  





And sometimes the air conditioner doesn't work well. 

And sometimes the heater doesn't work well. And.  There's the water pressure is crappy.  



It's like, okay, well,  Can we just look at these lists and just try really hard to focus on this whole list of things.  That you like. That you love that you're excited to do. And then I just kinda need you. We're going to have to continue to strategize. Dealing with the other things.  So.  



I don't know, guys, I'm hoping for the best over here.  



I like to say he joined. Basketball.  And.  



The commitment. For basketball. This is like the most athletics commitment we have ever had in our household.  Because we always say, I'm not here to sign you up for stuff. If there is something you are interested in doing, I will investigate it and we'll get you going on it. But like, I am fine with my Saturday mornings being free for us to hang out as a family. 

Anyway, basketball is very busy.  And he's never really shown a lot of interest in basketball. So. And there's a lot of kids on the team. Cause it was like, if you want to play, sign up.  So.  We're having to have some very realistic conversations about how much he might get to play in a given game.  And how practicing at home is going to help with that. You know, like, Hey buddy, you know, some of the kids on your team, they just love shooting baskets in the front yard. And they will do it for hours a week. 

And you don't. So like, you know, Do you want to be good? You gotta do that. You know, we're talking to 10,000 hours is the thing we're always talking about. You gotta do something 10,000 hours to master it.  So, okay. Anyway, he had a game.  And.  





First of all, like my other son is on tennis, which is just not the same as like a crowd cheering. 

You know, tennis is kind of a more subdued environment and there aren't crowds of people that just go watch tennis matches. So we had our first basketball game and it was so fun. It was so fun.  

Uh, luckily our school pulled way ahead in this score.  Because I knew that's what would need to happen for my kid to be able to play.  Because if it was neck and neck,  The coach was very upfront. The games are competitive. We are here to win. This isn't like church league. And so I'm like, oh my God, please let him play. 

Like our scores, like so far beyond what these people could ever recover. Anyway. That's what I'm thinking. So less than two minutes left, he got to play.  And.  He was just like running up and down the courts. Myleene. So cute.  And here was hustling. I have to say the thing I hate about basketball. Is the back and forth on the court.  So much running back and forth. So if, and it's like, I just was down there and now I have to run back there. 

Could I not have just stayed back there? Like on soccer, like I have my little area. Um, and every time there was a turnover, he was just like, Pistons, like just move in his arms and legs. So hard to get back and forth on that. On that court.  And.  Anyway, um,  So our team won and you know, everyone's cheering and all of that is fun. 

And.  After the game, he was going up to the kids that lost and saying like, Hey, you played really well tonight. It was really fun to play with you. Good job tonight. They all were looking at him like, what is this kid's deal? Because it's not like. And opponent to just go around being encouraging. And then I think some of his friends. We're trying to make him feel good. 

Cause they were like, yeah, that other team was terrible and you guys were awesome. And he was like, don't say that they were trying their best. They were working so hard. And then when we got home that night, he even called on FaceTime some of his friends just to say, Hey, I just want to call and tell you. 

I really think he played well tonight.  



And I told him. That it was really, I had a lot of fun watching him play and he said,  He said I had a lot of fun watching you watch me play.  Which was so freaking cute.  So we had so much fun. Everyone's getting a long, the car ride home was great. The environment in the house that evening, like the Goodwill and lack. Lack of anxiety lasted all evening.  And I thought, wow, this is fun. This parenting was fun.  And I thought, is this what other parents experience like all the time?  Like our neuro-typical people just like out there. Enjoying their children.  And I know.  It's not the case all the time. 

Right? Like everybody's had to put their kid over their shoulder and drag them out of target or a restaurant or, you know, Get the moody teenager and the kids who make mistakes and break things or disobeyed the rules. But.  Man.  I think I would kill for like things to just be like 50%.  More fun, 50% easier, you know, more than like one night a month. Would be cool.  And I just thought, gosh, This was.  I just really was like, is this what everyone else is talking about when they're talking? And they're just like lighting up about parenting and don't get me wrong. 

I love my kids. I love them. I love them. Love. Love them.  But the joy part, I used to say parenting is 80% work and 20% joy.  And the joy.  Has been minimal. Lately. So.  



I don't know. I'm just so jealous of people who could get more joy than us.  For all of us.  



My therapist wants me to work on this. Cause I feel like it's unfair. I feel like it is unfair. That things are so hard for my tricky kids and that things are so hard for us as parents.  Like parenting in general and just making sure like your kids. Eat healthy and pick up after themselves and are just basically good. 

Humans is enough. Without layering. 25 challenges on top of them.  And that's what I think is unfair. I think it's very unfair. I am bitter about it. I apparently that isn't healthy because she said something like.  We don't have time right now, but I would like to do a. Session and focus on what you said about how unfair this is.  And I was like, but it is unfair.  



And also.  I tell my kids all the time that life is unfair.  



I tell them I'm not here to try to make every decision between each of you. Like everybody gets the same number of Starburst this week, because I've been keeping track in my head. Like I'm not trying to be fair.  You got Starburst yesterday. He got Starburst today. Like, oh my God, why is this what we're talking about?  



Um,  I guess I need to practice what I preach, but sometimes it just would be nice if it were easier, more often.  Wouldn't that be nice.  



Okay. So.  Silver linings things that are going well. All three of my children have friends.  And. I say that in a way that I'm not being ironic. Like.  We went to such a huge school for so long that we struggled to make. Friends and like continue to be friends with those people year after year. And it has been so fun. 

They each have their little friend group.  And it is so fun to watch them together. I went on a field trip this week and it was so fun to watch. Uh, my son and his little friends. Laugh together and kind of have inside jokes and.  All that kind of stuff. And then there was a big overnight event for the middle school. That you know, My shyer son was all about, and they like went to. You know, sky zone and went bowling and went to go see a movie. 

They were up all night doing this stuff, which God blessed the people who lead that event.  And.  



Anyway, that has been fun.  I will say that friendships come with a lot of stress for my kids theater there. They feel like the stakes are really high. I think.  And I don't know when that gets better.  And there's a little bit of like educating them on like, yeah. I know when you guys.  You know, you had that friend over the other day, you felt like it didn't go well, but like you're still friends with this person. 

Like, let's go ahead and invite them to your birthday party.  So, uh, having them under like what a friend is, what isn't a friend and what's really nice is now we're, I'm getting to know the parents of these kids and then we're getting to commiserate  

I  

just got interrupted. And I am slowly but surely finding out how many of these parents are parenting tricky kids.  



I told two people about my podcast this week. Which was funny, cause they're like, oh my gosh, we're just having this issue. And this you, this issue and this. And I was like, well, it makes you feel better. You're not alone. And I actually talk about ADHD and neurodivergence so much, I actually have a podcast. Um, so I am. Slowly, but surely. Collecting parents of tricky kids. 

And I'm just going to kind of one person at a time.  Build a village because the thing they consistently say is like, just between you and me, this is what's going on. Or. I just, I had no idea that this or that would be so hard. And.  I'm like, yeah. If it feels hard, cause it is hard. Like this is hard. You're doing, you're doing great. 

I think we're all doing great.  I don't know how I could be doing any better at this.  But.  It's. Just because you're doing great, but it doesn't mean it is going to feel easy. I am certainly learning that. So.  I hope. As you guys listen. To the podcast that you feel encouraged to drop hints when you're around other parents.  To see if they get what you're saying. And if you see their eyes light up.  





They may be going through the same thing and you can feel them out and maybe they need you to be in their village. 

So see if you can collect a few parents here and there.  



I encourage you to do that.  All right, Phil edgers.  That is it for this week's episode of where the F is my village update on how things are going in. Our lives and how irritability with anxiety is a real chronic thing. As a matter of fact,  I found a video on Tik shock from a therapist.  And that was the main focus of several of her videos. 

And I cannot tell you how validated it made me feel. Like, I was like, oh, this is like, uh, Thing. Like this is a researched. Proven studied. Part of the condition and not just like my house.  So I think her name is Friedman.  Um, I have re posted some of her videos. So if you find me on Tik TOK, you will find her, and I'm also happy to share her  📍 with you. 

So, anyway, This is your weekly reminder that you're not alone.  And that if it feels hard, it's because it is hard. And that you do have a village out there reading for you, even though.  I'm invisible. I am here sending you love and support. Thanks for listening.  



Where the F is my village. Is that SP production. Special. Thanks to Jason. Cademy for recording our music.  Feel free to send us an email@wherethefismyvillageatgmail.com. Thanks for listening.