EP 135: Maybe You Did Better Than You Think

As summer winds down and back-to-school season approaches, it's easy to look back and wonder...

Did I do enough?

Did we make enough memories?
Did my kids have the summer they deserved?
Did I somehow miss the mark?

If you've been carrying those thoughts, this episode is for you.

In today's solo episode, Jacqueline shares an honest reflection on the pressure moms often put on themselves during the summer—from trying to create magical memories to balancing work, childcare, businesses, and everything in between.

Whether you're a working mom, a stay-at-home mom, or somewhere in the middle, this conversation is a reminder that your worth isn't measured by Pinterest-worthy adventures or perfectly planned summers.

Your kids don't need a perfect summer.

They need you.

In this episode, we'll talk about:

• Why moms feel so much pressure to "win" summer
• The comparison trap of social media
• Why working moms and stay-at-home moms are both carrying invisible loads
• How to redefine what a "successful" summer really looks like
• Why back-to-school can be a fresh start for moms, too
• How creating community for yourself is just as important as creating memories for your kids

If this conversation encouraged you, I'd love for you to share it with another woman who may need to hear these words today.

✨ Learn more about Her Village or join our email community at joinhervillage.co

📍 Local to the Naperville area? We'd love to have you at an upcoming Her Village gathering!

If you're enjoying the Her Village Podcast, leaving a rating and review is one of the best ways to help more women discover these conversations.

Thank you for being here.
I'm so grateful you're part of this village.

Transcript

Welcome to Her Village. I'm Jacquelyn Baird. Somewhere along the way, women begin pouring into everyone else and slowly lose touch with themselves. This podcast is here to help you feel more connected to yourself, to other women, and to the life you're building. Every week, you'll hear honest conversations with experts, creators, founders, authors, and everyday women about motherhood, friendship, purpose, mental health, relationships, and the seasons that shape us. Because life was never meant to be lived alone. The best conversations don't just change our perspective, they remind us who we are. I hope you leave each episode feeling a little more connected. Let's dive in. 

Hey friends, welcome back to Her Village. Today's episode is not the one I had planned, but I hope it resonates with you. I actually had every intention of releasing an interview this week, but life had other plans, and honestly, I think that's fitting because today's conversation is about exactly that. And let me tell you, all day I've had this going in my brain, pivot, pivot. My Friends fans, I know you know what I'm talking about, but that is literally the scene that I'm seeing in my brain today, and so we're gonna roll with it. We're gonna talk about the plans that don't quite go the way we imagined. And as I'm recording this, it's early August here in Naperville. In just a couple of weeks, kids will be heading back to school. Backpacks are in the stores. Calendars are filling up again. Activity signups have started. And if you're anything like me, you're probably looking back at the last couple of months wondering, did we actually make the most of summer? Like, what just happened? Are we good? W- did we have fun? It feels hard. Was it, was it good? Maybe you had this vision back in May. I know I did. Family adventures, pool days, slow mornings, picnics, movie nights, weekend trips, ice cream runs, a full bucket list of memories And maybe some of those things happened, or maybe summer looked nothing like you expected. I know I had all of those dreams back in May. I couldn't wait for the busyness of the school year to end, activities to pause, mornings to be slower. I just pictured our whole family spending just way more time together and being happy. And while we had moments like that, um, it wasn't what I expected. And so maybe you feel the same way. Maybe you were working, maybe you were busy chasing toddlers all summer. Maybe you were juggling baseball, soccer camps, doctor's appointments, vacations, laundry, groceries, all while trying to remember what day of the week it was. I know I've had a really hard time with time, essentially, this summer. I never know what day it is. I am struggling to get back on a schedule. We are, we are working on that now because the last two months have been a free-for-all. And while it was honestly kinda nice at the beginning of June when school was out, you know, to take a couple weeks and no one had to be up at a certain time, you know, we didn't... have the, like, rigidness of the same routine. Um, now I miss it. I miss the routine, and I know my kids do, too, because halfway through summer, everyone kinda started to lose it. Maybe you spent more time in survival mode than memory-making mode. And if that's you, I just want you to know you're not alone. Trust me. I absolutely felt that way this summer. whatever reason, this was the hardest summer. And I think it was the age gaps in my kids. Um, let's see, the weather. We had either extreme heat, horrible air quality or Rain. Lots and lots of rain. Oh, and don't forget the tornado warnings and flooding and just, I don't know, it's been a really weird summer, and I feel like I've absolutely been in survival mode. So I'm really hoping that when I pause finally to look back on this summer and look at our bucket list, which I will be sharing with you, by the way, I actually really love this. This is the third summer that I've created this bucket list for my family, and it's been really fun and also helpful. Not necessarily to put pressure on myself to, like, make a million memories. It's more so for, like, the days that we don't have anything planned or the weeks I'm like, "What are we gonna do today?" Or the days where it's raining and I'm like, "Cool, we need to pivot, and what can we do?" I just look at the bucket list for ideas. But let's pull it back a little here. Let's be honest. We put so much pressure on ourselves as moms to make summer this, like, magical experience, right? Like, I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I mean, we put so much pressure on ourselves during the summer. Somehow we convince ourselves that for eight or, you know, let's be honest, 10 weeks, we're supposed to become the activities coordinator, the camp counselor, the chef, the chauffeur, the referee. That's been, I feel like, my head title this summer, the referee. The event planner, the photographer, the memory maker, and we're somehow supposed to make it all look effortless, right? But, like, who decided that? I don't know about you, but some days this summer my biggest accomplishment was simply making sure everyone ate three meals. And even then, I'm gonna be honest, the last couple weeks, kinda given up on meals. My kids have been helping themselves to their own breakfast. I- they snack through the afternoon, and, like, I've focused on dinners. Dinners is, like, all I'm good for these days. So we've been doing a lot of snacking and we'll say floor picnics around here. Some days the house was a disaster. Let's be real, most days the house is a disaster. If it was a week without a vacation or a camp, my house looked like a tornado just went through it, and for good reason. That means my kids were playing and everyone was living in the house, right? But that can be over-stimulating when there's just stuff and people everywhere. Some days this summer, the TV stayed on longer than I planned. I don't know about you, but I have a constant battle with screen time and my kids. And during the school year, it's not as much of an issue because their days are filled with, well, school, activities, family dinners, our routine, right? But when we have full days and full weeks of nothing going on other than the pool and swimming, which was, like, really where I put my money this summer, I'm like, "Okay, I'm not gonna overschedule us," because I have done that in the past for the summer because I panicked and I'm like, "What are we gonna do all summer?" So I booked out all these camps and activities and vacations, and it was a lot. So I scaled back on the activities this year and I was like, "You know what? It's summer. We're gonna, like, put our focus on swimming and popsicles." And then what happened? Oh, the weather, like I mentioned earlier. Sure, we've gotten in swim days, but not as many as I would've hoped based on the craziness that is mother nature. So some days let's just say, yeah, the TV stayed on longer than I planned. Video games were a focus more than I would've liked. Some days this summer I lost my patience, and some days I felt like I was constantly saying, " Not right now. Please give Mommy five more minutes. Uh, maybe tomorrow." And let me just say, if you've had days like this too, you are in really good company I also wanna speak to the working moms for a minute. If you're like me and work part-time and have flexibility or work for yourself, you might not be giving yourself enough credit because I always never know how to introduce myself and say what I do. I still need to figure that out, but oftentimes I'm like, "I am primarily, uh, home with the kids, but I also have this podcast and community," and I don't give myself enough credit. And I'm sure there's so many listeners out there who aren't giving yourselves enough credit, too. So many of us are doing all the things, and you don't have to fit into one category. You're just a working mom or a stay-at-home mom. Even in our village at our gatherings, I have met the most interesting women who do the coolest things, and no one really anymore is fitting into this simple bucket of I work or I don't work. So I wanna speak to all of these kinds of moms for a minute, right? Because I know summer carries a different kind of weight for you. If you are working, whether it's part-time, for yourself, full-time, at home, out of the house, you're doing a lot. You're trying to do your job while coordinating childcare and camps and grandparents, vacations, sick days, and then you scroll social media, and it feels like everyone else's kids are making magical memories every single day while you're sitting in meetings wondering if you're missing out Hear me now. I hope you know your kids don't measure your love by how many weekdays you spent at the pool. They know you love them. They see the sacrifices you make. You might not realize it now, but I guarantee they are always watching, and they are always knowing what you're doing for them. They see the way that you show up. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day they will, and they will understand. And to the stay-at-home moms, I'm gonna speak to you, too, because like I said, I kinda feel like I'm in the in-between because my work flow goes in seasons based on school and summer. But to the stay-at-home moms, can I just say something? Are you listening? You deserve a break, too. I think sometimes people assume that because you're home, summer isn't that different. But honestly, summer can feel, and I'm speaking from experience, summer can feel like running a marathon without a finish line. And then, if you're like me, the guilt kinda creeps in because the finish line essentially, I guess, is school. At least it feels like it because then your kids... You get back to a routine. You get a break from your kids, aside from being home with them all the time. But then, like, I feel guilty. I'm like, "I don't wanna wish the summer away." You know the phrases. You on- you only get 18 summers, which, I don't know, I'm on board with, like, let's not put all the pressure on that, right? Like, I, as an adult, ... I still hang out with my parents in the summer. I'm still around. Like, I d- I don't like that pressure of you only get 18 summers. I'm not on board with that. But the guilt does creep in, right? 'Cause you want to... You don't wanna wish time away, but it's hard. Being home with the kids all summer is hard. You have no school routine, no quiet mornings, no predictable schedule, no lunch breaks, no PTO, no one telling you, "Great job today." You've been on every single day. And if you're counting down until school starts, hear me now. That doesn't make you a bad mom. It just makes you human And for those of you listening who maybe, you know, maybe you're in a season like I am, maybe you're building something too. You're raising kids, but you're also trying to build something, whether it's a business, a dream, a career. Maybe you're freelancing. Maybe you're going back to school or trying to figure out what's next. And some days it feels impossible to give enough to either one. You're with your kids wondering if you should be working, and you're working wondering if you should be with your kids. Or if you're like me, I'm wondering, "Why did I launch Her Village essentially a month before school's out, and I have less flexibility with my time?" I digress. I just wanna say that it's all exhausting. And if you've been carrying that guilt this summer, I just want you to hear me, that you are not alone. I'll say it again. You're not alone. I mean, building Her Village over the summer, recording podcast interviews in the middle of construction in my house, switching rooms around and managing my time with my kids and their activities and making sure they're having fun, all while feeling extremely passionate about building out Her Village and making sure from our very first Founders Night at the end of April, I kept the momentum going through summer. That was so, so important to me. So that often looked like squeezing work into the rare naps that Lorelai would take, staying up late on evenings, and wondering if I'm ever doing enough in either role. The mental load is real, and it's heavy But one thing that definitely doesn't help that situation is something you've probably heard of, and that is the comparison trap, right? I think one of the hardest parts of summer now is that we get front row seats to everyone else's highlight reel. I literally found myself feeling, like, behind the other day All because I haven't posted the vacation we went on, or our lake trip, or the fun activities that I know I have memories on my phone. I know we've done it, but I haven't been sharing them because you know what? I am doing all the things I just mentioned. But it's hard. It's hard not to compare, and it's hard not to doubt yourself when you are watching everyone's highlight reel as you scroll. The beach vacations, the amusement parks, the backyard movie nights, the color-coded summer bucket lists, which that one I have not shared publicly, but I will say I do have a bucket list, and I do wanna share it with you for sanity purposes only, like I mentioned. It's not to just create the illusion of this magical summer that's going to happen. It's more so to have something in your back pocket when you don't know what to do with the kids or when You have to pivot, and you just need to find a different activity. That's what my bucket list is for. But right, you're also seeing, like, the perfect family photos and the curated outfits, and, like, suddenly our perfectly ordinary summer starts to feel not enough. But can I offer a different perspective? Maybe your kids aren't going to remember every expensive outing. Maybe they won't remember every craft project. They won't remember every trip, but they will remember how home felt. They'll remember laughing with you, movie nights on the couch, spending more time with their siblings. That's one thing that I really have enjoyed watching this summer, even though, as I admitted earlier, my number one title this summer has felt like referee. But more often than not, it has been really amazing watching the time that Hunter and Noah have gotten to spend together this summer, whether they're riding their bikes, swinging, having late night conversations, playing video games, trading Pokemon cards. The time that they have shared together this summer is priceless. . And I'm not gonna forget about Lorelai. She is only two, but she has been so happy this summer just seeing her brothers more, and they've been amazing with including her whenever they can. She follows them around and she just, "Lorelai too? Lorelai too?" Oh my goodness, I have absolutely loved it, and, I've loved watching them play outside with neighbors and that's what they're going to remember. They're gonna remember how home felt. Making pancakes, running through the sprinkler, you know, getting ice cream after soccer, reading books before bed. It's the ordinary moments that often become the extraordinary memories So instead of asking did i give my kids the best summer maybe we should be asking ourselves did my kids feel loved this summer those are two completely different questions because one has an impossible standard and the other has a beautiful answer And here's the question I keep coming back to. We spend all summer trying to create magic for our kids, but when was the last time we created something magical for ourselves? A coffee with a friend, a girls' night, a walk, a book club, um, a brewery. Recently we had a village night, at a brewery and we played bingo. It was so awesome. Um, a workout class or even just like a conversation where no one interrupted you. We talk so much about giving our kids unforgettable summers, but somewhere along the way we stopped believing we deserved joy too. So before we go today, I wanna leave you with one final thought. In a couple of weeks, as I mentioned, your kids are going to walk through those school doors with brand-new backpacks, fresh teachers, and the excitement of a new school year. But what about you? What if the season wasn't just a fresh start for your kids? What if it could be one for you, too? Maybe this is the season you finally say yes to grabbing coffee with another mom instead of saying, "Oh, we should do that sometime." Maybe this is the season you join the book club. Maybe you finally take that workout class. Maybe you reconnect with an old friend, or you decide it's time to find your village. Because here's what I've learned over the past few months while building Her Village: Women don't just need community when life falls apart. We need it when life is beautifully ordinary, too. We need people to laugh with, celebrate with, vent to, explore our towns with, and remind us that we're more than the never-ending list of things we need to get done. And if you've been listening to this podcast thinking, "Huh, I wish I had something like that," I want you to know you do. If you're local to the Naperville area, I'd absolutely love to meet you at one of our Her Village gatherings. Whether it's a casual coffee meetup, a girls' night at a brewery like I talked about, a walk, or one of our just monthly events, there's always a seat waiting for you. You can learn more and join us at joinhervillage.co. That's joinhervillage.co, and I will absolutely be linking it in the show notes as well. And if you're not local, don't worry. You're still part of this community. Make sure you're on my email list because every Tuesday, I send out a little note that's part encouragement, part life update, and part reminder that you're not doing motherhood or life alone. You can sign up on that email list also at joinhervillage.co, and I'd love to have you there. And if today's episode resonated with you, would you do me one small favor? Share it with another woman. Text it to your sister, your best friend, a coworker, another mom in the pickup line, because sometimes the most powerful thing we can say to another woman is simply, "This made me think of you." And before I let you go, I'm really excited about next week's episode. I'll be sitting down with Cindy Benezra, an incredible advocate, speaker, and author whose story of resilience, healing, and finding purpose after unimaginable adversity is one I know is going to stay with you long after the episode ends. It's a beautiful conversation, and I can't wait for you to hear it. Until then, I hope you give yourself more grace than guilt, and I hope you remember that your kids don't need a perfect mom. They need you. And of course, I hope you make a little space this season for your own joy, too. Thank you so much for spending part of your day with me. If you're enjoying the Her Village podcast, leaving a quick rating or review is one of the best ways to help other women discover these conversations, and it truly means the world to me. Until next time, keep building your village. I'll be right here when you come back to hit play.