65. Survivor Science Soundbites: The Ego Paradox in Stroke Recovery

In this week’s Survivor Science Soundbite #7, I dive into the "ego paradox" and how it impacts stroke recovery. Ego can be a powerful tool, fueling persistence and helping us push through plateaus, but it can also become a blocker, keeping us from asking for help or setting realistic goals.

Key topics include:

• How ego drives progress in stroke recovery or creates setbacks
• Strategies for using ego as a tool rather than a trap during recovery
• Practicing strategic humility and productive pride after a stroke
• The importance of celebrating small wins and setting achievable recovery goals

I’ll share personal reflections on how ego has shaped my own stroke recovery journey and offer practical insights to help you find balance. Tune in to explore how to harness your ego to fuel your progress without letting it derail your recovery.

Hey there! If you’re a stroke survivor, caregiver, or someone navigating recovery, I want to invite you to check out The Center by Survivor Science. Head over to center.survivorscience.com and join a community that understands what you're going through.

And if you’re not quite ready to join, that’s okay! You can still access free resources at survivorscience.com 

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Medical Disclaimer: All content found on this channel is for informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The information provided, while based on personal experiences, should not replace professional medical counsel. Always consult with your physician or another qualified health provider for any questions you have regarding a medical condition or treatment. Always seek professional advice before starting a new exercise or therapy...

Transcript

0:06

And welcome back to another survivor science soundbite. I hope you had an enjoyable Thanksgiving weekend. Last week. I know I did not leave release a full episode. I did two smaller soundbite episodes. Playing a little bit of catch-up after the Thanksgiving weekend here in the states. Hope you're doing well. I am a. A little bit tired, just fresh out of the gym this morning. So this week. I, you know, over the holiday, I was thinking about a lot of things. I was thinking about the direction things are going, where I wanted to talk, what I wanted to talk about, where I'm going. What's going on with survivors science. And this particular podcast. So as a, as you know, if you've listened to lately, you know, I'm transitioning the podcast from the For our podcast. To serve over science podcasts. I'm not a major change just to kind of a name change. It'll be a domain change. Everything will forward. So old things should go to the new thing. And I think over time when I released the logo and put it up, you'll see kind of a transition logo till, till we really get everything under the survivors science brand. So probably probably through the end of this year. Anyways, because it was Thanksgiving last week and apparently. Unbeknownst to me prior to last Monday. I was unaware. My children would be home all week. Apparently that's changed here in Florida. Which is exciting for them annoying for me. Especially, cause I didn't know. I guess I should've looked stupid me. I just assumed it was going to be like every other year where kids go to school Monday and Tuesday. Maybe a half day, Wednesday before Thanksgiving to allow people to travel. But Yeah. So, sorry, let me turn my phone on, do not disturb. Um anyways, give me a lot of time to think about things. Really interesting conversations lately was fellow survivors. I've got a good one coming out this Wednesday or Thursday. Depending on when everything changes with the podcast name, hopefully Wednesday, maybe Thursday. Um, his name is Jason Lopez. He's on Tik TOK, Instagram, I think probably a few other platforms, but I, I talked to him recently. To record an episode together. Really good IX. Younger survivor. Talked about a little bit, a little bit last week. But yeah, I think you know, kind of that conversation got me thinking about a lot of things. And in particular for whatever reason. In the last couple of days, it just kind of dawned on me. There's the, there seems to be a thing. I think with survivors, there's two kinds of survivors. I'm sure there's more, but it seems like there are those that want to get better and those that don't want to get better. And those that are maybe on the road to getting better, you know, there is kind of an in between there. But, All that to say, you know, The topic for that. I've been thinking about that I want to talk about this week is the ego paradox. Because I think it's an important conversation. Cause it's it's nuance. You go in recovery is like fire. It can warm you. It can fuel you, or it can burn you down. You know, how do you make sure it's working for you? Not against you. So, you know, today, I thought we'd dive in and talk about that. It's a. You know, it's been a big thing. It's. Trying to use it as a tool rather than a trap. You know, I've never been the kind of person that wants, you know, I've had days, right. I think we all have. Where we feel not so great. We feel down. Biggest fiber is hard. It's it's not a club. Anybody wants to be a part of honestly. I don't think any of us want to be a part of it. And if you're not a part of it, you're lucky. If you are a part of it, you know how hard it is. It doesn't get talked a lot about. Survivors are kind of, you know, well taken care of in the beginning for sure. Most of us have access to pretty good. Initial coverage. The problem is, as we always say, is that it's so nuanced. It's so specialized. It's so individualized, there is no like. There's not a plan, right? It's not a broken arm. It's not a broken finger. It's not a broken toe set, even a broken foot. It's not any broken bone. It's studied in. It's unlike any other major medical life event in reality. You know, When we think about heart disease and heart surgeries, people who've had those. I've had some. They're, they're not good. There's no guarantees, but they are a little bit more straightforward. Doctors and medicine have gotten those to a place where there's okay. That's not ideal, but you have to have it. You have it? You go through the process. And again, this is similar to a broken bone. It's. It's it's fairly straightforward. Yes. There's always outliers. Yes. There's complications. But for the most part, it's pretty much. You get on a path, you start that path and if you follow that path, you'll be better. You'll get better. You know, strength and all that stuff takes time. Very similar to stroke, but like strength it. Stroke is a lot longer. It's a lot different. There are, there are many obstacles overcome. There are, it's like a roller coaster that you never wanted to get on. It's like ups and downs and. All sorts of. Things that just. You know, But yeah. Speaking of ego, you know, When I think about ego, it's kind of the thing that's kept me going kind of motivated me to run, right. Because it gave. Initially, I just thought, Hey, wouldn't it be funny to be a stroke survivor? Who also has Ms. Who also runs. And it's awkward. It was definitely awkward in the beginning, but my ego kind of got me to push through and just try. And my ego also serve me in the fact that like in the beginning it was just like, Hey, go down to the mailbox. Jog to the mailbox jogged back. Then I started pushing myself a little bit more. I was like, oh, well, why don't I see if I can go a little bit more? Why don't I see if I could do like a lap in a, in the, my neighborhood. There's kind of like a loop. I did that. Then I kept going one more time. One more time. I left by ego, kind of pushed me through. Those difficult things. Every time in therapy, you know, I would hear this, that, and the other thing, and I'm like, I'm going to prove you wrong. I'm going to be able to do this. And I don't think anybody on therapy teams were thinking, I couldn't do it. But they were saying it was difficult and you know, I like doing difficult things. But there are times that has held me back. Particularly asking for help. I think I talked about this, um, bill I miss his podcast. Recovery after stroke. Where I said, asking for help. Isn't necessarily the difficult part for me, the difficult part really was asking for help and receiving that help in the manner and with which I was used to and accustomed to. Being able to do things myself in the past. What does that mean? I mean, I used to go a hundred miles an hour. Probably part of the reason I had a stroke at 37. And Gail. I just like to do things quickly, efficiently. You know, maybe it's the New York, New Jersey guy in me who knows. I mean, I just like to try to get a lot of things done. Because I'm super passionate about a lot of things. I have a lot of, you know, my bucket is constantly overflowing with things that I want to learn, want to do, want to achieve. And frankly, that's not always so great. But it's kind of the way I am. You know, I move quick. I moved fast. I break things. I learned quickly. That's very unique to me. You might be very different, but I think, you know, ego does serve a purpose, but also it's held me back in certain times. You know, so when we think about the EO paradox, I think about how it became either fuel my relentless recovery or derail it and yours as well. Let's break this down. When, when ego helps. It helps with persistence. Ego says I won't give up. It helps you push through those plateaus, those moments where you. You're not sure if he can. The moments of doubt. You know, but again, that voice in the back of your head, Motivating you pushing you. To get better. Cause you know, if you push through and you try and you get better. You know, that's how you get through it. There is the way you got, I guess you could go around, but really the best way through anything it's to go through it. And the faster you learned that the quicker you learn that stroke, there's no magic pill. And do you really put effort into things even if they seem insignificant or in concert? You know, Insignificant at the time. And this progress is slow. When you look back, you realize like, oh, I'm glad I put the work in now. Because then you will be down the road, you know, down the road in a year saying I wish I did it as sooner often. That's happened to me a lot of times it's happened to me many times it's happened to me. You know, and that drive is good. It's, it's kind of that attitude I'll show them. And that mentality is good when you're faced with challenges, when you're having those difficult days, when you're struggling. When you want to achieve something. You know, when you want to start running as a stroke who are living with Ms. And you think. Wouldn't it be funny. However, on the other side, when do you go hurts? You know, This happens a lot to me, there's a vulnerable vulnerability blocker. Sometimes you go whispers in my ear, like. You don't. And you help. You're making it harder to ask for help. And, you know, that gets in my head. I, I struggle with that one. It's still something I battle each and every day when I need to ask for help versus trying to do it myself. Always. You know, always a balance, always a trade off. Then I kind of got good at asking for help was so good that I stopped pushing myself. So that is, you know, that's a little bit of the conundrum there. Another one is emotions. Um, Sometimes it buries our fears and frustrations preventing the overall healing. I been there done that. Um, Ego can really get the best of you sometimes. But I think it's all about balance. It's about. Just like, breathwork just like anything I've ever talked about running everything. You know, I didn't start out a great runner. I'm still not a great runner, but I'm a lot better. And I think, um, you know, Suppressing emotions and pushing them away and down is it's a dangerous thing. It's something to be mindful of. You don't have to be great about it. I don't know what the perfect about it, but it is something to be realistic about. Speaking of which unrealistic expectations, you know, I really. I go back to when I was first hospitalized and I had they've confirmed, I had a stroke and I said, I'd be better in two or three days. Not a bad attitude to have, but also very unrealistic. And this is again, somewhere I struggle still to this day. Is not recognizing sometimes that I just can't do things the way I used to be able to do them yet. I'm a lot better. But, you know, kind of like I learned to college. Time management was tricky. There are these days and I kind of figured out. I wouldn't say the first year, but Like year two and three, I's really started to figure out time management in college. And again, I was in a five-year program. So. It was helpful and it really led it. It was helpful in college and it wound up being helpful most of my life until I had the stroke. So w you know, be careful with those unrealistic expectations. You. The matter how hard you try, no matter how far you come. You're probably not going to be able to do everything. At the speed of use to be able to do it. And I think this is a common theme. I see. Amongst stroke survivors. It's really interesting. Just observing the different groups, different calls, different people in the community over at survivors science in the center. All of the various organizations I joined on calls with Sao number of, or the groups out there. Um, It does appear. And this is unsubstantiated. This is kind of just off the top of my head, but a lot of stroke survivors. Not so much. Well, Yeah, I don't think age really matters, but I see it a lot. Stroke survivors that are really determined, driven. You know, either achieved a great deal in their career or on the ways it achieving great deal in their career. Or even early in their career, they might've been an athlete. You know, they wanted a competitive edge. Again, you'll hear that story with Jason laid the. This week when I release the episode. But it's, it's trying to go too hard, too fast. Too early and. You know, with those unrealistic goals. Again, the common theme is that everybody seems really driven. So you have to be. Careful in your approach to recovery the drive, the relentless. This is great. But setting goals too high and too fast is dangerous because you'll get frustrated. Do you get discouraged? And then I'll manifest itself in a lot of ways, whether it's lashing out at other people, your family, your friends, what you don't want to do, if you're a survivor that needs help, wants help. Needs that support. You certainly want to take care of your caregiving team, your family, your loved ones. So it's just, again, I'm not trying to really lecture, I'm trying to help other people understand because it's something I've struggled with. Kind of the whole journey thus far and continue to work on. But then again, you know, when we think about the relentless recovery, there's, there's kind of a framework. And how do you balance the positives of the ego with its risks? I don't know that this is a great framework. This is just something I sort of put together and thought about it in, in, in preparing for this episode yesterday. Number one strategic humility, you know, I think accepting where you're at today. Without losing sight of where you want to go. That's super important. It's, it's hard in the moment, but I think it's a good reminder to be like, okay. Today is today. What's what's learned from everybody. What learn from therapists, learn from caregivers, for people like me, other survivors, whether on Tik TOK, Instagram, Facebook, whatever social media platform has your, your jam. Even peers, you can learn from other athletes who have, you know, they maybe haven't had strokes. Although I do recommend Tedy Bruschi, his book. Um, There's a lot of, there's a lot of opportunities to learn, especially in the early days of stroke recovery, because you probably are limited. You may not be working. You may have the time to learn from other people's stories of how they became great. At what they do. You know, I think there's a lot of, a lot of lessons to be learned and, and, and translated into your situation. And they might even be something you read and then come back to later on, that's happened many times throughout my recovery journey thus far. And I'm sure we'll continue to happen. You know so along with strategic humility, you know, productive, pride, celebrate those small wins. I know it's conceived blame sometimes depending on who you are and how you feel about that. But. Progress is progress. And again, it's it. It's cliche. It's annoying. But those small wins, the small progressions. They really do lay the foundation for continued progress. And each time you make a little bit more progress, it motivates you to do more. And put more work in. And I encourage you to celebrate those small wins. You don't have to go out and have a birthday cake. You don't have to go out and have a meal just. Celebrate it with yourself. Appreciate it.'cause they start to sack up and they really do start to build that foundation. All that to say is, you know, Pride is not about boasting. I know it can seem like that symptom is on social media. I feel that same thing too. It's like, I'm not trying to brag. I'm trying to show you, man. This was hard. Here's where I started. Here's where I am today. Here's what I achieved. Like. It's accountability for myself half the time. It's to appreciate the moments by stuff you don't have to share on social media. I'm just saying. These are the kinds of things. You know, building that confidence is really. Driver. Um, but again, that balance that drive comes with balancing. You've got to push the boundaries safely, but test your limits. Don't ignore the signs of overexertion. I've done that many times and it's been costly, not tremendously costly, but still yet costly. Overdoing it one day can really set you back a day or two. Um, and I've learned that the hard way a few times. I think that's why when I started running, I realized like, okay, I don't care about the speed. I don't care what. The distance or the races or any of that. What I could consider typical running stuff. Like I just want it to run for me to see what I could do. I just want to do one more lap each and every day. For me just to see if I could go a little bit further. And to be honest, there have been many days where I was just like, okay, you know, today's. Good enough. Like I did a ton. I don't have to do one more today. Because I knew if I did one more, it might be pushing me over the edge for the day. You know, but again, um, all that to say you do have to balance that all that work and exertion you want to, you really want to be safe. And you have to balance that with, am I being too safe with, should I push myself a little further? I talked to somebody last week and I can't tell you how many times I've done this, where, you know, I always go back to the AFO. Cause I kinda became reliant on the AFL probably longer than I needed to be. And I'm still thankful my therapist ripped it out of my shoe one day and just said enough, you don't need this. Like. If you just keep using it, you're going to be come relying on it. You already are pretty reliant on it and it may just cause more good than harm or more harm than good. And she was right. And it's hard because you take that out and you immediately start working, walking crappier. However. That's short term. Longer-term. I don't need the AFO. I don't want the AFO. I'm really glad I don't have the AFO anymore. It is. It's there if I need it, but I don't need it, but it wasn't easy. It did take work to go from walking pretty good with the AFO to then taking the AFL out. Which for those that don't know is an ankle foot orthotic. Um, You know, It was tough in the beginning because. That was helpful. And then my walking got worse, taking it away. But it was again temporary and over time, my walking got a lot better. Obviously. Now I can run. You know, there, there were a lot more things to the story for me because I had some other things going on. So it's really hard to tell exactly, but I just, I think there are things you can get real. You can be overly safe. Which is a good thing, but also just be wary that you can honestly be too safe. Sometimes if you don't push a little bit. And if you're really concerned about your safety, like put all the systems. People in place to help you. I achieve that next thing, whatever it is, you know? Whether it's mats on the floor and you want to walk or you want to run like. Um, I'm guessing most. Stroke survivors out there are not 6 48. There's a lot of equipment, you know, talk to your physical therapist, talk to your doctors, see, Hey, I want to try this. But I want to do it safe. What do you suggest? What can I do to try to do this safely so I can begin. To do something like, say start running. You know, I stupidly just, I mean, I think I was pretty good at the time. By the time I started running. I was walking very well. And I was surprised I was able to run so well. I mean, again, it was awkward, but it was, it was safe. So, yeah, it's all about balance. That's it. It's about keeping the ego in check. Um, I have a lot more on this, so I think I'll save it probably for. Later in the week when we wrap up again, I'll have an episode out on Wednesday with Jason Lopes. That'll be a great episode. Just a couple last things to reflect on. Things to ask yourself each and every day. You know, when, when you're going through it, whether you're working out, whether it's training, whether you're at the computer, whether you're trying to push yourself as some sort of way as a stroke survivor. So key questions, ask yourself, is my ego helping or hurting right now? What can I, what can I learn today? From everything I'm going through, where do I need help? Who do, who can I ask? How do I want to ask for help? And what's the next small win. Again lots more to talk about. Wrapping up though. I challenged everybody to do. I really identify one area where you might be holding you back and I'm going to do this too. And we'll see where we end up on Friday. But where's my ego holding me back. And what's one small action that could take to address it. Maybe even one step further is how can I really put that into the overall plan? So yeah, again, I invite you to think about that chair that you can hit me up on social media. You can hit me up on, on, right on the podcasts. I think on every platform there's a, you can text the podcast if you want. Definitely feel free to send me for send me an email, hit me up on the website, survivors science.com. And again, remember ego could be your engine or your anchor. It's all in how you use it. I think it definitely has positive effects. So. Really fired up about this topic. A. Again, I'll be back on Wednesday with lots more with the episode with Jason, and then I'll see again on Friday, but I hope everybody has a good start to the holiday week. Or the holiday season rather hope you had a great Thanksgiving and. Yeah, we'll chat soon. Bye.