Dear Daughters of God - Episode 5 - Now What?

Do you know someone who seems to have it all together? They are just so good at what they do that they could not possibly have had any trouble in life. That description fits our featured guest, Nancy DeMello but in fact she has had trouble. Tune in to hear how she makes it through the most difficult of circumstances.  How did she get to her place of success today?
Thanks to the support of Scripture Plus on YouTube and the host Dr. Taylor Halvorson.
https://youtu.be/u-ghcxHRKRU

Thanks for listening! I'm on Instagram as deardaughtersofgod. Follow me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/invites/contact/?i=1iyjqx0cq4kbk&utm_content=qr66nqv

Transcript

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I am Stephanie Eccles. This is dear daughters of God. Episode five. Now what. We are inspired by the true life experiences of those around us. My name is Stephanie Eccles. I'm an educator counselor school administrator. And natural storyteller. From my perspective as a member of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints. I share a variety of life experiences. That bring us hope and joy in our savior. Jesus Christ. Welcome dear daughters of God. I address you that way. Because that's what you are to him. To our heavenly father. You are dear. As one of his dear daughters. I'm going to share a story from a woman's life that I admire. Her name is Nancy DeMello. I met her in the year 2017. This is when I was the executive director of Excelsior academy. Excelsior academy is a set of charter schools, which are public schools. These are in Utah, specifically to will a county, Which is about 25 minutes Southwest. Of the salt lake city, airport. In this year, 2017, we needed an elementary music teacher. One of our applicants was Nancy to mellow. I was very surprised and thrilled when I saw her application. Because of her experience. Nancy had worked in higher education in finance administration. And grants at the university of Utah. She also had experience in healthcare research in California. And she was a professional musician. This was a rich and unusual background. For an elementary music teacher. I was quite delighted. She applied. And I could not wait to meet her in person. When we finally met Mr. Mellow. We were even more impressed. By the end of the interview process. I could not wait to make an offer. During this last meeting in which I'm going to make an offer. She pauses us. And she says. Well, actually, I'm not quite sure I want to be paid in this position. At this point. Everyone in the room is quiet. And just a little unsure about what to do next. After a moment. I said, Well, we really would be interested in having you fulfill this position. As our elementary music teacher. And we would rather pay you, but if you really don't want to be paid. We could talk about that further. But I think you're worth the salary that I'd like to offer. Nancy's reaction. Was well. I'll think about that. I said, I liked that idea. That's where I got a glimpse. Of Nancy's heart of gold. She really approached her work with this idea That she was there. To enrich the lives of the children. She wanted to do that with what she loved so much, which was music. To me, Nancy DeMello. Hello. Is an example of a teacher. With a professional calling. In a random visit Mr. Mellow's classroom. I would find a room full of 27, second graders sitting tall playing the handbells. All of them are enraptured in the activity. Then all the sudden there's a sound indicating that it's a transition time. then in less than two minutes, the students are now singing while moving their arms and simple actions to support the lyrics. A few minutes later. There's another seamless transition. And now they're playing a music theory game. How does she keep them all participating? It's a little bit like walking into a college music classroom. High energy. Hi participation. Yet. She makes it look easy. But I know with my experience, it cannot happen. Without a talented well prepared teacher. It's hard not to think. What can't this woman do? She has it all together. I found it interesting to work with her for all those years. And because of her success and talent and with fitness. I can see how those around her, in her world. Might think. This woman. She never had any problems. Did she? But there was much more to Nancy. That I did not know. And I was given the opportunity to get to know another part of her life. After I retired. And I'll share a story. From that part with you today. Nancy's mother was the strong one in the family. From her mother, she learned that it was the women in the family that were the responsible ones. The father figures were irresponsible. They were always in trouble. They were alcoholics or on drugs. Or in jail. It was the women. That would run ahead. And clear a pathway or go behind and clean up the mess. Left by the air responsible man. Her mother was a spiritual woman. And Nancy had the opportunity to visit many churches. eventually her mother became a minister for the unity church in the California area where Nancy spent much of her childhood. Nancy usually attended her mother's church. She had very little knowledge of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints or the LDS faith as most people would call it at that time. As a teenager, Nancy does remember seeing a group of LDS kids at Disneyland. This would have been in the eighties. She told her mom. Wow. Look at them. They stand out like no other. There are pure and wholesome. You can just see the radiance and joy and God like beauty. She recalls. So they were very different in a good way. Then the rest of LA teenagers. Well, Nancy. Grew up and became an adult. I when she was 19. She met a man that was different. Than any of the other men she had known in her life. He had a steady career. He always went to work. Nancy was so impressed with his work ethic. He even had a separate job for the weekends. Now he was a casual drinker, but that didn't bother her. They were in love. And got married. He had had a previous marriage and a couple of children from that marriage. Nancy. Was now a stepmother at 19. They soon had their own child, a boy. Things seem to be going along fine. But it didn't take too long before Nancy began to discover. The rest of the story. It turns out. That her husband's weekend job. Was to pay for his cocaine habit. Oh, It was a difficult reality to face. But she told herself that he was a functional addict. And that made it better. Didn't it. There was a commercial. At this time. In the nineties. And it was a man in business attire and he was at a very small room. And you saw him. Directly at the camera after snorting cocaine. And he said, I do cocaine. So I can work longer. So I could earn more. So I can do more cocaine. So I can work longer. So I can earn more. So I could do more cocaine. So I can work longer. And as he was saying this, he was walking in a circle. And then the camera went to fast motion and faster and faster motion. And it created this image for the viewer and you got this fabulous idea of the addiction cycle. That cocaine can place a person in. And her husband was caught up in that very cocaine cycle. Which included a circle of friends and criminal activity. And he really had no interest in changing his lifestyle. She thought. This is, this is not healthy. And as much as I love him. I'm just not sure. Can I kind of go on living in this lifestyle? Well, the problems did not end there. His former wife was going through her own drug addiction issues. I was very angry. With Nancy. She wanted her former husband back for herself. She would make threats against Nancy while armed. One evening. The former wife threw a brick. Through Nancy's front window as a threat against her. She would also write threatening notes and place them in a variety of locations inside Nancy's home. So Nancy understood. No matter where she went, she was vulnerable. She was under so much stress and turmoil. She didn't know where to turn. Her stepchildren were a good deal older than her son. They were in their young teenage years. She remembers the night when she was awakened by a loud pounding on the door. It was the police. With her 13 year old stepdaughter. Her daughter was high on something from a party. She had snuck out of the house. Of course it was Nancy was the one that had to deal with this. She was expected to take full responsibility. For raising the children. When they were under their roof. Again, Nancy thought, how can I raise my son under the circumstance? Who knows when the police could show up at my door because of my husband's. Cocaine addiction and his contacts Would they take my son away and ask. Questions later. It seemed that everything about Nancy's life included stress and turmoil at this point. Although her spiritual roots ran deep. Her faith was waning. She wondered. Where is God. She held onto the one part of her life that was going well. And that was her employment. She had been with UC Berkeley laboratory of mathematical and sciences research Institute. For about six years. Her directors who are terrific. She was well-respected and considered an excellent employee. It was about this time. That her son's babysitter made a change in her life. I could not babysit for Nancy's four-year-old son. Nancy's searched quickly. With a prayer in her heart to find a new babysitter for her son. Gratefully she did. She did find a young adult woman named Beth. Nancy realizes rather quickly. That Beth has such a goodness about her. She's grateful now that our former sitter had to quit. Because otherwise she and her son would not have had the chance to know. Beth. One evening. Nancy comes to pick up her son from Beth's home. She surprised. Define that there are two handsome men. In suits. At Beth's home. And they're engaged in a conversation with Beth's father. Nancy asks Beth. Who were those men? Do they work for the Xerox company? I mean, no one wore suits. Unless you worked for Xerox. Beth laughs and says no, no, they they're. The missionaries. Nancy says the missionaries. I'm versus yes. Yes. I'm a member of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints. And in our church, we have missionaries. Sometimes the members have the missionaries over for dinner. And. They're here for dinner. Best said. Matter of fact, my dad is the Bishop. You didn't know that. And Nancy said, of course not. Oh, Beth said, well, Anyway, the Bishop, it's a leadership position in our church, and they're also here to talk to my dad. About that. Well, Nancy was curious. She wanted to know more. So she met with the two missionaries. She admits. The Lord really knew what he was doing by sending two handsome men. As missionaries to cross her path. She began to take the lessons and attend church. She saw something new at church. That she had never experienced. She saw what she called. Family men. They were clean. Cut. They didn't drink. They didn't smoke. They didn't do drugs. And they were heavily involved in their family's lives. They were actively parenting. She couldn't believe it. I mean, they were Acting their children. They were carrying car seats. They were instructing their children. She had never witnessed anything like it in her life. In all her church attendance, the congregation consisted of mostly women. And older people. There were very few children who would attend. Nancy wanted her son. To be like these men. She continued on with the lessons and church attendance. Eventually she developed her own testimony. Of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. I was baptized as a member of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints. This ad is stability and peace. To the tumultuous life in her own home. During all these happenings Nancy's happy workplace. Took a turn for the worse. Her supervisor. Became very controlling and critical. To the point that she would follow Nancy into the bathroom. If she were there more than two minutes and verbally attack her. Eventually the situation became unbearable. It became evident. That this strange behavior was due to an office. A fair. Oh, when this occurs at an office. Unfortunately, there are always those on the sidelines. That pay a high price for the disruption. Nancy was one of those on the sidelines. She went to her directors for help. They were sure it would work itself out soon enough. In the meantime. Her happy. Workplace had become. Unbearable. She could not do anything right in the sight of her supervisor. And would be criticized. All day long. The harder. She tried to please. It seemed the worst, the situation got. She decided enough was enough. She was going to find another job. She began the process of searching. I was sending out a resume. Which was difficult. And time consuming. She would find a position that looked promising. But they then would find out her current salary. And reveal what they could offer. And it would not be close to current income. And this happened again. And again, She figured she was stuck in her current employment situation. She would have to put up with a controlling environment and the constant criticism. Then. A position that included a comparable wage became available. This was her chance. To be hired for a new position. And she wouldn't have to give up her current salary. Now there's something that I haven't shared with you about Nancy. She's suffered from migraine headaches. In the form. Of cluster headaches. She describes the pain as the most. Abilitative pain ever. Like a knife. Being stuck. In the side of her head. When she has a cluster headache, it's impossible to have a conversation. To drive to function in any reasonable way. And there's no way. To escape. The pain. Well, The night before the interview. She had an attack. Of a cluster headache. Her husband took her to the emergency room in the middle of the night. They treated the headache with an injection of a narcotic cocktail. And knocked her out. She woke up to the alarm in the morning to prepare for the early interview. She felt like she'd been hit by a truck. She was loopy and groggy. It was too late. To cancel the interview. She'd experienced the after effects of this treatment before with other cluster headaches. She was just going to have to push through and do her best. To fake it. She shows up for the interview. And they have her take a typing test. She usually can type well over 100 words. In a minute. In her groggy state, she can't type to save her life. She fumbled through trying her best, but knowing she completely failed. She left the interview. Humiliated. And embarrassed. She taken the first half of the day off from her regular position. At the mathematical research Institute. Her failed experience at the interview. Left her with extra time before having to report to work. She was grateful for that. She needed time to recover emotionally. She went to this little cafe to get some lunch and she sat in the outside seating area. She says. I'm sitting there trying to wallow in my misery. I'm feeling so. Pathetically, sorry for myself. But I'm interrupted. By this loud of noxious chirping. Of a bird. It just keeps going on and on. Nancy looks for the burden she sponsor. She's a little teeny bird with a mouth full of twigs. She's up on the branch. Uh, chasing to the eating area. Nancy thinks. To herself How can you make so much noise with a mouth full of twigs? Can you not fly away? Leave me to my wallowing. Quit interrupting my misery. Could you not give me a moment? Of quiet. Then a fleeting. Thought came to her mind. Perhaps. This was more than just a bird. She was still young and not used to the quiet voice that one can receive from the spirit. She paused with just a moment of wonder. Could this be a sign? Or is it just a bird? She decided to put her thought to the test. She prayed. Lord. If this bird is a sign from you. Well, you haven't come and land on my table. Let me know you're there for me. She waited. With this prayer in her heart. The bird. Took flight and landed on her table. She sat there and off for a moment. Taking in the realness. That our prayer was answered. She knew. The Lord was there for her. But what was he trying to say to her? Throughout the day. As she was at work. Her mind would flash back to the bird. She thought. There is a bird on money. Isn't there. Is that what the Lord is trying to say to me? No, no, no. She would say to herself, the bird on money is holding. Twigs and its feet is. That right. She could not wait to get back to Bess and share the story with her. Finally. The Workday ended. She rushes to Beth's to pick up her son. And share this remarkable moment. She tells her every detail and says to Beth. What do you think the Lord is trying to tell me? Beth says. Nancy. The bird with the twigs. And it's mouth. Is like. The bird of peace. From the story of Noah. Noah sends out the dove as he was on the Ark. To see if he would return with evidence of dry land. The dove returned with an olive leaf in her mouth. now, Noah knew there was dry land ahead. The bird with the olive leaf was the sign Noah had been waiting for. Uh, sign. That good things were ahead. Even though you cannot see the trial land. It is out there within reach. Nancy. I think. That is what the Lord is telling you. With the bird that came to you with twigs and its mouth. The Lord is saying, Nancy. Good things are ahead of you. I have a plan for you. Nancy. Felt peace. She knew she was not alone. She felt some relief from the burden. That she had carried from her workplace and from her family life. She knew the Lord knew her. And heard her and had a plan for her. She said, Lord. I'll put my faith in you. I'll take the steps forward as they present themselves. And I'll do what it is. That you want me to do? Well, life seemed to go on as usual. Things did not get any better at home or at work. Nancy continued on trying to mitigate the difficult circumstances at home with her husband's cocaine addiction. She had hopes that he would consider giving up. but his addiction that bled into the family's life. Was not something he intended on changing. She had to make the best of her circumstance. Living day to day, hoping. She could keep her son safe from the negative influences in the home. the mathematical sciences research Institute, where Nancy worked. Had a wonderful benefit. I've given her the opportunity to work with world renowned professors from across the world. The Institute was like a think tank of the greatest mathematicians. Sometimes these professors would come for a week. Sometimes three months, sometimes a year. Nancy's position required her to work directly with these professors. A month or so after the moment with the bird. Uh, professor from the university of Utah came to the mathematical sciences research Institute where Nancy worked. And he worked there for several months. As Nancy's position required, she worked to assist him with conferences, meetings, visitors. Et cetera. Eventually. The professor heard through the rumor mill that Nancy was looking for another position. He said to her. You know, your work has excellent. You're not just reliable, but you have a gift for making things happen. He asked her if she would be interested in running his grants and research office at the university of Utah. Her first reaction was well. That's in Utah. And I live in California. Then she thought of the bird of peace. And the land that she could not see. But it is out there within reach. She thought of the future of her son. She decided to ask more questions. And listened to the full offer made by this professor. It turns out. The offer was greater than she had ever expected to receive in her career. It gave her a reason to pause. With prayer. Faith and courage. She took the steps forward that were placed before her. She accepted the position. She resigned herself to the reality of the future of her current marriage. And sign the divorce papers. She packed up a U haul and moved to Utah with her son. The position at the university of Utah was wonderful. The professor and his wife were so good to Nancy. She worked with him for many, many years until he retired. Nancy was blessed with another marriage and sealed in the temple And she and her second husband had two sons. It has been 30 years since Nancy moved to Utah. This was the place for her. The land that was there ahead of her that could not be seen. With a better opportunities. And to plan. For Nancy. One way the Lord teaches us is through the scriptures. That is why we are told to liken the scriptures to ourselves. To ask ourselves. How can this relate to me? We referred to the bird of peace. From the story of Noah. I learned a fascinating lesson about Noah. From scripture central. Dr. Taylor Halvorson. Is one of the hosts. Have a very successful scripture, central YouTube channel. And he gave this five minute lesson. Let me tell you who he is first. He has a PhD in Judaism and Christianity in antiquity. He is the author and a professor. to name a couple of his roles. I will link the short video from scripture central in his lesson. In the show notes. He reminds us that most of the people from Noah's time were illiterate. Possibly five to 10% could read. There were no printing presses. So the access to books was very limited. This meant most people had to have the scriptures read to them. Dr. Halverson points out. That the inspired writers of the Bible used people's names to help the listeners remember the Bible's greatest lessons. Dr. Halverson says, quote. The word, Noah. Means rest. So you can actually go through Genesis chapter six through nine and circle. Every time, the word rest. Or Noah show up. And you will see a pattern that God preserves this story for us to tell us that he will rest from the wickedness of the world. And in the grand scheme of things. In the plan of salvation, we will all get to rest. Or Noah. If we stay constant with God. Unquote. What a remarkable insight. In Hebrew, Noah means rest. Wow. The Lord rested from the wickedness of the world. Fly flooding the earth. We can rest or Noah. If we stay constant with God. Nancy was given a sign like Noah, that better times were ahead of her. She could not see them yet, but they were there ahead of her. Let's look at that scripture found in the book of Genesis chapter eight, verse 11, where it refers to the bird of peace. It says this. Quote, And the dove came into him in the evening and lo in her mouth was an olive leaf plucked off. So Noah knew that the waters were abated from author earth, unquote. Like it in the scriptures to Nancy and her experience. I see it this way. First the Lord brought her the message of his restored gospel on this earth. Then he led her to a place where she could raise her son under safer circumstances. And have the means to support him. She still had problems to face, like all of us. But she was in a better place. To handle them. Elder David a Bednar of the quorum of the 12 apostles. Says this in his talk from general conference, bear up their burdens with ease. Quote, the unique burdens in each of our lives help us to rely upon the merits mercy. And grace of the holy Messiah. The savior said. He quotes scripture. Quote, coming to me, all you that labor and are heavy Laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me for I am weak and lowly in heart, and you shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light unquote. Matthew 1128 through 30. Elder Bednar goes on to say, quote. We are not and never need be alone. We can press forward in our daily lives with heavenly help. Through the Savior's atonement, we can receive capacity and strength beyond our own. As the Lord declared quote, therefore continue your journey and let your hearts rejoice. For behold and lo. I am with you even unto the end. Doctrine and covenants section 100. First 12. We can see. The Savior's atonement. Play a part in Nancy's life. She was heavy Laden. And he gave her rest. He gave her capacity. And strength. Beyond her own. She could feel his hand in her life. And she knew she was not alone. He helped her. To make it through the most difficult period. Of her young motherhood years. I admire her faith and fortitude. I'm grateful for her example. And I thank her for sharing her story with us. I said earlier that Nancy was a professional musician. We are going to end with listening to her sing two of her pieces. From her album called Nancy DeMello and friends. The name of these pieces are his eye is on the Sparrow. And I need the every hour. You can find Nancy D mellows. Fellows music. At Nancy DeMello music@gmail.com. That's Nancy de Mello music@gmail.com or on iTunes. And her. Album has been downloaded onto YouTube. I want to thank Nancy DeMello again, one more time for sharing her story with us. And I will say to you farewell my friends until we meet again. Do you have a story? Where you have seen the Lord's hand in your life. Or a family member's life. I would like to help you tell your story. We could do it in a couple of different ways. We could do it in the form of an interview. Or I could tell the story for you, whichever you prefer. Reach out to me. Ah, dear daughters of God. At gmail.com. That's dear daughters of God. At gmail.com.