Dear Daughters of God - Episode 9 - "Engraven Upon His Hand"

Dear Daughters of God, Episode 9: A Story of Hope Amidst Tragedy and Unfairness

In this episode, the host Stephanie Eccles, an educator, counselor, school administrator and natural storyteller from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints, shares a heartbreaking story of a tragic event in her school, Excelsior Academy, where two students were victims of a familicide. She recounts her struggle with the darkness of the situation, and a subsequent spiritual experience that restored her faith. The episode underscores the vital importance and healing power of faith, specifically in the Atonement of Savior Jesus Christ. The episode concludes with a beautiful song and a dedication to those affected by the tragedy.

100-year sentence ordered for Utah teen who killed family seeking 'clean slate' | KSL.com

Thanks for listening! I'm on Instagram as deardaughtersofgod. Follow me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/invites/contact/?i=1iyjqx0cq4kbk&utm_content=qr66nqv

Transcript

0:00

I am Stephanie Eccles. This is Dear Daughters of God, Episode 9, engraven upon his hand. My name is Stephanie Eccles. I'm an educator, counselor, school administrator, and natural storyteller. From my perspective as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints, I share a variety of life experiences that bring us hope and joy in our Savior, Jesus Christ. Welcome, dear daughters of God. I address you that way because that's what you are to Him. To our Heavenly Father, you are dear. Before we get started, I have a disclaimer. This episode is for mature audiences only. Please keep that in mind. Now I'll get into the story.

Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone): 1:02

It is an exciting holiday weekend in January of 2020. On Monday is Martin Luther King Day and I'm looking forward to a little extra sleep this weekend because there's no school on Monday. And on Saturday, my husband and I, Richard, we have tickets to a special event. Our friends Brad and Kelly Allen have given us tickets to the Utah Jazz Game. Um, Brad and his teenage son, Brayden, they were our ministering brothers. in episode eight, I explained what ministering sisters were. Well, ministering brothers are just like ministering sisters, but they're the men and young adult men. That volunteer their time to act as agents of our savior, Jesus Christ, and they try to meet the spiritual needs and emotional needs of the families that are assigned to work with and giving jazz tickets is far beyond the job description, but Brad and Kelly are very generous and they couldn't use the tickets on this particular evening and they offered the tickets to Richard and me. So we were excited to take them because the seats, they were in the lower bowl, right underneath the basket. Now for me, It was more of a social experience and Night out on the town, but for Richard, it was all about the sport like it is for most people that go to the jazz game when we get there Saturday, January 18th, we're sitting in these fantastic seats and I am having a hoot watching those audience members that are season ticket holders that have these routines that they stand up and do after every time the jazz make a basket or a foul shot. These special routines, like they do these nods to each other, these hand motions, very ceremonial. It's just a blast to watch. Well, we're having a great time. And about halfway through the game, maybe not quite halfway through, I get a text message from a colleague at work, which is unusual for about 830 at night on a Saturday.

3:35

So, I do pay attention to this message, and the message is so disturbing, and sad, and awful.

Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone): 3:55

It says... That there's been this rumor that's coming to her from a friend of hers at the hospital, the local hospital in Tooele. And it has to do with our school, Excelsior Academy, and it's a father of our school has been at the hospital with his teenage son, and there's been a rumor of murders. And these murders perhaps include two students at our school, Excelsior Academy, a seventh grader and an eighth grader. But maybe it's just rumor. I'm really shocked as I read this message. I read it again and again thinking, is this for real? But she emphasizes Maybe it's just rumor. I mean, we certainly hope it's just rumor. I'm taking it in thinking What does this mean? What could this mean? She mentions their names, but all this is rumor Nothing's for sure. I decide I'm not going to say a word about this to Richard. I'm going to let him enjoy the game and I'm going to go take a walk. I need to move. This is way too serious to sit here. So I walk up about. What feels like 100 stairs out of the basketball stadium area up to the rotunda of the Delta Center up to where the food court is. I tell Richard I need to go get a shake and go to the bathroom. So I'm walking the rotunda area just trying to get out some of the anxiety I'm feeling about this news. I eventually get in line to get that shake. Hoping that another message will come in and say, this was just a rumor, but no message is coming in. And I'm thinking, about who these kids are and their family and thinking how, how could this really? Really be true. This can't really be true Eventually, I have got to get back to that basketball game or my husband's gonna be wondering where in the world I am So I make my way back down to our seats With a, with a shake and that's when I get another message and this message is even more hard hitting. It is a confirmation that this bad news is true. There's been a familicide and two of our students from Excelsior Academy. A teenage boy who attends the local high school, not our school, has killed three of his siblings and his mother and attempted to kill his father, but his father fought for his life and they both ended up at the hospital. then more messages start coming through, and now it's starting to get out to the public. As it turns out, we later understand that this occurred the night before. But the police investigation kept it quiet, and now it's getting out to the public. my colleague is saying, it would be best if we didn't. If you give us a public statement from Excelsior, even though we can't release the name of these students, they haven't been publicly released. The community now in Tooele County, they know that there's been this tragedy of homilicide. And they know that they're students from Excelsior. Can you send me A statement. So I begin writing a statement

8:53

I'm surrounded by noise in this basketball stadium, by the cheers of the fans, by their stomping feet, by the bouncing of the basketball, by the siren of that horn that keeps going off. I think I've got to drown out this noise and bring my focus in. just think about the hearts of the families of our community as I'm struggling with the reality that this crime really did occur.

Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone): 9:51

I say, the Excelsior family is saddened to hear of the horrible event in Grantsville. We share in the sorrow of family, friends, and community members of those affected by this heartbreaking loss of life. We ask that the Excelsior family pull together to help one another with the shock and pain of this tragedy. May our love surround you. In the meantime, the jazz game is going on and Richard has no idea any of this is happening. When the game ends and we're walking out, I begin to tell him, Richard. What's Unfolded. The next day it's all over the internet. As it turns out, there was one sibling, the oldest sibling, that was not home when the tragedy occurred. He was away at college, at Brigham Young University. We had known him at a, previous school and I had never made that connection. I had known him maybe ten years earlier.

11:16

The two students whose lives were taken were new to Excelsior. Their names were Matthew and Milan Haney. They had enrolled in Excelsior in August of 2019.

Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone): 11:33

So I didn't know them well, but I did know what kind of students they were, gentle, accepting, inviting, warm and friendly to all the students around them.

11:54

On Monday afternoon, there was a gathering at the Tooele School District.

Stephanie test: 12:00

Many agencies were involved. The Utah State Board of Education had representatives there. The police department, social services,

Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone): 12:10

and

Stephanie test: 12:10

Excelsior Academy

Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone)-1: 12:13

Tula School District, who hosted the meeting, had two students that were involved in this tragedy. First, the perpetrator, 16 year C. J. Haney, and his sister, another victim, Alexis Haney, 15 years old, In this meeting, we talked about the plan for the week. We knew that we would be the focal point of news media from across. The nation and that reporters had the responsibility to produce a story that our responsibility as administrators of education was to protect the privacy of our students to keep school in session to keep our students safe and to continue learning as usual, as best as possible. It was a humbling experience to see how many volunteers were willing to come and help our students and teachers process this overwhelming situation. We had counselors that were going to come from Valley Behavioral Health and the Odyssey House, and give their time to meet with our students. and our teachers to counsel with them. I wrote a letter to my teachers that they received

Stephanie test: 14:03

On Monday,

Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone): 14:04

Martin Luther King Day,

Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone)-1: 14:05

so they would know It would be very likely that they'd be approached by members of the media. they need to know what to do. And that was to refer those members of the media to me.

Stephanie test: 14:19

We would have one representative that would speak to this story. that was for the safety of our students and everyone involved

Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone)-1: 14:30

at the advice of the Utah State Board of Education.

Stephanie test: 14:39

Tuesday morning came. We had pictures of Matthew and Milan Haney. In the front foyer, the volunteer counselors from Odyssey House and Valley Behavioral Health. I came to the school and I had arranged for offices to be available for them. News media members were all over Tooele Valley, in trucks, in helicopters, and walking by foot. They were making phone calls to the school. Gratefully, they were not trying to get in the school. We started just as we told the parents we would. In the first period class. Over the PA, I welcome the students back to school, and we started with a moment of silence. In memory of Matthew and Milan Haney. After the moment of silence, then we went into a calming breath exercise. As we had gentle music playing, then we invited our students, if they wished, to share a happy memory within their first period classes. Later in their English Language Arts classes, they'd have an opportunity to write a goodbye to Matthew Milan. at the end of that week, we gave those goodbye letters to the father of Matthew Milan, Colin Haney. The counselors began to see students and staff members. I took an interview with the media. Of course, I did not speak about Matthew and Milan, but rather the effect that this situation had on our school. S Later in the day, I was in my office. My office was free for this short time period, and I thought I could get a little work done, just catch up with the regular type of educational work. Up to this point, I had felt such gratitude for my knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ, for my understanding that life did not end with the death. of these people whose lives were taken, but that there was life after death, that there was eternal life, that they again, that they could return and live with their Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother again, even though their lives were taken prematurely, that there was. The plan of salvation, eternal families, and that this family could be together again forever. And that's what I had held on to from that moment in the Delta Center was how blessed I felt that I knew that. And now that I was in my office, I thought that perhaps now we were past the hardest part as a school, that now we'd start the healing. But at this moment, in my office, a clear picture of Mrs. Haney came into my mind. I could see her in the main office of the Excelsior Middle School. She had visited there on Friday I was passing through that office on my way to walk to the elementary school and she was looking very distressed and it wasn't like her to look distressed. The office had many people in it and I remember her face and at this point as I'm in my office Her face, her very distressed face, is overwhelming my mind, and a darkness came over me, and I felt physically weak. I was not yet at my desk when this occurred. And I backed up towards my desk to grasp my desk for support. And I felt such sadness and darkness, like there was no hope, that nothing could be done. Nothing could make this horrible injustice right. Nothing could redeem this horrible injustice that was done to her and to these children. Like all was lost. At this point. I prayed with urgency to my Heavenly Father. Please, Father, help me. There is no hope. There is no light. There is only darkness. Please help me, Father. At this point, words came in my mind. They were, go, go to the office of your colleague two doors down and talk to that counselor. I didn't know that counselor. I had never met that counselor except only that morning and welcomed her into that office. But I braced myself and stood and prayed for the strength and walked to the office two doors down and she was free I said, Hello She said, Hello, come in, please I explained to her Not knowing anything about her history, her faith, I explained that what I once felt, which was that I, over the weekend, felt blessed to understand that there was life after death. And that this family could be reunited and have eternal life. That now All my hope was gone. And that darkness had overcome me. There was no hope that could redeem this horrible injustice. It was too heinous a crime. And she said, I see, I see. I share your faith.

24:49

May I share a story with you? I said yes. Yes. And she shared her story about her son who suffered from mental illness. And it was a story of great unfairness. She didn't know how she could live with it, considering his circumstance and how life turned out for him. Because in the end... And how life was, it was just so terribly unfair.

Stephanie test: 25:44

And then she said, Then I was in, I was in a Sunday school class, and it was brought to my attention, a lesson on atonement. And a certain statement was shared that was in the book, Preach My Gospel. She said, it was this statement, she brought it out. She shared it with me. quote, as we rely on the atonement of Jesus Christ. He can help us endure our trials, sicknesses, and pain. We can be filled with joy, peace, and consolation. All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement. of Jesus Christ, unquote. she said, I understood that our Savior Jesus Christ had paid for my sins, but I did not understand that He could make right all the unfairness. And here it says. That all that is unfair about life can be made right through the atonement of Jesus Christ. And when she said that, I knew those words they were for me, that the Lord had answered my prayer.

27:54

an

Stephanie test: 27:55

once again, I felt peace and light. I was reminded one more time, that if I will humble myself and reach out. In humility, and ask in faith, that he will show me the way, and indeed, he did, Osiris.

28:38

This spiritual experience brought to my mind a scripture found in the Book of Mormon, in the Book of Mosiah, chapter 4, verse 9. It says this, quote, Believe in God, believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth. Believe that he has all wisdom and all power, both in heaven and in earth. Believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend. Unquote. It's the portion about comprehension. I was just reminded that I just simply can't comprehend. All these things, how they can be worked out. But I do understand faith. and I do know that all the unfairness in this world can be made up for through the Atonement of our Savior Jesus Christ. Elder Dale G. Renlund. of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles gives a sermonette called Infuriating Unfairness. This is in the year 2021. Quote, Some unfairness cannot be explained. Inexplicable unfairness is infuriating. Unfairness comes from living with bodies that are imperfect, injured, or diseased. Mortal life is inherently unfair. Some people are born in affluence. Others are not. Some have loving parents. Others do not. Some live many years. Others few. And on and on. Some individuals make injurious mistakes even when they are trying to do good. Some choose not to alleviate unfairness when they could. Distressingly, Some individuals use their God given agency to hurt others when they never should. Different types of unfairness can merge, creating a tsunami of overwhelming unfairness. Unquote. He goes on to say, quote, My heart for those who face such unfairness, but I declare with all my aching heart that Jesus Christ both understands unfairness and has the power to provide a remedy. Nothing compares to the unfairness he endured. It was not fair that he experienced all the pains and afflictions of mankind. It was not fair that he suffered for my sins and mistakes and for yours, but he chose to do so because of his love for us. Scripture records that ancient Israelites complained that God was treating them unfairly. In response, Jehovah asked, For can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? As unlikely as it is that a loving mother would forget her infant child, Jehovah declared that his devotion was even more steadfast. He affirmed, Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands. Thy walls are continually before me. Because Jesus Christ endured the infinite atoning sacrifice, He emphasizes perfectly with us. He is always aware of us and our circumstances. Unquote. We're reminded that our Savior will never forget us. That he has engraven us on the palm of his hands. That he empathizes with us perfectly. He understands us. He suffered our pains, all of the unfairness. I do this lovely woman's the counselor, the one that shared this experience with me and gave me the answer to my prayer. I never saw her again after that day, but I will always remember. This heavenly experience, this reawakening of the spirit and the lesson about the Atonement of my Savior Jesus Christ that I was given that day. The funeral for the Haneys was held that Friday. That included the mother Consuela Alejandra Haney, Alexis Haney, Matthew Haney, and Milan Haney, her three children. The father, Colin Haney, who did fight for his life and won that fight, he spoke at the funeral on the atonement of our Savior Jesus Christ. I was so touched. By his faith, and his courage, at such a vulnerable time in his life. At the time of this crime, I did wonder, what was C. J.'s motivation, the reason for this crime? Why did this happen? Not too long after this horrible crime. The world was turned about with the Corona virus and this new story was swept, right underneath the rug. It wasn't until July of 2023 that the sentencing occurred. On July 12th, KSL. com published the results of the sentencing. This is the title of the article.

Stephanie test: 36:34

100 year sentence ordered for Utah teen who killed family seeking clean slate. a Grantsville man who was 16 when he shot and killed his mother and three of his siblings in their home, planned to kill his whole family and burn his house down to get a clean slate and a new opportunity in life,

36:59

Unquote. I will link this article in the show notes. But I've realized, as I've told this story. That the story I was supposed to tell today was about the Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Stephanie test: 37:32

This situation is one of those infuriatingly It is too hard to fully grasp and understand. Elder Renlund, who wrote the sermonette that I referred to earlier, called Infuriating unfairness. He says this near the ending of that sermonette, quote, in unfair situations, one of our tasks is to trust that all that is unfair about life can be made right. Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ overcame the world and absorbed all unfairness. Because of Him, we can have peace in this world and be of good cheer. If we let Him, Jesus Christ, We'll consecrate the unfairness for our gain. He will not just console us and restore what was lost. He will use the unfairness for our benefit. When it comes to how and when, we need to recognize and accept, as did Alma, that it mattereth not. for God knoweth all these things and it sufficeth me to know that this is the case. We can try to hold our questions about how and when for later and focus on developing faith in Jesus Christ. that He has both the power to make everything right and yearns to do so. Unquote.

39:56

I would like to dedicate this episode to the eternal family of Alex Colin Haney and Consuela Alejandra Haney. May they feel the love of God surround them. I want to thank the counselors that volunteered at Excelsior Academy during this tragedy that buoyed us up at a most desperate time. And to thank my Heavenly Father for the plan of salvation, and for my Savior, Jesus Christ. For atoning for our sins and yearning to make up for all the unfairness that occurs in this life. In episode five, we heard the story of Nancy DeMello. She is a music teacher and a professional vocalist. I encourage you to go back and listen to episode five if you haven't heard that inspiring story. At the end of that episode, we were able to hear one of the pieces from her album called Nancy DeMello and Friends. today we get to hear another one of those pieces from her friends within that album. the name of this piece is There is Hope. It is produced by Steve Lurid, and the vocal artist is Rebecca Lopez Penelillo. This is a beautiful piece to end our story on the atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Will you help me spread the good word about this podcast by subscribing to it, rating it, and best of all, sharing it with two to three members of your family and friends? Thank you for joining me today. For now, I will say farewell.