Ep.87 Liané Elle: Leaving a High-Control Religion to Unlock Freedom & Find Joy (Part 2)

What if the inner-voice you were taught to distrust was actually the key to your freedom? In this episode, I sit down with Liané once again to unpack life inside a high-control religious group—where conformity wore the mask of care, questions were dangerous, and “normal” meant chaperoned dates, curfews, and the quiet policing of thought. She traces the moment one gentle question cracked her certainty, the midnight search that dismantled decades of belief, and the hardest decision she ever faced: return and pretend to keep her family, or step into the unknown and choose herself?

Across this conversation, we examine how doctrines like “don’t trust your heart” fracture identity and how the promise of living forever convinces people to defer education, goals, and joy. Liané shares how, once the shell fell away, her own ethics and preferences emerged intact—as if they’d been waiting for air. We talk about the small rebellions that kept her spirit alive and the pain of being shunned. The through line is practical and hopeful: courage compounds, and environment is leverage. Build a circle that mirrors your becoming and watch your healing accelerate.

You’ll walk away with grounded tools for any life pivot: ask questions, take micro-acts of autonomy, and design an environment that supports your next chapter. This isn’t just a story about leaving a cult; it’s a map for anyone at a crossroads, wondering if that quiet inner nudge deserves a chance. If the fear is loud but the knowing is clear, start small and move forward. Your life expands in proportion to the risks you take on your own behalf...

To find out more about Liané and her services, head to her website: https://lianeellecoaching.com

Download the ‘Made for This Moment’ Free Private Podcast for changemakers and cycle breakers who want to rise to the challenges of today and still be here, strong and resourced, for the long game: https://lianeellecoaching.com/private-podcast

Chapters

• 0:00 Opening Monologue And Mission
• 1:31 Last Week’s Guest And Today’s Focus
• 2:32 Returning To Ask Hard Questions
• 3:29 What “Normal” Looked Like Inside
• 6:00 Control Of Women And Behaviour
• 8:00 Thought Policing And Guilt
• 10:30 Shunning, Trauma, And Stepping Back
• 13:10 Quiet Rebellion And Teen Workarounds
• 15:00 Unlearning: Don’t Trust Yourself
• 17:00 Deferring Life And The Forever Myth
• 19:00 The House-Of-Cards Collapse Night
• 21:00 Whisper To Her Younger Self
• 23:00 Forbidden Joy, Shame, And Secrecy
• 25:00 You Can’t Kill The Human Spirit
• 27:00 Finding Identity After Control
• 29:00 Power Of Environment And Support
• 31:00 Family Leaving And Renewal

Transcript

Liané Elle: 0:00

There was a very big tug of war within me and to decide do I go back so that I can have access to my family or do I stay out here by myself and figure that out? I just had to make this work one way or another.

Zoe Greenhalf: 0:15

Hey there. Welcome or welcome back to the Mischief Movement Podcast. I'm Zoe, your guide on this journey to shake up the status quo and design a life that truly makes you feel alive. If you've ever felt disconnected, stuck on autopilot, or trapped in a life that feels more like a treadmill than an adventure, you're in the right place. I know that change can feel scary, so let's turn down the fear and thank the fear as we transform your life from the inside out. Whether it's solo episode with actionable advice or intervening with an absolute balance human beings identify the law by living life their way, we need to inspire, activate, empower and challenge. What is simple? You only get one point. So what do you plan to do in the world? If you're ready to stop settling, start living boldly and create a positive impact along the way. Let's dive in and stir at some mistake together. Now buckle up and let's go. Welcome back, Rebels. So last week you will have heard the story of how Lianne rebuilt her life after trauma. How she went from rock bottom to creating the healing shortcut method as a trauma coach, helping people heal faster and more fully than ever before. But today we're going somewhere a bit deeper. We're rewinding to the chapter that started it all. Back to the world she was born into, where questions were dangerous, conformity was expected, and freedom wasn't even on the menu. In this episode, Leonate opens up about what life inside a religious cult really looked like and how she began to wake up to the truth and what it took to walk away, alone, scared, but determined to start over. It's intense, it's eye-opening, and it's one hell of a story about breaking the spell and reclaiming your power. Huge thanks to my wonderful guest Lyon for sharing her story. And without further ado, let's jump straight in. Hey listeners, this is Zoe. Circling back actually with Lion A, because I have to admit that some of the questions I really wanted to ask, I didn't actually ask her. And I thought about it and I thought about it. And I was like, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna go back and ask the questions? Or are you just gonna sit there and wish that you'd asked the questions? So I've done what any rebel would do, and I've gone back and I've said, I'm so sorry. In my bid to be, you know, respectful as a podcast host, there were some things I didn't ask. Would you be willing to come back and talk about your experience within the cult? And luckily for you guys, uh Lyonée said yes. So welcome back, Lianae, and thank you for doing this.

Liané Elle: 3:24

I'm so glad you asked. It's one of my favorite topics. So let's get right into it.

Zoe Greenhalf: 3:29

Okay, so after we spoke, I was the most curious about what normal looked like inside the cult. And maybe at what point did you start to feel like it actually wasn't that normal?

Liané Elle: 3:48

Yeah. So normal, I now realize was extremely dysfunctional in so many ways, more than we could ever have time to go into on the podcast. Um, but I think the one of the ways that comes to mind right off the top of my head is the um subjugation of women within the religion and how it was just drawn into us at every opportunity that the man is the head of the woman, the woman must be submissive. Um it's not your place to make decisions, to speak out. You couldn't, women couldn't teach publicly within the church, which is quite common within these types of high-control patriarchal religions. But that just never seemed weird to me. It was just the norm. And now that's extremely weird to me. Um, but that was definitely not something that ever stood out to me as not normal. And I think that just speaks to how deep the mind control went.

Zoe Greenhalf: 5:00

Yeah.

Liané Elle: 5:01

So that's definitely one that was just like so normalized. I mean, there are so many people getting married in their late teens and very early 20s. Uh, that that was me. I got married at 20. Um, also getting married after a very short stint of dating. And when you are dating, you're never supposed to be alone. So that I guess that's a strange one. Like, yes, I was yeah, I was engaged. I was I had been dating my my boyfriend then for a few years, but officially we were never ever supposed to be alone. There was always supposed to be a chaperone, there's always somebody with you. When I was engaged at the age of 20, my curfew was 9:30 p.m. So I think that gives you an insight into what my life was like. Like the and that I think speaks to the control. It's not called a high control group or religion for nothing. So the control that went from your actions being controlled, your behaviors being controlled, but then where it gets really insidious is the thought control. And yeah, I guess that's also was just so normal, like policing your own thoughts because believing that they were constantly being judged by God or yeah, you have a God, like, and that you could sin even just in your thoughts. I mean, then you're then you're always on the lookout for what you're doing wrong.

Zoe Greenhalf: 6:30

Yeah. And at what point did you did you realize that perhaps some of these things weren't normal?

Liané Elle: 6:36

I didn't realize whilst I was in the cult. So I was, I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I was third generation. So I was born into this, my parents were in it their whole lives, um, and on both sides, my grandparents had come into it in their 20s or 30s. So even though I had one foot in the secular world, um, as I worked in the fashion industry, as you know, it seems so strange because how can someone who literally sounds like they're like so I don't know, the way you think of a person in a cult and then so conservative, and then also working in the fashion industry, it's kind of a strange combination. So I had my one foot in that world, but my other foot and my heart and my mind totally still in the con in the religion. Um I never really realized. I was a true believer. Um, and there were things that you know you'd kind of just put to the back, like um my best friend at work was um a gay man, and that was, of course, frowned upon, so well, not even frowned upon, totally forbidden within the church. But then um we were best friends and I totally adored him. But that I would just explain away to myself and to whoever wanted to know that you know it's fine for you to do it because you're not in the church, but for me, I have to abide by different standards or rules. And yeah, so it for me, I never actually had that realization until I actually stopped actively going to church um due to the trauma of the divorce that I mentioned previously. Um, and when that happened, going to church became so traumatic because I had to see my ex-husband, sort of still my husband at that point, this person that he'd like had an affair with who used to be my best friend, and I had to go to church and see all of this, and that was so traumatic that I had to take so many anxiety tablets just to be able to go to church, and it all just became too much at that point, and I felt that I needed space and I needed the overwhelming feeling was just I need space, and so then I sort of self-selected out of the church temporarily, um, which is when I got shunned and all of that, and it was during that period, only once I'd actually stopped having my mind weakly in like influenced by that information that I had the spaciousness to realize this isn't normal.

Zoe Greenhalf: 9:12

Yeah, no, that makes a lot of sense.

Liané Elle: 9:14

But yeah, I didn't actually ever realize while I was whilst I was in it.

Zoe Greenhalf: 9:18

Hmm. Do you think there was a moment when you were a kid or a teenager where a little rebellious thought slipped through, you know, like your inner mischief whispering.

Liané Elle: 9:31

Hang on. Yeah, I broke the rules in my own ways, even though I believed 100%. Um, circling back to when I was dating and I was never supposed to see my boyfriend alone. Um, I was very sneaky. I was always like most teenagers, uh coming up with elaborate stories to see him, to sneak out with my friends. Oh my goodness, the stories we would tell. And I knew I was lying and I knew I was listening, but it was just irresistible, I guess. And I was I was a rebel. So I I lied um to my parents for a long time about dating. My mom would always say, uh, you know, don't give me that attitude or your back chat or whatever, because the rebel was she was alive and well, but still very much within those confines. Yeah.

Zoe Greenhalf: 10:28

Yeah. And how did the cult shape your ideas about identity and freedom? Um, you know, for example, what was the biggest belief that you had to unlearn once you got out?

Liané Elle: 10:41

Yeah, so there are two that come to mind, and they tie directly to identity and freedom. Um, and the one that was, I think, probably the most damaging was this idea. It's based on a scripture in the Bible where it says, um, essentially, do not trust your heart, like do not trust yourself. Um, and it it says that the heart is more treacherous than anything. And so that was drummed into us since I was a baby. Um, to do not trust yourself, it says do not lean on your own understanding. So, in everything you were supposed to trust outside sources and especially over yourself. So it was almost like trust these outside sources, being the church basically, and its leadership. And then, especially if your own inner voice is screaming against that, then you should double down and trust them even more because that's a very dangerous thing. Wow. So that was definitely, I mean, what that does to your identity and of course then your freedom as well. Um that's huge, that's absolutely huge. Yes, so that is the main one. Um, and then the I the second one, which I think really speaks to the freedom part, is the idea that you're gonna live forever. And therefore, on and what this particular church teaches is that you're actually gonna live forever on earth. So put off any goals, dreams, desires, plans, put all of that off to the future when you're gonna live forever and you're gonna be able to do whatever you want, and just focus this life on basically doing what we say, which is preaching the kingdom, going to church. Like those two things are really the only thing you should be doing with your life. Everything should revolve around that. So, you know, that includes don't go to university, don't do anything for yourself. Um, and they actually have this saying like, um, this life is not the real life. So being told that over and over again, you defer everything. Um, and that was what was so startling to me when I one day, once I was out for a little bit, had that realization I'm not gonna live forever. Yeah. And then that sort of started the dominoes of me really going all in on okay, well, what do I want to do with my life? How am I gonna suck the juice out of this thing with the time that I have?

Zoe Greenhalf: 13:17

Yeah, for sure. So when you finally decided to leave, was it more of a lightning bolt moment or a sort of a slow unraveling?

Liané Elle: 13:26

It was a lightning bolt. Um, or I always say it was like a house of cards that just collapsed. That's that's the metaphor I always remember of how it felt to me. Um, so for a few months I'd been not attending the meetings of the church, and I had started dating a guy outside of the church, and he would always just say to me that this whole shunning thing, which I was going through actively at that point, and which was so painful to me, he would always say to me, That just doesn't seem loving. And that's the only thing he would always say. And bless my heart, I would always defend it, even though it was literally breaking my soul at that point because I was cut off from my family, totally alone at the worst time of my life. I would say, No, it is loving, you know, and then I would explain the church policy back to him. And so even though I was out, I still believed. And after a few months of this, one night at dinner, he just said the same thing to me again. And for the first time inside myself, I thought, you know, why am I defending this? I hate it, it's making me miserable. But I didn't say anything to him. I just, I just sort of kept quiet. And then that evening when we went home, I for the first time ever, I Googled Jehovah's Witnesses, which might sound like a bit funny. Like, what do you mean you've never Googled the religion you're in? Um, but that was the ultimate sin. That was the thing they warned us about the most. Um, because obviously they knew that that would be the thing that would lead to you almost immediately leaving um once you got good information. And so any witness is terrified of Googling the religion because they they make you feel that way. And so, but I finally had that capacity within myself to do it. And that night I stayed up the whole night. I just read article after article after blog after comment. And by the time the sun rose the next morning, I knew that it was like not the religion I thought it was, and so yeah, one night just took it all apart for me. Wow, yeah, I can see why you feel like it was the house of cards that just kind of collapsed.

Zoe Greenhalf: 15:41

Yeah, wow, yeah thinking about that uh younger version of yourself in that situation, if you could go back and speak to her still living inside the cult, what do you think you would whisper to her?

Liané Elle: 16:00

I think I think the thing I would say to her would be like something along the lines of don't worry, it's okay to do the things that make you happy. Like it's okay to do things that you enjoy, because almost all the things that I enjoyed were either forbidden or frowned upon, and I used to feel so guilty and I used to be so scared that I was gonna be destroyed by God. Um, and it was like my rebel was always there, but then there was also always this guilt and this fear, and so I think if I could just go back and tell her, like, it's gonna be okay, do the things you like, keep them a secret for now, you know, but don't worry. And and ultimately you can trust yourself.

Zoe Greenhalf: 16:53

That's what I would tell her. Well, what kind of things did you enjoy doing? I mean, what kind of things were you doing, but not really supposed to be doing? Hmm.

Liané Elle: 17:04

It's just I would dabble in reading erotic stories that I wasn't supposed to read. Um I would find like randomly, I don't know how I would snuff that stuff out, but like I would find things that I wasn't supposed to find and then read them and fill kinds of all kinds of ways in my body, and that would be so fun and so forbidden. Um the the main thing was like when I was from when I was you know 13, 14, boys just so innocent, like writing little letters or like holding a boy's hand at school. Um, I was terrified of my parents finding out about those things. Um, and yeah, just like little white lies I would tell just to have an existence that was tenable within all of that control. And then I'd always just be so scared of them finding out. Yeah. And I that those were like the things that would just yeah, just dancing, listening to music you're not supposed to listen to because they say a bad word, or watching any if there was, you know, any swearing, anything, like anything that they think is wrong. So I mean, from smoking, drinking, of course, every single thing that you might think is fun was against the rules. And the idea of having too much fun was against the rules.

Zoe Greenhalf: 18:41

I just can't imagine, yeah, like a world without being able to listen to music and stuff. Um was it the case that the more they told you you couldn't do the things, the more they became attractive? I don't know. I'm talking it in general, not just you, but I mean, was it well known within the younger, within the younger members that these things are forbidden, but we kind of want to do them? Absolutely, absolutely.

Liané Elle: 19:09

And I was amongst my friends, I was definitely still the good girl. Like I would push the boundaries, but my friends pushed it way more. Um, but you can't, you cannot legislate away a young person's desire to break the rules. Like, you just there's no way you can do that. I just always said, you know, especially to my parents who would try so much to watch us and control us. I would just say, like, you know, if I want to do it, I will find a way to do it anyway. So you can you can try to control me, but I will find a way. And I think that's the thing that they don't understand that you you can't kill the human spirit. Like, you just can't. People will find a way to do what's fun for them. And I think if you need to exert that much control then to stop that, then that's already a sign that you're probably trying to kill something that's just natural.

Zoe Greenhalf: 20:06

Yeah, I think you're right. Finally, after living with so many rules and restrictions, how did you even begin to figure out who you were underneath all that conditioning? Because so much of your identity was tied up in the information that you were being fed right from when you were born?

Liané Elle: 20:30

I always think this is so interesting and it it surprised me. And when people ask me, it's often a surprising answer. Because they did try to, and they did, control us and controlled me so much, influenced my thinking in like at like the highest level. And yet after that that night when everything sort of fell apart, and I could I could see that this is not God's true organization, as I'd been led to believe. It was like I just from that moment forward, it was always so easy for me. Whenever I'd looked inside on any moral issue, anything going on in the world, and I I had to now find my own opinion for the first time. Surprisingly, it was right there. I immediately knew what I thought about everything, which sounds so surprising. But it was almost like this hard shell that had been put around my own heart or my own intuition, my own preferences and opinions. And as soon as that fell away, it was all just right there, and it didn't actually take that much effort to find it or build trust in it. It just felt like the most natural thing, and I just went with it. I love that. Yeah, I think it's really like I think it's a beautiful thing. Like, I do think that once those controls fall away, we do actually know who we are, and we do actually know what we want. And yeah, then the more like you try once, you you sort of act on it, and then you see that you survive it and it's okay. And then you do the next one, and you're like, oh, I'm still here, haven't been struck by lightning yet, and then you do the next one and the next one, and then before you know it, you just realize like that was all such absolute nonsense, and you're totally fine, and you're so much better off trusting yourself.

Zoe Greenhalf: 22:30

They do talk about how much your environment affects your beliefs, but this is, I mean, this is another level of that, really, isn't it? It's like it's so it it's beyond the day-to-day person who says, Oh, I'm not sure whether you should do that because I think X, Y, and Z. It's um it is really extreme, but it just kind of reiterates to me how important it is when you can to build that environment around yourself of the people who share similar beliefs or are supportive to the dreams and goals that you have. Do you feel like you've found that now?

Liané Elle: 23:17

Yeah, definitely, definitely. And it you're so right, there's like a negative impact that your environment can have, and then there's such a net positive impact that your environment can have. Um, and definitely having that that supportive environment just amplifies and accelerates everything that you then cultivate within yourself. Um, and I mean, my partner now is definitely that person for me, and even um my sister and my mom, they both ended up leaving the the high control religion as well. So with I have that with them, and there's such a deep understanding, you know, of our shared past as well. Um, and then community, friends, peers, it there's just so much now. Um, and there's actually too much. Like I can't even enjoy everything there is to enjoy and connect with all the people that I'd love to connect with. Um, but environment definitely plays such a huge part.

Zoe Greenhalf: 24:18

Yeah. It's amazing to hear that your sister and your mom left as well. Yeah, yeah.

Liané Elle: 24:24

That was like the most unexpected and greatest, greatest gift and blessing and joy. I I held the hope out that my sister would leave. She's young. I thought she would hopefully one day come to her senses and realize. Um, but with my mom, I really had no such hope. And um, that was a very big and very delightful surprise.

Zoe Greenhalf: 24:48

Yeah, I mean, you talk about serving and coaching change makers, but I really feel like you're the change maker because you were a catalyst with them.

Liané Elle: 25:01

Yeah.

Zoe Greenhalf: 25:02

That's amazing.

Liané Elle: 25:03

Yeah, I think that that's like one of the biggest lessons that I've taken from this, and I think that I would offer to anyone else who is at a crossroads in their life, um, where they have to make a really difficult and bold decision. Um, and that they cannot see how it's gonna work out well, or even how it's gonna work out, but they just have that knowing inside themselves that this is the thing they have to do that's right for them. And when I faced that decision after the House of Cards and realizing, okay, I don't believe in this anymore, there was a very big tug of war within me, and to decide, do I go back and pretend so that I can have access to my family, or do I stay out here by myself um and and figure that out, which at that time was just the most devastating thing to me, and just I don't know, cross my fingers and hope that it's gonna work out somehow. Um, and after a few a while of going back and forth on that, because that was actually such a tough, that was probably the toughest decision of all, I just realized there's no way I could go back and pretend and I just had to make this work one way or another. But I could never have predicted that over time things would have worked out better, so much better than I expected. And so, you know, it might not be leaving a cult that someone's contemplating, but any difficult decision like that, where it's like your inner knowing is just telling you this is the right thing, but you but you're afraid and you don't know how it's gonna work out. All I can say is like, trust yourself and you will figure it out, even if things don't end up, you know, all working out exactly as you'd hoped or desired, knowing that you did the thing that was right for you. And I just think life has a way of then making the dominoes sort of fall into place in a way that it does work out better than you generally think it will.

Zoe Greenhalf: 27:15

Oh, that's such good advice. Um, Lione, thank you so much for agreeing to jump back on with me and have this conversation. Um stuff, the juicy stuff, the taboo stuff. That's a wrap on another episode of the Mischief Movement Podcast. If today's content stirred something in you, let's keep in touch on Instagram or connect with me on LinkedIn. You can even click the link in the show notes to sign up to my Mischief Mail newsletter, where you'll get exclusive insights on upcoming episodes and your chance to submit questions. Don't tell anyone, it's our secret. For more info on ways to work with me and some fund free resources, check out the website at MystifMavement.com. Until next time, stay bold, stay rebellious, and of course, keep making mistakes.