Episode 2 - The Gift of Trusting your Intuition - My daughters Golden Birthday

In this episode, Kelly explores the profound concept of intuition and how it manifests in various ways and is an integral part of who we are.

The episode is particularly significant as Kelly reflects on her daughter’s 17th golden birthday and the importance of listening to the subtle nudges of intuition.  These nudges ensured that Kelly knew that even after the devastating loss of her son, even when wrapped in the “strange wrapping paper” of uncertainty and fear, she was destined to be the mother of a daughter. Join Kelly as she provides heartfelt anecdotes about the moments when trusting her intuition led to unexpected blessings, including the birth of her wonderful daughter.

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With Infinite Love & Gratitude

Kelly

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Transcript

00:00:03:18 - 00:00:35:20
Kelly Goetz
Hello. Today we are talking about the gift and strange wrapping paper of trusting your intuition. Every single one of us, whether you are aware of it or not, has this intuitive sense. I believe it's part of who we are, and it's guiding us all the time. And I'm somebody that has studied and has been working in energy medicine for several years now 18 years, and I've been on this growth journey for 25 years.

00:00:35:22 - 00:01:13:21
Kelly Goetz
And so intuition can come in a variety of different ways. And I wanted to talk to you about it today in particular because today is February 17th. It's actually my daughter's 17th golden birthday. She was born in 2008. Now, what makes this so important, this subject so important about talking about the gift and strange wrapping paper, about trusting your intuition is that when I had my stillbirth in 2007 and I was grieving and my husband was grieving, we also were older parents.

00:01:14:01 - 00:01:43:03
Kelly Goetz
I had actually had my stillbirth at the age of 42, and even though it was a natural pregnancy, I didn't have to use any kind of intervention for that pregnancy. The net result is when you were an older mother wanting to conceive or get pregnant. I don't know what age it starts. It's somewhere in that mid 30s. It's like you have a neon sign flashing above your head saying high risk, high risk, and you're treated as such.

00:01:43:05 - 00:02:15:22
Kelly Goetz
Having gone through a stillbirth that made that neon sign even brighter, even bigger. And it also meant that nobody was really talking about the possibility of getting pregnant again. None of my medical doctors were talking about that. And so I was on a journey and working every day and every moment sometimes of of healing that grief that I was experiencing deep within my core.

00:02:15:24 - 00:02:59:08
Kelly Goetz
And a part of me was stuck in that feeling of grief, even though I had given the loss of our child some some different meaning, like I chose to believe that it was happening for me on some level. It was the worst thing that could have possibly happened to me. And yet, at the same time, because I gave it a different meaning, because I chose to find hope wherever I could, to find grace and gratitude wherever I could, even though I had some really dark, dark, painful moments every single day while I was healing that gratitude or I was healing that grief.

00:02:59:08 - 00:03:25:18
Kelly Goetz
Excuse me, that gratitude while I was healing grief. Not gratitude. There was a part of me finding any little tidbit that I could be grateful for. And one of the things that I was really grateful for was I had this really openness to nature and my intuition. And so that intuition that I'm referring to, some people think they're not very intuitive.

00:03:25:20 - 00:03:54:04
Kelly Goetz
What's not true? You are moving through the world. Everybody has it. It's whether or not you're paying attention to it and whether or not you're listening to it. So before I talk about my daughter's golden birthday and how that intuition was a gift and strange wrapping paper, I want to just lay out some possible ease for you. Whether you believe that you're intuitive or not, or whether you believe you have this gift of an intuition.

00:03:54:06 - 00:04:21:24
Kelly Goetz
I want you just to just put it out there. Think about it. So for me, one of the natural ways that my intuition comes through is I get the sense of knowing. And when I have that sense of knowing, the challenge with having a sense of knowing is it feels really, really, really strong. It's not that I can see it, but it's almost like there's an image or something in my third eye which is at the center of my head.

00:04:22:01 - 00:04:47:19
Kelly Goetz
It's in my brain. I can I can almost sense that there's a picture there, but there's not really a picture there. And so I have this really strong inner guidance, inner knowing. And yet, because it's not tangible and I can't feel it or I can't show it to someone else. When I was younger, it made it very hard to explain that sense of knowing to other people, and I often would doubt myself.

00:04:47:21 - 00:05:13:00
Kelly Goetz
Now, there's also an intuition that comes through kinesthetic, and it's about there's places that you feel it in your body. Some people get this gut feeling in their stomach. Maybe that's you. Somebody else might feel, maybe an openness in their chest. Or maybe they might feel like a tension. If they're about to make the wrong decision. Some tension might form somewhere in their body.

00:05:13:02 - 00:05:44:06
Kelly Goetz
Kinesthetic really need to feel into their body. I often have that feeling of kinesthetic where I pick up other people's moods, or I pick up maybe a mood in the room. Maybe there was some sort of conflict within the room and I can sense it or feel it, and you just know something's off. So kinesthetic. You feel it more in your body where a knowing is just kind of like this, this like like it's like a fact in your brain that you can't figure out where it came from.

00:05:44:08 - 00:06:12:22
Kelly Goetz
And then there's this auditory into intuition. So some people actually will hear things in their ears. And I've known people that are deaf in one ear or even deaf their whole life, and they pick up some of their intuition with some sort of internal sound within their brain, which is fascinating to me. So it can come as an auditory sound.

00:06:12:24 - 00:06:36:14
Kelly Goetz
And then there's this digital, this logical intuition where it's a thought or it's an idea and you might think, oh, how is that different from a sense of knowing? Well, it's a little bit different because people that are more digital, they're very logical in nature. And so everything comes from this place of logic, where a sense of knowing doesn't necessarily line up.

00:06:36:16 - 00:06:59:20
Kelly Goetz
It doesn't always seem logical. Right. And then there's other people, and I think it might be a little bit rare where they pick up smells. You know, maybe they're in a group of people. No one else is noticing the smell. But there's they're smelling something that gives them some insight or they're getting a taste to it. I do not have that olfactory or that that taste that I get from an intuition.

00:06:59:22 - 00:07:22:18
Kelly Goetz
So why is this all a gift and strange wrapping paper? Well, today, being my daughter's 17th golden birthday, she was actually born one year and one week after our son Montana transitioned and and went to what I believe is heaven or some, some other space. I don't know how to I don't know. We won't know until we get there, I guess.

00:07:22:18 - 00:07:47:17
Kelly Goetz
Or if we get there, who knows? The point being is that I was very early on in my grieving process, and I had this strong sense, and I've heard other women talk about it and other men talk about it. I've heard couples talk about it where they have this strong sense that they're just not done, even though they've just gone through this very tragic, painful, horrible event.

00:07:47:18 - 00:08:13:21
Kelly Goetz
There's a part of them that just kind of feels a pull that they're not done. And I actually, you know, when I left the hospital, I had that secret, that secret pull that I'm like, I'm not done. I know I'm 42. I know I seem to be high risk. I know that I just, you know, lost a baby through a stillbirth.

00:08:13:23 - 00:08:37:11
Kelly Goetz
And yet there was a part of me that wasn't done. So now we have this thing called our intuition that you can't reason with anybody else with. Because for me, it was a sense of knowing. And so to try and explain this, it's I can't explain it to maybe my parents who didn't want me to go through that experience again.

00:08:37:11 - 00:09:03:06
Kelly Goetz
They were hurting. They were grieving as well. And as we're extended family and now I've got this strong conviction, the strong knowing that I'm not done building my family. And I meant to get pregnant again, and I can't explain it or rationalize it with anyone else. So I want you to think about have you ever had that that gut feeling?

00:09:03:06 - 00:09:47:00
Kelly Goetz
Maybe there's somebody that has come across your path and something doesn't feel right. Like one of the things we try to teach our kids is to really listen to that gut instinct that says, stay away or avoid a certain area, or a certain person or danger is looming. It is so important for children to learn at a young age, and to keep developing that sense of their intuition, because it makes us, as human beings, really unique, that we are constantly like this antenna where we are picking up information all around us in our auric field, and we are bringing that information in to us.

00:09:47:02 - 00:10:28:22
Kelly Goetz
At the same time, information from us is going out to other people. So the importance of listening to it, even though other people around you, they don't believe you, they don't want to trust in that intuition. There's a part of you that has to dig deep and go, you know what? I'm going to trust in that myself. Years prior to even getting married or having children, I remember walking across the bridge in downtown Chicago and all of a sudden I had this strong knowing that someday I would have a baby girl.

00:10:28:24 - 00:10:55:11
Kelly Goetz
I was not even remotely thinking about kids. Furthest thing from my mind. I didn't even know if I wanted to have kids. I was a little bit afraid I would see how much work they were, and I thought, no way, I don't. I don't even think that's in my my realm of possibilities. I wasn't even dating. And yet I remember to this day, walking across that bridge thinking, I'm going to have a baby girl.

00:10:55:13 - 00:11:17:13
Kelly Goetz
When we actually got pregnant the second time and we found out that Montana was a baby boy, I secretly knew. I was like, how can that be? I was supposed to have a baby girl and I'm not having three children. I'm only having two. And so my whole brain was like, something's not right. And yet I fell in love with the soul.

00:11:17:13 - 00:11:45:07
Kelly Goetz
I was carrying this beautiful baby boy. And I really wanted to enjoy seeing my son have a little brother and enjoy that. That whole experience of being a big brother to another brother and playing basketball or soccer or whatever it was going to be. But I never forgot that strong sense of knowing in my 20s, walking across this bridge thinking, I'm going to have a little girl someday.

00:11:45:09 - 00:12:15:03
Kelly Goetz
So now here I am, and I'm grieving. And again, I've got this strong sense that I'm not done. I'm meant to go on so strong that I'm, like, committed to paying attention to, you know, my cycle and paying attention and letting the doctor know. It's like, listen, I'm having my my cycle has started. I'm ready to go. And my doctor saying, oh no, that's not possible.

00:12:15:05 - 00:12:56:09
Kelly Goetz
And I have this strong sense that not only is it possible there was a certain month, I think it was the month of, it was like May June. I was like, I just had this sense of certainty that I was meant to get pregnant again so strongly that I made sure that I had bloodwork done. I had other tests done to make sure my body was good to go, and and along the way I discovered that, just like I had in my previous pregnancy, I discovered that I had a blocked tube.

00:12:56:11 - 00:13:18:09
Kelly Goetz
And so I decided that, you know, I don't want to have surgery, I don't want to have lab reps, laparoscopy surgery again to open that tube of tube up. And I was seeing a holistic practitioner at the time who was really holding the space for me that anything was possible, that there were infinite possibilities, that there was nothing about me that said I couldn't get pregnant.

00:13:18:09 - 00:13:55:02
Kelly Goetz
In fact, I just had been pregnant. And so I found somebody that could really hold that space and that intention while I was still healing for grief from grief and the loss of our child. Montana, I ended up doing so much work about healing, grief, being okay with the loss, and what I realized, well, jeez, I have another tube that's blocked, and I had this certainty in my knowing, in my intuition that I was meant to get pregnant again.

00:13:55:04 - 00:14:18:01
Kelly Goetz
I decided to go back to my holistic practitioner, and I said, I don't want to have surgery again. I feel like I'm supposed to get pregnant this coming month and it's supposed to come from my left tube. And I had a sense of certainty. I couldn't explain it to anyone. I'm not a doctor. I just had this strong knowing.

00:14:18:03 - 00:14:42:04
Kelly Goetz
And I want you to think about when have you had. Everybody's had those moments where they just made it even as simple as don't turn right, because there's going to be a traffic jam where there's an accident up ahead and you listen to it, and then you find out later, yes, in fact, there was an accident. Or you get another intuitive sense that something's going on in your company.

00:14:42:09 - 00:15:05:14
Kelly Goetz
You don't know what it is, it hasn't been communicated to you, but you sense there's going to be layoffs or you sense that something is coming and that that triggers you doing something different. Maybe, you know, I'm just going to get my resume together just in case. We all had those moments where we really trust our intuition and we follow it.

00:15:05:16 - 00:15:30:12
Kelly Goetz
So in this case, I'm talking to my holistic practitioner. I'm like, listen, this is what I think's happening. I have this strong conviction about it. I feel like I'm supposed to get pregnant. I even wrote to somebody in the month before saying, I believe I'm going to have a baby girl. I have no idea where that came from, but I had this strong sense about it.

00:15:30:14 - 00:16:07:16
Kelly Goetz
So now I end up seeing my practitioner and we end up doing this session around it, and he's like, yeah, go get pregnant. Now, the week before we found out that I was pregnant, I had this doubt that said, in all of a sudden I thought, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe my intuition wasn't right. It was unsettling, made me sad.

00:16:07:18 - 00:16:35:08
Kelly Goetz
I was like, how could I feel so certain? A few weeks ago? And right now I'm feeling so uncertain. What if I'm wrong? You know, how many times have you wanted to follow an intuitive idea, but you didn't because you thought, well, what if I'm wrong? What does that say about me? What's the big one going to think if you're wrong?

00:16:35:10 - 00:17:00:01
Kelly Goetz
One of the greatest blessings over the last 25 years of all of the personal growth work that I've done and the 18 years of holistic practices that I've done, is that I can test, I can energy test a times to see if my intuition is right, or I can just be curious. I no longer care if my intuition is right or if it's wrong to me.

00:17:00:01 - 00:17:24:04
Kelly Goetz
I just get curious with it. But at the time when I had so much hope that my intuition was in fact right, I started to feel that sense of doubt, you know? And then I went back and I said, oh, I think I was wrong. I don't know how I was wrong because it was so strong within me, and everybody around me was doubting it.

00:17:24:06 - 00:18:02:03
Kelly Goetz
I was the only one feeling that sense of certainty. And my husband was with me. He's like, I was certain. And he joined in. We were certain together. So I went back to my holistic practitioner and we did another session, and we gave the love and gratitude to that part of me that was in self doubt, that part of me that wasn't certain, that part of me that was afraid to be wrong, that part of me that didn't know how I was going to handle being wrong, the part of me that was going to possibly feel more sadness and more grief that no, I wasn't pregnant in the month that I thought I was meant

00:18:02:03 - 00:18:26:16
Kelly Goetz
to be pregnant, which was literally four months after my loss. A few days later, it was my dad's birthday, July 2nd, and I woke that morning and it was only 3 or 4 days from when we had done more work on that self-doubt and that sense of additional loss that maybe my intuition had guided me wrong. And what do you know?

00:18:26:17 - 00:18:55:14
Kelly Goetz
I woke up and something said again that knowing take a pregnancy test, you need to take a pregnancy test. And I did. And the fact that it showed yes, you're pregnant. Positive. So early in this process was flipping amazing. I couldn't believe it. And a part of me was like, oh my God, I wasn't wrong. I was actually right.

00:18:55:16 - 00:19:35:15
Kelly Goetz
I was so grateful that that intuition, that that sense of urgency. Because being 42, I felt there was a sense of urgency, that I didn't have a whole lot of time to wait until my grieving process was over. I had to act and choose. Now. So there I am going. Wow. I think my intuition was really right. It was right, and I followed and I listened despite everybody else around me besides my husband saying it's not possible or don't do it, you could get hurt again.

00:19:35:17 - 00:20:08:24
Kelly Goetz
How many times have we've avoided being hurt and not listening to that inner gut feeling because we don't want to be hurt. We don't want to be wrong. We don't want to be disappointed. So grateful in this moment, as I'm finding out that I'm actually pregnant, and that that inner knowing that guided me to listen and take action, to make sure that everything was fine in my health, that all systems were go, were good.

00:20:09:01 - 00:20:44:23
Kelly Goetz
And when I called the doctor that day, that was pretty cool. I didn't think they'd want to see me until I was at least eight weeks. But because I had had a stillbirth just four months before, they invited me in, and that ultrasound tech that had to be part of giving me that horrific news four months before, on February 10th, was the same ultrasound tech that this time she got to tell me there was a heartbeat, which is so hard to find so early in the process.

00:20:45:00 - 00:21:14:02
Kelly Goetz
Not only was there a heartbeat because I was so new to it, she was looking for any additional information she could give me, and the information she gave me was, oh, and you can see that the egg traveled down the left tube. The tube that had been blocked, the tube that I didn't want to have surgery on, the tube that I did some holistic.

00:21:14:04 - 00:21:41:24
Kelly Goetz
I did a whole holistic session around with one of my mentors, Doctor Darren Weissman. The tube that was supposedly black. I had no surgery, was actually the tube where the egg came down, allowing me to get pregnant, just as I had this sense of knowing that this is the month, this is how I'm going to ovulate. This is what's going to happen.

00:21:42:01 - 00:22:27:12
Kelly Goetz
And now I'm basking in complete gratitude and suddenly realizing that all these little tidbits from the weeks before guiding me in every step of the way, what tests to have, when to have a session, where to give gratitude, where to put my faith in my own internal gut knowing versus everybody else's fear and doubt. I'm now celebrating that I listen to myself, and I put my inner wisdom above everybody else's.

00:22:27:14 - 00:22:57:12
Kelly Goetz
My daughter's turning 17 today. It's her golden birthday, and there's so many more gifts to talk about in this, of how I learned and continue to learn, to listen to my inner knowing that I call on all the time. Now, when I'm working with clients and students, my family.

00:22:57:14 - 00:23:32:08
Kelly Goetz
I get to celebrate my daughter's 17th birthday because I listened to my own inner knowing instead of everybody else's fear, everybody else's doubt. And yes, I did have a moment where I regressed into doubt. But the cool thing is, I still took action in went forward. So were you doubting yourself?

00:23:32:10 - 00:24:05:01
Kelly Goetz
Our intuition that internal intuition is part of our human nature. It is part of this amazing body that we have this amazing, complex brain and body that is designed to heal naturally. It is designed to heal and be whole. It does it so often all by himself, all by itself.

00:24:05:03 - 00:24:27:13
Kelly Goetz
Going through that process, trusting that somewhere in me was meant to bring forth and create new life. And have a daughter. Even though I was still hurting and still letting go.

00:24:27:15 - 00:24:57:08
Kelly Goetz
Was such a great testament to listening to my intuition. And the way that intuition will get stronger for you is when you pay attention and you listen to it. Are you getting something in your ear? Are you getting a sense of knowing? Are you feeling it in your body? Are you spouting something unusual that no one else is picking up on?

00:24:57:10 - 00:25:37:19
Kelly Goetz
I implore you, journal about it. Pay attention to it. Get curious about it. Because when you're curious to discover is it right? Is it wrong? There's no harm in being wrong. It's just being curious. So be curious and discover. Is this something that is there to protect you? In a moment, keeping you from danger? Is it there to guide you towards a goal or a dream that you're meant to have?

00:25:37:21 - 00:26:17:20
Kelly Goetz
Is it there to get you to just trust yourself more than you trust anybody else around you? Because everybody around you is going to have their opinions, their ideas based on their perceptions, based on their experience. When you get quiet and you pay attention to your internal self and you get curious with it and you follow it and you just follow it a little bit, see where it takes you.

00:26:17:22 - 00:27:00:13
Kelly Goetz
Amazing, fascinating things can happen. And who knows? For me, we're celebrating a golden birthday 17 years. All because I listened to my intuition and trusted my inner guidance. There are so many more nuggets in that gift. And strange wrapping paper. So many more. And I look forward to sharing how I started learning about my intuition and really building on it, because you get to have that to.

00:27:00:15 - 00:27:05:19
Kelly Goetz
Thanks for listening. Happy birthday to my daughter on her golden birthday.