Episode 8: Push vs. Pull: Let Your Dreams Move You

Kelly dives deep into the transformative difference between pushing toward goals and being pulled by them. Sharing her personal story of grief, healing, and hope after the stillbirth of her son Montana, she explores how having a clear vision and emotional “why” became her anchor and fuel. Rather than forcing herself to move forward, Kelly was pulled by a deep conviction to heal with grace and to welcome another child into her family.

Using this journey as a backdrop, Kelly offers guidance on:

• Recognizing when you're stuck in “push” mode—driven by pressure, guilt, or fear.
• Shifting into “pull” mode by getting crystal clear on what you want and why you want it.
• Taking small, consistent steps—baby steps—toward your dreams, even in the midst of fear.
• Understanding how your emotions and energy guide momentum.
• Applying this approach to any area of life: relationships, body transformation, career changes, or creative pursuits.

Kelly also introduces the concept of the Six Human Needs (from Tony Robbins):

1. Certainty
2. Variety/Uncertainty
3. Significance
4. Love and Connection
5. Growth
6. Contribution

She closes with a reflective call to action: Are you pushing up the hill or being pulled by a vision? If you're tired, unmotivated, or stuck, it might be time to revisit your “why”—and let it lead you.

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With Infinite Love & Gratitude

Kelly

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Transcript

00;00;01;22 - 00;00;28;28
Kelly Goetz
Hello. Today I wanted to talk about the difference between being pulled by something you dream or long for, versus pushing towards something you dream and long for. In 2007, when I had my stillbirth, it was something internally inside of me that said, even though I just had this horrific experience and lost this beautiful baby that I was so excited to bring into our world.

00;00;29;01 - 00;00;53;02
Kelly Goetz
Somewhere deep in my soul, there was a part of me that still longed to have another baby. You've heard me talk about that in earlier segments, but I wanted to talk about it from the standpoint of being pulled towards that versus being pushed in a goal. So when I had that deep longing, there was a part of me that had very clear outcomes.

00;00;53;05 - 00;01;15;28
Kelly Goetz
Number one, I wanted to heal with grace and gratitude. Number two, I wanted to go after having another baby. Now I was still grieving, and I probably was not in the greatest state I could have possibly be. But because I had that first idea of wanting to heal with grace and gratitude, and I was willing to do whatever it took to do that.

00;01;16;05 - 00;01;41;22
Kelly Goetz
So it didn't disrupt my marriage and my family any further than the grief that I was dealing with had already caused, caused us to be in such great pain. So upon leaving the hospital, I had had this really beautiful journey before delivering Montana that really showed me some of the things that I needed to work on and grow with.

00;01;41;25 - 00;02;09;23
Kelly Goetz
I talk about this in my book and I'll be talking about it at a later date, but it gave me some insight that I just was not done. And even though I was in tremendous emotional pain and my body had to go through its own healing journey. This thought that I was not done, that there was still another soul that we were meant to bring into our family pulled me towards it.

00;02;09;26 - 00;02;47;13
Kelly Goetz
It didn't really matter what anybody else said. It didn't really matter that there were people around me that were concerned, or maybe fearful that I could have another loss, and they didn't want me to go through that pain. What mattered is I had this outcome that we were supposed to have a second child. And so even though every single day there were obstacles, predominantly the grief I was experiencing, the sense of complete devastation and loss going through such raw emotions every single day.

00;02;47;16 - 00;03;16;19
Kelly Goetz
There was another part of me that found a way to keep taking steps towards that dream of bringing another baby, another soul, into our family. Now, you probably may have heard me talk about in episode 1 or 2 that I was not a young mother. I was not in my 20s. I was not even in my 30s. I had, delivered our second baby at 42 years of age.

00;03;16;21 - 00;03;41;24
Kelly Goetz
So it wasn't a spring chicken. And really, the part of me that not the 42 year old I'm just going to say. But that part of me that really had this strong desire and the strong outcome that my journey, our family's journey, was not going to end in grief. We were going to somehow, have some sort of celebration in the future.

00;03;41;26 - 00;04;18;26
Kelly Goetz
I didn't know if it was possible. I didn't know if it would happen. And there was a great part of me that was fearful of that happening, of fearful. There was a big part of me fearful that it wouldn't happen. Now, here's the thing. Because this conviction inside of me was so strong to not only heal with grace and gratitude, but also became just as focused on what I wanted to create in our family versus this focus on just the horrible thing that had happened.

00;04;18;29 - 00;04;47;26
Kelly Goetz
I had something pulling me towards it. And when you have an outcome and a why that is so powerful and strong, you know what you want to create, why you want to create it. My why was I wanted I didn't want my my journey of creating our family to end in just loss and grief. I didn't want to be victimized by my situation.

00;04;47;26 - 00;05;19;28
Kelly Goetz
I wanted to grow through my situation. I wanted to find meaning in my situation. And I wanted to welcome another baby, another family member into our family. And because that outcome was so strong in me and strong in my husband, it pulled me every single day to find some sort of step action or hope that I could get a little bit closer to that outcome of getting pregnant again.

00;05;20;00 - 00;05;52;12
Kelly Goetz
Even though I had nothing affirming me that it was even possible. It caused me to seek different ways of healing, caused me to seek things like taking my tools, everything I had learned from pathways for success. Living over that eight years. About when you have a desired goal and you're afraid to move forward. Recognizing if you're standing on the line of fear, not moving forward.

00;05;52;15 - 00;06;24;08
Kelly Goetz
That just by taking one single step, one baby, step up and say to my clients, what's one baby step? When you take that baby step, which is what I did every single day, I would just find a way to take a tiny little baby step. Maybe that baby step was phoning somebody from my small group and talking about my experiences and talking about that grief.

00;06;24;11 - 00;07;03;05
Kelly Goetz
Maybe the next day it was a baby step to meeting with my counselor and processing the grief that I was going through. Maybe the next day it was acknowledging the different ways that nature was reaching out to me and helping me heal. Maybe the next day it was starting to research other possibilities beyond Western medicine that I could experiment with and see if it helped my energy and my emotions and my physical body heal quicker, faster, better, even.

00;07;03;07 - 00;07;25;11
Kelly Goetz
Maybe the baby step was just facing the gym and going to the gym, even though everybody in the gym would know that I was grieving and that I had gone through this loss because they would have heard about it. People were talking about it. They would see I was no longer the same size with this pregnancy belly, and they would see that deflating.

00;07;25;11 - 00;08;14;07
Kelly Goetz
And some of them would, would wonder, what did you have? Was it a girl or a boy because they didn't know the whole story. So it was taking the risk of putting myself in places that maybe could hurt. Part of my soul could wound me on some level. When you have something that is pulling you, no matter what, other things get in your way, even if it's somebody saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, or even if it's a struggle to take that baby step, or to call that person that might be able to support you, or to step into some sort of action, like in my case, it would have been seeking different

00;08;14;07 - 00;08;59;23
Kelly Goetz
medical support. It would have been meeting with my doctor after the fact. It would have been checking up medical records, autopsies, all sorts of things like that that were uncomfortable. And when you are standing on the line of fear because you want to create something, you want to do something. If you just stand there in fear and avoid it through procrastinating, or avoid it by giving yourself all the reasons you shouldn't move forward, or avoiding that dream or that goal by saying you're not smart enough, good enough, whatever it is, and we all do something.

00;08;59;26 - 00;09;23;21
Kelly Goetz
Some people use humor in a fascinating way to keep from moving forward. Some people surround themselves by other naysayers, people that don't don't want to move forward themselves. And they all stand on that line saying, I really would like another job or I really would like a promotion. But they stand. They're afraid on the line. They don't leave the line.

00;09;23;23 - 00;09;50;26
Kelly Goetz
My first mentor taught me that if you wake up every day and you are standing in that line of fear, and you take the biggest number, ten risks that you can possibly take at the beginning of the day, all the other things that you're scared to do will become easier and more accessible to you, because you did the hardest thing first.

00;09;50;29 - 00;10;22;07
Kelly Goetz
More often than not, I will do the thing that is more demanding. Not necessarily the harder thing, but somebody wants it more than the thing I'm afraid to do. So I'll go to the squeaky wheel and I'll take care of their need. Whether it's whether it's one of my kids or if it's, you know, a neighbor or somebody that wants something of me, I Oftentime will try to quiet the urgent need from somebody else.

00;10;22;09 - 00;10;54;05
Kelly Goetz
And a void, the thing that will move me towards my dream and goal, that I'm also somewhat afraid won't happen, that I'm also somewhat afraid that maybe I can't achieve. However, in this particular case, there was something inside me that just knew I was meant to go for it. I was meant to go after it. That me and my husband were meant to go after it.

00;10;54;08 - 00;11;24;00
Kelly Goetz
I can't completely explain that to you. There was a conviction inside of me simply saying, I'm not done. I'm going to heal with grace and gratitude. I'm going to find a way. Had that not then where I felt energetically. Had that not been my conviction deep inside of my soul, even while I was grieving and lost, I may have missed the mark.

00;11;24;03 - 00;11;42;01
Kelly Goetz
I had learned, though, to do it anyway, to go after what I wanted to create anyway, and to make sure every day, even though I was afraid to just take one small step forward.

00;11;42;03 - 00;12;09;04
Kelly Goetz
In those cases, when something is so strong in you that you want to achieve, and you want to create, if your outcome is crystal clear, whether it's around a job, whether it's around creating a relationship. I often hear people saying, I want to find somebody. I want to create a relationship. And when I hear this, I'll often say, awesome.

00;12;09;07 - 00;12;42;09
Kelly Goetz
Do you know what you're looking for? Most often think, I'm really no idea what they're looking for. They haven't written it down. They haven't dreamed about it. They haven't put their emotions and their energy into it. What they focused on is they feel lonely. What they focus on as they don't know what will happen for them. What they focus on is what they don't want versus what they do want.

00;12;42;11 - 00;13;04;09
Kelly Goetz
So when I hear somebody saying, hey, I really want to fall in love and find that person that I want to spend the rest of my life with, I usually give them an assignment, and the assignment is to write down every single thing you want in a relationship. How do you want to feel? What do you want to do with this person?

00;13;04;11 - 00;13;31;14
Kelly Goetz
What would make it attractive for you? And the reason I tell them to do that is because that's the exact thing that I did when I had ended one engagement, and a year later, I was like, you know, I'm ready. I'm ready to see if I can find the right person. And I went and I made a wish list, a dream list, everything I could possibly conceive of.

00;13;31;17 - 00;13;59;16
Kelly Goetz
I wrote it down. And the friend that did it with me had only about seven things on their list. It was a male friend, and he was overwhelmed by my lengthy 48 item list, and I was underwhelmed with his small seven item list that was mostly characterized by physical attributes. And as we compared our list, I said, hey, it's a piece of paper and it's a pen.

00;13;59;18 - 00;14;23;17
Kelly Goetz
It's a pen and a piece of paper. I am going to make a wish list because right now, on a piece of paper, I haven't met anyone. I'm just making a dream list. And in that dream list, I don't need right now to preface anything. I don't need to settle. I don't need to take anything off the list.

00;14;23;18 - 00;14;45;17
Kelly Goetz
It's just a list. Maybe Mr. Wright will show up. Maybe he won't. But I'm certainly not going to settle on a piece of paper. The one thing I tell my clients to do that I didn't do for myself is to also make a list of what you don't want, whatever that might be. Where do you look for clues and information?

00;14;45;17 - 00;15;08;20
Kelly Goetz
You go back to other relationships you've had, and if you've never, ever had a relationship, what relationships do you admire and what relationships in that place of that admiration? What are the things in that that you would love to have through the people that you're admiring? And if there's something you clearly don't want, because maybe it was something you grew up with in a relationship.

00;15;08;28 - 00;15;37;26
Kelly Goetz
Put it on that. Do not want list. Now, in my case, once I made my own nice long list, I just did it up and I put it away and I let my subconscious and I let myself start to manifest it and create it and draw it to me. Now, I didn't do that. Or maybe I didn't make a list of what that baby was also doing.

00;15;37;29 - 00;16;04;08
Kelly Goetz
The need to make a list. What I do was I wanted to welcome another baby into our world. And just like our first child and our second child. There was no classification of what they had or who they were. I wanted to discover them. I wanted to discover who was going to be part of our family and help whoever that was, that new soul coming into our family.

00;16;04;14 - 00;16;32;28
Kelly Goetz
Help that new soul evolve and then discover who they are and who they were meant to be. So, you know, with the child, I'm not going to make a list right? Okay. So understanding that if you put yourself in a state where you understand that you want to create an outcome. And now I've talked about having a baby and we've talked about having a relationship.

00;16;33;01 - 00;17;02;28
Kelly Goetz
It might be a promotion for you, it might be a new job. It might be a new home. The clearer you become about what your outcome is or what it is you want, and you get connected to all of the emotions associated to that outcome. Because emotions are your jet fuel. Emotions are going to take you towards it or they're going to take you away from it.

00;17;03;00 - 00;17;37;03
Kelly Goetz
So when you connect to how you want to feel and really put your emotions into the process and the outcome of what you want and really, truly understand your why, and a great way to understand your why, whether it's for a relationship or for a new job, or for a new home or whatever the scenario is when you understand your why, it keeps you moving forward.

00;17;37;05 - 00;18;07;03
Kelly Goetz
When things get hard. And guess what? If it's something you're really meant to have, do or be, do you think you're not going to have challenges? Absolutely, 100%. You're going to have challenges. It's not going to be this perfect smooth roll. It might be. Enjoy the smoothness of the ride. But every once in a while, you might discover there's a challenge or a bump where you have to persevere.

00;18;07;03 - 00;18;39;25
Kelly Goetz
And the only way you're going to persevere. If you really understand your why. And I definitely had challenges people saying you're too old. Other people are afraid that getting pregnant again would mean I could get hurt again. I could have another loss there. There weren't people around me beyond my husband and the people I chose to surround myself with, who were my support team that were helping me get stronger emotionally, physically, mentally.

00;18;39;28 - 00;19;09;12
Kelly Goetz
Working through the grief, working through the loss, making sure they supported me, and finding the best meaning for the situation and the meaning I chose to give. My situation was. This is meant to grow me and my family were meant to learn from this, were meant to do something great. 18 years later, I have served so many different people as a result of our our child Montana Sky.

00;19;09;15 - 00;19;38;17
Kelly Goetz
It's amazing the gifts I've received as a result of discovering in what way could I grow and what way could I evolve. Learning from this situation. His memory is alive and well in my heart and anyone that comes in contact with me. Because they know I am who I am. Because I chose to walk through that situation in a way that empowered me.

00;19;38;19 - 00;20;15;13
Kelly Goetz
And not everybody is able to do that. And like I said before, I was blessed that I had eight years of leadership, relationship, personal development, that I had actively participate in. And when you find something that calls you and gives you the opportunity to grow and evolve. Immerse yourself. Immerse yourself in it. Because in the immersion and the repetition, that's where you change old beliefs, old habits, old behaviors, old patterns.

00;20;15;15 - 00;20;54;09
Kelly Goetz
If we aren't surrounding ourselves by people that want to grow and evolve as much as we want to grow and evolve. Guess what? We are more likely to stay in our old patterns than we are to move forward into new patterns. Because changing a habit, changing a pattern, changing a belief or a behavior takes a little effort. And it takes effort because you have to constantly be observing yourself in different situations of how you reacted or how you responded.

00;20;54;11 - 00;21;25;03
Kelly Goetz
Did you come from a place of growth, or did you come from an old belief or behavior? Learning that to grow, we have to make subtle shifts. Every single opportunity. And sometimes we're going to hit it out of the ballpark and more often to build the muscle that we need to build to really, truly go after our dreams and goals, to really build out muscle.

00;21;25;05 - 00;21;50;12
Kelly Goetz
It's going to be a bunch of trial and error. It's going to be persevering and doing it again and again and practicing whatever that new skill is. Whatever that thing you are going after, it's practicing slowly practicing and making tiny little shifts and tiny little shifts. The two millimeter shift.

00;21;50;15 - 00;22;22;16
Kelly Goetz
So getting clear about whatever your outcome is, to the point that that outcome actually pulls you forward is the goal. So often my first thinking, you know, it's funny because intuitively, I did a lot of things just intuitively. I didn't think it out. I didn't think, okay, beyond the outcome of wanting to get pregnant again and recognizing, well, I'm 42, I may not have a lot of time.

00;22;22;19 - 00;22;56;19
Kelly Goetz
I did line up my doctor and I did get bloodwork and different tests, etc. etc. I did some of those things. Knowledge is power. I really didn't have more information beyond. My outcome was to heal with grace and gratitude, to get pregnant again, to welcome a new child into our family and into our lives. And that was both my outcome and what I wanted, why I wanted.

00;22;56;21 - 00;23;30;11
Kelly Goetz
To grow. And I wanted to end this pain with joy. I wanted to shift it. And I met some amazing couples that they have gone through not one, two, three, four, five losses in their process of getting their family, creating their family. I know so many. I've heard so many difficult stories where where it's not one loss, it's multiple losses in so many ways.

00;23;30;11 - 00;24;08;18
Kelly Goetz
The fact that I only had one stillbirth, what a blessing. Because and I can't completely imagine what perseverance, courage and strength that that person that had gone through multiple miscarriages, multiple losses had gone through. I actually one of the reasons I'm writing my book right now is because somebody had given me a book about another couple, and she had written about her first loss, and I was reading the book early on because I was looking and seeking hope.

00;24;08;20 - 00;24;27;18
Kelly Goetz
And then she lost that first baby. There was a particular disease, and then there was a second baby. And I'm thinking, this is going to be my happy ending in this book. There was no happy ending in the book. She lost the second one. I remember getting to the end of that book and I love a happy ending.

00;24;27;18 - 00;24;52;03
Kelly Goetz
I love a good romance and I love a good happy ending. Sorry, I'm a bit of a romantic and we aren't done until we are done in this life. So I'm always looking to how can we create a better ending? And so in this book it didn't have a happy ending. And I thought, oh my gosh, this is not the book for me.

00;24;52;08 - 00;25;21;23
Kelly Goetz
This is not the book. And I kept hearing write the book. Write the book. Not being a writer, not being an author, knowing nothing about writing a book. I kind of stood, stood and shook. I didn't have a big enough. Why? I had an intuitive calling to write the book, and I've heard this from other people where they get a nudge to write a book, to paint the picture, to create the talk, to build the relationship, to create the new home.

00;25;21;23 - 00;25;46;15
Kelly Goetz
And they ignore it because it seems so, so far out of their reach. So I ignored my intuitive hits. But something said keep track of all your journals. Type it all out. Type. Type your emails out. Keep anything that you typed that you wrote and just keep it. I figured someday I would figure out if I was really meant to write the book.

00;25;46;15 - 00;26;21;13
Kelly Goetz
I would write the book better keep it all. So that's what I did. I wish I would have actually written and taped a lot more, because it would have been a little easier and not have to dig so much in all these different journals. So I digress a little bit to say recently, this past summer I was 20 pounds overweight and I realized I wasn't comfortable in my clothes, I wasn't comfortable in my body, and I said, okay, what's going on for me?

00;26;21;15 - 00;26;43;18
Kelly Goetz
And I realized coming back to the pole and the push, I realized that every day I was shooting on myself, I should go to the gym. I should eat healthier, I should, I should, I should, I should, I should. And the days I got to the gym and the days that I ate well, I could feel good about that.

00;26;43;21 - 00;27;11;07
Kelly Goetz
At the same time, I didn't have a true joy for it. It's like I had dragged my butt to the gym. I had dragged myself to eating the right foods as I thought. And started really understanding a little bit more and looking at this in a different way. I realized that for me, I wasn't enjoying anything I was doing at the gym.

00;27;11;09 - 00;27;37;05
Kelly Goetz
I wasn't enjoying cycling with our cycling group. In fact, I found it stressful, often feeling like I'm going to be left behind or they're going to drop me on this. On this peloton type of cycling ride. I realized that when I would go to the gym, I was going more out of pleasing my husband or not wanting to feel guilty or not wanting to feel bad about myself.

00;27;37;05 - 00;28;06;08
Kelly Goetz
At least I can say I went to the gym and none of it did. I enjoy. I had created a routine of pushing myself to the gym, pushing myself on the cycling rides that, by the way, were about 30 plus miles. I was pushing myself to eat the right things. In all cases, I was pushing. I wasn't really clear about my outcome.

00;28;06;10 - 00;28;34;10
Kelly Goetz
I certainly didn't know what I wanted or why I wanted it, other than I was shooting all over myself and when we should on ourselves. That is definitely not being pulled towards your dream or goal. So I took a big risk and I said, you know what? I'm not doing this anymore. I'm not going to go to the gym because somebody else wants me to go to the gym.

00;28;34;12 - 00;28;54;16
Kelly Goetz
I'm not going to go do the 30 plus mile bike rides where I feel stressed. And that part of me that fights like freeze response kicks in and is afraid that I can't keep up and I'm going to get left behind. And even though they're telling me they're not going to leave me behind on some level, subconsciously I'm thinking they're going to leave me behind.

00;28;54;18 - 00;29;19;15
Kelly Goetz
I'm not going to be able to catch up, right. So even though they're telling me it's all going to work out, my belief system is like, I remember this years ago, I got dropped and that was not fun. I also realized that I had no clue about what I liked. So I completely changed everything on its on its face.

00;29;19;15 - 00;29;52;11
Kelly Goetz
I completely said forget it. I am only going to do the things that I love. I'm only going to go to the gym if I want to go to the gym, if I want to go outside and walking. And that's what's pulling me, is being outdoors and walking. That's what I'm going to do. I also gave myself permission to explore and figure out what it was that I liked, what brought me joy, and I decided I'd be my first client, my only client.

00;29;52;13 - 00;30;16;23
Kelly Goetz
Even though I was going to continue seeing clients in my office, I decided that I was going to put me first. Just making the declaration that I'm going to put me first to discover what I really love and what lights me up, started pulling me. I no longer felt the need to push. I gave myself a lot of space.

00;30;16;26 - 00;30;33;21
Kelly Goetz
I like and prefer working out first thing in the morning, but instead of being like you have to be there at 8:00 9:00. If I had a window of time and I hadn't gone to the gym and I wanted to go to the gym at 12, I'm just going to let that happen. As I walked into the gym, I talked.

00;30;33;24 - 00;30;52;13
Kelly Goetz
I thought to myself, I don't want to feel my clothes. If I lose weight. I have a whole new wardrobe in my closet. I don't have to buy a thing that'll be exciting and fit better. I had learned, you know, you hold your stomach in, you know, you hold your stomach in as a woman. And I was like, I want to hold my stomach in.

00;30;52;16 - 00;31;11;17
Kelly Goetz
I just want to be able to walk and have a flat stomach. That's what I want. And I started just making a declaration, and then I started saying, well, you know, I've got keep saying you're physically strong. Well, I might as well lift weights. They're all telling me I'm athletic and physically strong. Why don't I try lifting weights again?

00;31;11;17 - 00;31;24;00
Kelly Goetz
Really lifting weights and following a process and see if I like it? If I don't like it, I'll try something else. Well, sure enough, I liked it.

00;31;24;03 - 00;31;48;26
Kelly Goetz
Everything I started doing for myself from a place of what's my outcome and my outcome was to lose 20 pounds, feel good in my clothes, be able to eat whatever I wanted to eat, be able to have a flat stomach without holding my stomach in. Most importantly, I didn't want to have to go through the process of losing 10 to 20 pounds again.

00;31;48;29 - 00;32;20;29
Kelly Goetz
I wanted to set myself up for success, so whatever the maintenance was going to be on the other side, I could actually maintain the weight loss versus, oh, we got to lose that same 10 pounds again. Can you relate? How many times have you lost that same five, ten, 15 pounds? Every single thing I did, I did from a place of desire, from a place of setting myself up for success, from an outcome.

00;32;21;02 - 00;32;40;12
Kelly Goetz
I didn't even have a date. I didn't even have a date mind. And there was no date. I just wanted to put myself in a position that I was putting myself first. I was doing the things that I love. I was creating a process that worked for me, that set me up for success on the end result. And I didn't have to work hard.

00;32;40;12 - 00;33;09;27
Kelly Goetz
Everything had to be easy. Easy peasy. I didn't want to have to push. I didn't want to have to work hard. I wanted it to just be in that state of pull. And what I discovered, because I gave myself absolute position up permission. All of a sudden I was no longer pushing myself to the gym. I was actually looking forward to going to the gym and lifting weight.

00;33;10;00 - 00;33;39;19
Kelly Goetz
I was actually discovering I'm quite strong. Hey, I'm actually not minding stocking my food because that's helping me get conscious and aware. I'm actually enjoying it and becoming more aware of what I'm eating. And because I was putting myself first and not putting everyone else before me, all of a sudden there was less stress because my needs at how I was filling myself up was it was easier.

00;33;39;23 - 00;34;06;13
Kelly Goetz
It was coming together. I suddenly found myself going, okay, I'm traveling. Well, what do I need? What do I want? What do I need for support and teamwork so I can continue my progress? Well, I'm in Fiji for two weeks serving with a buffet that sometimes is healthy and maybe sometimes not. So I created support, playful support. Will you do this with me?

00;34;06;15 - 00;34;29;08
Kelly Goetz
At some point you'll see me interviewing my friend Tim and we started, a challenge. 50 pushups, 50 squats, and five minutes of planks broken into five sets. We started that in Fiji every morning. Hiking. He was already hiking because he's there very often, more often than me, and I would meet him every morning without fail because I knew that Tim was going to hike.

00;34;29;08 - 00;34;34;09
Kelly Goetz
I was going to hike too. I was going to take the buddy system.

00;34;34;12 - 00;34;57;04
Kelly Goetz
The benefit to letting myself be pulled in my towards my outcome was before I knew it, I started gaining muscle tone. Before I knew it, I started feeling better. From what I was eating. Before I knew it, I didn't have to worry about what I was putting in my mouth because guess what? I could have whatever I wanted.

00;34;57;07 - 00;35;28;28
Kelly Goetz
There was no more need to push myself to the gym. I was actually going there because I wanted to go there. It was my agenda, not my husband's agenda. And my husband is a diehard. He could go twice a day and he can ride a bike 50, 75, 100 miles, and that is really great for him. I prefer 25, 35 miles miles total, and I don't want to do it 4 or 5 times a week, maybe 2 or 3 times a week.

00;35;29;01 - 00;35;57;09
Kelly Goetz
I want to have fun and enjoy the people I'm riding with, so I enjoy when there's more women on the ride, and there's plenty of great men on the ride as well, but I enjoy having a nice mix. I enjoy that I don't have to go 22, 23, 24mph and constantly feel that sense of stress, instead choosing to go more like, I don't know, 14, 15, 17, 18 miles peak.

00;35;57;11 - 00;36;27;20
Kelly Goetz
I find that more enjoyable. I find that being out in nature and walking and just enjoying a nice brisk walk and seeing nature and seeing the trees lifts my soul up, makes me feel full. All of these things I would not have recognized or noticed from a place of pushing and doing. Sure, I might have had to walk, but what I have enjoyed the walk.

00;36;27;22 - 00;36;46;24
Kelly Goetz
Not likely. I wouldn't have enjoyed the walk because I would be too busy pushing myself to get out the door to walk. Would I have enjoyed the gym? No, probably not, because I would have been, you know, beating myself up to you. Got to go to the gym, got to go to the gym. And then I'm not really enjoying the process while I'm at the gym, because it's not what I want to do in the first place.

00;36;46;26 - 00;37;14;14
Kelly Goetz
Whatever it is I chose to do that day. So allowing yourself to get really clear about whatever your outcome is, what is it that you want? Why do you want it? And the trick about why? Because it has to be a really, really big why is if you ask yourself why you want to do something, ask yourself seven times minimum.

00;37;14;16 - 00;37;47;05
Kelly Goetz
Keep asking why do you want it? And then ask whatever that answer is, ask again, why do you want that? Okay, why do you want that? Ask yourself seven times. Because when you keep digging deeper and deeper and deeper, whatever is at the bottom. For me, I just wanted to feel sexy. I wanted to feel sexy and alive, and I wanted to look in the mirror and feel good about myself.

00;37;47;07 - 00;38;12;14
Kelly Goetz
I don't want to look like someone else. I just wanted to feel a sense of sexy. I wanted to feel energized. I wanted to feel healthy. I wanted to feel like I was in my 20s again. Even though I'm never going to be in my 20s again. I wanted to have that same sexy, playful, fun, fiery energy that I've had most of my life and and lose when I'm out of shape.

00;38;12;16 - 00;38;44;06
Kelly Goetz
So digging deep and discovering your why. Before you start putting all the how to's to get there is important. I don't know that anyone like I'll listen to people talk and most often than not, when somebody says I have this dream or I have this role, they start focusing on how to, how to, how to, and they get themselves all overwhelmed before they even get started.

00;38;44;08 - 00;39;16;27
Kelly Goetz
And then what happens when you focus on how to instead of moving forward, oftentimes people tend to get overwhelmed. They procrastinate. They get small, their energy constricts. And before you know it, are they taking action? You tell me, do you think they're taking action? Probably not. Especially if it's a dream or goal that you have never gone after before.

00;39;16;29 - 00;39;49;23
Kelly Goetz
Like writing my book. It's not something I've ever done before, so it's really easy to get caught up in the house and do nothing fast. In the last few weeks, I've been really in a push situation. I have found myself pushing to get things done. I didn't even see it happening. I had six months of just being pulled and enjoying the things that I was doing, enjoying writing, enjoying, working out, enjoying losing weight all for great reasons.

00;39;49;26 - 00;40;22;11
Kelly Goetz
And then suddenly, as you heard me talk a couple episodes ago, suddenly life turned, just turned, and suddenly, with the added stress of a layoff and her household, I found myself going back to old habits and pushing and pushing. How can I solve this problem? How can I solve that problem? When we're in the state of solving problems and pushing, we are not getting energized or filled up.

00;40;22;13 - 00;40;50;09
Kelly Goetz
It is so important to have a clear vision of what you want to create, that you can feel energetically excited about, that you can bask in, that you can visualize, and if you don't know what you want, then take the time. Get quiet. Whether it's sitting in your car, sitting in your bedroom, wherever it is that's quiet, just get quiet and go into your imagination.

00;40;50;12 - 00;41;22;16
Kelly Goetz
An. Asking yourself if you could have anything. You could create anything. What floats up for you? You might be surprised at what shows up, and if you hit the recording button next to you when you start noticing, like, wow, I didn't know I wanted a motorcycle, I didn't notice. I wanted to travel to India. Whatever it is that pops up, speak it out loud.

00;41;22;16 - 00;42;07;19
Kelly Goetz
Because when you're in that state of visualizing and you allow yourself just to speak it out loud, perhaps it's the first time you'll say it out loud. Hit the record button before you start imagining, and just speak it out loud and then listen to it and discover what is it that your heart and soul desires. And then before you say, oh, that's not for me, and I can't have it, and start asking those tremendous, huge questions of how to or I don't have enough money to whatever it is, get clear what it is that you want and why you want it.

00;42;07;21 - 00;42;24;27
Kelly Goetz
What would that give you? Because usually we're looking for some sort of emotional fulfillment. We're looking for some sort of joy. We're looking for some sort of excitement. We're looking for some need to be met.

00;42;24;29 - 00;42;57;26
Kelly Goetz
One of the things I love about, Tony Robbins teachings is he has defined six human needs that we all have. And, you know, I've been testing this for the last five years to see how it really shows up in other people. And the needs are simply this. We all have a need for certainty. We want to know that our basic needs are taken care of, that we're certain oftentimes that comes in a relationship, a home, a job.

00;42;57;28 - 00;43;18;09
Kelly Goetz
Too much of certainty can be really, really boring though. So we all need uncertainty or variety, something that has a sense of variety. I have a lot of fire energy in me, which is, if you think about a firefighter likes to go in a lot of directions, and I like to connect with a lot of people, and I like to create fun and I like to build new relationships.

00;43;18;09 - 00;43;37;25
Kelly Goetz
Doesn't matter if I'm going to a grocery store, if I'm going to church or wherever I'm going. I like to have fun, I like to connect. And there was a period of time in our marriage that I was like, because of our financial constraints of being a, one income household and having young kids, there was a time where I'm like, we're not having enough fun.

00;43;37;26 - 00;44;06;04
Kelly Goetz
There's not enough fun. I was constantly talking about not having enough fun. And his idea of fun looked different sometimes than my idea of fun. And so for me, fun was getting out, meeting people, having new experiences. So we all need a sense of certainty. We all need a sense of variety and uncertainty, and the amount of uncertainty you can handle and whether will determine how successful you are.

00;44;06;04 - 00;44;25;11
Kelly Goetz
Because the more flexible you can be in your life, whatever that looks like, the greater opportunity that you can meet, any challenge that comes your way and find your way through it, around it in a way that's fulfilling and energizing.

00;44;25;14 - 00;44;47;07
Kelly Goetz
The next one is significance. And I learned many years ago, 25 years ago, one of the things I was very clear about this place of significance only cause it's significance. What I noticed when I watched all these people doing their leadership and development work, when they were doing their personal growth, became very clear that everyone wanted to be loved and accepted.

00;44;47;09 - 00;45;14;16
Kelly Goetz
They wanted to know that their lives mattered. It didn't matter what color their skin was. It didn't matter what their sex was. It didn't matter their age. It didn't matter how different all the people were in the room. It became very clear to me that every single person wanted to know they were loved. They were accepted and that their lives mattered, that they were worthy of success, that they counted.

00;45;14;18 - 00;45;47;19
Kelly Goetz
Tony calls it significance. But I had witnessed this 25 years ago. It was so clear to me. And then we all need love in connection. One of my mentors, one of my teachers, would talk about how it's really great to be invited to somebody's home or a party or an event. The first time, but what's even more important is getting invited the second time, because the first time you get invited, you're like, okay, there's some connection here, there's some love here.

00;45;47;21 - 00;46;12;13
Kelly Goetz
But getting invited back the second time now, you know that even though however you showed up, they want you back. That gives you a sense of love and connection, knowing you are welcome back at any time. I think of my dear, dear friends and it's like, doesn't matter who they are, I know that I can count them even if I'm in my worst mood or life's not going well.

00;46;12;16 - 00;46;39;17
Kelly Goetz
I know I have that love and connection and I will stand for them and be there for them, and they will stand and be there for me. And then the last two or more spiritual and it's about growth. We all need to grow in our lives. And when our lives get stagnant, right, if we get stagnant and we're not growing or evolving, then we're going to start feeling like uncomfortable.

00;46;39;18 - 00;47;08;00
Kelly Goetz
So I think there are internal soul wants us to grow and evolve because the six need is contribution. And I believe no matter what you've been through and how difficult it is when you go after your dream and goal, no matter how tough it is. Just like me going after becoming pregnant again, and I make it sound so simple and it really wasn't that simple at the time.

00;47;08;02 - 00;47;35;18
Kelly Goetz
When you go after your dream and goal, or when you move through the challenges in your life and you discover whatever that gift is in strange wrapping paper, now you can teach and guide and support somebody else that might be a few steps behind you. Contribution can look a lot of different ways. It could be donating money because you've made a certain wealth.

00;47;35;20 - 00;48;07;09
Kelly Goetz
It could be donating your time. I often think or have said to my kids that, you know, if you're having a difficult day, go see who needs help somewhere else. Maybe there's somebody else that feels even more sad than you do. Maybe there's somebody else that's struggling even more than you are. So open your eyes and see who can use your support, your teamwork, who can help, who can you lift up?

00;48;07;11 - 00;48;42;15
Kelly Goetz
I've done this for myself, and every time that I say, well, I'm having this problem or that problem and I'm feeling lost and stuck, it's like looking outside of myself instead of focusing on what's wrong with my life, trying to find somebody else that I can support and help and lift out. So just to recap that the way it's defined for Tony in the way that I see it to be true from all of my years of experience, is certainty that need for certainty, the need for uncertainty or variety.

00;48;42;17 - 00;49;17;05
Kelly Goetz
Having that creative essence, the need for significance, knowing that we are loved, accepted, supported, that we deserve to be acknowledged for our successes, love and connection. And then there's growth. And I'm big believer in growth and contribution. Helping others either through your wisdom, your finances, your physical labor, whatever it is.

00;49;17;07 - 00;49;46;04
Kelly Goetz
The most important thing, though, is that if you discover that you are pushing yourself up a mountain, towards a goal, towards a a dream, you have to ask yourself, is this really the dream I want? If I'm pushing really, really hard and I'm getting really, really tired, what is it you really, really want? What is it? What is your outcome?

00;49;46;06 - 00;50;08;15
Kelly Goetz
And while you might be afraid to stop pushing for a moment, when you stop pushing and you just get, you just be just get into the state of being and asking, what is my outcome here? What am I trying to create? Because sometimes we get in the habit of doing and pushing because we don't think we have another way or another choice.

00;50;08;18 - 00;50;40;11
Kelly Goetz
So if we stop and say, why am I pushing so hard to move this thing up the hill? And it's pushing back just as hard. Number one, you're not clear about what you're doing. Number two, you don't have a why. And number three, you've probably fell into the how rather than discovering that if you're clear about the outcome and being pulled energetically by it, all of a sudden the right people start showing up.

00;50;40;13 - 00;51;17;15
Kelly Goetz
Because your vision is clear, your desire is clear, your why is clear. So whatever it is today that you are choosing to go after, take a pause and ask yourself, are you tired? Are you energized? Which one are you tired or you energized? Are you pushing, working really hard and maybe not feeling like you're getting really fast? Or are you in B mode where it's pulling you?

00;51;17;18 - 00;51;45;02
Kelly Goetz
The excitement of it is pulling you. You can't wait to get up for it. You can't wait to take a little bit more time talking about it, sharing it with other people. I've done a lot of pushing in my life, and one thing I know for sure is that when I allow myself to just be pulled by my dreams and goals and to get excited about my dreams and goals, I feel energized.

00;51;45;05 - 00;52;17;24
Kelly Goetz
I feel excited. Other people get excited around that dream or goal because I'm excited, and my vision helps them get excited about whatever their vision is. So take a pause today. If you're someone that's pushing in and not just in, be pulling mode and you're in, do mode, pushing mode, so be pulling mode or do pushing mode. Notice which one you are.

00;52;17;27 - 00;52;46;16
Kelly Goetz
Take a deep breath. Ask yourself what is your outcome? What do you want to create? What is it? What is it that you want to create? Why do you want to create it? And don't just answer the question straight out one time. Keep asking. Ask about seven times with each and you get ask and go a little bit deeper and a little bit deeper.

00;52;46;18 - 00;53;11;01
Kelly Goetz
And you might need a friend or buddy just to simply ask you some of those tough questions. And when you find yourself quickly wanting to go to the how and why, the how won't work, you digress. And you've forgotten. There's a lot of people out there that can support you, and before they can support you, you got to get really clear about what you're creating.

00;53;11;04 - 00;53;32;06
Kelly Goetz
Whether it's a business, getting pregnant again, building a new relationship, whatever it is for you, I look forward to hearing about your dreams and goals and what it is you want to create, what your outcome is, what you want and why you want it. The rest will fall into place. Have a great day!