Episode 11 - When Triggers Cross Your Path: Choosing Love Over Fear

This week, Kelly explores the decisive moment when life triggers us — and how we can choose to respond with love instead of fear. Sharing personal stories, including an unexpected encounter with a coyote, Kelly discusses the critical importance of self-awareness, emotional healing, and nervous system regulation in today’s reactive world.

Listeners will learn how to recognize when they’ve slipped into fight-or-flight mode, how to shift from resistance to gratitude, and how conscious living can transform personal pain into profound growth. Whether you’re navigating stress, fear of loss, or simply trying to heal old patterns, this episode offers practical wisdom to ground yourself, reconnect to love, and step into true leadership in your own life.

If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, triggered, or anxious, this conversation is an invitation to slow down, breathe, and reclaim your peace.

✨ Topics Covered:

• Self-Awareness and Emotional Intelligence
• Healing Triggers and Old Patterns
• Nervous System Reset Tools
• Moving from Fear to Gratitude
• Conscious Living and Resilience Practices
• Nature’s Role in Personal Growth
• Leadership Mindset in Daily Life

Tune in for an inspiring reminder: what you resist will persist — until you meet it with love.

#GiftsInStrangeWrappingPaper #EmotionalHealing #SelfAwareness #HealingJourney #FearVsLove #MindfulLiving #ConsciousLiving #GratitudePractice

 "When we see something triggering, the most important thing we can do is pause, take a breath, and notice what's happening inside our bodies."
— Kelly Goetz, Gifts in Strange Wrapping Paper

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With Infinite Love & Gratitude

Kelly

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Transcript

00;00;02;06 - 00;00;33;04
Kelly Goetz
Well, this is exciting. Here we are recording another show for gifts and strange wrapping paper. And would you believe I have now record it myself. Talking in the forest. Not once, not twice, three times. And each time I've done it, I failed to hit the record button. So now I have a new situation. I'm short on time, so I'm going to try to make this short and sweet.

00;00;33;07 - 00;01;24;17
Kelly Goetz
I've had the opportunity these last few days to be volunteering at an event that I personally love and I always find near and dear to my heart. And I'm reminded of all the ways that it is so critical and important to keep learning and growing from not only ourselves, but from other people's wisdom. It's so important to be reminded of the truth that while we can all react to our situations and circumstances, it is so important that we don't stay in that reaction and that we learn to respond from a place of leadership.

00;01;24;20 - 00;01;53;25
Kelly Goetz
You know, it's easy to look outside of ourselves and blame somebody around us for whatever's going on in our lives. Too easy to do that, because when we do that, we don't have to take responsibility and we don't have to, literally have to grow in the same way. And when we're blaming somebody else, we're really not accomplishing anything good.

00;01;53;27 - 00;02;17;03
Kelly Goetz
First and foremost, for creating a separation and distance between us and that other person. That's never healthy. There's plenty of separation happening right now. You know, recently I posted something on my Facebook, something I never would post on my Facebook page, my personal Facebook page. I had a moment of reaction and I was rushed and short in time.

00;02;17;06 - 00;02;44;05
Kelly Goetz
I rarely even post on my personal Facebook page and here I am. I posted something that I was triggered by. I didn't pause to dig in and research, and I didn't even like the question that I posed or how I posed it, and I forgot about it. Now it's a, I don't know, good. Ten days later and I'm walking with a friend and I've since posted another little thing.

00;02;44;08 - 00;03;14;07
Kelly Goetz
This time I posted about ducks and how these three deaths flew into my actually. Was it three? Yeah. Three laps flew into my garage. Actually, it was four ducks. Excuse me. Four ducks flew into my garage and three quickly turned away and one hovered in the corner. One scared female duck. And so as I'm walking with my neighbor, she said, oh man, your Facebook post really blew up.

00;03;14;10 - 00;03;48;29
Kelly Goetz
And I said, oh, you mean my Facebook post about the ducks? No, not your Facebook post. Not the ducks. The other one. And I'm like the other one. What was the other one? And I was like, oh no, what did I post? Yes, I reacted to the news and I posted something about the news. And normally I would take the time to research, ask questions, learn a little bit more.

00;03;48;29 - 00;04;18;16
Kelly Goetz
But on this particular subject, I had already done that. So I was in a state of reaction and I just I dumped the post. I went back to look at it and I went, oh man. The woman that posted this in that moment in time was in a place of reaction. She wasn't thinking clearly. She wasn't responding clearly.

00;04;18;19 - 00;04;52;17
Kelly Goetz
In fact, look what she wrote. Why are they doing this to us? There's something about line. And I thought, oh, man, look at all the other reactions I have now incited on this one Facebook post, something I never do. In fact, I don't really like to put triggering things on Facebook. I like to post pictures of my families when I do it.

00;04;52;19 - 00;05;22;05
Kelly Goetz
Rarely do I go back and look at it, but I really like that the pictures pop up years later. I like to put inspirational things or ways of growing. And right now I am seeing a coyote who? That is fascinating. There is a coyote. Just crossed my path. Least I think it's a coyote. It's certainly not a dog.

00;05;22;08 - 00;05;28;19
Kelly Goetz
There's been a lot of them howling here at night, so I'll segway.

00;05;28;22 - 00;06;09;22
Kelly Goetz
And I'm just walking cautiously. Which is kind of fascinating. I'm talking about being triggered. And that coyote who could be a little bit alarming to me or could hurt one of these little dogs that people are walking around. That coyote has caused me to pause to stop in my track. So when we see something in the news or we hear something that somebody else is saying that is triggering or opposing, the most important thing that we can do in that moment is to pause.

00;06;09;25 - 00;06;23;13
Kelly Goetz
Just like I'm pausing for that coyote is to take a pause, to take a breath and notice what's going on for you inside your body.

00;06;23;16 - 00;06;44;29
Kelly Goetz
If we start with our body, our body is going to give us signals. You might notice that you're feeling tension. You might notice a certain area of your body that you're feeling tension. Right now, as I'm even walking back to my house, I'm feeling a sense of consciousness because I'm wondering if these coyotes are howling in the middle of the night.

00;06;45;01 - 00;07;18;03
Kelly Goetz
Where's the rest of them? So I'm pausing and I'm observing. I'm observing the cautiousness I'm feeling in my body. I'm nervous noticing, a little difference in my breath. I'm reminding my nervous system to relax and take some good deep breaths. And feeling all aspects of my body. And notice that I'm walking slower than I was. I'm noticing the cars that are driving by.

00;07;18;06 - 00;07;54;22
Kelly Goetz
I'm noticing that I'm no longer walking through my nature, listening to the birds and seeing the trees now walking amongst the trees in my neighborhood. And as I look outside of myself, no longer focused on those internal signals, now I'm just noticing the beauty of nature and noticing how all the spring flowers are starting to pop up. And I'm coming back to a place of peace and joy and even excitement, which is making me want to walk faster.

00;07;54;24 - 00;08;27;02
Kelly Goetz
When there's a trigger of any kind, like the trigger of a news feed that suddenly came through, that I reacted to. More importantly than passing the trigger on which I'm very capable of doing, and I did. I own that is to take a deep breath and notice what is it about that that is causing you some sort of internal conflict?

00;08;27;04 - 00;08;45;10
Kelly Goetz
What is it about this thing that somebody said, or that somebody did, or that you noticed, like the coyote that I just noticed that is having you feel a little bit of tension on the inside.

00;08;45;12 - 00;09;08;00
Kelly Goetz
And usually that when we are having some sort of reaction, usually it's because there's a fear of loss. There is a fear of, we're never going to have that thing that we were chasing after.

00;09;08;02 - 00;09;13;24
Kelly Goetz
There's a fear of the unknown.

00;09;13;26 - 00;09;29;16
Kelly Goetz
Be mindful what is just getting triggered inside you right now. When you're being triggered by the news reel, or you're being triggered by what somebody else says, or somebody else's opinion.

00;09;29;19 - 00;09;41;25
Kelly Goetz
What's happening within you? What is that fear you're connecting with?

00;09;41;27 - 00;10;16;25
Kelly Goetz
I was reminded yesterday, while volunteering from Ted Shensky of Tony Robbins three main fears that lead to people suffering. It's the fear of loss. Losing something that you thought you had. The fear of having last. That while the problem might be solved, you'll have less than you did before. Or the fear that you'll never have what you desired.

00;10;16;28 - 00;10;51;14
Kelly Goetz
Or perhaps your kids won't have what you desired for them. Fill in the blanks. Or maybe for you, it's what your parents won't have it. They'll never have. So when we're suffering, we're actually in a state of fear, which is very different from pain. I decided I should look up the what pain versus suffering meant. And every time I was exploring this concept, I was like, oh man, I've been in a bad place.

00;10;51;17 - 00;11;26;27
Kelly Goetz
So pain is physically a physical sensation. It's some sort of signal in your body indicating that an event has occurred. Suffering, on the other hand, is the interpretation of the event, what you believe about the event, the meaning you give about the event, your thoughts, your interpretation. And the thing about beliefs is typically beliefs are learned well before your 12 years of age.

00;11;26;29 - 00;11;58;10
Kelly Goetz
Recently I heard a functional doctor say seven years of age. So they had pretty young. While we are watching our parents and we're making interpretations about that situation or thing that's occurring in our lives at that point in time. The other thing to note about suffering is that when we are in this state of fear and we are suffering, we're actually resisting.

00;11;58;12 - 00;12;34;11
Kelly Goetz
Whatever the pain is, whatever the situation is, because we're focused on a belief. And that belief may or may not be reality, may or may not be truth. On some level, when we are in a state of suffering like I have been on and off in my nervous system for the last couple months, or you may have been in the last couple of months as you're reacting to the news, you're reacting to different things coming to a close, coming to an end.

00;12;34;14 - 00;13;09;28
Kelly Goetz
You might be experiencing a sense of fear, fear of loss for yourself, having less for your kids, or a fear of never reaching that dream or goal that you hoped, hoped for. And so if you have been in a state of suffering. On some level, there's a part of you and a part of me that is viewing the situation as if it shouldn't be happening at all.

00;13;10;00 - 00;13;49;01
Kelly Goetz
In my case, my husband's layoff, there's a part of me that is resisting the very fact that, yes, that has happened, or the part of me that is resisting that my natural tendency is to go into workaholic mode to solve problems for other people, whatever it might be. That very thing is a part of me that is resisting my reality, and some belief deep in my subconscious mind has been triggered and is driving that.

00;13;49;04 - 00;14;26;16
Kelly Goetz
When that fear takes off in the body, we have something else going on. What's happening in the body is now our nervous system falls out of its normal sympathetic or excuse me. So now physically, what's happening is we have two divisions of our own anemic nervous system that is responsible for regulating the involuntary bodily functions. So you might be saying to yourself, okay, I think I've been suffering.

00;14;26;19 - 00;14;56;29
Kelly Goetz
I think I've been suffering around this situation that's happening with my health or this situation of I've been watching the news too much, or this situation of perhaps, my, my adult child, his PhD program got canceled. Whatever it is, whatever it is that you're focusing on, that you're resisting to be real or part of reality. The fact of the matter is, it's happening.

00;14;57;01 - 00;15;37;08
Kelly Goetz
There's some part of you in a state of fear. So when we're in that state of fear, your nervous system is going to fall into the sympathetic response. This is the response that is primarily involved in fight and flight. It is preparing you to have some sort of awareness that there is some sort of stress. Or danger coming.

00;15;37;10 - 00;16;03;12
Kelly Goetz
And oftentimes when there's stress or danger come in, it's going to be your basics. Do I have a roof over my head? Do I have food over my head? Can I protect my family? Can I make a living? Whatever it is for you. So when we are in survival mode, in that fight or flight response, we're activating one of our energy systems that we call triple warmer.

00;16;03;14 - 00;16;36;19
Kelly Goetz
Again, it's an energy system in your body that governs different stress responses. And we are falling out of the ability to have our parasympathetic nervous system allow us to rest, digest or conserve energy. You might fall into overthinking, stinking thinking. You might fall into just having a sense of feeling anxiousness in your body. You might forget on some level to take those nice deep breaths.

00;16;36;19 - 00;17;04;24
Kelly Goetz
You might start taking care of yourself. You might start over eating. You might start complaining. You might start trying to fix other things that are out of your control. I know I've been guilty for multiple things, right? Even posting on Facebook in a place of reaction was me in a sympathetic stress response, quickly posting, forgetting that I did it.

00;17;04;27 - 00;17;20;08
Kelly Goetz
Getting myself balanced. Getting myself energized. Getting myself grounded. All important things is to recognize when you've fallen out of balance and bringing yourself back into balance.

00;17;20;11 - 00;17;48;09
Kelly Goetz
When really? On some level, there's been a part of me and a part of you that will pick up the pieces. You'll raise your vibration, perhaps listening to a great song. You'll seek outside tools, or your go to a friend who has maybe more insight on the subject. Or maybe that friend can just get above that challenge that you're experienced and look down and say, you know what?

00;17;48;11 - 00;18;15;24
Kelly Goetz
Maybe there's another way you could look at this. That's what's great about having great friends with great counsel. In fact, recently I was thinking how much how blessed woman are that woman actually have those friends that they can consult with, that they can discuss their concerns. The problem with. And usually the other women will listen. And after they've listened for a while, they'll kind of assess it all, and they might give you another perspective or another way to look for an answer.

00;18;15;27 - 00;18;46;21
Kelly Goetz
I don't know if men have that same type of nurturing ability to work through problems. Now, the other thing I want to circle back to now that we recognize that if you are in a state of fear on any level, fear of loss, fear of having less, or fear of never having what you desired, and then we look at, wow, a coyote crossed my path.

00;18;46;24 - 00;19;14;02
Kelly Goetz
Isn't that interesting? I don't usually see coyotes in the middle of the morning. I have heard them in the evening. In fact, there's more and more that I'm hearing of late. But I decided even though I don't study animal tolerance or the meanings of animals, I do know that nature often is healing us, either through its grounding energy of being on the earth in our bare feet, or getting outside and pausing and looking at the sky, looking at the trees, looking at the birds.

00;19;14;08 - 00;19;46;08
Kelly Goetz
When I have been in a rut in my deepest places, even going back to the first episode that I talked about when I've been in a rut and I've gotten myself outside in nature, usually nature shows up peaceful, and usually nature brings me some sort of balance. Today I was brought a coyote crossing my path, and at first the same thing that has been going on in my body and my friend's body and my friends, friends, bodies and people that I work with.

00;19;46;10 - 00;20;11;22
Kelly Goetz
That fight flight freeze response kicked in. I looked at that coyote and I said, oh, is that code Kyrie going to stop? Turn towards me. Run towards me. What is that coyote going to do? And part of my nervous system said get quiet. Just breathe. Get quiet. Don't be noticed. Part of me kept walking slowly so I didn't kind of create waves until I felt like I was out of harm's way.

00;20;11;22 - 00;20;43;07
Kelly Goetz
I started going back into a really calm, purest of parasympathetic nervous system. I started looking at nature and you heard my breathing slow down and calm down. Well, I looked up. What Coyote's crossing your path can be considered. And one of the Navajo traditions, that I wrote about is that often cross a coyote crossing your path is considered a negative omen, suggesting that you should turn back.

00;20;43;10 - 00;21;13;18
Kelly Goetz
Well, one of the things I recognized that I need to turn back is I need to step out of this state of suffering where I'm focused on the fear of loss, less or never, and shift and focus on the possibilities, the creativity, what I'm capable of achieving and doing and what's great. What can I be grateful for? The other thing that I learned about coyotes is that they can't symbolize good luck or trickery.

00;21;13;21 - 00;21;47;01
Kelly Goetz
They can also symbolize adaptability. And what I love the most as I look this up, is that a coyote is an invitation for self-reflection and transformation. And really this weekend, where I am focusing on serving 2000 other people over the course of six days. It's all about transformation and self-reflection. Where can they bring in more health and vitality and health and vitality means emotionally, physically, mentally.

00;21;47;01 - 00;22;21;10
Kelly Goetz
What are you eating? What toxins are in your environment and how to release them? And so I don't think it's quite the accident that the coyote crossed my path. And it's not quite the accident that you're listening to me talk about the coyote. And so I'm asking you, where do you need to reflect or transform? Is your nervous system triggered and connecting to some sort of fear of loss less or never having?

00;22;21;13 - 00;22;59;01
Kelly Goetz
And when your nervous system is connected to those things, are you bringing those fears to your friends and loved ones triggering their sympathetic nervous system? So now they're in a state of reaction? Or are you bringing things of gratitude? Real appreciation, love, support? What are you bringing to your situation? And more importantly, what are you passing on? I confess, when I dropped that post on Facebook, I was definitely in a fight.

00;22;59;08 - 00;23;29;11
Kelly Goetz
Flight freeze response. A part of me was in fear. I dropped a question that was fair minded, and as I read everybody's responses to it and how it was triggering everybody else's sympathetic nervous system, I realize that's not the energy I want to focus on. What I want to focus on is connection. Connecting to you, connecting to others.

00;23;29;13 - 00;24;14;02
Kelly Goetz
What I want to focus on are tools and techniques that I learned a long time ago, when I was at one of my lowest of lows, grieving, feeling lost, and I made a conscious choice to say, let's hear with grace and gratitude. What I want to focus on is that we are all connected. We are all one. And that we have the opportunity to bring love to any resistance that we're feeling in our personal lives, in the lives of others, and focusing on things that we think we're lacking rather than opportunities to grow and evolve, isn't going to serve us.

00;24;14;05 - 00;24;18;04
Kelly Goetz
Snacking to serve me.

00;24;18;06 - 00;24;42;22
Kelly Goetz
Today at lunch, you know when I really started thinking about, This thing that has triggered me so much that threw me into fight flight with a layoff. I started thinking about it, and for the first time, my husband and I really got to sit down and talk about it. And I was like, you know, when this happened earlier in my marriage, I, I didn't I wasn't concerned by it.

00;24;42;24 - 00;25;15;04
Kelly Goetz
It didn't give me any trouble at all. I actually remember looking at all of the positive opportunities that leaving this one very stressful company was going to create by stepping into a new position. It wasn't until, we had kids that that same situation triggered me because in that moment in time, I had given up my job, I was no longer working, and I now had a child to raise.

00;25;15;06 - 00;25;55;06
Kelly Goetz
And so it hit me in a different place. And then I started thinking, this is possible. Is it possible that there was a job loss in my family of origin when I was a little kid? And I remember there was. And it started to occur to me that this situation that has spun me around and perhaps the situation that is spinning you around right now, that you are reacting to from a place of fear rather than love, may not be the current situation at all.

00;25;55;08 - 00;26;11;06
Kelly Goetz
In fact, it's probably coming from a belief and a behavior that I witnessed and that I was aware of when I didn't have the tools or the ability to process the information.

00;26;11;09 - 00;26;39;07
Kelly Goetz
For the first time, I started looking at the situation differently and went, This isn't this isn't about now at all. This is just a pattern of reaction that was created when I was a little kid, and I didn't have the tools. So what's the antidote? Well, Tony would say the antidote would be just to see the situation for what it is.

00;26;39;09 - 00;26;49;14
Kelly Goetz
He would say find something to appreciate about it, be it not worse, not better.

00;26;49;16 - 00;27;10;20
Kelly Goetz
I also like to shrink his ideas, appreciation, joy. Stop focusing on your self. Focus on somebody else that you can support. Do something to learn or grow. Love. Give. Learn to be grateful.

00;27;10;22 - 00;27;41;13
Kelly Goetz
And I thought, well, if I go back to the my first practice, anything that you resist will persist is what I first learned 25 years ago. And then I would hear it again for my next mentor, my first mentor being Jeff Page, my second mentor being Darren Weissman, who would say, what you resist? Give it love. Because when you give it love, you send the vibration of love to that thing that you're resisting.

00;27;41;15 - 00;28;13;21
Kelly Goetz
You create space. You create harmony. And slowly, whatever that resistance is, it starts to heal. So I'm going to choose love, and I'm going to send love out to you and to everything that I might be resisting. Whether it's my spouse, our current situation, ways that I would like things to be different and just accept it for what it is.

00;28;13;23 - 00;28;44;05
Kelly Goetz
Recognizing it doesn't have to be seen for worse than it is, and I can find things to be grateful for in the moment. So I'm definitely, thankful for each and every one of you for showing up here and whatever it is that you're going through. If you are feeling anxious, nervous, and you feel like your nervous system is off, so giving yourself some simple love look in the mirror.

00;28;44;05 - 00;29;20;17
Kelly Goetz
Say I love you. Send love to the people that you're resisting. And if that's too hard, send them. Figure H just imagine making figure H so that you can find some common ground to communicate easily. And I love her. Pono. Pono. Simply saying I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. Which is exactly what I did at lunch for my husband who deserved my love.

00;29;20;19 - 00;29;22;26
Kelly Goetz
Have a great day with infinite love and gratitude.