Episode 13 - Breaking Patterns: Turning Self-Sabotage into Self-Care

In this powerful episode, Kelly explores the patterns and behaviors that often hold us back, such as overworking, people-pleasing, and neglecting self-care. Sharing her personal journey and insights drawn from the Five Rhythms (Water, Wood, Fire, Earth, and Metal), Kelly reveals how understanding these cycles can transform challenges into opportunities for growth. Discover how to break free from destructive habits, celebrate small victories, and build resilience to create the life you truly desire.

Actionable Points:

• Identify your personal self-sabotaging patterns (overworking, people-pleasing, neglecting self-care).
• Create intentional pauses in your routine to reflect and rejuvenate.
• Celebrate small victories to maintain motivation and reinforce positive changes.
• Seek supportive community and surround yourself with positive influences.
• Regularly reassess your progress and adjust strategies to stay aligned with your goals.

Quote from Kelly Goetz:
"Every single time you adjust and pivot, you get closer to your dream, your health, or your relationship—whatever you desire. It'll be there, provided you don't stop and don't give up."

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With Infinite Love & Gratitude

Kelly

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Transcript

00;00;04;10 - 00;00;35;13
Kelly Goetz
Hello, this is Kelly Getz with another opportunity to share with you gifts and strange wrapping paper. The last few months I've mentioned in some of my past videos. I have been noticing all sorts of patterns that that I run, programs that I run. Patterns of beliefs and behaviors. One of which was overworking, which really boiled down to panic from job losses.

00;00;35;16 - 00;01;23;00
Kelly Goetz
And there's others which I won't get into. Well, okay, let's just say overworking people pleasing. Not giving myself space and time to take care of myself, fill myself up. And it's been an interesting journey, and I'm finally getting all the gifts and strange wrapping paper. I want you to think about patterns that you have in your life, and where you place small, where you don't speak up, where you don't show up, where you avoid, where you disappear, you shut down, you go away.

00;01;23;02 - 00;02;08;11
Kelly Goetz
And even patterns of making jokes about things. Oftentimes people make jokes or they turn to some sort of substance, like alcohol. I'm not talking about your occasional glass of wine. I'm talking about regular alcohol to calm yourself down at the end of the day, for food, foods, usually my my big one, that when I'm stressed or not taking care of myself and I want to stuff all that I'm feeling down, I tend to grab for the salty grab for the sugary things, grab for the quick, the quick thing.

00;02;08;13 - 00;02;40;17
Kelly Goetz
And when I'm grabbing for the quick thing, it's usually because I've been overworking, not creating any space and time to be with myself. You might do a different. Some of you might stop eating altogether when you're under stress, or when you're in a pattern of some sort of belief or behavior. So I've been in and out of my patterns for the last, I'd say since January 21st, for the last few months.

00;02;40;19 - 00;03;18;24
Kelly Goetz
And I keep pulling myself out and then I get triggered again, and I go right into the pattern of overworking people, pleasing over giving and not taking care of myself. So when one pattern triggers and it's in your habit field, if you're not present or in present time consciousness, one of the things that I learned about a long time ago, if you're not careful, you can ruin a relationship.

00;03;18;27 - 00;04;00;19
Kelly Goetz
You can harm your body with toxins, whether it comes from food or it comes from some sort of alcohol or substance, or you might become sleep deprived. And that's going to impact your adrenal system and your immune system. And really be conscious with yourself. Really be aware. What is your go to when you're under stress? When you're having a hard time speaking up, when you're not clear or aware of where you want to go in your life?

00;04;00;22 - 00;04;38;23
Kelly Goetz
When something has happened that has derailed you unexpectedly, whether it's a health challenge in your family or maybe one of your kids is having a problem or a parental loss. There's no right or wrong. We all do it. We all have some sort of belief or pattern that we tend to go to, and it's usually under stress. Now, of course, you also have patterns and you have ways that you have leveraged you have leverage.

00;04;38;26 - 00;05;00;06
Kelly Goetz
Some of those challenges. And you've created really beautiful, hero's journeys out of it where you became really clear, really focused. And you said, you know what? Not today. I'm not giving up today.

00;05;00;09 - 00;05;24;10
Kelly Goetz
And I want you to also think about those times where you say, not today. I'm not falling down today. I'm not giving up today. This might be tough when I'm going through. Might be a challenge of what I'm going through, but I'm going to pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again. I wish I could remember where that song those words came from.

00;05;24;10 - 00;05;48;10
Kelly Goetz
I know it's a song so those opportunities that you have, those hero's journey, those places where you're like, wow, this is really, really tough. Maybe it was a diagnosis, maybe it was a parental loss. Maybe you lost a friend and you don't know why.

00;05;48;13 - 00;06;01;19
Kelly Goetz
And in each one of those times, think back what was your method of success? To get over the hump?

00;06;01;21 - 00;06;29;16
Kelly Goetz
I think first and foremost, and what I talked about in my very first episode, the first and foremost thing that I've done is I've recognized the pain I'm in, and I've made a conscious choice to say, no more. I'm not going to live in this space. I'm going to stop the pain. It may not stop today, but I am going to break the pattern of pain.

00;06;29;18 - 00;06;57;09
Kelly Goetz
And I'm going to find my way out of this. In Chinese medicine, there's a we have a yin and yang, and really, there's what it is. It's a it's opposing and it's dark versus light. So it's opposing energies. We have the darkness. We have the light, we have hot, we have cold, we have the sunshine, we have the moonlight.

00;06;57;12 - 00;07;41;18
Kelly Goetz
We have male, we have female. Any kind of opposing or opposite characteristic is really, truly a yin or yang in the five rhythms. Formally, and most likely called the five elements, we have water. We have the slow trickling river is yin, and then we have the waterfall. That deep flowing, strong waterfall is more yang. Water in and of its essence is more of a yin rhythm or element, whichever one you want to call it.

00;07;41;21 - 00;08;00;20
Kelly Goetz
That energy which we just came out of from winter moves into the wood energy, and we have yin and yang there as well. Wood might be.

00;08;00;23 - 00;08;10;11
Kelly Goetz
The yang energy might be a sturdy, tall, massive tree.

00;08;10;13 - 00;08;43;12
Kelly Goetz
And the yin energy might be a delicate budding plant. Flower. It might be a better example there, but that's all I can think of right now. And that would energy of springtime. If you look outside right now, when this airs, it'll still be springtime. There's all these plants coming alive, and they're bursting through the ground and plants and trees that look dormant.

00;08;43;14 - 00;09;20;03
Kelly Goetz
They're preparing to burst. They're preparing to to grow. I don't know about you, but this morning I had a chorus of robins singing. Sometime after 5 a.m., and they were so loud and actually gorgeous sounding, I couldn't help but wake up early. And if you're wondering where I am, I'm walking amongst nature. So springtime is all that burst forward energy.

00;09;20;06 - 00;10;18;24
Kelly Goetz
And then we move into summertime. The fire season where a smoldering fire, a smoldering campfire where it's not really strong and massive, but it's still there is a very yin energy and a big huge forest fires yang energy. It's powerful and unstoppable. And there's been so many people this past year that have been experiencing, natural fire disasters that yang energy that's completely unstoppable, that gave nobody any time to really prepare, taking only the few possessions that they had to get out quick because that force of nature was so strong and massive and powerful.

00;10;18;27 - 00;10;50;09
Kelly Goetz
And again, the yin part of fires, as the fire is going out, there's still a fire there. There's still a spark, but it's there. It's not hurting anything might even be an enjoyable. The fire rhythm moves to earth. In some models you'll see the Earth rhythm a little bit different, and I will put a link for a free Five rhythms class on my website down below.

00;10;50;12 - 00;11;34;26
Kelly Goetz
So you can learn a little bit more about how these rhythms apply to you. But Earth is about connection. It's about family. It's about community, and it's comes later in the year. It's like harvest time where you gather all of the great things, everything that you've sowed, the plants that you've planted over the summer and you collect it, you gather people to you, and it's a place where you can nurture others, gather others, share in that joy.

00;11;34;28 - 00;11;46;21
Kelly Goetz
The yang energy is about feeding others, serving others, providing for others.

00;11;46;23 - 00;12;40;01
Kelly Goetz
Giving to others and the spleen. Energy is about metabolizing. That's the yin energy. And that energy really is meant to nurture within, to take care of your your needs. Fill up your cup. The unfortunate thing or the common thing when you are someone that over works perhaps in your wood energy. Although it can be any rhythm or you over give or you attempt to please, is the first thing that goes is that yin energy of earth where you stop filling your bucket up and I hear woman after woman after woman talking about giving to everyone else.

00;12;40;08 - 00;13;15;15
Kelly Goetz
And it's not just women. The last few days I've been listening to men talk about the same thing wanting to provide, wanting to give to their family, wanting to take care of their parents. I really don't want to be taken care of. They they want to live their life right. And what happens is when we are over giving to everybody else, we stop serving ourselves that plate of food or we don't need the right foods.

00;13;15;18 - 00;13;25;25
Kelly Goetz
Or we adopt habits that aren't going to help us feel fed energetically, emotionally, spiritually.

00;13;25;27 - 00;13;32;02
Kelly Goetz
And for you, it might be whatever that particular thing is for you.

00;13;32;05 - 00;14;07;03
Kelly Goetz
So then we have at the end of the cycle is late autumn Earth being early autumn, nettle being late autumn, and that metal rhythm is about, it's about it can be about letting go. It can be about grief. It can be about inspiration. And metal is also about looking at the entire cycle and saying, hey, what's working?

00;14;07;05 - 00;14;47;07
Kelly Goetz
What's not working and discovering what's working and not working and making some refinements to it, making beautiful refinements. So a yang representation of metal could be our skyscrapers, our beautiful skyscrapers, skyscrapers, and the yin essence of metal is the beautiful, refined metal that we turn into jewelry would be more yin now within that category. And I do like diamonds within that category.

00;14;47;15 - 00;15;22;04
Kelly Goetz
You could find yang and you could find Yin again, because the reality is you can always go deeper in opposites. You can always. You'll always find the light, which is the yang in the darkness, and you'll always find the darkness in the light. So things just keep subcategories and they just keep going deeper and deeper and deeper. Because we're multi-dimensional.

00;15;22;07 - 00;15;34;17
Kelly Goetz
Energies are multi-dimensional. They're subtle in so many ways. They're they can be really simple. They can also be really complex.

00;15;34;20 - 00;16;12;05
Kelly Goetz
So when you look at ways that you have been on a hero's journey where you say, no more, not today, not today, will I continue in this path. And you've gotten really super, super clear of what you wanted to create, how you wanted to heal. For some people, it's like they'll go to a doctor after doctor and practitioner after practitioner until they find the answer that works for them.

00;16;12;08 - 00;16;43;28
Kelly Goetz
And oftentimes there's a whole lot of no's in their healing journey and perhaps even resistance. And all the way through, they're getting stronger because they're focused on what they need, what they desire. So think about yourself. What is perhaps a healing channel challenge, or a financial challenge or any kind of challenge where you're like, you know what, I'm not taking a no.

00;16;44;01 - 00;17;14;10
Kelly Goetz
I'm determined to find my answer and you just keep going until suddenly somebody sees you, somebody connects with you, and they say, hey, I don't have the answer either, but I'm going to walk the journey with you, and together you find more resources, more opportunities. The other thing you may have done is you'll find an expert on your journey.

00;17;14;12 - 00;17;49;10
Kelly Goetz
And that expert I want you to think about when have you crossed the path of an expert that had the exact right thing that you needed to work through your problem? It could even be somebody in a grocery store. It could be overhearing a conversation. It could be watching a TV program. And somebody mirrors back on that TV program some little piece of wisdom that you go, keep going.

00;17;49;10 - 00;18;12;13
Kelly Goetz
I'm not done. Or, maybe I should check that out. Think into that. I want you to sink into your hero's journey and places that you've been incredibly successful. And maybe it took longer than a a week or a month. Maybe it took a year or years. Anything's possible.

00;18;12;15 - 00;18;24;15
Kelly Goetz
Some journeys, some hero's journeys are quick. You can pull out quick. Oops. I just came across water.

00;18;24;17 - 00;19;08;21
Kelly Goetz
Other journeys you have to say. Wait, I'm going down the wrong path. Just like me. About to walk through a big stream. I'm going down the wrong path that's going to get me stuck or tripped me up. And you pause and you look at it and you go, now when you get to that place of uncertainty or you recognize that, you know, I took the wrong fork in the road and you decide I'm in the wrong direction, whether it's something intuitively that happens to you spiritually, mentally, whatever it is, it could even be on some level.

00;19;08;23 - 00;19;46;00
Kelly Goetz
You got subconsciously scared. On some level, part of you said, this is too hard. I can't do this. Think about the times that you told yourself, whether consciously or unconsciously, you said, this is just too hard. I can't get there and everything in your being says, I want to stop. I don't want to go any further. Maybe in that moment you simply say.

00;19;46;02 - 00;19;51;22
Kelly Goetz
I'm going to relax. I'm going to wait. I'm going to pause.

00;19;51;24 - 00;20;11;29
Kelly Goetz
I'm going to meditate. I'm going to get some extra sleep. I'm too exhausted to go on. And you go into that water rhythm where you can be still. You can just be because you don't have the answers.

00;20;12;02 - 00;20;28;25
Kelly Goetz
And then something happens after you're sitting in the stillness for a while thinking you don't have any more, oh, or any more fight in you, or any more determination.

00;20;28;27 - 00;21;07;09
Kelly Goetz
And after being for a while, some idea comes into your head and you go, okay, I'm ready to take another step. And in that next step, you're in that wood energy. You're like, how do I solve the problem? Where do I go to solve the problem? And you get a fresh burst of energy again in your life. Only this time maybe you get a little farther, just a little bit farther than you did the last time.

00;21;07;11 - 00;21;40;25
Kelly Goetz
And you're like, okay, I got a little bit of momentum. You fall into your you arrive at your fire rhythm and you're like, hey, I better stop and celebrate. Because just a little while ago, I was going to sit and give up. I think about the times that you were going to sit and give up, whether it's in a relationship, a job, dealing with grief, dealing with health, challenge, whatever it is.

00;21;40;27 - 00;22;00;10
Kelly Goetz
I've worked with enough clients and students to know everybody has that place within them where somehow it feels too hard. They get discouraged and a part of them wants to quit or give up.

00;22;00;13 - 00;22;36;29
Kelly Goetz
And really, is it really quitting and giving up? Or is it just creating some new energy, taking a rest, allowing yourself to rest and recoup so you can pick up from where you're leaving off and go at it again? Well, just as important as rejuvenating and getting a fresh burst of energy and water and would is what commonly happens in summer is we celebrate, we spend time playing.

00;22;37;01 - 00;23;09;22
Kelly Goetz
We spend time getting outside. We spend time with other people. In fact, most people I know, they get to that summer fire rhythm, and I usually have so much I want to do in the summer concerts I want to attend, people I want to see and like. I can't wait for Summer and fire, and I can't wait to explore fun opportunities.

00;23;09;24 - 00;23;52;29
Kelly Goetz
And I'm in the Midwest so summer can come quick and and just as quick. For those of you that are someplace warm, you are so blessed. The South Florida Carolinas, all those beautiful warm states California, Texas, I mean to have sensational weather all year long. How glorious is that? And I know it's not perfect, but you certainly get to hang out in that fire season a little bit longer than we get to hang out in it in in the Midwest.

00;23;53;02 - 00;24;27;03
Kelly Goetz
So if you're enjoying the rhythms of the season and if you're listening to your own body and the different ways that it wants to pull you, you'll find there is a little bit of lightness and a little bit of celebration. And sometimes you'll find that, wow, I really want to go to the party. I really want to socialize, and I just don't have enough energy.

00;24;27;05 - 00;25;02;18
Kelly Goetz
That's okay. You can still listen to music on your back deck, sit and listen to the birds, or look at the flowers. There's still ways to enjoy that celebratory fun time of the year or a fire. Until it shifts again and you're back into Earth. And maybe things aren't perfect, and maybe you haven't made as much progress, but you keep going and you've met some new people, and you gather again.

00;25;02;21 - 00;25;29;22
Kelly Goetz
Only this time, maybe you say, wow, I've been giving so much to other people this time around, I'm going to make sure I nourish myself. And you discover that you started building this beautiful habit of self-care along the way.

00;25;29;24 - 00;26;08;15
Kelly Goetz
And maybe it's not perfect, and perhaps you need more. However, even if you need more, you start building that muscle. You may even find that there's a moment where you know what family, you know, what friends? I have not been speaking up and what you want today is different than what I want. Ooh, and you discover something like a rose bush with thorns.

00;26;08;17 - 00;26;49;20
Kelly Goetz
But it looks beautiful until you say no. And that's saying that early autumn is for roses or thorns or roses. But I'm just literally falling into one. And when you start saying no to other people so that you can't say yes to you. Sometimes it gets prickly, sometimes they don't like it. Most people don't like change. And if they're not aware and they're not doing their own growth work, they might get a little prickly.

00;26;49;26 - 00;27;15;27
Kelly Goetz
Because instead of you saying yes every single time you've started to arrive at a no, a much clearer, you know. Not as many maybes and fewer yeses change in our outside world can oftentimes get prickly.

00;27;15;29 - 00;27;38;00
Kelly Goetz
And then you keep moving around your rhythms, just like the rhythms of nature arriving back at mental to say, okay, what more can I learn from this process? I've been in? Where do I go from here?

00;27;38;02 - 00;28;10;22
Kelly Goetz
Until you start again back at water. I love the five rhythms model because it gives us a very simple opportunity to first and foremost connect with nature. Whoopsie! More thorns. And secondly, to connect with ourselves. It doesn't have to be complex. It can be simple.

00;28;10;25 - 00;28;45;05
Kelly Goetz
One of the things that I've been discovering is that the more I understand who I am and what I need to grow, how I need to grow and evolve, or the more I commit to my personal growth work, my personal desires to contribute to other people. And the more I'm willing to get out of my own way to make those things happen.

00;28;45;07 - 00;28;49;18
Kelly Goetz
Sometimes it gets really challenging.

00;28;49;20 - 00;29;04;18
Kelly Goetz
The number one thing that we can do is to pause, take the rest, discover new opportunities.

00;29;04;21 - 00;29;09;08
Kelly Goetz
Little ways to celebrate.

00;29;09;10 - 00;29;26;20
Kelly Goetz
Ways to bring community together so we're not alone. Discern with the wisdom of metal and just keep getting up.

00;29;26;22 - 00;30;16;09
Kelly Goetz
So I want you to think of times you've been challenged. Those times would have been really super hard. I know some of you have faced some different diseases and had to go through a medical. Procedures. And wow, if I'm talking about this, I have lost track of where I am. Or at least I think I lost track. And that can happen to you where you think you've lost sight of where you're going, or you forgot why you were on the journey in the first place, and you're reading through literally weeding through weeds until you realize those weeds are just, it's an overgrowth, something you don't need anymore, and you pluck it and you remove it

00;30;16;09 - 00;30;41;29
Kelly Goetz
from your life. Whether it's a toxic individual or toxic food. Or toxic behaviors. And you honor yourself for making small little shifts. And so you get up again.

00;30;42;01 - 00;31;13;10
Kelly Goetz
I'm discovering for myself and maybe you can relate with all of the controversy right now that keeps wanting to drag me down where I let it drag me down, I should really say. And you let it drag you down. All that controversy. Ooh, thorn bush again. That's not the rose I saw over there. All those ways that the thorns come out.

00;31;13;10 - 00;31;20;28
Kelly Goetz
Because people don't agree with you and they don't like what you have to say, or they don't believe in you.

00;31;21;00 - 00;31;42;03
Kelly Goetz
I've learned to surround myself by the right people, the people that believe in my health, the people that support my journey, the people that cheer me on to say don't stop yet you come too far. Keep on going.

00;31;42;06 - 00;31;56;02
Kelly Goetz
Get away from that negative thing. Get away from that negative. Food for love vibration food. Take a rest and get back up.

00;31;56;05 - 00;32;13;18
Kelly Goetz
It's in the getting back up that you keep making progress, and you keep having the opportunity to grow and evolve. Even when it's tough.

00;32;13;20 - 00;32;46;11
Kelly Goetz
So my suggestion today is to look at the places that you've been on a hero's journey where you succeeded. Some of you might have to go back to a younger age. Some of you may just be going back, I don't know, five, seven years. And I want you to really honor that hero's journey and look at what were the things that you did that got you through it.

00;32;46;14 - 00;33;21;10
Kelly Goetz
And notice where there time that you got, you got still like water. Were there other times that you took action or you changed your your course changed directions to get a different perspective? Were there times that you went, oh my gosh, my intuition is actually right. It led me to this practitioner or this health care provider or another person place or thing that gave you new fresh hope.

00;33;21;12 - 00;33;47;29
Kelly Goetz
And then you shared that information with your friends, and you're going to say, you're not going to believe what happened today. And guess what they get when you share those victories with them. They do go, That's pretty cool. Wow. And they learned something from you. And maybe they strap on their boots again and they say, all right, I've been going after my dream.

00;33;47;29 - 00;34;03;24
Kelly Goetz
I've gotten stuck or my health or whatever it is they're going after, and they get a little bit more fueled by your sharing ways that you've kept going.

00;34;03;26 - 00;34;18;21
Kelly Goetz
And every time you get up, you get the cheer to the you like metal and a and really look at the whole process. What do you need to refine?

00;34;18;23 - 00;35;19;16
Kelly Goetz
So you keep going around the rhythms of nature. It happens in a day. It happens in a month. It happens in a year because you are in nature. I'm grateful that it's springtime, because not only do we get the rain and beautiful flowers, we also get the opportunity to see new growth. And if you're looking back at your journey and you're thinking, well, I haven't grown or I haven't had any place in my life where I was the hero, I'm going to challenge that because you have, whether it's graduating from high school, college, getting married, staying married, having children, losing jobs, finding new jobs, finding new skills, building a new relationship.

00;35;19;19 - 00;35;36;17
Kelly Goetz
You've had a hero's journey. You just have to open your eyes to it. And if you're in a downside right now where things are tough. Just pause for a minute.

00;35;36;19 - 00;36;19;29
Kelly Goetz
Ask yourself, what do I want? What's my outcome? What would I really like to happen and put that out into your vision ahead of you? If you have to write it down, draw pictures around it. Make it audio. Voice. When you're feeling strong and confident, get really, really clear. Meditate on it. Visualize it. Because I can guarantee you the closer you get to that dream or that goal, you're going to encounter some thorn bushes, just like I did in the woods, and you're going to have to keep plowing through or finding a different path.

00;36;20;01 - 00;36;42;11
Kelly Goetz
And as long as you keep looking at where you want to go, the light always go into the light for the highest good of all. As long as you keep looking at that. When things try to take you off course and they will, you will be taken off course.

00;36;42;13 - 00;36;49;18
Kelly Goetz
The other thing that will happen is along the way, you're going to get stronger.

00;36;49;21 - 00;37;18;05
Kelly Goetz
You're going to learn to listen to the within. You're going to get stronger, and you're going to discover you have ways to create new bursts of energy. You're going to take moments to celebrate. Always make sure you celebrate. That's the one thing that people tend to skip. You'll find people that support you, that want to assist you, that will be in that journey with you.

00;37;18;08 - 00;37;56;23
Kelly Goetz
And you'll come back to that wise one within saying, what's next? What do I have to adjust? And as long as you just keep going through that process. Every single time you adjust and you pivot and you make a little shift, you will get closer and closer to the light where your dream or your goal or your health or your relationship, whatever it is you desire, it'll be there, provided you don't stop and you don't give up.

00;37;56;26 - 00;38;04;28
Kelly Goetz
Here's to perseverance. Here's to the five rhythms that you can learn from it out in nature. It'll teach you. Have a great day!